The Gang of Five
The Land Before Time => LBT Fanfiction => Topic started by: pokeplayer984 on July 08, 2007, 02:10:26 AM
-
I made a promise to all of you, and I am willing to keep it this time around. However, before I do so, I want to set a few ground rules.
1: Do not flame, bash, spam or troll under ANY circumstances. There is absolutely NO reason for it, and if you do, I'm sure the mods will be more than happy to deal with you. However, creative critizisim is completely allowed.
2: Do not cirtizie me for length of the chapters. I have a tendacy to write short chapters. I set a plot for every chapter and once it's fulfilled, it ends. This, often times, causes short chapters within my stories. So just throw that "Not Long Enough" comment out the window and deal with it.
3: Hate speeches are prohibited. I will be putting EVERY LBT Charcter into this story at one point or another, and I am going to go further in rating than the franchise, so I know I am bound to have hate speeches posted here. We don't like them and we don't want them, so forget it.
4: Aside from the above rules, comment as you wish.
Okay, with the ground rules out of the way, time to get the legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way.
Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction of the LBT Franchise. All LBT-related charcters featured in this fic are property of Universal Studios and their related companies. I hold no relationship to them whatsoever. This fanfic is not being made for the purpose of a profit but for the purpose of entertainment. All legal rights reserved.
Well, time to fulfill that promise.
Please enjoy the fic and don't hesitate to give a review. :)
-------
Google Docs Link: Prologue (https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1Rs7LHxxZq7eGk7dNZiOhRG2-B2aUy8pHSq4krRrt_gE)
The Adventures of Littlefoot and Ali
Prologue
The desert wind blew sand around the traveling migrating herd of nearly a hundred longnecks total. The leader of the herd, who was very old with age, braved through the sandstorm as she guided the herd to the next destination. Within the herd of longnecks, one of the young ones was walking right behind her mother to keep as much sand as possible out of her eyes. She grunted against the wind and spat out in disgust at any sand that got in her mouth.
She really didn’t like the idea of traveling through a sandstorm. It was nothing new to her, but the storm was getting rather relentless. It was near a point where it would be foolish to continue, and the young female seemed to sense this somehow.
“Mother, could you tell the Old One to stop? I think the ësand wind’ is getting too rough!” She yelled in a pleading tone.
“I’ll try, Ali!” Her mother promised to her.
The adult female walked as fast as she could to catch up with the leader. It didn’t take her long to reach the Old One.
“Old One!” She yelled, getting the leader’s attention. “Little Ali thinks the wind is getting too rough to continue! Perhaps we should stop!” She suggested.
The leader known to the herd as Old One started to consider her thought. She wanted her herd to make it to the next destination quickly, for they were within the area where getting attacked by sharpteeth was highly possible. Even though the sandstorm was good cover for them, it indeed seemed foolish to continue.
She nodded at the suggestion. “Listen up, everyone! We’re going to stop until the storm settles! Rest until then!” She commanded.
The rest of the herd gave a silent sigh of relief and settled down to rest.
“Thank you, Old One!” Ali’s mother sighed, feeling grateful.
“We can’t risk losing the children. They’re the future of this herd.” She said as she went away to rest herself.
Ali sighed in grateful relief. While within dangerous areas, the herd would circle around the children when they rested. This was mainly for the purpose of being protected from predators. However, it also provided protection from wind and heat.
Ali looked around at the other longneck children within the protective circle. Some were younger than she was and some were older, but all were strong enough to keep up with the herd.
“Hey, Ali!” A young male voice called to her.
Ali looked in the direction of the voice and smiled when she saw her friend. “Hi, Ret!” She greeted back. “I’m glad we got to rest. I really hated getting all that sand in my mouth. Ugh!” She complained in disgust.
The leaf green-eyed male laughed at the turquoise-green eyed female. “Yeah, so did I!”
They were about to continue in their conversation when they suddenly started to feel the ground rumble beneath them. The shaking within the earth and the fear in the two longnecks started to intensify. The ground started to shake beneath them.
The entire herd was stunned by fear as the earth shook vigorously beneath them. Cracks started to appear on the ground, ripping it apart with unknown strength. The cracks came towards the herd of longnecks.
“Everyone, run!” Old One commanded.
The order knocked the herd back to their senses and they started to run, kicking up sand in their wake. Ali and Ret were in the path of the dust and it got into their eyes and mouth, causing them to cough while rubbing their eyes. Being temporarily blind, the two longnecks could not see the crack that was headed towards them.
“Ali, Ret, run!” Ali’s mother called out.
However, it was too late. The ground split beneath the two. Ali’s mother could only watch helplessly as her only daughter fell into the depths of the earth.
---End Prologue---
-------------
Well, I hope you enjoyed that.
Once again, please review, and I'll see ya all later! B)
-
Well, I gotta admit, it was pretty good. I was wondering if you plan to have Rhette and Littlefoot get into some sort of confrentation in an attempt to win Ali's atttention and admiration. That'd be interesting. Anyway, keep up the good work! ;)
-
Well, I gotta admit, it was pretty good. I was wondering if you plan to have Rhette and Littlefoot get into some sort of confrentation in an attempt to win Ali's atttention and admiration. That'd be interesting. Anyway, keep up the good work! ;)
I do plan on exploring the love triangle that debuted in the TV Series. It is the first LBT love triangle I actually have a fondness for within the franchise. Littlefoot and Ret competing for Ali's heart. What's a girl to do when she loves them both? :)
-
What's a girl to do when she loves them both?
In that case most of the time one of the guys is going to find a tragic but heroic end giving his blessings to the remaining couple with his last breath. Or else the other guy may have had a hand in the tragic fate of the "one guy too much". Maybe the girl could kill of both of them :lol
I don't think any of these approaches is of much value in an LBT story ;)
-
It was a rehtorical question, Malte. :P:
But I'd say that the "one of the guys is going to find a tragic but heroic end giving his blessings to the remaining couple with his last breath" deal would work the best with LBT. :D
Now, as a hint for the next chapter, a guest charcter shall appear. This charcter only appeared in one LBT movie during the early years of LBT and never appeared in the TV Series. Can you guess who? ;)
Answer will be revealed 7/15 when the next chapter is posted.
Well, see ya later. :^.^:
-
my best guess is Archie XD I'mma be gone on the fifteenth tho :(
-
Well, here's the next chapter. So, who is it?
Read and find out. ;)
------
Google Docs Link: Chapter 1: Lost & Broken (https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1abD2Tv5ykqm7aHbAv_KsE4DiefjBc8binZItjwGpByw)
Chapter 1
Lost & Broken
Deep within the new chasm, it was extremely dark, hardly showing any light. Ali’s mother sorrowfully looked down into it and couldn’t see the bottom.
“Ali, dear! Ali, can you hear me? Ali!” She called out.
Only her echo called her back. The brontosaurus started to cry for her loss. Old One walked up to the tearful mother and rubbed her head along her own in a sign of comfort. She did this with those that had previously lost someone as her duty to being the leader of the herd.
“It’s going to be okay. You have to have faith that she is still alive, dear.” She said soothingly.
Ali’s mother sniffed, forced back the tears in her eyes and nodded at her wise leader.
“Everyone, let’s start our search to get to the young ones. Hopefully they can find a way out and get back to us safely.” She told the herd.
Everyone nodded and the herd began their mission to be reunited with the ones that were recently lost.
Meanwhile inside the chasm, the two young longnecks laid on the ground in mild unconsciousness. Ret was the first to awaken. He shook his head to wake himself up as he groaned in pain.
“Ow! That hurt!” He complained.
He looked up and could not see the top of the area they had fallen into. He struggled to stand, but was able to do so. He shook his head again and looked around the new cave. He noticed the area held multiple paths. There was no way to tell which direction would be the best to take.
Ret continued to look around the dark cave. His eyes suddenly fell upon something that brought fear into his heart. He spotted Ali lying on the ground in a state of unconsciousness. What really scared him was that the legs looked like they were in an unnatural position. Hoping she was still alive, Ret rushed up to her.
“Ali? Ali, are you okay?” He asked worriedly, shaking her.
The shaking caused her to come out of her mild state of unconsciousness. She groaned and opened her eyes. Seeing this made Ret inwardly sigh in grateful relief.
“Ow! What happened, Ret?” Ali questioned.
Ret looked up and only came to one conclusion. “It looks like that ëearthshake’ caused us to fall into an underground cave.”
“We’ve got to find a way to get back to our herd.” Ali told him.
She started to try and get up, but the moment she put weight onto her foot, pain rang through her body.
“Ow!” She cried as she collapsed back onto the ground.
“You okay, Ali?” Ret asked in concern.
“I think so.” Ali said as she tried starting with one of her other feet and met the same result. “Ow!” She cried as she fell to the ground again. “No! I don’t think so!”
Ret leaned closer to her and carefully examined the legs. “I think they might be broken.” He concluded.
“Great! Just great! If sharpteeth were around, I’d be nothing more than dinner for them.” She complained.
Ret sighed. “We have to get back to the herd.”
“But I can’t walk like this!” She sighed in sadness.
Ret looked at her in concern. He had to think of some way to get both him and Ali back to their family. Suddenly, an idea hit him. One that seemed a little uncomfortable to him, but one he was willing to go through nonetheless.
Ret turned around and so that his back was facing Ali. “Ali, climb onto my back! I’ll carry you back to the herd.” He instructed her.
Ali was shocked by this decision he had made. “Are you sure you can carry me? I mean, I’m not the lightest thing in the world, and carrying someone my size for too long could injure your back.”
“You want to be stuck in this cave forever?”
“Well, no!”
“Then do it!”
She obeyed, crawling up to him and then, using the muscles in her upper body, she hoisted herself onto his back. Feeling her starting to climb on, Ret braced his body for the great amount of weight it was about to receive. Ali got on and carefully adjusted her body into the most comfortable position possible that was also easiest for Ret.
“Okay Ret, I’m on!” She told him.
“Then let’s get out of here!” Ret said.
“Do you have the slightest idea of where to go?”
“No!” He simply said in disappointment.
“Just great!” She sighed in equal disappointment.
Hours into the walk and the duo of longnecks were just as hopelessly lost as when they had started. For all they knew, they could’ve been going in circles the whole time, especially with the fact that there were multiple paths to take within the chasm. Ali hated being able to do nothing more than just lie on her friend’s back as Ret led the way.
“So, where do you think this cave leads?” She asked, trying to start a conversation to get rid of her boredom.
“Hopefully back to the herd, or at least to somewhere where we can find someone who can mend your broken legs.” He said.
They then came to yet another fork in the path, just like the many others they had come across. One path was leading up, while the other was leading down.
“Now which way?” Ali questioned.
“This way!” He concluded, taking the path to the right, which led upward.
Ali was a little concerned as to whether or not they were going the right way, but she kept quiet, putting her full trust in her friend. However, the path they took soon led to the top of a steep hill. Ret and Ali both looked down and could tell that someone could climb down it, if they were cautious. However, it was also very easy to slip and the two longnecks knew well that, with Ret carrying Ali, it was not very wise to even try it.
“Guess we’re gonna have to go back.” Ret said.
Ali nodded and Ret turned around, but his back right foot started to slip when he accidentally touched the edge of the steep hill. This caused his back left foot to slip and as a result, caused the two to suddenly slip down the steep hill. The two longnecks gasped and screamed in terror as they slid down the hill.
The hill soon led to a small ledge that was completely horizontal. The velocity the longneck duo was traveling at caused them to go flying off the ledge and into the air. Gravity soon took over their bodies and caused them to fall to the earth.
The two longnecks soon hit, but it wasn’t the ground they had landed on. It was something a little soft that had actually cushioned their fall and saved their lives. Suddenly, what they had landed on started to move and roll over, causing them to hit the ground. The two looked up at a creature that was obviously old of age due to the many wrinkles they could see. The thing that gave its species away was the many bumps along the back that led to the tail.
“Oh, sorry for landing on you, sir.” Ali apologized.
“Humph! And what might you kids be doing here?” The stranger asked.
“Well, we got separated from our herd by a terrible earthshake, and we’ve been looking for them since.”
“Hmm. Well, I can’t say that I’ve seen any longneck herds around recently. I’m sorry I can’t help you.”
“Maybe you can.” Ret said, approaching the unknown dinosaur. “Do you know of a safe place where we can go? My friend’s leg got broken during the earthshake and we need to find someone who can mend it.”
“Hmm. I think I might know a place.” He said, smiling at the kids. “Climb on!” He said and the two obeyed, grateful they could find somewhere safe to go.
“By the way, I’m Ali, and this is my friend, Ret.” Ali told him.
“I’m Rooter!” He greeted. The trio then began their trek. “You know, Ali, you seem to remind me of someone I once ran into.” He began, getting a conversation going.
---End Chapter 1---
--------
What? You don't remember Rooter from the original LBT? For those who don't know, he was the old guy Littlefoot ran into after loosing his mother. Let the old spikeback be praised for helping Littlefoot move on. :^.^:
Well, what did you think of that one? Please Review. B)
-
Very nice and entertaining to say the least. :) Why don't you go put this on fanfiction.net?
-
This really is an entertaining story!!! I can't wait to read more....and now to end my review with a quote:
Why don't you go put this on fanfiction.net?
-
I will post this on fanfiction.net, BUT only AFTER this month when I'm done presenting it here.
Remember that after this month, I'll be taking a break from this fic, so I want to get up as much as possible here first before I go and post it at other places through August.
Putting it up on fanfiction.net won't be a problem. It's another place that is my only concern. I've written tons of fanfiction for other franchises outside LBT. Most have gone to the place I am concerned about first to be judged by others. The place at hand holds special rules when it comes to making a fanfiction. Let's just say that the people there tend to take writting a story a bit more seriously than others would.
What I really mean by this is that they really come after you when you make common beginning author mistakes. (spelling, grammer, puncuation, proper paragraphing, description, etc.) So it comes to understand that this will eventually be edited into a more professional quality throughout August. After which, I shall then present it there and hope for the best.
So, in short, it WILL be presented at fanfiction.net, but I want to get some more chapters out of the way first before doing so. :)
Now, as a spoiler for the next chapter...
Red Claw and his thugs make an appearance. Can the trio make it to the point of safety before becoming sharptooth food?
Find out next chapter.
Coming July 22. Only at The Gang of Five Forum.
Well, I gotta go now! See ya later! :^.^:
-
Hahahah! This is so awesome, man! Now this is how Ali should've really returned! I absolutely love it! I'm assuming this is the same Ret from the series, but you handled him way better. He's actually more of a friend then the way he acted in the series. Ali also appeares more smarter which I admire from you. Also, I wasn't expecting Rooter to make an apperance in the story, so that was pretty cool. I can only think of one other author that had Rooter show up, and that was none other than myself. Anyways, this is an awesome start! This is definitely gonna be one of my favorite LBT fanfics considering it looks very promising.
I'm glad to hear you'll post it on fanfiction.net eventually. You know it's a shame, not many of us authors strive to make a story look professional. If you ever seen other stories, you'd notice that most of the writers usually write horribly written story which contain Mary Sues, and the way people write them it looks like something you'd see when you're talking on AIM with words like: LOL or OMG etc. Also, have you noticed that almost all the stories I've seen are usually about relationships? Don't get me wrong, I look forward to see a relationship develop between Littlefoot and Ali, but most people don't write about plot. And the choices of stories are also the same. Most people write stories about...I don't know if I can say it here, but it begins with a Y and ends with I. It's really hard to find a story as good as this one, so I'm glad I saw it. Since it's a story about Ali, you can definatly expect me to pop my head in to read it. XD
Congrats on a fine chapter. The story is great, and I look forward to the future chapters. :yes
-
Hahahah! This is so awesome, man! Now this is how Ali should've really returned! I absolutely love it! I'm assuming this is the same Ret from the series, but you handled him way better. He's actually more of a friend then the way he acted in the series. Ali also appeares more smarter which I admire from you. Also, I wasn't expecting Rooter to make an apperance in the story, so that was pretty cool. I can only think of one other author that had Rooter show up, and that was none other than myself. Anyways, this is an awesome start! This is definitely gonna be one of my favorite LBT fanfics considering it looks very promising.
I'm glad to hear you'll post it on fanfiction.net eventually. You know it's a shame, not many of us authors strive to make a story look professional. If you ever seen other stories, you'd notice that most of the writers usually write horribly written story which contain Mary Sues, and the way people write them it looks like something you'd see when you're talking on AIM with words like: LOL or OMG etc. Also, have you noticed that almost all the stories I've seen are usually about relationships? Don't get me wrong, I look forward to see a relationship develop between Littlefoot and Ali, but most people don't write about plot. And the choices of stories are also the same. Most people write stories about...I don't know if I can say it here, but it begins with a Y and ends with I. It's really hard to find a story as good as this one, so I'm glad I saw it. Since it's a story about Ali, you can definatly expect me to pop my head in to read it. XD
Congrats on a fine chapter. The story is great, and I look forward to the future chapters. :yes
In my honest opinion, I feel that Ret only acted in such a way to get Ali's attention and become her friend because he has a crush on her. So, yes, this is the same Ret, but only AFTER the episode he was presented in. I also feel that being taught a lesson about lying had changed him for the better. To me, by the end of the episode, he was willing to start over and do things right this time around.
His feelings for her still exist and I'm willing to explore them to make the story really have a plot. The plot will really start to kick off when they make it to The Great Valley.
Oh, and if you think Rooter is going to be the only surprise guest in this, just wait. I've got more to come. After all, I did say I'm going to put ALL LBT charcters into the story. So get ready for even more surprises. :) (Just wait until you see the plans I have for Swooper and Pat. ;))
Now, I hear ya with what you say about the way people tend to write a story. It seems that there's hardly anyone who is willing to put some real effort into their story. The place I was taught on how to present a story, that I plan to eventually post this at, has ZERO tolerance for mediorce writing. They taught me quite well from the start and I shall always respect them for that.
Oh, and I think the word you can't say is sex related, right? ;)
-
Oh, and I think the word you can't say is sex related, right?
Yes. (Shivers) :x
-
I just wanted to butt in here and say that this is the best LBT fanfic I've ever read. I'm gonna get mad if you stop writing before it's done. It will drive me completely insane. Please don't do that!
Love the paragraph organization. Most people just slop it all together. It makes it very unpleasant to read. Keep up the good work. Update soon!
Most people write stories about...I don't know if I can say it here, but it begins with a Y and ends with I
Call me dumb, but I haven't the faintest idea what that word could possibly be. I'm not up to date on all the sex slang. That's something I try to avoid. :rolleyes:
-
Most people write stories about...I don't know if I can say it here, but it begins with a Y and ends with I
Call me dumb, but I haven't the faintest idea what that word could possibly be. I'm not up to date on all the sex slang. That's something I try to avoid. :rolleyes:
Trust me, you're better off not knowing. However, if you must know, I guess a more apporpriate word we could use is homosexual/lesbian. :)
-
I'm sorry if this causes an inconvinence to anyone, but there is NO way I am getting the latest chapter today. I promise though that I'll have it up as soon as I can.
In the meantime, here's an upcoming scene to enjoy and comment on:
(Note: Those of you who will beat me up for this scene, please do so with as harmless objects as possible.)
“Well then I would like to talk to the little lad and see how he’s doing. I especially wonder if he ever got over his mother’s death.”
Ali smiled. “I’m pretty sure he-“
“Could you two keep it down? I’m trying to get some rest!” Ret complained, interrupting Ali. “I’m exhausted from having to carry you around, Ali!” He then turned his back to her and tried to get back to sleep.
“I’m sorry, Ret, but I warned you that I wasn’t the lightest thing in the world.”
“Yeah, well… I didn’t want to leave you in that cave so you could end up as food to a sharptooth!”
“It’s very sweet what you’ve been doing for me, Ret.”
“Well, you’d do the same for me. We’re best friends, right?”
“Sounds like you two are more than just friends.” Rooter joked.
The old spikeback didn’t need to look to tell that his two passengers were blushing.
“Just shut up and let me rest, okay?” Ret yelled furiously and tried to get back to sleep.
Rooter just chuckled and continued on their journey.
Just a little scene that popped into my head while I was writing it that I couldn't resist putting in. Remember, in this story, Ali has feelings for both Littlefoot AND Ret. This is the kind of stuff that makes a love triangle more appealing to me. Which might explain why I like the main love triangle in "Fruits Basket" so much. :)
-
Well, here it is after a two-day delay.
The newest chapter is now finished. Please Enjoy! :)
--------------
Google Docs Link: Chapter 2: The Fight to Safety (https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1r7mEldYTJ44BtyLJy_bs5opMtz3xgS46xtudRLcYBk4)
Chapter 2
The Fight to Safety
As the trio traveled through the barren wasteland, the new comer Rooter was telling his passengers a little tale of his.
“One day I was resting and this little longneck fell on me. I’m not sure who he was, but when I saw him crying, I wondered what his problem was. He told me that he had just lost his mother from a sharptooth and blamed all of his pain on his mother. I then told him that it was nobody’s fault. That it was part of The Great Circle of Life. Also that he would always have a part of her in his heart. I can only hope that I made things better for the young lad.”
“So, you don’t know who he was at all?” Ali asked Rooter after hearing his tale.
“Not the slightest clue.”
Ali thought about the story for a bit. Somehow, it triggered a memory from her past. It was back to when it was her first visit to a place called, “The Great Valley”.
She and her newly made friend, Littlefoot, a longneck just like her but male, were traveling through a desert back to the place where Ali lived before her herd had to migrate everywhere. They were traveling there to find a special flower that could cure the illness that Littlefoot’s grandfather had gotten. Ali decided to start up a conversation while they were traveling.
“So you live with your grandparents, huh?” Ali asked.
“Yeah! It’s great living with them!” Littlefoot answered her.
“What about your mom and dad? Don’t you have one?”
At this point, Littlefoot’s smile turned into a very sad frown and his eyes started to swell with tears.
“Is something wrong?” She questioned when she saw her friend’s sudden facial change.
“It’s just that, I’m not sure what happened to my dad, but my mother was killed right in front of me.”
“What? How?” She asked, being rather shocked.
