The Land Before Time XV

[Adder]

I'm writting a fanfiction called The Land Before Time XV: The Quest of the Longneck Princess.

The plot is:

Ali and Shorty return to the Great Valley after their herd is attacked by Red Claw. Ali is still morning the death of the Old One, but is she devolping a romance for Littlefoot, but will Shorty and Cera try and ruin their developing love? Read to find out.

As request by someone at fanfiction.net, I'm changing to paragraph style instead of script-style.

[Adder]

Changing it to the way Caustizer requested.

Here's Chapter 1 (note: I've added an extra line and paragraph)

Littlefoot and Cera are walking through the Great Valley without Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Ruby or Chomper, they didn't wake up when Littlefoot and Cera did.

Littlefoot says, "When do you think that the others will wake up? It's boring just walking around the valley all morning."

Cera responds, "I know, too bad Ali and Shorty are here, then we wouldn't be bored, and we have something to do 'till others wake up."


Littlefoot exclaims, "Cera!"

Cera nevously says, "Jeez, Littlefoot. I mean play hide and go-seek or..."

In a bored voice Littlefoot says, "Okay, I just wish that we had something..."

He is cut off a female voice, "Well, why don't you turn around, and your wish will come true?"

Littlefoot and Cera turn around, they see Ali standing behind them with Shorty.

Littlefoot and Cera both exclaim, "Ali! Shorty! What are you doing here?!"


Littlefoot calms down, and says, "If you guys are here, then why are you herds?"

Ali sadly responds, "We got seperated from them in a big earthshake, but last time we saw them, they were still alive."

Shorty interrupts, "Yeah, are herds met up, and joined together."

Ali continues, "Yeah, and to make things worse, the Old One was attacked by a large grey sharptooth with a red-scar from his eye down to his hand, and it killed her."


Littlefoot glumly says, "Red Claw."

Confused, Ali responds, "Who?"

Cera states, "Red-Claw is the biggest and the meanest sharptooth alive."

Littlefoot continues, "He seperates familes, steals food from other dinosaurs, and sometimes kills other dinosaurs for no reason."

In a slightly joking voice, Shorty says, "Sounds like someone that you don't really want to mess around with."


The screen fades black, then Littlefoot, Ruby, Cera, Ali and Shorty are seen running around kicking a pineone around, while "Lies" by Evanescence plays.

Ohhh oohh oohh oohh ahh ohh ohh oohh oohh oohh ohh ohh oooh ohh
Ohhh oohh oohh oohh ahh ohh ohh oohh oohh oohh ohh ohh oooh ohh
Ohhh oohh oohh oohh ahh ohh ohh oohh oohh oohh ohh ohh oooh ohh


Deep Heavy Speaking:
Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within and persuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough
You will never be good enough
You were never conceived in love
You will not rise above



They'll never see
I'll never be
I struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me



Deep Heavy Speaking:
But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you



They'll never see
I'll never be
I struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

They'll never see
I'll never be
I struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh




Heavy Scream:
Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived yet died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you



They'll never see
I'll never be
I struggle on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
Ohhh oohh ahh oohh ahh ohh
(fade out)

The screen comes back, and several names appear on the screen as the camera zooms back in on them.
The title card is show:

THE LAND BEFORE TIME XV: THE QUEST OF THE LONGNECK PRINCESS

Then the main cast is shown.

Starring:
Jordan Nagai
Nika Futterman
Chlo” Moretz
Grey DeLisle
Brandon DePaul
Madison Pettis
Jim Cummings
Zachary Gordan
and
Frank Welker as Spike

Ruby, Chomper, Duck, Spike and Petrie have arrived at the spot where Littlefoot is at.

Petrie excitedly says, "It good to see again, Ali. I sorry about the Old One."

Ali sadly says, "It's good to see you too Petrie, yeah, Red Claw came out of now where, and broke her neck in one bite. Me and Shorty were the only kids in the heard besides Rhett, and we ran away from the herd when he chased after them."

Shorty, in a confident voice says, "Last time we saw them, they were still alive, I don't even Red Claw could handle that many longnecks, he probaly gave up chasing them."

In a concerned voice Ducky says, "Your herd is probaly worried sick about you though."


Cera asks, "If your here, and your herd dosen't know if your dead or alive, then how are they going to find you?"

In a sad voice, Ali says, "I guess they won't find us."

Shorty loudly says, "What are you talking about Ali? They'd surely know we'd go to the Great Valley if we every got seperated from the herd, so they'll probaly show up here in a few days."

