The Gang of Five
The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: Adder on August 03, 2010, 04:50:27 PM
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I am writing a new sixty chaptered fanfiction, I have yet to come up with a real title for the fanfictions.
But it isn't actually involved with Out of the Shadows, although there are multiple references to the events of it.
I am planning on using charcters from all thirteen movies it and the tv series in it.
I can't actually post hear do the amount of violent content and profanity in it. But I'll post links to the chapters and updates.
I am planning on writing 2500 worsd per chapter, which means it will have 150,000 words when its all done.
I'm hoping it will recieve alot more reviews than my other stories, which haven't been getting to many there for some reason, even Blood Ruby hasn't.
The actual rating is M for Strong Graphic Bloody Violence with Disturbing Gross Content and Language.
Chapter 1 is currently done with 2539 words, and I'm currently working on the second chapter of the story. But I deleted it from fanfiction.net until can come up with a good title for it, if anyone wants the chapters I'll send you a personal message with them in it.
But what you see in the rating is what's in it, nothing more than violence and profanity.
Don't ask me to post it hear, I'm not gonna break the rules of the site.
Also, can someone people hear help me come up with a good title for story? So people at fanfiction.net don't think I just stold Kacie's story title or idea.
Edit by Mumbling: No need to call your fanfiction exactly 'Out of the Shadows', I changed it to untitled fanfiction. Perhaps it would be best to do that on fanfiction.net too until you have found a better title :)
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Eh, the intro is almost word-for-word, torn straight from Out of the Shadows.
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Eh, the intro is almost word-for-word, torn straight from Out of the Shadows.
I'll change it when I can think of something, I just read Out of the Shadows, so it was fresh in my mind, sorry. If I can think of something else, I'll change it soon. I had a feeling this would happen. Next time I right a fanfiction, I won't read anything else before it.
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I might check this out. No joke.
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I might check this out. No joke.
Well, if you do. I'm warning you now, there's a bit of language and alot of blood.
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I might check this out. No joke.
Well, if you do. I'm warning you now, there's a bit of language and alot of blood.
I've watched people die on tape. (Don't ask) I think I can handle fictional blood and violence.
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Next time I'd better remind myself not to fill up on food right before I read something as gory as having your belly ripped open. I just about fried my laptop with partially digested homemade pizza :x.
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So scrattelover, I'm reading the first chapter right now and I notice that there are a few things that may need improving... Would you mind if I wrote a review on fanfiction for the chapter? I can tend to get very honest in what I write, but I don't aim to offend.
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So scrattelover, I'm reading the first chapter right now and I notice that there are a few things that may need improving... Would you mind if I wrote a review on fanfiction for the chapter? I can tend to get very honest in what I write, but I don't aim to offend.
Sure. You can review. Just click "review this chapter" at the bottom of the page.
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I just uploaded a longer version of the first chapter with the fixes Campion1 suggested I should do.
For some reason he also asked what's with the gore and profanity? :confused
It should show up in a half hour, it's still 192 words shorter than what I want. But it's ALOT longer than before.
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Apparently I think fanfiction ripped the last few words from me for some reason. I basically said Topsy would slap Cera if she said anything like that, or something.
Please explain the "fixes" I meant
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Please explain the "fixes" I meant
The part where you suggested changing "blood red eyes staring at her" to "saw two massive eyes sharply leer at her"
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Please explain the "fixes" I meant
The part where you suggested changing "blood red eyes staring at her" to "saw two massive eyes sharply leer at her"
I came up with that line in under 5 seconds. It's not professional in any way. I would just like for you to see that you're kinda making the characters act unlike themselves, and that there are a few errors in the story.. The overall direction is ok, but it needs some tuning. I'm not one to dictate though. They're just suggestions.
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Please explain the "fixes" I meant
The part where you suggested changing "blood red eyes staring at her" to "saw two massive eyes sharply leer at her"
I came up with that line in under 5 seconds. It's not professional in any way. I would just like for you to see that you're kinda making the characters act unlike themselves, and that there are a few errors in the story.. The overall direction is ok, but it needs some tuning. I'm not one to dictate though. They're just suggestions.
Well if you notice any more goofs, its fine if you post here or review to tell me. So what are the other errors and thins that need tuning?
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Well if you notice any more goofs, its fine if you post here or review to tell me. So what are the other errors and thins that need tuning?
I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for the review, I used up all the characters I had available. (10,000 max) PM me the link whenever your new version is out, and I'll look at it. And, just for fun, I might draw some comparisons between this and the movie Alien later.
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I might draw some comparisons between this and the movie Alien later.
I never seen the alien movies, so I didn't know the line: "Get away from her you b******" is from the alien movies.
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That's a shame.
