Land Before Time XVIII: Hunter Valley

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **on:** January 28, 2015, 06:58:25 PM

(Note: It can be assumed that all of the characters are speaking in Sharptooth.)

The parents had been killed and most of the eggs had been destroyed in the rock slide. Five young Fast Biters found an egg that had not been damaged. Looks like one of them made it. said Farrell. Yeah, well, it's not our egg. said Thorn. Yeah, like we could have an egg. laughed Thorn's sister Edna. What should we do with it? asked Darrien. We should hatch it. It will die out here. said Lorenzo. They stared at the green egg, wondering what to do with it.

As the parents had been buried in the rock slide, the five children did not know what type the egg was. However, the five children guessed that the parents must have perished, for they could see footprints that had tried to run from it. The rocks were too big to move off the bodies to find out what type they were.

Darrien had red eyes and was orange and brown. Her friend Lorenzo had yellow eyes and was red and brown. Edna and Thorn both had orange eyes. They both were orange and red, though Thorn was a darker shade of orange and red than Edna. Farrell had hazel eyes and was orange and yellow.

Lorenzo was optimistic and brave. Thorn was kind enough, though he could be really stubborn and could be a bit unkind at times. His sister Edna was gentler than him and really outgoing. Darrien was also outgoing and gentle. She was also somewhat of a coward. Farrell was more reserved, but good-natured.

After much pestering from Lorenzo, they had agreed to take the egg. They had decided not to tell their parents. The less their parents knew, the better, they figured. This time, they were very right!

They all stood around the egg , wondering what it could be. Think it's a Sharp Beak? asked Darrien. Seems kind of big to be that. said Farrell. Maybe it's a Gigantosaurus. said Edna. Maybe it's a Belly Dragger. said Thorn. We will be good parents to it, whatever it is. said Lorenzo. But we're just kids. said Thorn. Well, we can be good parents, can't we? I mean, it can't be anything we can't handle. said Lorenzo.

They sat by their egg. Eventually, it hatched. It wasn't a Belly Dragger, a Gigantosuaurs, or a Sharp Beak, though. It wasn't even a Sharptooth at all! It was a Club Tail!

It was a girl. She was green and had a tiny club on her tail. She had pink eyes and looked really cute. She smiled at them innocently.

It's a…..a….Leaf Eater! said Darrien. They sat, staring at the Club Tail, who didn't yet realize what danger she could be in. What do we do? whispered Edna. Eat it?suggested Thorn, licking his lips and starting hungrily at the young Club Tail. No! She's just a baby! We can't do that! protested Lorenzo. Come on, I'm starving here! whined Thorn. You think with your stomach Thorn! Go get some hoppers! snapped his sister.

They argued about what to do. Eventually, they agreed that harming a baby was wrong. Also, they soon realized that they had to keep the baby away from their parents, who didn't share their views on not eating kids.

They named the kid Leafie. Come on Leafie, you need to hide. said Lorenzo. He tried to feed the kid insects, but the baby didn't want any. Crazy kid doesn't want bugs. What's wrong with her? said Thorn. Eventually, he brought Leafie to some grass, which she started to eat. At least we have the eating problem taken care of. said Thorn.

They hid Leafie from their parents as time went by. They made sure that she didn't wander out of where they had kept her. While the other Fast Biter children ran around and played and pretended to hunt Leaf Eaters, they spent most of their day making sure that Leafie wasn't in any danger. If they lost her, she would almost certainly end up a meal.

One day, Leafie asked them Why must I always stay hidden? They weren't sure what to say. If they told Leafie the truth, she might not talk to them anymore. Finally, they agreed that they had to say something. Leafie, we're different. Our kind are, well, supposed to eat your kind. said Lorenzo. But that's nuts. You're friends with me. said Leafie.

You don't see us eating green food, do you? said Edna. No, I haven't seen you eat at all. What do you eat? asked Leafie. Leaf Eaters. said Thorn. Leafie was horrified. Don't eat me. I'm too young! begged Leafie.

Don't worry, we aren't going to hurt you. You're our friend. We took you in. Darrien reassured her. But what if your folks get me? asked Leafie. They sighed. It had been a few cold times since Leafie hatched. They knew that they couldn't leave her in Hunter Valley forever. They would need to find somewhere else for their friend to live. But where?