Ali says, "I hope your right Shorty."


Littlefoot, to calm her down, says, "Yeah, Shorty's right. Your herd knows that you have friends here, so you'd come here for safety."

Cera asks, "So what happened before you ended up heading for here?"

Ali says, "How about I tell you later alright? I really need some sleep, I walked for about three days, and only slept for one of those days."

Ali and Short walk off to Ruby's cave to go sleep, and Ruby asks, "If they're sleeping our cave, then where are we going to sleep?"

Post, and tell me what you think.

I changed it so when some talks it is on a new line.

[DarkHououmon]

There is a problem I noticed with the plot.

Ali and Shorty return to the Great Valley after their herd is attacked by Red Claw. Ali is story morning the death of the Old One, but is she devolping a romance for Littlefoot, but will Shorty and Cera try and ruin their developing love? Read to find out.

Shorty isn't a part of Ali's herd, and he's a brachiosaurus, not an apatosaurus (which is what Ali's herd is entirely comprised of). You're probably thinking of Rhett. He's the same age as Littlefoot and Ali (or probably close to it), he's an apatosaurus, and he belongs to Ali's herd. Shorty, on the other hand, actually belongs to Bron's herd and Bron's herd isn't migratory like Ali's herd is; they stay in one place.

[Adder]

There is a problem I noticed with the plot.

Ali and Shorty return to the Great Valley after their herd is attacked by Red Claw. Ali is story morning the death of the Old One, but is she devolping a romance for Littlefoot, but will Shorty and Cera try and ruin their developing love? Read to find out.

Shorty isn't a part of Ali's herd, and he's a brachiosaurus, not an apatosaurus (which is what Ali's herd is entirely comprised of). You're probably thinking of Rhett. He's the same age as Littlefoot and Ali (or probably close to it), he's an apatosaurus, and he belongs to Ali's herd. Shorty, on the other hand, actually belongs to Bron's herd and Bron's herd isn't migratory like Ali's herd is; they stay in one place.

I know, but in my story I had them join together, like in The Brave Longneck Scheme where Ali and Rhett's joined together. Samething only with Ali and Shorty's herds.

[Caustizer]

A good effort, but the grammar makes this story slightly confusing.  Perhaps for the next chapter you should go a line down when a new character speaks to make it easier to follow.

Also I agree with DH... Shorty isn't part of Ali's herd.  The only concievable explanation is if by chance Bron's herd and Ali's herd happen to visit the valley at the same time (which would make good complications in the plot   )

Caustizer.

[Adder]

Here's part of Chapter 2 that I've written.

Chapter 2: Where's Ali?

Littlefoot says, "You'll still be able to sleep in the cave, but you'll have to get used to Ali and Shorty being there."

Ruby responds, "Okay, but what if they wake us up at night? Who knows if they talk in their sleep or not?"

Littlefoot defensively says, "Ali dosen't talk in her sleep, I slept with her once!"

The gang just stairs at Littlefoot with shocked faces when he admits that.

Cera, slightly disturbed says, "Wait... you and Ali..."

Littlefoot blurts out, "Cera! We're only teens! I meant we were talking, and we fell asleep!"

Petrie interruputs, "Uhh, Littlefoot? It's getting late, should we start heading back to our nests?"

Littlefoot looks away from Cera and says, "I guess Petrie's right, we should go to sleep now."

Ducky, Spike and Petrie leave, but Cera and Littlefoot stay, Cera nervously asks, "Littlefoot, can I spend a few nights with you and your grandparents? My dad's be a real pain now, and I don't feel like talking to him for a while."

Littlefoot says, "Sure. You can stay as long as you want."

The next day, Ruby wakes up, and sees that Chomper, Ali and Shorty are gone.

In a slightly tired voice she asks loudly, "Ali? Chomper? Shorty? Where are you." No one responds, and she asks again louder, "Ali! Shorty! Chomper!"

Again no one responds, she gets up, and runs out of the cave, and there she looks around outside the cave for them, their not there.

She says to herself, "Where are they?"

Then she remembers they were all supposed to meet a Littlefoot's nest, she begins running to there.

She comes up over the hill, and sees the gang there, so she walks down it, and over to them.

Cera asks, "Jeez, Ruby. Where were you at?" Ruby says, "I slept in, sorry." Chomper, concered, asks, "Are you sure that shouldn't go back to sleep? You look pretty tired."

