The Gang of Five
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One Long Tail

Achillobator

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Quote from: Kor,Nov 10 2007 on  01:26 AM
It is well written, and you chose a good stopping place.
Yes, but maybe your should have said that in the story :3 Descriptions let the readers know what's happening at all times.


The Great Valley Guardian

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Okay guys after several post stating general confustion amongst my chapters...I am willing to make a compramise....If anyone else gets confused while reading my fanfic...let me know, and I will make it my personal duty to go back through and give a better explination in the chapter.


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Quote from: The Great Valley Guardian,Nov 10 2007 on  06:40 PM
Okay guys after several post stating general confustion amongst my chapters...I am willing to make a compramise....If anyone else gets confused while reading my fanfic...let me know, and I will make it my personal duty to go back through and give a better explination in the chapter.
well, why not do it anyways? I mean, It would never hurt :p


The Great Valley Guardian

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Thia is true...but not tonight...I is tired! V_V


The Great Valley Guardian

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Okay here we go, but before I start the next chapter I would like to point out just a few things about the story... My character (the flyer) won't receive his actual name until chapter 5. Until then he will simply be called by description as the Pink-Eyed Flyer...

And 85% of the time Littlefoot and his friends, or the adults (as in this chapter) will be conversing among themselves and my OC will simply be standing within ear shot, and simply speak his mind...

I have also finally gotten around to modifying several points in earlier chapters for those of you who were confused before, and again should anything confuse you while reading any point in this story...just let me know and I'll be happy to go into greater detail...

Now for Chapter 4!

The Night Council


One night later…..

The Pink-eyed flyer awoke with a start, almost forgetting today was his Star-Day, the first day of his life…and almost as fast as his happiness had come it disappeared.

ëThis is what happens when your whole family gets killed by some stupid rock!’ the flyer thought to him-self. Feeling a little wound up he decided to walk to the Thundering Falls again to just be alone. As his luck would have it, the elders in the valley heard were having a meeting in that very same spot, but instead of interrupting one of them he decided to sit in the shadows and watch.

“You know as well as I do longneck….” Topsy began “If he just walked in here, that might mean a hole in the Great Wall, and that means Sharpteeth.” The few adults there began to mumble and converse among each other.

Then Littlefoot’s grandmother stepped in “Please try to keep it down the children are sleeping.” “Well what do you suggest we do, Mr. Three-horn?” asked the elderly longneck grandfather.

“I say we wake up the new flyer and ask him exactly how he got inside the valley!” cried Cera’s father with a firm nod of his head.

“But the child is sure to be sleeping along with our young ones.” said Ducky’s mother with some concern. “It does not matter! This child could have made the hole in the wall himself and not bothered to close it after coming in.” Once again Topsy said
   
At this point the Pink-eyed flyer had had just about enough of the senseless arguing between the elders, and cleared his throat before saying: “Do you want the long version or the short one?”

A few of the elders jumped upon hearing the young flyers voice, but as he stepped out into the Night Circle’s bright glow the few adults there could see he was very serious about this. “Um…How long have you been listing young one?” asked Topsy's mate Tria.

The Pink-eyed flyer looked around before saying “Long enough to know some of you here want an explanation as to how I came into the Great Valley….and to tell the honest truth….I…I really don’t remember.”

Topsy being one of rather hard and sometimes unnecessary criticism towards others bluntly stated “Rubbish! You know and you just won’t tell us….your hiding something and when I find out what that something is….I’ll see you banished….especially if you’re in league with those stupid sharpteeth!”

At that point the Pink-eyed flyer and Topsy were face-to-face, and although Topsy couldn’t see it, he had just struck a very physical and mental blow against a mere child with a past he’d rather forget.  

The Pink-eyed flyer took a step backwards and found his feet in the shallow end of the Thundering Falls, and his body froze in place not because of the cold, but because his body was once again at war within itself…his mind was filling with images, and visions of death he couldn’t forget, smells he’d never be rid of, and a large feeling of loneliness and fear in his heart.

For the longest time he just sat there stuck in that wide-eyed fearful expression, not wanting to break down and cry in front of all the elders, but didn’t really have the strength to stop the tears from flowing down his beak once again.
   
