Shorty's Dark Past

[rhombus]

That was a very emotional chapter.   I like how you have portrayed the inner struggle going on in Littlefoot's mind and the clash between Shorty and Ali.  It seems that Ali now has a firmer understanding of the flaws in Shorty''s character.  Likewise, Bron's reluctance to relinquish his leadership of the herd might also indicate more than a bit of pridefulness in that character... and a certain lack of social awareness (in the case of the needs of the grandparents and what would be safer for his son).  His abruptness with Shorty also, I fear, alludes to further conflict between Shorty and Littlefoot when Bron begins to interact with his biological son more.  Bron's emotional distance from Shorty would make the green longneck become especially jealous at any attention that Littlefoot would receive.

A very good addition, overall.   I look forward to the next installment.

I only had a few corrections to note:

Tears streamed down his cheek. Littlefoot felt anger like hardly ever before in his life.

This should probably be written as: "Tears streamed down his cheek. Littlefoot felt anger like he had hardly ever felt in his life."

What was the right choice, what was the wrong?

Not incorrect, but should probably be written as two sentences, like: "What was the right choice?  What was the wrong?" or, alternatively, using a semicolon: "What was the right choice; what was the wrong?"

Bron exclaimed in awe. "I believed you dead after I saw that crack in the landscape."

"I believed that you died after I saw that crack in the landscape."

"How come? And how did you manage to... whatever happened to your skin? I haven't recognised you due to that - it almost ashames me.

[/u]

It should be "recognized" instead of "recognised".  Also in this case you would say: "it almost shames me."

"You-you haven't changed that much while I'm looking really different and nasty - well, at the moment... It should be me to be blamed."

"I should be the one blamed."

[Ducky123]

Thanks for the review

That was a very emotional chapter. in-yes.gif

Yeah, it was meant to be emotional. Glad you think so

I like how you have portrayed the inner struggle going on in Littlefoot's mind and the clash between Shorty and Ali.

Yep, Littlefoot needs to decide what to make of his dad. Certainly, it is not easy for the little longneck Knowing that Ali has a sort of... crush on Littlefoot, it is of course only logical that she would go after her friend to cheer him up (which turned out to be rather difficult). Well, of course this awakes the jealousy in Shorty

It seems that Ali now has a firmer understanding of the flaws in Shorty''s character.

She's just starting to understand Shorty...

Likewise, Bron's reluctance to relinquish his leadership of the herd might also indicate more than a bit of pridefulness in that character... and a certain lack of social awareness (in the case of the needs of the grandparents and what would be safer for his son).

True!

His abruptness with Shorty also, I fear, alludes to further conflict between Shorty and Littlefoot when Bron begins to interact with his biological son more. Bron's emotional distance from Shorty would make the green longneck become especially jealous at any attention that Littlefoot would receive.

Watch this aspect in the next chapter very closely... Shorty will deal with it in a way that might be... surprising...

Thanks for the corrections as well

It should be "recognized" instead of "recognised". Also in this case you would say: "it almost shames me."

Isn't "recognised" British English while "recognized" is American English? Since I'm using British English (which is prefered in school) it's not technically wrong? Or is "recognize/se" an irregular verb in this regard?

[rhombus]

Isn't "recognised" British English while "recognized" is American English? Since I'm using British English (which is prefered in school) it's not technically wrong? Or is "recognize/se" an irregular verb in this regard?

You are correct that "recognised" is  British English while "recognized" is American English.

If you are using British English then "recognised" would be acceptable.  However, the British spelling is frowned upon in the US and in some other countries outside of the British commonwealth.  I am unsure why that is, as the British spelling of most other words is used interchangeably with the American spelling in most other cases, but in the case of "recognised" even the spellcheck will mark it wrong if you are using American English as the setting.

http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=217843

[Ducky123]

Hmm, well. It'd be awkward to use the "s-spelling" all the time and suddenly have a word spelled with "z" I hope it's okay to keep using "recognise"

Have the next chapter NOTE: CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND BLOOD! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH THINGS!!!

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Chapter 20:

Shorty loved how his aggression was transmuted into an almost ecstatic feeling that grew with every punch he landed at the girl and every pained cry she uttered. Shorty had never beaten one of the hatchlings that hard. Even the attack back in the wasteland had been kind of unusually violent by his standards but Shorty began to love it.
All of a sudden, the girl landed a hit against Shorty...

"You... you are the leader... of a whole herd?!?" Littlefoot questioned awe-struck.
"Yeah," Bron said shyly. "Maybe they had chosen me as their leader because I have fought off two violent Sharptooth attacks within a short time..."
"Are you.. are you good at fighting them?" Littlefoot asked.
"I don't think I'm showing off by claiming that I am, am I?" Bron chuckled.
"I don't... think so?" Littlefoot replied.
"Sharpteeth are actually cowards, y'know?" Bron stated. "I bet you haven't met any on your journey to this place, have you?"
"Nope, only a bellydragger," Littlefoot responded.
"Many Sharpteeth hunt in groups, or packs as they're commonly called. They only take on single individuals. In most cases... there are always some who try nonetheless, specially if they're starving," Bron explained. "They'd never dare attacking such a big number of Longnecks except somebody gets separated."
"There is safety in numbers..." Littlefoot mused.
"Exactly!" Bron exclaimed. "Oh I can't wait to introduce you to my herd. I've told them about you..."
"Well, I'm not sure if I want that at the moment," Littlefoot said, slightly depressed. "I... I guess I... y'know..." Littlefoot was searching for the right words but his overburdened head wouldn't form a proper sentence.
"I know what you mean," Bron then spoke up. "I completely understand that you might be... disappointed of me and that you need some time to think about everything and to get used to the new situation."
Littlefoot nodded, lacking something to say.
"I think it's best if I leave you for the time being. Maybe we can arrange a meeting tomorrow to get to know each other better? You still haven't told much about yourself..."
"Yeah, sounds good," Littlefoot replied.
"How about same time, same place?" Bron suggested.
"Okay, see you tomorrow, I guess," Littlefoot said.
"Yes, speak to you tomorrow," Bron said kindly with a weak smile which Littlefoot didn't quite return. The little one turned tail to walk to Ali...