“It was a sharptooth. Cera and me were playing together when he came. We ran for a thorn bush and thought we were safe. However, this sharptooth was smarter than we expected. He started to crawl through an opening that was just big enough for him. We were saved by a one of the thorny vines. When it seemed like he had stopped, we took our chance to get out. I tried to lead Cera away, but she took the wrong path and I went after her. The sharptooth nearly got us and I got caught in some vines. I was able to get out and when we were clear of the thorn bush, the sharptooth jumped and nearly landed on us. That’s when my mother showed up and attacked him. Through the fight, it looked like my mother was going to win. However, things suddenly took a turn for the worst when the sharptooth jumped and landed on her back. He then proceeded to bite and slash at my mother. I had never seen such a more horrible sight. All that blood! Ugh!” He shivered in disgust at remembering such a thing. He then continued his story.
“Anyways, after that, a terrible earthshake happened. It was the worst one I had ever been through in my life. It had changed the land completely and split families apart. It even separated my friends from their families and split me from my grandparents. During the earthshake, Cera and me had ended up near the sharptooth. If I hadn’t called out to my mother, I think we’d be dead by now. My mother knocked the sharptooth off a cliff and led me to safety while Cera left to find her family. Somehow, my mother and me also got temporarily separated near the end of the earthshake. When it was finally over, I searched for my mother. I eventually found her and could tell that she was very weak. She asked me if I remembered the way to The Great Valley. I was so worried about whether or not she would be okay that The Great Valley was the last thing on my mind. In her last words, she told me that she would always be with me. She then died right in front of me.”
Ali now regretted ever asking him. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Littlefoot.” She apologized with her face being slightly pale from hearing such a detailed sad story.
“It’s okay, Ali.” He reassured her.
“Do you miss her?”
“Every day!”
“Must be hard for you to live with that awful memory.”
“It’s okay! My friends help me feel better whenever I’m unhappy.”
“They must be great friends to do that for you.”
“The best! They’d be to you too if you just gave them the chance.”
Ali contemplated this thought of making friends with different species. She started to wonder if it was actually a good thing. The memory ended there.
As the memory faded from her, Ali turned her attention back to the spikeback that was carrying them. “You know, I actually have this friend that’s my age that had also lost his mother from a sharptooth. He could probably be the same one you met.”
Hearing this had made Rooter chuckle at her. “Young one, there are many children that have lost a member of their family by means of a sharptooth. It’s more than likely a coincidence.” He pointed out.
“But what if it’s not? What if we both know the same longneck?”
“Well then I would like to talk to the little lad and see how he’s doing. I especially wonder if he ever got over his mother’s death.”
Ali smiled. “I’m pretty sure he-“
“Could you two keep it down? I’m trying to get some rest!” Ret complained, interrupting Ali. “I’m exhausted from having to carry you around, Ali!” He then turned his back to her and tried to get back to sleep.
“I’m sorry, Ret, but I warned you that I wasn’t the lightest thing in the world.”
“Yeah, well… I didn’t want to leave you in that cave so you could end up as food to a sharptooth!”
“It’s very sweet what you’ve been doing for me, Ret.”
“Well, you’d do the same for me. We’re best friends, right?”
“Sounds like you two are more than just friends.” Rooter joked.
The old spikeback didn’t need to look to tell that his two passengers were blushing.
“Just shut up and let me rest, okay?” Ret yelled furiously and tried to get back to sleep.
Rooter just chuckled and continued on their journey.
High upon a cliff, which was over a pool of deep water, within a dark cave, a raptor looked around the area as a lookout. The Utahraptor scanned the vast wasteland for any potential prey. He heard his stomach growl with want. Hunting was never easy for a predator in this place where vegetation never grew. His keen cat-like eyes suddenly spotted something down below. Stopping to get a drink inside the pool of water was a spikeback. The raptor studied the new prey to oblige how to attack. He concluded that he would need help, considering that it looked old, but tough.
Before he decided to leave to get his clan, he spotted something. On top of the spikeback, two longnecks were resting, probably tired from a long journey. He smiled with glee. It seemed that there would be a respectable appetizer before going on to the main course. Seeing this, he rushed to get his clan.
Back down near the pool, Rooter was resting and enjoying a much-welcomed drink. Ali looked down at the pool of water. Her mouth was dry from the earlier sandstorm she had to travel through before getting separated from her herd.
“Thirsty, young ones?” Rooter asked.
“Yes! Very!” Ali said with a grateful smile.
“I’m pretty thirsty myself.” Ret said as he got down from the spikeback.
While Ret jumped down and walked up to the pool of water, Ali dragged herself off Rooter and over to the pool of water. She then completely submerged her head into the liquid and began to greedily drink it in huge gulps. It wasn’t long before her lungs reminded her of needing oxygen and she had to come up for air. She surfaced and started to breathe heavily as Ret and Rooter laughed at her.
“Gee, what were you planning to do, drink it all?” Ret joked.
Ali giggled. “I guess!”
Suddenly, the three heard a thunderous roar, which made them gasp in a mixture of shock and fear. They looked up the rocky wall next to the pool to see a Tyrannosaurus Rex at the top of the cliff, looking down at them.
Ali gasped again. “A sharptooth!”
“It’ll come for us if we don’t hurry!” Rooter said. “Climb on, kids!”
The two longnecks got back onto the old spikeback.
“Hang on! We’re gonna make a run for it!”
Rooter started to run towards their destination. However, it wasn’t long before they were stopped by two raptors jumping in front of them. One was gray while the other was green. The gray Utahraptor hissed at them, while the green one dug his flexible toe claws into the ground for better traction.
Rooter started to back up, when he heard a growl and looked behind him to spot the same Tyrannosaurus Rex they had seen at the top of the cliff. Upon closer examination, they could see that he was light green colored and had yellow cat-like eyes. However, the one thing that made him stand out from all other members of his species was a long scar that extended from his eye, which was blood red, and down to his middle claw.
Ali gulped. She remembered that Littlefoot had warned her on her previous visit about this sharptooth that was in the Mysterious Beyond. He was known around the world as Red Claw.
They were so afraid that they had almost forgotten how to breathe. Rooter knew he couldn’t make any attempt to attack because it would put Ali and Ret into great danger. A part of him thought this was would be where he would meet the end of his long life.
The raptors charged towards them and were about to pounce when a large tail hit the two raptors and sent them flying. The next thing they noticed, a very tall longneck came by and rammed its head into Red Claw’s stomach. This caused the T-Rex to fall to his knees and start to breathe heavily for air.
The stranger bent it’s neck around and went to eye level with that of Ali and Ret. They could tell that this longneck was rather young and had a more feminine look.
“You okay?” The longneck asked in a calm sweet tone.
“Yeah! Thanks!” Ali said.
“I’ll take care of this big brute!”
“But…”
“Don’t worry, I can handle these sharpteeth! Now, go!”
Rooter didn’t object and started to run for safety as fast as his legs could carry him. It seemed like they would get away when the two same raptors jumped in front of them causing Rooter to come to a sliding halt. However, the sudden stop caused Ali slip off. Ret noticed this and quickly reacted, grabbing her tail with his mouth. Ali gasped when she felt her tail being clamped upon.
“Hang on, Ali!” Ret muffled while pulling her up.
Seeing, easy prey now, the raptors approached. The two were aiming for Ali and were about to pounce when another large tail hit them. Ali looked up to see an even taller longneck. In fact, it was the tallest one she had ever seen in her entire life. She had no idea that longnecks could grow to be that tall. She was finally pulled onto the safety of Rooter’s back and continued to look at the tall longneck in amazement.
“You okay, little lady?” The longneck asked in a deep male voice at their eye level.
“Yes! Thank you!” Ali said.
The taller male longneck then turned to the tall but shorter than him female longneck. “Sue, how about we send these sharpteeth home with empty stomachs?”
“Gladly!” She said.
Sue reared up her tail and landed it at Red Claw’s feet, causing him to trip and fall face first to the ground. The taller male longneck launched his own tail at the two raptors while they were starting to get up. This caused them to fly through the air and land sharply on Red Claw’s back. The two raptors got off so Red Claw could get up. Red Claw stared angrily at the longneck couple.
“Want more?” Sue seriously questioned.
Red Claw let out a roar and retreated, knowing he was beat in this situation. The raptors let out a roar of defeat as they retreated as well.
Sue turned to the three she just saved. “Well, I’d say that takes care of those bullies.” She said.
“Thanks for saving us again.” Ali said.
“Glad to do it. After all, what’s the point of having a tail like mine if you can’t beat up bad-guys with it once in a while?”
Ali knew that was a joke and started to giggle.
“Well, time we headed back home to our little ones.” The taller male longneck said to Sue, giving her an affectionate rub. That’s all Ali needed to hear and see to know they were a couple with children.
“Yes, dear!” She said to him, accepting the rubbing. She then turned to the trio below. “Goodbye!”
Ali, Ret and Rooter said their good-byes and thanks as the proud mother and father left.
Once the two longnecks that saved them were a good distance away, Rooter spoke. “Well, let’s go!” He said and headed towards their destination.
It was smooth sailing from there and it wasn’t long before they finally arrived at where Rooter was taking them.
“Well, here we are!” He said.
Ali and Ret looked. They were shocked at what they saw. Below them was a vast valley of green that had trees that seemed to stretch on forever. Traveling through the valley was a stream that seemed to have water that was cleaner than any other source of water in the world. The stream continued, making multiple waterfalls along the way. A chain of mountains that seemed to never end surrounded the valley. One look and they could tell exactly where they were.
“We’re… we’re in The Great Valley!” Ali said, completely shocked by this discovery.
---End Chapter 2---
-----------
Well, hope you enjoyed that one.
Please review. :^.^:
-
I enjoyed this chapter very much, and I look forward to the next one as well!
-
Awesome job, man! This chapter was great. I look forward to the rest of it. :yes
-
All of the characters, eh? I better keep reading this! :yes
-
Just a few nitpicks . 'its Rhette, not Ret, pokeplayer, but other than that.. you're doing a good job..
-
Okay guys, next one will be up July 31, and then I shall slow the progress to get other general fics for other places going.
As for the next chapter, let's just say it's time to see what the gang says/does when they see Ali with broken legs. :P:
I'd better get to work on it.
See ya later! :^.^:
-
Okay, things have changed in the plot of the chapter. Instead of them finding out Ali has broken legs this chapter, they won't until the next chapter. So, without further ado, here is the newest chapter.
-------
Chapter 3
The Unexpected Reunion
Ali looked down and could hardly believe it. Out of all the places in the world, she was back where all her friends were. She knew they would be very surprised to see her, Ret and Rooter. However, she wondered how they would react to how she was showing up again. She knew they would help her get back to normal health. However, a part of her wondered the exact way Littlefoot would react. She couldn’t understand why she was so worried about the way Littlefoot would react. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she had feelings for Littlefoot. Ever since they first met, she had an interest in him, which might explain why she gave him a peck on the cheek when they first met. She decided to see what would happen when they met again.
As for Ret, he was especially surprised. This was the place where he met his first and only real friends. He must admit that, after all the lying he did, he was surprised they were willing to be his friends. He was especially surprised that it was Littlefoot who had invited him to play with them. They were such good friends to him that on that very day, he promised himself to start over with his own friendship he had developed with Ali and do it right. He had a lot to thank them for now, especially since he had now become closer to Ali because of it. He’d probably still be making up stories to try and impress her if it weren’t for them. Indeed, he was truly grateful to have them as friends and could hardly wait to see them again now that they were here in The Great Valley.
“Well, let’s go find you some help, Ali.” Rooter said as they headed down to the valley below.
Meanwhile, within the valley, a group of young dinosaurs were playing together. They were playing a good old game of tag. As of now, a little orange threehorn, who was known as Cera, was currently “it”. She had her target in sight, it was the small fast-footed green swimmer of the gang, she was known as Ducky. Ducky knew that if the possibly ten times bigger than her threehorn tagged her, she would be at the biggest disadvantage. However, Ducky was somewhat intelligent and had a way to avoid this. Cera then pounced towards her, thinking he had the little swimmer. However, this was the very thing Ducky was waiting for. At the last moment, she changed direction and ended up making Cera completely miss and hit someone else instead. She had ended up accidentally tackling a pink oviraptor that was known as Ruby. The two tumbled for only a second and ended up having Cera on top of Ruby.
“Ow!” Complained Ruby. “You know, a simple touch would’ve been better than a tackle would’ve been.”
“Yeah, sorry!” Cera apologized. “I was chasing Ducky and she got out the way just as I was about to get her. So I guess you’re ëit’ now!” Cera then ran off so she wouldn’t be tagged back.
“Not unless I tag you ëit’ so I won’t be ëit’!” She cheered as she gave chase.
Meanwhile, a small brown flyer by the name of Petrie was up in the sky to avoid being ëit’. He was always using this trick and so that no one could tag him. He watched as Ruby chased Cera. As they were running, a green spiketail, known as Spike, was simply walking by. Cera ran past him and Ruby decided to take this chance to tag him, which she did.
“Tag! You’re ëit’, Spike!”
Spike grunted happily and gave chase with a smile on his face. As Spike started to run around, he looked intently for his own target. He then spotted a young, violet colored T-Rex near by. The little sharptooth had made his temporary stay here in the scared place to leaf-eaters. During his stay, he had promised to only eat the bugs within the valley. For his young age, he could survive on them rather nicely. In fact, at this very moment, the young sharptooth was looking for something to eat by searching a hollowed out tree.
Spike saw this as an easy target and went for it. He walked forward carefully and when he believed to be close enough, he pounced at the young sharptooth. The small T-Rex didn’t see Spike coming and was tackled to the ground easily.
At this point, Petrie swooped down to them. “Spike tag you! You ëit’, Chomper!” He said.
Spike got off and ran away from Chomper. Chomper immediately got up, ready to play.
“Okay! Here I come!” Chomper called out as he ran onto the field.
There was one other in the group of children. Who had been remarkably evading everyone since the start of the game. He was a purplish-brown longneck known as Littlefoot. He had seen how the game was played out from the beginning. He had been able to make the others run into someone else when they were chasing him, thus making them ëit’.
However, he didn’t realize that Chomper had a little plan to make Littlefoot ëit’. Using cover of the others happily running around in all directions, he carefully made his way to the longneck. Somehow, Littlefoot lost track of who was ëit’ and was unaware that the small sharptooth was closing in on him. Chomper pounced at Littlefoot from behind, aiming for his neck. Littlefoot turned his head and noticed Chomper at the very last second. He bent his head down and made Chomper completely miss and hit the ground headfirst and causing him to also make a small ditch that made the young sharptooth get grass and dirt in his mouth.
Littlefoot laughed at him. “You missed me!” He cheered as he ran off.
Chomper spat out the dirt and grass in his mouth, got up, sneered at the longneck and gave chase again.
Meanwhile, Petrie decided to fly higher, and as he did, he spotted something in the distance that caught his attention. He noticed a spikeback that was coincidentally coming their way. However, something seemed out of place that really caught his attention. He saw that the spikeback was carrying someone. He wasn’t quite sure who it was, but they looked familiar to him.
Petrie swooped closer to his friends. “Hey, guys!” He called out, trying to get their attention.
Everyone stopped playing the game of tag and turned to Petrie. “What is it, Petrie?” Cera asked, being a little irritated that their game was stopped.
“Someone coming!”
“Who is it, Petrie?” Littlefoot questioned.
“Me no, no, but they familiar!”
“They look familiar, Petrie?” Ducky asked.
“Yes!” Petrie nodded.
“Well, let’s go see who it is!” Littlefoot said. “Lead the way, Petrie!”
Without another word, Petrie flew in the direction of the newcomers. As they headed in that direction, they soon saw someone.
“Hey, I think I see someone!” Littlefoot said.
“Yeah, but who is it?” Cera asked.
Ruby tried to look closer by squinting her eyes and putting her hand above them. “I don’t know, but I think I see someone who I have seen before.” She said.
They got closer and could finally make out who it was.
“It can’t be!” Chomper said, a little surprised.
“Wouldn’t she be with her herd if she was here?” Cera questioned, finally figuring out who it was.
“Yeah, she would be, but it looks like the girl we know that we all know.” Ruby said.
“Me think it is her!” Petrie said, getting excited.
“Oh, it is her! It is! Yes, yes, yes!” Ducky cheered.
Spike looked on in disbelief one second and then in excited happiness the next.
Littlefoot was the one who was most shocked. He could hardly believe who was approaching them. Riding on the spikeback was the only girl longneck that was around his age that he was friends with and had feelings for.
He only said a single word. “Ali?”
---End Chapter 3---
----------
Well, there ya go! And if anyone asks, yes, that is the way Ruby talks. -_-
There is no telling when the next chapter will be up. I don't have a specific date for it, and with so many other stories for other franchises to get up, there's no telling when I'll have it done. So it's just a wait and see deal.
However, expect the Prolouge on fanfiction.net in a few days. :)
Anyways, please review.
See ya later! :^.^:
-
Wow. Seriously, put this on fanfiction.net. There are so many horrible LBT stories there, it'll be nice to see a good one there. I absolutely love this story so far. There are no improvements I could tell. Please don't write it "Rhette". I find that spelling to be annoying. "Ret" will do just fine. I cannot believe it! This is the fist LBT fanfic I've read that didn't contain sexuality, swearing, and bloody massacures. I also hate those crosses like star wars and LBT. I mean, come on! Like that would ever happen and they just wind up being stupid. I love this so much! Great story, but I would like to request that you keep it...uhhhhh...well, just don't include sexual parts or anything, please? That would totally ruin it. Just keep up the good work and don't put anything too wild in it okay? That'll be all. I'll look for an update. Thanks!
-
I'm highly anticipating future updates. This is one of the better LBT fan fictions I've came across. Keep it up, pokeplayer984! :^.^:
-
Once again I must smile and tell you, you have a knack for story-telling :D I can't wait to see it on fanfiction.net, oh and send me a PM there, my user name....is the same as it is here! :lol: Good luck with future chapters!
-
I shall post the Prologue later today on fanfiction.net. So get ready, because today's the day it spreads around the net. :)
-
I'm already on ff.net, so post away! :)
-
I have just barely posted it on Fanfiction.net. Please wait patiently for it as it may take 24 hours for it to appear.
See ya later! :^.^:
-
Hey pokerplayer, if it's not too much trouble when you get the chance (and I know it might take a while) would you mind reviewing my fanfic One Long Tail on ff.net?
-
Okay, I tried getting into your story, The Great Valley Guardian, but for a reason I can't explian, I just can't. It just seems to be difficult for me to get into LBT fanfics lately. :(
I've recently posted Chapter 1: Lost & Broken on fanfiction.net. Just a head's up! :^.^:
I'm not too sure when I'll have Chapter 4 up. I'm just currently debating how I'll introduce Ali since she now has borken legs. ;)
-
Well, this chapter definately took a while to finish debating on, but I finally figured it all out.
So, here it is, Chapter 4. :)
Enjoy! :^.^:
---------------
Chapter 4
The Welcomed Good News
Littlefoot looked towards the approaching spikeback and could hardly contain the excitement in the back of his head. For riding right on top of it was Ali, the very longneck he has had feelings for since the day they met. Not at all judging the situation, the group of seven rushed up the spikeback that was approaching.
“Ali!” They all shouted.
“How are you?” “How did you get here?” “Why are you back so soon?” They all started asking at the same time once they reached her.
“Please, please, one at a time!” Ali begged as she started to feel a little overwhelmed.
“Guys!” Cera called out to them, getting their attention. “If we give her some room, I’m sure she can explain why she’s here.”
“Don’t worry!” Another voice said. The gang looked to see another longneck jumping off the back of the spikeback. “We’ll explain everything.” He said, facing them with a smile on his face.
“Hey Ret!” “Hi, Ret!” “Hi, hi, hi!” “Hello, Ret!” They all greeted at once.
“Hi, everyone! Listen, it’s great to see you all but right now Ali needs help.”
“Ali needs help?” Littlefoot questioned with concern on his face.
Ret nodded. “Her legs are broken. Do you know anyone who can help us mend them?”
“Well, just about every grown-up in the valley, I think.”
“In that case, who’s the closest?”
“That would be my Grandma and Grandpa. Come on, I’ll take ya there!”
It wasn’t too long until they all reached Littlefoot’s nest where the two elders that were his guardians were in the middle of having a conversation with a female grown-up duckbill that happened to be the mother of Ducky.
“Grandma, Grandpa!” Littlefoot called out to them.
“Yes, Littlefoot?” Grandpa Longneck asked, turning to his grandson.
“Um, well, we have a real problem here.”
From there, Littlefoot explained to his grandparents that Ali had returned, but with broken legs. Seeing the situation, Grandma and Grandpa Longneck had Ducky’s mother get the necessary supplies needed to mend the leg while Ali explained to them all that had happened. While Ali told the story, Rooter had carefully set her down on the ground and listened as well. It was a while before Ali finished her story, because she hardly left out any details. The small things she did leave out were their conversations that were of little importance to the story. By the time she was done, her legs had been tied around with special plants to help the legs heal faster and put together with mud to really hold it all in place, thus creating a brownish colored cast.
“And well, that’s the whole story.” Ali concluded.
“This is very serious.” Grandpa Longneck said.
“Yes, we must make sure that Ali and Ret get back to their herd.” Grandma Longneck agreed.
“We’ll send out every flyer that is willing to find them. Hopefully, they will find your herd and lead them here to get you.”
“In that case, how long until my legs are well enough to walk on them again?” Ali asked.
Grandpa Longneck chuckled. “Don’t worry. They all only have a mild sprain and, thanks to the plants we’ve applied to them, should be good enough to walk on by tomorrow morning.”
Ali sighed in relief. “Well that’s good news. For a little bit, I thought that I would never be able to walk again.”
Grandma Longneck chuckled. “It takes more than a fall to keep any members of your herd down, including you, Ali.” She said soothingly.
Ali blushed; feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment. “Um, thanks, I guess!”
Meanwhile, Littlefoot was contemplating a little something in his head. He wanted to be around his friend as much as possible, knowing that she most likely wouldn’t be around for long. So, with that thought in mind, he decided to ask her something.
“Ali?” Littlefoot asked.
“Yes, Littlefoot?” She questioned.
“You and Ret are going to be here for a while, right?”
“Well, with how little Ret, Rooter and I traveled, I probably will only be around for a few days.”
Even though his face didn’t show it, Littlefoot felt a bit disappointed. He really wanted her to stay longer. He wasn’t being greedy or anything in the wrong manner, just that he wanted to spend a lot of time with her.
“Well, I was just wondering, at least until your herd comes to pick you up, would you and Ret like to stay at my nest?”