Upon seeing this some of the adults in the meeting circle either stared or turned to walk away. In the end with the exception of Littlefoot’s grandparents, Crea’s father, his mate Tria, Ducky’s mother, and Petrie’s mother, were all that were left standing in the circle wanting to give the child enough room to breath, but at the same time not leave him alone in case he needed someone to comfort him.

(A/N:This song was cut from the ff.net version of this chapter for various reasons including the rule that states that official song lyrics weren't allowed.  The ending of the song Rise is © to Origa)

Then as if on cue a song could be heard escaping the flyers beak:

 ëDon’t you cry, hide your tears….for a new day will start….your fire will be saved…..by the ones you love….but now get up….hide the fear….and pain far behind….the one who is stronger will live…know that everything is in your wings…save your tears, for the day….when the pain is far behind….on your feet…come with me….we are fighters…stand or die…fast and free…take your place for the end….follow me…we rise or fall.’

Of course not realizing he had just sung part of his family’s sacred song to the ears of the few listeners that were left, he collapsed into the shallow pool of water, and promptly fell into a deep, dream-less sleep.

The next morning….

Feeling a little light headed, but other wise okay…Petrie awakened with a yawn to greet the day, and as he rolled onto his stomach he opened his eyes and almost screamed…if his mother hadn’t stopped him first.

“It’s okay Petrie…he had a bad sleep-story last night that’s all and I let him sleep in our nest.”
Petrie seemed to calm down at the end of his mother’s statement and took a deep breath of relief.  Then Petrie had an idea!

“Can me go play?” asked Petrie “Of course!” replied his mother. Then she added “I’ll stay and watch over him if you’re worried.” Just as Petrie spread his wings, he looked back at the Pink-eyed flyer ëMe hope new flyer okay’ Petrie said to himself as he reached the blue skies he loved so much.

Just as Littlefoot and the others were gathering at the watering hole, a high pitched, blood-curdling scream could be heard almost all over the Great valley. “What was that?” asked Cera. They only knew one thing for certain…

The scream came from Petrie’s nest….


Kor

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I enjoyed reading this, and the stopping point was well chosen as well.  The various character's personalities were well done, I thought.  Including how Cera's dad usually bullies everyone.


lbt/cty_lover

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Extremely good usage of suspense. I can't wait for the next chapter.


The Great Valley Guardian

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I'm glad people are enjoying the fanfic...I may post another chapter later today...


lbt/cty_lover

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Please hurry up then! We are all anxious.


The Great Valley Guardian

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Okay....after several prompts Chapter 5 is finally here and the flyer gets his name...Finally! :lol: And by now you know the drill...confused tell me...I fix!  :yes


The Gift of Faith


He woke up with a bloodcurdling scream, and didn’t understand why it had happened at all. His sleep was peaceful and uneventful, but something must have happened right before he woke up…otherwise there wouldn’t have been such a need to scream like a baby and quite possibly scare the entire valley into thinking something was wrong. But SOMETHING WAS wrong if he had to scream like that just to wake up!

   
Just as he was sorting out his thoughts multiple voices could be heard from down below. As he looked over the edge of the cave the nest was resting in, he could see for a fact that his scream had indeed caused quite a bit of commotion in the valley. He could see Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike along with the adults coming into view.

Naturally having no kind of explanation to the reason he screamed, the Pink-eyed flyer then chose that moment, not knowing if anyone had seen him looking downwards to pretend to be asleep, which would’ve worked if Petrie’s mother hadn’t entered at the last moment.

Against everything he expected her to do laughing was absolutely the last thing from his mind. The flyer looked up and asked “If it’s not too much trouble, may I ask why you’re laughing?” and she replied “A trick like that might work on a hatchling, but not a fully grown flyer or a mother.”

Petrie’s mother then suggested “Are you feeling okay?” The Pink-eyed flyer then said “Yes, although to be honest I’m surprised anyone cares enough to actually help me.” As the flyer looked up at the mother of one of his few friends, he noticed she looked shocked, almost as if she wasn’t expecting that to come from him.

Then she picked him by his shoulders, locked eyes with him and told him “Don’t EVER lose faith in your-self. You may feel like giving up and that’s okay, you may feel like crying and that too is all right, but when you give up on your-self you’re giving into the darkest parts of who you are. And believe me those are the hardest parts to overcome. Please even if you don’t stay long, promise me you’ll always trust in yourself, no matter what.”