"Oww, HOW DARE YOU!!!" Shorty roared as he got hit by one of the girl's legs that she had thrashed about to struggle free somehow. For a short moment, it had worked in a different way than she had originally intended. Though Shorty wasn't up to attacking her right again, the girl had trouble to get up for her whole body was aching terribly.
Shorty watched the girl's attempts to get to her feet. He was seeking for a preferably painful revenge and he soon came up with one. Only a little distance away, he saw a big rock that had rather sharp edges. That was the perfect object to use...

"Oww, he is crazed!"Cho thought while she struggled to make an escape. However, her left foreleg hurt terribly because she had used it to shield her face from the worst attacks. Her right one hadn't suffered so much damage but it still hurt. Therefore, she slowly limped directly into the direction Shorty wanted her to go anyway...

Shorty was grinning viciously at the sight of his target moving towards the rock he planned to use. He slowly followed her...

Ali had prepared a tiny surprise for Littlefoot. She had plucked a good amount of berries from the bush, building a pile of them in the grass. Then she had plucked any kind of flower she could find and placed them around the pile of berries.
When Littlefoot had arrived, he didn't look too depressed, Ali noticed. His head hung low a little but other than the first time she had met him earlier he didn't look like he would start to cry anytime soon.
"Surprise!" Ali called, chuckling at the face Littlefoot made.
"Ali that is w..." Littlefoot said when both of them heard a disturbing scream in the distance, sounding as if being uttered by a kid in distress...

Cho noticed Shorty gaining on her again but she didn't react to that in any way for she couldn't possibly stop whatever the crazy boy was up to anyway. Sobbing, she limped forward.

Shorty didn't follow her straightly. He rather positioned himself for the attack that would have grave consequences for both parties...
With a mighty roar, he surprisingly stormed towards the girl, catching her off-guard. Not that she could have dodged the impact anyway. He crashed into her flank and shoved her against the rock with the many sharp edges with disastrous force. At the ram, Cho yelped in pain as her air was forcefully pushed out of her lungs. At the impact with the rock that happened only an eyeblink later, a wicked pain shot through her body as the sharp edges of the rock teared into her flesh. Cho screamed like she had never screamed in her life. The pain was excruciating and Shorty was still pushing her against the rocky surface, grinning madly...

Not only Ali and Littlefoot had heard Cho's scream. The whole oasis was suddenly a lot more silent as everybody tried to figure out where it had come from.
Bron, however, was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the scream at all although his ears had received it.

"What was THAT?" Ali cried in fear.
"Whatever it was, it needs our help!" Littlefoot shouted, totally forgetting about Ali's surprise.
"It came from where Bron's herd is residing," Ali replied, having forgotten about the surprise as well.
"Then let's hurry!" Littlefoot proposed.
"Yeah," Ali called, leading Littlefoot since she knew the way.

Even as Shorty finally released the pressure on the unfortunate girl, she continued to scream in pain. Her whole right flank was bleeding. Shorty didn't give her much time to recover however. The boy pushed her to her legs and, almost softly, pushed her against the rock with her unhurt flank.
Cho looked Shorty straight into the eyes, seeing the malicious expression in them.
"That's just what you deserve, you hideous thing!" Shorty snarled before walking a few steps back to ram into the girl again with blistering force.
Cho whimpered upon knowing what crucial pain was expecting her once again. Being unable to move, she had to endure the smug grin on Shorty's face before he forced her still unhurt flank against the edgy rock, tearing deep cuts into Cho's black skin. The girl howled in pain...

When Littlefoot and Ali arrived at the forest where the cries came from, their blood almost froze upon helplessly watching Shorty ramming into a young, black Longneck that was covered in a lot of blood already. The cry the young one uttered while she was being tortured, psyched both of them out, freezing them on spot.
Loud and thundering, a muscular grown-up came running around a bend, hurrying.
"What's happening here!?" Willie barked, hearing the grief-stricken wails of Cho.
Littlefoot and Ali being too shocked to utter a single loud anyway didn't need to answer as Willie peeked through the spaces between the thick treetrunks. Without uttering another word, he stormed into the forest, uprooting trees that were taller than he was...

In his ecstase, Shorty didn't notice that he was being spotted. He eventually released the torturing pressure on the jetblack girl who collapsed to the ground, shedding a lot of blood out of numorous cuts that quickly coloured the surrounding ground red.
Shorty posed above her and looked down at the beaten Longneck. Her eyes were, much to his surprise, not showing the pain she was suffering of but a completely different emotion. Did she really look... apologetic?
Just at that moment, Shorty realised the trees being uprooted behind him; thundering footsteps approached him. Looking at the girl who seemed to black out and at the sight of the alarmingly fast growing puddle of blood on the ground, he suddenly realised the harm he had caused. Before he could have spent any further thought on this, he was hit by a mighty swing of Willie's tail that catapulted the boy high into the air where he heftily collided with a tree. Unable to breath because of the mighty impact, Shorty remained lying on the ground, seeing stars...

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I could've sworn it's more than 1400 words  :huh: Well, now we have a really difficult situation. Shorty went crazy (Don't worry, I didn't write violent scenes without a good reasoning ) and the hatchling from chapter (was it 9 or 10? Can't remember atm...), now known as "Cho" (I like the name ) is seriously hurt. Will she survive? What's going to happen with Shorty? What's Bron's take on this? How are Littlefoot and Ali dealing with it? What's Shorty's saying in defence? This and more is to be revealed in the next few chapters...