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **Reply #1 on:** February 24, 2015, 03:23:34 AM

CHAPTER ONE: VELO

One day Leafie was alone. Velo, an enemy of Lorzeno's, sniffed the air. *Club Tail!* he said. He moved closer and eventually found Leafie. *Ah, an afternoon snack!* said Velo. *Please don't!* begged Leafie.

*You talk?!* said Velo incredulously. *Yes, I do.* said Leafie. *Where did you learn it?* asked Velo. *My friends.* said Leafie. *Friends?* said Velo.

*Yes, get away from her!* It was Lorenzo. *Ah, Lorenzo, I see you've been hiding a Flattooth in Hunter Valley.* said Velo. *Flattooth?* said Leafie. *Listen girly, you may be able to talk, but you're not a Sharptooth like us.* said Velo. *Sharptooth?* said Leafie.

*So, you never told her, did you?* said Velo. *We have sharp teeth. It's for eating meat. You know we are supposed to eat Flatteeth. Leaf Eaters.* said Lorenzo.

*Are you going to eat me?* said Leafie. She felt betrayed. Were her friends going to eat her after all of these cold times of being friends? *They've kept me hidden. I've never come out.* said Leafie. *Clever move of theirs. If you had, you'd have been in one of our stomachs.* said Velo.

*Velo, please don't tell!* begged Edna. *Who says I'll tell?* said Velo. *Thank you Velo.* said Lorenzo. He thought maybe Velo, whom he'd had quite a few tussles with, and, whom also wanted Darrien as his girlfriend, had changed for the better. *I'll just have a little snack.* said Velo, sneering. The others all gasped.

*Velo, please!* begged Leafie. *A Flattooth has no place among a pack. Except as the main course.* said Velo. He leapt at Leafie, his mouth open. Lorenzo and Thorn tackled Velo. *Don't hurt her!* said Thorn. *Come on guys! I'm hungry!* said Velo. He pushed them away. *Time for a meal!* said Velo. He again leapt at Leafie. This time, Farrell tackled him. *Run Leafie!* said Farrell. Velo again broke free. *All of this waiting has increased me appetite.* said Velo. He again leapt at Leafie.

Leafie, in her fright, struck him with her tail. He went flying and landed in a heap. He was hurt, but alive. She had knocked the wind out of him. He got up, painfully. He didn't want to get hurt more at the moment. However, he snarled and stared at the others. *I'd suggest you eat your Flattooth friend now. When the pack gets here, it'll be a rather painful end for her.* laughed Velo. He ran off. The others stood there, horrified.

*We've got to stop him!* said Edna. *He's already got a head start. And he might come back for Leafie.* said Darrien. Leafie stood there, horrified and shocked. *I'm not like you guys, am I? I'm different. You're supposed to eat my kind. Where did you get me from?* she asked.

*Your parents and all of your siblings died in a rock slide many cold times ago. We've been taking care of you, as big a risk as it was. But we need to hide. I cannot let all of those years go to waste. There are places to hide in Hunter Valley. Some we haven't let you go near as it's risky. However, it's getting dark. It's your best chance. But, beware, if the pack shows up, they can smell you. I'm just hoping Velo won't realize we're going to the Dark Cave.* said Lorenzo. *The Dark Cave?* said Leafie.

*It's a really creepy cave. Some think it's haunted.* said Lorenzo. *I don't know about this.* said Leafie uneasily. *Look, Leafie, you have two choices: go to the Dark Cave, or wait for the pack to find us here, overcome us, and eat you.* said Edna. Leafie agreed, for her very life was in danger.

The six teenagers headed toward the Dark Cave. They hoped that they didn't meet the pack. They didn't want to have to fight their own friends and family.

(Note, the * thing is because it's all in Sharptooth. Velo is short for Velociraptor. I'm also going to bring, in addition the the Gang of Five, Ptero (from my film 15) and Guido into this movie too. Ptero will be most useful as he knows Sharptooth. Now Ptero and Chomper will both have four movies that they are in.))

