The Gang of Five
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Ducky123's fic

Ducky123 · 254 · 31786

Ducky123

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I guessed you simply missed the updates... No problem :)

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Poor Cera. It looks like her injury is finally taking a toll on the poor threehorn. Resignation is not part of Cera's usual repertoire of emotions... That is a very worrisome sign. sad.gif
Good point.
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I rather liked this chapter (and the previous ones, now that I have had an opportunity to read them) and I noticed very little in the way of grammar errors. In fact, the only correction that I would suggest in this chapter would be changing Cera's dialogue from "I listen" to "I am listening...". I must say that there has been a noticeable improvement in your use of the English language as you have continued this story and started your second one. in-yes.gif
Thanks for the flowers :angel bushwacked helps me to muck 'em out though :exactly
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Anyway, good series of chapters here - maybe I'm a bit of a sadist but I like how unrelentingly dire the situation is for the main five.
Quite :p
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Looks like Threehorn's causing more problems than helping, as per usual dino_tongue.gif
Could not have said that any better :DD
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Hopefully Petrie's mother can help the gang out, otherwise things are looking pretty grim for them...
You'll see soon enough...

Maybe I'll upload another one on Wednesday... If I don't, expect the next update at the weekend :)
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Cancerian Tiger

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I certainly hope Cera gets help soon, along with the others.  Poor girl is probably starting to go into septicemia, though I hope not :unsure:.

Something that is bugging me is that, after their fight, there has been no push to have Littlefoot apologize to Cera what he had said to her and about starting that fight.  Yet, because of her actions in the actual film, people have chastised her character endlessly for not apologizing to Littlefoot after the fact.  I'm sensing a bit of a double-standard going on, and I don't know why Littlefoot has been acting in an uncaring manner toward Cera when he started that fight.  I don't know what you have planned later on in your story, but that is something that has bugged me over the last few chapters :unsure:.


Ducky123

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Thanks for pointing that out :)

Due to the events in the next 10-15 chapters or so, I just can't include an "apology scene" there. However, I'm just at a point in the story where it'd fit in nicely. So I will write a scene where Littlefoot apologises for his behavior (and maybe Cera could admit some of her faults as well?) However, it might take some time until that very chapter is uploaded.

And you're right. Cera has septicemia. I'm not sure if all the symptoms are correctly described in the chapters yet to be uploaded though. If they aren't, please let me know :)

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Chapter 33: Some thoughts

Mama Flyer overlooked the area from the sky, scouting for entrances into the system of caves -whereby Pterano had failed the previous day. Other than him, she spotted the cave in fairly quickly so she glided down to have a better view. Eventually, she came down next to the cave in and peeped into the hole. She made out a little cavity from which two paths lead away. One of them was blocked and appeared to lead to the cave in that had created the hole at which edge she was standing in the first place. Then, she saw something red on the ground that was too similar to blood to have further doubts.
"The kids were here!" she muttered in excitement and worry at the same time - after all, the blood was there with a reason... At least one of two 'bigger' children must have been hurt but it seemed to have escaped the cave in... Agitated and full of recharged energy, the Flyer made her way to the rest of the herd...

The majority of the herd members were resting, aside from two Rainbowfaces who were exploring both directions along the Big Water. A few trees full of juicy, yummy treestars would be just what the exhausted dinosaurs urgently needed.
However, many, and especially those whose children were in Lands Unknown, were plagued by restlessness that made it almost impossible to sit around doing nothing. The female Swimmer, in particular, was horribly worried about her little girl. She kept having conversations with everyone she met, letting them know how concerned she was, until nobody listened to her whines anymore. Therefore, she went to her little ones - with the exception of Ducky - and tried to console them, sobbing herself. The death of their father was a shocking experience for the little ones and they were missing  their sister sorely, as did their mother.

Pterano tried to make the best out of the situation so he gave his nieces and nephews a lesson in fishing. Nonetheless, the young ones weren't really focused on what was happening around them, hardly paying attention to Pterano's words so that Pterano quickly resigned and attempted to fish a hunger-ceasing meal for his family. His luck, however, was so low that his haul wasn't even ceasing the hardly exististant appetite of his nephews and nieces - he didn't eat anything himself.

