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After the Stone

bushwacked

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This is my first attempt at actually writing a fanfiction. I've always been interested in what happened to Rinkus and Sierra after what happened in the 7th movie, so I thought I'd start with that. This is just for fun, if people like this then I'll try to continue it. Any reviews would be appreciated :yes

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Rinkus groaned and tried to open his eyes. They felt sluggish, unresponsive. After a few moments of trying, he gave up, laid his head back down and focussed on other things. The smell of burning, the soft mass beneath him, the acrid taste of the dust he inhaled with each ragged breath, the dull ringing in his ears. Struggling to piece together what had happened to him, he could only remember a deafening explosion and a blinding flash.

Time passed. Summoning his energy, Rinkus propped himself up on his arms, tilted his head and creaked open his eyelids. It was day, that much was clear, though the dust hanging in the air blocked out most of the sunlight. As his eyes adjusted, Rinkus was able to make out his location - a small ledge on the side of a large mountain. What am I doing here? he thought furiously, his mind clouded by confusion, What happened to me?

Dragging himself forward a few inches, Rinkus staggered to his feet and looked down, inspecting the pain in his right wing. Grimacing, his eyes were drawn to a large gash down the center. He didn't think it was enough to prevent him from ever flying again, but he knew for sure he wouldn't be able to fly the same. Aside from a few other other cuts and bruises, he didn't seem too worse off. Then, from behind, the soft thing he had been lying on coughed and rolled over onto its back.

"How.. bad's the damage?" it moaned, gritting its teeth. Rinkus smiled. Of course an explosion couldn't keep Sierra down. Sierra! Rinkus remembered everything. Kidnapping the swimmer, being persued by the swimmer's friends, and Pterano. The one who'd led them to the so  called Stone of Cold Fire. He left me for dead! Rinkus thought, he eyes narrowing in hatred. He thinks he can get away with it? No. There have to be consequences...

"Well? Am I gonna make it?" Sierra continued, twisting his head to look around at him. Rinkus' eyes fell down to rest on the grey flyer. His skin looked singed, and there was a deep cut running down the side of his face which would probably leave a mark. Would it be easier to just leave him here? Rinkus held his tail in thought. Easier, but unwise. Even wounded, Sierra could still be better than him in a fight. He could still make a good bodyguard.

Rinkus smiled down at Sierra. "You'll be fine," he told him, "First, let's get you up on your feet, yes?"
Sierra knocked his hand away. "I don't need your help!" he snarled. Reaching up the side of the ledge, he sank his talons into a groove and, shakily, pulled himself upright. Gasping for breath, he glared at Rinkus. "What did you do?"
"It wasn't me, you fool! Pterano led us to a lousy piece of rock, then saved his own skin when things got hairy," Rinkus hissed back.

Sierra grinned sourly. "I knew it. I knew he wasn't no leader. We should've done things my way." He paused. "So what're we gonna do now?"
"Look what Pterano did to us! You want to let him get away with it?" Rinkus started, watching as Sierra snarled furiously. "That's what I thought."
"We'll find him. Make him pay..." Sierra scraped his talons down the rock.
Rinkus nodded. He limped towards the edge and peered down. "But first, we have to find a way off this ledge."


Pterano

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Well this is kind of interesting. A fic from Rinkus and Sierra's perspective about the aftermath of the seventh film. :) I think I did notice a few things that could be changed, but overall, this wasn't bad in terms of spelling and grammar. :)

"Focused" is spelled with just one S, and that's in the first paragraph you wrote.

If you're going to use an ellipsis, it's always three periods or "..." and never just two. So it should look like "How... bad's the damage?" when Sierra asks.

Also, a new speaker is always a new paragraph, so you should break up the dialogue with new paragraphs every time the speaker switches from Rinkus to Sierra and vice versa. :yes

Other than those, I didn't see anything that jumped out at me in terms of spelling and grammar. I think giving Rinkus an injury was a good way to grab the reader, as I know many authors before have written about Sierra and Rinkus plotting revenge on Pterano (and why not? It makes sense they would), but this one is unique in that it's taking place right after the seventh movie, so it looks as if they might be going after him following his departure from the Great Valley. Rinkus is of course up to his scheming ways as well, and deciding to keep Sierra around as a bodyguard. XD

It was a pretty good opening, and looking forward to seeing where it goes from here. :yes

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Mama's Girl

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Agreed, an interesting take. I also noticed the jumble of paragraphs but it looks like you tried to seperate them with enter alteast they just were still jumbled which I know has happened with my editing, but I won't harp on you for grammar as you've already heard it.

Yes, I'm interested in reading more too :)


trulyfantasticme

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Really good start my friend. Now you have your readers curious. So Rinkus and Sierra are plotting revenge, hmm? Uh oh. Things don't look good for Pterano.  :blink:

So are you gonna continue this?
Petra is a variant of the Greek name "Petros" meaning "strong" or "rock." Andi is a variant of the Greek name "Andy" meaning "masculine" or "brave." Therefore, I am tremendously brave and strong! :lol


bushwacked

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Thanks for the feedback, guys! I had fun writing this, so I'll definitely continue working on it. Your advice has been taken onboard  :D

Thanks again!


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Ok, here's the next part. Hopefully the paragraph spacing is more appropriate this time :smile

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Rinkus sank slowly to his knees and cautiously peered over the edge, scanning the surface of the mountain below. It was rough - rocks jutted out unevenly and provided handholds for them to use. This dust could be dangerous to breath. We should get out of here as soon as we can. It would be easier to fly, however, rather than climbing...

Standing up, Rinkus backed up a few steps and spread out his arms. Wincing at the pain, he quickly withdrew them. "Can you fly?" he asked, glancing sideways at Sierra.

"Well, I don't feel like riskin' it. How 'bout you?"

Rinkus shot Sierra a withering look. "I suppose you missed this," he retorted, indicating his torn wing. He sighed. "Climbing it is then. You first."

Sierra stared at him. "Climbing. You want us to climb down."