EDIT: I'm not sure if it's due to the advanced time over here but... WHERE THE HECK IS CHAPTER 19?!  

[Nahla]

That sounds like something I used to write..seriously lol.

Oh it even has the black longneck like I had xD.

Good chapter,but highly dramatic...I like drama. Man Shorty has flipped,you don't hurt girls man..thats just no...

I hope Cho doesn't die..that would be too much like I used to write it'll scare me a little (kidding)

*Shakes Ducky* WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

I wanna know what happens,I'm on the edge of my....bed here.

This was quite the twist,I never expected Shorty to go this far. Please let Cho be alright.

And Shorty...good luck getting out of this one.



Oh and a typo I noticed..think

fast growing poodle of blood on the ground

Do you mean puddle? I think it's Germany that says it poodle though. But in English 'poodle' is a  fluffy dog,so to me there is a  fluffy dog on the ground xD.

[rhombus]

Wow.  I was not expecting a turn like this in the story.  Shorty has truly flipped out.  Based upon the amount of damage that you have alluded to in this chapter, I wonder what punishment Shorty will be faced with?  I would imagine that in the valley, an aggravated assault of this magnitude would probably result in banishment.  The reactions of Littlefoot and Ali will also be interesting to see.  Somehow I suspect that Littlefoot's reaction to Shorty will be less than charitable (as would be my reaction as well in this situation) based upon how Littlefoot has a history of caring for others in need.  To see another female longneck being struck down will more than likely evoke memories of his mother's final moments...  Shorty might be in for more than a simple bashing by Willie's tail if Littlefoot (and the girl's mother) have their way.

Overall, this was a very good chapter.  I look forward to seeing how this develops.

[Ducky123]

Thanks for the reviews

That sounds like something I used to write..seriously lol.

Yeah, I feared you might draw that conclusion, hehe It's somewhat violent (and more violent than I would have liked) but I needed to create a dramatic situation where lives are threatened. Nobody would complain about some bruises, nor find them very brutal, while using the sharp-edged rock certainly is. Funnily, I didn't think about the Shadowlands, Hades, Nahla etc. when I wrote this

Oh it even has the black longneck like I had xD.

Yeah, I made her black to show some intra-species racism (Shorty insults her in chp 10 if I remember correctly and he calls her "Ugly" and "Shadow").

Good chapter,but highly dramatic...I like drama. Man Shorty has flipped,you don't hurt girls man..thats just no...

Glad you like drama (like it too). Hurting girls is just wrong indeed and it not only includes physical violence but also mental violence (bullying, abuse etc.) The latter is often not referred to when referring to the "don't hurt girls" statement, sadly

I hope Cho doesn't die..that would be too much like I used to write it'll scare me a little (kidding)

Hmm, true... Well, I'm not that evil though you never know... In other words, I'm not gonna spoil you

And Shorty...good luck getting out of this one.

He'll need it, trust me

Oh and a typo I noticed..think
QUOTE
fast growing poodle of blood on the ground


Do you mean puddle? I think it's Germany that says it poodle though. But in English 'poodle' is a fluffy dog,so to me there is a fluffy dog on the ground xD.

Of course I meant to write puddle We call the dog "Pudel" which is pronounced similar to English, basically

Wow. I was not expecting a turn like this in the story. Shorty has truly flipped out. Based upon the amount of damage that you have alluded to in this chapter, I wonder what punishment Shorty will be faced with? I would imagine that in the valley, an aggravated assault of this magnitude would probably result in banishment.

Good observations! Shorty is indeed endangered of being thrown out of the herd. YOU'll larn more in the next chapter

The reactions of Littlefoot and Ali will also be interesting to see. Somehow I suspect that Littlefoot's reaction to Shorty will be less than charitable (as would be my reaction as well in this situation) based upon how Littlefoot has a history of caring for others in need.

Hmm, I was thinking about revamping some scenes lately... This might be something I should add. I did focus on Ali's reaction for a reason that will be revealed in the next chapter as well and Littlefoot then is focussed on Ali rather then on Cho. I should really change that

Shorty might be in for more than a simple bashing by Willie's tail if Littlefoot (and the girl's mother) have their way.

True

Overall, this was a very good chapter. I look forward to seeing how this develops.

I'm happy that you liked it. I was really worried that people might not like this sudden turn

I have gotten back into writing this story just yesterday and I hope it lasts, hehe. If it does, I might switch back to weekly updates, yep, yep, yep

[rhombus]

I have gotten back into writing this story just yesterday and I hope it lasts, hehe. If it does, I might switch back to weekly updates, yep, yep, yep

Awesome!

[Zimba]

Awesome

Though yes,it does look like something Nahla used to write...have you been taking lessons from her? Or are you becoming her?

Kidding,I just find the style of the drama the same and I must say it was unexpected drama.

Shorty has totally flipped,poor poor Cho,she did nothing wrong it ain't her fault she black,grr.

Can I push Shorty off a cliff please? No? Okay...

We all know Shorty can be a jerk but thats just...EVIL

Love it,very dramatic and unexpected.

And Littlefoot meets Bron...why do I have a feeling that Bron focusing more on Littlefoot might just make Shorty worse...

[Ducky123]

Thanks for reviewing!

Though yes,it does look like something Nahla used to write...have you been taking lessons from her? Or are you becoming her?

Oh no, no, no! I did not take lessons and I am still I, yes I am

Shorty has totally flipped,poor poor Cho,she did nothing wrong it ain't her fault she black,grr.

Yep, she's totally innocent. She did nothing wrong except being in Shorty's path at the wrong time.

