I think I will review this Fan Fiction for you, since I can see you have put a lot of time into it and will appreciate both the praise and criticism which I have to give.

Part III:

It took Sky a surprisingly long time to find where Cloud’s class was meeting.  The blue wingtail looked everywhere around the Cordial Springs but Mr. Pridewing’s class couldn’t be found anywhere.  It didn’t help that the other wingtails were unhelpful, either shunning away from him or ignoring him altogether when he asked for directions.  Clearly his non-existent role in the sharptooth attack on the Feral Forest had been embellished to the point of complete fallacy by the endless rumour mongering that followed his departure.

Finally after an hour of searching a lesser flyer (at least by the standards of other wingtails) told him that the entire flight had taken off towards the crater of the Black Mountain to study the volcanic glass.  Sky swiftly thanked her, and then proceeded in the direction she had pointed.

After skirting the tops of the trees and carefully avoiding toxic ash pools he came across them roosting in the trees and on the ground in a small lush clearing at the foot of the former mountain. There were thirty or more winglings that were born in the same season Cloud was, and all of them were here listening eagerly as Pridewing carried on with his presentation.  Even a few wingtail parents were present as well in the upper roosts. Reliving the same education they had received when they were winglings except this time with their children.  Finding an empty branch, Sky fluttered in and landed with a dull thump.

Strange that such a good viewing point was untaken.

“You’re not welcome here traitor,” blurted an older male wingtail, who was in a branch a tree over.

His mate, who was roosting next to him, whispered something to him frantically about starting a fight around all the children, and he harped back at her beyond Sky’s earshot.  The blue wingtail hadn’t been expecting this kind of resentment to be greeting him as he returned home, and it shocked him.

“I wouldn’t take that perch if I were you,” inserted another wingtail on the other side of his own tree, her voice chiding, “…he won’t like it.”

Sky shifted and was about to ask who she was taking about when there was another thump next to him, and the branch started to sag under the extra weight.  Turning his head slowly, the blue wingtail came face to face with the new arrival.  Oh… it was him.

Glide snorted in annoyance, and glared at Sky as though he were jungle runner robbing a nest.

“Here we go again,” muttered Sky under his breath.

“He’s a good kid isn’t he?” commented the blue wingtail casually, trying to start on a positive note, “strong, intelligent and brave.  I am thankful you have been watching over him for me in my absence.”

“Your shadow follows him everywhere,” answered Glide with resentment, “it’s a stain on all of us… we were happier when you were far away.”

Sky decided to level with his brother in law.

“You don’t like me Glide… it’s been that way since we were hatchlings and I accept that, but right now we have to do what we can for Cloud,” stated Sky with confidence, “…Star and I worry about him and I wish there was a way for us to work together to help him make friends.”

The blue wingtail finished the sentence looking at Cloud, who was sitting all on his own in the middle of the field, with all the other winglings at least a metre away.  He had his hand up eagerly, like he wanted to ask a question.

Glide growled with apprehension.

“You can start by getting off my roost before I remove you myself.”

All of the parents, and even some of the children near the back could hear what was going on and they all turned to watch the feud evolving between the two wingtails. More then a few of them were hoping to see him beat the feathers off Sky, if for a bit of action instead of one of Pridewing’s boring lectures. The blue wingtail decided to stand up to him this time.

“Well then you are going to have to ëremove’ me then,” replied Sky with a smile, “because I’m here to watch my son whether you like it or not.”

Glide’s eyes narrowed and he growled low, clinching his fists.  He had promised his sister he would not fight with Sky, and he had to honour his word… but that didn’t mean he had to be nice to his so called brother in law.

A group of three wingtails, all males, took off from the other side of the clearing and landed in a group above, and beside Sky.  They all looked pretty tough, and the blue wingtail could tell they definitely meant trouble.  The one behind him, a grey and rustled looking flyer, scowled at him.

“You heard what Glide said… take off and don’t let us see you near our kids again.”

Sky was about to reply when one of the wingtails behind him kicked him viciously in the back, sending him tumbling off the branch and onto the ground below.  Falling quickly, he managed to bring out his arms quickly enough to parachute his descent.  Sky landed face first in the grass with an aggressive swoosh of wind and hard rustling noise.

Above, the grey male looked down in satisfaction… he was totally unprepared for what happened next.  Glide reached up and grabbed the foot of Sky’s attacker and yanked him downward, triggering a squawk of surprise and pain.  The black wingtail viciously elbowed him in the face and sent him plummeting down the opposite side that Sky had fallen.