"Yes. Is there a problem?"

"Well... it's kinda high... why don't you go first?"

"Scared of heights, Sierra?"

"No, I'm not scared of heights!" Sierra snapped. "Fine. I'll go first." Grumbling to himself, he approached the edge and tentatively lowered himself over. Pausing, he glared up at Rinkus one final time. "If I die here, I'll kill you."

"Yes, yes," Rinkus replied impatiently, standing back and nursing his wing. "Just hurry up, will you?"

Sierra snorted and gingerly started feeling his way down. Unprotected by the cover the ledge provided, the wind roared past, tearing at his body and threatening to dislodge him. Below him, the mountain seemed to stretch on forever. Normally, this height wouldn't have bothered him. Without the comfort of using his wings however... Sierra breathed heavily and focused his attention on the rock wall in front of his face, reaching down with his foot.

From above, Rinkus watched his progress. Satisfied that the rocks weren't about to collapse beneath him, he started down after Sierra, keeping care not to extend his right arm too far.

After a few minutes, Rinkus looked over his shoulder. "Not far now! Keep going!"

"Easy for you to say!" Sierra yelled back up at him. Suddenly his hand slipped. Talons screeching against rock, he struggled to regain his hold. "Never... doing this... again..." he muttered through gritted teeth, hugging himself closer to the wall.

Soon, Sierra felt the rock face beginning to level out. On his hands and knees, he gently pushed himself down the slope. As he lay on his back gasping for breath, he was joined by Rinkus.

Well, I guess he's still good for something, Rinkus thought. "Good job!" he smiled. Sitting next to Sierra, he grasped his tail thoughtfully. The last he'd seen of Pterano, he'd been flying away with those kids. Which meant he'd most likely been heading towards that swimmers home. He turned to the grey flyer next to him. "You remember the place where Pterano's sister lives?"

"Yeah.. the Great Valley or somethin'. Why?"

Rinkus grinned. "If we want to find him, that's where we have to start looking."

"Oh-ho. And do you know how to get there?"

"Well... no," Rinkus admitted. "I'll find a way." But as he looked ahead, he saw it was easier said than done. In front of them stretched a dense undergrowth of trees and bushes. As they both peered in, something roared in the distance. The ground beneath their feet trembled. "We can't stay here. The noise of the mountain blowing it's top could have attracted sharpteeth. Ones that even you couldn't fight. Especially not now."

"Yeah? Let 'em try." But Sierra still pulled himself to his feet.

 Pointing, Rinkus turned to Sierra. "We have no idea what's in there, so we have to stay quiet. You have to stay quiet, yes?"

Sierra rolled his eyes. "Whatever. But only 'cause moving right now feels like a pack of sharpteeth are rippin' me to pieces already. Stayin' quiet ain't normally my style."

Good enough. Nodding, Rinkus gestured and together they set off carefully towards the dark forest - and whatever lurked inside.


Mama's Girl

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Wow, not in top physical condition and still they're going to try for revenge now. Makes me curious how the confrontation, if they find Pterano, will go.

Of course as of now their only hope is to bump into him as they are heading in the wrong direction since he's been banished from the Great Valley. Curious to see how this turns out :)


LBTDiclonius

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So sorry about not reviewing sooner! But...anyways, I just spotted some grammer in there.

Quote
It was rough - rocks jutted out unevenly and provided handholds for them to use.

* That should be a semi-colon. The reason being is because it's the start of a new sentence, or could be the start of one. See?

It was rough; rocks jutted out unevenly and provided handholds for them to use.

Quote
"Climbing.? You want us to climb down.?"

* Both of these should be question marks since Sierra is asking Rinkus a question and the sentence is answered right after. Or those are meant to be periods, but, only you hold the answer to that one.

Quote
Which meant he'd most likely been heading towards that swimmer*s home.

* An apostrophe should be in there because you're saying that it's the home of the Swimmer, in this case being Ducky, so your saying it's her home. When you're talking about something that belongs to someone, you can always put an apostrophe right before the "S". Example:

Quote
It's Pterano's Beak

Lame example is lame. :p  :DD

Quote
Nodding, Rinkus gestured and together they set off carefully towards the dark forest - and whatever lurked inside.

* Instead of a semi-colon, this time it should be a comma. Because it's not starting a sentence, and after the word" forest", your voice kind of trails of when you say it or you take a breath when you say it, there should be a comma there. Like this:

Nodding, Rinkus gestured and together they set off carefully towards the dark forest, and whatever lurked inside.

Good use of a verb though! :yes

Now, for my readers review.

I find this story to be pretty well-written! Not to mention exciting. I wonder if they're going to find Pterano...hmm...

I'm liking where this is headed. :)


bushwacked

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Thanks again for the reviews so far  :D  Here's the next part, I hope you like it.

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"Argh! These bugs're driving me insane!" Sierra snarled. He swiped an arm through the air and sliced one in half. "Ha!"

"Shut up! Have you forgotten what I told you?!" Rinkus hissed.

Sierra snatched another bug from the air and held it tightly. "What for? The only things we've seen so far are trees, trees and more trees. And these things..." He crushed the bug between his fingers and wiped his hand on a tree trunk they passed.

Rinkus shook his head in frustration. Sierra was right though; on entering the forest they had been met with an oppressive humidity and almost total silence. A couple of hours later, and the only new addition to their journey were the bugs. Large, purple and ugly, they buzzed around the two flyers relentlessly. At least they were keeping Sierra busy.

Glancing at him, Rinkus noticed that the grey flyer seemed more animated, less stiff. Maybe it was just the joy of killing, but he didn't look in as much pain as before. In comparison, his own wound seemed to be worsening. The skin around the tear in his wing felt raw, and he had to reduce all movement made by his right arm.

"You're looking much better," he remarked as they passed into a clearing.

"Yeah? I..." Sierra stopped dead in his tracks.

Rinkus nearly collided into the back of him. "What's the ma..." He froze when he saw what Sierra was looking at.

