I have been chatting online for years. In my travels, I have learned a great many things about how to handle myself in a chat window with people. No things in this thread were read somewhere by me or were told to me. All of these things are my personal observations from dealing with situations firsthand. I’m not a chatting wizard, but I have broken down some situations. Socializing is a science. Heh, there’s even a college class called Social Science. There are many tricks of the trade, and the ones I’ve learned I am here now to share with you. From actual testing, I can verify that this tips work at least under most circumstances.
Correcting someone- First of all, if the mistake isn’t a big deal, I would avoid correcting people at all in chats. It generally adds a bit of tension in the person being corrected, making the air a bit heavy, even though the person who corrected may not even notice. I mean, it is extremely rare to find a person who jumps for joy at being told he or she is wrong. Now, if you feel it is important for the person to know that he or she made a mistake, it is important that you do something to remove any possible tension that the person may feel. There are a number of choices to choose from:
1. Tell a joke. Making the person laugh is a good way to get him or her to relax from any possible tension.
2. Counterbalance it with a compliment, By making someone feel smaller from being corrected, you can build the person back up by pointing out one of his or her strong points.
3. Talk about something you know the person is very interested in. This is a very pleasant way to change the subject, making the person forget about his or her mistake as the person starts getting involved in the topic he or she likes.
4. Ask a question. You see, by correcting someone, you just shows that you know something the person did not, or at least, that you know something better than the other person. By asking a question of your own, you are expressing a weakness too, a lapse of knowledge. By having the other person teach you something, you two become “even.”
There are likely other ways to smooth over a correction, but I find these four to be the best choices.
Sharing troubles- Everyone does this at one time or another. When you chat with someone, you are very likely to hear a problem or complaint from the person you are chatting with. Now, probably the worst thing you can do is bring up your own troubles. When someone is grieving, he or she doesn’t need your troubles added to his or her plate. Let’s just say I am chatting with Saft, and she says, “Michael, it was horrible. These girls were picking on me at the university and I didn’t know what to do.” Then I say, “I’m sorry to hear that. My math teacher was picking on me, I just know it, and I was very embarrassed in class.” The good thing I did in my response was expressing my sympathy at the start. My flaw was adding more troubles to her mind. When someone is sad or angry, it is best to focus on that person’s troubles, and that person’s troubles alone. People don’t come to you for help because they want to think about even more problems. They come to get help for the problems that they have.
Now, let’s look at this backwards. Say that you express your troubles, then the person you are speaking to brings up his or her own. The polite thing to do is to put aside your own troubles for the remainder of that chat and focus on those of the other person. You may think that bringing up your own problems may make the other person think less of his or her own. However, that is not the case. You are just fanning the flames of turmoil. When someone is sad, it is the mature thing to do to forget about what’s troubling you and to try and help the other person.
Saying good-bye- When you feel the need to leave the conversation, it is important that you don’t simply say, “Bye!” then log off. It also isn’t good to say that you need to go, wait for the other to say good-bye, then log out. The reason being is that the other person may want to say something more to you. If you just log out, the person gets no chance to add any closing thoughts. If you say good-bye then wait for the other to, there is still an issue: If you say that you need to go yet the other person has more on his or her mind, that person may feel like he or she is keeping you against your will by saying more. Out of discomfort alone, he or she may just say good-bye even if there is more to say. The way to fix this is by asking at the end if the person has any more to say. “I have to go for now, but is there any more you wish to say before I leave? I have the time to finish up any thoughts you have.” The invitation to continue wears away the discomfort of keeping the person longer.
Getting bored- Yes, there will be times when the person you are chatting with bores you. It will easily offend the person to know he or she is being boring, but there are ways to seem interested:
1. Make sure that you don’t drastically decrease your response size. If you’ve been typing sentences then suddenly switch to one or two liners, the person will likely get suspicious.
2. Ask questions about what the person is saying. Few things show as much interest as inquiries.
3. Make comparisons. Linking the topic to other things shows that you are actively analyzing what the person is saying. (It also acts as a subtle transition to change the subject at a later point.)
4. Don’t abruptly change the subject unless it is clear that the person has finished saying all that he or she wants to. A possible way of changing the subject is switching to something mentioned in the person’s responses. If someone is talking about a war then mentions the types of guns used, and wars bore you but you like guns, you can try talking about guns, but don’t forget to make it connect to the original topic. If I’m talking to Malte279 about World War I, and I’m getting bored, I can do this: Malte279: “World War I was a very gruesome battle. The primitive weapons made the fight all the more grueling.” The Friendly Sharptooth: “Yes, I heard that that war was just a nightmare too. I’m impressed that you know so much about it. Speaking of the guns they used, what all can you tell me about them?” You can see that I started by talking about his topic, then changed to a subtopic in his statement that I had more interest in.
Overloading a chatter- If someone is taking a long time to reply to you, it could very well be because the person is chatting with several people at once. This can easily and harmlessly be discovered by asking the person about it. If you have nothing important to say, and there are plenty of other things to occupy your time, it is polite and responsible to stop chatting with the person. Multitasking lowers quality and adds stress. If you really care about the person’s welfare and there is no strong reason to stick around, be mature and lighten the person’s load. The person will appreciate it.
Making an awkward statement- Most of us do this occasionally. You can easily say or ask something that is too personal or that the person isn’t comfortable disclosing. Don’t let the awkwardness in the air linger! Change the subject right away, but do it gently and casually. Don’t say things like, “Sorry for the awkward comment. Do like birds?” There is no need to say that things are awkward bluntly, and an obvious subject change is even more uncomfortable. Act like you just had a sudden idea. Following an awkward comment that clearly made the person uncomfortable: “Oh, I nearly forgot! I wanted to ask you something. I saw a really cool show about turkeys, and I was wondering, do you like them too?”
Dealing with an angry person- At times, you will begin a chat with an angry individual. Don’t fuel his or her fire by bashing the one responsible! Explain why the source of the anger is wrong without speaking directly about the person. Let’s say I’m chatting with Mumbling, and she’s fuming because Action9000 bought her a dress that was way too big and she took it as him calling her fat.
What not to do- “Yeah, that guy is a real jerk. What sort of guy makes his girlfriend seem overweight? He doesn’t deserve you or your kindness anymore. Someone like you should have better. Ugh, he just makes me sick.”
What to do- “Aw, that’s really sad. I’m sorry that such a mistake happened and that it bothers you so much. You’re actually have a very slim figure, but most guys don’t know a whole lot about female clothes sizes. I mean, I couldn’t pick out the right size for a girl if my life depended on it. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, and you should try telling him your size for future reference.”
That is all I can think of for now. I may add more later as I come up with new ideas.