Can I push Shorty off a cliff please? No? Okay...

If you must...

We all know Shorty can be a jerk but thats just...EVIL

Yes, he's sorta evil but as you will he isn't totally evil...

Love it,very dramatic and unexpected.

Note to self: Mission completed!

And Littlefoot meets Bron...why do I have a feeling that Bron focusing more on Littlefoot might just make Shorty worse...

Couldn't put it any better... Bron will NOT exactly be helpful indeed

[RockingScorpion]

I kind of promised something, so here it is. Maybe it's even useful.^^

Shorty, you..you..got something coming for you now. xD
That sure is some attidude he has here. I see lots and lots of drama incoming, including him, Littlefoot, Ali and Bron.

You're sometimes pretty rough to your characters but you're using it to create room for a lot of possible outcomes that all look promising to keep your story interesting.

So yes, I will end this post with "OMG next chapter pleeeaaase" again.

Oh, wait...the name of that black longneck girl...you're not a Harry Potter Fan by any chance? (Who seems to hate Cho Chang for whatever reason xD).

Now I really need to hit the bed. xD

[Ducky123]

Well, I thought about Cho Chang indeed when picking her name (I suck at picking names, just saying...) Just finished Order of the Phoenix two hours ago after three weeks of reading (didn't have much time to meh ) so yeah I AM a HP fan
Anyway, I'm glad you did review because
1. You made some good points and
2. This might be a new record... so many reviews
Seriously though...

Shorty, you..you..got something coming for you now. xD
That sure is some attidude he has here. I see lots and lots of drama incoming, including him, Littlefoot, Ali and Bron.

Oh yep, yep, yep! Drama incoming. Feel free to call Shorty whatever insult comes to your mind

You're sometimes pretty rough to your characters but you're using it to create room for a lot of possible outcomes that all look promising to keep your story interesting.

Yep, there ain't a good story without some tragedy; the readers must feel the pain the characters are feeling; a good writer creates certain feelings that the readers feel. Hope in was the case with some of you

So yes, I will end this post with "OMG next chapter pleeeaaase" again. biggrin.gif

I don't know yet when  and if I will switch my uploading speed to weekly... Need to proofread a lot of stuff not to mention write and revamp some scenes as new ideas have popped up

Oh, wait...the name of that black longneck girl...you're not a Harry Potter Fan by any chance? biggrin.gif (Who seems to hate Cho Chang for whatever reason xD).

I actually like Cho hence I picked her name... could've named her Nymphadora as well

[Ducky123]

Here's the next chapter. Mind you that updates will come weekly again

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 Chapter 21:

Bron wandered along the high walls of the place that was their home for an unknown period of time. The adult was deep in thoughts after his first talk with his son, having met him only hours ago. "Did I do the right thing by telling him my story?" he wondered. "Probably yes... He seemed to drop his shell the longer I spoke..." Bron decided after some thinking. He really hoped that their relationship which started off under really unfortunate circumstances would grow stronger soon; he hoped he could convince Littlefoot of staying with him. Now that he had finally met him, now that he finally had a confirmation that he and his parents-in-law were still among the living, he didn't want to lose either of them. Though, if he had to choose between them, Littlefoot would be his choice, obviously. "Only would he want to separate from his grandparents?" Bron knew that it would be tough to convince him of staying with him and his herd rather than his grandparents who had taken care of him for the better part of his young life. "If only Grandpa wasn't so stubborn..." Bron sighed. It would have been so easy... They would join his herd and travel back to the Lands of Daily Skywater once the event they all awaited would have occured. "But no! Grandpa and Grandma HAVE to stick to their oh so great valley, pffft!" Bron thought, infuriated. He didn't get what was so great about this Great Valley of them. He sort of imagined it to be quite similar to the place he was currently standing at... a green oasis in an, otherwise, hostile land, bordered against the outside world and filled with way too many dinosaurs. "Even worse is... it's not just our kind living there but all kinds of dinosaurs... how disgusting!" He wasn't a specieist but he didn't like the presence of dinosaurs other than longnecked ones.
"On a side note..." his mind mentioned grimly, "their Great Valley must protect them from pretators somehow... But what could possibly protect them better than their own friends in the herd? There is safety in numbers and we Longnecks sure make a much bigger impression on Sharpteeth than any other kind of leafeaters..." Bron couldn't understand. Why had they to decline his offer? Didn't they want to reunite the family after such a long time? What would his mate think about this, was she still alive? All these questions troubled the brown-coloured grown-up for he couldn't answer any of them for certain. He had his suspicions but no clear evidence that his assumptions would turn out to be true...
His thoughts returned to the event that was the actual reason for leaving his homeland, daring the perilous journey through neverending wastelands and other unlucky situations. "But we have made it without losing a single member!" Bron cheered. "We even grew in numbers!" he pointed out. Ali and Fiona had joined up his herd.
Suddenly, Bron remembered something; he remembered the little one asking him what he expected to happen. Now that he was in a thoughtful state he might as well think about that as well, so he thought.
That was, when Bron heard the noise down at the forest. He craned his neck and turned around.
"What's going on down there?" he wondered. Just at that moment, he saw Willie storming into the forest, whipping Shorty with his tail.
In a rage, Bron stormed down the wall towards the forest. Knowing Willie, Bron concluded he would only punish Shorty like that for a good reason.
Bron hurried even more for he knew that, whatever Shorty had done this time, he had done it due to his snappy reaction earlier...

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BLOODY MIND!?!?!" Willie thundered. "Oh... wait until Bron arrives. This time he won't leave it at a lesson, I promise you that!"
Shorty couldn't reply - not only because he suspected that all his ribs were broken after the impact with the tree but also because his view was fixed on the bleeding girl.
"What have I done?!" he cursed again and again, his sanity slowly returning to him. By the amout of blood oozing out of the many injuries he had inflicted on her, he assumed that his actions would result in her death. "I'm screwed!!!"
Some grown-ups gathered around the girl whereas others fanned out to find some leaves able to cease the bleeding hurryingly.