Directly in their path, facing away from them, stood a huge sharptooth. It was bent over a motionless threehorn on the floor, and every so often the sharptooth shook it's body, accompanied by a tearing sound. It's grey skin was specked with blood. Fully engrossed in it's meal, the sharptooth hadn't noticed the two flyers who were now backing away slowly.

Rinkus tapped Sierra lightly on the shoulder and motioned to go around. Just as they were about to reach the safety of the treeline, one of the purple bugs flew straight into Sierra's eye. "ARGH!" he cried out, slapping his face to ward it off.

Rinkus' breath caught in his throat, and both flyers looked back slowly. It's face still buried in the threehorn, the sharptooth froze. Then, pulling it's head free, it started to turn around. Too terrified to make a sound, Rinkus and Sierra dove behind the tree closest to them, and, not daring to breath, strained to hear any indication of whether the sharptooth had seen them.

For several seconds there was not a sound. Then the ground started to tremble as the sharptooth began to move. The vibrations increased. It was coming towards them.

Rinkus struggled not to panic. "We have to.." he started, turning to face Sierra. But the flyer had already squeezed himself under the trunk of a fallen tree. Cursing under his breath, Rinkus scurried after him and jammed himself under as well. The trunk was just large enough to provide cover for the both of them - but Rinkus' tail still trailed out from beneath it. With a gasp, he had just enough time to pull it in before the sharptooth stepped around the tree they had been hiding behind only moments before. From his line of sight, Rinkus couldn't see it's upper body, but as it bent down he could notice that one of the claws on his hand was a dirty red. It sniffed the air, and then, with heavy, deliberate steps,approached the log they were cowering under.

Rinkus and Sierra began pushing against each other in a bid to be the closest to the center. They froze when a shadow fell on either side of them. The log started to creak and bend in the middle, compressing them against the ground, as the sharptooth leaned against it with a foot. It's breaths, amplified by the wood pressed to Rinkus' ear, reverberated in his head. Unable to move an inch, he could only listen as it drew closer to them, could only feel the weight of the log crushing him with greater and greater force...

Suddenly the pressure alleviated. The sharptooth, apparently losing interest, gave a final snort and stomped away, carrying with it the stink of death and it's own putrid breath. Only when its footsteps could no longer be heard did the flyers move. "Maybe you should take a look. See if the coast is clear," Rinkus suggested.

"Are you kiddin'? You take a look!" Neither moved.

A few minutes later, Sierra grunted. "He should be gone by now."

"Oh yes? How do you know? Maybe he's just waiting for us to come out."

"You tell me..." Sierra grinned toothily and, using his foot, pushed Rinkus out.

Rinkus yelped as he emerged but, as he looked around in panic, he could see there was no immediate threat. "You fool! You could have killed me!" he spat angrily.

"Relax. You're not dead yet are you?" Sierra retorted as he dragged himself out.

Rinkus started to reply when he heard the crackling of leaves behind him. "Hey... what were you guys doing under there?" someone said in a low voice behind them.


trulyfantasticme

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Hey there! Sorry I forgot to leave feedback. I just read this to Jared and mkelji last night, they said it was pretty good.

So any way, I liked this chapter. Very good cliffhanger and excellent suspense with the sharptooth encounter and all. I liked that. Had my heart pounding there...

You're a very good writer. Keep up the good work.  :wave
Petra is a variant of the Greek name "Petros" meaning "strong" or "rock." Andi is a variant of the Greek name "Andy" meaning "masculine" or "brave." Therefore, I am tremendously brave and strong! :lol


bushwacked

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Thanks trulyfantasticme! As long as it entertains, I'm happy :)

There won't be any updates on this for about a week since I'm going away, but I'll have the next part ready for when I come back.


bushwacked

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Ok, here's part four. This one might be slightly shorter because I have a lot going on right now, but it should be back to normal next time. As always, reviews are appreciated :)

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Suprised by the voice, Rinkus and Sierra turned quickly to see who had spoken. Behind them stood a young domehead. He had dark green skin with a long grey stripe stretching from his shoulder blade to the tip of his tail. The horns across the crown of his head were small but, unusually for a domehead, appeared extremely sharp. At almost twice Sierra's height, he looked down at the two flyers with a bemused expression. His grey eyes were underlined by dark bags. It looked like he hadn't slept for quite some time.

"Oh. Were you two doing something... private?" he continued, in a low voice which had a slight rasp to it.

"What?! No!" Sierra growled, turning slightly red in the face.

"It's not like that," Rinkus said, narrowing his eyes, "We were hiding."

"From what?"

"What do you think?" Sierra spat, "A sharptooth! Biggest one I've ever seen..."

The domehead's eyes widened. "A sharptooth?" he asked urgently, "Did it have anything unsual about it? It's face? Claws?"

Rinkus thought back. "I didn't see its face, but one of its claws was red, yes. Why?"

Without a word, the domehead span around and started to head for the trees.

"Why?" Rinkus called again, "Do you know it?"

The domehead paused then looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, I know it. That's why I'm heading to the one place it can't get me." He glanced at the two of them. "And if you guys know what's good for you, you'll get out of here as soon as you can too."

The one place it can't get him? Rinkus grinned. "You wouldn't be heading to the Great Valley, would you?"

"Yeah! You know about it as well?"

Sierra bared his teeth and stretched out his claws. "You better tell us where it is or I'll -"

Rinkus held him back with his good arm. This is too good to be true... "Excuse my friend here. He's just anxious to see his family again. You see, we actually live at the Great Valley. But we were injured while looking for food and now we can't find our way back..." He looked indearingly up at the domehead. "Could you help us?"

The young dinosaur narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Sierra. "I dunno..."

Rinkus clasped his tail. "Oh! You don't think you can just walk in and expect them to take you? You need someone to put in a good word for you." He stepped closer. "We can do that, if you help us find our way home."

The domehead stared. "Really? My father didn't... I wasn't told about that." He sighed. "Fine. You two'll slow me down, but I'll help. And at least I won't be alone again."