Ducky123 · **Reply #2 on:** February 24, 2015, 05:26:14 PM

One advise: Don't use the same word again and again. You've written a lot of "he said"'s. Try other words like exclaim, tell, speak, reply, etc. there are dozens of such words and you're only using two or three.

Nahla · **Reply #3 on:** February 24, 2015, 10:55:44 PM

I'll say this the * thing is a bit annoying, lots of authors still use " for Sharptooth. You could try bolding Sharptooth speak to make it stand out from leafeater, thats what most authors do.

Using * for speak makes things look a bit...amateurish and some people can be put off by that, I'm not one to judge someones fic from their writing style...I used to be terrible can't even look at my old works without cringing.

You used " in the first post, and it looks much better. No offence but the * looks awful.

Also try and have a space everytime a new character speaks, it makes thinks neater and easier to follow.

And one last thing-you really should try describing things better.

Try and describe the characters emotions, the events happening.

Detail, detail, detail.

That's what readers like, little or no detail makes your story seem rushed and people will shy away from it because it is boring.

It's all in the detail, we want to feel for the characters, understand how their feeling and what's happening to them.

Detail is what can make a story or break it.

Hope you don't take offence to this, I'm just trying to help you become a better writer.

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **Reply #4 on:** February 25, 2015, 11:37:00 PM

I'm updating it more to describe their eye color, body color, and personalities. I've tried to change some of the wording, but use the word "said" too much still. Now all the talk in Sharptooth is in bold (on Fanfiction.net. I don't think it will copy as is to here sadly.)

Also going to mention more about Velo. I"m wondering if he should be more against Leafie because he just views her as something to eat and thinks the five Fast Biters are just strange or if it should be more out of jealousy as he wants to go out with Darrien but she likes Lorenzo more and that he and Lorenzo butt heads a lot and he just wants to get back at him.

Or, better yet, a mixture of both. I plan to send the Gang of Five plus Guido plus an OC from my film 15 to Hunter Valley. They are walking in the Mysterious Beyond, run into a tornado, run to hide, get lost in the changed landscape, and end up in Hunter Valley instead of the Great Valley.

Also, in this story, I plan to bring in a new type of Sharptooth, the Tarbosaruus, the Asian counterpart of the T-Rex.

(Some wonder if Red Claw might actually be this species, though he's T-Rex as of yet till shown otherwise.)

(Cool, my 1000th posts.)

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **Reply #5 on:** March 16, 2015, 02:17:31 PM

This chapter has a bit more detail in it. (It at least has sound effects.

)

CHAPTER TWO: LOST IN THE MYSTERIOUS BEYOND

Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Ptero, and Guido were off in the Mysterious Beyond. As they were now getting older, the adults didn't care as much if they went out there as long as they came back before dark. Also, in a group, they were safer after all and that was one of the Longneck wisdoms.

Ptero had adopted by Petrie's family after the death of his evil mother. He was half-Sharptooth and half-Flattooth. Guido, meanwhile, was a Glider. He was kind of dorky but was pleasant to be around.

Overheard, the sky was overcast and getting darker. "I fear sky water is going to fall soon." said Cera. They hoped not. They didn't like getting soaked.

"A little water will not hurt you. It will not. It will not." said Ducky.

"We no Swimmers like you! It annoying to us!" said Petrie.

However, suddenly they heard a BOOM BOOM! It was a Tarborsaurus pack thundering at them. They turned and ran. Back off! said Ptero in Sharptooth. The pack ignored him and continued to come forward. Ptero shrugged. "I tried." he said. They continued to run and fly for dear life.

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! It started to rain. As time went on, it poured. The Sharpteeth were still after them. WHOOSH! WHOOSH! The wind picked up. It was starting to blow Petrie, Guido, and Ptero around. "Me no like this!" whined Petrie. KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM! Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed in the sky.

The Sharpteeth were getting closer. Cera jabbed one in the toe with one of her two horns. The Sharptooth fell over and two others tripped over him like the Three Stooges. Littlefoot and his friends laughed.

However, more Sharpteeth were coming. It looked bad. But then...WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! A funnel cloud appeared. "It a Sky Twirly! Run!" said Littlefoot.