Ali was disturbed by the sight of the girl bleeding yet she couldn't stop gazing at the black longneck, hardly any spots of her body still being black but rather red and covered in blood, until grown-ups blocked the view on her.
"Are you- are you alright, Ali?" Littlefoot asked, swallowing hard. Memories which he thought he would never ever have to deal with in his life again, returned to him with brutal, unponderable force. It suddenly appeared to him like it had been yesterday when he saw the huge Sharptooth ripping a huge piece of flesh out of his mother's back. He distinctly remembered all the blood that spouted out of the horrible wound. The youngster instinctively felt a strong admiration for his mother for saving his life by risking hers. "And losing..." he was reminded by the stinging feeling in his heart that quickly moved up to his eyes. Littlefoot reminded himself that he had to stay strong for Ali who seemed paralysed and petrified.
"Look at all the blood..." she whispered. "She is going to die..." Tears began to moisten her eyes.
"I can't believe why somebody would hurt a much younger kid..." Littlefoot said, having no understanding of such a cruel act. "I knew Shorty was trouble..."
"But I do..." Ali stated.
"Huh?"
"See, I can't tell you. This is something you really shouldn't know unless Shorty wants you to," Ali explained.
"Why?" Littlefoot asked. "Are you worried he's gonna do that with me if I know about it?"
"That also... but mainly I think I'd hurt the trust he has in me by telling you things he might not want you to know."
"I can't believe that you even care for such a thing!" Littlefoot then shouted. "Somebody who has the desire to kill can't and mustn't be trusted!"
"Littlefoot, you don't understand! Please, cut it out, I beseech you..." Ali sobbed. Tears were running down her face at a quick pace. "It's not his fault alone..."
"I-I didn't mean to..." Littlefoot stammered, feeling guilty for shouting at his friend.
Ali got closer to Littlefoot and rubbed her neck against Littlefoot's in an attempt to seek comfort on the one hand, and to accept Littlefoot's unspoken apology on the other hand. Both seemed to work since Littlefoot returned the gesture caringly.
"Let's go back to the berry bushes, I suggest," Littlefoot piped up.
"Yes, I think so," Ali responded. She soon stopped sobbing but she remained kind of disdraught.

As Bron stormed towards the forest, he saw Littlefoot and Ali only a little distance away. He quickly considered and decided to ask them what has happened for he didn't want to be unprepared for whatever he would have to witness.

"Littlefoot! Ali!" the two young Longnecks heard a voice calling.
"Bron!?" Littlefoot and Ali wondered in unison.
"What's going on in there?" Bron shouted in excitement and fear.
"It's Shorty, he..." Ali began but Bron had already stormed off. He had been able to read all he needed to know in Ali's eyes to have a relatively good idea what was going on.
Littlefoot and Ali hurried to gain some distance to the forest because neither of them wanted to witness in how big a trouble Shorty actually was...

When Bron came running into the forest ragingly, a few more trees had to pay with their existance; Bron uprooted them in his rage.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!?" Bron barked gruffly.
"Shorty has severely injured a member of the herd, Bron," Willie replied matter-of-factly.
"So has he? Is that true, Shorty?" Bron snarled, his brain drawing pictures one more insane than the other.
"Yes Bron," Shorty replied quietly. The boy looked at the ground in defiant shame.
"Where is the injured one?!" Bron then barked. He began to tremble somewhat.
"Over there!" Willie replied, pointing at the bulk of Longnecks that had gathered around the small body that lied on its belly in a puddle of its own blood.
"Scoot!" Bron ordered.
The crowd stepped back to allow their leader to look upon the beaten girl.
Bron observed the little one very carefully. He noticed her injuries and very soon he also noticed what was responsible for them."HAS HE REALLY USED THOSE ROCKS?!?"  Bron's gaze wandered to Shorty who was tainted in the girl's blood. The sight of the young one had deeply terrified him for he knew Shorty's background and quite possibly his motives.
"After all this time, Shorty... I thought you'd hate your father for what he's done to you and now you're just becoming like him," Bron said in a surprisingly calm tone. "I'm disappointed of you!" He didn't pay Shorty any more attention which was now focused on the hurt young one's wellbeing. Some Longnecks had apparently found the leaves that might save her. Bron, personally, covered the injuries that were still bleeding a little very carefully, hoping he wouldn't lose a member of his herd - a member who meant much more to him than most of the others...

