Cursing in fanfictions

Malte279 · **on:** March 18, 2015, 06:57:16 PM

A particular challenge for the non-native speaker/writer is the handling of swearing and cursing when writing English fanfiction.
I reached a scene in my current MLP fanfiction in which I need something like a curse. However, things are kind of complex. Not only do I want to keep it close to the sound of the actual MLP episodes (so very harsh or strongly sexually connoted language is a no go), but also the situation in which the curse is used is not even an actual quarrel and it is more used as a means to overplay embarassment (Rainbow Dash somewhat drops her "always cool mask" and is a bit frustrated about that.
As a makeshift solution I used "a pox on you!" but I suppose that may be too archaic?

I guess I need to post an excerpt here with the respective phrase. The whole story is set not long after Twilight's transformation and her crowning as a princess and in a difficult situation she is kind of reluctant to ask for help from princess Celestia, feeling that now being a princess herself she is to deal with more things by herself without help from Celestia, which which leads to this exchange between Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Here we go:

Quote

"I know", Twilight admitted. "Still, I can't just call for help from her. At least I must have something really to tell or to show her. I mean, she doesn't put her investigations on my shoulders either!"
"Totally different thing", Rainbow Dash said.
"How so?" Twilight asked.
"Oh come on Twilight! She is Celestia! You know? Celestia! The one whose name ponies call out in moments of distress! The one who raises and lowers the sun! I mean she is Celestia while you are not. I mean you are..."
As Rainbow Dash talked Twilight's look had become increasingly dismayed and Rainbow Dash noticed this much for her own chagrin.
"Oh for Equestria's sake Twilight!" Rainbow Dash shouted and pulled her into a hug. "Go ask some egghead for the right words! And a pox on you for turning me all soppy now!"

Do you think that "a pox on you" can work there or do you have better suggestions?

Serris · **Reply #1 on:** March 18, 2015, 07:24:18 PM

A "pox on you" doesn't sound like something Dash would say. Furthermore, it has an archaic sound to it.

"Buck" is often used as an equivalent to "fuck" in MLP fics.

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **Reply #2 on:** March 18, 2015, 07:35:44 PM

What does soppy mean?

I looked it up and it says:

You could have her call them knave or something, if the character is upset with someone's dishonesty.

If you wanna call someone a coward, you could call them a poltroon.

A pox on you sounds ok. (Though it technically means you are wishing syphilis on someone.

)

The Chronicler · **Reply #3 on:** March 18, 2015, 10:20:20 PM

Reading it in context, I think the best replacement for "a pox on you" (a phrase that I, a native English speaker, have never heard before) would be a simple "darn you". It's forceful enough to show that the speaker is a bit of a bad-mouth, but it's not intense enough to possibly get bleeped out on television.

With my Lego fanfiction, among the ways I've been going for the full spirit of Lego media is by trying to keep the dialogue as kid-friendly as possible. This includes using less intense "near-curses", as I'd like to call them, such as "darn", "heck", "gosh", and "shoot", just to name to ones I can think of off the top of my head right now.

Does this advice help you out a bit?

(Oh, and I guess I would also recommend changing "soppy" to "sappy", if you're trying to show that someone is feeling sad (which I'm assuming, from the context).)

rhombus · **Reply #4 on:** March 18, 2015, 10:46:44 PM

I have only heard "a pox on you" in the context of novels from the 1800s. As for the final sentence in that phrase, I can easily see "to hell with you" or "damn you" replacing "a pox on you.". Likewise, "mushy" could replace "soppy" in this context.

Ptyra · **Reply #5 on:** March 18, 2015, 11:01:46 PM

"A pox on you" would be a phrase Rarity would say, and to a lesser extent Twilight. And while Rainbow Dash probably is one of the last who would say it, it would be better in a funnier situation.

Malte279 · **Reply #6 on:** March 19, 2015, 05:49:23 AM

Thank you all very much for your input and suggestions, I appreciate it a lot

"A pox on you" can be found in some Shakespeare plays I think but since his days has lost some of its edge (since the variety of diseases covered by the term "pox" are not really rampaging in societies nowadays anymore. I have sometimes heard the phrase getting a bit of a revival in humorous contexts (Nostalgia critic used it among other), but wasn't certain to what extend it was used.
Especially in the given context it is crucial that Rainbow Dash isn't actually angry but more overplaying her own uneasiness about somewhat letting down the "always cool" mask and being honestly concerned there (it is in fact kind of a "Friendship is magic" moment; so it is kind of funny that of all words I could possibly look for I am looking for not too harsh cursing

).
I will probably go with "darn you" and also replace "soppy" with "mushy" there.
On an earlier ocassion (following the example of other writers) I had used "hooves" insteade of "heck". So far there hasn't been a moment of actual anger severe enough to go for "buck it!" or "Horseapples!"

In earlier parts of the story I had some references to Rainbow Dash being not an "egghead" (and proud of it) but made it a bit of a running joke to let her use the word "cryptic" any chance she gets with the explanation that she picked up the word from a recent Daring Do novel

Malte279 · **Reply #7 on:** April 18, 2015, 03:59:59 AM

Once again I would appreciate ever native speaker's suggestions or ideas very much, since once again I've come up with too unusual terms in my story. One of the words is again in a "near-cursing" context. Scootaloo is being bullied by Diamont Tiara and Silverspoon:

Quote

She made a motion to tauntingly knock against Scootaloo's helmet with a hoof, but the pegasus brushed away her hoof before she could touch the helmet.

"Oh, don't Silver. She doesn't want anyone to hear the hollow sound if you knock her helmet. Like they say, blank flank blank brain."
"Nopony but you says such balderdash!" Scootaloo snarled.

Can you think of a word that (unlike "balderdash") people actually know, that essentially means "bullshit" but is clean enough so it might be used in the actual series but is stronger than a mere "nonsense"?

The other word is one without any cursing context. Refering to a dictionary I had found the word "draft" as a term for a mouthful of something to drink (larger than a mere sip). However, I was unaware the word is little known or used in modern day English and am therefore looking for an alternative word for contexts like this one:

Quote

Applejack took a draft from the mug and pondered about what Twilight had told before she said:

Which words would you suggest instead of "draft" for a large mouthful of something to drink?
I appreciate your help a lot

Serris · **Reply #8 on:** April 18, 2015, 04:51:31 PM

"Gulp" could be thought of as a more modern equivalent to "draft".

I know when I was about the same age as Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo, phrases like "junk", "garbage" or "stupid stuff" was used instead of "balderdash".

Ptyra · **Reply #9 on:** April 18, 2015, 05:58:08 PM

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are also high class. I would certainly expect Diamond Tiara to say "balderdash", but not the Crusaders.

Malte279 · **Reply #10 on:** April 18, 2015, 06:07:23 PM

Scootaloo would be the one to say whatever word is picked though (she is saying it too Diamond Tiara and Silverspoon).
As for the drinking I got the recommendation of the word "swig".