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Land Before Time: Twilight Valley

Serris · 237 · 31897

Cancerian Tiger

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I guess they're not familiar with the saying that "A good soldier never leaves a man behind."  I don't even think our military would just abandon POWs with the knowledge of their whereabouts :anger.  I think it's awesome that at least some of the others are taking the initiative to go rescue Ducky.  I especially love Cera's "Screw 'em" mentality; it's so fitting to her character :lol.


Serris

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Chapter 28 is online!  :DD
 
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There's a TINY bit of shipping in here. You'll love this pairing, CT.

Chapter 28

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Author's Notes

Isla, Sorna and Nublar along with their herdmates were intended to be sickleclaws as a shout out to Jurassic Park but due to problems with dialogue and plot, the idea had to be scrapped.


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Cancerian Tiger

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Indeed, I did :smile!  That was a cute scene between those two.  Ducky knocking Ms. Maia upside the head with a big stick was awesome :D!


Caustizer

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I'm glad that finally a threehorn of action is given Generalship of the valley. Topsy has a tendancy to over-react to the littlest of things, but in this case it's a good quality that the defenders of the great valley can use.

In this chapter I also noted how incompetant of an airforce commander Pterano is. His flyers spend all day drilling, flying in formation, etc. but he never actually gives them any missions to put their skills into practise.  It's the equivilant of Britain taking it's pilots through training exercises while Germany is bombing out the nearby cities and towns. Pterano's flying corps hasn't even scouted out the Great Valley yet in an effort to gain intelligence for an attack.  If Blue-scale was the first to be grilled by the Great Valley's inhabitants I can see Pterano coming next.  :rolleyes

...

Pardon my critisim in this next part, but a good review always includes both.

It's a good chapter, but overall it's really similar to the older ones - the valley council makes some sort of announcement or change but nothing ends up getting done (the gang was planning to leave on their own anyway with or without the support of the general), a montage where Mr. Bigmouth shows off his newest poison/weapon, and a bloody battle that Claw Valley inevitably loses. Apart from the Ducky-Rytho romance scene this chapter was very predictable.  Change things up, and surprise us once in a while!

Look forward to the next installment,

Caustizer.



Serris

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That was mostly a filler chapter so I more or less had to recycle.

I also want to point out the psychology of the Great Valley dinosaurs (this will actually be mentioned in the next chapter) . The Claw Valley dinosaurs, being mostly predators are more offense oriented while the Great Valley dinosaurs, being (mostly) herbivores are more defense oriented. Obviously, the Great Valley dinosaurs have to change their mode of thinking and that is what is what will be occurring on in the later chapters.

Well, that's my response to Caustizer's review.

Thank you, Caustizer and Cancerian Tiger for reviewing!

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Serris

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Chapter 29 is coming up tomorrow!

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Serris

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Chapter 29 is now up!  :DD  :yes

Something MAJOR happens but I will not spoil it!

----------------------------

Author's Notes:

The idea of the Sky Hunters wearing a unique piece of identification (the Hunter Spearhead) is based off idea that soldiers may have patches/tabs signifying that they are qualified in a certain task or they are specially trained. However, you are probably not going to be seeing any dinosaurs wearing the equivalent of military medals...

The name "Berg" is a reference to Steven Spielberg and the proposed binomial name for the Utahraptor: Utahraptor spielbergi.

Vio's "funeral" was inspired by the scene where Simon's body drifts out to sea in the 1963 adaptation of William Golding's novel Lord of the Flies.

Longtailed flyer = Rhamphorhynchus

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Caustizer

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Now this is a unique and interesting angle for Twilight Valley - leaf eaters on the offensive!

This chapter raked up quite the body count, which in my mind is something that should happen in a war story like this when you compare it to how mellow the previous chapters were.  That being said, I thought the scene of the Sickleclaws ripping apart the Fast Runner to be a too bit graphic - you could have omitted some parts about the organs (ie just refering to them as 'meat' etc.).