Ali was taken aback by the offer she was given. She was also flattered by the offer Littlefoot had given them. “Well, if you really think it isn’t too much trouble…”
“It won’t be any trouble at all, Ali.” Grandpa Longneck reassured, accepting the offer as well.
“We would love to take care of you while we wait for your herd.” Grandma Longneck insisted.
“I guess, as long as it’s okay with Ret.” Ali answered.
“Why not? We need a place to stay.” Ret answered.
“In that case, we’d love to.”
“Yes!” Littlefoot shouted in happiness. “Oh, Ali! I just know we’re going to have so much fun together!”
Ali felt rather flattered by her friend. “I’ll be looking forward to it, Littlefoot.”
“Well,” Rooter began, getting everyone’s attention. “I’d better go. After all, I’m a bit of a wonder and there’s still lots to see in this world. This place is rather beautiful, more than enough to make me want to return some day.” He then left without another word.
“Goodbye, and thank you for bringing them here.” Grandma longneck said.
Rooter only walked a little distance before looking back. “So it was him after all.” He said as he looked at Littlefoot. “I didn’t even get to know his name, though I don’t bother much for that. It seems that thanks to all the friends he has, he’s been able to move on from the death of his mother. Though I’m sure he thinks about her everyday, he knows that he can’t dwell on the past and must look forward to the future. Hopefully, I am right about that.” He then left the valley and continued on his wondering journey.
--End Chapter 4---
--------------
Well, that's it for Rooter in my story. Yep, he won't be in this story anymore, and you know what? I think I did rather well with him. :)
Anyways, please review.
See ya later! :^.^:
-
I was dissapointed by the lack of involvement of Rooter in the chapter, as well as the lack of drama presented by Ali's "broken" legs. Otherwise, keep it up! :yes
-
Can't wait for the next chapter! ;)
-
Can't wait for the next chapter! ;)
Neither can I. :)
-
For one, I'm glad Rooter didn't have a huge part in the story. As for the broken legs thing, it may not have been very exciting, but it is pretty realistic that it would happen that way. Though, one day is certainly not enough for Ali to be walking again, I guess it'd be hard to have Ali doing much in the story if her legs were useless for several weeks. :P:
Please Continue! :D
-
When I made my prior post, I was about to start school, and I didn't have the time to make a proper post. So, I'm going to just that.
*When I read the chapter, I was fairly disappointed at the outcome and what happened. The prior chapters had built up a lot of hype for me. And the delay you placed on what the gang would say about Ali's "øbroken?" legs only extended the hype and tension for me. I was ready to see the outcome and next chapter for crying out loud! I was getting excited. The prior chapters had set up a strong, dramatic story for me. It looked like there was going to be a lot of drama coming from all different directions, not just from Ali's predicament, but from Rooter coming into the Great Valley for, as far as I care, the first time ever. I was really anxious to see the outcome. But when I read the chapter, I really got slapped up-side the head! Ali's "øbroken?" legs seemed far under-represented in story, like they were no big deal at all. Really, walking the next day? We're they even broke!? I was expecting drama, but I was left in want.
But that's not all. I was also expecting -- no, hoping -- that Rooter was going to play a more significant role. However, he adds practically zilch to the development of the story. We barely get to see anything out of him, what he thinks of the Great Valley, what he thinks of Littlefoot present, and what Littlefoot thinks about him. By gosh, Littlefoot didn't even recognize him or the name! And I was further let down by the fact that "he won't be in this story anymore". I hope this idea of including ever LBT character known to date doesn't backfire like this, where the characters play insignificant roles and contribute little to the story. I was hoping to see more out of Rooter, as well as more brought out of Ali's situation, but I guess I won't be fed today. Mabey there's still hope, though.
I hope I haven't offended you. I still look forward to the rest of the story. But now you see why I consider myself a tough (and mabey a wee bit picky?) critic on occasion.
*Subject to revision.
-
Ali's "øbroken?" legs seemed far under-represented in story, like they were no big deal at all. Really, walking the next day? We're they even broke!?
I can actually relate to that....if you've never had a broken limb before even a simple sprain can feel very painful, however I've had both and I can actually tell the diffrence....Pokeplayer may have used the word broken simply to state she was in a lot of pain.
We barely get to see anything out of him, what he thinks of the Great Valley, what he thinks of Littlefoot present, and what Littlefoot thinks about him. By gosh, Littlefoot didn't even recognize him or the name!
I understand where you are going with this, but you have to admit, even by the cannon movie standards........it's been quite possibly a few years! Littlefoot was still greving when he bumped into Rooter, and after all this time had eliapsed he may not have remembered the elderly dino.
But this is just my opinion and I hope I didn't offend you Manny Cav....
-
We barely get to see anything out of him, what he thinks of the Great Valley, what he thinks of Littlefoot present, and what Littlefoot thinks about him. By gosh, Littlefoot didn't even recognize him or the name!
I understand where you are going with this, but you have to admit, even by the cannon movie standards........it's been quite possibly a few years! Littlefoot was still greving when he bumped into Rooter, and after all this time had eliapsed he may not have remembered the elderly dino.
But this is just my opinion and I hope I didn't offend you Manny Cav....
This is very possible, but I still can't believe that nothing even ringed a single bell to Littlefoot. Plus, Rooter didn't seem too talkative to anyone about it to anyone but himself, either. Still....
-
Yeah, now that you mention it, Chapter 4 was really underdeveloped. I guess there are parts that owe an explanation.
Let's start with Ali's "borken" legs. You see, the first key element you need to put into facturing is how true broken limbs work and how sprained ones do. Broken limbs tend to hurt just from moving them. However, a sprain only hurts when you apply pressure on to it. If you noticed from the beginning, Ali only felt pain when pressure was applied, thus meaning that the legs were only sprained, not broken. Also, on top of that, Ret only THOUGHT they were broken and, to a point, believed that. This "broken legs" thing was all set up as a trick for the reader. It's something I tend to do sometimes.
On top of that, you did see a mention that Ali's herd have rather strong legs, right? It is my belief that all those years of walking have done wonders for those legs of hers. Her legs are probably tough enough to pick a fight with the mighty Cera by now, but I degress. Yet, Ali's more than likely to be tough. It would take more than a little fall to keep her, or any other member of her herd for that matter, down for good.
One last thing is that, under NORMAL circumstances, it would probably take longer, but don't forget that some "special plants" are being used to help them heal faster. We saw what treestars do for a simple twisted ankle that Cera got. Who knows what other plants lie in the Great Valley that can help with such problems?
I guess I really have no explanation for the gang showing no reaction to her seemingly broken legs. I definately have plans to redo that part in the future.
As for Rooter, in all truth, I have NO use for him. There wasn't even use for him from the start to be exact. However, I knew with the promise I made that I had to put him in somehow, even if it was going to be disappointing. I have nothing against the dino that helped Littlefoot move on, I just couldn't find a way to make him have a rather useful role. In all truth, at first, I was planning to have Ret carry Ali all the way and have them arrive at the Great Valley by luck, but when I thought about the story at work, the idea of Rooter just stuck to my head, so I used it to get the annoying thought out. It just made better sense to have someone carry them all the way and Rooter became the guenia pig for that job. With it fulfilled, I have no more use for him.
Oh, and by the way, I was originally planning to kill him during the encounter with Red Claw, but for some reason, I thought Sue and her mate saving the day would be better. :)
I will do better with other charcters, I promise. I have an especially nice role for Pat coming up in a few chapters. Let's just say that Old One has a role in it as well. Which reminds me, I need a name for her. Any takers? :)
-
Okay, I'm sorry this was delayed for so long. I wanted to actually have it up earlier, but I was working far too much on the next chapter.
Here it is though, THE EDITED CHAPTER 4!!!
()()()()()()()()()()()()
Chapter 4
The Welcomed Good News
Littlefoot looked towards the approaching spikeback and could hardly contain the excitement in the back of his head. For riding right on top of it was Ali, the very longneck he has had feelings for since the day they met. Not at all judging the situation, the group of seven rushed up to the spikeback that was approaching.
“Ali!” They all shouted.
“How are you?” “How did you get here?” “Why are you back so soon?” They all started asking at the same time once they reached her.
“Please, please, one at a time!” Ali begged as she started to feel a little overwhelmed.
“Guys!” Cera called out to them, getting their attention. “If we give her some room, I’m sure she can explain why she’s here.”
“Don’t worry!” Another voice said. The gang looked to see another longneck jumping off the back of the spikeback. “We’ll explain everything.” He said, facing them with a smile on his face.
“Hey Ret!” “Hi, Ret!” “Hi, hi, hi!” “Hello, Ret!” They all greeted at once.
“Hi, everyone! Listen, it’s great to see you all but right now Ali needs help.”
“Ali needs help?” Littlefoot questioned with concern on his face.
Ret nodded. “Her legs are broken.” He said in a serious but sad tone.
There were then large gasps of shock from the group.
“What?” Chomper asked.
“Oh no!” Ruby said with worry.
“Are you okay, Ali? Are you? Huh?” Ducky questioned in worry as she ran up to Ali.
Petrie swooped down, landed in front of Ali and examined her legs. “Hmm. They not look broken. They still attached.”
“That’s because they’re broken on the inside, dummy!” Cera said, feeling irritated.
Meanwhile, Littlefoot was very shocked by the news so much that he was speechless. He wanted to react in a normal manner, but his body wouldn't allow it.
Ret just shook his head. ëHow in the world does Littlefoot put up with friends like that?’ He questioned himself in thought. He then turned his attention to Littlefoot. “Do you know anyone who can help us mend her legs?”
The question suddenly snapped Littlefoot back to reality. “Oh well, just about every grown-up in the valley, I think.” He concluded.
“In that case, who’s the closest?”
“That would be my Grandma and Grandpa. Come on, I’ll take ya there!”
It wasn’t too long until they all reached Littlefoot’s nest where the two elders that were his guardians were in the middle of having a conversation with a female grown-up duckbill that happened to be the mother of Ducky.
“Grandma, Grandpa!” Littlefoot called out to them.
“Yes, Littlefoot?” Grandpa Longneck asked, turning to his grandson.
“Um, well, we have a real problem here.”
From there, Littlefoot explained to his grandparents that Ali had returned, but with broken legs. Seeing the situation, Grandma and Grandpa Longneck had Ducky’s mother get the necessary supplies needed to mend the leg while Ali explained to them all that had happened. While Ali told the story, Rooter had carefully set her down on the ground and listened as well. It was a while before Ali finished her story, because she hardly left out any details. The small things she did leave out were their conversations that were of little importance to the story. By the time she was done, her legs had been tied around with special plants to help the legs heal faster and put together with mud to really hold it all in place, thus creating a brownish colored cast.
“And well, that’s the whole story.” Ali concluded.
“This is very serious.” Grandpa Longneck said.
“Yes, we must make sure that Ali and Ret get back to their herd.” Grandma Longneck agreed.
“We’ll send out every flyer that is willing to find them. Hopefully, they will find your herd and lead them here to get you.”
“In that case, how long until my legs are well enough to walk on them again?” Ali asked.
Grandpa Longneck chuckled. “Don’t worry. They all only have a mild sprain and, thanks to the plants we’ve applied to them, should be good enough to walk on by tomorrow morning.”
Ali sighed in relief. “Well that’s good news. For a little bit, I thought that I would never be able to walk again.”
Grandma Longneck chuckled. “It takes more than a fall to keep any members of your herd down, including you, Ali.” She said soothingly.
Ali blushed; feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment. “Um, thanks, I guess!”
Meanwhile, Littlefoot was contemplating a little something in his head. He wanted to be around his friend as much as possible, knowing that she most likely wouldn’t be around for long. So, with that thought in mind, he decided to ask her something.
“Ali?” Littlefoot asked.
“Yes, Littlefoot?” She questioned.
“You and Ret are going to be here for a while, right?”
“Well, with how little Ret, Rooter and I traveled, I probably will only be around for a few days.”
Even though his face didn’t show it, Littlefoot felt a bit disappointed. He really wanted her to stay longer. He wasn’t being greedy or anything in the wrong manner, just that he wanted to spend a lot of time with her.
“Well, I was just wondering, at least until your herd comes to pick you up, would you and Ret like to stay at my nest?”
Ali was taken aback by the offer she was given. She was also flattered by the offer Littlefoot had given them. “Well, if you really think it isn’t too much trouble…”
“It won’t be any trouble at all, Ali.” Grandpa Longneck reassured, accepting the offer as well.
“We would love to take care of you while we wait for your herd.” Grandma Longneck insisted.
“I guess, as long as it’s okay with Ret.” Ali answered.
“Why not? We need a place to stay.” Ret answered.
“In that case, we’d love to.”
“Yes!” Littlefoot shouted in happiness. “Oh, Ali! I just know we’re going to have so much fun together!”
Ali felt rather flattered by her friend as she let out a slight giggle. “I’ll be looking forward to it, Littlefoot.”
“Well,” Rooter began, getting everyone’s attention. “I’d better go. After all, I’m a bit of a wonder and there’s still lots to see in this world. This place is rather beautiful, more than enough to make me want to return some day.” He then left without another word.
“Goodbye, and thank you for bringing them here.” Grandma longneck said.
Rooter only walked a little distance before looking back. “So it was him after all.” He said as he looked at Littlefoot. “I didn’t even get to know his name, though I don’t bother much for that. It seems that thanks to all the friends he has, he’s been able to move on from the death of his mother. Though I’m sure he thinks about her everyday, he knows that he can’t dwell on the past and must look forward to the future. Hopefully, I am right about that.” He then left the valley and continued on his wondering journey.
--End Chapter 4---
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
As you can see, I did add in some reactions and explained a few scenes better.
I really hope you enjoyed that.
The next chapter will definately be up tomorrow. This one is seriously being worked on.
The only hint I'll give you is that we go back to Ali's herd and they meet an old villian of the gang. ;)
Just know that the next one is definately showing more of a professionalism than what I've given thus far. :)
See ya later! :^.^:
-
I really didn't see the necessity in that, and, other than a few lines added in, I really didn't see that much of a difference. My core issues still remain. Mabey you should just focus on newer and better chapters, hmm?
-
Still looking forward to the new chapter! ;)
-
man, your story is realy kickass!!! :lol: i can't wait for the next chapter
-
what I read of this it pretty neat :) keep up the good work
-
Please continue! I just love this story. Don't stop until it's over please!!! I hate stories that people just end for no reason at all. -_-
-
Thank you for your comments.
Now, I'll warn you that this next one is a little bit higher in the ratings than what would normally be in LBT. I warn you now, if you can't handle descriptive violence, leave now.
There is only a small part of it, but it will give you a basic idea of how far I can bring it. :D
I hope you enjoy what can truely come out of my sick and demented mind. :^.^:
()()()()()()()()()()()
Chapter 5
The Close Call
While Ali and Ret were having their little reunion in The Great Valley, their herd was busy trying to find any trace of them. Though some of the members thought it was pointless to look for the young ones because they believed the fall had killed them, they continued the search. Old One and Ali’s mother didn’t give up hope, however. Something inside the two female longnecks told them that Ali and Ret were alive and safe.
They soon stopped for a momentary rest period before moving on. They were near a vast lake and the only source of vegetation around were the plants in the water, but it provided them with the necessary needs to fuel up and move on. However, unknown to them, they were not alone.
Deep within the water, several big-mouthed belly draggers, scientific term being crocodiles, lied in wait. This was their home, where they would patiently wait for any unsuspecting prey to come within reach and feast upon the flesh. They were surprised today to find a herd of longnecks having a drink and feasting upon the underwater plants. Just one of the adult longnecks would feed them all. However, getting one of those would be tricky. One of the young ones would be more than enough for one of them, but every one of them hadn’t eaten for months. It had been a long time since something tasty to them came their way.
The big-mouthed belly draggers sneakily swam to the shore opposite of the longnecks. Once they all arrived, they started to formulate a plan.
“So, any one of you have a plan to get one of those older longnecks?” One of the crocodiles asked.
“It won’t be easy to get them.” One particular crocodile said, which happened to have a tiny scar across his right eye. “They are all members of a migrating herd, thus meaning they are stronger than most that come to our home.”
“One of their feet could easily break our heads apart. There’s only one surefire way to kill a longneck.” Said the one with a missing eye.
“We have to bite off the neck!” Said the one that had no eyes whatsoever.
The many crocodiles looked at the one who was their leader. This guy was well known by them to be able to hunt and win battle rights without the need of sight. No one dared to oppose him because of his great skill. Many who didn’t know when to back down paid a terrible price, as his lunch.
“Leader, do you know of any way we can get close enough without killing ourselves?” Asked the one with the scar across his right eye.
“Leader, Sargent, I think I have an idea.” One particular crocodile said in a more feminine tone than the others did.
“Well, if it isn’t Dil, the renegade female that abandoned us because of a sharp-beak.” Sargent retorted.
“I’m not with him! Not anymore since he left me to die by that longneck sharptooth! I would’ve been its meal if that thing didn’t get tired out!”
“I’m sorry to hear you two broke up, female!” The one with the missing eye insulted.
“Me and Ichy we’re never friends. I don’t miss him one bit!”
“So anyways, what’s the plan?” Leader questioned.
“It’s simple. We’ll just wait until one is deep enough. We then lure them deeper with a plant. And right when they’re about to get the plant, we go for the neck!” She informed them.
Sargent laughed. “It’s so brilliant that it just might work!”
“Now we just have to decide who gets to do what.” Leader said.
On the opposite side of the shore, Old One had eaten and drank her fill and was now watching the rest of the herd, looking carefully for any predators. Little did she know that a group of them were lurking in the water, with their plan about to be put into motion.
Ali’s mother was busy eating her fill. She could hardly tell if she was hungry or full though, due to her deep depression from losing her only child. The memories of her time with her daughter were constantly flowing through her mind at a rapid pace. She unknowingly stepped deeper into the water. She wanted to keep her mind off the memories for a bit and spotted a small plant sticking out of the water. It was swaying in the wind in a motion that seemed as if it was calling to her. She walked closer to the plant, not knowing of the danger lurking within the water.
She bent her neck down and was about to bite into the plant when suddenly one of the big-mouthed belly draggers launched the attack. Ali’s mother saw the predator just in the nick of time and brought her neck up far enough for the carnivore to miss it by only half an inch. She then hit the crocodile that tried to bite off her neck with her tail, and in the process also hit another crocodile that was holding the plant all along in it’s snout. Ali’s mother noticed this and figured that it was a trap that she nearly fell for. She clenched evilly at them with unforgiving eyes. She was now willing to show these predators no mercy.
“Uh-oh! Let’s get out of here!” One of the crocodiles said and all of them listened and swam away as fast as they could.
ëWhere do you think you’re going?’ Ali’s mother thought to herself and started hunting them instead.
Ali’s mother gave chase and then caught one with her mighty foot by the tail. The one that was unfortunately caught was Dil. Ali’s mother then proceeded to stomp onto the head, making the skull emit a horrible cracking sound. By then, the head had hit the underwater muddy floor, making the lungs slowly be filled with water. Ali’s mother continued to do damage by digging her foot into the head, causing fragments of the skull to pierce the brain.
Old One saw this and decided to stop her before she actually killed the poor creature. She stepped into the water and approached the female adult that was proceeding to due harm to her victim by having her foot break the back. Old One stopped the oncoming foot from meeting with her tail.
“That’s enough, child!” She said in a calm and stern voice.
Ali’s mother looked at her and her eyes and face turned soft and sorry. She removed the foot that was upon the head as well as the one on the tail and left the scene with Old One.
As soon as they reached shore, Old One looked at the rest of the herd, who had also seen everything. “Everyone, we leave now! It is far too dangerous to stay!” She said.
The herd listened and left the scene. As for Dil, who was now floating upside down on her back, she was still alive, but barely. Her breathing and movement had become labored due to her brain being badly damaged, making it difficult to do anything.
“Well, we might as well not let ëfood’ go to waste.” Said Sargent.
Dil then saw the other crocodiles approaching with a look of hunger in their eyes. She closed her own as she awaited her deadly fate. Before she was decapitated, her memories flooded her mind. The last thought being that of the time she spent with Ichy.
---End Chapter 5---
()()()()()()()()()()
Poor Dil! Why did I do that to her? :(
Hope you enjoyed that! :^.^:
Next one won't be until November, sadly, as I have other things to work on.
Oh, and if any of you were upset that Littlefoot didn't show how worried he was for Ali, Chapter 6 WILL make up for that.
After that, you guys will recieve a VERY nice present. Chapter 7 is where I'll bring the relationship we know and love to a whole new level. ;)
So, come November, get ready those of you who are Ali&Littlefoot shippers! The relationship we know and love will intesify. :^.^:
Well, I'll see ya later! :D
-
That really presented the real world like it was, something that's almost unheard of in the LBT series. Well, that's one villian off of the list. Now, for Red Claw.... :)
-
Yeah! Kill them bloody predators! :D I never liked Dill anyway. In fact, I hated her. I agree with Manny on this one. How's about redclaw next? :lol:
-
Red Claw won't appear again for a bit, but he will be the main villian for the story when I finally get quite a number of the charcters out of the way. I promised you guys I'd do EVERYONE, and I'll find a way to do them all, even if I have to make them as cameos. :^.^:
BTW, when the great battle with Red Claw comes, expect Bron, Pat, Doc and a number of others all to make an appearance by then. I've got alot of work ahead of me! :D
I also have the ending planned already, and I'll tell you now that it isn't a pretty one. -_-
This is definately going to be a big one, but for now, I'll see ya later! :^.^:
-
I also have the ending planned already, and I'll tell you now that it isn't a pretty one. -_-
Oh, oh, oh, oh. Sounds interesting! I have to keep reading! :D
-
I do look forward to the ending for sure now!
-
Yes, you will look forward to the ending, but it's not for quite a number of chapters.
Anyways, here I am with a brand new chapter. Not much, but at least I'm trying to show off some Longneckshipping! (Yes, that is the official name I'm giving Littlefoot&Ali.) However, that really won't come full circle until the next chapter.
For now, enjoy the newest one. :)
-----------
Chapter 6
Over-caring
By now, nighttime had fallen around The Great Valley. Many residents were returning to their nests by now, ready to get some sleep. Cera had especially started to return home. She was very happy upon the news that Ali would have to stay in the valley until her herd came to pick her up. Cera was pretty close to Ali. She was mainly such good friends with her because Ali had saved her life from Dil quite some time ago. Cera was forever in Ali’s debt, and the least the little threehorn could do was to be her friend.
