There's something I've been wanting to reveal for some time, but I just haven't gotten around to it. Now that it's summer time again though, I feel I have no choice but to let y'all know exactly what my daily life is like.
First of all I have to tell you that I make the most out of my summers. I am obsessed with perfection and efficiency and making good use of my time. Unfortunately this takes a toll on my physical and mental health. I eat on the fly, rarely eating a home cooked meal. 99% of what I eat comes from the microwave for the sake of time. I can't waste time for things like eating. I've always got too much to do. It's going to kill me one day. I'm going to get heart problems from all the stress like a few of my friends did.
During the summer, I wake when I wake and I sleep when I sleep. I don't control my waking and sleeping times in any way. I sleep when I pass out in front of my computer screen and I wake with the disgusting feel of drool on my face as I lift my head from my computer desk several hours later. I spend every moment of every day learning and maintaining everything that I have. Learning is what takes up most of my time. This is because I am not book taught at all. NONE. I learn 100% from experience. I've read a couple of books, but they were mainly for reference and for learning computer terms so I don't sound like an idiot in front of other computer people.
I have a full schedule 100% of the time. I seriously can't remember the last time I was bored (school not included). During school time, it takes too much out of me and I can't do much of anything except fix/sell computers after school. That's why I have to use and abuse myself so much during the summer.
While this lifestyle seems to suit me well, I am severely lacking in things that I tell myself I don't care about such as a personal life and engaging in recreational activities. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still only human. Because of this, I have been prone to SEVERE bouts of depression that sometimes last several days. I have found a cure for these horrible bouts of depression. I just have to get out of the house every 2 weeks or so. Unfortunately seeing a few clients and making a few hundred dollars each day isn't enough for me to keep my sanity.
You'd be surprised how much you start to contemplate your existence when you're programming code that's easy for you. It starts to all blend together and after a while you can't shut your brain off anymore. You have to THINK about something....so your mind usually wanders to subjects that are completely separate from what you're doing. I spent well over five hours today thinking about the nature of life and existence while I was working. To give you an example of how busy I was today, here's what I did JUST TODAY:
*Formatted Master Computer
*Wrote linux driver for WIFI adapter
*Installed Ubuntu Ultimate Edition on second test computer
*Swapped 500gb hard drive with newer computer and formatted both computers with Windows Vista Ultimate x32
*Created a new forum
*Made and applied security patches to server
*Created new pages and status images for server status (i.e. server down, server too busy etc.)
*Researched free hosting for status pages (because if the server is down, I can't display the pages on the server
)
*Sold 2 computers
*Posted ad on craigslist
*Worked on image stretch techniques (still hoping to get it to work for GOF)
*Field tested new version of DIVX player
*Installed new sound card in master machine and did extensive audio tests
*Hung up new curtains in office
*Tried to edit XBOX firmware (just screwing around)
*Re-established all network pathways through hardware rerouting
*Fixed my alarm clock
*Cleaned out 1.2tb of information from external hard drives
*Drilled through the floor of my room and installed cabling (Comcast refused to do it due to liability reasons. I HATE working with real hardware.)
This is pretty much a typical day for me in terms of how much I do. And during all that I still managed to take a shower, use the bathroom, cook a few microwave burritos, and take the dog out 6 times (he ate something and isn't feeling too well). Now it's close to 1:00am here and I've got a splitting headache. I'm guessing I can last another 5 hours or so if this damned headache will go away. Then I'll sleep for another 4 hours or so and start it up all over again.
My activity here will be erratic (as in times), but I'll try to post at least once a day. But if for some reason I leave here for several days without any warning, I've cracked and need a few days to recover. I've cracked several times. I don't turn into a crazy person or anything...I just can't handle it anymore sometimes and need to shut down for a bit. During those times I didn't really do anything but lay in bed and look at the ceiling for 16 hours per day. I'm pretty sure I've got it all under control now that I'm leaving the house once every two weeks, but you never know.
And just in case you're wondering no this is not a condition. It would happen to anyone that lived my life. In fact I can handle it MUCH better than most people could in my situation. What I'm doing isn't healthy, but I only have to do it for another year. Then I'll be out of school and I can start up my official business in a commercial building and set my own hours. Life is going to be good.