Something I've noticed about the story up to this point is that Claw has yet to be brought to justice for anything - none of their high rankers have been killed or wounded (Ms. Maia discluded, but she's more of a traitor then a henchdinosaur) and Exicidium is pretty much free to do whatever he wants (in terms of slaughter and mayhem).  Judging from this chapter Claw definately has military superiority, and is going to take quite the effort to defeat - a point that you have made very clear is this was your goal.

I'm glad for the update on the situation in Cloud Island, but I feel horrible to say that I felt nothing when Vio died.  Up to this point in the story we only know that (A) he is a good fighter and (B) he was a former prisoner on the island. It felt to me that you wanted him to be more important to the story then he was portrayed as, and ultimately wanted us to mourn him too along with the rest of the dinos present.  When performing funeral rights on a character it would be best to ensure that it is only embelleshed when the character was very important to the story (for example, I would expect a funeral if Coatal or Diemos died but not someone like Ed or Ptyrax who we don't really know enough yet).

Anyway thats my two cents, and as long as you keep writing I'll keep reviewing.

Caustizer.


SouthPawRacer

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Can't really say anything that Caustizer hasn't already said. The Fast-runner being mutilated was rather graphic, but nothing I couldn't handle.
The only quibbles I have with this chapter, and the story in general, are these:
-"On it" doesn't really sound like something Pterano would say... :unsure:  
-Could be wrong here if I haven't read into the story enough, but over the course of Twilight Valley, it's seemed to me that most of your own characters haven't been given a proper introduction; it's like they're just "there" and they're somehow involved in the story. In the past it's had me saying "Wait, who's this guy again?" Of course, I probably haven't been paying enough attention... :lol

I seriously love where you're going with this. I've read every single chapter, and can't wait for the next one.

Keep writing... :smile


Cancerian Tiger

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Aww, poor Vio :cry.  I actually felt sad when he died.  Before that, I had feared Ms. Swimmer would be the one to get whacked, seeing that she took on a couple of serious injuries.  I'm so glad it was not her, but I still feel bad it was one of the good guys that died :(.


aabicus (LettuceBacon&Tomato)

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Poor Vio. :( I should be sad, but I had actually feared for a while that an established character like Chomper ot Strut was going to get whacked. It still was sad, though.


Serris

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Well, the chapter is coming along pretty well. I may try and have it up tomorrow or Sunday.

--------------------------

There is some mention of dinosaur weapons tech slightly advancing. Mostly experimental ones though: flails made from a rock, vine and a tree branch; bolas; stone headed darts

I will state that slings will be used by the Great Valley forces (The TWV RP had a Great Valley slinger corps).  

Granted, I may decide to put up a weapons list of pretty much every weapon used in the fic.

The bow and arrow is a Stone Age weapon and it was used in the Insane Cafe 3 by the Great Valley dinosaurs. However, it will only be mentioned in passing. I am considering a scene where some Great Valley dinosaurs encounter some hostile Mysterious Beyond dinosaurs who use bows, though.

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Caustizer

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Every time I read or think about twilight valley now all I can think about is how awesome it would turn out in the Future Wars version.

The VDF and Claw factions are so well developed now in my notes, if I had the modding and artistic skills I could make a game out of it.

...

VDF has no power plants, so can build unlimited defenses and structures, but has a unit limit based on the amount of Arboriums you construct.  This makes the Valley Defense Forces advantaged in a defensive situation.

Claw has no unit limit, so can build unlimited soldiers and vehicles, but has energy to power it's structures and defenses based on the amount of Talon Cores you construct. Understandably, this makes Claw ideal in offensive situations.

VDF Heroes:

Great Haven (aka Great Valley)
- Starts with Littlefoot's Brontodon 'Doc', a massive four legged walker which possesses a powerful frontal shield that can be activated at will to protect your army from enemy fire.  The main weapons (ie. the Exo Cannons) don't activate until you construct Bigmouth's Armoury and a Battle Center.
- Great Haven's armies are focused on technological superiority, hence the Battle Center and Brontodon walkers are 25% cheaper then the other factions of VDF.

