Print Page - Chomper's "Dad"

The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: Goldenwind on May 27, 2020, 07:28:16 PM

Title: Chomper's "Dad"
Post by: Goldenwind on May 27, 2020, 07:28:16 PM

Here it is! My second fic on the board. It's a bit of drama story that plays off of events that happened in the second movie. Specifically, the consequences from Littlefoot taking care of Chomper as soon as he was born. Expect this to be more down the earth than "Spike's Misadventure". :bestsharptooth It took a lot of work to write has I to do multiple rewrites to get everything to click into place. I hope you all enjoy it! :)littlefoot

Thanks to @RainbowFaceProtege for beta reading this story. The suggestions that were provided really helped me when writing this. :rainbowwave :rainbowwave

Synopsis: When Chomper accidentally calls Littlefoot his dad, Littlefoot comes to terms that Chomper might just see him as a literal father figure. How will their friendship be affected by this?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Littlefoot sighs, appearing to be in deep thought as he passes his Grandpa.

"What's wrong Littlefoot?... I thought you were playing with your friends."

The small longneck doesn't bother to turn his head to his grandpa. "I… got tired." Littlefoot said as he curls up onto his sleep circle.

"If there is something wrong, you can always talk to me." Grandpa said in a comforting tone.

Littlefoot looks up to his grandpa. "You know how when Chomper first arrived here with Ruby, me and my friends explained how we found his
egg in the Mysterious Beyond? And we brought it back thinking it was Ducky's stolen sibling?"

"I remember that pretty clearly."

"Well…"

----

Earlier that day…

"Haha! One more good kick of the seed and this game is ours!" Hyp said confidently.

"Just you wait Hyp, Threehorns do their best when the going gets tough!" Cera said with a wicked look on her face.

"I never thought a game like this would become something so big." Guido said watching from the sidelines.

"If Hyp and his friends win, we have to give up our sweet bubbles." Littlefoot said worryingly to Guido.

"B-But we are two points behind!" Petrie points out flailing with stress.

"Oh this is no good, no, no, no." Ducky said not liking how the situation is going.

Spike smirks however, having high hopes for the teamwork of Ruby, Cera, and Chomper.

Littlefoot see's Spike's confidence. "Spike hasn't given up hope, so we shouldn't either." Littlefoot said.

Meanwhile some grown leafeaters watch while they eat.

"I can never get used to seeing that sharptooth playing with those kids… It seems so surreal." A maiasaura see's this in bewilderment.

"I am not surprised they are even friends to be honest, they had their share of crazy adventures." A Styracosaurus said.

"Tiny longnecks, stones of cold fire, a jinxed hero to a friendly sharptooth. Nothing normal ever happens around here." Mr. Clubtail mutters.

"We can never be too careful… Although the worst he could do to us is give us a nasty bite, it's our children we have to watch. " Said a Corythosaurus.

"I had to talk to my kids who wanted to be with him during the last "Time of the Great Giving". They argued and used those adventurous little rockheads as an example." A Iguanodon said.

"Who are you calling a rockhead… It better not be my daughter." Mr. Threehorn steps in with a glare.

Everyone turns to him. The Iguanodon is frazzled! "Oh Mr. Threehorn! Sorry I-"

"I understand that you're wary of Chomper, and I still am myself. However, I trust my daughter, because she understands what Chomper is, as well as “who” he is… I am sure her friends do too. So if any of you are gonna insult her for that, you're gonna have to deal with me." He said with a nasty threatening look.

The other leafeaters look at each other frightened before continuing to munch down.

"That's more like it." Mr. Threehorn says with a smug look before walking over back to where Tria and Tricia were. Tricia was playing close by with Tria watching.

"I can't believe you're letting this happen Topsy. Can't you just let them share the Sweet bubbles? Tria asked, sighing as the valley gang play's against Hyp's gang.

"When I was younger, all disagreements were settled like this. It takes skill and brawn to get what you want." Threehorn smiles confidently.

"Mmm Hmm…" Tria gave a look of disagreement.

Back at the game Cera is running with the seed.