“What the… what are you?” was all the grey wingtail managed to utter before Glide leaped forward, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and rammed him into the tree trunk.  He squirmed and tried to wrest himself free, but the black wingtail had him totally pinned.

“If you ever lay a wing on one my family again,” uttered Glide with pure venom, “I’ll rip it off and shove the feathers down your throat.”

Looking up, Sky was sure the unfortunate wingtail had vented his waste prematurely on the branch below.

“Are we clear?” the black wingtail demanded.

The grey male nodded his head weakly.  Disgusted, Glide threw him off too right where the first one had gone.  The third wingtail had smartly already flown away.  Pretty much all the children present including Cloud had switched their attention from the class to watch the fight, and a few of them uttered cries of laughter and amusement. A few weren’t so happy, having just seen their fathers beaten up.

Sky noted with pride what had happened above.  His brother had defended him even though there was so much animosity between them.  Glide may not be nice by words, but actions speak much firmer then words and understanding of the black wingtail dawned on his expression.  It was right then he noticed that his left wing was a little bit lighter then it should be.  Absently, Sky patted it down.

The Occular!  Where was it!?!

Suddenly the dark yellow wingtail Pridewing, who had been carrying on with his lecture all through the previous violence, stopped with a start.  Flipping over on the ground, Sky turned towards him.  The Occular had rolled free of his grip and had come to rest on the grassing ground with a slight ring.  The wingtail teacher, who immediately recognised it for what it was, gasped.

“The Occular… precious relic of a past age,” Pridewing uttered with reverence, before turning on Sky accusingly, “…you vile thief.”

In a flash the blue wingtail leaped forward and pounced on the unique and one of a kind eye glass, narrowly beating the diving teacher who had done the same with slightly less swiftness.  The two wingtails grappled for a while, but Sky had the clear edge and soon it was in his hands. Wildly they separated and both got to their feet.

“That belongs to the tree of our forefathers,” uttered Pridewing with noble purpose as opposed to malice, “it is your duty and obligation to return it immediately!”

Sky smiled slyly, noting how all the children were crowding over each other to watch what was going on.  He had an idea.

“I would take it back,” answered Sky with confidence, “but I’m afraid I don’t have it.”

The blue wingtail opened his hands and displayed that they were completely empty.

“What?” said Pridewing with confusion, “but… how?”

“What’s this?” asked Sky with a smile, reaching behind the poor teacher’s ear and pulling out the Occular, “…shame on you.”

Many of the winglings and even some of the adults laughed.  In frustration Pridewing lashed out and grabbed for Sky’s hand, but the blue wingtail was too fast and he spun around quickly to dodge the swipe.  When he had come around, his mouth was bulging like he was holding something in it.

Growling, Pridewing grabbed for Sky’s mouth.  The blue wingtail spat, and a small pebble knocked off the end of the teacher’s nose.  Again laughter broke out amongst the audience.  This was turning into a sort of silly game.

“Alright Sky… I see I can’t win,” muttered the dark yellow wingtail, “you’ve had your fun.”

Smiling, the blue wingtail plucked the Occular out from his tail feathers, rolled it from the end of one arm to the other across his back, and twirled it on the end of his finger.  All around there were noises of wonder and surprise.

“Perhaps you would allow me to take over for a while,” suggested Sky intelligently, “…if you have the time.”

There were cheers from the gathered children, and the loudest was from Cloud who was trying to push his way to the front row.  Pridewing looked up at the parents, and he could see there were scattered nods of approval.  It appeared that most thought Sky was genuine, so he couldn’t see any harm in allowing it.

“Alright,” answered the teacher, “but I expect behaviour exemplary of a teacher… given your previous experience.”

Sky felt a sense of dignity returning to him.  It was nice that the resentment might not be as widespread as the blue wingtail thought it was.  He turned towards the gathered young wingtails and took a deep breath. Grinning smartly, the blue wingtail placed the volcanic eyeglass over his left eye, enlarging it to massive proportions.

“I think I’ll begin with… a story.”

As those gathered would soon find out… Mr. Sky told really good stories.

Up above, Glide gave a slight nod of approval.


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Later that night Sky returned to the family tree to rest.  It had been a very long day.  So much had been made better by his brief teaching session that he couldn’t believe the difference it had made.  The children loved him, and the less bigoted parents approved and even enjoyed his class.  The story of his Far Away Home was the best one he had, and the blue wingtail enjoyed it a lot.

