Lost in a Forest

[Im little green glyder :J]

Well you're writing. How do I read it I wanted more , hooked me. Strong story, sad  or merry .

Next write that's great you are coming out.  

[Pterano]

So it was Pterano who reappeared.   Well that's certainly good. Yes I'd say the opening of the chapter, with the reveal and Petrie's delight was by far the best.

The ending of course made me smile. So Devon's come to live there, and he's got Pterano as well.  

One more chapter to go then, and we'll have the conclusion, unfortunately, but it's been a great read.

[trulyfantasticme]

So here's the final chapter of Lost in a Forest. Done already? Oh my goodness! I think I'm gonna cry!

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Epilogue

Pterano, Devon and the gang of seven hung out in Pterano’s cave, just like they would every seven days for a night’s sleepover based on a deal that Pterano and Petrie made. “…and that’s how Red Claw got his scratch mark.” Pterano concluded his story to the children.

“Wow,” Chomper whispered in complete awe. “That’s pretty cool.”

“Thank you, Chomper,” Pterano told the young sharptooth before turning to the rest of the children. “Well now, I believe it is time for you kids to get some sleep.” That caused the children to whine.

“Oh, come on, Mr. Pterano!” Chomper complained, not really wanting to go to bed. “Just one more story?”

“Yes! Just one more?” Ruby begged.

“Well…” Pterano drifted off.

“Please, Uncle?” Petrie perched himself on his uncle’s shoulder, staring at him with what’s now called the “puppy eyes”. Pterano turned his head, staring at the young hatchlings that stared back at him. He saw the plead in their eyes, and all of a sudden, he couldn’t think of a reason to refuse. So…

“Well, alright.” The children cheered. “But one more and you’re going to sleep, understand?”

“Yes, Uncle.” Petrie replied before flying off his shoulder and landing on Littlefoot’s head.

Pterano thought for a moment. “How about the story that I’d like to call, Five Little Hatchlings.”

“Oooh,” Ruby stated as the children cuddled up around her. “This is gonna be good, I can tell.”

“Long, long time ago in a world far, far away,” Pterano started. “There was a poor old misunderstood flyer roaming around with a herd of traveling far walkers along with a couple of companions in search for the greater good.”

“Hmph! Sounds a lot like someone I know,” Cera eyed the red flyer with an angry glare.

“Cera!” Littlefoot scolded sending her an angry glare.

“It’s okay, young Littlefoot. We all make our mistakes. Well now where was I? Oh yes! Geez, I’m getting old!” That earned him chuckles from the children. “Any way, he was setting to make up for what he had done in the past and start over. But he did it all wrong…”

Later that night…

“…but even though he saved the children from the smoking mountains, the old flyer was banished to the Mysterious Beyond for five cold times.” Pterano concluded, smiling as he watched the children lay down. “But he would never forget those children. Those brave little children…that changed his heart forever.” His smile grew wider. They looked so cute all cuddled up like that. He bent himself over Littlefoot. “You’re mother would be very proud indeed, my dear child,” It was then he realized that he hadn’t called Littlefoot that for many years and it felt so good to do it again. He brought down his beak and gave the young longneck a little goodnight kiss. “And so am I.”

He bent himself over Ducky, who, of course, was sleeping against Spike’s neck. “Thanks for seeing good in me when no one else did.” And he kissed her forehead, before nuzzling her gently. “I love you...thank you for being the daughter I’ve never had.” He didn’t notice it, but she opened an eye and smiled at the red flyer, who was now hovering  Cera. Now that she thinks of it, Pterano is kind of a good father figure to her, even though she was a swimmer and he was a flyer. But then again, why did that matter, her friend was a flyer. So why can’t a flyer be her father figure.

He gave every one else their goodnight kisses before he turned to his nephew. But before he could do anything, Petrie unexpectedly shot up and perched himself on his uncle’s chest, laying his tiny head over the older flyer’s heart. “I love you, Uncle.”

Tears of joy formed in his eyes as a smile crept on his face. He wrapped his arms around Petrie’s small body, holding him close. “I love you too, Petrie.” But the little flyer couldn’t hear him, for Pterano’s heartbeat had already lured him into a sleep.

Pterano chuckled, laying himself against the wall behind him as Petrie slept on top of him. “Sweet dreams, my little Petrie.” He closed his eyes for a moment, only to feel a small sensation crawl up his belly and rest herself on his chest next to Petrie.

“Goodnight, Petrie’s Uncle.” Ducky muttered, pulling Pterano’s wing over her completely and drifting into a sleep. No sooner did she say this, Devon rested his head on his shoulder, wrapping a wing around his waist falling asleep instantly with a smile on his face. Pterano couldn’t help but smile as he brought his other wing over Devon’s shoulders, pulling the blue flyer closer.

The rest of the children nestled their heads on his legs, thinking that his legs were comfortable enough to make great pillows. They fell asleep instantly, except for Chomper, who nestled himself on Devon’s back under Pterano’s hand. He then fell asleep.
Sure, Pterano felt a bit uncomfortable with the way that he was sitting against the wall, but why would it matter? He’s got these, one…two…three…eight little wonders nestled safely against him. They all just looked so adorable with their little smiles on their faces. Even Cera had the slightest hint of a smile on that threehorn face of hers. He tightened his arms around Petrie, Ducky and Devon, pulling them even closer to his chest. “This is more like it.” he told himself.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a small hand grip his, which caused him to look down. That small hand belonged to Petrie. He let a couple tears fall from his eyes as he felt his nephew’s hand grip even tighter. Pterano curled his hand protectively over Petrie’s, keeping it nice and warm. He gave his nephew a kiss on the head. “My sweet little Petrie…” Their hands gripped onto eachother tighter as Pterano felt himself getting sleepy. He laid his head on Devon’s and closed his eyes to fall asleep within minutes.