The Sharpteeth were getting closer. And so was the Sky Twirly. SWOOSH! WHOOSH! The wind was picking up. SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! The rain was causing it to be hard to see. It was quite dark out now due to all the clouds.

"The Sharpteeth won't be able to find us in this!" said Cera.

"I hope that's the case!" said Guido.

"Sharpteeth can smell us even if they can't see us. Let's hope that this Sky Water washes away our smells." said Ptero.

The Sharpteeth were getting nearer. It looked bad. Then the Sky Twirly came. It narrowly missed the Sharpteeth. The Sharpteeth got thrown by the winds all the same. Littlefoot and his friends hoped that the Sharpteeth were killed. Then , however, the Sky Twirly went their way. "Oh no!" they cried.

They were able to move aside. However, rocks and trees were thrown everywhere. They ran as fast as they could down a path and into a canyon. They had never gone this way before. Behind them, the Sky Twirly had caused the canyon to close by a rock slide. They hoped that there was another way out or else they, minus Petrie, Ptero, and Guido, might die of hunger in here.

The Sky Twirly didn't go into the canyon, but the winds intensified around them. SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHH! The winds reverberated across the canyon walls and struck rocks. The group headed into a cave. As they entered, rocks hit them and they soon fell a short distance into the cave. They blacked out.

Outside, the weather turned for the better and the sky soon cleared. Around though, there was a mess of debris that blocked a lot of the canyon. Also, out in the Mysterious Beyond, the Sharpteeth got up. They were a bit bruised but otherwise unharmed. And they were determined to get the teens for a meal. They sniffed the air eagerly. They couldn't get into the canyon but they weren't about to give up. They sniffed the air, trying to find another way to get to Littlefoot and his friends.

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **Reply #6 on:** March 16, 2015, 03:58:25 PM

CHAPTER THREE: THE DARK CAVE

Darrien, Lorenzo, Thorn, Farrell, Edna, and Leafie tiptoed through Hunter Valley. Leafie, who had been hidden most of her life, didn't know where she was going. They heard someone coming. Leafie quickly hid. Luckily she had hid in mud. And even more luckily, her friends had the sense to put leaves over her head.

It was Xavier, the pack leader. There is a storm going on. Some trees are being blown over. You kids should take cover. he said in Sharptooth.

We are quite capable of taking care of ourselves. said Thorn.

ROOOOARRR! Xavier advanced forward. I don't need any lip from you young man! he snarled.

Sorry sir. apologized Thorn.

Velo has a most interesting story. He says that you are hiding a Flattooth. said Xavier.

Velo is a fibber and just likes your attention! lied Lorenzo.

Xavier sniffed the air. I do smell a Club Tail! he said, continuing to sniff. He might not be able to smell exactly where Leafie was, but he might find her if he stayed around long enough.

Oh, we had Club Tail for dinner. lied Darrien.

Most delicious. Pity you couldn't have had some. added Farrell.

Velo was just jealous that we didn't give him any and so he made that whole story up. said Edna.

Well, be sure that you get to shelter soon. I don't like the looks of this storm. said Xavier. He left.

When they were sure he was truly gone, Leafie came out.

My life is in danger here every moment that I stay. I need to go somewhere else, don't I? she said. She had always felt that ever since learning the truth. They nodded.

The wind was indeed getting bad. They headed toward the Dark Cave. They were nervous about going in. However, if Leafie got injured out here in the open, she'd be a meal faster than Ozzy when heading toward a huge unguarded nesting ground. They headed inside. The place sounded eerie. The walls made the place echo, and wind going through the cave made it sound as though evil spirits were in the place.

Meanwhile, Littlefoot and his friends came to. "Where are we?" he sound, his head pounding like a sledgehammer. He was still disoriented. And it didn't help that there wasn't much light in here. And, much to their horror, they soon found that the storm had blocked the entrance to the cave. They had to hope there was another way out or else they would die. Poor Ptero would go mad and they dreaded to think what he might do to them when hunger totally ran his mind. He was half-Sharptooth after all. He was their friend and wouldn't harm them when in his right mind. However, when totally hungry, he'd be just another Sharptooth. Littlefoot had learned this when Chomper, having been in a cave once with him and Shorty, had bitten him in the tail on instinct. Chomper luckily had snapped back to himself and they had obviously found a way out, but he still knew what he was facing if they didn't get out.

