It took awhile, but I have finally caught up on all of the entries for this year. I have tried to avoid spoilers in my reviews for this year while still giving some explanation for my reasoning. Overall, I must say that this year's entries have made me feel optimistic for the state of fanfiction in the LBT fandom. Though each entry had its own strengths and weaknesses, I could not find a single entry that I was not motivated to finish reading. This is a testament to the drive of this year's participants, and I look forward to reading each of your future endeavors.
Name of Fanfiction: The Swimmer Trials
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: After reading this story I must say that my thoughts pretty much echo what others have said up until now. This is a story that is promising in its overall plot and that shows a steady improvement in pacing throughout, but is not without a few faults which prevent me from giving a higher rating.
First let’s get to the story’s strengths. The overall plot shines and greatly succeeds in making me feel for the characters. One can truly feel for Ducky’s plight as she is confronted with impending doom, with her mother as she confronts what she is willing to lose to save her daughter, and with the reactions of Ducky’s friends and allies. Likewise, the pacing of the narrative avoids the common pitfalls of speeding through plot points, and instead allows time for these relationships to be elaborated upon and for the emotional impact of events to fully be felt. Ultimately being able to feel for the characters and to have an engaging storyline is what makes or breaks a story, and The Lone Dragon certainly has succeeded in this most important aspect.
What prevents me from giving a higher rating, however, are three aspects that others have also pointed out: the repetition of plot points, the use of excessive potty humor, and Sculra’s motivations not being relatable in my opinion. Now sometimes the repetition of plot points can be useful in a narrative; for example, when the same event is seen from two fundamentally different perspectives in order to show those perspectives. But many times in this story the same events are related to the reader multiple times, which can make the pacing lag somewhat. Simply doing a jump cut when the same events are being relayed by a character would have addressed some of this. As for Sculra I feel that her ability to carry out her plans (her power base, if you will) was not related in a believable way to the reader. It seems to me that any other herd would simply disown her and say "to hell with this tradition." If there was some kind of quasi-religious meaning to the ritual that the rest of the herd believed in (as in it had to be done lest disaster fall upon the herd) then it might make sense, but it does not feel explained enough in the story, in my opinion.
Overall, however, when everything is taken into consideration I feel that this is a strong story. It has the emotional impact of a good story and it has a very good story line. It certainly is a story that has motivated me to continue following its narrative.
Name of Fanfiction: To Tread Upon Fields Afar
Rating: 10/10
Review: Before I begin my review I think it is important that I give some context. Fyn’s previous stories weresome of the things that motivated me to get back into the fandom years ago. With the intense focus on the inner perspectives of the characters, the interesting conflicts that come with differences of perspective, and the great writing that could only come from a skilled author, Fyn’s stories were always a treat to read. And I am pleased to see that he certainly has not lost his touch over the years. In fact, I must say that much improvement is quite evident in his latest story.
In a very different continuity of his Fyn narrative he has turned the focus from Fyn meeting and befriending the gang after the migration of his herd… to something much different and, dare I say, much darker. In this tale nothing is as it first seems and though I want to avoid giving any spoilers in this review, let’s just say that his meeting with some of the ëgang’ is not like what happened in the first continuity. (If you have read the story then you know this is the understatement of the century.)
An additional treat in this story is the additional focus on the sharptooth angle. This is something that I do not remember being part of the original Fyn continuity, but it is a welcome addition. As one begins to see the different perspectives of the sharptooth characters and the intense loneliness that can come from loss (in one case) or never having companionship (in the other case) one truly begins to feel for them. The obvious chasm between the leaf-eaters and the predators is also a nice touch. In one case (once again, avoiding spoliers) it took an entire lifetime of regret for one leaf-eater to understand their friend, whereas in another case the ability of the others to see his perspective has yet to be settled. When it is settled I sense it will be an emotional rollercoaster.
Which brings me to the last point, and the one that is truly where this story shines: the emotional impact. More so than any other story I have read in the last year, this story has proven to be the one that never failed to strike at my emotions. From loss… to despair… to joy… to confusion… this story has it all. It is seldom that I read a fanfiction where every other chapter I just want to reach through the screen and give one of the characters a hug. This is truly a testament to your skills as an author Fyn. And dare I say this is easily your best work yet.
For all of the reasons I have mentioned I do not hesitate to give this story the highest ranking possible. I encourage all fans of the Land Before Time to give it a read. You will not regret it.
Name of Fanfiction: Shorty’s Dark Past
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: This story is without a doubt where Ducky’s writing began to blossom into that of a more skilled writer. In this story Ducky has decided to take the overall plot of the tenth film and to create something truly unique with the narrative. Instead of the disappointing plot holes in that film, here we get a truly engrossing tale of a damaged longneck (Shorty) trying to find his way in an uncaring world and taking out many of his frustrations on others. With the intersection of a female his age (Ali) who has gone through her own trauma, and of his caregiver’s long-lost son (Littlefoot) we have a meet up of very different perspectives and understandings. The addition of figures from Shorty’s past can only bode further misunderstandings and heartache in the future, I fear. It has yet to be seen if Shorty will, as he did in the tenth film, find the empathy he needs (both in himself and in others) in order to develop in a less self-destructive path.