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"My sweet little Petrie." Aww...

Any way, I'd like to thank the fallowing people for their support.

Pterano

Im little green glyder :J

Jrd89

vonboy

LBTDiclonius

Country-flyer

Serris

And if I forgot about you, let me know and I'll take care of it immediately.

*Sigh* I had fun writing this story...
 

However, there will be a series of oneshots coming up soon...

[LBTDiclonius]

What an appropriate ending! How sweet!

Loved your story and it was quite a pleasure to be one of your steady reviewers. I'm happy to be of service for your supprot, one of the most important things you can have for writing something, be it a fanfiction or just writing a random thing of no real meaning.

Oo, one shots! Cant wait to see those up! I'll be looking forward to them!

[vonboy]

IT's been a great read, trulyfantacticme! To tell you the truth, it was this fanfiction that helped me look at Pterano in a new light. I just made him my second favorite character recently, after I started to read this story!

I'm happy you'll be continuing this is some way, shape or form.

Do you have any ideas for a new fanfiction, or is it too soon to ask?

[Jrd89]

Aww. What a happy ending. Pterano's fast asleep in his cave with all the children (Including nephew Petrie and son Devon) by his side.  

That story was wonderful. I loved it, trulyfantasticme. That was a very warm, happy, and suspenseful flyer story.

You did wonderful! I loved "Lost In A Forest".

[Pterano]

Awwwww! Great ending! I loved that! And thanks for the mention! It was my pleasure, though I only wish I'd joined sooner so I could've tracked this story from the start. But, at least I got to read it all the way through, sort of more like a book in that case.

Very good Pterano story. Devon was a good OC. ^^

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

I’m going to take a crack at reviewing your chapters, miss. I hope to eventually cover them all. LBTDiclonius spoke very highly of this work to me on messenger, and with her highly respectable taste in literature, I felt that that warranted this story to receive my attention as well. I’m kind of slow at this, but I’ll review as often as I’m up to until I get to the end.

Prologue:
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A figure stood on the ledge of a high cliff, watching over the Great Valley as the Great Valley Council had a meeting next to Stone Arch* discussing on something about a banishment.

The second use of the word “on” looks to be unnecessary, so I’d remove that.
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He watched as a trio of flyers-one male carrying a little swimmer, one female and a giant flyer who looked like he could be male or female carrying a small longneck, spiketail and threehorn.

This doesn’t look like a complete sentence to me. The main part is, “He watched as a trio of flyers,” and then you have the segment that further explains the flyers. There is no finish for the thought here. To make it a complete sentence, for example, it would have to look something like, “He watched as a trio of flyers-one male carrying a little swimmer, one female and a giant flyer who looked like he could be male or female carrying a small longneck, spiketail and three horn- gathered around the meeting place.” There’s just no conclusion to the idea the way it’s written now. Furthermore, a list needs a comma after each item before the conjunction, so there should be one after the first “female.”
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 Just out of curiosity, he fallowed the three flyers, landing behind the Stone Arch where nobody could see him

“Fallowed” is a word, but I assume you mean “followed” here.” Be sure to end a sentence with punctuation.
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"Frankly, Pterano your behavior have been inexcusable," an old male longneck spoke in a calm voice. "But in light of the fact that you helped save the children, your punishment will be reduced."

A direct address is when you call to someone. Examples are:
Josh, let’s go.
I don’t feel like it, mother, sorry.
We need to hurry, buddy!

The title in a direct address is always separated by the rest of the sentence with a comma or commas, depending on where it is. When in the middle, like your “Pterano,” it needs to have a comma on each side. When you have multiple adjectives describing a noun, there should be commas between them, like with your “old male.” However, that is not always the case. If the adjectives cannot be switched while keeping the same meaning, and adding an “and” between them ruins the meaning, a comma is not added. Because you can say male, old longneck or old and male longneck, there should be a comma between them.
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"Yes," a grumpy old threehorn growled. "And some of us think it should be a lot longer."

Like the above, add commas between the adjectives.
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"Oh please let him stay." he pleaded.

“Oh” is an interjection. This particular one needs a comma after it, and the quote should be succeeded by a comma, not a period, as it is followed by the method in which it was spoke.
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"That may be but that doesn't change what he did and he MUST be responsible."

When independent clauses are separated by a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so), they need commas between them. One is needed after “be” and “did.”
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Petrie stopped when he realized that the older flyer had something say.

I believe that that should be “had something to say.”
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"We all must be responsible for our actions," he keeled down, smiling understandingly.

That should have a period at the end of the quote and a capital letter after the quote because the part following the quotation is not describing the means it was spoken. Here are examples of when you use a comma (or exclamation point or question mark) at the end of a quote and don’t capitalize the means it was spoken (unless the means begins the sentence):

“I want to go home!” the child pleaded.
“We should let him go,” the elder began, “so untie his chains.”
The girl replied sullenly, “No! I won’t eat my broccoli.”