When all she retrieved was silence, she asked him again. “Promise me please!” she said almost at a whisper. Then he answered her “Yes, I will always believe in myself. You have my word.” The Pink-eyed flyer said. Then a voice rang out from the ground below, and it said “Hey Longtail get down here!”

The two flyers looked at each other knowing they were to only two in the cave. They both walked forward slowly, and after reaching the edge of the nest looked down to meet the numerous eyes upon them, however, almost instantly both flyers locked on the owner of the voice that had just called to them: “Who are you talking to Littlefoot?” asked Petrie’s mother

Just as Littlefoot was about to answer, Petrie flew up to their spot in the nest and pointed past his mother to the flyer directly behind her and said “He talking…to you!” beamed Petrie with happiness in his eyes.

Needless to say the flyer felt as stunned as he actually looked, he took three steps forward, looked over the edge and slowly glided down into the crowd that had gathered in the last few minutes.

Finally finding his voice again the flyer asked “Y-Y-You…gave me a-a….” Ducky walked up to him and said “Ali and Littlefoot said you didn’t have a name….” then Littlefoot chose that moment to cut in “…So when we heard you scream we followed it here, and decided...with the grown-ups help of course to give you a real name.”

Then Crea gave her input “And we decided on Longtail…for obvious reasons.” The circle in front of Petrie’s nest became quiet and waited for a response. His eyes were watering, his breathing became heavier, and he realized AGAIN he was crying, but inside he had never been this happy in his entire life.

But while he was trying to calm himself down Littlefoot spoke up once again “My grandparents once told me you only share your feelings and stories with those you consider friends….” There was an audible pause in his words, and he said “…We are friends….right?”  With this new name came something of a shock. ëAre THESE the ones I’m supposed to save? And if they are…I can’t make any mistakes in protecting them!’ Longtail thought to himself

ëAlthough I do like the new name….it actually fits my physical description.’ As he looked behind him he observed his abnormally long tail for which he had received the new name ëand it serves as a pretty useful tool when I need it as well.’ Longtail thought to himself.

He looked up at littlefoot and said “Well now….I don’t know….we might be friends…..” and he paused and used his tail to lift up a gift to his new friend “It can’t be….” Said Littlefoot’s grandparents in unision “Yes, it is exactly what you think and see it to be….and it’s going to be Littlefoot’s special present.” And he looked at the young longneck and said

“This golden tree-star is a show of my unlimited friendship to everyone in this valley…and I want you all to know this tree-star can NOT be eaten, unless someone you truly care about is hurt and dying.” Longtail then muttered under his breath ëI wish I had this when my mother died….it might have saved her life.’ And with that, Longtail walked past everyone gathered around him and said “I’m going to take a nap, please if anyone needs me just come find me at the Thundering Falls.”

As he arrived at the falls he noticed a beautiful young female flyer sitting at the waters edge, and as he stepped out into the light the girl turned around and meet him eye-to-eye…….


Manny Cav

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Well... you messed up the InvisionFree tag in a paragraph, and I noticed a grammar error or two, but overall, you really captured the emotion there. I like!


Kor

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I enjoyed the chapter.  How many chapters will the story have roughly?


The Great Valley Guardian

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So far the entire story is only 24 chapters long, many still undergoing changes...but I'm sure the story will be many more chapters long. Don't worry this story won't be short! :DD


Sky

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Nice to hear that.  :lol:
I'm really enjoying this fanfic.
It's sometimes confusing, but still understandable.  ;)

Can't wait for the next chapters.


Chiletrek

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Hello:
 I agree, this fanfic is great. The funny thing is that I had one story like this one many years ago, but it was a Dink fanfic, but I can really see that the difference is that The Great Valley Guardian has a lot more of experience than me, someday I'll be able to have some nice stories to tell.
 Keep it up The Great Valley Guardian, I'm really looking forward to read more!


The Great Valley Guardian

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To be totally honest here...this is my very first fanfic I've ever worked on...so I'm kinda surprised so many here like it....even if it is a little confusing at certain parts...which I am trying to fix! Thank you for your pleasant review and don't worry more chapter will be posted soon!


