I understand all of your points and I get that you don't hate RE 4. Here's how I look at everything you mentioned:
There is a lazer hallway in which you must jump around in to survive.
This one I'll agree seemed out of place, though be it really cool. I think this part was inspired by the first movie.
There is a sequence in which you run away from a giant walking statue.
This one I'll also agree with you on. Again though, I consider it a defense mechanism of the castle, albeit a weird one.
Not only can you kick people in the face, but you can also choke-slam them, along with an array of other wrestling moves.
Again, possibly inspired by the first movie, but I didn't find a problem with these. When the gun and knife doesn't work, you use brute force. I can understand why Capcom added those in.
The game occasionally has you fight giant troll like monsters by jumping on them and slashing a creature on it's back.
I actually really liked the troll fights. Sure you killed them all virtually the same way, but I liked that RE included those fights in. I think a troll could exist in the franchise, especially in that setting of Europe. Again, it could have evolved the same way the Nemesis originally did. Also, you don't necessarily have to use the knife. You can shoot the Plagas instead.
One of the main antagonists is a century old midget.
One of Code Veronica's antagonists was a cross-dressing, highly flamboyant psychopath with dual personalities. I again wasn't really bothered by Salazar.
There are quick time events all over the game that have you doing all sorts of ridiculous actions, along with an entire knife fight in one of them.
Again, not bothered by these at all. I found them pretty tense, especially the knife scene. One mess up and you die.
Leon spews one liners.
And you didn't like those? I thought found them to be references to how incredibly cheesy the dialogue from the older games were. Also, I found them genuinely funny.
There is a section in which you fight people on moving mine carts.
Again, I found this to be really tense. You were in a very tight vehicle moving towards obstacles while hordes of enemies attacked you from every direction. That's pretty suspenseful if you ask me.
You eventually happen on an island with armed, brainwashed mercenaries.
You were walking around a village with armed, brainwashed villagers and a castle with armed, brainwashed religious cult members. It didn't matter whether they were armed with melee weapons or ranged, they were still armed.
I guess the main point I'm trying to make is just because it's survival horror does not mean there can't be tense moments throughout that don't involve simple jump scares. I found the atmosphere in RE 4 very creepy in all parts because even though there were a bunch of open areas, you still didn't know where enemies were coming from. In fact, the open areas allowed for enemies to attack you from all directions as opposed to simply in front, behind you or either of the sides. Plus, RE 4 did have some backtracking parts to it, reminiscent of the earlier games, and RE 5 did bring back the highly limited inventory system, also reminiscent of the previous game, and before anybody says having a partner with additional slots ruins it remember that RE 0 also had a partner with additional spots that you could switch items around with.
I'm not trying to bash your opinion at all. I understand why you believe the way you do and I hope you don't take any offense to my counterargument. I just hope I can help you understand why I feel that both RE 4 and 5 are still RE games even if they don't follow the same formula as the previous games.