Examples of when you do NOT use a comma and DO capitalize the part following a quote:

“I want to go home!” The child would not waver from his feelings.
“We should let him go.” Then the elder sighed, as it was so hard to catch him in the first place. “So untie his chains.”
The girl was very sullen. “No! I won’t eat my broccoli.”

So make sure there is a connection between the quote and the part with it before not capitalizing the part and using a comma instead of a period. Furthermore, I think you meant “kneeled,” not “keeled.”
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Petrie sobbed, flying into the old flyers arms.

The flyer is being used possessively, so add an apostrophe.
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He watched as Pterano flew off in the distance.

I think “into” would fit better than “in.”
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 "So you're the famous Pterano who had left my father to die." he whispered in a low Texan accent.

Remember to use a comma after the quote if it’s followed by the method in which it was spoken.
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"You will pay, Pterano...you will pay..."

The repeat is a sentence all of its own, so it should begin with a capital letter.
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That is my grammar review for the prologue. As for the story, being mostly copied, saying a whole lot would be complimenting the movie writers, not you, but I’ll say what I can for the part you added. It was interesting to add an element to the ending that the movie did not. Furthermore, you nicely kept it canon. Many people add things to the movies that contradict the film, but your addition fits in perfectly, realistically making readers believe that this was merely not noticed when it happened in the movie. Your ending added numerous aspects to what we thought we already knew. It contributed a sense of mystery, a bit of fear, a dab of foreshadowing, and a pinch of excitement. Even with such a small extra to what we saw in the movie, you’ve prepared a scrumptious entertainment sandwich, that after finishing, leaves readers wanting more. You can handle a story, and handle a story well, that’s for sure. I look forward to getting to the next chapters.

Side note: With the story finished, it is likely that my reviews will end up being several posts in a row. Posting after yourself is something not very appreciated in general, but I really have no choice since I came to this thread so late.

[trulyfantasticme]

Oh please do! And thanks for the corrections!  

Any way, just so you all know, if you wanna use my characters and/or ideas for one of your stories or rp's, you have all of my permission to do so!   Just pm me before you do.  

Come check out my Oneshots thread! http://z7.invisionfree.com/thegangoffive/i...?showtopic=9598

[Mumbling]

This fanfiction has been nominated by its author to be rated for the fanfiction awards 2011. To all the readers and fans of this fanfiction, please rate and review it!

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

I am truly sorry for the amount of time it took me to finish this, miss. I know that I told you about it weeks ago. It’s just that my reviews usually take hours for me to write, and with so much work to do, so many distractions, and my recent, mild surgical procedure, the process of reviewing right now is unfortunately a very slow one for me. Still, I will do my best to see to it that I fully review this fan fiction of yours. Here are my thoughts about chapter one:
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Five years passed since the banishment as the Bright Circle rose on a warm and sunny morning in the Mysterious Beyond, not a single cloud in the sky.

When writing a story that uses the word “sun,” you wouldn’t capitalize it, would you? It is not a proper noun. The bright circle is just dinosaur wording for that star. A general rule of thumb is, if you don’t capitalize a human name of something, neither do you capitalize it when called by its LBT terminology.
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But the strange thing is that every one in the Mysterious Beyond would wake up at the same time: just before sunrise.

There are times when “every one” is not meant to be a single word. “He killed every one of the soldiers.” But when used as a pronoun to describe a group of characters, it is one word.
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Shocked, frightened and having no idea what had hit him, the frog hopped out of there.

A list of three or more things has a comma after each item but the last, so there should be one after “frightened.”
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Pterano opened his dark blue eyes, "Morning already?" he mumbled to himself.

When two words work together before a noun to create a compound modifier, the words have a hyphen between them, so it should be “dark-blue.” Secondly, there is no relation to “Pterano opened his dark blue eyes,” and “’Morning already?" he mumbled to himself.” so they should be written as two different sentences, not combined with a comma.
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He yawned, stretching his body out before getting up on his feet and walked towards the opening of the cave.

A list of three or more things has a comma after each item but the last, so there should be one after “feet.”
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He smiled; almost there.

A semicolon separates two independent clauses, not two phrases that work together to form a single thought. If your attempt was to create a long pause between “smiled” and “almost,” then use a dash. “He smiled- almost there.”
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It was exactly two weeks from now that he would return to the Great Valley, to start over, to work things out with the Great Valley Council and his sister and most importantly, to see his nephews and nieces again.

A list of three or more things has a comma after each item but the last, so there should be one after “sister.”
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With that being said, Pterano flew off to the Big Water, searching for his breakfast, just like his normal routine.

What do you mean by “like his normal routine”? Does that mean that his normal routine is different, but going to the Big Water for fish is similar to it? If so, what does he normally do? If that IS his normal routine, and isn’t LIKE his normal routine, say “which was” instead of “just like.”
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He heard something splash behind him, which caused him to turn around.

There is no comma needed there. It may sound nicer when expressing the thought, extra suspense and all, but there is no rule to enforce its existence.
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A blue fish swimming towards him, totally unaware that it was about to become food.

