Dawn of a Wingtail

[Sky]

Heya!
So, here it is... my project I'm currently working on: "Dawn of a Wingtail", a Land Before Time comic.
Unlike previous comic attempts and failures, I finished the whole story of this one and I hope to manage it till the end.
Thank you Caustizer for inspiring me! :^.^:

List of pages:

[Sky]

Okay, so let's start with the cover and page 01:


The cover was only a practice on backgrounds at first, but I liked it too much and used it as a cover instead. ^_^
As for page one, nothing much happens right now in the Great Valley. The day is almost over, dinosaurs having dinner and Sky is flying around. I wonder why? =O

I apologize for the lack of shading of page one. Took me long enough to finish the first two panels and shading every panel would be too much for me. XP

Until the next pages, enjoy!  

[Kor]

Very nice artwork.  Looks interesting.  Sounds , and looks, like that did take quite some time to do.

[2007excalibur2007]

Lookin' good so far - can't wait to see the rest.

[Chiletrek]

Hello:
 It looks awesome, I like that you placed the image from your signature in the comic's cover .
 As for how it is painted and drawn: pure eye-candy.
 Keep it up!

[Caustizer]

This is extremely detailed and well coloured.  From the looks of it your comic is probably the closest art that I have found to what an LBT movie would actually look like, and this enhances it immeasurably compared to some other art that doesn't share the same style.

That being said, I was hoping for a bit more insight into the path the story is going to take from the first few pages, and they dissapoint in that regard.  Every story needs a good beginning I suppose, and it looks like we will have to wait to see what you have planned for us.

Caustizer.  

[Pangaea]

This looks fantastic!

Good idea to keep the cover artwork. I agree, it looks beautiful. The yellowish rocks look a tiny bit strange (and the ones by the bushes in the background seem a little out of place), but otherwise the picture is nearly flawless. The vegetation in particularóthe grass, the tree, the bushesóis astounding. The clouds and the sky are gorgeous as well.

I honestly can’t come up with anything substantial to criticize about the art Page One. I really like the art style; it’s very “comic-booky”, but it’s distinctly yours, and clearly LBT. As far as I’m concerned, you did a masterful job drawing simplified yet still reasonably realistic backgrounds. I’m especially fond of the trees and rocks in the background of the frame with the longnecks, who look very good themselves (Awesome job making the water plants the one in the foreground is eating look wet). And I absolutely LOVE the two pictures of Sky. The angle, the expression, the distance at which you’re showing him, how much of him is visible; it’s just perfect.

While I like how the opening lines are reminiscent of the first movie, I couldn’t help but feel that some of them didn’t work too well with one another:

Upon the same Earth, beneath the same sun . . .
. . . this planet we call Earth was quite a different place . . .
. . . and this world was home to the dinosaurs. . .

In addition to the fact that the introduction effectively references “this world” three times, the first and second quoted lines do not really work as parts of the same sentence. (Please tell me if I am not being clear.)

If you wanted to preserve the original-movie-sounding style of the introduction, you could delete the second quoted line, and change the third to “it was the time of the dinosaurs” or something of the like.

I’m very excited to see more of this.

[Sky]

Caustizer
Aww man... D:
Sorry I disappointed you again. I promise to upload more pages much earlier.

Pangaea
The third line was actually a new sentence. How about:

Upon the same land, beneath the same sun...
...this planet we call Earth was quite a different place.

'And this world was home to the dinosaurs.' or like you mentioned 'It was the time of the dinosaurs'.

I would like to keep some more lines to fill the page. It looks less boring in my opinion. :^.^:

[Caustizer]

Caustizer
Aww man... D:
Sorry I disappointed you again. I promise to upload more pages much earlier.

I wouldn't view it as dissapointment Sky, try just to think of it as constructive criticism.  

Both pages are great, but if I just only said that then my review wouldn't be all that useful would it?  

Caustizer

[Pangaea]

That being said, I was hoping for a bit more insight into the path the story is going to take from the first few pages, and they dissapoint in that regard.  Every story needs a good beginning I suppose, and it looks like we will have to wait to see what you have planned for us.