"Me and 'Doc' are here to help,"

Dawn Haven
- Starts with Sonic Ruby, who has a powerful Sonic Resonator that is effective versus masses of vehicles, but is not truely powerful until she kills enough opponents to be promoted to the Savoir rank.  (VDF ranks go Exemplar = Veteran, Savoir = Elite Veteran, Harbinger = Best of the best)
- Dawn Haven's armies are focused on masses of foot soldiers, and hence infantry coming out of the VDF Training Ground are 25% cheaper then normal.

"Here to lend a hand... well not to lend an actual hand, more like a sound wave..."

Verdant Haven
- Starts of with the Cardio-cropter, a flying aircraft that is a fusion of flight, medical, and repair divisions of VDF.  Petrie and Ducky are glad to be apart of one of the VDF's first race-collaberative experiments, and using their combined abilities can heal masses of infantry and vehicles in both down times and active battle situations.
- Verdant Haven's armies concentrate on being economically sound, and so enjoy a 25% increase in Arborium productivity.

"Me here for you!"
"It is pretty high up here, it is, it is,"

...

Claw Sector
- Starts with the Deliverator, a ravenous grinding machine that draws enemy vehicles towards it with it's tractor harpoon and breaks them down, providing a decent refund to it's owner.  Hasta is all too glad to put this devilish crawler to the test, and delights in the inevitable death all of his targets experience.
- Claw armies are the most aggressive of all sharpteeth forces and favour the support of their advanced technology before taking to the field to harvest their prey.  Hence Claw Sector can construct the Black Tech Division 25% cheaper then the other sectors, as well as building the deadly Tyrannotron mechs 25% cheaper then normal.

"Vehicle eater reved up an ready to go,"


Fang Sector
- In tune with Fang's tendancy to avoid a direct fight, Ozzy the Chamelion Master gladly takes to the battlefield to assist upstart Fang commanders.  Not many sharpteeth, or rather meat eaters, can attest to having their own satellite in orbit, but Ozzy can.  He possesses no weapons, but can use his personal Icarus satelite to steal money, disable radar, and shut down vehicles and buildings with EMP.  On top of this Ozzy only wears the latest Stealth armour, so hes almost complelely invisible!
- Fang's Army's are fitted to avoid a direct fight, instead using stealth and subtlety to gain eventual victory.  In this light, all Fang foot sharpteeth begin with Stealth Armour (even lowly Sickle Packs) to hide them from visibility and make all your attacks quite surprising.

"Unless you've got an egg then stop giving me away runt..."

Scythe Sector
- Due to the incredable size of the Scythe Sector, the sharpteeth here have entered into a pact with mercenary flyers in order to better guard their domains.  Apart from this however, Scythe's greatest claim to fame is Dr. Achilles, an unfortunate fast-biter who bound himself with an AI during an experiment in the Black Technology Labs.  Achilles is bound entirely within the domain of computing and electricity, with his mortal body nothing more then an empty vessel to bind his spirit to the world.  Sometimes when Scythe is threatened, Achilles will take to the battle field in his ingenious Calculator, a mobile advanced AI node that allows him to boost production figures enormously allowing armies to be quickly raised.
- Scythe armies are equiped mightily with an airforce piloted by Carniverous flyer allies, and their experience allows aircraft to be produced much cheaper then conventional Claw aircraft.  Units built out of the Death-nest are 25% cheaper.

"I predict a 100% chance of death..."

...

Essentially, each army has 1 hero that you start with depending upon the sub-faction you choose.  These units are entirely different from the Commando units, VDF's Chomper and Claw's Utah and Manhatten, which tend to cause enormous amounts of destruction very quickly.

Warp Chomper:

"Who's up for a little time travel?"

Utah & Manhatten:

"Hoo-rah,"
"Introduction to destruction,"

...

What do you think Serris?

Caustizer.


Serris

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I like it but there is a conflict between the Cardio-Copter and "Power Ducky".

How can Ducky be in both places at the same time.

As for Power Ducky's quotes:

Select: "I do not like vehicles. I do not, I do not."

Attack: "Railgun firing. It is, it is."

Moving: "Yep, yep, yep."

Under attack: "My armor is being damaged!"

------------------------

On a side note, can you please put this (and anything related to TWV: Future Wars) in a separate topic? Thanks.

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Caustizer

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Quote from: Serris,Nov 8 2009 on  11:56 AM
I like it but there is a conflict between the Cardio-Copter and "Power Ducky".