"I wonder what's going on over there..." Littlefoot mused after having arrived at the berry bushes. During their short walk, he had recalled some memories, some of whom he didn't even knew they were still in his head - memories of his mother. He remembered the dramatic death of his mother and, particularly, her last words: "Listen to your heart, Littlefoot... It whispers, so listen closely..." It almost made him tear up just like Ali moments ago.
"I'm worried Cho won't make it, that's all I want to know... if she," Ali gulped. "If she 'll recover... or not."
"So you know her?" Littlefoot wondered, not hiding his own sadness.
"Yes, I know her..." Ali whispered with a choked voice.
"I'm sure she'll make it," Littlefoot assured her sympathetically. "The grown-ups know how to stop the bleeding."
"I hope so..." Ali snivelled. Tears formed in her eyes. "This girl has spoken to me on the first day I was conscious again and she's such an innocent soul... I can't believe that Shorty tortured her like that." Ali broke into tears, sobbing on the ground.
Littlefoot placed himself next to his friend and rubbed his head against hers to console her.
"What did you talk about?" Littlefoot asked emotionally.
"She wanted to know how I am feeling and if I wanted to play with her but I couldn't because I was still very weak back then," Ali replied shakily. "So we just... talked, you know? But then I got to know Shorty and when I saw how he treated the girl I decided not to talk to her as long as Shorty was around and he was always around... I don't think he has any friends besides me."
"Ah, I see," Littlefoot said. "I'm not surprised that he has no friends..."
"He's actually pretty nice if he wants to," Ali sobbed.
"Maybe he has a crush on you?" Littlefoot guessed.
"Huh?"
"I mean, he called you a sweet flower back at the treesweet tree..." Littlefoot explained.
At that moment, Ali considered this for the first time. How could she have not noticed this yet? Shorty was only so sweet towards her because he had actual feelings for her...
"Hmm, makes sense..." Ali mumbled. If Littlefoot was able to tell that Shorty had a crush on her, how long would he need to figure out that she had feelings for him? Ali prefered to admit her affection at a point in time that she felt was right rather than her secret being discovered by Littlefoot.
"Are you going to stay friends with him by the way?" Littlefoot then asked carefully.
"It depends on him..." Ali responded, calming down. "I'll talk to him as soon as possible. I hope I can help him to change... hopefully for the better."
Ali soon regained her composture.
"Thanks!" she eventually said, smiling weakly.
"Don't mention it!" Littlefoot said happily. "You have comforted me earlier after all."
"True, I guess that's what friends are for, right?" Ali snickered - a funny sight since her face was still wet from the many tears.
"True. Thanks for this surprise earlier by the way," Littlefoot exclaimed.
"You're welcome!" Ali chuckled shyly.
"Let's eat!" Littlefoot suggested.
Ali agreed. So they ate a lot of berries that Ali especially needed for she was still fairly thin and they played around a bit.    

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lots of stuff happening in this rather long chapter. Something you will have to get used to... I doubt any of the next chapters will be significantly below the word count of 2000 words... rather above
Tell me your thoughts, praise, critism, suggestions, possible thoughts concerning the next chapter etc

NOTE: The first part about Bron was originally not longer than my comment is... the revamping was worth it I hope. Tried to enhance my style a bit... I tend to forget descriptions and thoughts when I write dialogues

In chapter 22, we will see an momentous talk between Shorty and Bron and some more of Ali and Littlefoot. It's rather short with 1500 words

[RockingScorpion]

Hey.

Sadly I won't give you any kind of review now, because of all the crap I have to do. xD

Buuut I do have something to say, and it's thank you.
You know, I was like this when I noticed you updated the story. I took a really needed break and reading your newest chapter was perfect to help me free my mind somewhat and relax a little.

Even if you're not using a cliffhanger, I still want to read more. You know how to keep a story interesting.

Oh, and...

After all this time

Harry Potter Fan, amiright?

So yeah, I'm looking forward to the next update. Now I should go back to more learning (I swear when this is over I'll finally create that longneck OC representing myself and the first drawing will be him smashing his head onto a piece of paper...or a treestar xD)

[rhombus]

This chapter was very well done, but there is so much going on that I almost don't know where to begin.

The chapter begins with Bron's uncertain thoughts.  I think that you did a fine job here in elaborating on Bron's disagreement with the grandparents and his latent speciesism.  At least Bron has enough sense to deduce that Shorty's trouble was more than likely caused by Bron's snappy reaction.  Bron seems to overlook some things in interpersonal relationships, but he knew that Shorty would not react well to that.

The interaction between Littlefoot and Ali was also very well done.  Ali shows some empathy for both the injured girl and Shorty, which elicits a response from Littlefoot.  This is an understandable reaction, as Littlefoot has not yet seen anything from Shorty that would make Littlefoot feel any sympathy for him.  The way in which he helps cheer her up was also a nice touch.

I do wonder what is going to happen to Shorty though.  :unsure: Even if the young longneck recovers, an assault like that would warrant rather severe punishment.  And if the girl doesn't make it... Well, Shorty has survived on his own before...  Of course that is assuming that the rest of the pack would settle with banishment and not demand the ultimate punishment.  It will be interesting to see how this develops.

I look forward to the next chapter.  

[Ducky123]

Thank you for reviewing you two

RockingScorpion: Aww, no (actual) review? *makes tear-strained puppy face* Nah, it's okay. Glad I could help you switch off from revising for a bit And true, I know how to lay out my story in an interesting way indeed
I thought I'd already made clear in my last post that I AM a HP fan?  
Oh, and whatever your next drawing is gonna look like... I bet it's gonna be cool

rhombus:

This chapter was very well done, but there is so much going on that I almost don't know where to begin.

Guess how I feel reading your chapters sometimes
Shorty... well, of course he won't get away with a simple lecture...
Glad you liked my chapter I'm rather happy with it myself.

[RockingScorpion]

I kind of wasn't expecting to be able to, but I'm done with these exams now and I don't see why I shouldn't spend some time on a better and (hopefully) helpful review.

Now let's see...

I like it that you're giving Bron a better defined personality, one that also fits to him. His part makes me wonder if you'll stick to the storyline as close as possible, considering that Littlefoot and him part ways after the movie what would then mean that Littlefoot and Ali would once again get separated and..oh well, speculations. No spoilers, please. xD

The way Littlefoot and Ali are talking lets them appear a bit more "grown-up" and acting not as childish as one might expect. The way they cope with this situation is showing that, also that they talk about crushes later in the same way. Oh, and you brought in the events in movie 1 when Littlefoot looses his mother. This is the biggest plot issue in all of the sequels, starting right with the first one. You definitely did something right there.

Then I also noticed this sentence:

Now that he was in a thoughtful state he might as well think about that as well, so he thought.