Mutt bumps in! "Haha! I got it! I got it!" He shouted happily having stolen the seed from Cera.

Chomper closes in from Mutt's right side. "Sorry, but not for long!"

Nod dashes toward Mutt to the left. Ruby appeared to be struggling to catch up to him. Nod smiled at the advantage he had. "Hey Mutt! Over here!" Nod yelled.

Mutt gives the seed a swift kick towards Nod's direction… However as the seed closes in, Ruby gives it her all and leaps right in-between and intercepts the seed. "Just as planned!"

"Gah! She hid her speed!" Hyp was frustrated.

"Fast runners are pretty fast." Ruby said, smirking. A goal seemed certain.

Hyp, not wanting to be beaten breaks into a mad sprint and breaks into a massive slide! "FOR THE SWEET BUBBLES! RAAAHHH!"

"Oh dear!" Ruby narrowly evades Hyp, but she couldn't prevent the seed getting knocked into the air. "Oh no!"

"There it goes!" Guido pointed to the seed flying up.

Everyone who was involved with the game looked up… Excepted Chomper who already predicted where the seed would land. However, something caught the sharptooth's eyes that made his heart skip a beat.

As Hyp's slide ended, he accidentally kicked up a rock that is now heading towards Littlefoot.

The moment was so quick and sudden Chomper knee-jerkenly cried out to Littlefoot: "DADDY!!"

Everyone shifted their heads to the sharptooth's cry.

Littlefoot moved his head towards Chomper's direction, and just in time as the rock just flew past his head. "Wow!"

Littlefoot was startled. However no one else noticed Littlefoot's near miss.

The leafeaters stopped eating.

Tricia stopped in her tracks with her parents having gone silent.

Those who were playing didn't bother to chase the seed once it landed.

They all just stared at Chomper wide-eyed.

Mr. Threehorn jumped up battle ready. "Where!? Where is his dad?" He looked around somewhat panicked, expecting to see a huge Sharptooth in the valley.

"It's alright Topsy, Chomper's dad isn't here." Tria said to comfort him.

"Oh…" Mr. Threehorn sighed in relief. But why did Chomper cry that out?

Chomper could feel the tension. "Did… Did I do something?"

"Did you just called Littlefoot… Dad?" Cera asked, unable to process what just happened.

Littlefoot's eyes widen and his mouth slowly gaps open. Why does he feel so shocked?
It was just a silly accident, right?
It could happen to anyone, right?

"That-that sharptooth called the little longneck dad… What does it mean?" The Iguanodon said.

"If those kids said they hatched that Sharptooth, then everything is starting to fall in place." Mr. Clubtail chuckled.

"That sharptooth thinks the longneck is his dad!?" The Corythosaurus began to laugh at the sheer craziness of it.

Chomper heard him cry out, embarrassment settled in. "It's-it's not true!"

"Littlefoot is a sharptooth dad! Littlefoot is a sharptooth dad!" Hyp and his gang cheered on.

Littlefoot's face went red from a combination of embarrassment and stress. It didn't help that the grown-ups nearby were looking at him funny. He could tell what kinds of shameful things they were thinking about him from a glance.

Cera wanted to laugh at first, but one glance at Littlefoot and Chomper made her feel sorry for the both of them. she growled threateningly to Hyp and his gang! "GRRR!! If you three don't stop it, I AM GONNA GO DOWN ON YOU!!"

"Wow! Easy!" Even Hyp felt threatened by Cera.

"Way to go Cera!" Mr. Threehorn rooted for her daughter causing Tria to give him the "Tria eye". In an instant the only thing on Mr. Threehorn's face was shame.

Chomper felt so bad that he grasped his tail hugging onto it. He hadn't felt this way since he first came to the valley. He looked to Littlefoot. "I-I-I am sorry da-" Chomper paused. It almost slipped again.

Hyp and his friends couldn’t help but break into laughter upon hearing Chomper nearly slip it again.

Cera continues to growl at them, but this time to no avail.

