My Inner Turmoil

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

Cera is constantly being mean to characters like Littlefoot. Yet, we really don't see him lashing back for the most part. He charged Cera in I, got in a fight in V, argued back in Through the Eyes of a Spiketail, and so on, but those were rare occurences, and Cera is mean almost all the time. I wonder if he is bottling up some negative feelings about her constant treatment towards him. We seem him brush her harsh behavior aside a LOT. That is what inspired this poem.

My Inner Turmoil

I try to hide it everyday.
My emotions swirl in a negative way.
Cera the Three Horn is my friend.
Nonetheless, my heart does rend.
With constant abuse, it cannot mend.
What am I to do?

I knew the proper path to take.
My confidence was not a fake.
I wanted the left but she went right.
Her decision almost a tragic sight,
We nearly did not survive the fight.
What am I to think?

I gained a friend but lost a mother.
With her loving tongue, she did smother.
Now I’m left with a rude little jerk.
Each passing day, I meet her smirk.
I just can’t see her as a perk.
What am I to feel?

She argues with me all the time.
Her company should be a crime.
I try so hard to show her kindness.
But it’s like she suffers from a blindness.
Her constant anger is so mindless.
How should I react?

I try to treat her with respect.
Yet to her dad, I’m just an insect.
What good is coming from my toil?
My kindnesses she just does spoil.
She tramples my feelings just like the soil.
How should I continue?

For mother’s sake, I try to be strong.
But maybe in this, I’m doing it wrong.
About other kinds, maybe mother was right.
I grow weary from this endless fight.
When I’m with Cera, there’s so little light.
How should I behave?

All I can do is harbor my feeling.
To lash out would not be appealing.
Oh, Cera, why are you so mean?
Is cruelty to you so keen?
A bright future I haven’t seen.
I can only take so much.

[jansenov]

Lovely poem. I think you portrayed Littlefoot's dilemma well enough. It does seem like Littlefoot's glass is getting overfilled in the end. But I think you could make your poem even better if you introduce gradation in it. In your first stanza you say "Nonetheless, my heart does rend. With constant abuse it cannot mend." Those are strong expressions. I think you should have saved Littlefoot's strongest reflections, the strongest expressions for the end of the poem.  By using progresively stronger expressions through your poem you can really create the impression that Littlefoot's reaching a boiling point. This way, your second stanza is weaker in this regard than the first, and you dillute the "bottling up" impression somewhat.

Nevertheless, this work is better than anything I've created so far. In the English language at least.

Keep up the good work!

P.S. "Respect" is really a clumsy word to rhyme with.

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

Thanks. I couldn't really tell the word strength differences of the middle verses, but I did reverse the first and last one as you suggested, and changed the "respect" section, also as you suggested. I'm guessing that the middle verses are equivalent in strength, but I could be very wrong. I therefore left the order alone besides the first and last, hoping it now works out better for you than my first attempt. I am really just an amateur writer at best.

My Inner Turmoil

I try to hide it everyday.
My emotions swirl in a negative way.
Oh, Cera, why are you so mean?
Is cruelty to you so keen?
A bright future I haven’t seen.
What am I to do?

I knew the proper path to take.
My confidence was not a fake.
I wanted the left but she went right.
Her decision almost a tragic sight,
We nearly did not survive the fight.
What am I to think?

I gained a friend but lost a mother.
With her loving tongue, she did smother.
Now I’m left with a rude little jerk.
Each passing day, I meet her smirk.
I just can’t see her as a perk.
What am I to feel?

She argues with me all the time.
Her company should be a crime.
I try so hard to show her kindness,
But it’s like she suffers from a blindness.
Her constant anger is so mindless.
How should I react?

I make sure to treat her very well.
Yet all she likes to do is yell.
What good is coming from my toil?
My kindnesses she just does spoil.
She tramples my feelings just like the soil.
How should I continue?

For mother’s sake, I try to be strong.
But maybe in this, I’m doing it wrong.
About other kinds, maybe mother was right.
I grow weary from this endless fight.
When I’m with Cera, there’s so little light.
How should I behave?

All I can do is harbor my feeling.
To lash out would not be appealing.
Cera the Three Horn is my friend.
Nonetheless, my heart does rend.
With constant abuse, it cannot mend.
I can only take so much.

[Cancerian Tiger]

Interesting poem, and well written.  Based on what's in my signature, I don't have to say where I'm going with this post.

The negative about this poem is that it made Littlefoot sound like he really hates Cera, and this seems really out of character for him.  From what we've seen in the series, these two are closer to each other than any of the others.  They've been through a lot, they were the first friend each other had, and they interact the way siblings do.  This seemed a bit extreme for Littlefoot, but that's just my opinion.  

As for Cera, she's gotten much nicer as the series has gone on, but I'll stop right there before I go off topic and cause any argument here .  I'm not looking to flame anyone and have no intention of doing so.

[Caustizer]

Nice poem.  I appreciate your creativity and expression, even if I am not completely fond of peoms myself.

[LBTDiclonius]

I don't think your really flaming anyone Cancerian Tiger. Your just giving your opinion that's all. There's nothing wrong with that. It's true Cera has gotten nicer throughout the sequals. But I'm getting off-topic.

