The Gang of Five
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New Friends and Enemies

Redtooth101

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It's a story I've been writing for some time now. Lots more chapters waiting so keep watch.
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Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Ruby and Chomper were all walking along a path on the outer side of one of the Great Valley walls, they were exploring and did so more often since they were older and bigger even though they all seem a bit small for dinosaurs of their age.

As they walked on Ducky stopped to look over the edge and saw a sleeping bladeback. She gulped just as she was about to keep walking but before she could move on the ground under her feet broke away. She let out a loud scream as she slid down the wall.

"DUCKY!" the others screamed all at once with Spike just making a noise which suggested that. The others quickly began to make their way down a path while Petrie flew down. Ducky landed with a thud and rubbed her head as she tried to get her bearings but then she froze as she heard a low growl, she looking down and realized that she had landed on the nose of the blade-back. She got up and slowly back away.

"I am very sorry, I am, I am" she said as the sharptooth stood up and got into a hunting position and set its blood red eyes on her. The bladeback stared at her for a while as she scanned his face with faer evident in her eyes, he had dark blue skin with and even darker shade a blue running down his back, he had two front teeth that stuck out of his mouth when it was closed on either side of his jaws which gave him a more menacing look and his eyes were like usual sharptooth eyes instead of Chomper's leaf-eater like eyes. The sharptooth snarled as he crouched lower, when she saw this she let out another scream and quickly ran, the scream had distracted the sharptooth for a few seconds but then he began the chase. He gained on ducky and began to snap at her tail with failed attempts then Petrie flew up to Ducky with a look of fear on his face as he spoke.

"You no outrun him ducky!" he shouted but he then ran into a branch since he wasn't looking where he was going. Ducky realized Petrie was right and thee as the sharptooth's jaws were just inches away she turned into a small gorge that she had luckily managed to see, the sharptooth stopped and turned around to regain pursuit of her. Ducky kept running till she got to a dead end, she turned around only to see the sharptooth slowly advancing towards her ready to attack but just then Chomper came from behind and pounced on the sharptooth knocking it to the ground. The sharptooth got up and snarled has he locked his eyes on Chomper, Sharpteeth and Bladebacks were natural enemies and for some reason Chomper had a feeling like he really needed to win this fight, not so much for his friends but for something else he couldn't think of. The bladeback made a hateful hiss that Chomper understood as 'Sharptooth' before he lugged at the purple sharptooth, they brawled in a flash of claws and jaws until the bladeback pinned Chomper to the ground by putting its foot on his head and snarled at him. Before it could finish the job with a bite to the throat a swift kick from ruby sent it flying with a painful howl, before it was could fully rise to its feet Littlefoot used his tail to knock it against a wall. The sharptooth fell to the ground and then got up looking rather dizzy and incapacitated.

"Chomper are you ok?" Ruby asked as she helped the Sharptooth to his feet. He gave her a quick nod before strutting towards the dizzy bladeback.

"If you ever come near my friends again…" Chomper began to threaten in sharptooth but then he was cut off when the bladeback spoke.

"Chomper? Long time no see" the bladeback stuttered still looking dizzy.

"You know me?" Chomper asked with a surprised look on his face, the bladeback stretched out his hand and the others thought he was going to slash Chomper.

"Don't tell me you forgot your friend Fang…ooof" the bladeback was cut off as Petrie dropped a rock on his head and he slumped to the ground.

"Hey guys, I think he knows me" Chomper said to the others as he looked at the unconscious bladeback. "Maybe we should take him back to the valley" Chomper suggested.

"Are you crazy, he a sharptooth, he'll eat us!" Cera shouted before getting a mean look from Chomper.

"Chomper's a sharptooth too and he's our friend, maybe we could give this one a chance" Littlefoot said trying to reason with Cera.

"There's a hole in the great wall, maybe we could keep him there for a while" Chomper said with a smile.

"Fine. But I'm not carrying him" Cera said then stormed away.

"Do not worry Chomper I'll help carry him" Littlefoot said then used his neck to put the bladeback on his back and began walking towards the great wall with the rest of his friends.
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I know it's a short first chapter but still reviews very much appreciated.


Redtooth101

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Chapter 2.
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The new sharptooth growled lowly as he began to wake. "Where am I" Fang whispered to himself as he slowly opened his eyes only to meet those of some juvenile longneck.