The old Threehorn couldn't make peace either. Insidely, his temper was still boiling with fury, grief and worry. He was mad at himself, at Pterano, at the Longneck, at the Sharpteeth, at the earthshake, at the fire... in a word, he was mad at everyone and everything. The mourning teared his heart apart; he wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to live without his love and daughters. Of course, there was a chance that Cera was still alive and kicking but his fate would have had to fool him immensely if he ever saw Cera again. After all, it had been trying to throw more and more stones in his way for weeks! He fought the battle between his pride, that wouldn't  allow him to give his sorrow free rein, and his heart being broken. His concern about Cera and, though to a considerably smaller degree, the herd didn't leave him in peace.
In any case, the Threehorn kept his eyes open, seeking for possible attackers and the Flyer... He didn't have to wait long...

Grandma and Grandpa Longneck used the free time to worry about Bron's absence.
"Dear, what has happened to Bron?" Grandma piped up. "He didn't arrive at the oasis..."
"Might have been the best for him..." Grandpa muttered absentmindedly. "I wouldn't wish my worst enemy such a battle!"
"Of course you wouldn't," Grandma affirmed. "Though he would have been a major support," she added with a sigh.
"Yes, he is a skilled fighter," Grandpa said, agreeing with his mate. "Maybe we would have won the battle if we hadn't lost him... Maybe some of the dead would be still alive..."
"That may be but it was his fault, without any doubt!" Grandma shouted. "We tried everything to convince him to stay after all..."
"Now don't judge him worse than he deserves," Grandpa said softly. "I believe that you just let your frustration guide you... which is to be prevented, my dear."
"I have every right to be frustrated!" she snapped, bethinking not much after. "I have lost my daughter yesterday, my grandson is missing and my son in law is who knows where; possibly dead. On top of that, our situation doesn't leave much to be desired. Doesn't that give me the right to be grumpy?"
"Of course, dear," Grandpa soothed the love of his life. "We may have lost a lot, but we're still together!"
"True..." Grandma admitted and rubbed her neck against her mate's.
"We must not lose hope. Never!" Grandpa instructed.
"I know, my love, I know..."
"Hey, is it the Flyer approaching?" Grandpa suddenly called.
It was Mama Flyer indeed. As soon as she had touched down she began to share the news...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope... :p Do you think the adults will find the children or not?

The next chapter will continue the last scene of this one. Also, there will be a scene about Petrie's character :)
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rhombus

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So now the parents are about to receive the news that their children have survived the cave in.  It will be interesting to see how they react to this news.  Other than that, I really liked how you portrayed the thoughts of the respective parents.  They seem in character and I can easily visualize each of them reacting in the manner in which you described them in this chapter. :yes I look forward to seeing the continuation of this scene in the next chapter.

So Cera does have septicemia.  :o  Oh that poor girl.


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.


Cancerian Tiger

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Quote from: rhombus,Feb 10 2014 on  10:28 PM
So Cera does have septicemia.  :o  Oh that poor girl.
I know, right :cry?  I wonder what healing medicine dinosaurs in the LBT universe would have for that.  Most likely some kind of plant.  I know in our world, you get placed in ICU and juiced up on liquid IV antibiotics.  Scary stuff, and when I went in for my ear infection, I was lucky to go when I did and avoid this altogether :crazy.


Ducky123

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Thanks rhombus! I hope I will not disappoint you. :smile

Yeah, you were lucky. That is why we should go to the doctor if there's something wrong. I don't think it is too big a spoiler if I say that your assumption is correct, CT :) There will be some kind of plant and I hinted at it in one of the earlier chapters already (probably around 15 - 20).
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Ducky123

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Chapter 34: New Hope/Petrie's inside