Don't worry, your story is overall very well written, this was just one thing I noticed after reading the chapter for a second time. Three times a word linked to thinking is a bit much, but if you won't notice something like that, it's really no big deal, this last part is..what did someone I know called that? Ah yes, High Level Criticism. xD

About that Harry Potter thing...yep yep yep you did. But I just had to (it was meant as a reference, right? )
Oh and hold on a second...
First Bron says something Dumbledore said. Then we get to know that Cho means more to him than most of the herd. Both characters have something in common with the Harry Potter universe now...and I have a lot of weird ideas in my head now where you might take this. If any of these has at least something in common with your future chapters (time will tell) I'm going to do something. Time will also tell. xD

So, now I'm done. Can't wait for the next update.

[Ducky123]

^Thanks That was very helpful!

I like it that you're giving Bron a better defined personality, one that also fits to him. His part makes me wonder if you'll stick to the storyline as close as possible, considering that Littlefoot and him part ways after the movie what would then mean that Littlefoot and Ali would once again get separated and..oh well, speculations. No spoilers, please. xD

I'm so glad I added that Bron thinking part... It's a very good place in the story as I have realised last week And DON'T worry... Even I myself am not sure how to do this... I haven't planned anything in particular yet and I'll see what options will work best with the plot I follow. I hate reading spoilers myself

The way Littlefoot and Ali are talking lets them appear a bit more "grown-up" and acting not as childish as one might expect. The way they cope with this situation is showing that, also that they talk about crushes later in the same way. Oh, and you brought in the events in movie 1 when Littlefoot looses his mother. This is the biggest plot issue in all of the sequels, starting right with the first one. You definitely did something right there. wink.gif

Oh, they're still innocent little children though in a difficult age They're quite shocked by the events so they act more serious and less childish
rhombus inspired me to add the reminder of Littlefoot's Mother. Thanks That's why I appreciate suggestions and constructive critism. The result is going to be better

Don't worry, your story is overall very well written, this was just one thing I noticed after reading the chapter for a second time. Three times a word linked to thinking is a bit much, but if you won't notice something like that, it's really no big deal, this last part is..what did someone I know called that? Ah yes, High Level Criticism. xD

That's actually my attempt to use Ducky's speech pattern less obviously Ehh, not really. Good catch! Might try to come up with a better wording, yep, yep, yep.

About that Harry Potter thing...yep yep yep you did. But I just had to (it was meant as a reference, right? biggrin.gif )
Oh and hold on a second...
First Bron says something Dumbledore said. Then we get to know that Cho means more to him than most of the herd. Both characters have something in common with the Harry Potter universe now...and I have a lot of weird ideas in my head now where you might take this. If any of these has at least something in common with your future chapters (time will tell) I'm going to do something. Time will also tell. xD

Waitaminnit... I referenced Dumbledore? Well, not on purpose, that's for sure What exactly are the references if I may ask?

[RockingScorpion]

Okay then, but the fact that Littlefoot and Ali are able to talk stuff like this out shows that they are at least able to think about situations like that in the right way. Something I would've never been able to do as a kid.^^

And your "reference", well..
In the original, right after it's revealed that Snape is still doing everything he did because of Lily in the last book, Dumbledore uses the words "After all this time?".
Without the name "Cho" I don't think I would've ever made that connection.

[Ducky123]

Chapter 22:

"Take care of the little one!" Bron ordered, addressing some members of his herd. Then he turned to Shorty who wasn't daring to make a move.
"Follow me!" Bron snarled at the boy.
Shorty didn't hesitate.
He was being lead to the steep wall, as it seemed. Shorty watched Ali and Littlefoot in the distance. He feared losing Ali due to his violent actions. He knew Ali wasn't really happy about the way he had treated the black hatchling but what was the big deal? If Littlefoot was going to take Ali, he would get really mad for she was HIS little, sweet flower.
When Bron started climbing the walls, a whiff of anxiety developed in Shorty's mind.
"What if he's gonna ban me?" An unlikely but quite reasonable punishment for his actions, he concluded.

"Hey look, Littlefoot!" Ali suddenly called as she spotted Bron and Shorty climbing the walls of the valley.
"Bron and Shorty... hmm," he thought out loud. "Wonder what they're up to..."
"Isn't that obvious? Bron's going to give Shorty a lecture," Ali said.
"Well, I wonder what they will talk about," Littlefoot mused. "Wanna eavesdrop, Ali?"
"I'm... not sure," Ali spoke apprehensively. "See, if we get caught..."
"We won't get caught, Ali," Littlefoot assured his friend. "We'll just hide in one of those bushes and neither of them's going to find us."
"I'm not sure, Littlefoot..." Ali sighed.
"Oh please?" Littlefoot begged. "I'll take responsibility if we get caught, okay?"
"Well..."
"Pleeeaaaase..." Littlefoot really wanted to find out what Bron had to tell Shorty... or what Shorty had to say in his defence for that matter.
"Fine, you go first," Ali said eventually.
"Whoo!" Littlefoot called and walked towards the bushes, peeking at the last few steps but Bron and Shorty weren't at the top yet and not looking at them.
"Quick!" Littlefoot instructed and sprinted the last few metres, Ali close behind.
Having seated themselves on the ground, heads in the bushes to have a good look on the scene without being too obvious, Ali and Littlefoot listened to the unavoidable argument.