Brushing through the leaves, Sky found roost in his usual place.  Almost immediately he called out for his mate.

“Star… are you here?”

She was, and she jumped down a few branches to greet him.  They both pressed in close and licked one another in affection.

“I heard you had quite a day,” started Star with caring.

“Yeah,” answered Sky enthusiastically, “I think things are going to be alright now for Cloud… I’ve made sure of it.”

She kissed him again.

After the two wingtails parted, Sky had time to look around.  He discovered that they were all alone.

“Where is Cloud?”

“He’s out with Glide and my Uncle Sturgeon… I sent them to go for a late night flight,” replied the scarlet wingtail with a hint of cleverness.

“…why?” asked Sky softly in surprise.

She smiled at him.

“There’s something I want to talk about… just you and I.”

Star clasped his hands.  She clearly had something to say.

“What is it?” asked Sky.

Star blinked slowly, and then brought her nose close to his ear.

“I want a daughter.”

Sky was shocked, but he wasn’t completely surprised.  He knew her so well; he could tell what was coming.  He decided to play the angle of reason.

“A daughter… but… that’s going to be a lot of responsibility.  Are you sure it’s what you want?”

Star looked right at him, deep into his eyes.  He could tell at her very core that it was exactly what she wanted.  The blue wingtail knew the right thing to do.

“If a daughter is what you want…” he said, touching his nose to hers, “then so it shall be.”

Star cooed in approval, and they embraced once more.  By the end of the night, they had mated a second time.

What a wonderful day it had been.


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Okay that is a the end of the short story.  I plan to put this up for the Fanfiction Award, so be sure to read and review!

Caustizer

A daughter... wait, what!? A daughter? Are you reading my mind or something?  :blink:  

[size0](I should really work on DoaW as fast as possible )
Well, I thought to call her Dawn. Her color is somewhere purple/blue and her tail vane would be... ah, it's quite difficult to describe so here is a pic:

The smaller part is semi transparent.

So, are you actually planning a second child for Sky and Star? I guess getting lessons from Glide makes Cloud a strong big brother.    

We will see.  I like Dawn as her name, and think I may keep it if I decide to go that route in both the cannon and non-cannon stories.

If Sky and Star have a daughter, what would her name be?  What would her tail vane and coat colour be?

I was thinking of calling her Crystal, and having a diamond tail similar to her father, but I'm interested to hear what you think.

Part II:

Sky and his young son Cloud spent two hours fishing, and even made a race out of it to see who could be the first one to catch a brown one… a rare and delicious species of water swimmer in the Abyss Lake that usually took a lot of tries to catch. The blue wingtail ended up catching one first, but doing the fatherly thing he threw it back so Cloud wouldn’t see. Eventually after an hour his son finally got one, and had to whack it on the rocks a few times to kill it.

“Easy, easy!” chided Sky as he grabbed Cloud to prevent him from splitting the poor water swimmer through repeated smacks with his beak, “it’s dead already… there’s no need to hurt yourself.”

“Just making sure he doesn’t get away,” answered the dark blue wingtail with a bit of frustration, “… like the last two did.”

Suddenly Cloud’s face lit up with excitement.

“Hey! I beat you didn’t I?” he teased with a laugh, “that means you’re a rotten runner egg!”

“Yeah I guess I am,” admitted Sky, rolling his eyes so his son wouldn’t see, “now let’s hurry up and eat. Your mother wouldn’t like it if I took you to class late.”

…

Later in the day Sky and his son Cloud flew together through the trees of the Feral Forest, dodging numerous other wingtails who were just waking up for morning water swimmer catching. Day after day the old wingtail credo, ëthe early flyer gets the fish’ was proven true and today was no different with father and son beating the rush by about half an hour. With the daily routine being as strong as it was here, Sky was somewhat surprised that the water swimmers hadn’t caught on and hid during the morning hours… but then again they were stupid though. Thankfully it remained the case, since otherwise they would never eat!

Cloud banked sharply to the left, and Sky followed him passively.

“Where are you going?” asked the blue wingtail casually, “I thought your class got together by the Cordial Springs.”

“Yeah we do,” answered Cloud, “but mom and the other teachers go to the gathering tree first to talk about what we get to do today. I wanna see her before it starts.”