Rinkus did his best impersonation of a friendly smile. "Well, thanks very much! Oh, I almost forgot. I'm Rinkus and this is Sierra."

"Pachy. That's gonna make you sick if we don't take care of it," he replied, indicating Rinkus' torn wing. Lowering himself on his haunches, Pachy continued; "I know flyers aren't the best at walking. Climb on while I look for what we need."

Rinkus hopped onto his back, using his tail as a step. Sierra just folded his arms and stared up at him. "I'm fine walkin'," he declared bluntly.

Pachy shrugged as he rose to his full height. "Suit yourself. Let's see if you can keep up then, old man."

"Old man?!" Sierra spluttered, "You little..." He continued to mutter bitterly under his breath as he limped after them into the undergrowth.

The sun was starting to lower in the sky, and dark shadows were being cast by the trees. In one of these shadows across the clearing two figures hunched, watching the trio leave. As soon as they had disappeared into the treeline, the two shapes hissed at each other excitedly then dashed off through the bushes, in the same direction the huge sharptooth had headed.


bushwacked

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"Hmn... this isn't it either..." Pachy said to himself as he scoured amongst the trees. Half an hour had passed, and the sun has sunk so low in the sky that almost everything was drenched in darkness. For the two flyers, seeing anything was virtually impossible but the domehead seemed to be coping well, cutting through the trees and bushes with quick, light and precise movement. Not too long after they had set off, Sierra had begun to lag behind and was forced to perform a sort of hobbling run to keep up. Eventually, with a frustrated cry, he had clambered onto Pachy and now sat facing determinedly backward, ignoring the snickers and teasing coming from Rinkus.

Pachy stopped suddenly. "Ah, I think this is it. This can help both of you." In front of them loomed a large tree, with long, straight leaves hanging off the ends of its gnarled branches, far above their heads. Moving around the tree to the lowest cluster of leaves, Pachy smiled grimly. This wouldn't have been a problem for my parents, but... you two need to help me here."

Rinkus looked up at the leaves apprehensively. "What do you need us to do?" he asked.

"Well, if I stand up, one of you could stand on my head and give a lift up to the other. Then grab those leaves and we'll be in business. Just a few'll be enough."

Rinkus and Sierra looked at each other disdainfully. After a few moments, Sierra spoke up. "Is this really gonna make my skin stop feelin' like it's about to fall off?"

Pachy nodded. "Yeah. At least, I think so." He reared up and leaned against the tree. "C'mon. You guys ready?"

Sierra snorted heavily and clambered higher. "Outta the way!" he said, viciously shoving Rinkus aside and almost causing him to topple off. Standing on Pachy's head, he bent down and cupped his hands. "Hurry up, Rinkus. I ain't got all night."

Rinkus approached him and put a foot in his hands unsteadily. "Don't drop me."

"Don't tempt me..."

"Could you two quit arguing like a old threehorn couple and get it done?" Pachy said from below.

Sierra grunted as he heaved Rinkus up slowly. "Hey, you ever thought about eatin' less? Maybe then stuff like this wouldn't break my back..."

"This isn't a party for me either!" Rinkus hissed back. "Your claws're digging into my foot." He glanced up and saw the leaves were within his reach. He stretched out his left arm. "Almost got them..." With the tip of his claws, he was just able to grasp a cluster of the leaves and pull them off the branch. "Okay, lower me down. Slowly!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever..." Sierra muttered. But as he began to bend down again, he started to tilt over to the side. With a dispairing groan, he tumbled over and landed heavily on his back - then wooshed out a lungful of air as Rinkus landed on his stomach.

Rinkus crawled off Sierra and dusted himself off. Then he held up the leaves to Pachy. "Here. Take them. What now?"

"Shouldn't we see if Sierra is alright?" Pachy asked, looking down in concern at the grey flyer, who continued to lie on his back, holding his stomach and groaning.

"No, he'll be okay. I've landed on him before. See? He's getting up already. Ow!" Rinkus yelped as Sierra smacked him over the back of the head.

"Those had better work after that..." Sierra gasped, hands on his knees.

"Uh... yeah. Let's sort you out first," Pachy said to Sierra. Taking one of the leaves, he crushed his in his hand. When he opened his fist again, the broken leaf was coated in a runny liquid. Tranferring the pulpy mess to Sierra's hand, he said; "Rub that over yourself, then leave it for tonight. You should feel better in the morning." Pachy turned to Rinkus. "I'll have to improvise with you. Hang on." Lowering his neck, he swung his head at the tree bark and embedded his horns in it. When he shook them free, thick sap began to flow from the new holes. Taking the remaining two leaves, he bent them vertically to free the liquid without breaking them in half, then smeared the sap on their outer edges. Bending down to Rinkus' height, Pachy stuck one leaf over one side of the wound, and the second leaf over the other side, to make a form of bandage. "You'll probably need to leave that on for longer. How does it feel?"

Rinkus held out his wing. The burning sensation had almost immediately faded to a dull throbbing. He looked up at the domehead. "Feels a lot better, actually. Thanks." Rinkus was suprised to find that the smile he gave wasn't acted.

"No problem. I couldn't just let you two walk around like that." He looked around. "It's too dark to keep moving. We should stay here until the bright circle comes up again." By now, their only source of light was the moon, which gave a dull, ghostly glow to the ground it was able to reach through the thick trees.

"Yeah, well," Sierra said as he finished coating himself in the paste, "I could keep going. But if you two wusses are too tired..." He sat down with his back against the tree trunk.

"Sierra, could you try and keep quiet tonight?" Rinkus asked as he sat on a protruding tree root.

"Huh? What're you..." Sierra's voice trailed off. Then he started to snore, heavy and rumbling.

Rinkus tutted irritably. "Good luck trying to get to sleep now, Pachy." He looked across at the domeheadm and saw that, though he was lying down, he kept darting his head around at every noise in the distance. His hands shook uncontrollably. "Why're you out here alone?" Rinkus asked curiously. "You look like you can cope by yourslef, but even so..."