Littlefoot couldn't handle it anymore… He ran… He ran and didn't dare to look back. He had feelings he couldn't comprehend. He didn't know what to do in that situation nor what to say. He didn't even think about it, he just ran…

“Littlefoot! Wait!” Petrie flies after him.

Chomper felt ashamed… He started to cry and runs away… Sobbing sharptooth tears.

"Chomper! " Ruby cried out.

Chomper didn't listen, he wanted to be alone away from everyone else.

“Does… Does this mean we win?” Mutt asked.

Ducky, Cera, Ruby, and Guido glare at Mutt for his insensitivity.

----

"I bet you think I am your mamma, uh, pappa." -Littlefoot TLBT II

Littlefoot finished explaining what happened.

“I am sorry that had to happen Littefoot, but Chomper meant no harm. It was Hyp, his friends, and those grown-ups who were in the wrong for the way they acted.”

“I know it's just… I always thought Chomper moved on since he got reunited with his parents… But what if he still thinks I am like a pappa to him?" Littlefoot asked, feeling that he left a massive imprint on Chomper due to him being there to look after him when he was born.

Grandpa oddly responds with another question. "Do you find that to be a concern?…"

Littlefoot paused. He didn't have any problem with Chomper being a sharptooth at all, though… "...I wanted to be his dad at first, but he already has a family and his own dad…"

Grandpa frowns, having a sad, but true fact come to mind. "Chomper has been in the Great Valley for quite some time now, along with Ruby… He doesn't have any parents here..."

Littlefoot eyes widened, he made a great point. It just never came to him because he doesn't recall Chomper ever saying he misses his parents or anything unlike Ruby… What if… “He probably must really miss them then…”

Grandpa nods.

“Do you… think he called me daddy, because he missed his real parents and… I am the closest he has?” Littlefoot looked distraught.
“The only way to find out for certain is for you to talk to Chomper. Knowing how close you two are, I am certain you both will understand each other better.”

“I hope so…” Littlefoot said, still unsure.

---

“Littlefoot! Littlefoot! You okay?” Petrie swooped down having found Littlefoot.

“I am fine Petrie. I just needed a moment to talk to grandpa.”

“Me so glad… So sorry that Hyp and his friends insulted you. And those grown-ups not grown-ups but big hatchlings!”

Littlefoot laughs a little. “I’ve gotten over it… But what about Chomper?”

“Me left right after you did. But me think he be real sad.” Petrie saw how Chomper looked.

“I am gonna go apologize to him right now, can you help lead me to where he is?”

“Certainly!” Petrie flew close to the ground, at a speed Littlefoot could follow.

"Thanks Petrie! I am off again Grandpa!" Littlefoot shouted as he ran after Petrie.

Grandpa Longneck moves his longneck (lol) to hover his head closer to Littlefoot. "Littlefoot! Before you go, I need to say one more thing."
Littlefoot comes to a halt and turns his head back to his Grandpa. "Yeah?"

"You are a good longneck Littlefoot. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you being friends with Chomper. If anyone is giving you or Chomper a hard time, they'll have to go through the "Great Dinosaur" first." Grandpa smiles determinedly.

Littlefoot smiles as well. "Thanks." He then turns to follow Petrie.

---

Earlier…

Mr. Threehorn confronts the chattering grown-ups who were talking disrespectfully about Littlefoot and Chomper. "Stop the chatter and move along! It's over and done with! Nothing eventful happened so there's nothing to be talked about!" He yelled.

The leafeaters got up and walked away.

“Thanks for standing up for Littlefoot and Chomper dad.” Cera said looking at her father proudly.

“It isn’t right for them to treat kids like that…” Threehorn said to Tria. Trying to make himself sound mature to her and gives a confident smug look.

“It’s a shame not everyone in the valley is respectful, but that’s the way things are…” Tria said with a sigh.

"Indeed. Everyone should be more respectful to one another!" Mr. Threehorn blurted… Making Cera look at her dad unamused for being a blatant hypocrite.

“We should check on Littlefoot and Chomper as well, We should! we should!” Ducky said worriedly.