“Your mother is not your teacher?” asked Sky with a hint of surprise.

“No,” answered the dark blue wingtail with disappointment, “it’s not my season… we all got Mr. Pridewing instead.”

Sky nodded his head in understanding. Wingtail schooling worked by yearlings, where all the wingtails born in between each rainy time were given a teacher for the rest of their lives until they were too old to be taught. This meant that when a particular teacher’s class had gone for three seasons, his/her students were finished and the next and newest set of young wingtails became their new charges. In this particular case Star and Cloud had both come back at the same time, where the scarlet wingtail returned to her current class and the dark blue wingtail joined the new class under Pridewing. The only exception to these rules was Aizon, who had recently returned to wingtail society and offered to ëcontinue’ to teach older students if they were of high potential. Given the navy blue wingtail’s near exalted status since the sharptooth attack, demand was predictably overwhelming. Cloud talked about him a lot, and how when he grew up he wanted to ëbe a Creator just like him!’… a desire that made his father proud.

“There she is!” blurted Cloud with excitement.

The dark blue wingtail dove rapidly into the tops of the tree where all the teachers were together in a circle. Sky followed him in and landed softly within the branches.

“Mommy, mommy!”

Star turned from where she was talking with the other three, and Sky saw her face brighten up at the sight of her first and only son. She opened up her arms, and Cloud sprung forward into them. He was so fast she almost lost her balance and fell off the branch. Whipping her tail around another appendage, the possibly of falling was suddenly no longer a concern.

“Wow your getting very strong aren’t you?” Star commented with a smile as she rubbed her nose against his head, nuzzling his frill out of place.

“We went water swimmer catching this morning my dear,” put out Sky timidly. Having so recently returned to the Feral Forest, seeing her beautiful face so often was getting the better of him. He loved her so much, he found it difficult to express.

“Did you now?” replied Star, in what was more a statement then a question. Cloud pulled his head out of her chest feathers and looked up.

“Guess what mom. I caught a brown one first, so daddy’s a rotten runner egg!”

Sky sniffed in embarrassment, and covered his head a bit. Star chuckled, and slipped out of Cloud’s grasp towards her mate.

“I think I knew that already,” she replied in a friendly manner, hopping a branch so she was right next to Sky, “… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Leaning forward, she licked him on the cheek. Passionately, Sky licked her back. It almost seemed like every time she kissed him it took him off his feet and straight into the air. Even after all this time together, Star still was his world. It didn’t even bother him that Cloud was making an expression of disgust.

“Hmm, is that a hair sticking up I see?” commented Star as she turned and noticed Cloud sticking out his tongue.

“Eeek!” squawked the dark blue wingtail, and he shot away before his mom could catch him… not that she really tried.

The scarlet wingtail was still smiling when she turned back towards her mate, who was bearing a thoughtful expression.

“Do you think I could go with him to class,” Sky asked sincerely, “just to make sure everything is alright?”

“Cloud’s very strong Sky,” answered Star with confidence as she watched her son fly away towards the Springs for his lesson, “he can take care of himself. My brother has made sure to teach him that.”

The blue wingtail shifted uncomfortably on his perch.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you dear about Glide’s lessons. Do you… really think he needs to be taught that way?”

Star closed her eyes and sighed.

“There’s something you should know, Sky… when he started classes the other winglings teased and bullied him. It was so bad I… we had to do something.”

“But why?” uttered the blue wingtail in shock, “…why are they picking on Cloud?”

“Well…” his mate said as she turned to look him in the eyes, and her expression was dire, “…because of you. After what happened with the sharpteeth and the trials and all of that a lot of them were raised by their parents to believe that you are a… bad wingtail.”

Sky’s throat sunk into his stomach. He hadn’t even thought that his previous life would have such a huge effect on his offspring. Suddenly he felt like he was a failure of a father and a failure of a wingtail. How could he have done this to his son that he loved so much? Star grabbed both his wrists, and pulled him lightly towards her body.

“I love you so much Sky,” she continued sincerely, “but I had to make it stop, and Glide knew exactly how. He has been teaching Cloud how to fight and protect himself, and these past few seasons it has been working, though I still worry that he doesn’t have any friends…”

“You don’t need to my love,” interrupted Sky, “I’ll take care of everything… I’ll become a teacher here and set things right.”

Star smiled, and she kissed him again.

“I know you will Sky. Please don’t do anything that will get you hurt… there are a lot of wingtails that think the elders went too soft on you.”