Here is my review if anyone wants to see it: http://www.fanfiction.net/r/6203627/ (http://www.fanfiction.net/r/6203627/)
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I'll send you this thing in PM
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Actually Campion, you should probaly copy all this and send it to me in a message and change what you wrote to "never mind" cause pretty much everything in that is against the site rules.
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Littlefoot cuts in, "Calm down Cera, I know your mad, but you already tried to kill him once, remember, and you already died once. So don't do it okay? I don't want to lose you again. It was hard enough having to lose you once. I've already lost Shorty twice, and I have a feeling we won't get him back either."
... WHAT!?!? :wacko
If you read Out of the Shadows (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2550278/1/bOut_b_of_the_bShadows_b), then you'd know what that's a reference too.
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that is questionable, but I'll send it via your request
If you read Out of the Shadows (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2550278/1/bOut_b_of_the_bShadows_b), then you'd know what that's a reference too.
Another thing is, you didn't write that fanfic. So I'm not reading it... Sorry.
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Another thing is, you didn't write that fanfic. So I'm not reading it... Sorry.
Why? Its very good, better than my story by a long shot. Very discriptive, characters are like themselves (expect spike), hard not to read. If you read it, you'll like it. I'm serious, anyone else here would say the same thing.
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Another thing is, you didn't write that fanfic. So I'm not reading it... Sorry.
Why? Its very good, better than my story by a long shot. Very discriptive, characters are like themselves (expect spike), hard not to read. If you read it, you'll like it. I'm serious, anyone else here would say the same thing.
Because I have an unhealthy obsession with reading flawed stories compared to better ones. I also love writing line-for-line reviews for them, even though no one will ever read them except my friends. I will make more in the future
Another good question is, when is your next chapter coming?
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Another good question is, when is your next chapter coming?
I'm still trying to get the first finished, I don't even know what I'm gonna do for 2-60 yet. I've still got a little more to write for the first chapter.
Oh, and I don't want to hear about the profanity problems in reviews, I already know what the mean (blame my friends for that, their rough talkers).
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Another good question is, when is your next chapter coming?
I'm still trying to get the first finished, I don't even know what I'm gonna do for 2-60 yet. I've still got a little more to write for the first chapter.
I'm open to help you know. *cough* :wave
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I'm open to help you know. *cough* :wave
Okay, well with Chapter 1, I still need it to get to 2500 hundred words, so I need 192 more.
Once you get that written (if you choose to) send it to me in personal message.
If I'm ever having trouble writing a chapter, you can help with writing. I'm doing 2500 words a chapter. So I might need some help. I will credit you as a writer on chapters that are done so with. I'm just not used to writing long chapters, but that's why I'm doing this. So I become a better writer.
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Okay, well with Chapter 1, I still need it to get to 2500 hundred words, so I need 192 more. Once you get that written (if you choose to) send it to me in personal message.
As in some review? I'll do it when you add more stuff
If I'm ever having trouble writing a chapter, you can help with writing. I'm doing 2500 words a chapter. So I might need some help. I will credit you as a writer on chapters that are done so with. I'm just not used to writing long chapters, but that's why I'm doing this. So I become a better writer.
Hey! Don't sweat yourself on quantity bro. Write as much as you feel comfortable with. I understand wanting to write a long story, but good stuff takes time. Spend weeks on it if you have to. I can help with writing in story sure, I guess, although I'm not sure what to think if this relative of other fanfiction, as you have stated. I can try coming up with cool stuff if you ask
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Acutally, what I meant was. Can you write the last 192 words for me, and send it to me in a personal message? Try and keeping going like the start of the story, okay?
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Acutally, what I meant was. Can you write the last 192 words for me, and send it to me in a personal message? Try and keeping going like the start of the story, okay?
That's a huge favor. Why not come up with some ideas, send them to me, and I'll tell you what sounds nice? Maybe even spice them up a little, or recommend some of my own.
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That's a huge favor. Why not come up with some ideas, send them to me, and I'll tell you what sounds nice? Maybe even spice them up a little, or recommend some of my own.
How's this sound:
Have it mostly about the survivors trying to get back to the part of the valley where the adults are. But try and only write 192 words.
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That's a huge favor. Why not come up with some ideas, send them to me, and I'll tell you what sounds nice? Maybe even spice them up a little, or recommend some of my own.
How's this sound:
Have it mostly about the survivors trying to get back to the part of the valley where the adults are. But try and only write 192 words.
Survivors of what? Are you talking about my fanfic?
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Survivors of what? Are you talking about my fanfic?
Remember, Hyp, Mutt and Nod got killed, leaving Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Ruby and Rhett. That's who I was talking about trying to get back to the adults.
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Chapter 2's been started, but thank Campion1 for that. He gave me the plot idea for the second chapter, he even did a spell and grammer check for me. I removed the fanfiction from the website for a while, but I'll send anyone chapters 1 and 2 if they request them. I added alot more to chapter 1, and only 1/3 of the second is written so far.