"I didn't start off alone. I had... it doesn't matter now. I don't want to talk about it," Pachy replied in a voice so low it seemed as though he was talking to himself. Then he let out a trembling breath. "No. I do want to talk about it. I feel like I'm going crazy."

"Go on..." Rinkus said, leaning forward with interest.

Pachy looked at him, sighed, then started to tell his story.


trulyfantasticme

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Oh! so sorry, I didnt get to the last chapter. Must be my laziness kicking in.  :lol

Well anywayz, good chapter, as usual. :rolleyes:  :lol I'm working on my final chapter now.
Petra is a variant of the Greek name "Petros" meaning "strong" or "rock." Andi is a variant of the Greek name "Andy" meaning "masculine" or "brave." Therefore, I am tremendously brave and strong! :lol


vonboy

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Sorry I haven't given you my thoughts on this story yet. Anyway...

I'm really enjoying it so far. I like how it is developing so far, with the two flyers are working together, but you don't know for how long. Looks like Rinkus will stab Sierra in the back whenever he gets the chance. You're building this up to all come crashing down at some point, and I can't wait for that!

I loved the chapter with the sharptooth. It just had a cool feel to me, what with the two of them trying to one-up each other to have the best chance of surviving. Nice little bit of gore with the sharptooth already feasting on something. I like little touches like that, as you'd never see something like that in the movies, and it just reminds you of how dangerous it really is in the Beyond.

And Pachy is a pretty interesting OC too. I wanna hear his backstory.

Keep this up Bush! I'd really like to see where this story goes.
Come check out my new Youtube gaming channel, Game Biter!
---------------------
Littlefoot: "Look, Chomper. You're uncle is dead, and it's just right for your friends to be there for you. You'd be there if someone we know died, right?"

Chomper: "Well, sure I would!"

Come give my LBT TV Series fanfiction, PAST-O-RAMA, a read!
---------------------
(Runner-Up)


Petrie85

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Nice work on this story you made so far. I really liked it a lot. Great job.


bushwacked

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Ok, next chapter. I've been really busy lately, so this one took a while to write.

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6 days earlier

"Hey, Pachy, wait up!" said a high, desperate voice. "You're going too fast!"

Pachy smiled patiently at his younger brother and slowed his pace. Only just reaching his waist, he knew Tuska's shorter legs and smaller build wouldn't be as efficient at climbing as he was. Nonetheless, he had agreed to take Tuska with him up the slope they were currently ascending. Steep, narrow and unforgiving, it wound it's way around the side of a grey, stoney mountain. At the top, their prize lay in wait; a group of bushes from which grew red fruit. Pachy's father called them Plant Sweets, but all that mattered to Pachy was that they were delicious and well worth the effort.

"Get a move on, squirt, or you'll be carrying all the tree sweets back down to Mom and Dad," he teased.

"Oh come on, that's not fair!" Tuska complained.

"Then I guess you'd better hurry up. It's not much further 'til we reach the top." Excerting his brother wasn't just for his personal amusement. Their father took pride in the fact that his family was independant from other herds. There was a time, he would tell Pachy and Tuska, when Domehead families lives independantly, free. In recent years, however, many had decided to join other groups and live as a pack. On one occasion when he'd been talking with the children of a passing herd, a female longneck had told him excitedly about a place called the Great Valley, where she herself had a group of close friends. When he'd asked her where it could be found, she'd replied that he should follow the path of the bright circle; that was how she always found her way there. Pachy father had snorted when he'd told him about it, claiming they could survive far better on their own. Personally, Pachy didn't see the trouble in mixing with other species, but he wouldn't have said so out loud.

Surviving was what his parents had taught him to do, ever since he could remember. His parents seemed to know everything; which plants were poisonous, which were safe to eat, the areas too dangerous to pass through. Even now, after 16 cold times he knew he still had a lot to learn from them. He had a lot to teach too; Since Tuska had been born, he'd been expected to help teach him. It was one of those lessons he was giving Tuska now - where to find Plant Sweets. They always grew high up, and gave off a strong, sugary smell which could easily help you locate them.

"Okay, how about this - we'll have a race to the top. If you find the Plant Sweets before me, you can eat the first two straight away and I'll carry the rest back down. Deal?"

Tuska grinned. "Fine, but don't cry when you end up losing." Turning, he started sprinting as fast as he could uphill.

Pachy let him go ahead for a while, then he started running as well. In just a few strides, he was able to overtake Tuska. Laughing at the expression of suprise on his brothers face, he rounded the bend, sending pebbles plummeting off the sheer face of the mountain. Levelling off, the pathway led to a broad ledge around which numerous bushes grew. Pachy stopped and waited for his brother, and when Tuska eventually made it up he put on an expression of mock confusion. "Hmn... I wonder where the Plant Sweets are?" Tuska said nothing, but concentration was etched onto his face as he looked around. Still gazing around innocently, Pachy snaked his tail around the light green bush containing their goal and tugged it slightly, drawing Tuska's attention to it.

"Hey, I found them!" Tuska ducked under his older brother and knocked some of the fruit to the ground triumphantly.

"Nice job," Pachy smiled. "I said you can have two, but save the others. They aren't easy to find, and I'm sure Mom and Dad want some."

"I know, I know. Eat only what you need, save the rest. I've been told that a hundred times before," Tuska said between mouthfuls. Then he looked up. "Thanks for helping me. I like having you as a brother."

Still smiling, Pachy bent down and pulled the remaining 5 Plant Sweets from the bush. "Yeah, well, somebody's got to stop you being totally useless." Leaning over, he butted Tuska affectionately with his head. "C'mon. Mom and Dad'll start worrying soon."