Sky grinned and spread his wings with confidence.

“Trust me.”

And on that note the blue wingtail took off to follow his son, and to try and make right the past wrongs he had committed.

Coming in with an update from the Midwestern United States.

I'm currently chasing tornadoes in tornado alley and having a total blast... it seems like things are getting better and better each day with strong storms popping up everywhere.  The oppertunity came up for me to extend my stay, so I have taken it which means I will be away from the GOF for another week. Unfortunately this means little to no progress has been made on Far Away Home since I left.

Bear with me and be patient, because I do plan to finish the story with summer .

Caustizer

This chapter kept my interest pretty good... you are improving with each one and I can see the characters becoming more and more real and less robotic (pun not intended).  I agree on all of Pangaea's points that the gang did not feel present enough during some very important conversations, and yet in Littlefoot's case would discuss weapons and concepts that would be beyond their understanding as dinosaurs - the best instance being when Littlefoot and the Toa have a discussion about the 'new gun' that one of them created.

At the beginning of the chapter it would have definately added to it to include the members of the gang deciding which group to go with, since a character like Cera is going to have a different idea as to how to help the Toa then say Petrie.

A small thing I noticed that will improve your story flow is this set of sentences here:

Littlefoot turned back to Velika and Toa Jaller. Unlike the green Zamor spheres the Piraka had used, these spheres were blue. Littlefoot was curious what was inside those spheres.

As the Po-Matoran handed the last of the spheres to Toa Jaller...

In this case, the word 'spheres' appears four times in three sentences.  What I do is use synonyms such as 'orbs' or 'globes' and alternate between lines to improve the flow and make it sound better.

One thing that I have to mention is that I liked your little conflict between two of the Toa, which is one of the first times I have noticed in detail a case where two of the good guys directly don't get along.  This type of character development is something that should be done more often, and is highly welcome in my eyes.

Caustizer

What are you so sad about that you felt like you had to express it through Sky and Star crying?

Interesting ideas Sky.  Maybe you should be a writer too!

I had an idea a few days ago I was kicking around for the last episode, but I never got around to typing it up.

Essentially Part 1 proceeds as normal until the ponies are all dressed up and they reach the gates of Canterlot.  They line up behind some other ponies who are waiting to get in where a guard at the gate calls off names and checks them off as they get in (all of them minor characters from previous episodes).  

Once it's the Ponies' turn Luna interrupts the Guard when she shows up in her grown (and well dressed) form to 'greet the guests, in accordance with a request from her sister'.  All the ponies are shocked, and as they watch she takes their names and checks for them on the list without any recognition.

Luna: "Let's see... Twilight Sparkle and friends... hmm... it does not look like you are on the list I am afraid... what a pity."

A confrontation ensues, and the guards escort the ponies away.  Infuriated that Luna has come back to ruin their big day, each of the ponies in turn suggest and try different ways to get into the castle to speak to the princess but they all fail (Pinkie Pie tries a disguise but it falls off, Rainbow Dash tries to bolt in a window but they are magiked shut, and Twilight tries a spell to make the guards ignore them but it instead turns them into chickens).  The whole time Spike has an idea, but he gets ignored until everyone has tried and failed.

Finally at the end Spike says 'Why not just send her a letter?'.  They do it, and the Princess lets them in right away.  Going up to Celestria's Throne (with Luna right there beside her) they storm on about how Luna took them off the list so they would miss their big day.

It turns out that Celestria actually forgot to put them on because she had been so busy.  She apologizes to the ponies and suggests they do the same to Luna.  Twilight does, but Luna sticks up her nose and prances away.

Celestria: "Don't worry, I'm sure she'll come around eventually.  In the meantime you are all missing the gala..."

The episode ends as Part 1 of the 'Best Night Ever', with Part 2 being almost identical to the one they aired last week.

Just wondering: does “season” in this sense refer to the passage of a full year, or an individual stage of a year, as in winter, spring, etc.?

Dinosaurs in this story (not sure how they do it in the Land Before Time as a whole) mark the passage of time in two seasons as opposed to what humans do with four.

So in this case, it has been just over a year since they left the Great Valley.

Quote

“It’s okay Petrie,” admitted Ducky with understanding, “he does that to me all the time, he does.”

Did you deliberately have Ducky use a contraction here (to imply that her speech pattern is changing as she matures), or is this a mistake?

Perhaps

I'll make the required corrections as well.