How can Ducky be in both places at the same time.

As for Power Ducky's quotes:

Select: "I do not like vehicles. I do not, I do not."

Attack: "Railgun firing. It is, it is."

Moving: "Yep, yep, yep."

Under attack: "My armor is being damaged!"

------------------------

On a side note, can you please put this (and anything related to TWV: Future Wars) in a separate topic? Thanks.
In the VDF most of the swimmers recruited are placed within the medical corps, due to their small size in youth.  All Medics are of course given powered armour, and for the first stage of the Claw-VDF conflict Ducky is a new recuit that is granted a position of privilage because Petrie is her friend and recommends her for his experimental aircraft.

VDF's primary experimental weapon is the Exo-Cannon, powerful electro-ion beams that cut a straight line like a welding beam for 10 or so meters, allowing it to cut through masses of light vehicles and heavy vehicles with equal effectiveness.  For the most part, only Longnecks work with Exo Cannons and know their secrets.

Claw is defeated when Chomper single-handedly demolishes the Doom Hammer, a massive sub-atomic cannon built by Claw's Black Labs to annialate the Great Valley.

After this occurs a series of developmental and organizational changes occur within VDF ranks, namely the introduction of Air to Air Fighters called Ramjets, and also the testing of advanced magnetic accelerators.

So basically in the first 'game' Ducky is in the Cardiocropter, but in the 'expansion' she wields VDF's first Railgun.  She comes as a hero unit to the VDF's newest ally the Lush Haven.

...


And yes I will post this stuff elseware... this above is merely a response.


Caustizer.


Caustizer

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I didn't kill your inspiration with my ramblings did I?  :confused


Serris

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Chapter 30 is online! :wow  :wow :celebrate  :cheers

Chapter 30

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Caustizer, I do have a LBT: Future Wars unit ready but this is not the appropriate place to put it.

--------------------------------------

Author's Notes

The chapter title comes from the lyrics of Primo Victoria by Sabaton, a Swedish Power Metal band. Listen to Primo Victoria (with lyrics here) here.

The original chapter title was "The Great Operation Begins (Part One)". The name comes from the same source as the current title. It was deleted because "Now We're Ready to Strike" seemed more appropriate. "The Great Operation Begins" will serve as chapter name for a later chapter.

The idea of red fruit juice being used to simulate weapons hits is directly inspired by the use of simulated ammunition in modern military/police training.

Ironically, the part where they are holding a "memorial service" for their dead was written on Veterans' Day.

Also, Rhett, Tippy, Tricia, Tria, Dinah, Dana are implied to have died in the Battle of the Great Valley.

Thanks to Caustizer for the idea of having Mr. Threehorn use single species squads.

Tyr is the name I gave to Chomper’s father and Ranno is the name I gave to Chomper's mother.

Thanks to Cancerian Tiger for suggesting the interrogation method of locating Cloud Island.

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Dark Pterano

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I found it just a little confusing about Chomper's dad and mom's names, of Tyr and Ranno. It kind of sounds too much like Pterano's name if you think about it?! I'm not saying you have too, but it might be a good idea to come up with a couple of better names for Chomper's mom and dad. Just so it's less confusing!?

PS, Here a couple of names that might be better, in fact one of the names I heard in the Ice Age 3 movie. There's one part when Buck says something about a T - Rex or T - Rachael?!

Chomper's dad: Rex (T - Rex)

Chomper's mom: Rachael (T - Rachael)


SouthPawRacer

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Very interesting chapter. Rather slow-paced, but that's perfectly fine because it gives us time to think about other things, like the impact of the war. I can understand the reaction of Ducky's mother, and it shocked and saddened me to see that Dinah and Dana had died... :cry I also notice you've explained the relations between Deimos, Raptix and Bluescale, glad to see it. :)

I'm looking forward to the next instalment...


Cancerian Tiger

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This chapter further reminds me why I hate war so much.  On top of that, I bawled when it was revealed Cera's family, minus her father, are all dead :cry.  This chapter was pretty dark, but I guess it fits with a dark story.  I can't wait to see what happens next.