The Gang of Five

The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 07:01:28 PM

Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 07:01:28 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 07:55:49 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 08:38:47 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 09:58:16 PM
part 4 is on its way  :D
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 10:36:38 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: Serris on March 28, 2009, 11:04:45 PM
This could get interesting but you may want to work on your spelling and grammar.

Also, have you been inspired by A Jedi's Destiny?
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:05:52 PM
:bang my story is sooo short :cry2
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:08:39 PM
Quote from: Serris,Mar 28 2009 on  10:04 PM
This could get interesting but you may want to work on your spelling and grammar.

Also, have you been inspired by A Jedi's Destiny?
yeh i finished reading a jedi destiny this morning and yesturday it inspired me to start writing this.

and yes i know its very similar to what happned in a jedis destiny
my friend read this and said it was cool because it had him and i in the story
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:12:35 PM
serris, do you think it is still a good story???
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: f-22 "raptor" ace on March 28, 2009, 11:13:50 PM
I think it's a good story.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: Serris on March 28, 2009, 11:18:02 PM
Well, the plot has potential to become very interesting but you may want to add your own ideas to what you borrowed from A Jedi's Destiny. Other movies and games can give ideas as well.

And yes, with development this story can become fantastic.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:25:42 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:27:05 PM
any 1 got any ideas that i should add into the story???
i'm open to suggestions
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: Serris on March 28, 2009, 11:38:33 PM
I'd say get a fan fiction.net account, wait a few days so you can upload stories and upload it there. That way, you can go "full throttle" with obscenities (as long as you rate it appropriately).

"something average that he was good at cooking" sounds a little awkward.

I'd also say work on the descriptions a bit. Though I have a powerful "visualization suite" and can produce images with scant description; it would be nicer to have more vivid descriptions.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:55:57 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 28, 2009, 11:58:33 PM
Quote from: Serris,Mar 28 2009 on  10:38 PM
I'd say get a fan fiction.net account, wait a few days so you can upload stories and upload it there. That way, you can go "full throttle" with obscenities (as long as you rate it appropriately).

"something average that he was good at cooking" sounds a little awkward.

I'd also say work on the descriptions a bit. Though I have a powerful "visualization suite" and can produce images with scant description; it would be nicer to have more vivid descriptions.
ok, i'll try
part 5 of my story is fairly graphical
so it has a fair amount of description
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: LBTFan13 on March 29, 2009, 12:07:22 AM
This is an interesting story you have there. Just keep practicing grammar and mechanics and you will have one great fanfic! :D
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 29, 2009, 12:31:35 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 30, 2009, 12:54:28 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 30, 2009, 02:21:38 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: jedi472 on March 30, 2009, 03:18:19 PM
Wow, I've actually inspired someone! By the way, I am truely sorry I haven't updated A Jedi's Destiny in...well, 8 months! Life's been beating me over the head, and I haven't had much time for anything.

I'm liking the story so far, though as Serris has pointed out, you may need to work on your spelling and descriptions. I like how you've added Omega Squad and the Null ARCs to the story. Keep this going!
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 30, 2009, 06:20:51 PM
wow that's great you like my story!!! YAY :lol:  :DD  :lol:

I based it on my friend and i going to the LBT universe mixed with star wars universe
and yes i know star wars/LBT crossover was your idea........but its such a great  :idea
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 31, 2009, 01:32:40 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 31, 2009, 01:51:19 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on March 31, 2009, 01:56:19 AM
ok peoples, i won't be adding anymore to the story for a while.........probobly a few weeks before i add more to the story.........
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on April 08, 2009, 01:52:02 AM
damn!!! i uploaded one of my pics for this, but this server won't allow deviantart pics!!!
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: lbt/cty_lover on April 08, 2009, 08:38:42 PM
Wait, don't we have a LBT/Star Wars fan-fiction already? That niche is filled, my friend.

Just joking. Jedi472 hasn't updated in ages, so I've been re-reading the other fan-fic. It's good to have some new material every now and then. Time for my critique!

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-----[INITIATE FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]-----
-----------------------------------------

Okay, thie first thing I noticed is the mechanics. I'm sorry for being a little harsh, but is is horrid. I had a hard time following the story just because the way it is written is sub-par. It is one of the many things that irk me whenever I read fan-fiction. Bad grammar and below average mechanics just ruins the whole thing. Get a beta reader to go over your work! Also, just a hint of advice, DON'T USE MICROSOFT WORD'S SPELL CHECKER!

Sorry for the rant, but I'm serious, though. Bad grammerz fanfictz runez times ten out 10 of. (Bad grammar ruins fan-fictions 10 times out of 10). But enough mechanics, you want to hear about what I think of the story, now don't'cha? Now, when I read fan-fictions, I have a little mind-application called a Mary-sue-dar. Let me tell you, it was going off like crazy when I was reading about that time machine thingy. I mean, how old are they? If it is the year 2009, I mean, even in science fiction stories, I don't think that it is even remotely possible for two teenagers to come up with a working time machine without either divine intervention or alien information. I hope you have an explanation for how Bradley got the design to work.

