Guardian

[Fyn16]

My response to Rhombus's "Sharptooth Narrative" prompt. Details are in the author's note on fanficion.net, as once again this fic is a bit too long for me to post here, lest I (God forbid) miss a set of italics or some such.

Feels good to get back into the swing of writing canon characters, I must say

Guardian

[rhombus]

This is a superb story that sheds light on a period of Chomper’s life that we have seldom seen even in fanfiction: his time as a youngling after leaving the care of the Gang of Five.  We also get to see the beginnings of Elsie’s concern for some of the land-dwellers, which is a welcome addition to the fandom considering that she has… well… I think no stories dedicated to her until now.

In addition to the plot, which is easy to follow and relatable, I must commend you on your portrayal of Chomper’s parents.  The loving sarcasm of his mother is tempered by the lovable lazy-biter that we see in Dun.  Despite Dun’s hard exterior there is a sense of honor and concern for his son.  Though they both have been hardened by their way of life and experiences, their parental nature shines through in this story.

I know that an Elsie fic has been on your mind as a possibility for a while.  Well, let me just say that you have succeeded in doing the character justice.  Despite this being a deux ex machina character in the film, this story makes me want to hear more of her exploits, and that is very telling of how good this story is written.

Very nicely done.  

[Fyn16]

Thank you very much, Rhombus! I have indeed been waiting a long time for this story, and I'm glad it was received well! I had my doubts making it, as I always do, but I think this is arguably my favorite thing I've written in the last two months. It's always fun to shine the spotlight on someone who doesn't get a lot of screen time, and I think Elsie's always had a lot of potential for a story. After all, there are very few LBT stories set underwater.

Thanks for giving me a prompt that allowed me to work with this plan!

[ADFan185]

Awesome story very well written and very enjoyable

[Sovereign]

This was a very fun and enlightening story. I loved Chomper and his antics in this story and it took real effort to make Elsie seem like a good character. I found her annoying in the film abut she truly works here. Well done on that.

The characterizations were excellent throughout. Chomper's parents' personalities seemed quite natural and their dialogue was believable. However, the conversations about "El Zee" truly excelled with their hilarious dialogue and the characters' antics.   Chomper's insistence on her existence and his parents' attempts to reason with him were priceless. I know it sounds strange but I seldom laugh when I read anything but here I chuckled throughout. Great job!

Elsie herself seemed like an interesting character, one that could have actually improved the film. Your descriptions about her past managed to build enough background for her to be interesting and her drive to avoid sadness is something I can easily relate to. Moreover, her character was very likable but not unbelievably so. The slow collapse of the island was a nice thing to add as it could at least partially explain the extremely realistic pathway to the island.

I especially enjoyed the lively dialogue, great descriptions and the look to Chomper's early childhood. This truly managed to deepen the lore behind the fifth film in an entertaining and imaginative way. This was an amazing story and it truly brightened up my day.

P.S. On a side note, I wonder if it's necessary to come up with original names for lore characters in every story? Your names for Chomper's parents worked well but sometimes it gets somewhat confusing when every story uses different names for the Gang's parents', for example. I don't know what can be done about it, though.

[ADFan185]

Looking forward to reading the next one