I’m not 100% certain that I’m not misunderstanding you, but might that be speaking just a teensy bit too soon? It's just the cover (which, admittedly, doesn't say much about the story, although it looks nice) and the first page, with all of four frames to set up the introduction. Personally, I don't like a story that jumps into things too quickly. I'm anticipating that the next couple of pages will do more to establish the direction this one is headed.

The third line was actually a new sentence. How about:

Upon the same land, beneath the same sun...
...this planet we call Earth was quite a different place.

'And this world was home to the dinosaurs.' or like you mentioned 'It was the time of the dinosaurs'.

I would like to keep some more lines to fill the page. It looks less boring in my opinion. :^.^:

Ah. Well, the thing is, the part before that isn't really a sentence in itself, in the same way that the words “Once upon a time . . .” are the first half of an introductory sentence. Because of that, changing “Earth” to “land” doesn't really solve the problem I mentioned. In fact, personally I'd stick with “Earth”. In addition to sounding better, there's been a LOT of geological change since the time of the dinosaurs, so arguably it's NOT the same land as today.

Maybe instead of

“...this planet we call Earth was quite a different place.”

. . . you could say something like, “the land, the plants, and the animals were quite different” (or just “the land was quite different”, and/or ending it with “from today”). That would work.

[Sky]

Alright, I edited the first page just like you said, Pangaea.  

And yay! New page


Sorry for the delay, but just look at the fourth panel... o__O
I spend too much time on backgrounds.  

Hmm, I hope to speed up the story a bit with the next few pages. It progresses really slow. :unsure:

[Mumbling]

Awesome job on the details Sky! Honestly, I think releasing 1 page per week works when making such extremely detailed background. Great job!

[Pangaea]

Alright, I edited the first page just like you said, Pangaea. 

Looks good. That works much better.

And great job on the new page. I really like Sky’s pose in the second panel, and the landscape in the fourth panel is awesome! (Heck, the background in the second panel looks darn good, too. ) I also like the little effect of Sky’s foot hitting the ground in the first panel, and the detail of the ground.

So, has Sky been living in the Great Valley for a while now, and already knows the gang well? (If you’ve done any previous comics or stories in which Sky is introduced, I haven’t seen them. )

As I’m sure everyone else is, I’m wondering who’s the one who crashed into Sky. I’m going to guess Petrie, coming in for a less-than-graceful landing.

[Caustizer]

I love this page, as it really shows off not just pristine background making skills but also a wide mixture of facial poses of Sky.  My favourite posture is the third frame where he is remarking about the nice view, as he looks kind of puppy-eyed.  The fourth frame looks a little bit off though in regards to the connection of his feathers to his head - they look stuck on as opposed to being melded and streamlined like normal birds :! .  Also I'm sure Pangaea will pick this up, but his head looks a little bit too big in proportion to his eyes compared to the other shots.

This is actually exactly what I wanted in the last two pages, though I might not have expressed it clearly enough at the time.  I was hoping for a 'taste' of Sky's character to see how his appearance and his personality have changed and this page delivers and delivers well  

As for who crashed into him, I'm betting it's Guido since he is Sky's favourite character apart from his own inventions.  

Caustizer.

[Sky]

Hmm... 1 or 2 pages a week sounds good to me.  

So, has Sky been living in the Great Valley for a while now, and already knows the gang well? (If you’ve done any previous comics or stories in which Sky is introduced, I haven’t seen them. )

Yes, Sky knows the gang well.
Sadly, there is no introduction of him to the gang. I did it on previous comic attempts but they got canceled.  

The fourth frame looks a little bit off though in regards to the connection of his feathers to his head

That is where I had problems with. I tried to make them look like Ruby's 'feathers', or Guido's, looking at some references. But it didn't look that good, had to enlarge Sky's feathers or add more to fit his back head.  :unsure:
Though, I will try next time to solve this problem.  

[Pangaea]

Also I'm sure Pangaea will pick this up, but his head looks a little bit too big in proportion to his eyes compared to the other shots.

Actually, I didn't notice that.

As for who crashed into him, I'm betting it's Guido since he is Sky's favourite character apart from his own inventions. 

Guido, right! I can't believe I didn't think of him! He does sound like a better candidate for a crash landing than Petrie.