Remembering those old times, Cera had returned home. Her dad, known as Topsy, was patiently waiting for her to return home. He was mainly upset because Cera had been up past her curfew. He really did not enjoy punishing his daughter, no parent does. Topsy only hoped that she had a good reason for it. He didn’t have to wait too much longer though, as he saw Cera coming home as fast as she could.
“What were you doing up past your bedtime, Cera?” Topsy demanded firmly.
“I’m sorry, Daddy!” Cera apologized. “A friend had returned to the valley and I lost track of time.”
“Oh? Who was it?” He asked as he watched his daughter walk straight to her nesting spot.
“Ali! You know, that longneck girl that helped me and my friends save Littlefoot’s Grandpa?”
“Oh, her! I didn’t realize that longneck herd was back so soon!” He said in a rather grim and angry tone. He always did have a thing about longnecks.
“Actually Daddy, she and her friend Ret got separated from their herd by an earthshake. They’re staying at Littlefoot’s until their herd comes to pick them up.”
“Ah, I see!”
“Yeah! We’re going to have a lot of fun!” Cera let out a slight chuckle. “Oh, and Daddy, I was wondering if I could bring Tricia along tomorrow?”
“Why, Cera?”
“Well, I just want Ali to meet her, that’s all!”
“Oh! Well, as long as you ask Tria and keep an eye on her, I think it will be okay!”
“Thanks, Daddy!”
“Now, go to sleep, Cera!”
“Okay. Goodnight, Daddy!”
Cera then went to her little nesting spot and went to sleep, dreaming about all the fun she would have tomorrow with her friend.
Ducky and Spike were returning late as well. In fact, they were so late, that Ducky’s mother, along with all her siblings, was already asleep. The two of them quietly tiptoed to their own nesting spot, which they shared. Worst of all, it was right next to the huge female that took care of them. They were so quiet that Ducky thought they would make it.
Suddenly, Spike accidentally stepped on a twig, which made a loud snap as it broke in two. The two froze at the sound of the wood breaking, and Ducky mentally scolded at Spike for giving them away. The female moaned in her sleep. Luckily for them though, she just shifted a little and went back to sleep.
The two of them mentally sighed in relief. Feeling safe, the two of them went closer and then settled down. Ducky let out another sigh, thinking that the two of them had pulled it off without getting caught. Spike just immediately went to sleep.
“Hello dears.” A soft, gentle voice greeted them.
Ducky looked to her side and saw that her mother was actually awake. “Oh, hi Mama! Hi, hi, hi!” She greeted back.
“Why are you both home so late? I was getting worried.”
Ducky sighed in defeat. “Well, you see, Mama, a friend had returned to the valley and we had lost track of time just talking to her.” She explained.
“Oh! Who was it?”
“Ali! You know, the longneck that helped in saving Littlefoot’s Grandpa?”
“Really? So the herd she is with is back too?”
“No, no, no!” She shook her head in disappointment. “She and her friend Ret got separated from their herd in a terrible earthshake. They did! They’re staying with Littlefoot, they are!”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of fun tomorrow. Good night, Ducky!”
“Good night, Mama!”
Ducky then went to sleep, happily dreaming about the fun she would have tomorrow.
Petrie was flying back home as fast as he could. He knew that he was late and that he was in trouble for doing so. He soon made it to his nest that was on top of a cliff. He silently landed and saw that his mother and siblings were asleep. Petrie smiled, believing he could get to bed without waking everyone. However, there was one slight problem. The place where he usually slept, he shared with an old gray flyer named Swooper.
Swooper was a friend of his that he had saved from The Mysterious Beyond. The only thing about this flyer was that he was blind. However, the old flyer had been able to heighten his other scenes and so that he didn’t need his sight to tell what was around him. This sort of thing made it quite a problem for Petrie to sneak into bed without getting caught, as Swooper had a very good sense of hearing.
Petrie silently walked up to the old flyer and saw that he was snoring quietly. Petrie settled down next to the flyer and saw that he was still asleep. Petrie gave out a silent sigh of relief. He then started to settle in for the night.
“Hello, Petrie!” A voice said.
Petrie shot right up. He then turned around and screamed when he saw a pair of pale gray eyes look right at him. However, he soon recovered and noticed who it was. “Oh, uh… Hi, Swooper.” He greeted nervously. “How you know it me?” He asked curiously.
“I know your voice very well.” The old flyer answered.
“Oh!”
“Why were you out so late? Your mother was worrying.” He questioned.
“Oh, Petrie talk with old friend. Me no know it late.” He explained in his own little way.
“Ah, I see! I’ll try my best to explain to your mother when she wakes up tomorrow. Now, go to sleep.”
Petrie simply nodded to the old flyer that had been a guest in their home since he arrived in The Great Valley and went to sleep, thinking he was the only one who got off lucky.
There were a couple of others who got off lucky. Ruby and Chomper had also stayed up late talking to Ali and Ret. They headed to the caves they were staying in the moment they noticed it was so late. Ruby went to sleep immediately, but Chomper was unable to get any rest. He was contemplating in his mind what Ali actually thought of him. He was a sharptooth after all, the main type of creature that would rather eat her then be her friend. Then again, he was able to make friends with six completely different types of dinosaurs, all of which would normally be part of his diet.
He sighed at one thing though. With Ali being in a migrating herd, they were probably attacked by many different kinds of predators. She had probably been running from meat-eaters all her life. He knew it would be very difficult to make friends with someone like that. He knew Ali was afraid of him when they first met. However, she probably felt safe with all of her other friends around.
He started to wonder if the two of them would ever become friends. The only friends he had now were rather easy. Littlefoot took care of the little sharptooth after he hatched. From there, Littlefoot had pretty much encouraged everyone. All but Cera! Cera felt rather indifferent about Chomper. She didn’t want anything to do with him or his friendship. However, once Chomper’s parents had protected them and showed that they could be trusted, Cera had pretty much given Chomper her friendship.
And then, there was Ruby. He looked over at the fast-runner that was sleeping peacefully near him. She was being rather brave with all she was doing. She had promised Chomper’s parents that she would look after their only son. She was also trying to find a way to defeat Red Claw and so that both the valley and The Mysterious Beyond were safe once again. In all that time, Chomper was able to become friends with Ruby. He looked up at the moon, and at that point, he made a promise to himself, that before Ali left, he would find a way to become her friend.
Back at Littlefoot’s nest, Littlefoot, his Grandparents, Ali and Ret were all enjoying one final meal before going to bed for the night. Since Ali couldn’t walk until her leg was better, Littlefoot had put it upon himself to bring food and water to her.
At this moment, Littlefoot was carrying as many tree-stars as he could in his mouth to Ali. He dropped the star-shaped leaves in front of Ali for her to enjoy.
“Thanks, Littlefoot!” Ali said.
“You’re welcome, Ali!” He said as he headed back to get another batch for her.
He bent his long slender neck down and picked up about a dozen more tree-stars in his mouth. He then started to head back to Ali. By the time he returned he was so surprised by what he saw that he dropped all the leaves he was carrying. Ali had finished eating all the tree-stars Littlefoot had given her.
“Ali, did you eat them all already?” He asked in shock.
“Yeah, I’m actually quite hungry.” She admitted, feeling slightly embarrassed at the moment.
This revelation had peeked Littlefoot’s curiosity. “When was the last time you ate?”
Ali started to feel a little nervous revealing the truth to Littlefoot. “Me and my herd haven’t had anything to eat since we came to The Great Valley. Many times, we eat only plants that are underwater that are not very filling. Even then there’s not enough to go around. We make sure everyone gets a fair share though, and that those who really need the food get the most. It’s a rather hard life for us out there.”
Littlefoot was quite surprised to find out that Ali hadn’t been eating well most of her life. In all truth, it kind of scared him. “Has it really been that tough all your life?” He questioned with even greater concern then before.
“Since we had to leave ëThe Land of Mists’. It only got harder when Ret and his herd joined us since we had more to look after.” She then put on a fake smile. “But you really don’t have to worry about it Littlefoot, we’ll be just fine.”
“Well… okay! I… if you say so!” He then walked away without saying another word.
However, he was very concerned for her now. He hardly ever thought of the kind of life she was living. Now, more than ever, he really hoped she would stay in the valley. That way, she could have a better and safer life. However, he knew that he couldn’t deprive her of being with the family she cares about. He knew the only thing he could do now was to make sure she had as much fun as possible before she left. At this point, he was determined to make sure that her stay in the valley would be the best time of her life.
---End Chapter 6---
-----------------
Well, I hope you enjoyed that one.
I'll hopefully have the next one up by the end of the month.
For now, please review. :)
See ya later! :^.^:
-
Good writing, I've enjoyed all that I have read so far. :DD
-
Pop quiz: How many characters appeared in the latest chapter that will make no further appearances or earn no further mentions?
-
Sorry bout that.....misread the question!!!!!! :slap
-
When did Rooter or Red Claw appear in the latest chapter!? :blink:
-
This had a lot of potential at the beginning.
That has dropped somewhat. :(
Archie should make a reappearance, and should stay until he makes a major impact on the plot.
Bron should also make a reappearance. As well as Doc. But good job with Sue.
-
Sorry bout that.....misread the question!!!!!! :slap
No apology necessary. :^.^:
-
Okay, here's the newest chapter.
Now, I will apologize for one little thing. I know I promised you guys quite some Littlefoot&Ali action, but that sadly won't happen until the next chapter.
However, we do get a little moment. :D
Anyways, here we go!
Oh, and someone is finally going to get a major role. Try to figure out who! ;)
---------------
Chapter 7
The Meeting of Finding
The sun rose above the valley, presenting a new day. At sunrise was when the adults awoke, while the young ones would usually sleep a little longer. Many times, there was no reason for the adults to wake up so early, but today had a different occasion. With two lost ones being in the valley now, it was the adult’s mission to gather everyone and start a search party to look for the herd while the rest stayed behind to look after them.
Grandma and Grandpa Longneck were the first to awaken, and they started gathering those that they could. Topsy, along with Ducky’s mother soon awoke and they started to gather all they could. Petrie’s mother soon awoke, but she had no knowledge of yesterday’s event, so she hardly knew of the surprise meeting that would soon take place. However, Swooper heard her awake and the gray flier got up as well. He then approached the female.
“Good morning, miss!” He greeted kindly.
“Oh! Good morning, Swooper!” She greeted back. “I’m glad to see that my little Petrie came home safe and sound. I worry about him so!”
“He told me that he was late because he was spending time with an old friend of his and lost track of time.”
“Ah, I see!” She said, continuing to look at the little brown flier. She sighed. “It is so hard for him to make friends with his little speech problem and all. A lot of the kids in the valley see it as an annoyance and want nothing to do with him. He doesn’t understand just how lucky he is to have the friends he does now.”
The old flier nods at her. “I understand. Others turn away from me because I’m blind. However, you young miss took me in without a second thought, and for that I’m grateful.”
Petrie’s mother then decided to change the subject. “Well, since someone is visiting the valley now, I guess there will be a meeting of some kind to greet them properly. I’ll hopefully be back by the time the kids wake up. Keep an ëeye’ on the kids in case they wake up.” She half-joked.
Swooper let out a small chuckle. “Oh, I couldn’t do that if I tried!” He joked back.
The two fliers shared another laugh before Petrie’s mother took off to the area where the residents of the valley usually meet for these sort of things.
It wasn’t too long before all of the adults were nearing the area where they usually meet for special reasons. At this point, Grandma Longneck decided to wake up the guests that were still fast asleep at the nest. As she approached the young longnecks she noticed something that just made her smile in awe.
Littlefoot, Ali and Ret were all sleeping up against one another, which probably kept them warm throughout the cold night. What really made her smile was that Littlefoot’s head was resting on top of Ali’s. It was so adorably cute that it seemed to be a sin to interrupt such a thing. Sadly, the old female knew what had to be done.
She gave a gentle tap with her head at Littlefoot’s side to wake him. “Littlefoot! Time to wake up, little one!” She said soothingly.
Littlefoot started to stir as he was being awoken from his dream. As he stirred, Littlefoot started to feel that his head was not lying on the cool blades of grass or on cold and hard ground, but on something soothingly warm and somewhat comfortable. He lazily got up and immediately shook himself awake when he noticed that he had his head on top of Ali’s through the night. He blushed a deep shade of red in embarrassment.
He then heard Grandma Longneck chuckle and turned to her while still feeling embarrassed. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone!” She promised.
He sighed in relief. “Thanks, Grandma!” He said.
“Now, wake them up, Littlefoot. They have a special meeting to get to.”
Littlefoot let out a yawn and stretched his stiff body. Once he was done, he proceeded to wake up Ali and Ret.
He started by shaking both of them. “Come on, guys! It’s time to get up!” He said.
Ali was the first to awaken. She lazily opened her eyes and let out a yawn of her own. She then absentmindedly stood up and stretched her stiff body as well. It was then that she suddenly noticed that she was standing up and that her legs didn’t hurt one little bit. The special leaves had healed her legs overnight.
Littlefoot was surprised and had a look of happiness upon his face when he saw his friend get up on all four of her legs and move them around freely. Ali was quite surprised herself and started jumping around in happiness, having being able to walk again. While she was jumping around, she accidentally stepped on Ret’s tail. Ret screamed in pain as his tail was crushed under some sort of weight, which immediately woke him up.
“Hey! You didn’t have to step on my tail to wake me up!” He complained.
“Oh, sorry Ret!” Ali apologized.
Ret mentally accepted her apology and stretched himself. He then turned to Ali. “I see that your legs are better.” He said in a much kinder tone.
“Yeah! Those plants really did the trick!” She said happily.
“It’s great that you’re walking around again, Ali!” Littlefoot said, being very happy for her. However, his face became a little serious. “But now we have to go to the meeting the grown-ups have set up. You two will definitely need to be there. Both of you are the only ones who can provide us the information we need to find your herd.” He explained.
“Then let’s get going! The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can start playing, and I have a lot of fun ideas for us!” Ali said as the trio of longnecks headed to the meeting place.
It wasn’t too long before every grown-up in the valley had gathered at the meeting place, which was secluded at a fairly sizable, naturally carved half-dome shaped structure. Only the adults were allowed to meet in this area, with the exception of the children having important pieces of information to give that was related to the reason they were there. This was the main reason that Ali and Ret were allowed to come to the meeting as well.
The two young longnecks looked around at the many adults that had come to the meeting. They became nervous at the sight of all the different species of dinosaurs that were there. There were longnecks, threehorns, swimmers, fliers, fastrunners, spiketails, clubtails, rainbowfaces and even one elderly dinosaur known as a thicknose.
Ali turned to Ret. “You nervous?” She whispered to him.
Ret nodded. “Yeah! You?”
“Very!”
Grandma Longneck bent herself down to their level. “Now don’t worry, you two! All you need to do is provide us with the information we need and you can then go and play with your friends.” She said in a comforting tone, which made the two longnecks feel a little better.
Ali looked behind her and spotted her friends waiting patiently for her and Ret. She smiled and started to feel a lot less nervous. There was hardly any in her at this point, though she still had a tiny bit inside her.
Grandpa Longneck was the first to start the meeting. “Now that we can begin, I shall explain the reason we are all here.” He bent his neck down to Ali and Ret. He then gestured them to step into the front of the crowd so they could be seen. The two young longnecks hesitantly obliged. “This is Ali and Ret. These young ones got separated from their herd and got lost. We need to find their herd and bring them here to pick them up. Is there anyone willing to find the ones they belong with?”
“And how do you propose we find this herd of theirs?” One of the clubtails asked.
“Ali and Ret have agreed to give you all the information you need with the path their herd takes.” Grandma Longneck answered.
ëWe have to give away our secret path?’ Ali asked herself in shock. ëWell, if it’s the only way to find our herd…’
“Now then, who’s willing to go?” Grandpa Longneck asked.
It was a little later that Ali and Ret were able to provide everyone with the information they needed. It all showed that the path was rather complicated and quite long. Ali also pointed out the area where they got separated from their herd and told them of an alternate path they could take to get back on track. However, it led to a place that was heavily populated by sharpteeth, so it was quite dangerous, even for the small herd that was venturing out. Ali informed them that it was best to travel through that area at night, but it would be dangerous since some sharpteeth would be guarding their nests. This information made quite a number reluctant to make the journey since they didn’t want to end up food for sharpteeth.
After Ali and Ret were finally done giving out all the details, the grown-ups decided to ask who would go. A number had to stay behind for either the reason of having children to take care of or being too scared to go. Quite a number of the fliers volunteered since they had the best chance of making the journey. A number of the landwalkers also decided to go. However, there was one that surprised them all and it was near the end of the meeting.
“Now, is there anyone else who is willing to find their herd?” Grandpa Longneck asked.
“I will!” A voice said.
They all turned to see a male longneck that was old with age and had a single tooth sticking out of his mouth.
“You want to go, Pat?” Grandma Longneck asked in shock.
“You bet ya! I want to help the youngings. Also, I’ve been moseying along the valley and seen so much here that I feel it’s time for me to mosey on out of here and see the world again. Doing this will give me the opportunity.” He explained.
“Very well! If that is what you want.” Grandpa Longneck said.
“We will miss you, Pat. You’ve been a good friend during your stay here.” Grandma Longneck said.
“I will miss you too!” Pat said his goodbye as well.
After that, everyone was ready to head out and find Ali and Ret’s herd and they all departed to say their good-byes before they left. It wasn’t long until the good-byes were said and Ali and Ret were allowed to go and play with their friends.
---End Chapter 7---
-----------------------
Hope you enjoyed that.
Next one won't come until Mid to Late Janurary, due to other things I'll be taking care of through December.
Yet the next one will definately be worth the huge wait.
Anyways, please review. :)
See ya later! :^.^:
-
I enjoyed this chapter of the story. The plot seemed to flow in a natural way with no choppiness and the characters.
-
pokeplayer984, you are THE master at procrastination related to promises concerning this story. :D Nice scene-- whoops, did I let that slip? :wub: I meant to say nice chapter. I hope you didn't throw Pat into this as a one-timer and that he'll make more appearances.
-
Guess we have to wait to see if Pat is a 1 shot appearance and he'll go for a coffee break after or if he's around for a while.
-
Let me guess how it will end. Somehow, it will end and will connect to you next fan fiction.
-
Nah, it'll likely end with Ali joining Bron's herd with Rhett. Shorty will stay in the valley and Cera will join Ali's former herd. :lol
-
I highly doubt that will happen.
-
Perhaps not, but it would be a surprise ending wouldn't it? :lol
-
You've got me there.
-
Let me guess how it will end. Somehow, it will end and will connect to you next fan fiction.
Assuming that this fanfiction will ever have a sequel, then this is very likely for obvious reasons. :rolleyes:
-
Isn't pokeplayer writing another fan fiction? Where the gang is wrongly accused and forced to flee. and they return 20 years later.
If the ending wouldn't be pretty, then the perfect sequel would be the one pokeplayer is planning next.
-
I dislike bad endings, if he did that I'd not read any of his fan fiction again. I'm must weird that way. I usually don't like bad endings. Just me.
-
It wouldn't be a bad ending. Just an awesome beginning to a new story.
-
Actually, it would be a bad ending. Kind of like Star Wars Episode 5. Bad ending, but good start and ending for Episode 6.
-
Somewhat. It depends on how it ends. If it ends like Episode V, then it will be bad. But there probably is a way to make it possible to link two stories like such.
-
Why do they have to be linked at all. Why can't they be 2 different stories? completely separate?
-
Why do they have to be linked at all. Why can't they be 2 different stories? completely separate?
There's none that I can think of.
-
Okay, let me clear up everything here.
First off, this story WILL have a sad final chapter. Yet that won't be for quite some chapers. There's still alot to do with this story. Not to mention so many charcters left to put in. (Since I'm planning to do 1-12 and the TV Series charcters, that's quite a list. :^.^:) I'll be quite busy with this story.
Next up, this fic and Dark Future (My LBT R Rated Dark Fic) are NOT of the same series, but two completely different ones. On top of that, Dark Future was actually abandoned quite some months ago. I have sadly lost interest in continuing it until further notice.
Third, when The Adventures of Littlefoot and Ali ends, IT WILL END! There will be no sequal whatsoever. I have a way of designing the final chapter that is VERY unique. Most of my stories don't get a sequal. This one will be quite lucky to get one if it does happen, so don't keep your hopes up.
Now, as for Pat, he WILL appear again in a few chapters. After all, he does have an important role now that he's part of the herd searching for Ali and Ret's herd. Remember, due to the earthshake, they have to go through HEAVY sharptooth territory, so there should be quite some excitment when THAT happens.
Now, as for the next chapter, get ready for THE moment that will change Ali and Littlefoot's relationship forever.
It's a BIG one. So be ready. :)
-
Thanks for the info. I"m sure many here are waiting for your postings of your story installments. Good Luck.
-
Oh....this is gonna be a good one...I can feel it! And I look forward to it as well! :yes
-
I look very much forward to it, as well, but with that information in mind, I look forward to it with a chest full of worry rather than excitement. I don't know, I feel like I got slapped upside the head again. Sorry if that came off wrong.
-
Same here, I ususally read them on a off chance :)
-
This is quite an interesting story, I can't wait to see how it turs out. You said that "the big chapter" would be up by mid- or late-January, right? It's almost mid-January, so how much longer do we need to wait? (no, I'm not imatient)
-
pokeplayer984 may be very busy. I'm sure the next chapter will be posted when it'll be posted.
-
Well, it's FINALLY done!
This is the chapter many have been waiting for. The realtionship between the 3 longnecks will change forever!
Enjoy!
---------
Chapter 8
The Changing Moment
Ali and Ret finally met up with their friends after the big meeting. All of them were there, Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Ruby and Chomper.
“So, are you both ready to play?” Littlefoot asked.
“You bet! I’ve been wanting to play with you guys since we got here!” Ali said. She then whispered in Littlefoot’s ear. “Plus, Ret still only plays ëRescue’ with me and that really gets boring after only so many times.” The two longnecks started to giggle at that.
“Ha, ha, ha! Very funny!” Ret said, hearing exactly what they said.
At this point, Cera decided to step in. “Oh, Ali…” She began.
“Yes, Cera?” Ali asked, having her full attention.