The members of the recently founded herd were gathered around the Flyer quicker than a Sharptooth could possibly open his mouth. Everybody was calling and asking in a mess so that the Threehorn had to stomp his foot to make the crowd fall silent.
"They're alive!" Petrie's Mother panted. "Probably..."
A conjuct cry of jubilation sounded.
"That's great news!" Mama Swimmer sobbed in relief.
"Well done, dear," Grandma praised.
"Well, by the look of it, I indeed missed something really important..." Pterano admitted in shame.
Even though his failure was now official, he was happy about it. After all, it was more important that the kids were save than his pride was.
The Threehorn glanced at Pterano grimly, but he left it at that.
"Well... congrats," he muttered in lack of words.
"Now tell us what exactly you have discovered," Grandpa requested.
"Questions later, please," Grandma amented.
"Alrighty! So... I've spotted this hole in the ceiling of the cave system; the ceiling's totally caved in there!"
"I knew that I failed," Pterano thought.
"I looked into the opening, discovering a tiny hollow with two paths leading away from it from which one was completely blocked."
"I STOOD ON THE OTHER SIDE..." Pterano cursed insidely.
"That's no proof for our children having been there of course... but a spot of blood certainly is!"
The crowd gasped.
"Blood?! Ohhhh noooooooo!" Ducky's Mother called hysterically.
"Does this mean they are...?" Pterano didn't dare to finish this sentence.
"I doubt that," his sister responded. "Otherwise, I would have discovered their bodies."
"What did the spot of blood look like?" Oscar wanted to know.
"Well... it was about the size of a Spiketail footmark, circular... a-and there  aren't any tracks of blood leading away from it." Mama Flyer now remembered details she didn't exactly register when seeing them.
"So that indicates that one of the kids got injured, collapsing. Later, though, it was able to walk away as the injury had closed and stopped bleeding," Oscar explained.
"Which indicates that at least one of the kids is probably still alive, more likely all of them," Grandpa noted.
"Then we need to free them now!" Mr. Clubtail proposed.
"Yeah, but we mustn't do it in a rush," the Threehorn amended.
"That is correct, Mr. Threehorn, we need a plan," Grandpa announced.
"We need to free them NOW!!!" Mama Swimmer screamed in a panic.
"Settle down, my dear," Grandma said gently. "We will rescue the children sooner than you may think right now."
"So who has a plan?" Mr. Clubtail questioned.

Cera soon drifted off whereas Ducky nodded off on Petrie's side. The tiny Flyer was quite worried about many things. On the one hand, he was concerned about Ducky whom he really cared about not only when she, like a few moments ago, cried. Although he was ematiated and worn-out himself, his situation was still better than Ducky's. The Swimmer got increasingly feeble, seemingly. Petrie had concerns for Cera as well, even though the impetuous Threehorn girl was the only member of their group the Flyer didn't quite like. They had become a group, a team somehow although there were disagreements and problems among them. Petrie felt much safer at withstanding adventure after adventure on their way, that would hopefully lead them to their folks soon, along with Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky and Spike. He was born anxious, hence any company was better than being alone, with the exception of the company of a Sharptooth perhabs...
On the other hand, he was annoyed by the fact that he still wasn't capable of flying. His siblings were since an eternity but he wasn't, always being the only one falling out of the nest, being clumsy and having a miserable speech pattern. His siblings had always laughed, only his uncle Pterano was always on his side and trusted him. Petrie missed his siblings, his mother and his uncle nevertheless. Though they were his tiniest worry... What was really bothering him, was the thought of Littlefoot, Cera, Spike and specially Ducky making fun of him for one or another reason. The Flyer was used to it from his siblings but he earnestly hoped that his four friends wouldn't do it as well.
On top of that, Petrie wanted to be useful for the group which he, from his point of view, could only be if being capable of flying. He could spot dangers from the sky and fly ahead to look for the best way. Besides, he would be much faster than on his feet... Moreover, he had in mind to impress Ducky which would prove tricky without doing some skilled maneuvres in the air...
Petrie yawned. Thinking made him all dizzy. Carefully, he placed Ducky, who was still dosing on his side on the ground. The Swimmer curled up and continued to snooze. Petrie curled up himself, drifting off to sleep in a blink of an eye and entered the world of dreams...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you enjoyed the read :angel

The next chapter is called "Food". Said enough :p
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rhombus

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An excellent addition, I really have nothing to add in terms of corrections.  :yes I especially like the way that you portrayed Petrie's thoughts towards the end of the chapter.  In many ways Petire's personality is a complex web of good intentions interwoven with deep personal insecurities.  I like how you showed his feelings on not being able to fly and his lingering fear of ridicule by those whom he loved.  When I was a small child I was beset by a number of developmental delays (on account of autism and being born premature) and I was faced with a similar web of insecurities.  I suppose that is why I related to Petrie's plight in the first film. :yes I think that you have captured the inner turmoil that comes with that quite well.