Cera pauses thinking about the poor two dinos and turns to Ducky. “Yeah, I am worried about what those two will think of each other after that. I’ve never seen Littlefoot act that way before.” Cera said, looking concerned.

“Does Chomper really see Littlefoot as a dad?” Guido asked.

“I don’t know, I don't recall Chomper ever treating Littlefoot like that since we met with each other again on that island.” Cera said with slight frustration for not understanding what he is going through.

“I am certain whatever is happening between them can be fixed if they just talk about it.” Ducky said.

Spike nods in agreement.

“That’s true, but I think those two might need some comforting first.” Tria suggested.

“... I am sure it will help if I give Chomper something that I think he would like.” Guido said as heads into the greens.

“Spike, how about you can go to Chomper and I can go to Littlefoot?” Ducky asked.

Spike agrees as he lets his sister off his head.

Ducky hops in front of Cera. “Join me Cera? This way it will be 3 for each.”

Cera thought about it, she doesn’t know what comfort she can provide, but… “Alright.” She said with slight sarcasm in her tone.

Hyp and his gang were about to steal the sweet bubbles while no one was looking.

“As for you three…” Tria said with a stern tone causing the bullies to freeze. “I think you all should go apologize for the way you acted. You really hurt their feelings.”

“We did?” Mutt looked guilty.

“Mutt…” Hyp and Nod turned to him.

“You don’t want me to get your parents involved… do you?” Mr. Threehorn said with a glare that can stand down the bravest of fast biters.

“Well… I think we may have been a bit harsh…” Hyp said crossing his arms feeling defeated. A part of him doesn’t want to antagonize the threehorn who has helped repair the relationship with his father.

“Yeah, we should go and apologize…” Nod said with a sigh.

“Good.” Tria looked at Topsy proud, causing the big tough threehorn to blush.

----

Chomper was crying alone in his cave… He sits on a rock in a big room with only company he has being his own echoes… That's until Ruby walked in and slowly approached Chomper. “Chomper… everything’s alright.” She said in a calm relaxed voice.

“No it isn’t… Littlefoot’s mad at me. I embarrassed him in front of everyone…” Chomper said, feeling very guilty. He sulks turning away from Ruby.

“You didn’t mean what you think it means.” Ruby tries to face Chomper as he avoids eye contact.

“...I...wanted to warn him of a flying stone.” Chomper said, holding his hands close to his eyes to block the tears.

“Exactly, you didn’t mean to hurt Littlefoot, you wanted to prevent him from being hurt.” Ruby said as she kneels to Chomper, trying to sound soft and comforting to her friend.

Chomper removes his hands from his face, still looking upset as he talks to Ruby. “Still… those leafeaters and Hyp’s gang…” He sniffled.

Ruby looks away for a moment unsure if she should bring something up. “Chomper… I know you don’t want to remember, but... remember how they acted to him when we first arrived?”

“...” Chomper sighs. He closes his eyes, almost cringing. “They were mean to him… and all of us, because they wanted to protect me.” Chomper remembered how scared he was with all the grown leafeaters around him, and how Littlefoot and his gang stood up to what they thought was right. It was what helped Grandpa Longneck, Ms. Flyer, and even Mr. Threehorn of all dinos to come up with the agreement that allowed Chomper and Ruby to stay.

“That’s how much all your friends care about you and how much they don’t care about what others think.” Ruby said in comfort.

“Thanks…” Chomper smiled a bit, but it quickly wavered. “Though Ruby…”

“Chomper?” Ruby looked concerned again.

Chomper shakes his head. “Nothing…”

Ruby frowned… Chomper was clearly hiding something. Something he knew Ruby was just as sensitive about.

“Chomper!!” Shouted a familiar quirky tone.

Chomper quickly perked right up. “Guido?"

Guido and Spike walked in carrying a big leaf that was filled with something.

"I am sorry how Hyp and his buds treated you. Here you go." Guido shows that the leaf he was carrying was filled with many creepy crawlies and buzzers. "I realized we have similar diets, so I thought this would be the best I could do…Spike helped quite a bit… hehe…" Guido chuckled a little nervously, hoping to raise Chomper's spirits.