"I think he's waking up" the longneck said to someone next to him. After a few seconds Fang had come to his senses and quickly jumped to his feet, snarling at the longneck who gave a scream in response. As Fang was about to pounce on the longneck a juvenile sharptooth placed himself between Fang and the longneck.

"Chomper, it's you" he said in sharptooth tongue.

"Who are you, and how do you know me?" Chomper asked in sharptooth tongue.

"Chomper I'm heartbroken, don't tell me you forgot your close friend Fang" Fang answered with some sarcasm in the first bit.

"Fang?" Chomper questioned as he tried to remember this name.

"Yes, don't you remember that day Redclaw attacked and we were separated?" Fang asked hoping his friend would remember. Chomper pondered harder until it all came back to him.

(flashback)

Two baby sharpteeth were playing near a smoking mountain in the mysterious beyond, but they did not realize that they were being watched.

"Grrrrr Look at me I'm Redclaw!" Chomper said as he approached his friend.

"Oh no, please don't hurt me" Fang said full of sarcasm as he pretended to run from Chomper. The two little bitters shared a good laugh after that.

"Hey, have you ever been chased by Redclaw? I haven't" Chomper asked Fang.

"Yup, I've met that scavenger more times than I would like" Fang replied.

"Wow, what did you do to get away?" Chomper said, aw-struck that his friend had escaped from Redclaw.

"Well you know me, I scared him away" Fang said with his head held high.

"Huh, yah right" Chomper replied not believing what Fang just said.

"Yah, I am right" Fang said with a smirk on his face which made Chomper laugh a little "OK now it's my turn to be Redclaw" Fang said. He opened his mouth to roar and just as he did so a thunderous roar was heard.

"Wow, nice one" Chomper commented to his friend.

"Um, Chomper, that wasn't me" Fang said with a worried tone of voice.

"Then, who was it?" Chomper asked with an equally worried tone. Just them the roar was heard again and Redclaw was seen charging from the horizon.

"REDCLAW!" both of them shouted after seeing him. As they turned to run Screech and Thud jumped in front of them, blocking their path. Fang turned around and saw Redclaw approaching at an alarming speed.

"We have to get to the smoking mountain, we can hide in some caves there" Fang said to Chomper in an alarmed tone. "Now!" Fang shouted to Chomper as he used his tail to throw a rock that hit Thud right in the eye and while he and Creech were distracted Fang and Chomper made a run for it. The two young sharpteeth ran as fast as they could and were making good progress towards the smoking mountain which actually wasn't that far away, a quick glance back and Chomper realized that Redclaw and his goons were making good progress towards then as well.

'Just a little further' he thought and just as it seemed Redclaw was going to get them the two young sharpteeth dove into a cave which was too small for the three other sharpteeth.

"We're safe" Chomper panted. "We should keep moving as far away from those three as possible" he said walking further into the cave as Fang followed. The two wondered through the cave searching for and exit.

"Look, light!" fang shouted pointing toward a small light at the end of a tunnel. The two of them ran down the tunnel and into the light. Suddenly Fang can to an abrupt stop which caused Chomper to run into him.

"What was that for?" Chomper shouted rubbing his head.

"I think I just saved your life" fang said pointing to a huge gorge. "Let's go take a closer look" Fang said as he slowly walked to the edge.

"Yah you do that I'll just stay here where it's safe" Chomper replied sitting on a rock. Suddenly a loud roar was heard "Oh no" Chomper said turning towards the direction it came from. Fang also looked for the source of the roar. Looking to their left they could see Redclaw approaching.

"Let's go!" fang shouted as the two of them ran the other only to be blocked by Screech and Thud. They were trapped and Redclaw was closing in, before they realized Redclaw was right above them. Redclaw brought his head down, mouth wide open towards them. The two young sharpteeth were luckily able to jump out of the way, but unfortunately the force of Redclaw's head hitting the ground caused a crack in the ground which went all the way to the edge where they were standing and caused the ground under their feet to crumble.

Both little bitter screamed as the plummeted to the river at the bottom of the gorge. Luckily for them the drop wasn't too tall and the river was deep so the landing wasn't too bad but them they had to deal with the rapids. The two sharpteeth were being thrown all over the river. After a few seconds the rapids began to clam, Chomper and Fang were able to look each other straight in the eye, both looked forward and realized than the river divided into two parts. They tried to swim towards each other but it was too late, they had been separated and continued to be pulled miles away from each other.