Now, for my review. I like this. I think your little switch-a-roo for the second try worked. It gradually got more intense towards the end and that kept me interested in this. I have to Cancerian Tiger on this one. I don't think Littlefoot 'hates' Cera, per say, but she has been mean to him in the past.  Like how she insulted his Mother in number 1. Dead givaway there. But I think they've gotten closer as time went on. True, there has been the fights every now and again, but it seems as if they forgive and forget it quickly. I think they have a little brother and sister relationship, but they don't hate each other. Oh look, I'm rambling. All in all, it was a nice poem. Good work.

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

The negative about this poem is that it made Littlefoot sound like he really hates Cera, and this seems really out of character for him. From what we've seen in the series, these two are closer to each other than any of the others. They've been through a lot, they were the first friend each other had, and they interact the way siblings do. This seemed a bit extreme for Littlefoot, but that's just my opinion.

As for Cera, she's gotten much nicer as the series has gone on, but I'll stop right there before I go off topic and cause any argument here . I'm not looking to flame anyone and have no intention of doing so.

You'll never cause an argument with me by pointing out my flaws. I'll be the first to admit it when I have my shortcomings. Even if you simply said that my poem was utterly stupid and doesn't sound good at all, I would still respect your opnion. I won't bite if my replies aren't one-hundred percent bright circle light and sky colors.

I too sensed that this might come across as Littlefoot down right hating Cera, and that is why I added this line before posting it: "Cera the Three Horn is my friend." He does still value her friendship in this, he's just feeling weak from bottling up his feelings so much that he finally exploded on the inside. Ever got mad at someone you cared about and said, "I hate you'?" Deep down, you probably didn't hate the person, you were just overcome with emotion at the time. In this poem, Littlefoot is presently depressed after looking back at the mean things Cera has done to him. Even with all his frustrations though, he still admits that he sees her as a friend.

Thank you all for your feedback. Any time someone takes his or her time to speak about my work, I greatly appreciate it. And flames are always welcome, though I didn't see you as doing that. I like it went people bluntly speak out the depths of their hearts.

[Cancerian Tiger]

Actually, I've never hated someone I care about nor have I ever said that out of emotion.  Being a Christian, I was raised to believe that hate is very, very strong and should never be allowed otherwise it causes evil doings.  Even though I'm grown now, the first things that come to my mind when I think of "hate" are things like the KKK and the Holocaust.  I could never feel/think like those who were responsible for such acts/feelings of hatred.  To make a long story short, I have no idea how it feels, and perhaps this lead me to feeling Littlefoot was extreme in his thoughts in your poem :unsure:.

As for flaming/criticizing someone's work, I don't believe such things like someone sucks at writing or they were not cut out for writing.  I believe anyone can write, and with the guidance and constructive criticism of more advanced writers, anyone can build on their writing sklls and improve.  I would never tell someone that their writing sucks...unless they wrote a hatefic .

Anyhoo, I think your poetry is good so far and hope to see more .

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

As for flaming/criticizing someone's work, I don't believe such things like someone sucks at writing or they were not cut out for writing. I believe anyone can write, and with the guidance and constructive criticism of more advanced writers, anyone can build on their writing sklls and improve.

Thank you. I am glad that a writer more advanced than myself has taken the time to help out a lowly amateur so I can improve.

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

Yes, I know what you all are thinking. "He's changing it again? This poem is really starting to get old." Well, decent works often undergo a series of revisions to reach their most suitable end. I think that this is my final draft. I see no more reason to change it further. As to why I changed it this time, I had a chat with a very refined member who felt that the strength of the words was too immense for Littlefoot. As a result of agreeing, I toned down a lot of the stanzas. It now no longer comes across as being so extreme. So not to waste any more of people's time, here is the final form of my poem:

My Inner Turmoil

I try to hide it in every way.
I work to keep my emotions at bay.
Oh, Cera, you can be so mean.
Is lashing out to you so keen?
A peaceful path I haven’t seen.
What am I to do?

I knew the proper path to take.
My confidence was not a fake.
I wanted the left but she went right.
Her decision almost a tragic sight,
We nearly did not survive the fight.
What am I to think?

I gained a friend but lost a mother.
With her loving tongue, she did smother.
Now I’m left with a rude Three Horn.
Each passing day, I see such scorn.
I worry when comes the shining mornë.
What am I to feel?

She argues with me oh so much.
She snaps at just the faintest touch.
I try so hard to show her kindness,
But it’s like she suffers from a blindness.
Her constant anger is so mindless.
How should I react?

I make sure to treat her very well.
Yet on and on she likes to yell.
What good is coming from my toil?
My kindnesses she’ll often spoil.
She tramples my feelings just like the soil.
How should I continue?

For mother’s sake, I try to be strong.
But maybe in this, I’m doing it wrong.
About other kinds, maybe mother was right.
I grow weary from this endless fight.
When with her, it can be an ugly sight.
How should I behave?

All I can do is harbor my feeling.
To lash out would not be appealing.
Cera the Three Horn is my friend.
Nonetheless, my heart does rend.
With so much abuse, it cannot mend.
I can only take so much.

[LBTDiclonius]

I suppose I'll be the first to review the finished product of the poem.

I think this was a better poem than the first two. Sorry there, but it's true for me. It showed that Littlefoot doesn't hate Cera, just thinks that she isn't all that nice sometimes. And I think that for all the Cera fans out there (Cancerian Tiger I'mma looking at you   ) like this poem a lot more, because Cera has gottne nicer, but she can still lose her temper every once and a while. And I think you did a good job at portraying Littlefoot's emotions about her, and about how (direct quote) he can only take so much. Great job.

[jansenov]

This is more in line with Littlefoot's character. And I'm happy you still kept the gradation.