And here are my last reviews. I'm sorry for giving lower ratings but these fics... well, I said what I have to say. Still, it was nice to see even this many participants this year and I hope to see many more voters in the coming month.
Fanfiction: Lost in Nightmares
I rate it: 6,5/10
Because: This fic… is a tough one. It seems to almost be divided into two as it started very strongly and opening many possibilities into Shorty’s deepening mental issues. It was simultaneously intriguing and saddening to see him starting to see his dead friends in his mind and that alone opened a chance to explore completely new aspects of the hapless longneck’s character. But what we ended up with wasn’t the best outcome, imo.
The first chapter showed the dynamics between Shorty and Bron excellently and I liked seeing Bron having to act both as the foster father and the herd leader and you established the duo’s troubled relationship excellently. Shorty’s mental breakdown at the end was understandable even if it didn’t make things any less dramatic for him. And as I already said, his deepening longing for his old home after being bullied was very clear soon enough. All of this was good, intense and well-written.
And then comes the third chapter. It isn’t any more badly written than the first ones but I’ll start by saying that you just don’t squeeze the 10th film into one chapter. There was a reason Shorty’s Dark Past filled it with new stuff, in order to give it more depth and to really show what was going on. I understand you meant this to be a short story but nonetheless, I just don’t think an initial in-depth perspective followed by a sprint work well in a single story.
I hate to be this blunt but also, the two first chapters proved you still have what it takes to write a great story. Here, the problem was the pacing but should you continue writing, you still have a lot to offer to LBT fics. So don’t let this review keep you down as the issues I raised up are very fixable.
Fanfiction: Our Past and Our Future
I rate it: 6/10
Because: I’m not exactly fond of giving this rather well-written fic this low a rating but after a few years of following it, my main question concerning it is: why? Yeah, I get that it is supposed to be centered around Arya’s character and you have created good dynamics between her and the Gang and that is respectable. However, things haven’t really been moving forward and at least imo, Arya hasn’t yet justified being this important a character.
In the latest chapter we mainly saw Cera being a racist towards sharpteeth which really isn’t the freshest idea in the franchise and neither is others persuading her to apologize. The thing is, all of these chapters are well-written and the chars are mainly in-character which is why I’m not giving this a terrible rating. To be sure, this tale has many things going for it and imo, you have what it takes to make great fics.
But the problems are numerous. First, we’ve thus far seen very few original ideas here which obviously isn’t the best place to be in. Second, Arya is a decent char in the way that I really don’t have any opinion of her. But that doesn’t alone justify a fic centered around her and I can’t say I’m super excited about her future. Third, the fic doesn’t have a whole lot of suspense rn. There isn’t a lot of stuff in the horizon or anything to look forward to which is a problem.
I know I sound overly negative and for sure, I mean those points. But the depth in which you can analyze a character’s motives and thoughts and how you overall build scenes are almost up there with the best LBT authors. That fact makes the relatively lackluster plot even more frustrating but I hope you don’t find my words unjust. I hope you have something in store for us in this fic as it can still be a good one if you put Arya’s character to good use.
Fanfiction: A Glimpse Beyond
I rate it: 7,5/10
Because: My thoughts are a bit divided on this one. I really like the idea of the stone working that way, quite literally being a message from Beyond the Mysterious Beyond. You also managed to get a lot of emotion to the text as Littlefoot and mis mother’s conversation was quite well built. That being said, I have a few issues I’d like to mention.
But first things first. Littlefoot’s reaction to the miraculous reunion worked really well and the warmth and longing were more than tangible through the scene. It was easy to understand just how much it meant to Littlefoot and because of that, this fic was a rather strong one. I’ve read a fic of your fics and I must say this is the best.
Yet, there are two main things that bother me. First is the fact that his mother’s only regret here is that she’s a racist. That was both a cliché and it wasn’t something that felt fitting there. It just seemed to make the whole sequence cheaper and made me roll my eyes a bit. The other problem is the ending where it becomes apparent that Littlefoot comes to believe the meeting wasn’t real. That isn’t the best way to make an impact.
But overall, this was decent work. These short, introspective stories are often quite emotional and you certainly knew how to make one of those. Despite its problems, I give this a pretty good rating and I hope to see truly great fics from you in the future.
Fanfiction: Hidden Needs
I rate it: 9/10
Because: Lastly, this was a good fic. The opening scenes of the Gang just being the Gang worked perfectly and it was a bit tough to watch Petrie trying to hide his secret. It was clear he wanted to keep the mask on and he had to go to great lengths to hide his real diet from his friends. Even then, the group had fun together until Ruby found out the truth.
And that scene was quite well written. It was nice to see Petrie being able to let others know the truth even if he was quite overly lucky that it was Ruby who surprised him. However, I’m not exactly sure why the secret was so touchy for the flyers. I don’t really see how eating fish would be a problem but okay, I guess. That was one of my only nitpicks in the first chapter. The latter part of the chapter was what you’d expect as it was never likely that the revelation would change much.
As for the second, it wasn’t really needed, imo. Very little happened there and while the final conclusion to the installment was worth a chuckle or two, it ultimately wasn’t anything special. This fic would have been better with only one chapter but I won’t decrease the rating as the second chapter still had a few good ideas and it was well-written as always.
Overall, this was a very good story from you. The first part had many intense scenes and it flowed forward naturally while also building on its promise in an interesting way. It’s clear you still have what it takes and even if it’s bit of a shame that this was your only entry this year. Hopefully the next year will be a better one but as it is, this fic was still a very worthy entry for 2020.