That is not a sentence. “A blue fish swimming towards him,” is the subject and “totally unaware that it was about to become food.” is a parenthetical element, provided you add the verb after it. An example of it being a parenthetical element would be writing it as, “A blue fish swimming towards him, totally unaware that it was about to become food, quickly closed the gab and was grabbed.” However, this can more easily be fixed by just adding the word “was” before “swimming.”
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He landed on the beach, taking a seat against a boulder. He held his meal over him and opened his mouth wide...

Only to get sprayed in the face with ink.

Both of those work together to express one theme. They should be a single paragraph. Secondly, the second part is not a sentence. You clearly just want a pause between “wide” and “Only,” so to do it in a grammatically correct way. Use a dash and try:

He landed on the beach, taking a seat against a boulder. He held his meal over him and opened his mouth wide- only to get sprayed in the face with ink.
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"WHAT THE-!!!!" Pterano exclaimed, dropping his meal and spitting out the ink. He looked at his meal and saw that it was a squid.

I understand your feelings. You want this to be no ordinary exclamation, shouted with more emotion than one usually does in such a sentence. However, any English teacher will tell you, no matter how strong someone is exclaiming something, it is never proper to use more than one of the same punctuation mark. Don’t worry. The feeling won’t be lost by reducing it to one. Oh, and try to avoid more than one use of the same noun so close to each other if you have a choice. Instead of saying “meal” twice, my suggestions is:
 
“"WHAT THE-!" Pterano exclaimed, dropping his meal and spitting out the ink. He looked at the creature and saw that it was a squid.
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"I hate squids!!!" he whined, taking the squid and throwing it back into the ocean. No sooner than this, hysterical laughter came from the trees. Pterano sat up. "Who's there?" he scowled, trying to hide his fear.

Like above, just use one exclamation point. Also like above, try and avoid those double nouns. Instead of two “squids,” I would write that part as:

“"I hate these things!" he whined, taking the squid and throwing it back into the ocean.”

Not only does that example remove the double noun, but it also prevents a LBT character from calling an animal the same thing we humans do. Now, let’s look at, “No sooner than this.” What do you mean? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that expression before. Don’t you mean, “No sooner had he said this when”?
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A young flyer, black on the outside, night sky blue on the inside and no crest approached Pterano, still having that laughing fit.

“night sky blue” is a triple modifier. It is three words that form only one detail of the description, so there should be hyphens between them. Secondly, a list of three or more things needs a comma, so place one after “inside.” Thirdly, your list is a parenthetical element. In case my earlier example didn’t explain it, a parenthetical element is a section of a sentence that gives details of something that are not needed to understand the sentence, and therefore, when removed, you still have a complete sentence that makes perfect sense. So removing the list, we have, “A young flyer approached Pterano, still having that laughing fit.” This proves it to be such an element. The reason I am saying this is to explain why another comma is needed, as parenthetical elements in the middle of a sentence are always set apart by either commas, dashes, parenthesis, or brackets, depending on the strength of the element in the sentence. Because you chose to use the comma, it needs one at both ends. So it would look like:

“A young flyer, black on the outside, night-sky-blue on the inside, and no crest, approached Pterano, still having that laughing fit.”
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 "Goodness Pterano, ya do the dumbest things, dontcha old flyer?" he told him with a Texan accent.

“Goodness” is either used as a noun or interjection. Your usage here is the latter, and all interjections need to be separated by a comma or exclamation point, so put one after that word. Secondly, when calling someone by his or her name or some other title in a quote, it is called a direct address. Direct addresses need to be set apart by a comma or commas, depending on where they are placed. Both “Pterano” and “old flyer” are direct addresses.

Jeremy, get out of there!

I want you to know that I love you, Mary.

Please know, Hannah, that your writing is great.

In conclusion, “"Goodness, Pterano, ya do the dumbest things, dontcha, old flyer?" he told him with a Texan accent.
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"I do not!" Pterano defended, crossing his arms on his chest.

Pterano is a flyer. Wouldn’t it be better to say “wings” instead of “arms”?
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"Come on, that's the second squid incident you've had so far. And must we not forget that stingray accident when ya first came here."

Eh, it might be somewhat out of place to have animals called by their human names when every one we’ve seen so far has a more literal name in the LBT world. Here is just a suggestion on what you could write instead that will tell people what you mean without altering the typical terminology. Oh, but before I do that, your second sentence is clearly not meant to be an interrogative sentence, but your first three words are written in question format. Watch: “And must we”. You see? That is what someone says when he or she is asking someone something. It can be fixed by simply switching a couple words around. So in the end, my suggestion is:

“"Come on, that's the second incident you've had with one of those so far. And we must not forget that sting swimmer accident when ya first came here."
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"I hate those to!"

You clearly mean “also,” so add an extra o to that.
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"Well old friend, are you gonna gimme a hug or am I gonna have to leave?"

“Well” has many forms. It can be an adjective, adverb, interjection, and more. This form of it is an interjection, so it needs to be set apart with a comma, as I don’t think you want an exclamation point there.  Secondly, when a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so) separates two independent clauses (a thought that can act as an entire sentence) there needs to be a comma before the conjunction. “are you gonna gimme a hug” is independent, and so is, “am I gonna have to leave”.
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Pterano chuckled, uncrossing his arms and opening them. "Come here, you!"

"Now that's what I'd like to hear!" With that, the young flyer threw his arms around Pterano's neck, hugging him tightly.