When they reached the bottom of the mountain, the grey clouds hanging overhead started to release a light drizzle. Looking around, Pachy spotted his parents taking cover in an alcove set against on of the mountains surrounding them. They looked as though they were engaged in a serious conversation. Beckoning his brother, Pachy loped forward to join them. "Tuska found the fruit. All on his own, too. Mostly." He dropped them on the ground in front of him.

"Yep! I even beat Pachy when he was trying to find them." Tuska shook his body to dry himself and looked at his parents expectantly, seeking appraisal.

"Oh... that's good..." Thier mother seemed distracted.

"Is something wrong?" Pachy asked, glancing from his mother to his father.

Thier father crossed his arms irritably. "No. There's nothing wrong." With the same raspy voice and skin colour, Pachy's father, Pacha, was almost identical to him, except in size and personality. Tuska, however, more resembled his mother, Suuna, with light grey colouring and a softer, more reserved voice.

She was usually very tolerant of Pacha's cocky attitude. Now she just sighed and rolled her eyes in exasberation. "It looks like Mr. All - Knowing over here can't find the way out. If you're lost, Pacha, we should just retrace our footsteps. We can always just go around."

"I've told you before, we're not lost! It's just taking me a little longer to find the way out than I thought." For almost an entire day, they'd been passing through a narrow network running between the mountains towering over either side of them. Every so often, the path would fork off in several directions, sometimes offering them as many as three different routes to take. They all looked identical. After wandering around all this time, after meeting all those dead ends, it was impossible to deny it; they were lost in a maze. But Pacha's pride wouldn't let him turn back. Pachy realised that his parents had probably sent him and his brother away to find the Tree Sweets so they wouldn't be seen arguing.

Suuna sighed again. "Pacha, listen. There's no shame in being wrong once in a while." She took a step out of the shelter into the rain and indicated with her tail. "Look, if we go back the way we came, we should be okay."

That was when the first fast biter landed on her.

It came from nowhere. Dropping without a sound into their field of vision from outside the alcove it fell heavily onto Suuna, latching onto her upper back. Gasping, she was thrown onto her front from the unexpected force of it's weight. Still inside, the three domeheads stared in shock at the attacker. At its grimy blue skin, its yellow eyes narrowed in hunger. Then the fast biter fixed its sight on Suuna's neck and opened its jaws wide, revealing rows of razor sharp teeth. There was no time to say anything. Pacha lowered his head and charged. Sensing movement, the fast biter paused and tilted its head. His eyes widened and he tried to dive out of the way as Pacha came bearing down like a missile.

Too late. Still running at full speed, Pacha lauched himself into the air, out of the cave and ploughed into the side of the fast biter. Carried by the momentum, it remained glued to the crown of Pacha's head until they landed. Then it carried on, flying across and striking the rock wall on the other side with a crack. The fast biter hissed in pain as it slid back down, then it looked up and stared at Pacha, face twisting in an expression of hatred. Pacha lowered his stance, bracing himself for another attack.

"Dad!" Pacha heard his elder son scream from inside the cave. He turned, vision blurred by rain in his eyes. A gaping jaw full of pointed, cruel teeth loomed into focus, just inches from his face. Pacha ducked his head quickly, heard the snap as this new attacker just missed its bite. Then he arched up, catching it in its middle and catapulting it over his head. Pacha looked over his shoulder to follow the aggressor's journey. It was another fast biter. Green skinned and with ugly orange eyes, it twisted nimbly in midair and landed on its feet, skidding to a halt next to the blue fast biter. Blood pounding in his ears, Pacha watched the two of them. The pair looked at each other and then started to back away. Still staring at them, not daring to blink, Pacha called behind him. "Pachy, Tuska! Come out here and stay right behind me." He lowered his voice. "Suuna, are you okay?"

She stood shakily and ushered Pachy and Tuska next to her. "I'm fine. What... what do we do?"

"Back away. Slowly. Don't take your eyes off them for a second."

"Pachy didn't think he would have been able to look away if he'd wanted to. The two fast biters continued to observe them, expressionless, not moving a muscle. The only sound were the rain pattering on the ground and Tuska shaking in terror next to him. "Dad... why aren't they attacking us?" he whispered.

"I don't know," Pacha replied under his breath, continuing to edge his family away. "Just keep moving."

The pair of fast biters turned to each other again, exchanging a knowing look. Then they turned slowly back. Pachy's heart skipped a beat. Was it his imagination, or were they smiling, their lips streched over their teeth in a grotesque imitation of joy? The blue fast biter tilted its head back and screeched loudly. They sound pierced through the air, causing Pachy to flinch and Tuska to gasp out loud. "They're trying to panick us!" Pacha started. "Don't..." He was interupted by the loudest roar Pachy had ever heard in his life. Long and gutteral, it seemed to come from everywhere at once, reverberating through the air and causing the ground at their feet to vibrate.

Then it stopped abruptly. His ears ringing, Pachy forgot his father's instructions and arched around, desperately trying to find where it had originated from. Nothing. Some pebbles landed on the floor next to Suuna. Instinctively, they domehead family looked up, and found themselves staring up into the  bloodshot eyes of the largest sharptooth they had ever seen. With grey skin and a blood red claw, it was perched high above on a ledge, glaring down at them, apparently enjoying the terror he was causing. Each time he breathed out, a rotton, pungeant smell washed over them.

It seemed they'd been staring up at the sharptooth for an eternity. One of the fast biters made a low hissing noise, which could almost have passed for a snigger. "It was a trap..." Pacha muttered, his eyes flicking from the sharptooth to the fast biters. "Tuska, climb on Pachy's back. We're going to have to run." Still trembling, Tuska clambered onto his brother and clung on tightly round his neck. Suuna braced himself. Pacha took a deep breath. "RUN!"