Chiletrek

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Hello:
 To be the first fanfic, it is very well done, it may get confussing at times (not alaways even though my native language is the spanish), but you do know how to get the characters to show emotions, and that's both an importat and a hard part of any story.
 Again,  keep it up!


The Great Valley Guardian

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Next Chapter! Yay!!!


From One Flyer to Another


As the two flyers locked eyes with one another…Longtail began to blush, turning from a pale sky blue to a shade of crimson red. The young female flyer then choosing that time said “Well hello there…I don’t believe we’ve meet.”

Although Longtail heard the girl speak, it was ultimately drowned out by the sound of his heart beating a mile a minute. ëGuess I’m not getting any sleep as long as she’s here.’ He thought to himself

“My names Teri…. what’s your name?” she asked with a devious smile. And of course he wanted to answer, but his voice was somewhere other than where it was supposed to be.

“M-M-My names…ohm….Longtail yeah…that’s it…I think.” stuttered the flyer with a nervous grin.

Longtail then took a deep breath and slowly brought himself back to his senses, while Teri on the other hand was laughing her pretty little head off. Longtail then stated “I’m sorry Teri I’m just not used to seeing other flyers as beautiful as you are…” and he almost immediately shut his beak, but his words couldn’t be taken back.

ëOh great…’ thought Longtail to himself ëthe one girl flyer I meet in this entire valley and I can’t control my voice or my words!’ He of course began blushing again as he noticed she was staring directly at him.

Teri then casually walked up to Longtail until they were face to face with one another, and then she noticed something…”You’re the one who saved Ducky the other day…aren’t you?” This of course didn’t help Longtail at all, as it only served to change his color to an even darker shade of red, and eventually forcing his nose to bleed, albeit very slowly, but bleed none the less.

ëI either have to calm myself down, or I just might die from embarrassment…. not to mention in front of a girl I haven’t even made friends with yet!’ said Longtail with a frown  

“Is there any type of game you want to play now?” asked Teri again with that sly grin on her face. And again Longtail found himself stammering his words and sentences. “W-W-Well….I…I…ohm…I just want to….take a nap?” croaked Longtail

Teri looked down cast, however, because she was enjoying her time with Longtail she winked in his direction and then said “Well then, I’ll let you get some sleep…you hero you.”
Then without another word she took off towards the horizon.

Then just as Teri was out of sight, Longtail slowly slumped to the floor, and began to close his weary eyes. Just as the sleep was about to take him away to another place, a voice rang out from inside the forest “Hey Longtail….”

ëI am NEVER going to get another moments rest around here!’ Longtail cried to himself “Hey Longtail, sorry to bother you, but ….” But as Littlefoot was about to finish his sentience, Longtail turned around and Littlefoot could see Longtail was different color altogether.

“Are you okay?” asked the longneck and Longtail’s immediate reply was “ohm…m…maybe…” Littlefoot then realized why his color had changed. “You met Teri didn’t you?!”

And against all odds Longtail looked Littlefoot in the face and actually turned a still darker shade of red. “This cannot be happening to me.” said Longtail under his breath. Then he heard Littlefoot laughing and he said “Don’t worry…she’s done that to all the flyers in the valley at least once.” Longtail looked up at his longneck friend and said “Really?” and almost instantly his color began to return to its normal sky blue tint.

“So what do you think of her?” asked Littlefoot. Longtail of course too tired to give an explanation simply said “I’m going to take my nap now…and don’t worry…I’ll answer your question when I wake up…okay?”

The young longneck nodded his head, and turned around and walked back the way he’d come. It was then Longtail felt a little remorse for being so terse with him, but he was sleep deprived, and thirsty but he decided it would be wise to sleep before he did anything else.

And after searching for a comfortable place to sleep he picked a rock dead in the center of the pool at the base of the falls. He also noted with some satisfaction that the rock despise being around frigid, ice cold water, was warm to the touch!

“Simply amazing…” whispered Longtail as he laid his head down and closed his eyes…..however while he slept, he also began to dream…..and little did he know that his dreams were soon going to become reality…….



Kor

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Nice installment and another cliffhanger, makes the person want to read more to find out what happens.


Chiletrek

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Hello:
 Oh cool! I wanted to read another chapter, I hope they will keep on coming, the presence of another character adds a bit more of foreshadowing to the whole story :yes , keep it up!