“Before you decide what you would like to play, I’d like you to meet someone who will be joining us today.”
“Oh?”
Cera then looks behind herself. “You can come out, now!” She said in a gentle tone.
Ali then saw something peek out behind Cera. The tiny being then emerged from behind Cera and Ali could tell that it was a female threehorn baby that was colored a shade of pink. The little baby threehorn then walked up to Ali and started speaking in some sort of baby gibberish as if to say “hello”.
“Ali, this is my step-sister, Tricia.” Cera introduced the baby.
Ali bent her neck down to the baby’s eye-level. “Hello, Tricia.”
Tricia walked up to Ali and attempted to wrap her front feet around Ali’s nose as if to give her a hug.
Ruby giggled. “It looks like Tricia likes Ali already.” She said.
It wasn’t long until Tricia stopped hugging Ali and allowed her to bend her neck back up.
“So, what do you and Ret want to play, Ali?” Littlefoot asked.
Ali and Ret started to discuss what they should play.
“So, what should we play?” Ret questioned in a whispering tone.
“Whatever we pick, we need to make sure it’s safe for Tricia.” Ali said in the same whispering tone. She suddenly became a little serious. “And don't let it be ëRescue’!” She said sternly.
“Okay! I get the point!” Ret suddenly felt a little scared at his best friend.
Ali then got an idea. “Wait! There’s one game I haven’t played in a long time. Besides, we’re naturals at it with being in a herd and all.” She winked.
“Oh, I know what you’re talking about.” He winked back.
The two then faced the gang. “We’ve chosen the game ëHide ën Seek’.” Ali told them.
“Okay, great!” Littlefoot said.
“Oh, and since we’re playing, we have a few ëspecial’ rules for this game.” She piqued up.
“W… what kind of rules?” Littlefoot sounded a little nervous at that.
“Oh, nothing that will change the very nature of the game.” Ret promised.
“Instead of one being the one that ëseeks’, there’s two of them.” Ali explained.
“Two seekers that seek?” Ruby questioned.
“Uh-huh!” Ali nodded. “The two ëseekers’ will look for everyone else. The first two that are found are the new team of ëseekers’.”
“On top of that, you must ëhide’ in teams of twos.” Ret added.
“Aside from that, all other rules apply.”
“So, it’s like Hide ën Seek, but with teams?” Cera asked, pretty much understanding the whole thing.
“Yep! You got it!” Ret said.
“Okay! Sounds great!” Littlefoot said.
“Me and Ret will be a team on this one. What will your teams be?” Ali asked.
The gang huddled up together and started to speak among themselves how they would organize their teams.
“So, who should be with who?” Littlefoot asked.
“Well, I’m stuck keeping an eye on Tricia because once I asked, my Dad and Tria said I had to be with her until the end of the day. They said they had their own plans for today.” Cera said as she rolled her eyes.
“And I’ve got to keep an eye on Chomper because of the promise I made to his parents that I would promise to keep him safe.” Ruby said.
“Well, at least that takes care of two teams.” He then let out a sigh, having a little trouble figuring out how to pair up the last of them. “I think Ducky and Petrie will work well together on this one.”
“Good point! In this case, you need the right teammate to get the edge in the end.” Cera said.
“I guess that leaves me and Spike then.”
The gang of eight then faced Ali and Ret, having made their decisions. “Okay, our teams are, Me and Spike, Ducky and Petrie, Ruby and Chomper, and Cera and Tricia.”
Ali smiled, believing this would be easier than she thought. “Alright! Now we just need some good hiding places.” Her smile then faded. “Do you know of any?”
Several of them just nodded at her. “Yep! This way!” Cera said as she started to head off in one direction, only to be stopped by Littlefoot.
“Uh, actually Cera, the better hiding places are this way.” He said, motioning in the opposite direction Cera was going.
Cera shook her head. “Uh-huh, it’s this way!”
“No! It’s that way!”
Cera started to get a little irritated. “No! It’s this way!”
Littlefoot was getting upset as well. “That way, Cera!”
“My way is better, Littlefoot!” Cera was getting mad now.
“My way has plenty of hiding places!” Littlefoot defended himself.
“My way has better hiding places, including ëThe Sheltering Grass’!”
“You know its against the rules to use ëThe Sheltering Grass’ as a hiding place as no one can find you even if you hid in there!”
“Oh, no, no, no!” Ducky said, realizing what was going on.
Ruby sighed. “They’re at it again.” She said in disappointment.
“Yeah, that’s why it’s the best!” Cera argued.
“We don’t need ëThe Sheltering Grass’! We’ve been creative before!” Littlefoot argued back.
“They haven’t gotten any better at this since we left, huh?” Ali asked the ones watching the argument, who only nodded. “Thought so!” She sighed.
Ali walked up and separated Littlefoot and Cera before it could go too far. “Okay, you two! Break it up! I’ll decide which way we go!” She turned to the threehorn. “Cera, you lead the way!”
“Humph!” Cera said, feeling proud. “Follow me!” She said in a cocky tone.
Littlefoot sighed. “I just know she’s going to hide in ëThe Sheltering Grass’ now.” He mumbled as he reluctantly followed.
It wasn’t long until they reached the area where they would be hiding. It definitely had a good number of hiding places. There were plenty of bushes, trees and rocks to hide them, as well as The Sheltering Grass. The Sheltering Grass in particular was just a bunch of tall grass that could easily cover a number of the dinosaurs within The Great Valley, particularly ones the current height of Littlefoot.
Ali and Ret smiled at the location they were currently in. The two knew this was the perfect place to show them the skills they had developed from being in a herd most of their lives.
“Okay, everyone ready play?” Ali asked and everyone nodded to her. “Okay, me and Ret will count at this tree nearby. You know all the rules, so let’s play!” Ali secretly let out a sly smirk, knowing just how easy she made it for her and Ret without anyone else figuring it out.
Ali and Ret started counting. Littlefoot and Spike quickly hid behind a mass covered rock. Ducky climbed up a tree and hid within the foliage as Petrie flew up to join her. Ruby and Chomper both quickly hid within a bush. Finally, Cera and Tricia hid within The Sheltering Grass, as Littlefoot predicted. All the time though, the gang didn’t realize that the two seekers were using their highly developed ears to pinpoint the location of the other eight.
The two were soon done counting. “Ready or not, here we come!” They called out.
Ali and Ret immediately looked at The Sheltering Grass with whirly smiles. The two then looked at one another. Ret nodded to her, knowing exactly what she was thinking. Ali walked up to The Sheltering Grass and stopped at a certain location. She the reared up and jumped right into the tall grass, letting out a playful roar. A high pitched scream emitted from the grass.
“They didn’t find her already, did they?” Littlefoot questioned in shock from hearing the scream that he knew only came from Cera.
He, Spike, Petrie, Ducky, Ruby and Chomper all came out of their hiding places to find Ali right in front of an on-their-back-and-surprised Cera and Tricia.
Ali gave a proud smirk of her own to Cera. “Found you!” She taunted.
“This is impossible!” Littlefoot said, definitely surprised.
“No one has ever finded Cera before! No, no, no!” Ducky said in complete shock.
“Except for that one time she wasn’t playing, no one has ever found her when she is playing.” Ruby said in a matter-of-factuality.
“How she do it?” Petrie asked.
Cera regained herself. “Okay, either you got lucky or you cheated, because no one has ever found me that easily.” She said as she started to glare at Ali.
Ali let out a giggle. “I guess I should explain. When you live in a herd, you are given some rather special information on how to look out for sharpteeth. We have learned to stay alert with our ears.”
“Wait! Are you saying you heard us, because me and Tricia never made a noise.” Cera interrupted.
“True, but we did hear you go into ëThe Sheltering Grass’, while we were counting.” Ret told them.
“You both could hear us while you were counting?” Chomper asked.
“Yes!” Ali continued with her explanation. “From birth we are taught to focus on the areas around us. We are told to carefully block out other sounds and carefully listen for sharpteeth that could be lurking nearby.”
“But, couldn’t the herd you live in protect you from sharpteeth that try to eat you?” Ruby questioned.
“Yes, but there are some very clever and highly skilled ones out there.” Ret explained.
“They move like the wind and can strike you without warning, some of which can get you in a place that just means instant death if they got you.” Ali explained to them.
“W-we’ve never run into one like that.” Littlefoot said.
“Few like that exist, but you take no chances with a herd. Sharpteeth need the element of surprise on their side, and you need to make sure they don’t get it.” She then turned to Cera. “And that’s how we got you.”
Cera had her mouth wide open in shock throughout a good portion of Ali’s explanation. She then let out a proud smirk. “Okay, you win! I guess that makes me and Tricia ëit’ now, huh?” Cera said.
“Actually, there is one more rule I forgot to tell you all about. Since I was the one that found you, I get to have my teammate switch teams with one of the members of your team, and I choose you, Cera, to switch teams with Ret.”
Ret rolled his eyes. “Great! I just love to baby-sit.” He said sarcastically.
“Hey! You’d best keep an eye on her or believe me,” Cera said as she came closer to Ret, “I won’t be the only one giving you punishment if something happens to her.” She promised in a threatening tone.
“An untimely death by a family of threehorns. I understand.”
“Good!”
“Okay you two, if you’re done, let’s get back to the game.” Ali said.
“Looks like hiding won’t be that easy now.” Littlefoot muttered out loud to himself.
So they started up the game again, this time allowing “The Sheltering Grass” as a hiding place since Ali and Ret had such advanced seeking skills. With this new rule in play, Ruby and Chomper decided to hide in the tall grass. Ducky and Petrie hid in a different tree this time. Ret and Tricia hid behind a rock, though Tricia was making a lot of noise and Ret had to try to keep her quiet as not to give them away. Finally, Littlefoot and Spike hid within a bush, which Spike couldn’t help to start munching on and Littlefoot had to stop him and his gluttonous appetite.
“Ready or not! Here we come!” Ali and Cera yelled.
The two split up and started to look for the others. Ali didn’t pay much attention with her ears like the last time, so she was giving them a better chance. Unknown to her though, Ali was walking near the bush where Littlefoot and Spike were hiding.
ëWow, she’s definitely good! No way I’m allowing her to seek again. I’ve got to try and at least make it harder for her to find me.’ Littlefoot thought to himself as he saw Ali approaching.
In an attempt to hide better, Littlefoot started to back up a little. Unknown to him though, there was a plant right behind him that had very sharp needles sticking out of it. He backed up into the plant and the needles pierced the skin on his bottom enough to emit pain through his whole body. As a result of this newfound pain, he jumped through the bush while screaming in pain.
As Littlefoot landed, his mouth ended up closing around Ali’s, resulting in an open-mouth kiss. Both of the longnecks were shocked by this sudden turn of events. The two slowly removed their lips from one another and continued to look at eachother in shock. A million thoughts contemplated into their minds. The sudden touch of their lips, though brief, was quite an amazing feeling to both of them. Though Littlefoot and Ali were kissed by their grandparents and mother respectfully, they had never felt anything like they did with such a simple connection of the lips. There were hardly any words to describe exactly what they were feeling.
The unexpected moment did not go unnoticed one bit. All of their friends had seen the scene. They were all quite shocked by the sudden turn of events.
“Did I just see what I think I was seeing?” Ruby asked.
“Yep, yep, yep! I think we did see Littlefoot and Ali kiss.”
“Ali… Littlefoot… kiss? But, that mean…” Petrie began.
“That Ali and Littlefoot are in love!” Cera finished, taunting the two longnecks that were currently blushing.
“Look guys, it’s not what you think…” Littlefoot began.
“Uh, uh!” Cera started to tease them. “Littlefoot and Ali sitting under a tree!” She sang.
“Stop it!” Littlefoot yelled, interrupting the song Cera was taunting singing. He let out a disapproved sigh as he turned away from his friends. “I… I have to go!” He said as he left just to get out of getting teased by his friends.
Cera cocked an eyebrow. “What’s his problem?” Cera looked at the others and Ducky, Petrie, Ruby and Chomper all shrugged their shoulders while Spike mumbled something that was probably the equivalent of “I don’t know”. She then noticed someone was missing. “Hey, where’d Ali and Ret go?” Everyone looked around and couldn’t see them anywhere. Cera sighed. “Come on, let’s go and find them!” Cera then led the way, making sure Tricia wasn’t far behind, as they all began to search for their friends.
Unknown to them, all three longnecks had taken off in different directions. They all wanted to get away to contemplate their thoughts on the event that recently happened. Littlefoot had to figure out what was going on. He knew it was a complete accident and yet, a part of him couldn’t help but think that he wanted to do that all along. Ali was a great friend and all, but since they had first met, he had felt something different about her. He couldn’t figure out what was going on. He even didn’t understand why he felt so indifferent when she returned and introduced Ret to them. Then again, there was a pain in his chest he couldn’t understand. He couldn’t figure out anything. All he knew was that his grandparents might have an answer, and that’s where he would head over soon. Right now, he was trying to figure out how to tell them. He was currently sitting on a grassy field, trying to contemplate how to approach it all.
Meanwhile, Ali had sneaked away from her friends while they were busy teasing Littlefoot. Ali felt sorry for her long-term friend, but she was too embarrassed by the current circumstances to help him when he needed her the most. There was more of a complicated problem going on than her friends thought. She had developed feelings for not one, but two males of her species. Littlefoot had been in her heart for the longest time. For a while, she had fantasies of when they were older and had kids of their own. It was quite normal at her age to be feeling that way, despite having her whole childhood ahead of her. However, as time went on, she missed him more and more. Her feelings for him only got stronger. She knew that she would return to The Great Valley someday and tell him exactly how she felt… or so she thought. She had soon met Ret. He did tell lies to try and make Ali like him, but the truth was that she had other reasons to like him. The reasons she liked him were her own. She couldn’t figure out exactly what it was, she just seemed attracted to him. She tried to find other reasons to like him besides his looks, but she really couldn’t find anything else. Yet, that didn’t stop her feelings from only getting stronger. In time, she had almost forgotten her feelings for Littlefoot because of Ret. Now that this accidental kiss had just somehow happened, her long-forgotten feelings for him had returned. It had suddenly put her in a conflict with her own heart. Could her heart love two, or was it quite true that there was only room for one? She was so conflicted by it all that she collapsed onto the ground and went into deep thought.
As for Ret, the very moment he saw the kiss, he was completely heartbroken. He was completely sure that the kiss had sealed everything and that Ali would choose Littlefoot over him. As a result, he ran off before anyone could find out. He was so attracted to her because of how beautiful she looked to him. He couldn’t help but fall in love with her. He wanted to tell her the truth, but was unsure as to whether or not she would love him back. However, he now believed that the kiss between Littlefoot and Ali had all but ended it for a possible loving relationship with her. He soon sat down and started going into a state of depression.
Unknown to each of the three longnecks, Littlefoot, Ali and Ret all let out a saddened sigh and said at the exact same time, “What am I going to do?”
---End Chapter 8---
-----------------------
Well, I hope you enjoyed that.
Next one will be up in March.
See ya later! ^_^
-
I am liking the story.
However, the kissing scene was the mental equivalent of a bullet going through my head.
The "'What am I going to do?'" thing is like the movies.
-
That was the longest chapter I've read so far...and I liked it alot. The accidental kissing scene was kinda expected at some point, but it far surpassed my expectations. I look forward to the next chapter in March!
-
An excellent chapter, I can't wait to see what happens next. :yes
-
its not a fanfic anymore... its a legend! :yes
-
its not a fanfic anymore... its a legend! :yes
Agreed. This is awesome. But the kissing thing still haunts my dreams.
-
Yes, the kissing would have happened sooner or later. Likely was as much of a surprise to the readers as to them. Maybe expecting it to occur a bit later or something.
-
I am terribly sorry, but due to certian circumstances, I was not able to finish the chapter by now and as such, it must be delayed.
Once again, sorry for the inconvenience. -_-
-
No hurry, take your time. I never realized how long it could take to actually write a fanfic until I tried it myself. I started writing in late January and I've finished chapter 11 last Saturday. I thought I would have reached that point before this month. I guess it takes more time to write a story than to read it (surprise surprise :rolleyes: ).
-
Ugh! After a whole month delay, it is finally finished.
Enjoy!
------------
Chapter 9
The Truth of Hidden Feelings
It was a while before Littlefoot finally got his thoughts together and went to his grandparents for advice. He knew they would definitely know quite a bit about the subject he was going to approach them with and be able to give him the information he needed to handle the situation he was in. He soon found his grandparents at one of the many lakes within The Great Valley, having a drink to quench their thirst.
He approached them. “Um, Grandma, Grandpa…” Hearing their grandchild, the two old longnecks raised heads out of the water and looked at him. “I need to talk to you about something.”
The two old longnecks could see the solemn look within his eyes that couldn’t be hidden. “What’s wrong, little one?” His Grandma asked in a concerned manner.
Littlefoot knew they could tell when something was bothering him. There was just no hiding it. With a sigh to relax himself, he told them everything.
“Well, me and my friends were playing Hide ën Seek and Ali and Cera were ëit’. I was hiding within a bush and Ali had come near where I was hiding. I backed away a bit to try and hide better and hit a prickly plant.”
“Are you okay, little one?” His Grandma asked in concern, interrupting him.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He answered.
“Then please continue.” His Grandpa instructed.
Littlefoot took a deep breath before continuing. “Anyways, the pain that I felt made me jump forward and out of the bush. Then, when I landed, my lips were suddenly around Ali’s.”
“So, you’re saying that you accidentally kissed Ali.” Grandma summarized.
“Yeah,” he confirmed with a slight nod, feeling a little embarrassed. “But, the thing is, I really liked the kiss. A part of me didn’t want to separate my lips from hers. It felt different from when Spike gave me a friendly lick or you guys kiss me. Is it wrong for me to feel this way about it?”
The two elder longnecks smiled at one another and let out a chuckle. Seeing his grandparents laugh, Littlefoot was confused. The old longnecks soon got their laughter under control and resumed their conversation.
“Oh, Littlefoot! It’s very natural to feel that way about a kiss.” Grandpa said.
“Especially, when you are in love with the one you kiss.” Grandma confirmed.
Littlefoot was shocked by the revelation. “Love?” He then lowered his head in sadness. “Oh no! My friends were right!”
His grandparents looked at him in greater concern. “Is something wrong, Littlefoot?” His grandpa asked.
“It’s just that, when I had kissed her, my friends teased both me and Ali about it and sang ëthe song’.”
Having heard “the love song” themselves, his grandparents knew exactly what he meant. “We understand, Littlefoot.” His grandma said with deep respect.
At this point, Littlefoot just wanted to get this whole conversation over with. “So, what can I do about it all?” He asked.
“Well, there’s not much you can do about it. Love is something that is unavoidable in life.” His grandpa started.
“However, it is one of the greatest things you can have in life. You should feel grateful that you have it at such a level that you do at a young age.” His grandma continued.
“So, should I tell Ali how I really feel?” Littlefoot questioned.
“Well, that is your decision in the end.” His grandpa answered.
“However, understand that the heart is just as fragile as it is strong. If she rejects you, you’ll more than likely be hurt by it for a while.” His grandma furthered.
At this point, Littlefoot became worried about it all and his face definitely showed it. His grandma lowered her head and gave him a comforting rub.
“The only real advice we can give you is to tell her when the time is right.” His grandma said.
“How will I know?” He asked.
“Your heart will tell you.” His grandpa confirmed.
He let out a final sigh. “Thanks!” He then left. “Bye!” He said unenthusiastically as he left.
The two elders silently watched their grandchild leave. When he was out of earshot, Grandpa turned to Grandma. “Think we’ll see any great-grandchildren out of those two soon?” He asked her.
Grandma let out a light chuckle. “We can only hope.” She said.
The two chuckled together and gave one another a loving rub as they began to think of the possible future that was ahead.
Meanwhile, Ali was still contemplating everything that had been happening lately. In her current situation, there was little she could do about it all. The sad thing of it all was that she loved both Littlefoot and Ret. However, she knew in the end that she could only choose one of them, or at least that was what her mother had taught her. She was quite unsure of which one to choose. She was even unsure how she could choose between them. She was just lost in it all.
A little further away, an elderly dinosaur that was known as a thicknose by the residents of The Great Valley was enjoying one of his usual brisk walks through the area. He just usually looked around and enjoyed the vastness that nature had to offer. However, he soon spotted a small longneck. He got a little curious as to why such a young creature would be all alone. He started walking towards the longneck and he soon noticed it to be the young female that had been at the meeting earlier that day, who was separated from her herd. He got closer and noticed the sad look upon her face. He stopped right in front of her, and having noticed that she really wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings, started to talk to her.
“Excuse me, Miss,” he began, getting her attention. “Aren’t you Ali, the one who is staying in the valley until her herd returns?” He questioned.
“Yes,” answered Ali, “and you are…”
He bowed his head at her. “Forgive me. I am Mr. Thicknose. I am known to be the most knowledgeable dinosaur in the whole valley.”
This revelation seemed to peak Ali’s interest. “Well, if you are as knowledgeable as you say you are, then maybe you can help me with my problem.” She offered.
“Perhaps. Just tell me what is wrong.” He said in a calm manner, which seemed to ease the tension that Ali was currently receiving.
She took a deep breath to calm herself further and so that it would be easier to tell a complete stranger what the problem was. “I’m in love with two longnecks and…” At that point, she was cut off by Mr. Thicknose.
“You can’t choose just one, can you?” He guessed, though he was sure he was correct.
Ali was shocked that he figured it out so easily, but answered his question in a rather calm manner. “No, I can’t!” She stated in a gloomy tone. “I’ve loved Littlefoot for the longest time and Ret has been so caring while I’ve been away from the Valley and I fell for him too. How can I choose just one?” She questioned.
“What does your heart tell you?” He asked.
“I’m not receiving an answer from that because it is so conflicted.”
“I understand.”
“In all truth, Mr. Thicknose, my mom knows about this problem I’m having and is rather upset at me. She’s demanding that I choose just one. I want to respect her, but it is so hard to choose. Why is she making me choose just one?”
“I cannot exactly say, but I think I might have a basic idea. Ali, have you ever heard about spirits and a time after death?”
Ali thought about it for a minute. “I’ve heard of a few things about it all.” She answered truthfully.
“Well, there are those who believe that there is someone out there that you are meant to be with for your entire life, to love and care for, to have children with and to be with even after death. This one is what many refer to as a ësoul mate’.”