"Thanks! The both of you! These are my favorites! I thought most of them were hard to find." Chomper said surprised.
amazed by Guido's dish.

Guido felt proud of himself "Why, I have a knack for hunting crawlies." He held his head high taking a humble pose.

Chomper began to chomp on the crawlies with some of the bug guts flying on Ruby who flinches and on Guido who… licks it EWWW!!

Ruby couldn't help but look away at what Timon and Pumba would call a feast.

Spike however didn't really mind it. It just made him hungry for Treestars.

---

"Hey look! It's Littlefoot" Ducky shouted pointing at a silhouette.

Cera turns with a smile "Hey!" The smile quickly fades to a serious look. "Wait a minute. The last time things were like this, we were introduced to Screech." Cera recalls the events of when Screech and his old partner, Slash, broke into the valley. Although Tria, the Tinysaurses, and eventually Topps saved the day, it was a horrific surprise.

"You do not think another sharptooth is waiting for us?" Ducky looked worried.

"Only one way to find out. Let’s hide." Cera smirks and hides herself into the bushes with Ducky following suit.

"They should be here? Where are they?" Petrie looked all over, unable to see where Cera and Ducky went he flew ahead from Littlefoot to search.

"Huh?" Littlefoot looks around not before bumping into someone very unexpected, Hyp.

"WATCH IT YOU- you… Hey." Hyp immediately calmed seeing Littlefoot.

"Hyp?" Littlefoot backed away worried that Hyp might start teasing again… though the expression on his face says otherwise.

"I… want to apologize… On the behalf of Mutt and Nod who also wish to apologize…" Hyp made Mutt and Nod stay back as he felt like it would humiliate him even more.

"You're sorry?" Littlefoot wasn't expecting that.

"Yeah… What I said back there was uncool… Especially for Chomper…"

"Do you want to apologize to Chomper too?"

"No!... Well yes but… It would be embarrassing for me! I am only apologizing to you because I know you can keep a secret!"

"Hyp… I don't see anything wrong with you apologizing." Littlefoot said with honesty.

"You don't understand… Everyone is gonna see me as a pushover if I do." Hyp slightly blushes at the thought.

"You'll definitely seem like a pushover if you don't."

Hyp's face turns bright red upon hearing Cera's voice.

Ducky and Cera emerge from the bush. "What's the point of apologizing if you're gonna go halfway?" Cera said tilting her head.

"Yep! Yep! Yep!" Ducky nodded in agreement.

"I… err…" Hyp was at a loss for words.

"Don't worry, this isn't something we make fun of. Besides, an apology from you is what Chomper needs." Cera said.

Hyps folds his arms in defeat. "...Alright…"

"There you- HYP!" Petrie hides behind Cera, hugging her leg. This causes the threehorn to growl and Hyp to chuckle.

---

"Chomper!? You there!?" Littlefoot calls outside the cave.

"Littlefoot!" Chomper runs out, happy to hear Littlefoot in a tone that was anything but sad. He freezes upons seeing Hyp and his gang.

"Hey uhh, we want to say sorry…" Hyp blurted.

"Wha-" Chomper didn't expect those words to leave Hyp's mouth.

"We were being jerks back there. I should have considered how you felt, but I didn't, and that's not an excuse…"

"Sorry…" Mutt and Nod said bowing.

Hyp couldn't believe how good that felt. It was like when he began sharing with others during the Time of the Great Giving.

Chomper smiles. "...It's okay. Thank you all." He then proceeds to hug Hyp, causing him to blush feeling embarrassed. He wanted to break free, but Mutt and Nod joined in on it too. Hyp sighs as his frown turns upside down.

Cera chortles under her breath with Littlefoot happy to see everyone is getting along again.

"Did… Did that just happen?" Guido blinked, unable to believe what he was seeing.

Ruby walked up to Guido to give him her response. "It happened." She smiled.

"Umm, well… about those sweet bubbles… You can keep them if you want…" Hyp suddenly blurted.

Ducky suggested otherwise. "We could all share them? We could? We could?"