Corrected in this story are many of the minor errors that were seen in his earliest work, namely grammatical errors and spelling errors are less frequent. This is a testament to how Ducky has improved in his command of the English language, especially as it relates to creative writing. Additionally the improved use of pacing is clearly on display here. The work, despite going into detail on the motivations and thoughts of the characters, does not seem to drag. In fact, the author has specifically considered this and has moved some of the more intensive dialogue about the past into a separate work so as not to ruin the pacing. This goes to show how far Ducky has gone as an author, and though this story is not without its faults (Shorty’s motivations could certainly be elaborated upon more in the earlier chapters), I trust we will see continued excellence as the story continues.
Name of Fanfiction: Freeze
Rating: 9.5/10
Review: Goodness! How did I not see this story when it was first posted?
This was a lovely short story based upon a slight AU of the events of the Big Freeze. In succeeded in capturing the conflicted emotions of Ducky and building upon the friendship between her and Petrie and, of course, the relationship between her and Spike. The fact that he, despite not being brave by nature, decided to stick with his friend even when she demanded otherwise and shouted abuse at him (and worse) is a testament to the feelings that they share. The only thing that really prevented this story from earning the highest score was the lack of elaboration on some of the details about the scenes. This is something that could be expanded upon to further allow the reader to feel more like they were actually in the scene. But overall this is an absolutely excellent short story when it comes to characterization and emotional impact, and that is where it truly counts. I think this is easily your best work to date.
Name of Fanfiction: The Dreadful Time of Great Growing
Rating: 7.5/10
Review: I have already reviewed the first two chapters of this story on its page, but ultimately I think my previous reviews adequately cover my thoughts. Thus far the story has a healthy amount of humor as the characters begin to deal with their hormones, growing knowledge of the world around them, and the struggles that come with growing up. There are, however, two reasons why I cannot yet give it a higher score. First, I do not feel that there is enough of a narrative as of yet for me to get an idea of the overall plot of the story and to judge the work at a deeper level. And secondly there is a noticeable lack of description about what is going on in the scenery and background and, due to this, the long periods of dialogue sometimes take me out of the story. Further elaboration on the details to break up the dialogue would assist in making the story flow better and to keep readers engaged in the narrative. That being said, it is certainly off to a promising start and I look forward to seeing how the story develops in the future.
Name of Fanfiction: LBT: The Musical
Rating: 8.5/10
Review: What LettuceBacon&Tomato has done with his story is something quite unique. He has used some of the plot points of the general films (generic disaster, typical lines from the characters, songs, etc.), as well as some new plot points (drug use) and placed them in a context that does not make them seem so generic or out of place in an LBT work - a play. In so doing he also allows us, in a different way than in some of the films, to see deeper into some of the deeper motivations of the characters. So going into this story it is best to visualize the narrative as if - as the title indicates - it is being acted as a stage play. This is how I imagined the entire production as I read it and I think it is the best way to get the full effect of the work.
First, let’s talk about the strengths of this work. The humor in the story is quite strong due to the playful manner in which the author exaggerates the word choices of the characters, for example by having Grandpa Longneck be overly formal (“Mr. Threehorn, we cannot act before we know what is needed to act upon! We must be patient!”) and Topps being, well, Topps (or so we think), but with the addition of modern anachronisms (“No! We can’t waste time taking records and figuring out damage assessments, we need to act now!”). This is in keeping with how many plays would incorporate humor into a modern retelling of a historical event, by not taking it too seriously. Though I am left wondering how the actor playing Spike would act out his lines in parenthesis.
Secondly, the attention to detail in the actual staging and lighting decisions that would be made in a stage play (lights showing a character, a scene blacking out, a character exiting to the left of the stage, etc.) greatly assists in visualizing the work as if it were a play being acted before an audience. This is further expanded upon by the exaggerated movements and word choices, as I previously mentioned, of the characters. Thus, just as in a play, the somewhat stylizedmovements, words, and well-placed music highlight emotions and details which otherwise would be lost when viewing a stage play from a distance.
Finally, the story itself is quite solid. The motivations of the characters, and their personalities, are quite easy to follow and understandable within the context of the play. The way in which Mr. Threehorn plays on Cera’s pride and honor to manipulate her to carry out his deed… the love of Grandma and Grandpa Longneck as expressed when he reveals that his sickness is a chronic one… and the motivation of Sharptooth who seeks revenge for his humiliation. It all rings as sincere even though many of the scenes have elements that show humor and playfulness.
All that being said, this work, like any other, is not without its faults. Though, in this play’s defense, there were only two issues that stood out as I read it. Later in the play the stage directions seem to show up less and less detail between larger blocks of dialogue, which I must admit did detract somewhat from the visualization of the play in my mind. I think some further elaboration of the stage directions and the little improvisations that the actors make would have added some character to the overall work. Secondly, perhaps it was due to the use of humorous elements in the story, but the emotional turmoil of the characters sometimes seemed to fall flatter than was intended. Though, in fairness to the author and this work, this is something that I often feel with musicals and stage plays - so it might be by own stylistic preferences skewing my view of the emotional impact of some of the scenes.But, overall, these were minor issues in my general impressions of the work.
With its interesting use of narrative device, its mixed use of humor and serious subject matter, and interesting take on the inner motivations of our favorite characters, I do not hesitate giving it a 8.5/10.