That doesn’t make sense. Someone says something, so you have someone reply in a future tense about wanting to hear what he just heard? “I’d” is a contraction for “I would.” “Would” is pointing to the future, not the present, and not the past. Eh, maybe I’m not explaining this well. Let me try an example.

There was a family of four: the parents, a son, and a daughter. They were having a very boring summer, so the father decided to fly everyone out to Florida to spend time at Disney World. When they finally arrived at the beloved amusement part, the son said, “Dad, I would like to go to Disney World.”

Do you see how that doesn’t make sense? A past tense of your excerpt, while also changing “arms” to “wings” would be:

Pterano chuckled, uncrossing his wings and opening them. "Come here, you!"

"Now that's what I wanted to hear!" With that, the young flyer threw his wings around Pterano's neck, hugging him tightly.
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They sat next to eachother as Devon handed him a treestar.

“Eachother” is two words, not one.
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"Oh the same old, just without someone to talk to." the older flyer ruffled Devon's head.

“Oh” is an interjection, so it needs a comma, as I don’t think you want an exclamation point here. Secondly, you took one aspect of dialogue working with narration, and you took one aspect of dialogue not working with narration. When they do work together, the quote, if it was going to end with a period, ends with a comma, and the following narration would not be capitalized unless the first one always is. The aspect of this that you used is not capitalizing the narration. However, when they don’t work together, a quote that would have ended with a period keeps the period, and the following narration is capitalized. The aspect of this that you used is keeping the period. You can’t do both, because the parts either work together, or they don’t. So either capitalize the word “the” at the start of the narration, or make them work together by changing the first period to a comma. But beware. In order for them to work together, you need to also add a method in which the quote was spoken or at least some detail relating to the quote. So if you do have them work together, a complete example would look like:

“"Oh, the same old, just without someone to talk to," the older flyer replied as he ruffled Devon's head.”
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"It's been a while hasn't it?"

When a sentence is partially a question, you separate the question part with a comma. Examples include:

“The day is lovely, is it not?”

“I want to be with you, okay?”

“I don’t care about your past! Accept my love, as it’s all yours, pretty please?”
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"Anyways, I gotta get goin."

When you leave out a letter for any reason, such as to suit a unique speaking style, you need an apostrophe to show where the letter was removed. It should look like goin’.
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Come to think of it, Pterano was a kind of like a father figure to him.

Too many words. You can adjust it two ways to my knowledge:

Come to think of it, Pterano was kind of like a father figure to him.

Come to think of it, Pterano was a kind of father figure to him.
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"You bet." he replied, stroking his cheek with his claw.

Because the narration is explaining the method of the quote, the period at the end of the quote should be a comma.
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Devon spreaded his wings and headed for the forest.

“Spreaded” is not a word. Say, “spread.”
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They sat next to eachother as Devon handed him a treestar.

That is a sentence from early on in the story. I didn’t have a problem with the food part at the time. Because of the sentence I just saw:

“He landed next to a tree, taking off a tree star and stuffing it into his mouth.” now I do.

Because that leaf is LBT terminology, I don’t really know if it’s supposed to be one word or two. So take your pick, I guess. However, be consistent. Don’t say “treestar” then later say “tree star.”
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"S' about time..."

An apostrophe is placed where the letter or letters are omitted. I assume the full word here is “It’s,” and if I am right, the apostrophe needs to go before the S.
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"Snap out of it, will ya? Pterano's not our friend, he's our enemy!"

“Pterano’s not our friend” and “he’s our enemy” are two independent clauses. I understand that the quote, spoke in such context, is said so quickly that a comma seems to fit best in regards to the timing. Still, independent clauses are never combined with nothing but a comma. Try:

“Pterano's not our friend! He's our enemy!”

Or:

“Pterano's not our friend. He's our enemy!”

Or:

“Pterano's not our friend; he's our enemy!”
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"Oh that..."

I understand how close the two words are when spoke like that. A pause just doesn’t seem needed. Still, the grammar rule is that all interjections need a comma or exclamation point following them, and based off of the quiet tone I assume this is spoken in, I’d use a comma.
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"Those brats should be here in a few days" Sierra reminded. "and then you're to lead them to a pack of Sharptooth."

When narration comes between two quotes that are linked together, you end the narration part with a comma, not a period. Secondly, when a quote is separated by narration, there needs to be punctuation at the end of the quote. Thirdly, a pack is plural, so say “Sharpteeth,” not “Sharptooth.” So it would look like:

 “ëThose brats should be here in a few days," Sierra reminded, "and then you're to lead them to a pack of Sharpteeth.’"
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He picked up a pointy rock and grasped it. "and I will take care of that Pterano."

That quote has no relation to the narration before it, so it should be capitalized. So weëd have:

“He picked up a pointy rock and grasped it. "And I will take care of that Pterano.’”
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"We do this, and my revenge will be complete and you will have your freedom."

Each part that is separated by an “and” is an independent clause, so each “and” needs a comma before it.
____________________________________________________________________
"Just tell me where that Pterano lives and I'll deal with him tomorrow."

When a coordinating conjunction separates two independent clauses, it needs a comma before it.
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Even the Night Circle didn't look that much different either.