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The next chapter is called "Food". Said enough

What a coincidence!  The next chapter in my story is called "hunger". :DD  I hope that your version of the gang soon finds some green food, because in my story...  Well, you know.  :p


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.


Ducky123

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Haha, yes I know :lol

I'm happy that you liked the way I described Petrie's inner mess :)
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Ducky123

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Chapter 35: Food!

The grown-ups had agreed on a plan after debating for a long time: The female Flyer would lead the herd to the place where she had discovered signs for their children still being alive. They would discuss everything else once they would have arrived at their destination. They would have to walk for a whole day at least though since the way through the oasis was obviously blocked on the one hand so they had circumnavigate the cliff that continued for a fair distance, and since there was simply no path leading up to the plateau on the other hand, the way to go would be even longer.
The herd set out on their way.

Littlefoot and Spike slowly but progressively made headway. The path was very long and their legs became heavier with every step, but Spike having an extremely good sense of smell could smell fresh air, as did Littlefoot. Spike could even smell food so they urged each other on until they saw the end of the path.
Spike uttered an elated cry and stormed towards the exit as if he hadn't been so exhausted all the time. Littlefoot rejoiced as well though he couldn't take on Spike's incredible speed.
As the little Longneck eventually caught up with Spike at the exit, he was out of breath. It was already getting dark outside; the first lights on the sky began to sparkle. Littlefoot scanned the surrounding area. He looked upon a deserted landscape - there were hardly any plants. Those there were withered. To his right, he could spot the Big Water some distance away, to his left, the remains of the wonderful sunset in contrast to the dismal landscape. The Longneck turned around and looked upon the steep wall of solid rock. "That ought to be the other side of the oasis..." He looked into the extensive wasteland again. "So... here is... was the Great Valley..."
There was the loud sound of chewing; Spike had started to munch on a farn.
Food. Littlefoot had totally forgotten it in his euphoria.
Feeling his hunger more than ever before, he started to pluck the leaves from a bush. Though they didn't taste as good as the leaves he was used to eating in the Great Valley by far, they were quite edible and satisfied his hunger.
They ate a fair while until their stomachs were filled. They would need some more of those feasts to regain their full strength.
Spike poked Littlefoot who had just been about to get some rest.
"Oww, what is it, Spike?" the Longneck muttered sleepily.
Spike pointed at the food and then at the cave's entrance.
"Of course..." Littlefoot exclaimed and got up again. "We... I completely forgot Cera! Ducky and Petrie as well..." he sighed. "Spike listen. I'll gather some green stuff and you'll carry it, agreed?"
"Hmm Mmh," Spike answered.
"Alright, follow me," Littlefoot told.
The two dinosaurs gathered all sorts of green food they could find. A huge farn served as support. Littlefoot bundled leaves, more farns, grass and even some berries onto the back of the young Spiketail.
They walked back to their friends as soon as they considered they had gathered enough food for everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, short chapter, I know :angel The chapters I'm currently working at will be longer. I'm trying to reach at least 1000 words per chapter (this one having around 500 only).

Thought I'd try to get back to uploading twice a week since I've recovered from my little motivation and creativy crisis :p

The next couple chapters will be about Ducky a lot...
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rhombus

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Finally, the gang has found food.  Or, at least, Spike and Littlefoot have.  Also it looks like the adults are finally en route to the missing children.  Hopefully Cera gets some help soon...

The only problems that I noticed were a few issues with sentence structure, where a few sentences could be separated out into a few shorter sentences in order to make it flow better.

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They would discuss everything else once they would have arrived at their destination.

This should be rewritten to omit "would have".

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They would have to walk for a whole day at least though since the way through the oasis was obviously blocked on the one hand so they had circumnavigate the cliff that continued for a fair distance, and since there was simply no path leading up to the plateau on the other hand, the way to go would be even longer.

