The Gang of Five
The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: RainbowFaceProtege on September 04, 2020, 10:18:47 PM
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:rainbowwave
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The story has only just begun and we're off with a rather fast pace, not that there's anything wrong with that, but take into account that usually too fast paced stories tend to bore the reader to an extent. Fortunately, none of that happened here. I'm glad you picked Guido for this one, because his story in the canon is largely undone and incomplete, so it is up to us fanfiction writers to fill in the gaps. Another fanfic author, Sovereign, did a similar story not too long ago, but the difference here is that Guido never met another of his species while in the Great Valley in his story. We've only just met Zephyr so we can't really judge her character yet, but I kinda like her already.
You would expect that someone like her, who knows all about the ins and outs of being a windrider wouldn't take kindly to someone so inexperienced as Guido, but thankfully their first encounter was the exact opposite. Did you come up with the species name yourself or did you find it from somewhere/did someone help you with it? In any case, it fits Guido's kind very well. I'll be looking forward to what lies for Guido in the future. Shame he didn't get to say goodbye to any of his friends, though. I'm sure he's not going to be happy about that. :(
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:rainbowwave
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The Windrider Valley Quest: https://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=16977.msg519352;boardseen#new
This initial chapter is a clear example that pacing can clearly shape a narrative and the feeling behind character interactions. In one chapter we have had:
Guido having a near-death experience (not uncommon, but still... :bestsharptooth)
Guido colliding with another of his kind
The other wind-rider telling him that others of his kind live in one place
The news that this other wind-rider was trying to escape from their valley
Guido going off with them without telling his friend
Now, normally this would be way too much in one chapter, but here it works well. It clearly establishes that things are developing at a breakneck (pun intentional considering Guido's luck :facepalm :bestsharptooth) pace. It also puts us clearly in Guido's confused state of mind.
I do look forward to seeing how this story develops. :) I am also curious to see if the gang might get involved in searching for wayward Guido. If so, we might see what happens when two valleys collide.
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I initially had a hunch this was some kind of concussion-triggered flashback, given that Zephyr acknowledged him so casually though their kind is something of a rarity. Of course, I couldn't be more wrong, but I very much prefer the route you took.
'Windrider'? That's a pretty cool designation for his species.
A 'scout' her parents sent? Hmm. Is she some saurian equivalent of a princess? I doubt they'd go to the effort for a less 'important' member of their society.
Zephyr may not have had the chance to give details, but I'm guessing these coming-of-age traditions would be particularly brutal for Guido, whose strength and flight capabilities would be subpar in comparison to most of his species. Throw in a Darwinian element and he's in serious trouble.
Great start! Kinda brings to mind Rio and its sequel. We've only had a taste, but the characterisation is quite good. Can't wait to see the world building you employ with this new valley.
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Merry Christmas @RainbowFaceProtege! I've decided to surprise a few fanfic writers with some art of their stories! Not really sure if this is allowed, but I decided to drop this here as well as here https://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=17064.msg523019#msg523019. To the admins, feel free to remove this post if this isn't the place for it.
(https://cdnb.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/034/120/169/large/ethan-alleyne-two-windriders-final.jpg?1611455182)