"Shorty... we need to talk," Bron said with a deep sigh. It was the second time today he had to have a difficult conversation for both parties.
Shorty nodded. He didn't want to anger Bron in any way.
"Why, Shorty? Why did you hurt Cho?" Bron asked, not understanding Shorty's intentions for such an act of cruelty, almost.
"I-I didn't mean to injure her like that. I-I sorta... lost c-control," Shorty stuttered. "I feel like crap right now."
"Oh, so you should," Bron spoke. "I know your intention wasn't killing so what was it then, Shorty?"
"I... dunno," Shorty replied. He really didn't know.
"Nobody tortures anybody like that without a good reason..." Bron remarked.
"Hey, I didn't want to torture her like that, okay?" Shorty shouted, Bron's tone slowly starting to annoy him.
"Yet you did..."
"I already told you I lost control, no need to repeat that," Shorty snapped.
"Let's start at the beginning maybe," Bron spoke as calm as he was capable of. "When did you start the attack and where?"
"Well, I was wandering around, mad at you. Then I spotted that b... I mean Cho close to the herd's resting place and well... you know..."
"What did you do then?" Bron continued.
"Oh c'mon, Bron," Shorty complained. "I don’t feel like telling you right now."
"You will tell me every detail I want to hear," Bron said, calm but imperative.
"What if I don't, eh?" Shorty retorted.
"A grown-up would have been banished if it hadn't been for a good reason..." Bron told the green boy parenthetically.
"Alright, alright..." Shorty grunted.
"The better you cooperate the sooner I'll leave you alone, just saying," Bron added.
"I approached her, okay? I wanted to insult her but she ran away so I went after her."
"Why did you want to insult her, Shorty? You've been reported many times for insulting younger children, occasionally hurting them. There must be a motivation behind it so tell me... please."
"Well, it... it's funny," Shorty said meekly. "And it makes me feel better."
"Alright, so it's funny? Never thought about how THEY feel?" Bron questioned, getting a little louder.
"Well, not really, I..."
"Then do so now!"
"I dunno..."
"How'd you feel if I whacked you with my tail?!"
"Dunno... hurt?"
"Bloody hell, Shorty! You know exactly how it feels!"
"Do I?"
"Don't fool me," Bron said threateningly.
"Oh, you mean thaaaat... now I get'cha..." Shorty had a bright moment.
"I can't believe that you did such a thing, knowing you've been in a similar situation in the past. I'm very disappointed!"
"You said that earlier already," Shorty pointed out matter-of-factly.
"If you don't stop being naughty right now, I'll whack you down this wall and trust me I will!" Bron thundered.
"Alright, alright..." Shorty said placatorily.
"So you followed Cho?" Bron continued as if nothing had happened.
"Yeah."
"What happened then?"
"I caught up with her and tripped her."
"What for?"
"Isn't that obvious? To prevent her from running away any further," Shorty told. "Or do you think I wanted to chase her through the whole place???"
"Right, continue."
"I attacked her, punched every spot of her body I could reach," Shorty narrated matter-of-factly.
"How did you feel?"
"Great. It felt great. Don't ask me why..."
"Why Shorty..."
"Not fair!"
Bron glared at Shorty.
"Alright, it uuuhmm... it felt great to have..power, to let the frustration out, see her suffering from the pain, seeing her fear."

Meanwhile, Cho had been placed on the back of her horrified mother who had heard of the attack only shortly ago. The little one had lost a dangerously high amount of blood but as long as the injuries wouldn't get infected she would be fine in a few days again, the elders said.
Cho's mother placed her adopted daughter whom she considered her own flesh and blood in her sleeping spot and guarded her little one.
"I will need a word with Bron later..." she thought, not angry at all; only worried...

Shorty's description worried Bron deeply. It was just like Shorty had described his father back then... and he was in the progress of becoming just like him...
"I don't need to tell you that isn't good, do I?" Bron sighed. "By the way, ever heard of this: A true man doesn't beat a woman?"
"Never heard of it," Shorty stated.
"I thought so... now..you punched Cho. How come you moved on to slamming her against the sharp-edged rocks?" Bron didn't attempt to hide his disgust and aversion towards Shorty.
"Well, good question," Shorty mused. "She kicked me in the face and I... I didn't get mad but I felt a desire to avenge that one blow..that's the point where I lost control, I guess..."
"I'd say this point was a whole lot earlier..." Bron muttered.
"What?!" Shorty complained.
"Attacking her was the point where you lost control, Shorty!"
"I've beaten her before, and I knew what I was doing all this time..."
"Like almost breaking her nose with that stone?"
"Yeah, I... how'd'ya know?!"
"Reports... One advantage of being in the lead of a herd is that you're always informed of what's going on..."
"SO?"
"The point is... you mustn't do such a thing again. Next time I might not be able to keep you in the herd, Shorty."
"You mean... you're gonna ban me?!"
"Oh, not this time; I'd regret it the next day. But if things aren't changing, I might need to sentence you and both of us don't want that to happen, am I right?"
"Yes!"
"Fine, so can I trust you, Shorty? Will you promise not to hurt one of the children again, either physically or by insulting them?" Bron gave a stern look.
"Well... I'll try, okay!?" Shorty grunted.
"Fair enough. Now, I believe you do understand that I ought to show the herd that I have control..."
"What's that s'posed to suggest?" Shorty asked suspiciously.
"I need to lecture you for your guilt is simply too heavy, and if I were you, I'd hope Cho's going to make it! If she dies, you're out!"
"WHAAAT?!?" Shorty cried.
"Yes, you heard right. You're grounded for the rest of our stay here!" Bron spoke in his leader voice.
"You can't be serious, Bron?" Shorty whined unbelievingly.
"I am! Follow me now!"
"Grrrrrr..."
"Don't look at me like that! You'll stay in the herd's area! Don't even consider running off because everybody will be aware of your sentence!"
Unwillingly, Shorty followed Bron in a trot. He didn't even look up when he heard Ali hissing his name... "Guess I deserve it..." Shorty thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now it's out: Shorty's grounded and Cho is all right... for the time being Hope you like it

The next chapter is almost completely dedicated to Littlefoot and Ali. There'll also be a scene with Littlefoot and his Grandpa which will be interesting.