Leafie moved forward in the cave. It did sound eerie. However, it was safer than being out there in the storm, with Sharpteeth that would love to have her for dinner. She was worried about her future. She had always stayed in the confines of Hunter Valley her entire life. Where would she go now?

OOOOOOOH! OOOOOOH! Wind moved through the cave. She jumped. She thought she saw a shadow. She moved forward, her tail raised. She had learned that it could be used a weapon if anything unpleasant came across her. Luckily, it was just Lorenzo.

He was sniffing the air. Flatteeth. he said.

Yeah, how do I smell? asked Leafie in annoyance.

Not you! said Lorenzo.

Another Flattooth? Here?! Excitement rose in her. She might at last see another of her own kind.

Littlefoot and his friends moved forward in the dark. It was lucky for them that Ptero was part Sharp Beak and hence could see in this very dim light. They went forward slowly. PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBTTTT! "What is that?" asked Guido in alarm.

"Ut oh!" said Spike. Spike had broken wind. They gagged.

"Ew, Spike's tush has blown a boomer!" said Ducky, fanning the air.

What was that? asked Thorn, coming toward them. He sniffed the air. Eccch, you guys reek! he groaned.

I didn't do it! said Lorenzo.

Me neither! said Leafie.

Littlefoot went forward. He thought he heard something up ahead. He hoped that it was friendly.

Leafie moved forward. She wanted to find out what else was in the cave besides them. She turned a corner.

Littlefoot always turned a corner. He saw someone up ahead. He moved forward.

Leafie moved forward. She turned as the figure ahead came into view.

Littlefoot and Leafie stared at each other. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they both yelled. They ran around, knocking over cave teeth and making a large ruckus. Thorn, Edna, Lorenzo, Farrell, and Darrien came running into sight from one direction. Petrie, Ptero, Guido, Cera, Ducky, and Spike came running from the other. All of them stared at each other.

Flatteeth! said the five Fast Biters!

"Sharpteeth!" said Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Guido, and Ptero.

Leafie stared at the Flatteeth. She had seen her kind for the first time in her life! She wondered what they would be like.

LittlefootAndAliTogether · **Reply #7 on:** March 21, 2015, 06:01:43 PM

CHAPTER FOUR: HUNTER VALLEY

"Come on, there are Sharpteeth!" Littlefoot said to Leafie.

Though she had never spoken Leaf Eater before, she just knew it naturally and began to speak it, without having to be taught. "They are my friends." said Leafie.

Hello there. What are your names? Ptero asked the five Fast Biters in Sharptooth.

I am Lorenzo. said Lorenzo.

I am Farrell. said Farrell.

Edna. said Edna.

Thorn. said Thorn.

I am Darrien. Who are you? asked Darrien, eyeing Ptero.

I am Ptero. said Ptero.

"Who are you? What are you doing with Sharpteeth?" Littlefoot asked Leafie.

"I'm Leafie. They are my friends. I live here." she replied.

"In a cave?!" asked Cera.

"No, in Hunter Valley." said Leafie.

"Where is that?" asked Guido.

"It's outside the cave." said Leafie.

"Well, we need to get back home. We kinda had a mishap with a Sky Twirly." said Littlefoot.

"And Sharpteeth." said Ptero.

"You can talk Sharptooth and Leaf Eater, just like me!" said Leafie to Ptero.

"My Mother was a Sharptooth. A nasty one. My Dad was a Flattooth." said Ptero.

"I wish I knew my parents." said Leafiie longingly.

"I lost my Mom and most of my siblings when I was little." said Cera to Leafie.

"Me lose me Dad." said Petrie.

"I lost my Mother." said Littlefoot.

"Spike losted both of his parents." said Ducky.

They paused as they all heard a noise nearby. Footsteps. Somebody was coming. Somebody suddenly spoke. Littlefoot and his group, minus Ptero, didn't understand what it was saying. But the others did. So, you tried to run away with the Flattooth. Well, the storm has let up, for now, and I'm extra hungry after helping clean up!

"Who's that?" Ptero whispered to Leafie.