Hyp, recalling The Time of the Great Giving again, sighs with a warm happy face. "That sounds… fine."

"Yeah, that sounds fine." Nod agreed with Hyp.

"Yep, yep, yep." Mutt said, prompting Ducky to tilt her head at him.

---

That night, after the gang continued on their day with fun and games. Littlefoot decided it was time for him to confront Chomper over the possibility of him seeing the longneck as a father and being separated from his parents.

"Littlefoot? Is there something you want to say?" Chomper couldn't help but look worried.

"Chomper, I am gonna ask you something that I want you to answer with your heart." Littlefoot looked at Chomper with a face that looked concerned.

"...Okay." Chomper was worried over what Littlefoot was going to say.

"Do you… See me as a dad?" Littlefoot asked reluctantly.

The sharptooth's pupils widened upon hearing that.

Littlefoot shakes his head in regret. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have asked that with what happened earlier I-"

"No, I am glad you asked… I want to be honest…" Chomper knew this was coming to some extent.

Littlefoot looks at Chomper awaiting a response.

"...I do sometimes. More than usual right about now."

"Chomper…"

"I can't help it! Whenever I look at you, I feel this… strong comfort that I can't describe." Chomper is ready to break into tears.

Littlefoot is worried for his friend. "Chomper, you alright?"

"No. Truth is Littlefoot, I miss my parents like Ruby… I try to keep it hidden because I don't want to make anyone else sad… But now, I can't get them out of my head. I can barely sleep in my cave anymore. Ever since we returned from Hanging rock it’s been like this."

"Chomper…" So he really does miss his parents a lot.

"I want to see them again, but unlike Ruby, my parents are wanderers. Ever since our island got wrecked by Red Claw. I don't even know where they would be." Chomper sighs.

"I think wherever they are, they want you to be safe." Littlefoot gave a comforting smile.

"Yeah… They wouldn't want me to search for them in the Mysterious Beyond." Chomper felt even sadder.

"Chomper… I don’t know if this will help, but… Even when those who you care about are far away, they will always remain a part of you..." Littlefoot said in a comforting tone.

“Thanks… Hearing that is making me feel better.” Chomper suddenly hugged Littlefoot out of nowhere. “...I am glad you were there when I hatched Littlefoot. You… feel like someone I can turn to.”

Littlefoot smiled warmly. “I am glad I was too… I am here for you Chomper… as a friend or even a dad.” He nuzzled Chomper’s forehead.

Chomper giggled a little before a thought emerged. "Littlefoot?"

"Yes?" The small longneck embraces the small sharptooth.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" The sad sharptooth suddenly asked.

Littlefoot's eyes widened. "...We have to ask Grandma and Grandpa first."

Chomper frowned.

"I am sure they'll say yes." Littlefoot said reassuringly.

---

Later on, the two head back to Littlefoot's nest area.

"Ah, Littlefoot, did you have a nice day?" Asked Grandma Longneck who didn't notice Chomper at first.

"I did." He nodded.

"Hi Mrs. and Mr. Longneck."

Grandpa smiles warmly to the two together. "Hello Chomper. What brings you here tonight?"

"Can I…" Chomper fiddles his fingers with Littlefoot motioning his head for Chomper to go on with a positive smile. "Sleep over tonight?"

The two big longnecks were surprised. They looked at each other.

Chomper gulped.

The two smiled and they both came to the same answer.

"Sure Chomper, you’re always welcome here.” Said Grandma Longneck.

“Thank you so much!” Chomper’s face finally lit up again. He felt so happy, so did Littlefoot… He wanted to break into song when… “OH! Ruby! I gotta let Ruby know I won’t be at the caves tonight!” Chomper exclaimed, running off.

“Be careful Chomper!” Littlefoot shouted.

“I will!” Chomper runs and runs and he stops. The thought just came to him. If he sleeps with Littlefoot tonight, then Ruby will be sleeping all alone. Then it hit him.

Littlefoot waited patiently with his Grandparents when Chomper returned with Ruby.

