The Land Before Time: Ripples In Time

jedi472 · **Reply #20 on:** March 30, 2009, 03:18:19 PM

Wow, I've actually inspired someone! By the way, I am truely sorry I haven't updated A Jedi's Destiny in...well, 8 months! Life's been beating me over the head, and I haven't had much time for anything.

I'm liking the story so far, though as Serris has pointed out, you may need to work on your spelling and descriptions. I like how you've added Omega Squad and the Null ARCs to the story. Keep this going!

metadude1234 · **Reply #21 on:** March 30, 2009, 06:20:51 PM

wow that's great you like my story!!! YAY

I based it on my friend and i going to the LBT universe mixed with star wars universe
and yes i know star wars/LBT crossover was your idea........but its such a great

metadude1234 · **Reply #22 on:** March 31, 2009, 01:32:40 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #23 on:** March 31, 2009, 01:51:19 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #24 on:** March 31, 2009, 01:56:19 AM

ok peoples, i won't be adding anymore to the story for a while.........probobly a few weeks before i add more to the story.........

metadude1234 · **Reply #25 on:** April 08, 2009, 01:52:02 AM

damn!!! i uploaded one of my pics for this, but this server won't allow deviantart pics!!!

lbt/cty_lover · **Reply #26 on:** April 08, 2009, 08:38:42 PM

Wait, don't we have a LBT/Star Wars fan-fiction already? That niche is filled, my friend.

Just joking. Jedi472 hasn't updated in ages, so I've been re-reading the other fan-fic. It's good to have some new material every now and then. Time for my critique!
----------------------------------------- -----[INITIATE FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]----- -----------------------------------------

Okay, thie first thing I noticed is the mechanics. I'm sorry for being a little harsh, but is is horrid. I had a hard time following the story just because the way it is written is sub-par. It is one of the many things that irk me whenever I read fan-fiction. Bad grammar and below average mechanics just ruins the whole thing. Get a beta reader to go over your work! Also, just a hint of advice, DON'T USE MICROSOFT WORD'S SPELL CHECKER!

Sorry for the rant, but I'm serious, though. Bad grammerz fanfictz runez times ten out 10 of. (Bad grammar ruins fan-fictions 10 times out of 10). But enough mechanics, you want to hear about what I think of the story, now don't'cha? Now, when I read fan-fictions, I have a little mind-application called a Mary-sue-dar. Let me tell you, it was going off like crazy when I was reading about that time machine thingy. I mean, how old are they? If it is the year 2009, I mean, even in science fiction stories, I don't think that it is even remotely possible for two teenagers to come up with a working time machine without either divine intervention or alien information. I hope you have an explanation for how Bradley got the design to work.

Now, I feel that the plot for this is decent. I mean, it isn't the next amazing novel, but it has potential. The only real problems is the way you added detail to the general idea of the plot. You should try planning out your chapters beforehand. It might help you in writing better chapters in the future. It is a good story, but it needs a little more work. It seems like it was written up only in a few hours. Take your time, plan out your chapters, maybe make them longer, but put a little more effort into the story. Okay?
------------------------------------ -----[END FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]----- ------------------------------------[/tt]

metadude1234 · **Reply #27 on:** April 08, 2009, 10:42:55 PM

metadude1234 · **Reply #28 on:** April 08, 2009, 10:45:18 PM

metadude1234 · **Reply #29 on:** April 09, 2009, 12:25:58 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #30 on:** April 12, 2009, 10:45:04 PM

Belmont2500 · **Reply #31 on:** August 03, 2009, 09:32:38 PM

hey Metadude not to be rude but when are you gonna post then next chapter of Ripples In Time on fanfiction.net? Because its been awhile.

jedi472 · **Reply #32 on:** August 03, 2009, 09:38:21 PM

That's actually pretty awesome! I'm going to try to make a poster for my story using GIMP, after it's done, of course.

Belmont2500 · **Reply #33 on:** August 11, 2009, 09:12:41 PM

wow, how come you haven't posted these new chapters on ff.net yet.

metadude1234 · **Reply #34 on:** August 11, 2009, 11:52:58 PM

i won't post my chapter for a while because i havn't got internet at my house anymore

Belmont2500 · **Reply #35 on:** August 12, 2009, 10:14:49 AM

that sucks.

metadude1234 · **Reply #36 on:** August 18, 2009, 01:42:40 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #37 on:** August 18, 2009, 02:24:58 AM

Quote from: lbt/cty_lover,Apr 9 2009 on 10:08 AM

Wait, don't we have a LBT/Star Wars fan-fiction already? That niche is filled, my friend.

Just joking. Jedi472 hasn't updated in ages, so I've been re-reading the other fan-fic. It's good to have some new material every now and then. Time for my critique!
----------------------------------------- -----[INITIATE FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]----- -----------------------------------------

Okay, thie first thing I noticed is the mechanics. I'm sorry for being a little harsh, but is is horrid. I had a hard time following the story just because the way it is written is sub-par. It is one of the many things that irk me whenever I read fan-fiction. Bad grammar and below average mechanics just ruins the whole thing. Get a beta reader to go over your work! Also, just a hint of advice, DON'T USE MICROSOFT WORD'S SPELL CHECKER!

Sorry for the rant, but I'm serious, though. Bad grammerz fanfictz runez times ten out 10 of. (Bad grammar ruins fan-fictions 10 times out of 10). But enough mechanics, you want to hear about what I think of the story, now don't'cha? Now, when I read fan-fictions, I have a little mind-application called a Mary-sue-dar. Let me tell you, it was going off like crazy when I was reading about that time machine thingy. I mean, how old are they? If it is the year 2009, I mean, even in science fiction stories, I don't think that it is even remotely possible for two teenagers to come up with a working time machine without either divine intervention or alien information. I hope you have an explanation for how Bradley got the design to work.

Now, I feel that the plot for this is decent. I mean, it isn't the next amazing novel, but it has potential. The only real problems is the way you added detail to the general idea of the plot. You should try planning out your chapters beforehand. It might help you in writing better chapters in the future. It is a good story, but it needs a little more work. It seems like it was written up only in a few hours. Take your time, plan out your chapters, maybe make them longer, but put a little more effort into the story. Okay?
------------------------------------ -----[END FAN-FICTION CRITIQUE]----- ------------------------------------[/tt]

i will post how everything works all in good time my friend

metadude1234 · **Reply #38 on:** August 18, 2009, 02:53:24 AM

i'll update asap

metadude1234 · **Reply #39 on:** August 19, 2009, 06:22:49 PM

almost finished chapter 3!!!