If it is Guido, I'm curious as to see if he will look any different now that a few years have passed.

So, has Sky been living in the Great Valley for a while now, and already knows the gang well? (If you’ve done any previous comics or stories in which Sky is introduced, I haven’t seen them. )

Yes, Sky knows the gang well.
Sadly, there is no introduction of him to the gang. I did it on previous comic attempts but they got canceled.  

Aw, that's a shame.

The fourth frame looks a little bit off though in regards to the connection of his feathers to his head

That is where I had problems with. I tried to make them look like Ruby's 'feathers', or Guido's, looking at some references. But it didn't look that good, had to enlarge Sky's feathers or add more to fit his back head.  :unsure:

I do agree, the feathers look a little strange (almost more like horns spikes). The problem I see is that Sky's head feathers are broadest at the base, with no visible shafts. It’s hard to make a feather look like it is realistically connected to a bird if the small attachment point is not indicated (with the feather vane narrowing towards the base), or if said attachment point is not obscured by other feathers. I’m not sure what to suggest; hiding the bases of the crest feathers with shorter, fuzzier head feathers probably wouldn’t look too good on Sky. :unsure:

I also noticed that the second feather from the top is overlapped by both the feathers above and below it, when it should overlap the feather above it.

[Sky]

Let us update with a new page.



I get really distracted too much and too easily... >_>
It looks like I upload pages every week. XP

Anyway, now we all know who crashed into Sky: Guido! (it should have been Petrie at first, but you guys changed my mind. It's now better than I expected).
I messed up making Guido look older though...
Cool! It's Petrie's first appearance.

Ah well, at this point, pages will now randomly appear. I want to work on other things too. ^_^
But don't worry, I'll work on it too every now and then.

Oh yeah, I tried a different look for his backfeathers. Hmm... it doesn't look that good when his feathers can't be fully seen. =/

[Caustizer]

I had a nice review, but I accidently pressed the '`' 'Esc' combo of keys which totally deleted everything.  

I'm too pissed to write it all again right now, so I'll simply content myself with smashing the keyboard and cursing the idiot who decided to put a delete everything key combination in until i get home from work tonight.

Caustizer.

[Pangaea]

^ Sorry to hear that, Caustizer. Danged computers.

I love this page! The first panel is hilarious! And Guido is amazingly well drawn, even if he doesn’t look older. (Adult Microraptor were only three feet long, and a number of fans think of Guido as being nearly adult already anyway.)

And wow! I didn’t expect that our comments would have such an impact on how you decided to do the comic. Way to go, Caustizer, for inspiring the change in crash-landing character choice!

You also did a terrific job on Petrie. I love his landing pose in the second panel. I can’t shake the feeling, however, that his left leg shouldn’t be completely divided from his body the way it was in that other picture you drew of him (despite being the one who suggested you draw it that way in the first place ), because in this pose we are seeing him from more of a frontal view. Maybe it would look best if a bit of the body outline extended past the lines where the legs meet the body, but the center of the area of the leg was contiguous with the body, with no line dividing it (Basically, it would be what you have now with the center of the leg/body dividing line erased, but leaving a little on each side).

By the way, the dividing line between Petrie’s stomach and left leg in the second-to-last panel is just fine.

I notice that Petrie doesn’t have any lines on this page that would betray whether his speech ability has improved or not. Have you decided how he’s going to talk in this comic?

One issue I do have with the first panel is that Sky literally appears to have no neck. It looks as if his body ends at his shoulders, and his head is lying on the ground directly in front of where his neck should be.

A couple of text corrections: In the second-to-last panel, Sky’s line should be “I couldn’t enjoy seeing the Bright Circle set”. Also, in the very last panel, there should be no comma immediately after “mister”.

And actually, I’m very impressed by how quickly you’re managing to get these pages up. I imagine it’s a lot of work to plan, draw, and color these things.

[Mumbling]

Also, in the very last panel, there should be no comma immediately after “mister”.

I think he meant to show that Guido does not quite know how he wants to call Sky... Should he say mister, or sky, or sir? I don't think he meant to say Mister Sky

Anyway, once again a lovely page and 2 thumbs up for your speed and consistency!