Ruby responds, "No, I'm fine." Cera says, "So Littlefoot, why'd you want all of us here for?"

Littlefoot answers, "I wanted all of you here, because I haven't seen Ali or Shorty all day, I think they might've left the valley."

Chomper says, "Neither have I or Ruby."

Duck says, "Well, if they're not here, then where? The mysterious beyond?"

Littlefoot continues, "They could be hiding in one of the caves up by the trail to the mysterious beyond, let's look there."

The gang turns around to leave, and they see Ruby is sleeping.

Chomper says, "I knew it! I knew she'd fall asleep!"

[Adder]

Also I agree with DH... Shorty isn't part of Ali's herd.  The only concievable explanation is if by chance Bron's herd and Ali's herd happen to visit the valley at the same time (which would make good complications in the plot   )

Caustizer.

Like I said, between the events of XIV and XV, their herds joined together, but you'll hear about that it second of of the next chapter in a flash back of Ali's, that's all I can tell you, I don't want to ruin the story.

[Clawandfang]

Is this a fanfiction you've had in your head for a while, or are you just going with the flow?

[Adder]

Is this a fanfiction you've had in your head for a while, or are you just going with the flow?

I just write what I can when I can think of something good. This fanfiction is being written as it comes to mind, I don't have it saved anyway that is already typed. I might write a LBTXIV to predict what might happen in that, yes it will be titled the growing sky stone.

[Clawandfang]

Where'd you get the idea for the title? It's a little...unusual.

[LBTFan13]

The Longneck Princess was another hoax title used to emulate hype for a new LBT sequel, along with The Growing Sky Stone. The term princess made a lot of speculation that this would be the movie that Ali would return, but because she came back in the TV series, as well as the studio closing and what not, the movie was proven false.

Scratte might have been inspired by that, but I have to agree as well. The term implies a sense of royalty, and Ali is not royalty in any sense. Of course, I could just be reading into this too much.

Otherwise, this is pretty interesting. Beside some plot points that haven't been explained yet, which you have said will be explained later, this is looking pretty good.

[Adder]

Scratte might have been inspired by that, but I have to agree as well. The term implies a sense of royalty, and Ali is not royalty in any sense. Of course, I could just be reading into this too much.

Otherwise, this is pretty interesting. Beside some plot points that haven't been explained yet, which you have said will be explained later, this is looking pretty good.

Yep, that's where I got the name from.

[Adder]

Here's chapter 3. In it will be explained how the two herds joined together, and why Shorty and Ali come to the Great Valley, it contains some violence.

The whole gang is setting around the fire, and Ali is speaking, "Well, first our heads had met during an earthquake, we apparently both had the same safety spot. Anyway, we decided to join together, Shorty becomes friends with me instanly, but he didn't like Rhett."

Then in a kind of flashback scene, The two herds are scene walking cross a desert, Ali continues, "The place we had been living in, not the Valley of Mists, had became a desert, and we were seeking a new place to live. But on the way to the Great Valley, that's when it happened." A large sharptooth comes running, and Ali's mother yells to the children, "Run! Stay behind the tree!"

The Old One runs up the the sharptooth, and hits it hard with her tail, it collapses, but gets back up again. She hits it it the head twice with her tail, then it lunges for her throat, it bites into her throat, Ali, Shorty and Rhett hear a sickening snap, and the Old One falls to the ground. She dosen't get back up.

Ali continues again, "That's when the sharptooth spotted us, and began to come after us, Rhett went under the tree, and we began to run. It chased up after, atleast until he came to a large chasm, we accidently fell down into the chasm, down something like slide. The sharptooth turned back to the herd, and walked away, even down in the canyon, we could hear someone screaming, and the sharptooth roaring, but we couldn't do anything about it, so we just ran into the darkness of the cave."

Shorty says, "We eventually came to a large cavern, we jumped across the rocks, and other side of the cave was a way out. We went through it, and saw Saurus Rock, we decided to follow trail that goes past it, cause both of us remembered what you told us last time we were hear, follow the trail next to Saurus Rock, and you'll find the Great Valley." Cera interrupts, "Uhh, guys? It's getting late, shouldn't we go home now?"