This should probably be rewritten in order to make the sentence easier to follow.  This could be done by separating the first portion of your sentence into a separate sentence and making a few minor modifications to the second part:

"They would have to walk for at least one day since the way through the oasis was obviously blocked.  So they would have to circumnavigate the cliff that continued for a fair distance, and since there was simply no path leading up to the plateau on the other hand, the way to go would be even longer.

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The path was very long and their legs became heavier with every step, but Spike having an extremely good sense of smell could smell fresh air, as did Littlefoot. Spike could even smell food so they urged each other on until they saw the end of the path.

This sentence was a bit hard to follow.  Perhaps it could be broken up slightly and rearranged.  Although my proposal is still a bit blocky, perhaps this would flow a bit better:

"The path was very long and their legs became heavier with every step; but Spike, having an extremely good sense of smell, could smell fresh air.  After some time, so did Littlefoot.  Spike could even smell food, so they urged each other on until they saw the end of the path."

Overall, a good chapter.  I look forward to see how this develops.  :yes Even though Spike and Littlefoot have collected enough food I worry that Cera might not be able to keep it down.  :unsure:


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.


vonboy

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I really haven't been following this story I don't even remember where I had stopped, sicne I'd read a couple off chapters here and there and missed big hoes in between, but I read through the few most recent chapters.

You're writing is definitely getting better, Ducky! Are you still needing to get help with translating this to English, or are you going it by yourself now?

It's great that the Gang has been able to stay together, and work together this whole time. I remember in some random chapters, them having to go through some great hardships. Family members dieing, mourning, grieving, hunger, hopelessness, coping. All kinds of things.

I'm probably gonna just have to reread this story from the beginning to really get it, but I really wanna write out the second part of my own little story tonight.

Keep it up, ducky! :yes

Come check out my new Youtube gaming channel, Game Biter!
---------------------
Littlefoot: "Look, Chomper. You're uncle is dead, and it's just right for your friends to be there for you. You'd be there if someone we know died, right?"

Chomper: "Well, sure I would!"

Come give my LBT TV Series fanfiction, PAST-O-RAMA, a read!
---------------------
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Ducky123

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Ah, I'm very happy that you're still following :smile

I am writing this in English since the mid of chapter 37 (written in September I guess :angel) and doing fairly good at it I guess :p

They are indeed going through some hardships, and many to follow... yes, I'm evil :p Seriously, they have to go through some hardships in the Original so they'll have to in my fic as well :exactly

Thanks for the review!!
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Ducky123

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Somehow, I missed your review, rhombus :oops

The trouble with the long sentences is that, in German, they are actually more common and wanted than in english language so I sometimes have to cut the sentences which I sometimes forget or fail to notice :p
Thanks again :) I will return that favor tomorrow when my review to your new installment will be done :exactly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 36: What's the matter with Ducky?

The grown-ups had wandered off, immediately walking along the way around the cliff in a rather moderate speed. They were even too exhausted to think about increasing their speed. Moreover, many were still struggling with their injuries. Mama Flyer lead the way.

It was already night when the mixed herd finally discovered a suitable place to spend the night and drifted off to sleep...

Ducky was awake for quite some time already. The nagging hunger and the fear kept her eyes open. The Swimmer was thirsty as well, so thirsty in fact that she didn't produce any tears at weeping. A feeling that she didn't know had taken possesion of her. Hopelessness. She began to lose hope, slowly but surely. On top of that, she couldn't fend off all the feelings and thoughts haunting her. Tightly wrapping her arms around her knees, she leaned on the wall and cried silently. Usually, she would be ashamed for crying like a hatchling at the very least but she was indifferent now.
Ducky didn't know how long she had sat there like that awaiting the end but at some point she decided to lie down, hoping to be able to fall asleep and maybe waking up again...