Two things: Just like “bright circle” is not capitalized, neither is “night circle,” because you wouldn’t capitalize “moon,” would you? Secondly, it’s a bit wordy. Using “even” the way you did and “either” the way you did both indicate that there is another factor involved in the claim. You don’t need both.

Even the night circle didn't look that much different.

Or:

The night circle didn't look that much different either.
____________________________________________________________________
Pterano snapped out of his thoughts when he spotted something in the corner of his eye: a blue flying rock, similar to the so called "Stone of Cold Fire" he and his henchmen had gone after five years earlier

When two adjectives are next to each other (blue flying) and they can be switched around without making the meaning awkward, there needs to be a comma between them.
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The opening scene was very successful at instilling a positive feeling in the readers. We could really feel that good was going to be coming. This was handled by portraying very pleasant weather followed by a blunt round of humor. Though the plot was not revealed yet, we could smile about it already.

You created a subtle explanation of how he was living on his own. Flash backs are nice, but being able to integrate the past into the present of the story is a really pleasant feat. Accomplished by mentioning a routine, we could look at what has been while looking at the here and now. Very interesting way of teaching us what’s been happening.

With an increase of humor, caused by the squid incident, the smile we had earlier has been changed into a full-on laugh. The story continues to increase the cozy feeling of what’s going on. The mood of the story is as bright as the bright circle. This kind of technique is very useful for either setting the stage for a time of peace, or setting us up to be surprised when things suddenly take a turn for the worse.

Next, we cut to mystery. Before this, you were gradually increasing our mood for the story, then when you implemented something we can’t fully understand yet, you began to next increase our interest in the plot more. At this point, all we can do is wonder about this new, young flyer Pterano is associating with, but leaving us with only that one option, you’ve allowed a window of opportunity to truly surprise us with who he really is.

This new character you created, Devon, was created in a very popular fashion. Some characters are shown at first as very unlikable, and the readers slowly start to feel for him or her. Some characters make readers really wonder what’s going on, so there’s this really confused feeling on how readers will take this character. And the list of styles to introduce a character goes on and on. Here, you used the technique of making this new character instantly likable to readers. He has a good sense of humor, is kind, and really cares. When a character makes a reader want to hug him the very first time he shows up, readers are either in for a very pleasant experience as they watch this character continue, or the character has some dark secret he’s hiding that when revealed, will shock us to the core.

Devon already captured our hearts, so to see him attacked, and by his own father, no less, depending on the personality of the reader, there will be either sadness or anger. Eh, maybe both. The shining plotline has suddenly lost its cheery feel as it took a very dreary turn. It’s like walking through a grassy meadow with the prettiest of flowers, then suddenly, clouds roll in, and we are covered in darkness. Our love of Devon has suddenly become questionable. We can’t be certain at this point if he’s really a bad character, but we can see that he is involved in something unpleasant, whether he is happy about it or not.

Now fear has gripped our hearts for two reasons. One, we fear that Devon may not be as pure as he seems, and two, Pterano is clearly in grave danger. This isn’t like a lot of cliffhangers. Many of them have only two outcomes. For example, dangling from a cliff, the character in question will either fall, or he or she won’t. Right now, there are several possibilities, and we have no clue where things are heading next, but we can know that things are going to be progressing downhill. The ending was brilliant, because it had two meanings, one literal, and one figurative. The storm, on one hand, meant bad weather was approaching the area. On the other hand, a storm of unfortunate events is clearly coming up as well.

We have so much to wonder about right now. What will happen to Pterano? What is really going on with Devon? What will happen when his banishment comes to an end? I call this the triforce of curiosity. All the props on the stage are in place. Soon, the time will come for these events to be set into motion…

[Country-flyer]

This truly was an awesome story and I hope that you will continue to make other stories just as wonderful as this one.

[vonboy]

I must say that was an amazing review Friendly Sharptooth :blink:

You always have a lot to say when you post.

[The Friendly Sharptooth]

I must say that was an amazing review Friendly Sharptooth 

You always have a lot to say when you post.

Thank you kindly for the compliment. I really do appreciate it; that made my day.

[trulyfantasticme]

What da fudge! It was JUST now that I discovered those last two comments.  :blink:  

[PanickyPetrie14]

Two Words...
AWESOME and EPIC

Gee, you sure lead exciting fanfics. I must say I'm impressed, especially the part where Pterano led the shaptooth into the cave, and then the gang thought that he's dead.

I also loved the part where Pterano flew faster and thus, ending up bumping into a tree      

And the Pterano Devon moment, it's just DAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!!! I love that, oh yes yes yes  


As for my last words for this review, well it won't be about grammars    I'm just gonna say that, keep on writing and enjoy doing it, you won't regret it.    Plus you have that LBT stamp about one of your fanfics in your signature  

[LBTLover1]

short bits of chapter, but very intriguing.

[Petrie85]

I read a the beginning and I enjoyed what I read so far. Nice work.

[trulyfantasticme]

Almost Over

Five years have passed since the banishment. The Bright Circle rose in the sapphire blue sky on a warm, Spring morning out in the Mysterious Beyond, not a single cloud in the sky. Far walkers slept in the dripping forests, curled up in fetal position. A longneck lifted his head up, letting out a heavy yawn. He waited for the sun to be fully risen before he would wake his herd so he could move on in their journey. Sharpteeth, about miles away from the herd, awakened as well, the patriarch waking his family for a morning hunt.