(end flashback)

"Now I remember you, we were separated and the fast water, and then I met Ruby" Chomper said giving his friend a smile.

'Yes, now, why are you hogging that longneck hmm, you want it all for yourself" Fang said licking his jaws.

"He's my friend and so are they" Chomper replied pointing to all the others with afterwards.

"I see, being the nice sharptooth, and do you speak flattooth" Fang said with his hand on his lower jaw as if he were trying to solve a riddle.

"Yup" Chomper replied with a grin. "Hey guys this is my friend Fang" Chomper said in flattooth tongue.

"Pleasure to meet you" Fang said in flattooth tongue. All the others including Chomper were amazed.

"You speak flattooth too" Chomper said with a big smile.

"Yah, it's always good to know more than one language" Fang said. "So what are your names?" Fang asked Chomper's friends.

"I'm Littlefoot, this is Cera, that's Spike, Ducky, Petrie and Ruby" Little said as he introduced himself and his friends.

"Nice to meet you" Ruby said sticking her hand out for a handshake.

"The pleasure is all mine" Fang said as he kissed Ruby on the hand and gave a smirk.

"Oh, a charmer" Ruby said with a slight blush.

"Hey Chomper while I'm here why don't I show you some old friends of ours?" Fang asked with a slight smirk.

"Well ok I guess" Chomper said not being able to remember any friends from beyond the Great Valley.

"Alright, follow me" Fang said as he walked to a opening in the Great Valley wall but to small for any large sharptooth to enter. At the gap he looked around and then let out a loud roar.

"What was that for?" Cera shouted

"Their coming" Fang said as two roars where heard.


Redtooth101

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Note: Hey im so sorry i was so late on this update most of you have probably lost interest but i was away from the net for a while but anyway here is chapter 3. For the song 'when your big' converted to 'when your a sharptooth' imagine it as the same actions as the real song and i trust everyone hear is imaginative enough to alter some parts themselves. Enjoy.
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"What was that?" asked Littlefoot with slight fear in his voice.

"Just a couple of friends" replied Fang with a sly grin on his face.

"I'm supposed to know them right?" Chomper asked Fang with an embarrassed look on his face.

"Yeh, Dillan and Nat, two friends of ours, maybe you'll remember when you see them" Fang answered.

While everyone was waiting Spike decided to have a bite to eat, he walked over to a bush at the edge of a small forest that surrounded the Great Valley, it was one of the most fertile places in the Mysterious Beyond due to the fact that it was just outside the GV. Spike took a few bite but then realized a pair of yellow eyes staring at him, he began to back up making a noise that suggested 'hey guys look at this'.

"What is it Spike?" asked Ducky. Spike made a noise that suggested 'over there' as he pointed his nose at the bush.

"What's wrong" asked Cera as she came over to them.

"Over there" Ducky answered.

Cera turned towards the bush which began to rustle, Cera, Ducky and Spike backed away as a Sharptooth around Fang's age emerged from the bush it was the same species as the one from the island where Chomper used to live, it was black with a yellow stripe that when from its nostril to its eye and then continued from its eye, down its side to the tip of its tail.

"Sharptooth!" Cera shouted.

"No, two sharpteeth!" Petrie shouted as a dark green and red eyed Belly-Dragger of the same age came out of a bush.

The group bunched up as the two sharpteeth approached and closed their eyes awaiting the inevitable.

"Wow guys friends not food" Fang said as he put himself between them and the black sharptooth.

Hearing Fang's voice the group of opened there eyes to see what was going on.

"Fang, I knew you were around here. How did you know we were here?" the black sharptooth said in sharptooth tongue.

"Please, with this sniffer I can find you ten miles away" Fang replied. "Besides we said that we would meet here to look for our parents after the earthshake remember"

"Oh yah" the black sharptooth replied.

"These are your friends?" asked the belly-dragger.

"No, their mine" Chomper said walking towards fang.

The black sharptooth squinted for a second looking at Chomper then his eyes widened.

"Chomper, Little Chomper is that really you?" he asked.

"Yup" Chomper answered with a grin.

"You've grown so much" the black sharptooth said as he walked around Chomper.