“You really think that is what my mother is so concerned about? That I’ll never find my soul mate?”
“That is my best guess.”
“But I’m just a kid! I’m not ready for something like what you described to me.”
Mr. Thicknose smiled at the maturity she was showing, despite being so young. “And no one should tell you otherwise. It is your choice in the end with whomever it is you choose as your soul mate. Always remember that.” Figuring she understood, Mr. Thicknose turned and walked away from her.
Ali called out to him. “Hey, one last question,” she said, getting the elderly dinosaur’s attention. “How will I know who my soul mate is?” She asked.
He continued to smile at her. “You’ll just know.” He told her, leaving Ali to think further.
As Ali pondered her thoughts, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Tricia, Ruby and Chomper were busy searching for their friends that had run off earlier. Chomper was the one leading the group, using his nose to track the three longnecks. Ducky was currently riding on Spike like she did most of the time. Her small amount of weight made it easy on the spiketail, so he hardly minded it. Petrie had gotten tired of flying around during the search and was currently resting on Cera. She didn’t mind the extra weight. In all truth, she could barely feel the little flyer on top of her. She was more concerned about finding her friends, especially Littlefoot. Cera was worried that her teasing might’ve gone too far and that he was mad at her. If that was such the case, she knew she had to apologize to save their friendship. Even if he wasn’t mad, Cera was still going to apologize to him in the end.
Seeing as how Cera was preoccupied with her thoughts, Ruby took it upon herself to keep an eye on Tricia, who was currently snuggled up fast asleep in the fast-runner’s arms. Looking down at the small pink bundle in her arms made her smile. This little experience seemed to also make Ruby think about her family that she had to leave behind. It was her duty to find a way to stop the sharptooth that was currently terrorizing everyone, as well as other sharpteeth, in the Mysterious Beyond. It was hard for her to adjust. Sure it was great having all of the amazing adventures she did with her friends, but she missed her family so very much. However, as much as she missed them, she knew she would return to them someday. For now, she had to focus on the mission of finding the longneck trio that was missing.
It wasn’t long until Chomper came up to a bush. He noticed it and started rummaging through the shrubbery. He soon was able to part it and allow himself through. Cera walked easily through it by uprooting it with her horn. Spike, not wanting the food to go to waste, started eating the green food the plant provided. Ducky sighed at the sudden sidetracking due to her brother’s gluttony. Finally, Ruby came through the brand new opening, still holding a sleeping Tricia.
Chomper stopped, which made everyone bump right into him, coming into an abrupt halt, Spike hitting them last due to his earlier side-tracking.
Cera was very annoyed by this. “Chomper, why did you stop?” She asked, feeling rather irritated.
“Look!” Chomper said, pointing straight ahead.
Right in front of the group was Ret. He had a look of sadness upon his face and didn’t seem to be paying any attention whatsoever to the group that had just found him. The group approached him and, noticing the look on his face, decided to find out what was going on.
“Hey, Ret. Why you leave?” Petrie questioned. Ret didn’t answer, even though he heard them.
“Yeah, I mean, Littlefoot and Ali I could understand, but why did you?” Cera asked.
“What is going on, what is?” Ducky asked.
“What is going on with you that is going on with you?” Ruby questioned.
Knowing they weren’t going to stop asking, Ret sighed and turned to them. “Do you think Littlefoot is the only one in love with Ali? Truth is, so am I.”
The entire group was shocked by this sudden revelation. Not a single one of them knew what to say, because the only thing on their minds at this point was just how big of a dilemma this was.
---End Chapter 9---
-----------------------
Hope you enjoyed that.
Please review.
Next one in June.
See ya then! :)
-
It was an interesting read and a dilemma that would likely occur sooner or later. The characters seem like the ones we know, and for a plus there is not magic or such.
-
ah finally, just what i need, a good new chapter of a good new story!
-
Looking good, PokePlayer :yes! Boy, Ali is in such a pickle at this time :bang. I definitely like Littlefoot better. That Rhette character is, in my opinion, trouble <_<. BTW, please be sure Cera apologizes to Littlefoot in the next chap. It's a relief when a conflict is resolved, especially between those two. They're such inseperable best friends :wub: :yes!
-
Another great chapter! Good work!
Hey, I was wondering if you were going to update this story on fanfiction.net. If I remember correctly, you only have the first four chapters of this story there.
-
Now that is one mighty shock to their systems. I do wonder what Ali and Littlefoot will do with their new found knowledge? Well I guess only time will tell. I await the next chapter.
-
Hey, I was wondering if you were going to update this story on fanfiction.net. If I remember correctly, you only have the first four chapters of this story there.
There are currently a few problems with the editing area, and until I can find a way around them, there will be NO updating at fanfiction.net. I just can't stand EVERYTHING getting "centered" on me, and this is becoming quite a hassel. So for now, please blame the site creator over there. It's not my fault he has a little bug. :P:
-
I am so far behind. :p I don't even remember what chapter I was on. I'll wait until there's an update at FF.net and then I'll read everything again.
-
Okay, I finally found away around the "Centering Everything" problem that fanfiction.net was having. I couldn't believe how simple it was in the end. All I had to do was "Align Left" everything on the original document and then set it up at fanfiction.net from there and the problem just didn't exist.
So yeah, it's been updated at fanfiction.net.
Consider the much needed update one of my many gifts to you guys before my official temporary leave.
Well, I just wanted to announce that.
So, I'll see ya later! :^.^:
-
I'm terribly sorry. I was hoping to get the latest chapter posted in June, but I'm not quite finished with it yet. There is one part that is a lot tougher than I expected. Plus the much needed reformat I did for my desktop didn't help me get this done sooner.
I will try to present it ASAP. I will say this about it though, there is one other element I like to put into my stories that will be presented with the latest chapter. It takes a nice amount of talent to pull it off. Besides, I feel that it wouldn't be as close to the LBT movies as possible without it.
Wish me luck with the rest, because it won't be easy. -_-
Just wanted to give you all a heads up.
So, see ya later! :^.^:
-
Good luck on your writing project.
-
Okay, here it is at last, the newest chapter. Now, as many of you know, there were complications in getting this done. There was the usual concept of figuring out how to make it all go the way it should. Then there was my reformat and the time my computer was spent being in the shop. Not to mention the usual distractions I get and make me procrastinate in the end. Finally, there was the complication of trying to put something in that just couldn't fit in the end and became a waste of time.
As such, the length is sadly not worth the wait. Hopefully, I can make it up to you all with another chapter this month.
As for now, here's the newest chapter. :)
----------
Chapter 10
The Hardest Thing
The whole gang of Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike, Ruby and Chomper had kept quiet about the whole revelation that was suddenly presented until one of them broke the silence.
“Okay, tell me right now,” Cera said, walking right up to Ret so she was staring him face to face. “How long have you been in love with Ali?” She demanded questionably.
Ret kept his sad look and lowered his head and so that he wasn’t looking at the irritated threehorn. “Since I met her on the very day our herds joined.” He confessed.
There was another moment of silence until Ret decided to break the tension. “I’m not sure what to do about all this. I worked so hard to get our relationship where it is. Now, with a single kiss, it’s all gone.” He told them.
“You no know that.” Petrie told him.
“Y – yeah, Petrie is right, he is.” Ducky agreed.
“You don’t know if Ali does not love you without knowing she does.” Ruby said.
“How would you guys know? Besides, you’d probably like it better if Littlefoot and Ali were together for the rest of their lives.” Ret said.
Everyone kept silent, not knowing what to say about it all. They were rather unsure of how to respond to this. It wasn’t long until the sad longneck spoke again.
“Littlefoot deserves Ali more than me. I know what I need to do now,” He finished as he walked away from the group of friends in search of Ali.
Not long after he left, Cera turned to the rest of the group. “I’ve got a bad feeling about what Ret’s going to do.” She said.
Meanwhile, Ali was searching endlessly for both Littlefoot and Ret. She needed to find them and so that she could tell them how she felt. She knew it wouldn’t be easy to break such news to them, but the truth of the kiss had to be cleared up.
It wasn’t long until she found one of them. It was Littlefoot. She saw him looking in different directions as if he was trying to find something. She then walked up to him and Littlefoot noticed her coming towards him. At this point, Ali noticed that he stopped looking around once he saw her, so she easily guessed that he was looking for her. They only stopped a few feet away from one another.
The both of them were quiet for a bit, looking anxiously at one another as the air around them seemed to get more and more tense by the second. What they wanted to say to one another didn’t feel as simple as they originally thought. Now, it seemed to be incredibly hard and getting harder by the second.
It was Ali who decided to take the first step of courage and break the silence. “Um… L…Littlefoot, there… there’s something I need to tell you.” She was so nervous that she said the last part so fast that she wasn’t sure if he heard her properly.
Luckily, he did. “Well, I… I have something to tell you too, Ali.” He said, feeling a bit more brave then before.
“Uh, you first!” She invited. At this point, she felt little courage to tell him the truth, even though there was some there.
“O… okay!” He started, feeling a little scared. However, he didn’t have the courage to tell her by looking at her. He closed his eyes and pretended he was alone. He then spoke out from his heart. “Ali, I feel that we’ve been friends for… for the longest time. W… when we first met, I felt something different than what I did with my other friends.” Even though he didn’t see her, he was still scared of telling her. However, the method he was using was making it easier. So, despite being nervous, he continued. “At first, I didn’t know what it was, but now, I think I do.” At this point, he opened his eyes and looked straight into hers. “Ali, I’m in love with you.” He confessed.
Ali was completely taken aback by this sudden revelation. All along, her friend had been in love with her and he just didn’t realize it until just recently. Maybe the kiss had something to do with it, but she was unsure. This new information however was making it harder for her to do what she had to, because now, she really didn’t want to break his heart. Despite that, she had to tell the truth. He deserved to know.
“Littlefoot, I… I love you too!” She confessed.
“Really?” Littlefoot asked in shock.
Ali nodded. She paused a bit before continuing. “But…” She noticed that her friend was looking at her questionably. “I’m also in love with Ret.”
When Littlefoot heard that, he suddenly felt a pain in his chest. The pain was almost exactly like the way he felt when his mother died. It wasn’t similar, but it was pretty close.
Ali continued. “I know he lied to me, but I just can’t help being in love with him as well. He’s been such a good friend to me that it would be wrong of me to break up our friendship over something like that.”
He gave her quite a sad expression, and when Ali saw this, it just hurt her more. “How long?” He questioned.
Looking into those sad eyes, she knew what he meant. “Ever since he joined our herd.” She answered.
“I see.” He simply said. He then walked away from her, feeling completely heartbroken.
Only at this point did Ali realize what a terrible mistake she had made by telling him the truth. Now she felt a pain in her chest as well. One she knew would never heal.
It was right at this point that the rest of their friends had found them. Ret immediately walked up to Ali, while at the same time, Cera rushed over to Littlefoot, who was about to leave, calling out his name.
“Hey, Littlefoot!” She yelled, which made Littlefoot stop and look at the source of the voice.
“Oh, hi Cera.” He said in an unemotional tone.
“Hey, I need to talk to you.” She was a little nervous as she usually didn’t do something like this, though it was likely that she never needed to. “I… I want to apologize.” She started to look away from him. “If I knew that teasing you and Ali about being in love would make you this upset, I never would’ve…”
At this point, Littlefoot spoke. “It’s okay, Cera. I forgive you.” He interrupted. “Besides, you were right. Ali and I are in love with one another. I just recently told her that I love her.”
Despite the good news, Cera realized how unemotional Littlefoot said what he did. “Then, why aren’t you happy about it?” She questioned.
Littlefoot then looked over to see Ali breaking the news to Ret, who didn’t seem to be taking it very well either. “Because, she’s in love with both me and Ret.” He answered.
Cera was shocked by this completely and couldn’t think of a thing to say. She just looked over at Ali and Ret as well, who were finishing their conversation.
“I… I understand, Ali.” He said and then walked away, leaving Ali heartbroken even more than before. It wasn’t long after that until Ali left the area and headed back to Littlefoot’s home, sad and depressed.
After they left, Littlefoot spoke, this time more to himself then to Cera. “I just don’t know what to do about all this.” He said and left to head home himself.
Cera just sat there, trying to figure out what could be done. She knew it wasn’t her place to get involved, but she strangely felt the need to do so. She was so lost in thought that she didn’t even notice the rest of her friends leaving because it was starting to get late. She then suddenly came up with an idea.
“I think I know how to help them. I’ll need to get Ali alone and see just how she feels about both of them.” She said. It was then that she noticed her friends were gone and had left behind a sleeping Tricia. Cera went over and picked up his sleeping step-sister. ëAnd the best way to do that, is with a ëGirls Only Day’.’ She thought to herself as she headed home to get the rest she would need for what she had planned the next day.
---End Chapter 10---
--------------------------
And yep, you can all easily figure out the next chapter. However, this is where I need the help of as many as possible.
You see, even though I have a basic idea of the plot for the next chapter being "Girls Only Day", I'm kind of stuck from there. I understand what the common stereotype for a "Girls Only Day" would be with today's modern standards, but were talking Land Before Time here, where all of those modern standards are gone.
So, the question is, with all those gone, what would the girls do for a "Girls Only Day" sort of thing?
Seriously everyone, I need your help.
Oh, and please review my latest chapter.
See ya later! :)
-
Seriously guys, I need help in figuring out what to do for a "Girls Only Day" storyline.
I'm seriously drawing a blank here. I NEED HELP!
-
One idea is maybe they could, among other things, go to the warm mud pool place Tria took Cera and some of her friends in the Tv series episode The Mysterious Tooth Crisis. Not sure if that is what you meant as for needing ideas.
-
as mr k (alter ego): as criticus for the FAF(fanart and fiction) i must say the author (pokerplyer984) made a beutifull chapter again of the bestest land before time love story i ever read, the emotion spats off the pages and op the screen! it is MASTERFULL! B) (FAF magazine is only available for GoF members,)
as kjeldo:
hehehe! you did good work again mate! but girls only day? maybe cera could convince ali to choose a side? or no... cera tells that she secretly loves littlefoot too! although that might go a little bit far in this case, <_<
-
Also would it be just Cera and Ali only, or maybe Ducky and or Ruby could be alone also, since they are girls also.
-
I think that this story has called for a BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE by New Order (http://www.realcty.org/mw/index.php?title=Bizarre_Love_Triangle)
-
I may be wrong, but it seems as though Ali might isolate herself from her friends due to fear of their judgement of her. Perhaps the chapter should go along the lines of Cera finding Ali alone and offering to hang out with her. She could lead Ali to a treesweet location and have her try them out then talk with her while they're snacking(equivalent of human females going to a coffee joint). Or show her the Tall Trees(the Gang's hangout) before settling down and having a one-on-one. Don't know if this helps...just a couple of suggestions.
-
I couldn't resist making a comment that relates to CTY. By the way, good chapter, and can't wait for the next one.
-
Okay, I have an announcement to make. I know you guys are waiting anxiously for the next chapter, but as of October 1st, any and all production of my current fanfictions will be stopped completely. The reason for this is that I'll be entering a fanfiction contest at another forum with a completely brand new fanfiction. The reason I can't enter with this one is because of the fact that it's for Pokemon and not LBT. So all production of all my different works will stop for this one story I want to enter. The contest I'll be entering will end February 15th. At that point, I'll start production again.
On a side note though there is some good news, I shall be taking requests for what you guys want in this fanfiction I am posting in right now. Pretty much anything goes. All requests I choose will be posted after the "Girls Only Day" chapter. You can send your requests by PM, e-mail or my MSN account. Understand, I will NOT take ALL requests. Please check with me to ensure it can be used.
I may work on this from time to time if I feel that I need a break from the fanfiction I am entering into the contest. So don't be surprised if another chapter pops up before February 15th hits.
Remember, this is only a temporary break. I shall begin again when the contest is over. For now, see ya! :)
-
Can someone provide me with a link to this story on fanfic.net? Sorry, I jst don't like reading stories with reader-commentary peppered between chapters (I call it Blu-Ray reading because I have to suffer through it there as well with the new "Blu-Ray commentary" feature <_< )
-
'sigh' the best always going away, so unfair, :(
-
Man, how many months has it been since this fan-fic was updated? I am subscribed to it on FF.net, and when I saw the update, I was excited. But then I realized that it wasn't a new chapter.
Man, pokeplayer! Do your fans a favor, and get back to work! Don't rush or anything, just get an update here before next year. We (your fans), at least I, want to see how this fan-fiction continues and develops. It would be a shame for you to stop writing it when the drama has begun.
-
I saw this, too, and I can't wait to find out what happens next. I'd like to see how Cera's plan goes :yes.
-
I don't know what's wrong with me to be honest, guys. However, for some reason I've been in a state of what's coined "Writer's Anxiety". This isn't exactly a case of Writer's Block, but something different.
This is where I have problems with my life and it's interfering with writing my stories. I've been trying to find other things to occupy my time with. You've seen what I've done in those months, right?
Created a blog, made my first few websites, put Land Before Time Movies onto my channel, and now I'm creating my own Land Before Time Website. Basically, I've been busy with things that only show I'm procrastinating. I'll try to get out of it, I promise.
Now I have problems with work. It's interfering with my social life. There's problems there that make me not satisfied with my job and they're making me draw the line here. Simply, they're pushing me to my breaking point. I'll go over the problems in my Walmart topic later today when I get the chance.
Just for you guys though, I'll try my best to at least get a little time into this story every day from here on out.
However, there are going to be some changes happening that I want to discuss with you all. First off, I won't be taking any requests from here on out. I'm sorry, but they just don't work with the story.
Next, this chapter will be split up into multiple chapters now. The "Girls Only" deal won't end with just the day part, it'll be continuing into the night as well. It'll end up making it three, possibly four chapters. By the end, you guys will be in for a shock that will advance the story into the TRUE plot I've been planning for this whole time. Yes, it goes beyond Ali's relationship with two boys. You're going to see something bigger in the end.
Finally, I think the story being delayed will benefit this story better, because it makes the later parts all that much better planned now. I promise, you won't regret waiting for it.
Well, that's all I'm going to reveal. I have to go now.
See ya later! :)
-
As I said, don't rush it. Take your time. Just get a chapter out by July 6, 2010. You have 364 days to write. Speaking of which, I think that I'm the pot calling the kettle black. I haven't updated MY fan-fics in ages. I think I need to write again soon.
-
Okay, here it is at long last. The latest chapter to The Adventures of Littlefoot and Ali.
Now, before I begin, let me just say that this didn't turn out exactly as planned. This chapter went over several different imaginings that basically made it much longer than originally planned. It'll be better being several smaller chapters rather than one long chapter.
I also wanted to put a little something into the chapter that just didn't end up working with it. So yet another chapter without a little element in LBT that I just really wanted in there.
Still, I think I did a good job in the end. So, without further ado, I (FINALLY) present to you the latest chapter of The Adventures of Littlefoot and Ali.
--------------------
Chapter 11
Girls Only Day
It was just at sunrise in the Great Valley. Hardly anyone was awake at this time of day, but one young anxious threehorn was up this early to initiate her plan. She started by heading towards a nest that housed a family of swimmers. Its location was underneath a tree that was near a pond. It was near there that she spotted what, or rather who, she was looking for.
Cera had spotted Ducky right where she thought the little swimmer would be sleeping, right near her large little brother, Spike. The two always shared the same sleeping spot. Cera quietly walked up to the nesting sight, ensuring not to wake anyone. She then snuck quietly towards the small swimmer. When she was close enough, Cera gently shook the tiny body in front of her.
“Hey! Hey Ducky! Wake up!” She whispered.
The little swimmer groaned and blinked her tired eyes open. She then stretched and let out a yawn. She then looked at the one that woke her up and looked surprisingly at the threehorn.
“Cera? What are you doing here?” She questioned. She let out another yawn as she was still very tired. “And why are you waking me up so early? Why?”
Cera shushed her, telling her to keep quiet. “I’ll explain later!” She whispered. “Just follow me and don’t bring Spike!” She said the final part rather sternly.
Ducky was surprised by this request. She was rarely told to leave her little brother behind. However, she knew that Cera would explain herself later and followed her, leaving behind Spike as ordered.
The two then headed towards a cave that was near the outskirts of the valley. The duo then walked into the cave and not that far into it, they spotted Ruby and Chomper, still fast asleep. Cera immediately saw her good fortune as she spotted Ruby only a few feet away from Chomper, meaning she could wake Ruby without running much risk at waking Chomper.
Cera turned to Ducky. “Wait here!” She ordered her in a whispering tone.
Ducky stayed behind as told while Cera walked quietly up to the slumbering fast-runner. Only inches away, the little sharptooth suddenly picked up on the scent of the sneaking threehorn. Cera noticed this and immediately froze, wondering if she woke up Chomper. However, the sharptooth got up and started walking around with his eyes closed. His natural instincts were functioning, but Chomper’s eyes were still in sleep mode. Still, Cera knew that the moment Chomper reached her he would wake up and ruin everything.
She moved the last little bit and started to shake Ruby awake. “Hey, wake up!” She whispered in a small state of panic.
Hearing the threehorn, Ruby awoke and tiredly looked at Cera. “Cera?” She questioned.
Cera shushed her. “Look, just follow me, don’t ask questions and don’t bring Chomper along. I’ll explain later!” She said.
Ruby obliged and followed. The three left the cave as quickly as possible, with Chomper in a slow pursuit, still sleep-tracking them. Cera led the other two females across a river and so that they would temporarily lose their scent. They then took off as quickly as possible.
It wasn’t long until Chomper came to the brook. Just before reaching the tributary, the young sharptooth tripped over a small rock that was right in front of the canal, thus causing him to fall right into the water.
The immediate feel of something cold and wet woke the sharptooth right up. In a state of panic, he got up and went out of the shallow waterway as fast as he could. After shaking his body dry he curiously looked around and noticed he was in front of the river near the cave where he slept. Thinking he just sleep-walked to the river, he shrugged and walked back to the cave to get a little more shut-eye before it was time to wake up.
However, the moment he entered the cave, he noticed that Ruby wasn’t there. “Ruby? Ruby, are you there?” He called out.
Meanwhile, sure that she had lost Chomper, Cera led the other two females to their next destination. They soon reached Littlefoot’s nest. Cera looked and it was just as she had predicted. Due to yesterday’s situation, not a single one of the longnecks slept even close to one another. She had a feeling they would be uncomfortable sleeping near one another due to the earlier events.