The sun rose higher and higher into the perfect blue sky, reaching the mountains like a giant ocean wave of sunshine, consuming the world into daylight once again. Rays of light reflected off the mighty mountains that separated the legendary Great Valley and the open Mysterious Beyond. The longneck let out a loud roar, signalling the herd that it was time to wake up and move on. The sharpteeth had begun their hunt, searching for a good meal to consume. Every creature is awake here in the Mysterious Beyond.

All...except for one flyer.

A frog leapt next to a giant red foot, letting out a small croak afterward. As if it were some sort of alarm for the flyer beside the amphibian, the frog recieved a kick in the head. Shocked, frightened, and having no idea what had hit the poor little guy, the frog hopped out of there, never to be seen again.

Pterano opened his dark blue eyes, letting out a deep yawn as well. "Morning already?" he mumbled to himself, stretching his orangish red body out before getting up to his feet. He strolled towards the cavern enterance. "Two more weeks, Petrie...two more weeks." he whispered softly to the wind as if he was talking to his nephew. Ah yes, two more weeks indeed. Then his banishment would end and he would return to the Great Valley. He would work things out with the Great Valley Council and start a new life. All five years of being away from home nearly drove him insane. He longed to be back in the Great Valley. He longed to see his family again, his sister, his nephews and nieces. But most importantly, he longed to see Petrie again. He longed to see that lively face Petrie had when he saw him. His dark eyes were so full of life, and his voice, although annoyingly squeaky, sounded like music to his ears. He missed him, very much actually. A tear almost escaped his eye, but he wiped it away, and focused his mind on something else.

Breakfast. Grrr! There goes his stomach already. Well that was easy. One minute he had his mind on his family, and breakfast the next. Perhaps it was one of those times where hunger is a good thing. With that being thought of, he took off to the skies, allowing the wind pass under his wings. He was in for a big surprise.

Splash! Pterano's sensitive hearing could pick up a tiny burst of water. It caught his attention as he flew to check out the scenario. A fish. A fish hopefully big enough to satisfy him for the morning. The fish swam closer towards the red flyer, totally unaware that it was about to become food. Pterano flew to a lower altitude, waiting for the right moment to strike.

When the fish was beneath him, he took a dive for it. He burried his beak into the water, snapping it on the fish before it could flee for it and returned to altitude. He consumed the fish, taking in the raw flavor, which was a delight to the flyers. He swallowed, letting out a heavy sigh. He wanted more.

Splash! He turned, and spotted something bigger and better than a fish. He could hear his stomach grumble at the sight. He didn't know exactly what it was, but it sure looked tasty. So, with a satisfactory smile, he took a dive for it.

With his catch in his hind claws, he flew to the beach. He landed on the hot sands, and leaned against a boulder. He took a sigh and gazed up at the rich blue sky. It was like summer, and he could just jump into the Big Water and swim as much as he possibly could and let his body get soaked by the nostalgic moisturizing sensation of the ocean. That actually sounded very tempting right now. But first, he had to finish his meal. He widely opened his beak to consume his meal.

Only to get squirted in the face by a sticky, jet-black substance.

"WHAT THE-!!!" Pterano exclaimed, spitting out the substance. He looked at his meal, and he it didn't take long for him to figure out what this sticky, jet-black substance is supposed to be. Ink. And what animal does ink come from? Squids! Yes that's right! Pterano caught a squid! "I hate squids!" he boomed, angrily throwing the squid back into the ocean. He was interrupted by hysterical laughter.

"Gross! Yer beak was open!"

Pterano got into a fighting stance, taking action as he prepared himself for what may fly at him next. "Who's there?!" he scowled, gritting his teeth to show that he wasn't afraid to use them. The voice sounded oddly familiar, like he knew that voice. It could have been an old friend or something, but then again, it's the Mysterious Beyond. You'd always have to be cautious of your surroundings, he learned that the hard way. The hysterical laughter continued, and Pterano unsheathed his claws. "Show yourself! Or I'll-" Shock cut him off that time.

A young flyer, looking the age of twenty or twenty one revealed himself as he stepped up to the older flyer. His laughter continued, as he held his stomach in hysteria. He was a cearadactylus, jet black covered his back and the ousides of his wings, as well as his head. But a night sky shade of blue covered his body and the insides of his wings while a grape-ish purple covered his neck ring. "Ohh Pterano, ya do the dumbest things, duncha old flyer?" he asked in a Southwestern accent.

"I do not!" he defended, crossing his arms across his chest, but also letting out a small smile as well.

"Aww come on! That's the second squid accident ya had so far! Not to mention that sting ray accident that happened a few years ago, hmm?" The young flyer said, nudging the old flyer gently.

"I hate those two!"

"Pterano, ya hate everything that makes a fool outta ya! Squids, sting rays, trees..." the blue flyer laughed at the thought. Pterano scoffed in response. "Well old flyer, are you gunna gimme a hug or am I gunna have to leave?" the blue flyer spreaded his wings, turning around in the process.

"Okay, okay! Come here, you!" Pterano chuckled, opening his wings.

"Now THAT'S what I'd like to hear!" the blue flyer exclaimed, throwing his black arms around Pterano's neck, hugging him tightly. Pterano returned the favor, wrapping his strong arms around his friend.

"How's it going, Devon?" the red flyer asked curiously.