When Littlefoot and Spike eventually had arrived at their friends, they noticed that Cera, Ducky and Petrie were sound asleep which wasn't strange at all, considering that it had to be the middle of the night.
Spike especially would have prefered to join them but due to the fact that their friends were barely more than skin and bones Littlefoot had decided that they needed the food asap prior to arriving at the place they were resting at.
"Let's wake 'em up, shall we Spike," Littlefoot suggested.
Spike nodded and trailed to Ducky and Petrie while Littlefoot woke up Cera. That was, he tried to...
Spike was luckier than Littlefoot at first. Petrie was fast awake as Spike licked all over the Flyer's body but Ducky remained unmoving. The Spiketail poked the Swimmer girl without whom he would be likely dead now unsuccessfully. While Littlefoot roused Cera with an unorthodox method - he opened her eyelids, Spike uttered a concerned sound.
Littlefoot gazed to Spike and observed that Ducky was still inert.
Petrie was baffled.
"What wrong?"
Cera didn't even take the effort of getting up.
"Ducky, wake up! Ducky!" Littlefoot shouted and tried to waken her ungently. Without success.
Petrie had realised what was going on so he waddled to his friend.
"Ducky, you no be dead, no be dead, please!" he entreated, grabbed Ducky's fists and pulled her body into a straight posture.
"I am not dead, no, no, no..." Ducky mumbled, her eyes still being closed.
Spike performed a dance of joy, Petrie embraced the Swimmer girl tightly.
"Me so happy you not dead too," he stated, relieved.
Littlefoot smiled, visibly relieved as well.
"Congratulation!" Cera called in her usual sarkastic voice.
"Though I will be dead soon, yes I will..." Ducky said.
"You won't! We got green food!" Littlefoot's smile grew bigger and bigger.
"Whoo they made it indeed..." Cera grunted, the fact that Spike had just done a big service to the
group displeasuring her.
"YAAAY! Me already thought me gonna starve," the little Flyer exclaimed elatedly.
Spike simply grinned bashfully and Littlefoot supported Cera at getting up, as much as Cera disliked it.
Ducky was the only one who didn't seem to share the happiness.
"I am not hungry..." she told Petrie quietly as he was about to lead her to the green food that Spike had placed on the ground.
"You not hungry, Ducky?" he croaked unbelievingly and taken aback. "You only bones and skin, you need green stuff to crunch very, very urgently!"
"No thanks..."
Littlefoot and Spike joined the conversation.
"What's the matter, Petrie?" Littlefoot asked as he saw Petrie's expression.
"Ducky no want any green stuff..." he told him and sighed.
"WHAT?!? Ducky, you're starving! You GOTTA eat something!" Littlefoot shouted as unbelievingly as Petrie.
"I do not want to have anything, please leave me alone..." As everyone was uncomprehendingly gazing at her, Cera in particular, the Swimmer added beseechingly.
"Pleeeaaaase..."
"Absolutely not! Me no want more dead dinosaurusses..." Petrie stated determinedly. "We your friends, not your foes..."
"Petrie's right, Ducky. Look... we're always there if you need us..." Littlefoot told calmly.
"Please..." Ducky sobbed.
"Me no understand you, Ducky!" Petrie exclaimed desperately.
"Tell us what's on your mind," Littlefoot pleaded.
"Please..." Petrie supplemented.
All of a sudden, Ducky straightened up and started to howl in a way that even startled Cera being rather bold.
"GO AWAY!!! LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE!!!" She stormed away.
"Ducky!" Petrie called. He attempted to follow his friend but Littlefoot intervened.
"Give her some time to calm down, Petrie," Littlefoot told him in exhaustion.
"But..." the Flyer objected.
"Let some time pass, please," the Longneck pleaded.
"Okay, but me very concerned..."
"We are as well, Petrie," Littlefoot sighed.
Spike appeared to be rather sad.
"Well, at least you two should eat," Littlefoot proposed. "But leave some for the little one."
"You no want nothing, Littlefoot?" Petrie questioned.
"Spike and I already have eaten our full."
"Ah, me geddit."

While Cera and Petrie were eating discreetly and Spike was settling down with no appetite, Littlefoot analysed Ducky behavior. He couldn't explain to himself why the little one had acted that unlikely; her cries were shut down. The young Longneck yawned. He should better get some rest to be at his full strength the next day. Curling up into his sleeping pose, he drifted off to sleep.
Cera and Petrie imitated him not soon after.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I hope you don't consider this too depressing :unsure: Sometimes I can get carried away by the emotions that the character's are having since I start to feel what they feel. I try to imagine how they might react...