Cera quickly noticed, however, that Ret was the one who was closest to herself and she had to get past him just to reach Ali. She had no idea how much of a sleeper Ret was. So, feeling a little uneasy, Cera slowly moved towards Ali and did the best sneak performance of her life just to ensure that she wouldn’t wake up Ret. The plan seemed to work as Ret was still slumbering away and not taking any notice of the threehorn that snuck right past him. Cera then reached Ali and started shaking her awake.
“Wake up, Ali!” Cera told her.
Listening to her call, Ali blinked her eyes open and yawned. She then stood up and stretched out her stiff legs. She then turned to the one who woke her, pretty much expecting a longneck of some kind, but then noticed that it was a threehorn that she was looking at.
“Cera?” She questioned.
The threehorn shushed her. “Keep quiet, don’t ask questions and follow me.” She said.
Ali obeyed. Cera quietly snuck past Ret, but Ali just casually walked right past him. Cera took a quick glance and noticed that Ali didn’t even try a sneak tactic of any kind to get past Ret. It seemed like the riskiest thing to do. However, Ret didn’t even wake up. Cera was a little shocked, but figured that Ali would explain once they reached their destination, so Cera quickly led Ali to the bushes to talk with her.
Ali followed the threehorn and once they reached their destination, noticed that Ducky and Ruby were there waiting. Seeing this really confused her and she turned to Cera to question her. However, the threehorn spoke up before she could say anything.
“Continue following me, girls. We’ve got a lot to do today.” She said. She was about to move on ahead but a voice stopped her.
“Cera, I am not moving one step further, no, no, no.” Ducky enraged in an out of character fashion.
“I am not moving as well. Not until you tell us what is going on that is going on.” Ruby told her sternly.
“Cera, if you don’t tell us what is going on right now, I am breaking up our friendship for good!” She said with a face that showed she was serious.
Cera was quite surprised by how the three of them acted. It was rather out of character for the female friends she had known for so long. She quickly figured that it was best to tell them and sighed in defeat.
“Okay, the truth is that I had gathered all of you for a ëGirls Only Day’ and I wanted to surprise ya.” She informed them.
The trio that questioned her were rather surprised, but they all just smiled at her, not showing one bit of their bewilderment.
“See? It wasn’t so hard to tell us.” Ali said showing a sly smile.
Cera was quite shocked. “Wait, none of you are mad at me?” She questioned.
Ducky giggled at her. “Oh, no, no, no, we are not, not at all.” She said.
“We just wanted to know what was going on that was going on.” Ruby said. “Ducky came up with the idea she came up with.”
“We decided to just act mad and so that you would tell us. We did!”
“You mean, you tricked me just so I would tell you?” Cera asked. Ducky and Ruby nodded at her. Cera then turned to Ali. “And what about you Ali, would you have ended the friendship we have if I didn’t tell you?”
It was then that Ali laughed at her. She went into such a fit of the giggles that she started rolling on the ground, unable to control her amusement. It was a while before she stopped letting out guffaws and got herself under control.
“I can't believe you actually thought I was going to end our friendship!” She said as she started laughing again.
“Well, I actually did.” Cera confessed, now feeling rather embarrassed.
She soon got her laughter under control again. “I would never do that to you, Cera. You're one of the best friends I've ever had.” She smiled truthfully.
Cera just smiled back at her, grateful that she had a friend like Ali.
“So, where are we going to that we are going to today?” Ruby asked.
Cera just smiled mischievously at the trio of girls in from of her. “Follow me, and you'll find out.” She answered as she led the way.
The girls didn't question her and followed, not knowing of the day that was in store for them.
~Author's note: Cera's POV~
I must admit that it wasn't easy pulling this off. I actually had to sneak away just to do this with the girls. On top of that, I didn't think any of my plans of getting the girls together with me through. I was lucky enough to get Ruby away from Chomper as it is. I should've known that sharptooth's sense of smell was that good.
However, what I don't understand is how Ali got past Ret like that. I mean, come on! You should at least have a strategy of some kind, anybody knows that. I'll have to ask her when we make it to the special place.
I'll be even more lucky to keep this place only I know of a secret much longer. That's right, I'm the only one out of us who knows about where we are going today. I just stumbled upon it one day when I wanted to be alone, away from my friends and family. I guess I could call it my thinking spot. A place to go when I need to cool off or something within that area.
Anyways, we soon reached a cave and I noticed that the girls were becoming even more curious as to where we were going. Of course, I knew we would be okay. Sure, the secret place was in the Mysterious Beyond and all, but I had never seen a single sharptooth in there, so I'm sure it's pretty safe. We soon reached what looked like the end of the cave, but I knew better.
“It's a dead end!” Ali said, pointing out what seemed to be the obvious.
“Are you sure we are going the way that is the right way to go?” Ruby questioned.
I answered them by getting in front of a large rock that was nearby and pushed with all my might. It soon rolled out of the way and let light from the Bright Circle in. From here, let's just say what they saw next definitely surprised them.
Within this small field, surrounded by a great wall of it's own, much like the one in The Great Valley, it had bubbling water that had many trees with treesweets growing out of them. There really wasn't much else to it. Still, not a bad place to go and think, huh?
“This... this place is beautiful!” Ali said in awe.
“It is beautiful! It is! It is!” Ducky agreed.
“I've never seen a place so beautiful that is as beautiful as this place before.” said Ruby.
Well, let's just say that I wasn't surprised that they would react pretty much the same way. It was pretty much my reaction when I first saw this place too. Looking at how they were reacting though, a part of me felt a little guilty for not telling them sooner. In fact, a part of me wanted to invite the guys now. However, I immediately shook that idea out of my head. This was a special day for us girls only and I wasn't going to let anything ruin it.
~End Cera's POV~
All of the girls then ran off to the oasis to enjoy their time there.
Meanwhile, back in the Valley, Littlefoot was waking up. He stretched his stiff body and so that the muscles would start working. He looked around and noticed that Ali wasn't around. He continued to look around and saw that Ret was still asleep. He immediately went over to Ret to wake him up and so that they could find her.
He started to shake the sleeping longneck, but Ret stayed fast asleep. Littlefoot then tried a more persuasive method.
“Hey Ret, wake up! Ali is missing!” He said while shaking him, but Ret continued to sleep.
Ret was proving to be a heavy sleeper. He started to wonder if stepping on his tail would be the only way to wake him. Before he could do that, Chomper came through the bushes and came running up to Littlefoot. The little sharptooth looked to be in a state of panic.
“Littlefoot, Littlefoot!” The little sharptooth said in a tone of urgency.
“What is it, Chomper? He asked.
“It's Ruby! She's missing!”
This shocked him completely. First Ali was missing and now Ruby. He decided to not waste any more time.
“Okay, help me wake up Ret and we'll look for both her and Ali.” He decided.
Chomper noticed what he said. “Ali's missing too?” He questioned.
“Yeah! This is starting to get strange.”
They started to try and wake Ret again, but regardless of how much they shook the snoring longneck, he still slept on. Littlefoot then chose to take drastic measures.
“Okay Chomper, give him the scariest roar you can.” He instructed.
“Um... Okay.” Chomper then took in a deep breathe and let out a mighty roar.
This woke Ret right up. “Ah! Sharptooth!” He screamed and quickly hid behind the nearest bush.
The reaction made Chomper and Littlefoot laugh in hysterics.
Noticing the laughter, Ret looked up and saw the two culprits who were behind the joke. He left the bush and angrily walked up to them.
“Oh, you two are just a laugh riot, you know that?” He said sarcastically.
The two stopped laughing, but were still smiling. “Sorry about that, but we really had to wake you..” Littlefoot said as his smile faded.
“And why is that?” He asked. He then took a quick look and noticed something. “Hey, where's Ali?” He asked.
“That's why we had to wake you. Her and Ruby are missing.” Chomper said.
“What? Ali's missing?” He questioned in fear.
“Yeah, we have to find them. Come on!” Littlefoot ordered as he led the way to gather the rest of the gang so they could find the missing females.
Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the girls were relaxing within the hot water. Ruby was submerged up to her chest and was nibbling on one of the pear shaped fruits. Ducky was sitting at the edge and only having her feet in the water, figuring it was too deep for her and that she didn't feel like dunking into the hot water. However, she did get a little inventive with one of the fruits. She had taken one of the hollow weeds that was around and jammed it into one of the fruits, allowing her to slurp up the juices within.
Cera had only half her body in the water. She had also put one of the big leaves on her head and so that it covered her eyes from the bright sun. Ali though, she really got into the hot water and had put her whole body, even her long slender neck, up to her head into the boiling liquid. She was probably the most relaxed out of them all, and she was the one who needed it the most.
Cera noticed just how relaxed she was. “So, you enjoying yourself?” She asked.
Ali sighed. “Oh yes, Cera. This was a great idea.”
Ducky slurped up some more of the juice inside the fruit before speaking. “Yes Cera, this idea was wonderful, it is, it is!” She agreed and went back to enjoying her drink.
Ruby took another bite of the fruit then spoke. “This was the greatest idea out of great ideas that you ever had, Cera.” She said in agreement.
Cera smiled. She liked seeing how much her friends were enjoying themselves. “I'm glad you girls are having a good time. Especially you Ali, what with your boy problems and all.” She said as she rolled her eyes.
Ali sighed as she tilted back her head to look at the sky. “I just wish I could set things right. Both of them are really upset now. They didn't want to sleep anywhere near me last night. Not that I don't mind, but it would've been nice if one of them kept me warm. It was freezing last night.” She complained.
The two females were silent for a bit before Cera spoke. “Hey, Ali...”
“Yeah?” The female longneck questioned.
“After your herd returns and picks you up, how long will it be before you return?” She asked.
At this point, she brought her neck out of the water. “To be honest, I don't know.” She looked away sadly.
“You don't know?”
“It could be a while. Maybe until I am all grown up.” She then bowed her head in deeper sadness. “Or maybe never.”
This stopped whatever activity the other females were doing, especially making Cera crane her neck at Ali and so the leaf on her face fell off and into the hot water, as they looked at Ali with shock.
“What? What do you mean 'never'?” Cera questioned.
“Old One's health is wearing. Few of the herd can tell, but me and my Mom have noticed.” She confessed. She took a deep breath before continuing. “If I know Old One, she'll want to retire from her leader position when the time comes and will want the herd to settle down where they can be safe.” She let out a sigh. “I just don't know where that's going to be.”
“So these days that we have together could be the last days we have together?” Ruby asked.
She nodded in sadness. “Yeah.” She practically whispered the next part. “And when I found out how I felt, I couldn't bear to tell Littlefoot.”
Cera heard and she then looked rudely at the longneck. “You have to tell him!” She said as if it were a command.
“But I can't! It would only make him feel worse.”
“Come on, Ali! He's your friend, and you care about how he feels, right?” Ali nodded. “Then how do you think he would feel if you didn't tell him? What do you think he would feel about you personally?”
“But, I don't want to hurt him.” She begged.
“You're going to hurt him either way, Ali. At least before you go, do what you know is right.” Cera said as she got out of the spring to search for another of the big leaves since the one she had was now soaked and emerged in the water.
The others got out as well to do their own little thing. This left Ali alone in the hot water to think over her dilemma.
Meanwhile, Littlefoot, Chomper and Ret had all arrived at the nest of Ducky and Spike and found Spike without Ducky. Littlefoot was finding this really strange and confusing.
“Where's Ducky?” Chomper asked.
“I don't know. Her and Spike are usually never apart.” Littlefoot answered.
Spike whined, missing his big sister.
“Don't worry Spike, we'll find her.” He reassured the spiketail.
Ret just kept quiet. He was silently spacing out away from them. At this point, a part of Ret felt it was his fault for Ali to go missing like this.
Littlefoot walked up to him. “Don't worry,” he began, getting Ret's attention. “We'll find her.” he reassured.
“Yeah, sure!” He said sorrowfully.
At this point they heard the sound of flapping. They looked skyward to see Petrie coming towards them.
“Hey, Petrie!” Littlefoot said as he saw the little flyer land and take a breather. “Well?”
“Cera no at her nesting place either!” Petrie informed.
This got them all concerned. “All right! This is really weird.” He then turned to Chomper. “Chomper, sniff them out! We gotta find them.” He said.
The tiny sharptooth obeyed and sniffed around. It wasn't long before he caught the scent of the females. “I found them!” He said.
Chomper led the way, the rest of the males following. They hoped they would find them soon.
---End Chapter 11---
-
nice story :DD
-
Well, I've just read through all of your chapters.
So far, I find your story's very well constructed.
I have an idea for a love story fanfic myself. Only this one is an inter-species relationship. But unlike the "forbidden" one I did (I can't remember if you read it or not) I'll keep it clean. I promise. :angel
Don't know when it'll be completed, though. I have to take the time to write it.
-
Okay, I felt like giving an update on my progress thus far. I don't know why, but for some reason, I've been lazy on this. I obviously have a lot of time to work on it, but I spend it doing other things. I don't know why I've been doing that, but I am sorry.
However, I will say that I am at a part that has changed the possible future of this fanfic completely. You see, there is a scene in it that has made it possible for a follow-up to happen. Now, you can't call it a sequel mainly because of how I plan to set up the ending, which still has yet to change, despite everything. I guess you could call it a missing chapter.
So, why is this "missing chapter" not going to be in this one? Mainly because it doesn't center around Littlefoot and Ali and Ret, which is what this one is about. The next story in this tale is of a completely different couple and deserves it's own story. You'll be surprised what I come up with for this one.
Also, despite looking at the whole thing and figuring out the plot for EVERY chapter now, I have found that I won't be able to keep the promise of putting in EVERY character that I wanted to. However, I will try to put in as many as I can.
So, that's where I am now. I've got the whole plot figured out and maybe I'll get the newest chapter done this week if I feel enough motivation to work on it.
Also, to any mods that read this, please change the title because I have come up with a new name for it. It is now called...
"Love Knows no Bounds: The Three-way Relationship"
I don't care what you guys think about it. I personally like it more. :)
Well, that's my announcement and I'll see ya later! :^.^:
-
When is your next chapter coming out? That last chapter has left me wondering ever since you posted it.
-
Here's the newest chapter and the length is certainly NOT worth the wait. -_-
Chapter 12
The Decision
The girls continued to enjoy the oasis they were privately staying at. Cera had found another of the giant palm leaves and had it covering her face while she was submerged up to her chest in the hot water. Ducky had secluded herself to the shade of a tree while sipping through a hollow weed to get to the juices within the treesweet she had jammed it into. Ruby had rejoined Cera in the hot spring, submerged up to her shoulders. She had sat on one of the vents where the hot water mainly came from. It felt so wonderful upon her rump.
However, Ali was not enjoying the hotspring. She had gone to a random spot where she could be supposedly alone and think. She had taken Cera’s words to heart. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t right to keep her secret from Littlefoot. Still, how could she tell him that she might not ever return? She was in love with Littlefoot. Telling him this would be like telling him that they could never be together no matter how much they wanted to be.
Also, telling him this sort of thing would be like saying she was choosing Ret over him. Then again, she loved Ret as well. He helped her during the time she missed her friends. There was no doubt that he showed that he cared about her. Especially as of late with how he helped her when she was unable to use her legs. He even gave up his old ways of lying and wrongful doings just so he could be, not only a better friend, but a better individual, and it was all for her.
It was indeed sweet, but what more was there out of him? After all, he did leave her to defend for herself when Chomper pretend-attacked her. Under normal circumstances, she would be dead long before he arrived with help. Then again, he had changed since then. He wasn't the same longneck he once was. Maybe he would make a different choice then the one that he did.
Without any kind of confirmation, it was difficult for her to make any kind of choice at all. Even the one where she could wait to make the choice decision. If anything, it would take something major that fate itself would decide.
Back with the boys, they were still busy tracking them. The trail of Cera led them all over the valley. They started at Ducky's nest, then went to the cave where Ruby and Chomper were sleeping, and then across a stream, where they suddenly lost the trail, but soon picked it up again. Finally, they ended up back at Littlefoot's nest. However, they found the scent of all the girls right there, confirming that they were at least together.
At this point, they had followed the trail to the edge of The Great Valley. Right now, Littlefoot had grown worried, thinking the girls had adventured into The Mysterious Beyond. He just hoped he was wrong. Otherwise, there was no telling what danger they could be in.
Spike had grown increasingly worried for his Big Sister. There was hardly a time when the two weren't together. Even if there were times she wasn't on his back, she was always close by. Even with his friends around him, not having her felt almost lonely. He had to find her because he felt nothing without her.
Chomper was the one leading them. After all, he was the only one who could track the girls. His nose was rather powerful at finding the scent he was searching for. If he wasn't such a good friend with leafeaters, he would make a very powerful predator even at this point in his life.
Petrie was up in the air, scouting ahead. His job at this point was to ensure there was no danger up ahead. He too was worried about the girls, especially one girl in particular. They were friends for so long that it was natural for him to be worried about her, but why would he care so much for one more than all of his other friends? It didn't matter to him at this point, he just knew that they had to find the girls.
Ret was the one in the back of the group instead of the usual one being that of Spike. It seemed natural to Ret though. He wanted to be isolated a bit so he could be alone with his thoughts. He was indeed worried for Ali. Why wouldn't he be? She was his friend after all, but the recent events had plagued his mind. How could they not? The fact that Ali was in love with both him and Littlefoot terrified the longneck. It meant that she might choose Littlefoot after everything was said and done. It was the greatest possibility after all.
If one looked at everything and based what fate would bestow upon the amount of love and friendship others had, then it was likely that Littlefoot and Ali would be together in the end, and that he would be alone. Ret didn't like the idea of being alone after all he had done to get Ali to admire him. He only lied in the first place because he had fallen under her spell.
How could no longneck fall for one as beautiful to him as Ali? Her slender neck, her silky legs, her stunning lips, her perfect nose... However, it was those eyes of hers that lured him in. They seemed to have a hypnotic effect upon him. He'd melt into putty upon her command if she wanted him to. She was perfection to him.
Yet, he wondered how she could be so forgiving, especially with the incident of the last time they were in The Great Valley. After all, he did leave her to defend for herself when Chomper pretend-attacked her. He hardly thought about his decision to just run off like that. However, as he looked at it all now, he knew he was stupid to do what he did. He wasn't brave to take on sharpteeth, like he said he was with his stories, but he didn't even consider the safety of his friend. He just left her to be sharptooth food. It broke his heart in a way that it would never mend. The fact that, under real circumstances, his actions would've killed her. It killed him knowing that he would've killed her in the end.
The males, including Petrie who had landed on Spike, soon found a cave and Chomper soon found something. “They went into this cave.” He said, catching the scent of the girls from within the cave.
Hearing this, Littlefoot got suspicious. “Okay! Let's go!” He commanded and took over the lead as the rest followed behind him.
Back with the girls, Ruby had decided to get out of the hot spring as it was definitely getting too hot in there and had joined Ducky, who was still within the shade under the same palm tree she had been relaxing at. Ducky had just finished off the latest tree sweet and was now sleeping off her tasty meal.
Ducky was having a strange dream at this moment right now. In her dream, she wasn't a swimmer, but a flyer. In fact, she was the same flyer-species as her friend Petrie was. She had the same beak, but it had a yellowish-green hue to it. She also retained the same green colored skin she has always had. She could feel her wings catching the draft and making her soar through the sky. It was an amazing feeling to fly through the air like this. A part of her wondered if this was what it felt like every time Petrie flew the sky.
She looked to her side with her blue eyes and saw her friend, Petrie flying next to her. Both of them being up in the air like this seemed to make her happy. It also seemed to make her heart swell with this wonderful feeling that she couldn't think of a happier moment in her life.
Her eyes then shifted downward and what she saw shocked her. Everyone in the valley was glaring up at them angrily. From her friends to ones she had never met. From old acquaintances to newcomers. From complete strangers to her well known family. Every last one of them were mad at them for a reason she could not understand.
Her eyes then fell upon her mother. The adult swimmer was casually tossing a small stone up and down in her hand while looking up angrily at them. Suddenly, she threw the rock towards them. The pebble started to get bigger and bigger as it came towards them. It was soon the size of a boulder as it came upon them. It was big enough to shatter all of their bones.
As the boulder came crashing upon the duo, Ducky awoke from her dream. She breathed heavily, wondering exactly what her strange and unusual dream meant.
Ali though was still in deep thought. She had concluded to herself that telling Littlefoot about her departure was the right thing to do. Yet, she couldn't figure out how to tell him. If she told him about it all the wrong way, he would probably believe that she was choosing Ret over him and that was the last thing she wanted him to believe at this point. It was the one thing she could not contemplate.
At this point, Cera walked up to her. “So,” she began, getting Ali's attention, “have you decided yet?”
Ali nodded to her. “Yes. I will tell him the truth.”
“Well, that's probably the best decision you've ever made today.”
“But... I don't know how.”
Cera gave her a confused look. “Huh? What do you mean?”
“It's not that simple, Cera. I have yet to choose between them. I don't want to make it sound like I'm choosing one over the other, because I'm not. Not yet at least.”
Cera rolled her eyes. “Ugh! You're only making it more complicated than it needs to be. Look, just tell Littlefoot the truth and he'll understand, I promise!”
“Tell me what?” A voice said.
The two of them were shocked by the voice and turned towards the source to find all 5 of the boys looking at them. The other two girls looked upon the guys as well and they all knew...
They were in trouble.
---End Chapter 12---
---------------------------------
Ooh! I'm SO evil with giving you suspense! :nyah
At least this will make it easier from here on out. I've been thinking a lot about the future chapters through the delay. I actually have all the details worked out. So, hopefully from here, it'll all fly by.
Oh, and you can't blame me for putting in the little thing I did, now can ya? ;)
Please Review.
See ya later!
-
*SIGH*
Leave it up to the boys to ruin a girls day out :rolleyes:. I'd be irritated at 'em :p. Hey, maybe that could be Cera's reaction to their party-crashing moment. I could imagine her chewing their tails out for not respecting their girls day out :lol :angel.
-
I do plan on exploring the love triangle that debuted in the TV Series. It is the first LBT love triangle I actually have a fondness for within the franchise. Littlefoot and Ret competing for Ali's heart. What's a girl to do when she loves them both?
Acutally, wouldn't it be a love square?
Here'e the four different combinations of them.