Littlefoot says, "Cera's right. We should get going." Littlefoot hears a male voice yell, "Cera!" Then another yell, "Littlefoot!" Then two female voices yell, "Ducky! Spike! Petrie!" They all begin to walk out of the cave, and down the hill, then eventually get back to their nests, Ruby, Chomper, Shorty and Ali walk away from Littlefoot, but Ali stops them, and says, "Is it fine I stay with Littlefoot? I haven't seen him in a while, and..." Shorty cuts her off, "Sure." Ali walks back to Littlefoot's nest, and says to Littlefoot, "I'll be spending a few nights with you alright?"




I know it's short. But that's all I can think of, between my current Ice Age fanfictions, Blood Ruby and this, I'm out of ideas for a while.    

[Adder]

Sorry for the long wait. I've done a spellcheck of Chapter 3, and I'll posting that too. The new part will be written in blue. The old part will be written in orange.

The whole gang is setting around the fire, and Ali is speaking, "Well, first our heads had met during an earthquake, we apparently both had the same safety spot. Anyway, we decided to join together, Shorty becomes friends with me instanly, but he didn't like Rhett."

Then in a kind of flashback scene, The two herds are scene walking cross a desert, Ali continues, "The place we had been living in, not the Valley of Mists, had became a desert, and we were seeking a new place to live. But on the way to the Great Valley, that's when it happened." A large sharptooth comes running, and Ali's mother yells to the children, "Run! Stay behind the tree!"

The Old One runs up the the sharptooth, and hits it hard with her tail, it collapses, but gets back up again. She hits it it the head twice with her tail, then it lunges for her throat, it bites into her throat, Ali, Shorty and Rhett hear a sickening snap, and the Old One falls to the ground. She dosen't get back up.

Ali continues again, "That's when the sharptooth spotted us, and began to come after us, Rhett went under the tree, and we began to run. It chased up after, atleast until he came to a large chasm, we accidently fell down into the chasm, down something like slide. The sharptooth turned back to the herd, and walked away, even down in the canyon, we could hear someone screaming, and the sharptooth roaring, but we couldn't do anything about it, so we just ran into the darkness of the cave."

Shorty says, "We eventually came to a large cavern, we jumped across the rocks, and other side of the cave was a way out. We went through it, and saw Saurus Rock, we decided to follow trail that goes past it, cause both of us remembered what you told us last time we were here, follow the trail next to Saurus Rock, and you'll find the Great Valley." Cera interrupts, "Uhh, guys? It's getting late, shouldn't we go home now?"

Littlefoot says, "Cera's right. We should get going." Littlefoot hears a male voice yell, "Cera!" Then another yell, "Littlefoot!" Then two female voices yell, "Ducky! Spike! Petrie!" They all begin to walk out of the cave, and down the hill, then eventually get back to their nests, Ruby, Chomper, Shorty and Ali walk away from Littlefoot, but Ali stops them, and says, "Is it fine I stay with Littlefoot? I haven't seen him in a while, and..." Shorty cuts her off, "Sure." Ali walks back to Littlefoot's nest, and says to Littlefoot, "I'll be spending a few nights with you alright?"

Later that night, Littlefoot is sound asleep, but Ali can be heard whimpering softly. It turns out that she is having a sleep story, Ali and Shorty are being chased by Red-Claw, they come to an edge of a cliff, where Shorty says, "Ali, run! I hold it off!"

Ali responds, "No Shorty! You can't hold off a sharptooth!" He yells, "Go! Run! Go!" Crying, she turns and runs away from Shorty. She stops, sees the sharptooth approaching Shorty, then turns back the other way to run. But she turns around and yells, "NO! Shorty!"

She wakes up screaming, "Shorty!"

Littlefoot wakes up with a tired look on his face and says, "What's wrong Ali?"

She responds, "I just had a bad sleep story where Red-Claw attacks the valley, and Shorty gets killed by him." Littlefoot says, "Don't worry about it, Red-Claw, Screech and Thud can't even get over the Great Wall to harm us. That's why all my friends' families and my own moved in in the first place."

Ali says, "I guess your right, sorry for waking you up."


The next morning, Littlefoot wakes up, and begins to nudge Ali in the side with his head, "Ali, wake up. we have to go meet the gang." She dosen't respond, and he just leaves her there.


At the hill....

Cera asks Littlefoot, "Where's Ali?"

Littlefoot responds, "She's still sleeping, I tried waking her up, but she didn't respond. She must be tired from the bad sleep story she had last night."


Confused, Cera says, "Huh? Bad sleep story?"

Littlefoot repsonds, "Yeah, it was mostly about Red-Claw, Screech and Thud attacking the valley, and Red-Claw kills Shorty in the process, but she woke up before anything else happened in it."