"Ah same as usual, I haven't changed a bit." Devon chuckled at that. "I just had no one to talk to." he smiled at Pterano as he said that and the red flyer ruffled his head in response. "How have you been?" Devon asked.

"Neutral, like always. As you see," he pointed at the ink that still smothered his face. "I haven't changed a bit either. But anyways, look how you've grown!" Pterano pointed out. "Goodness, you've grown taller! Now turn around, let me look at ya!"

Devon turned his back to Pterano, standing up in pride. "Wow, it only seems like yesterday you were a young teenager dealing with his dad. And now, you're a full grown flyer." Pterano commented, taking the boy's hand. "So tell me, you got any girlfriends yet?" he winked at him when he said that.

"No, not yet." Devon chuckled, winking back. "So how about you? Have you found a mate?"

"No, not really. I don't really know that much flyers out here except for you." Pterano replied, with a solemn look on his face. Come on, start a new subject! he thought to himself. "So, it's been a while hasn't it?"

"Yeah...at least two years. Although it feels like three. I really missed you." Devon said, nuzzling the old flyer gently.

"I missed you too, son." He returned the favor, enjoying the brush of Devon's skin against his. They stayed that way for a rather long time, enjoying eachother's presense. They fell into a silence as though they had fallen asleep. After about ten or fifteen long minutes, Devon noticed that there seemed to be an eerie hint of despair that came from the red flyer next to him. "Pterano?"

"Yeah?"

"You miss yer family, don't ya?"

"Yeah, I've been missing them a lot lately. It has been five years since I last saw them, you know."

"At least yer banishment is almost over, I mean, it is the fifth year, right?"

"Yeah." Pterano replied, looking at Devon now.

"Then why don't we just go visit them now? I'm sure they'll be very happy to see ya!" Devon exclaimed, intending to at least put a smile to Pterano's face.

Pterano gave him a small grin, but then frowned. "That's the problem. I can't be there for another two weeks!"

"Oh...well...it could be worse. I mean, at least you weren't banished forever, right?"

"You sure are right about that one." Pterano said, getting up now, wiping the ink off his face with a treestar.

Devon turned his gaze to the forest, and then back to Pterano, sighing. As much as he would like to stay, he had...a rather important meeting to attend to. An important meeting that he really wanted to miss. It broke his heart to say this next thing. "Anyways...I gotta get goin..." he said that rather reluctantly, and Pterano almost sensed that something was wrong, but he shrugged it off.

"Same here, I've got to get back to my cave and think."  he replied, and Devon nodded in response. A silence fell between the two again, but Pterano decided to break it. He placed a fatherly hand on the the young flyer's shoulder. "Devon?"

"Yes...Pterano?" Devon responded, looking up at the red flyer now.

"During this...exile," he spoke softly. "I don't know what on earth I would do without you."

"Ya'd probably get squirted in the face at every meal." Devon teased, sending a smirk to his friend.

Pterano cuckled, showing a proud fatherly smile towards the younger flyer. "You," he rubbed his shoulder lightly. "You and that sense of humor that keeps me going." He pulled the boy into a tight, loving hug. "Thanks for being there for me, son."

Thanks for being there for me, son. Those words echoed in Devon's head like a ghost from the past. He opened his eyes wide and then closed him, wrapping his arms around the red flyer. Come to think of it, Pterano is kind of like a father figure to him. He felt his friend's hands rub up and down his back and then tighten around him, pulling him closer. Aw man! Why did Pterano have to make things so hard? "I love you," Pterano whispered, placing a kiss to the cheek.

That did it. That totally did it. Pterano, you have no idea how much those words of yers mean to me, he thought to himself. A tear escaped his eye as he held on to the old flyer, clutching to him tightly like he never wanted to let go. Pterano loosened his hold on Devon for a second, only for the blue flyer to tighten his hold. The red flyer chuckled, and he pulled the boy closer. He choked out a sob, trying to hold in his tears. He couldn't let Pterano see him cry...not now. A few more tears fell down his hot cheeks as a gentle breeze went through their wings.  

Devon quickly wiped away his tears before they broke the hug, smiling fondly at eachother. "See ya around?" Devon offered. Oh he'll see him around alright.

Pterano placed a gentle claw on Devon's hot cheek, smiling softly at him. "Of course." he replied, stroking his cheek. He allowed his hand to slip from his cheek and turned around to spread his wings.

"Don't you go bumpin into trees on the way, Pterano." Devon teased, smirking.

Pterano laughed heartily at his comment. "Of course, Devon...of course." With that, he took off into the skies, once again, allowing the air currents  to flow under his wings.  

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*climbs up the last steps of the Jade Palace* I'M COMIN! *pant* Ahh! Made it! *pant* Woo!

So yeah peeps, one year ago today, I started the masterpiece known as Lost in a Forest and I'd just thought I'd rewrite a little scene in honor of Lost in a Forest. YAY ME!!  

Now...YOU'D BETTER LEAVE FEEDBACK OR I WILL DRAW YOU IN PRETTY PINK DRESSES!!!   As for the girls, I'll dress them like...wait for it...

HANNAH MONTANA!!!

If you like Hannah Montana, well, I'll just dress you in EASTER BUNNY COSTUMES!!! DUN DUN DUUUUNNN!!!      

So with that being said...

Enjoy.