The tense silence was broken. The blue fast biter let out another piercing screech, then looked up at the sharptooth. Despite himself, even as he turned to run, Pachy followed the fast biter's gaze. The sharptooth crouched down. No way... Pachy thought. It's too high. There's no way it can... It did. Launching itself in the air, it leapt off the ledge it was resting on and plummeted down. To Pachy, it almost looked as if it was traveling in slow motion. Then the sharptooth slammed to the ground in front of the fast biters. the ground trembled violently enough to bring Pachy to his knees and almost knocking Tuska from his back. "What are you waiting for? Run!" Tuska screamed. Tearing his eyes from the monsters behind him, Pachy scrambled to his feet and took off after his parents. The huge sharptooth watched them flee, growling under his breath. Then he threw his body forward, giving chase, the fast biters on either side.

There was nowhere to hide. Mountains reared up to their left and right, funneling them along, too steep to escape up. The path wound to the side, and then in front of them it split in two directions. A thought passed through Pachy's terrified mind; one wrong turn could lead them to a dead end. Pacha lead them blindly to the left. "Keep running!" he yelled. "Nothing that big can keep up with us!" Pachy looked back over his shoulder, and his eyes widened. The sharptooth was keeping up with them. More than that, it was catching up, sprinting after them. Then he turned back, and his heart sank. A rock slide had blocked the way ahead of them. They were trapped.

"There! Look!" Tuska pointed over to the side. There was a crack in the mountain, leading further in. There was room for Tuska, and just enough for Pachy, but there was no way Pacha and Suuna could fit.

Pacha saw it and slowed his pace. "Suuna, get them to it."

She started to stop. "What're you..."

"Just do it!" He turned to face the carnivores bearing down. "I'll hold them back."

"Dad..." Pachy started.

His father smiled sadly. "It's okay. It'll catch up with you. Go on." Pachy swallowed hard and followed his mother, leaving his father alone. The sharptooth focussed his attention on the lone domehead staring at him. He brought his head down as he ran and opened his jaws, fully anticipating the satisfying crunch when he would bring them together and end the domehead's life. The fast biters held back, knowing they would get the scraps. An easy meal.

Though every fibre of his being told him to run, Pacha held his ground. He waited till the sharptooth was close enough to look into his cruel eyes, to smell his dead breath. Then he feigned left and jumped right, leaping to the side of the sharptooth's face.The horn on the end of his nose snagged in its skin. As the sharptooth's momentum carried it forward, Pacha's horn continued to cut, slicing deeply along its face and down its body. The sharptooth skidded to a halt, whirled around and roared in pain. Pacha landed and turned around shakily, suddenly feeling exhausted. It shook its head and looked at him with an expression of pure rage. Pacha noticed with some satifaction that the sharptotth's eye had turned blood red, and that the cut looked deep enough to leave a mark. Suddenly it charged again. Caught off guard, Pacha attempted the same dodge. But this time, the sharptooth expected it. Bending to the side, it caught Pacha in midair and brought its jaws together in a crushing bite. Pacha gasped for breath, then his eyes closed as life left him. The sharptooth hung on for a few seconds more, then tossed his body to the side. Then it looked up to see the other large domehead crouching next to a crack in the cave.

"Pachy, take your brother and get out of here," Suuna said, pushing her two sons through the gap. Tears streamed down her face.

"Mom, come on, you can fit in as well..." Tuska said desperately.

"No, I can't." She looked at Pachy. "Promise me you'll keep him safe."

Pachy nodded, trying to keep from crying. "I promise - " There was a roar from outside, and Suuna was suddenly dragged out of sight without another word. Pachy and Tuska started in shock at the empty space. There was deafening silence. Then it was broken by a clacking sound coming steadily closer. "Mom..." Pachy whispered. Something moved outside, stopping at the entrance and blocking out any light. Pachy squinted in the sudden darkness. There was a scrambling sound, and something hissed. Pachy's blood ran cold. It was the fast biters. They were following them in. Pachy turned awkwardly in the cramped, narrow space and pushed Tuska forward. "Keep going!" he whispered urgently. Tuska gulped audibly and obeyed him, feeling his way forward blindly. Pachy followed right behind him. He could hear a scraping sound as the fast biters pushed themselves through the passageway, persuing them mercilessly. He was all too aware of his tail trailing behind him, and at any second he expected to feel sharp teeth seizing it and pulling him back. Then Pachy became aware of another sound, low and rumbling. He realised it was the sound of running water. A way to escape.

All of a sudden, the narrow space widened so he couldn't feel the sides any more. Tuska stopped uncertainly and Pachy bumped into him. In this larger, cavernous space, the noise of the running water echoed, making it impossible to tell where it was coming from. Pachy bent down, grabbed his brothers hand and pulled him over to the side, edging his way slowly. They were blind here in the total black, but that worked both ways - the fast biters couldn't see them either. If they moved as quietly as they could around the edge of the cavern, they could find it and use it to escape. Though he listened as hard as he could, Pachy couldn't hear any sign of the fast biters. He didn't dare hope that they had given up and left. Suddenly, Tuska squeaked loudly. "Pachy, something splashed me! There's water nearby!" His voice carried loudly in the darkness.

Pachy winced. "Be quiet Tuska!" he hissed. "We have to - " His voice was cut off by a sudden, cutting screech next to them. He heard Tuska shriek, then felt Tuska's grip on his hand torn away. At that moment, Pachy lost all reason. "Tuska!" he screamed, "Tus - " Something slammed into him from the side. Pachy yelled as he felt it gripping him, heard teeth snapping madly. He thrashed around, twirling in the dark as he tried to throw his attacker off him. All of a sudden, the ground dissappeared from beneath his feet, and Pachy felt himself fall into nothing. The sound of roaring water increased, then he struck it at full force. He was stunned by the sudden icy cold, and started to panick as he felt himself being dragged along by the current. Completely dissorientated, he couldn't tell which way was up, which was down. Then his head broke the surface and he gasped a lungful of air. Still coughing, he let the water carry him along. Then the speed increased as the river dropped steeply. Bright light hit his eyes, blinding him, and he felt the support of the water give way. As Pachy fell, he was just able to process the fact that he'd fallen froma waterfall leading out of a cliff on the other side of the mountain. Then he hit water, and all of the air was forced out of him. Struggling, trying not to drown, he flailed his arms weakly and felt his hands hit rock. Gripping on tightly, he dragged himself up and onto dry land, using his tail as support. Blinking, Pachy looked around and saw he was lying on the bank of another river continuing from the waterfall. He was lucky - it was a long way to fall, and if he'd overshot he would have crushed himself on the ground. As he struggled to breath again, images of his family flashed in front of him. He choked back tears and didn't register the dark forest stretching behind him.