"It's Velo." she said.

Hoping to get out of the Dark Cave? I heard that the whole canyon over there was blocked. You won't be getting out that way. And you're in luck Lorenzo. All the entrances to Hunter Valley, minus the main one, have been blocked. Your Flattooth friend will have to go by the pack to get out that way. But, then again, the pack will enjoy the meal after all of their hard work. laughed Velo.

Velo, why are you doing this? asked Lorenzo.

You took my girl. Now I'm going to get you for it. said Velo.

I can think for myself Velo. I don't like bullies. said Darrien.

Tell you what Darrien. You be my girl and I'll forget I ever found the Flattooth. said Velo.

I'd rather fall into a tar pit! shouted Darrien defiantly.

What a pity. Be sure to say goodbye to your Flattooth friend. I figure that, once the pack finds her, they won't give you time to say bye bye then. laughed Velo. Velo was too smart to try and fight them all by himself, having been bested once before. He left.

"What he say?" asked Petrie, who didn't understand Sharptooth.

"He says that he's going to ensure that I'm going to get eaten. He doesn't like Lorenzo and he wants to get back at him. And you guys might be in danger too. He said that the only purpose Flatteeth have around here is the main course." said Leafie.

"Should we stay in here?" asked Littlefoot.

They didn't need to wait long for an answer.

There is a Flattooth in here. It was Velo again.

I smell a few of them. said another voice.

"He's not alone. There are others and they can smell you." whispered Ptero in Leaf Eater to them.

"What are we going to do? If they find us we're toast!" whispered Guido back.

There is another way out. It will lead to the other side of Hunter Valley. It's further from the main entrance, but it's our only choice if we don't want you guys to get caught. whispered Thorn to Leafie and Ptero.

The two told the others. They snuck through the cave and were able to get around Velo and the other Fast Biters. The Fast Biters were nearby, sniffing the air. They could smell them and would believe Velo this time. They all kept moving, their hearts pounding in their chests. They moved through a lot of twists and turns. The Leaf Eaters feared that around every turn, Velo or the other Fast Biters would find them and it would be the end of them. Luckily, they were able to make it out.

This way. said Edna. She lead them onward and into some bushes. They went toward a small cavern. In here. Edna told the Leaf Eaters. They went in. The group blocked the entrance with leaves.

Did you see the Flatteeth? asked Xavier.

Sure. They went into our stomachs. lied Darrien.

They're lying. said Velo.

Come on Velo. No Flatteeth here. If they were here, I'm sure that they'd have eaten them. said Xavier. He eyed Ptero. Who's he?

Our Sharp Beak friend, Ptero. He's just passing in. He helped us catch a Swimmer. lied Farrell.

Well, this valley is for Fast Biters to live in. You're welcome for a while Ptero, but I suggest you move on soon. said Xavier. He and the other Fast Biters, minus Velo, left.

I know you're hiding them. I'm furious that you've made a fool of me twice! snarled Velo. He slashed Lorenzo on the leg, cutting it open slightly. The five Fast Biters moved to retaliate against Velo, but he took off, muttering This isn't over punks!

We need you guys to come out. You're going to have to move somewhere else. Velo will not let you stay there for long. said Thorn.

Littlefoot and his friends got out. They were worried now. It didn't look like they'd be getting back by dark. They were now more concerned if they'd be getting back at all.

Meanwhile, as the Bright Circle went down in the Great Valley, Grandpa Longneck was worried. "They aren't back. This is not good." he said.

His mate Irene nodded. "Don't worry Ignatius, they have survived out there before." she said, trying not to show the fear she had herself.

"I hope I don't lose Cera. Cerata would never have forgiven me if I lose her." said Topps, himself worried. Few things could scare Topps. The idea of losing his daughter was one of those few things.

"Poor Petrie. I hope he and Ptero are all right." said Mama Flyer.

"Petrie has been in pinches before Ptyra, don't worry." said her brother Pterano.

"What about Ducky and Spike? What about Guido?" asked Mama Swimmer.

They all said nothing. The parents, grandparents, uncle, and step parent were all worried about their kids. They tried not to think about the worst. They went to bed, all feeling uneasy.