- Ali likes Littlefoot
- Ali likes Rhett
- Littlefoot likes Ali
- Littlefoot likes Cera
See what I mean? It kind of involves Cera too, I presume that in the movies she actually dose like Littlefoot, the main and supporting character always show hints of their love or always fall in love at the end, Littlefoot and Cera have shown hints of their love throughout the series.
-
Good work delving into the feelings of Ali and explaining the turmoil she is in. I thought it was nice that all the girls got to do something on their own, which is a rare thing in LBT movies and shows where there is almost no mention of gender bias or preferences.
It's also nice to see that Rhett has changed from the ass that he was in the tv series, though i find it hard to believe that he could change so easily. One thing about headstrong and arrogant characters is that they don't just change on a dime and I was hoping to see a bit more evidence of a change as opposed to *poof* Rhett's nice now.
A good read. Please continue to write and add to your stories.
Caustizer.
-
I do plan on exploring the love triangle that debuted in the TV Series. It is the first LBT love triangle I actually have a fondness for within the franchise. Littlefoot and Ret competing for Ali's heart. What's a girl to do when she loves them both?
Acutally, wouldn't it be a love square?
Here'e the four different combinations of them.
- Ali likes Littlefoot
- Ali likes Rhett
- Littlefoot likes Ali
- Littlefoot likes Cera
See what I mean? It kind of involves Cera too, I presume that in the movies she actually dose like Littlefoot, the main and supporting character always show hints of their love or always fall in love at the end, Littlefoot and Cera have shown hints of their love throughout the series.
In my story, Littlefoot and Cera like each other on a friendship level. Not on a love level. Sorry!
I took a little break to work on my e3 coverage with Nintendo. Now with that being over, it's time to get back to this.
If things go well, sometime next month is when the new chapter should be out.
Well, see ya later! :)
-
Just wondering, are you going to update soon? Not being pushy or anything, I just want to see what happens between the girls fun day, and the others who might ruin it (Chomper...)
-
During my vacation, I've been able to work on the next chapter and complete it. However, I'm going away from the gang to update on a little something.
Enjoy!
WARNING: Contains some bloody violence. Reader Digression is advised.
<><><><><><><><><>
Chapter 13
The End of the Search
While this was all happening, the herd that was assembled by The Counselors of the Great Valley had now arrived deep within Sharptooth Territory. So far, the vast number of dinosaurs, that being of forty or so, had made the sharpteeth cautious. Some, however, were quite skilled and knew of a trick or two to getting at least one of the herd. Killing them without notice until it was too late. Just one of the members of the herd was big enough to feed a small Sharptooth Family.
Despite the fact that it seemed safe at this point, the herd was on high alert. Some were elderly and not in the best of shape to put up a good fight. They may be among the first that a sharptooth would go after. On top of this, Ali did warn them that some of the sharpteeth were quite skilled, having been known to take out ones that were both healthy and strong thanks to clever hunting tactics. With such deadly foes, the herd had to be on their guard.
Pat was the one chosen to lead the herd. He didn't think of himself much as a leader, but he gladly took the position. He had smartly sent a number of flyers to scout ahead, not just to find the herd they were searching for, but also to look for incoming danger. He also had the flyers search in rotation as to not get too tired and be ready to attack if sharpteeth came after them.
Unknown to the herd, a sharptooth herd of nearly fifty fastbiters were watching them. They had been watching the herd that had entered their territory for a few days now. They were waiting for the perfect moment. They knew that if they attacked at just the right moment and used the correct tactic, they could take out every single one of the herd and enjoy a nice feast.
It may’ve been seen as a deadly move, but the fastbiters were known among sharpteeth to be the most daring, possibly suicidal and most successful of all fastbiter herds. None knew how they were so good at hunting for such a large family, and yet, they rarely ever starved. Once a leafeater was caught in their trap, not even a miracle would save them. At least, that is what was believed.
Truthfully, there was one herd that had been known to escape and defeat them constantly for one reason or another. They guessed that the herd at hand was well-trained. Still, that would not account for the fact that they could not get near any of the children with that migrating herd that came along every so often. Still, they knew that the leader of that herd was coming to their end. To at least get that one would be a triumph to them.
The leader of the fastbiter herd looked on. He may’ve lost his one good eye in a fight for the right of his position, and as a result had a scar there, but he was quite the formidable hunter. He alone formed all of the carefully planned hunting tactics. Hardly any failed. His herd was strong and he knew that today the herd would feast upon those roaming through their area.
He had carefully studied the herd and noted just how cautious they were. He knew of the number of flyers scouting ahead. He knew of the strength that the mixed herd of dinosaurs would present and how much of a challenge it would be. However, he noted one key thing about the leader of the mix herd.
He saw that the longneck was smart and well skilled, despite his age. However, he noticed that one of the back feet had been badly burned quite some time ago. Indeed, it looked like it fully healed, but even he knew that an injury such as that can have permanent side effects. He could tell that, even after all that time, the old longneck was still limping. It was the perfect area to hit that one first.
He had studied the members of the herd and knew all their weaknesses. How they all moved. He wasn’t fully sure how the herd would react and whom would be protected by another, but he figured a good number would be protected by the leader. That is how most large herds fought, and even those mighty tactics failed before this mighty fastbiter herd.
There was only one key component that could possibly make them lose. However, it was the most vital for them as well. That was timing. The herd could plan their movements to the smallest part of a second. These key plans are what made them so formidable. They had it all down to an exact science. It was nearly impossible for them to fail with this herd.
He then noticed that the key point to attack was nearly at hand. It was only a small window of opportunity, but it was all they needed.
The flyers came down and got ready to report that there was nothing, but before they could send out the next batch, which was currently getting ready to take off to let the others rest, the fastbiter herd made their move. They came straight towards Pat. The old longneck saw them and was ready to strike back.
He swung his tail at what he believed to be the right moment, but the fastbiters stopped short. They only felt the wind of the strong attack. They knew he was powerful from the attack, but with their plan, it hardly mattered. The fastbiters moved right after the tail missed and went for the legs, striking him deeply with their claws, the deepest of all being at Pat’s back bad leg.
Pat wailed in great pain as he felt the claws dig into his legs, making his large weight topple over. Pat turned towards the fastbiters and noted how one of them had blood dripping off its claw, which said fastbiter tauntingly licked up, savoring the flavor.
Pat gritted his teeth, figuring the fastbiters got lucky. It was sad he didn’t know the truth. He’d be lucky to notice before his own doom.
While this was happening, a number of fastbiters went for a threehorn within the group. He tried ramming them, but the fastbiters were quick and dodged the on-coming attack. They then made an impossibly fast move and slashed at him at the side of the midsection. The threehorn gritted his teeth and inhaled sharply. He turned towards the area where the injury was and noted that it was barely bleeding and would heal in time, but it would leave quite the mark for a few days.
The flyers swooped down to try and back up the predators into other healthy attackers. However, the fastbiters were able to pinpoint the exact moment and struck the wings. They quickly ended up injured enough that they would be lucky to fly away before the fastbiters made the finishing blow.
The fastbiter leader had yet to involve himself in the fight. They were only injuring each member of the herd enough so they wouldn’t escape. After they were all down, only then would he step-in to deliver the final blow to every member of the herd, and then they would have a nice feast that would last them for days.
The leader quickly noted a few spiketails falling. Those were hardly a match for them. Every spiketail they met ended as their meal. They never failed against those.
The threehorn from earlier didn’t last much longer and soon fell. They were usually more formidable, but they too didn’t last that long. It seemed they would soon add yet another threehorn skull to their collection.
Swimmers didn’t fare much better. At best, they were able to deliver a few punches, but the fastbiter leader knew those were only decoys and grinned when he saw the real ones strike quickly and take them down in only a few slashes to the body. Ducky’s father, who had joined the herd to help find the longneck herd, collapsed soon and closed his eyes, fearing to never see his children or his mate ever again.
The clubtails didn’t last much longer than the spiketails. The boppers on their tails, which they were so proud of, weren’t of much help. These weren’t just defeated, but greatly humiliated.
Soon, all of the members of the leafeater herd were down. A number of the fastbiters let out a roar, signaling the time for the final blow. The leader of the herd came forward and approached the old longneck.
Pat looked upon the fastbiter that was approaching and noted the battle scars upon him. He even noticed the missing eye, probably figuring that this one was the leader of the herd. He couldn’t figure out how they pulled it off. Their herd should’ve been good enough to hold off a group of this size. A part of him wondered if they were one of herds they were warned about.
The fastbiter leader came up to the slender neck and drew his claw back, ready to stab it deep in there and rupture the windpipe within. Suddenly, a large tail struck the leader, knocking him away. The fastbiters looked on as they saw the longneck that had come to the rescue.
Pat looked up and noted the adult longneck that had saved his life. It wasn’t long before nearly one hundred other adult longnecks joined her. The all stood at the ready, prepared to take on the formidable predators that were in front of them.
The leader that was struck got up and noted the new herd that had appeared. He then saw one longneck he knew all too well. It was the leader of the herd that had always eluded them. He was determined that they would not escape him this time. He got up and let out a roar, which ordered the others to attack the new herd, which they obeyed.
The fastbiters made the first move, aiming for the legs of the leader like before. The leader of the longneck herd, Old One, ran towards them. This seemed like the most desperate move, but desperate times called for desperate measures. At the last second, she slid across the ground and twisted her body in a 360, thus extending her tail and striking the pursuing predators halfway through the spin. Upon completion, she was facing the rest of the predators and snarling threateningly at them.
Not being the least bit intimidated, the fastbiter leader let out a hiss, which was the order to continue the attack. Listening, the predators continued their attack and immediately ran past the leader, deciding to attack the rest of the herd.
Having learned the advanced survival tactics from Old One, the new herd was more than a match for the sharpteeth. The new herd easily brought back the fastbiters. Despite being outnumbered and outmatched, the fastbiters continued.
Suddenly, without warning a screech was heard. Turning towards it, the fastbiters noticed that Old One had the tail of the fastbiter leader with one of her large front feet and was threatening to crush him with the other. She then turned towards the rest of the fastbiters.
“Leave us, and that herd alone,” She began, gesturing towards the mix herd the predators attacked earlier, “and we will spare your leader.”
The rest of the herd stopped, not wanting to risk the life of their leader. The leader let out a bunch of caws, telling them to not surrender and that the old longneck was bluffing, which was true, but the predators really didn’t know that. Not wanting to risk it, the group retreated, leaving their leader behind.
Seeing this, Old One smiled and let go of the fastbiter. “You are free to go.” She said, sternly.
With that, the fastbiter took off, planning to give his herd a good beating tonight. Not long after that, and seeing the fastbiter leader disappear in the distance, Old One let out a sigh of relief. In truth, she could never bring herself to purposely murder another creature. She rarely actually killed another, and those times she did were only accidental. She felt that life was precious and thus could never kill another. At most, she only drove away a predator and had them live so they could hunt someone else another day.
She then turned towards the old male longneck. “Is everyone alright?” She asked.
Turning, Pat looked at everyone. They were all injured in one way or another, but otherwise fine. “Looks like everyone will survive, Miss.” He said. He then let out a smile. “You arrived just in time.”
She smiled back. “We were glad to be of assistance,” her smile then disappeared. “But we must be on our way. We are looking for members of our herd that were separated from us.” She said. She then decided it was best to ask the mix herd. “Have any of you seen any longneck children in your travels?” She questioned.
Peaked with interest, Pat struggled to get up, succeeding in doing so. “Yes, we did. Do the two children of such happen to be named ëAli’ and ëRet’?” He asked.
At this point, a younger adult female approached him. “Ali? You found Ali? Where is she?” She asked in great worry.
Pat smiled. “Don’t worry, young miss. Your daughter is safe in The Great Valley.”
Ali’s Mother let out a sigh of relief. She knew her daughter would be safe there and had friends who would take care of her while she waited. “Thank goodness!” She said. “But how did you know she was my daughter?”
Pat’s smile only widened. “Only a mother would worry as much as you did about their child.”
Ali’s mother only smiled back. She did care about her daughter. There’d be no other explanation for her reaction.
Old One turned to her herd. “Everyone, we are going to The Great Valley.” She then turned towards the mixed herd. “And we are going to help them get there.” She concluded.
It took some work, but they soon were able to help them up and assist them back on the long journey home. Soon, they would retrieve their lost ones.
---End Chapter 13---
<><><><><><><><><>
Sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoyed it! :)
See ya later! :^.^:
-
I don't want to beg, but could you guys PLEASE give me a review on my latest chapter? Please?
I would really like to know where I stand with this sharptooth battle.
Just please review it.
See ya later!
-
I'm not a pro reviewer of stories, but this chapter was really good and so were all the others. Keep up the good work!
-
Hello pokeplayer. I'm going to "review" the first part of your story, which was posted in 2007. I basically quote the story paragraph by paragraph, or hand select things to talk about. I enjoy writing long winded things of this nature for other people, so I hope I don't offend you. I don't normally focus on things like grammar, (only if it's get in the way, because hey, I'm no major in language myself) but on the story telling itself, and how you try to tell it. I will start from beginning to the end of the part. I wouldn't normally write for something this old because you have probably developed, but I enjoy having the choice anyway. All of this will be written "on the fly" but i still take critiques seriously. The only thing I doubt is not being able to write a paragrph for every single thing. :p
Love Knows no Bounds: The Three-way Relationship
Prologue
I like this, but what exactly is it for? The story is called "The adventures of Littlefoot and Ali" so it couldn't be the title. From what I read there is no "three way relationship" in this part. In fact, the name doesn't even imply that another person is involved. Is it just a subtitle?
The desert wind blew sand around the traveling migrating herd of nearly a hundred longnecks total.
This is a good start. You give the location (keyword "Desert"), the characters, their goal and beginning struggle. Personally I would have stated that the sand was blowing into the herd instead of around them. Also, a hundred longnecks? I guess this is just being me, but that is a BIG herd. I only remember there being about 30 or so in that group in LBT4. Oh well.
The leader of the herd, who was very old with age, braved through the sandstorm as she guided the herd to the next destination.
Cool, but what's their "next destination"? I would expect that you would have given a description of this next, but you don't. This kind of makes the struggle meaningless for the reader, because we don't know what's so great for them to risk themselves for.
Within the herd of longnecks, one of the young ones was walking right behind her mother to keep as much sand as possible out of her eyes.
This HAS to be Ali. On that note, I like that you don't directly give off what the character's names are until they use them.
She grunted against the wind and spat out in disgust at any sand that got in her mouth.
A good thing for her to do is to keep it shut. This begs the question if she's dehydrated. On a writing side, I would have removed the word "Any" from this sentence.
She really didn’t like the idea of traveling through a sandstorm. It was nothing new to her, but the storm was getting rather relentless.
The fact that the storm "wasn't new" to her indicates that she has been through some before. So, if that's true, how could this storm be any different? She's not in as much danger as her mother, who is shielding her from the sand.
It was near a point where it would be foolish to continue, and the young female seemed to sense this somehow.
How would she know? Again, she is not getting hit directly by the sand. She must be reading physical cues from her mother.
“Mother, could you tell the Old One to stop? I think the ësand wind’ is getting too rough!” She yelled in a pleading tone.
“I’ll try, Ali!” Her mother promised to her.
In this brutal of a sandstorm, where the sand is hectically slamming against everyone involved and probably very noisy, how could verbal communication be possible? Opening your mouth makes it vulnerable for sand to enter. You continue this, so I'll ignore it.
The adult female walked as fast as she could to catch up with the leader. It didn’t take her long to reach the Old One.
I don't think they would be able to see very well in this storm either. But she did to find the leader. When you have conflict that is obviously effecting the main characters, it's best to pay attention to it.
“Old One!” She yelled, getting the leader’s attention. “Little Ali thinks the wind is getting too rough to continue! Perhaps we should stop!” She suggested.
Is Ali the only one out of the hundred longnecks that think so?
The leader known to the herd as Old One started to consider her thought. She wanted her herd to make it to the next destination quickly, for they were within the area where getting attacked by sharpteeth was highly possible. Even though the sandstorm was good cover for them, it indeed seemed foolish to continue.
All of this goes back to their motivation in mind. Here, we have a character who's actions could literally get all of the character's killed, conflicted over the method of simply getting to point A to point B. It makes me question if the storm started while they were traveling or not, or if it had been that way whenever they began or continued their treck. I think you get my idea.
She nodded at the suggestion. “Listen up, everyone! We’re going to stop until the storm settles! Rest until then!” She commanded.
How could they rest through this? It's a massive sandstorm.
The rest of the herd gave a silent sigh of relief and settled down to rest.
“Thank you, Old One!” Ali’s mother sighed, feeling grateful.
No comment.
“We can’t risk losing the children. They’re the future of this herd.” She said as she went away to rest herself.
That was a bit over dramatic to say. Maybe she could have said something like "Let's focus on keeping the children safe, everyone." I don't know. Also, the way this sentence is, it reads like she's saying this and going away from the group. Sounds like she's depressed or something.
Ali sighed in grateful relief. While within dangerous areas, the herd would circle around the children when they rested. This was mainly for the purpose of being protected from predators.
The number of longnecks are far too great to huddle around a few children. I don't like it.
However, it also provided protection from wind and heat.
Wind sure, but heat? Wouldn't staying close to each other keep them warm? Again, the number of longnecks in this bugs me.
Ali looked around at the other longneck children within the protective circle. Some were younger than she was and some were older, but all were strong enough to keep up with the herd.
I was going to comment about children being no where near as strong as adults, but I guess that's so in the lbt world. Not sure. Also, no comments are given on the other children.
“Hey, Ali!” A young male voice called to her.
Ali looked in the direction of the voice and smiled when she saw her friend. “Hi, Ret!” She greeted back. “I’m glad we got to rest. I really hated getting all that sand in my mouth. Ugh!” She complained in disgust.
Why is she speaking about all of this in past tense? Oh well. Also, Ret!
The leaf green-eyed male laughed at the turquoise-green eyed female. “Yeah, so did I!”
This would work if you described the color of their bodies. I wouldn't laugh about the comment either... But hey, they're children. Also, past tense.
They were about to continue in their conversation when they suddenly started to feel the ground rumble beneath them. The shaking within the earth and the fear in the two longnecks started to intensify. The ground started to shake beneath them.
The entire herd was stunned by fear as the earth shook vigorously beneath them.
You basically said the same thing three (four?) times. At the rate you described the earthquake, it would have moved like a kid shaking around a coffee table with stuff on it. Here's how I would have worded it:
"Before they could continue, the earth beneath the group began to crumple and shake, to their surprise"
Something like that. Crude example.
Cracks started to appear on the ground, ripping it apart with unknown strength. The cracks came towards the herd of longnecks.
That's good. Could have told where the cracks were to begin with though.
“Everyone, run!” Old One commanded.
Run where!? The whole place shaking, it would be very hard to move so fast
The order knocked the herd back to their senses and they started to run, kicking up sand in their wake. Ali and Ret were in the path of the dust and it got into their eyes and mouth, causing them to cough while rubbing their eyes. Being temporarily blind, the two longnecks could not see the crack that was headed towards them.
“Ali, Ret, run!” Ali’s mother called out.
However, it was too late. The ground split beneath the two. Ali’s mother could only watch helplessly as her only daughter fell into the depths of the earth.
I would have thought that her primary instinct would be to stick with her child, but I don't know. Who's to blame here?
Oh well, good cliffhanger. This was just a set up for the story, and I guess I would say it was "good." I already read something starting like this 3 times before however so I wasn't too thrilled with it. That's just me.
If you want me to continue reviewing, just ask. Hope you liked it.
-
^^Wow! Quite a bit of creative criticism you gave there. Let's see if I can cover it all with a just a few things I have to point out.
I seem to have quite a few habits in writing that I need to work on. To be honest, I like to write past tense more than present tense. So, expect that quite a bit at places where it probably doesn't belong.
Also, I do have a tendency to repeat myself without realizing it. I'm trying my best to work on this.
Finally, there's my own way of writing style that I tend to have. To me, a writer should have their own style and not try to write the same way as someone else. As long as it's got good spelling and grammar, and the reader can at least understand what is going on, I feel the writer has accomplished their goal.
Also, please continue reading. I'd like to know what you think of the other chapters.
-
Alright, I'll take all of that into consideration, and good for you about thinking to keep unique! That's what matters most in expression
I will continue the reading and reviewing, I just don't want to, you know, take over the entire topic doing it. Could you give me the link for the FF pages these are on? (if they are?) if they can't fit on ff, I'll stick with here, if it's ok with you. or maybe I'll pm them, idk. I like reading what i write. How many chapters does this have?
edit: or maybe I'll post them in your question thread
-
Littlefoot and Ali i love the couple
-
I will continue the reading and reviewing, I just don't want to, you know, take over the entire topic doing it. Could you give me the link for the FF pages these are on? (if they are?) if they can't fit on ff, I'll stick with here, if it's ok with you. or maybe I'll pm them, idk. I like reading what i write. How many chapters does this have?
Thank you for reminding me that I need to update on FF.net. It keeps slipping my mind.
Understand that it is not updated completely, but I'll try to have that done as soon as possible. Still, here's the link.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3696462/12/The...tlefoot_and_Ali (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3696462/12/The_Adventures_of_Littlefoot_and_Ali)
Oh, and it has a total of 13 chapters so far. :)
See ya later!
-
well, alright. I'll probably review again today.
-
Nice work so far poke!
-
Update for eveyone!
Okay, I am sad to say that the story needs to be put on hiatus for the time being. The reason why is that I have been struggling with how to approach the next chapter. The problem is that I'm trying to put Red Claw into the story and make him an effective villain, which isn't an easy task, considering everything.
As such, I have a small case of writer's block, and I'm not sure when I'll get past it. Once I do though, I will inform you guys.
So, until then, this story is on hiatus.
Sorry guys! :(
(Note: If anyone wants to know where the story is going to go, please send a PM. Understand though, you will be spoiled.)
-
i understand poke.. when you get around to it, let us know
-
I gotta admit it... This is the best ever LBT fanfiction that I have ever read. I really love the part where Ali and Littlefoot confessed...
I can feel them... :lol :DD :lol :DD
EDIT: I love the pair Ali and Littlefoot... :exactly
-
This fanfiction has been nominated by its author to be rated for the fanfiction awards 2011. To all the readers and fans of this fanfiction, please rate and review (http://www.gangoffive.net/index.php?topic=9467) it! :)