The two fast biters stared up nervously at the sharptooth as he ground his enormous teeth in rage. They knew it wasn't a good idea to make him angry. Initially, the sharptooth had seriously considered eating the two of them. He didn't like to let anyone escape, and the fast biters had let him down. Then he'd realised they could still come in useful. His hatred wasn't reserved solely for the domehead who had injured him, something nobody else had ever done before. He needed to wipe out everyone connected to him, including any who had escaped.

And the fast biters were good trackers.


bushwacked

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Any reviews would be appreciated ( and helpful )  :)


vonboy

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Okay, really liked this chapter. It was kind of heard to get through it, as I was getting kind of emotional. (Sometimes I'll stop reading something for a bit if it's emotional. Can't take too much at once.) That's a really good thing though, as it means this chapter was well put together.

The characters introduced in this chapter were well fleshed out in such a short time. You got to know their personalities, their relationships with each other, and the hardships they were having to go through. The conflict between the husband and wife fit well, and really added on to this as well. If you can make the reader really feel it when characters die, you've done your job right!

I think quite a lot of fictions involve Redclaw's backstory, but that's to be expected, as his backstory is such a blank slate, and writers can take that in any direction they want. (I've got ideas for that myself ;) ) The action was well written; not getting too gory, but still showing how sour everything suddenly turned. It seemed different from the action in previous chapters. It was much darker.

This chapter seemed pretty different from the previous ones, but overall it's a really good on I think. I can't really think of anything to criticize here.
Come check out my new Youtube gaming channel, Game Biter!
---------------------
Littlefoot: "Look, Chomper. You're uncle is dead, and it's just right for your friends to be there for you. You'd be there if someone we know died, right?"

Chomper: "Well, sure I would!"

Come give my LBT TV Series fanfiction, PAST-O-RAMA, a read!
---------------------
(Runner-Up)


bushwacked

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Sorry for the really, really long gap between the last update and now. Been really busy with starting university, but hopefully now I'll be able to update it more regularly.

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"For a few days I just wandered around, trying to get as far away from that... thing as possible. Then I remembered about the Great Valley, and it seemed like the best choice. Maybe I'm just paranoid, or crazy, but I've got this feeling that sharptooth's still coming after me." Pachy shuddered slightly, his movement causing a small cloud of dust to be sent into the air and blown away by the breeze. He looked up. "Then I met you two. And here we are."

Rinkus shifted his sitting position, trying to get more comfortable, and twisted the end of his tail aorund his claw. I could almost feel sorry for this kid. He started to speak, but Sierra let out a particularly loud snore. Rinkus' eyes narrowed in annoyance, and he jabbed Sierra in the side. "Shut up!"

Sierra groaned and rolled over onto his other side. "I'm sorry I've been bad, Mom... don't hit me again..." he moaned. Then he resumed snoring.

"At least you were able to get away," Rinkus continued. "That's the main point."

"But Tuska didn't get away. I promised I'd keep him safe, but I couldn't even do that. It should have been me."

"Eh?"

"I should have been the one who died. If only one of us was coming out of that cave, I should have made sure it was him. Don't you think so?"

"Well..." Rinkus' brow creased in confusion. The thought of dying to save someone else was a new one for him. The most important person is yourself, and anyone else is just an after thought. That's how the world works. Isn't it?

"No, you don't need to answer that. I'm sorry. I know there wasn't anything else I could've done... but I still feel bad." Pachy smiled sadly, bitterly. "You know, until I met you two, I didn't honestly think I was gonna make it. But for some reason, with you guys, I feel like I might stand a chance."

Rinkus noticed that Pachy's trembling seemed to have subsided a little. "I'll make sure you get to the Great Valley. Don't worry." He smiled slightly at Pachy then realised that, again, the expression wasn't forced. He started to twist his tail in his hands distractedly. Was this what an actual friendship felt like? It wasn't a feeling he was used to - in fact it made him feel sick and gave him a headache. "Look, it's getting really late. If we want to get an early start tommorow we should get some rest, yes?"

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks for everything." Pachy laid his head on the ground. "Goodnight."

Rinkus mumbled a reply, then lowered himself down, facing away from Pachy and Sierra. Lost in thought, it took him a while to fall asleep.

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"Hey, you! Wake up!"

Rinkus groaned and cracked open an eye. At first, all he could see was white. Then he realised it was a thick mist, enveloping them, drifting through the forest as if it was on a journey of its own.

"For the last time, get up! I ain't gonna tell you again." Rinkus felt a slap to the side of his face. Yelping, he rolled over to see Sierra looming over him, arms crossed. "Good. You're up. Look at this." Stepping back, Sierra spread his wings and pushed himself off the ground. Flapping to keep himself airborne, he sneered down at Rinkus. "I don't know what that kid gave me, but it sure worked! I'm still sore but 'least I can fly. How 'bout you?"

Standing, Rinkus spread out his wing to inspect it. There wasn't any pain, instead it just felt numb. He tested it by moving it up and down. The leaves stuck fast over the cut and stopped any air from escaping through it.

"So? Can you fly?"

"It looks like I can..."

"Good. So let's get outta here while the kid's still asleep so he won't try and stop us."

Rinkus swallowed hard. "What?"

"What d'ya mean, what? We don't need him anymore. He just slow us down. And he gets on my nerves. So, let's go."

Rinkus' gut tightened as he remembered what  Pachy has said the previous night. He looked from the sleeping Pachy, curled up on the floor, to the hovering Sierra, shrouded in fog like the angel of death, and tried to decide what to do.