"Thanks, uh…"

"He's doesn't really remember his past" Fang said as he cut off Chomper. "Anyway, Chomper you know… or don't know… well you do actually know them but just don't remember… whatever, this is Dillan and this is Nat" Fang said pointing at the belly-dragger and then the sharptooth.

"Long time no see" Dillan said to Chomper.

"Yeh I guess so, oh these are my friends Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, Petrie and Ruby" Chomper said pointing to each off then as he said their name.

"They don't speak sharptooth too well" Fang whispered to Dillan and Nat.

"Alright" Nat whispered back. "Hi, my name's Nat" he said the Littlefoot in flattooth.

"And I'm Dillan" Dillan said in flattooth as well.

"More talking sharpteeth" Cera said

"Yeh Fang taught us, not like we had a choice" Dillan said whispering the last bit to himself.

"Who taught you" Chomper asked Fang.

"My mom, she said it's good to be multi-lingual"

"Look out below!" two female voices called from above. When everyone looked up they saw two small figures coming down at them very fast. A pink one crashed into a tree while and blue one crashed right into Fang's face.

"Oh hi Fang" the blue one said looking Fang right in the eye and then jumping down off his muzzle. She was the same species as Ichy from the land of mists.

"Hello there, I'm Ichetta" She said to the gang but before they could introduce themselves the same voice as before was heard

"Look out!" a pink flyer was shouted as she crashed into Petrie. ""Sorry, my bad" she said getting up from the ground.

"It…" Petrie paused as he got a look at the flyer she was the same type as Rinkus and had almost identical skin color, hers was just a bit lighter and she had eyes as blue as the big water. "It OK" the words seem to slur out of Petrie's mouth as he gazed at the flyer and felt a funny felling in his stomach.

"I'm Angela" she said reaching out for a hand shake.

"Me Petrie" Petrie answered still gazing at the flyer.

"You talk funny" Angela said with a small giggle. "So, what are your names" She asked the others.

After introductions Littlefoot asked "No offense but how did you end up with a bunch of sharpteeth"

"They found me alone in the mysterious beyond and Fang decided to take care of me" Angela answered.

"And what I say goes because I am the leader" Fang said with his head held high.

"So Chomper I bet you're the leader of this group" Nat said lightly elbowing Chomper's arm.

"Well…" Chomper started but was cut off by Cera.

"What makes you think he's the leader" She asked Nat is and angry tone.

"Because he's a sharptooth" Dillan answered with a smug grin.

"What does being a dumb ol' sharptooth have to do with it" Cera asked with an even more angry tone.

"Dumb!" Fang shouted as he jumped in front of Cera.

"Yeh everyone knows sharpteeth are dumber than flatteeth" She said with a smug tone.

"No their not, sharpteeth are better, sharpteeth are smarter and sharpteeth are meaner" Fang said stressing on 'meaner'.

(Music beat from 'When you're big")

When you're a sharptooth

You can push all the flatteeth around

Their running away

While you are chasing them down

You can snap a tree in two

And you know it's the truth

Things are better when you're a sharptooth

All: When you're a sharptooth

Fang: You can do anything you wanna do

The rules that flatteeth make they don't apply to you

You can splash in all the puddles

Act like a tootle goof

The world is wetter when you're a sharptooth

You can snort

You can growl

You can stomp

You can howl

You can bite some flattooth on the head

You can take what you want

Roam the Mysterious Beyond

And you never ever have to go to bed

When you're a sharptooth!

You can step on all the flatteeth's toes

Much them for lunch

And find them with your nose

Threehorns and longnecks and spiketails too

They all have to do anything you want them to

And they don't

They'll be the next meal for you!

Don't you forget

What you want you get

Things are better when you're a sharptooth

When you're a sharptooth (x2)

Wheeeeen yourrrr a sharptoooooooth!

(End song)

"Really now" Cera said as she scratched the ground in preparation to charge.

"Yeh" Fang replied as he got into attach position.

"Cera I wouldn't if I were you" Littlefoot said trying to calm Cera.

"Well you're not so back away" she said.

Littlefoot complied and backed away and Cera began to charge.

"Wait!" Nat shouted out causing Cera to stop.

"What is it" She said in an annoyed tone.

"I smell an adult sharptooth near we better hide" He said sniffing the air.

"In here" Littlefoot said as he walked toward the opening they had used to exit the GV.