The next chapter will have the continuation of Ducky's hardships and the grown-ups again. Also, it is that very chapter that I first attempted to write in english language, something that feels so normal nowadays :smile
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rhombus

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Yikes.  The despair of deep depression has really taken hold of Ducky.  Of course, who can blame her in their current dire predicament?  I hope that she comes to her senses soon, or at least regains them enough to eat some food.  Between her situation and Cera's worsening infection, they are in quite a state.  It will be interesting to see how this develops.  :yes

I didn't find much to correct in terms of grammar.  The only thing that I noticed was that the instance of "sarkastic" should be respelled "sarcastic".  

Overall this is a good, if depressing, chapter.  :yes


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.


Ducky123

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Thanks :)

Ducky is the emotionally weakest member of the group so it's most reasonable to have her as the one who is having the biggest problem with dealing with all the hardships they have to endure.

Oh... my bad :p It's spelled with a "k" in german. Oh well... :)

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Cancerian Tiger

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Ducky's behavior sounds like that of someone who is severely dehydrated; something I see commonly where I live and work :unsure:.  That girl better get her act together and eat something soon :neutral.  At least the plants would give her a source of water.


Dosu2Dinner

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Chapters 27 and 28:
OK, I've got round to reading them at last.  :p  Interesting insight to Pterano's though processes there - glad to see he's staying optimistic throughout this whole affair, though that may be a by-product of his ego...who knows?  :confused

What I really like about what you've done here is the insights you give into the minds of the children concerning their companionship with each other, Littlefoot with sibling-like feelings for the rest of them, as well as Cera nursing her pride (not to mention her back, ouch!  :o ) really shows what they may have been thinking during the first film.  :lol It's a good literary technique, I think.

Sorry its been so long, and I'll try to read more when I can.  :p


Ducky123

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Quote
Ducky's behavior sounds like that of someone who is severely dehydrated; something I see commonly where I live and work unsure.gif. That girl better get her act together and eat something soon dino_neutral.gif. At least the plants would give her a source of water.
It wasn't my intention to have the poor swimmer suffer under dehydration but it coincidentally matches her behavior nevertheless. I actually had in mind that Ducky starts to block everything and everyone off due to her depression which is caused by the disturbing things she had and has to witness, and due to being separated from her family. People in such a depressed state often "lock" themselves and throw the key away... a dangerous move. The loneliness will make it worse and Ducky did realise that as you will see in chapter 37 :)

Quote
Chapters 27 and 28:
OK, I've got round to reading them at last. dino_tongue.gif Interesting insight to Pterano's though processes there - glad to see he's staying optimistic throughout this whole affair, though that may be a by-product of his ego...who knows? dino_confused.gif
Ah, I'm happy that you've been finally able to get back into it. I hope I'm not too fast  :unsure: Yeah... Pterano... I thought he should have a chapter where he is thining about some things. I'm doing way too few thought-based scenes and way too much dialogue :angel
Quote
What I really like about what you've done here is the insights you give into the minds of the children concerning their companionship with each other, Littlefoot with sibling-like feelings for the rest of them, as well as Cera nursing her pride (not to mention her back, ouch! ohmy.gif ) really shows what they may have been thinking during the first film. dino_laugh.gif It's a good literary technique, I think.
Thanks :) Though I wasn't aware of that, hehe :p

Right... here we go... the line amidst the chapter is the very border between where I started to write this in english language.. It means a lot to me so please excuse me if I keep it where it is :angel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 37: Ducky changes her mind at last/ The Search begins