Now, I feel that the plot for this is decent. I mean, it isn't the next amazing novel, but it has potential. The only real problems is the way you added detail to the general idea of the plot. You should try planning out your chapters beforehand. It might help you in writing better chapters in the future. It is a good story, but it needs a little more work. It seems like it was written up only in a few hours. Take your time, plan out your chapters, maybe make them longer, but put a little more effort into the story. Okay?

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-----[END FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]-----
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on April 08, 2009, 10:42:55 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on April 08, 2009, 10:45:18 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on April 09, 2009, 12:25:58 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on April 12, 2009, 10:45:04 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: Belmont2500 on August 03, 2009, 09:32:38 PM
hey Metadude not to be rude but when are you gonna post then next chapter of Ripples In Time on fanfiction.net? Because its been awhile.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: jedi472 on August 03, 2009, 09:38:21 PM
That's actually pretty awesome! I'm going to try to make a poster for my story using GIMP, after it's done, of course.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: Belmont2500 on August 11, 2009, 09:12:41 PM
wow, how come you haven't posted these new chapters on ff.net yet.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 11, 2009, 11:52:58 PM
i won't post my chapter for a while because i havn't got internet at my house anymore
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: Belmont2500 on August 12, 2009, 10:14:49 AM
that sucks.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 18, 2009, 01:42:40 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 18, 2009, 02:24:58 AM
Quote from: lbt/cty_lover,Apr 9 2009 on  10:08 AM
Wait, don't we have a LBT/Star Wars fan-fiction already? That niche is filled, my friend.

Just joking. Jedi472 hasn't updated in ages, so I've been re-reading the other fan-fic. It's good to have some new material every now and then. Time for my critique!

-----------------------------------------
-----[INITIATE FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]-----
-----------------------------------------

Okay, thie first thing I noticed is the mechanics. I'm sorry for being a little harsh, but is is horrid. I had a hard time following the story just because the way it is written is sub-par. It is one of the many things that irk me whenever I read fan-fiction. Bad grammar and below average mechanics just ruins the whole thing. Get a beta reader to go over your work! Also, just a hint of advice, DON'T USE MICROSOFT WORD'S SPELL CHECKER!

Sorry for the rant, but I'm serious, though. Bad grammerz fanfictz runez times ten out 10 of. (Bad grammar ruins fan-fictions 10 times out of 10). But enough mechanics, you want to hear about what I think of the story, now don't'cha? Now, when I read fan-fictions, I have a little mind-application called a Mary-sue-dar. Let me tell you, it was going off like crazy when I was reading about that time machine thingy. I mean, how old are they? If it is the year 2009, I mean, even in science fiction stories, I don't think that it is even remotely possible for two teenagers to come up with a working time machine without either divine intervention or alien information. I hope you have an explanation for how Bradley got the design to work.

Now, I feel that the plot for this is decent. I mean, it isn't the next amazing novel, but it has potential. The only real problems is the way you added detail to the general idea of the plot. You should try planning out your chapters beforehand. It might help you in writing better chapters in the future. It is a good story, but it needs a little more work. It seems like it was written up only in a few hours. Take your time, plan out your chapters, maybe make them longer, but put a little more effort into the story. Okay?

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-----[END FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]-----
------------------------------------[/tt]
i will post how everything works all in good time my friend
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 18, 2009, 02:53:24 AM
i'll update asap
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 19, 2009, 06:22:49 PM
almost finished chapter 3!!!
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 20, 2009, 01:18:49 AM
okay, my story is up on FF.net
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 20, 2009, 02:08:51 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 20, 2009, 02:32:29 AM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 21, 2009, 01:53:14 AM
update is coming soon!!! yay!!!
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 21, 2009, 06:52:41 PM
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Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on August 25, 2009, 09:28:50 PM
hope people like my fic so far
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on September 04, 2009, 01:32:45 AM
The rest of chapter 4 is on it's way! and i've almost finished chapter 5 yays!!!
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on September 04, 2009, 07:27:57 PM
almost done!!! ^^
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on September 10, 2009, 12:50:25 AM
Please post a reply if you enjoy the story so far, it would be greatly appreciated
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on October 02, 2009, 07:21:55 PM
i've deleted my story from gof, so for those that would like a read can pm me and i'll send it to them
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: jedi472 on October 02, 2009, 08:08:41 PM
Why'd you delete it? Sure, it needed work, but it wasn't THAT bad.
Title: The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time
Post by: metadude1234 on October 06, 2009, 02:02:02 AM
it is just taken off, people can pm me if they want a read