All the gang rushed in and looked out as an aqua colored bladeback walked towards the spot where they just were. It had a slightly disappointed yet frustrated look on its face as it walked away.

"That was close, it was, it was" Said ducky.

"What are you guys doing around here" Littlefoot asked out of pure curiosity.

"We're looking for our parents" Fang answered

"We might of found them by now if it wasn't for Redclaw and Redtooth" Nat said with a sour look on his face.

"Redtooth" Littlefoot said with a confused look on his face.

"Yeh he's this huge bladeback, bigger than Redclaw, even bigger than Sharptooth" Nat replied.

"Yeh right, if there was a sharptooth that big we would've seen him already" Cera said.

"He's real he really is" Nat said to her.

"I'd like to see him myself" Cera said.

"Be careful what you wish for" Littlefoot said to Cera then he turned to Fang. "So why are you staying around here" he asked.

"Well it's a big landmark so we decided to come here in hopes that they would look for us" Fang answered.

"Ok, well while you wait you can hang out in here with Chomper and Ruby" Littlefoot said.

"Thanks" Fang replied

"Well it's gonna be dark so we have to go" Littlefoot said as everyone except Chomper and Ruby went back into the valley.

"Come on we'll show you around, around we will show you" Ruby said as the sharpteeth and flyers followed.

Out in the mysterious beyond the aqua bladeback still roamed around "Fang, where are you" she said to herself in a worried tone as she continued to walk.
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I was personaly pleased with this, comment and rate. if your wondering why i used the type of sharptooth from the island instead of just a is because i personarl think that sharptooth was a giganatosaurus and i wanted one of those in this.


Petrie85

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A pretty good chapter you made here. I really enjoy it a lot.


vonboy

  • Chomper: "Threehorns are better at everything, including rumpsteaks"
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Yeah, pretty sad to see you haven't gotten feedback on this yet (Petrie85 doesn't count...just trust me on this :p ). I feel like you'd like some quality feedback, so I'll do my best. :yes

I remember reading the first two chapters of this a long time ago. I did find it kind of interesting back then, but it was still very early in the story, so I didn't think of it much I guess.

I liked your use of a modified "When Your Big" song with the gang of sharpteeth, as it shows how this bunch sort of appears to be like Hyp's gang. They think they're better than others, and they push others around. I"m kind of interested in how they might try to treat the Gang in the future, since they don't think very highly of herbivores at all. You've set up opportunities for a ton of conflict here, and I'd love to see how it plays out. :)

I'm also liking the characters that your creating in this story. Fang seems to be a pretty complicated character, who seems to act before thinking. I'm getting some of this from your participation in Pterano's RP, but Fang and Nat seem to be a great pair, with lots of opportunity for interesting and funny interactions, sort of like Ozzy and Strut, Dil and Itchy, or Rinkus and Sierra. They kind of give off that vibe to me.

Now on to what's wrong with this. Your grammar and punctuation, and writing in general is horrible. There's so many errors out the wazzo, I don't even want to try to point them all out. There's several instances I saw of not using a comma to break up a thought a little when it needed it. You never put a period at the end of any dialogue, which kind of bothers me. you seem to misspell words a lot, or even use the wrong word in a sentence. I remember seeing a "Little" instead of "Littlefoot".

You could also try using a larger variety of words. Seeing "Said", "Replied" and "Answered" over and over again gets boring to read.

I'd say this is almost as horribly written as the very first version of episode 1 of my fanfiction. :lol

I might sound kind of mean, sorry about that, but I'm just trying to provide some constructive criticism, as I've always found it very helpful.

The story itself is good and interesting right now, which is very important. I'm going to keep reading this for the story. Now, if you'd work on sprucing up your writing some, it will really help. One thing you might want to try is getting someone else to proofread your chapters. I've been having someone proofread my writing lately, and it's a big help having two sets of eyes to look out for things rather than just one.
Come check out my new Youtube gaming channel, Game Biter!
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Littlefoot: "Look, Chomper. You're uncle is dead, and it's just right for your friends to be there for you. You'd be there if someone we know died, right?"

Chomper: "Well, sure I would!"

Come give my LBT TV Series fanfiction, PAST-O-RAMA, a read!
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(Runner-Up)


Redtooth101

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Thanks for the feedback. To be honest with you, I wrote this quite some time ago, I shoulda have edited it haha.

I'll do better with the next.