“Hello Grandma and pa longneck… I sleep with you all sleeping.” She said, feeling slightly embarrassed. But this is what Chomper wanted so she can’t argue with that.

Grandpa Longneck chuckled understanding what Chomper was thinking. “That’s alright.”

“The more the merrier I suppose.” Grandma Longneck smiled.

“I am happy to have you over Ruby.” Littlefoot says to the pink fast runner.

“Why thank you Littlefoot.” Ruby then turned to the big Longnecks. “And thank you two too.”

“Thank you so much!” Chomper shouted happily, dancing around happily. Everyone chuckled at Chomper’s silly dance.

In the meanwhile nearby, Mr. Clubtail sighs with annoyance. “Even in the Great Valley, Sharpteeth interrupt my sleep.” He muttered.

---

That night three little dinos slept peacefully next to the huge Apatosauruses. All of them having peaceful fun sleep stories. Chomper has realized that although his parents aren’t with him, his good memories and lessons are. They are always a part of him no matter what.
Chomper cuddles close to Littlefoot and Ruby in his sleep, his closest friends who will stand by him in the Valley even through the toughest of times.

Littlefoot shuffles a little in his sleep, causing Chomper to awake ever so slightly.

Chomper in a sleepy daze turns to Littlefoot and mumbles “Daddy…” Before falling right back to sleep.

THE END

Title: Re: Chomper's "Dad"
Post by: ChocoDrake on May 28, 2020, 10:47:23 AM

*Screams of pain from dying of cute overload in the distance*

I loved the idea of this very much, and the story itself was alright in my book. It's great. However the display of the text could be a bit of a turn off for some people.

Like what I'm trying to get at is the paragraphs are not broken up, this kinda seems like a nit pick but eh...

Instead of doing this.

Spoiler: Show

Doing this would make it easier to read and look better.

Spoiler: Show

Then again this might seem like a nit-pik but I loved this all the same.

Title: Re: Chomper's "Dad"
Post by: Goldenwind on May 28, 2020, 12:51:32 PM

@ChocoDrake Oh dear. XD Don't worry, I'll fix it right away. :rhett_smile

Glad you liked the story!

Edit: Okay, fixed it. XD I agree that this looks better. I should have fixed this earlier when I first posted it, but "oops-eeps". :rolleye

Title: Re: Chomper's "Dad"
Post by: RainbowFaceProtege on May 28, 2020, 11:30:41 PM

I know I've said it before @Goldenwind but great job! :chompysmile :)littlefoot There isn't really much for me to say that I haven't already said by PM, except that the scenes you decided to make changes to come across much better now. Keep up the good work!

Title: Re: Chomper's "Dad"
Post by: rhombus on June 04, 2020, 01:23:23 AM

This was quite a touching story that elaborated on the bond between Littlefoot and Chomper. It is not only true that Chomper might look at Littlefoot as a kind of father figure due to his influence, but also due to the nature of imprinting after hatching. I think in this story that you captured the characters and the emotional undertones quite well, and it was a joy to read.

The only two recommendations that I would like to suggest are these:

1) As ChocoDrake noted reformatting the text would make the narrative a bit easier on the eyes and easier to follow, especially in longer sequences.

2) There are a few instances where you shift from the present tense to the past tense in the story, which can be somewhat disorienting. Generally, unless a narrative is from a first-person perspective, it is best to keep the entire story in the past tense form.

But other than those two recommendations, I think this was a wonderful, well-written story. :) Thank you very much for sharing it with us.

Title: Re: Chomper's "Dad"
Post by: OwlsCantRead on June 26, 2020, 01:35:13 PM

This was quite charming, especially given Littlefoot and Chomper's relationship. :chompysmile Though I think his actual father might think otherwise... :areyouserious

I do think Topps was surprisingly accommodating towards the whole ordeal (especially hostile towards Hyp), but everyone's teasing and the subjects' mortification and embarrassment actually works surprisingly well, given that they are kids in the end. I did like this and can see this happening to Chomper and Littlefoot.

The Gang of Five

The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: Goldenwind on May 27, 2020, 07:28:16 PM