Ducky was fast asleep soon. In the sleep, she was being tormented by terrible sleepstories yet she kept sleeping.
Eventually, she did woke up nevertheless, feeling miserable. At first, she wanted to lay down again to die but then she came up with a better plan. She recalled how hungry she was so she would eat Spike's food; she was also very sad so she would seek the closeness to her friends. Maybe there was  still hope...
During the Swimmer's slow walk back to her friends, she wondered about her curious behaviour not too long ago. The only thought that was circling in her head was... the desire to end it, having given up. But ending it was painful. She had felt it earlier hence she didn't want to die anymore but to live. Moreover, her friends had been awfully worried about her wellbeing. Ducky still had Littlefoot's words in mind.
She soon arrived at her destination where her friends were snoozing in harmony. At first, Ducky decided to munch a few leaves. It felt great to experience the change from gnawing hunger to a blissfully filled tummy, but she was still awfully saddened, having suppressed a desire to cry without really wanting to.
Originally, Ducky had planned to sleep with Spike but she eventually trotted  to Littlefoot. The Longneck was smart and he was likely to find the right words to console her. Besides, he wouldn't accuse her of crying too much which Cera would do with much pleasure. Spike could only lick her and Petrie was mostly the one to hug her anyway.
She nudged her friend carefully, whispering.
"Littlefoot, wake up, please..."
Littlefoot did awoke though he wasn't exactly happy about it.
"Oww, what's the matter? I'm so t..." He stopped at seeing Ducky's facial expression. The young one collapsed and curled up into a snivelling ball.
Littlefoot supported the weeping Swimmer although he would have prefered to be asleep. After a while, the cries and moarns faded away. Ducky fell asleep rather soon, tightly cuddled up with Littlefoot.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Everyone wake up!!!" the voice of the old Threehorn sounded. "We're late so we gotta hurry!"
Some members of the herd looked as if they didn't appreciate being woken up that early, it was merely morning.
"Oh come on guys, we gotta find the children as soon as possible if you don't want them to be dead!"
At that, everyone got up and the herd gathered around the Threehorn and Grandpa Longneck.
"Lead the way, please," Grandpa told Petrie's Mother who raised into the sky at that, leading the way to the opening in the ceiling of the cave. Not that there was any need to do so since everyone could see it very well once they had climbed up a steep path that lead up to the plateau. Having their destination in sight, they hurried to get there.
While she was walking, still plagued by the pain of her many injuries that likely wouldn’t ever heal fully, Grandma Longneck overviewed the area several times, hoping to see Bron, but she was being disappointed. Bron was nowhere to be seen nor were any other dinosaurs.
Sighing, she walked on. The only hope that was left was Littlefoot. If she lost him, too, she wouldn't know what to do next. She wasn't even sure if she then wanted to live at all. There was no aim in her life but to keep the only member of her family that was probably still alive - not counting her mate.

When the herd arrived at the opening in the ceiling, they gathered around it. Everyone took a look into it, seeing the blood on the ground themselves.
"Well, who'd like to comb through the cave?" Grandma asked the gathered herd members.
"I will!" Pterano confirmed.
"I would but I'm probably too big," Mama Swimmer sighed.
"Of course I'll go down there, but someone must take care of our children for the time that we're gone," Mama Flyer exclaimed.
"Good, more volunteers?" the Threehorn said.
Everybody just shook their heads.
"Fine, I could take care of the young ones," Grandpa offered which made Grandma giggle.
"Dear, are you sure you mean it?" She asked her mate poking him fondly.
"Quite," he replied. "See, I'm going to announce a story telling event for the kids and for everyone who's interested."
"After all that time..." Grandma wowed.
"Yeah..." Grandpa replied simply.
"How long will it take you to search for the kids?" a Spiketail questioned.
"Depends on the size of the cave..." Petrie's Mother sighed.
"We may be back in a bit, whether or not they're in there, but we may be gone for the whole day also..." Pterano added.
"You better hurry..." the Threehorn growled.
"At your service," Pterano replied simply.
"Good Luck!" Grandma sighed. "You'll need it...
With that, the two Flyers  climbed down into the dark cave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next chapter is a little more easy-going. The gang's trying to consider what to do next. It'll soon turn very interesting, I promise you that :smile
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rhombus

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It is nice to see that Ducky has regained the will to live.  :yes The scene with Littlefoot was a nice touch.  I like how she went to Littlefoot as she thought that he would probably know the right words, but in the end he didn't really have to say anything, he just needed to be there for her.

The only thing that I would mention is a small word sequences issue.  In the first sentence:

Quote
Ducky was fast asleep soon.

It should probably be reworded "Ducky was soon fast asleep."  Other than that I found no issues.

I look forward to seeing how the search for the children develops.   :yes


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Menders Tale.