For the month of November we have a new character showcase.  Please warmly welcome Hyp, Mutt, and Nod as they show us why it is good to be big!  The character showcase topic for this month can be found here.

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Be Yourself

Tails_155

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you'll appreciate it more if I just continue

I like my Idea, but I can definitely understand people considering it poor...

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The next person of the group was Tim; Tim was everyone, he was the loudest, he was the quietest, he had a faÁade for every person he met. He is an Eagle Scout. However, Tim could hold a grudge like no other, once he was convinced he didn't like someone, it took a grotesque amount of effort to change his opinion. Tim had several dogs, and had lost one, he would never forget that dog, he loved him so much. Tim was the oldest of the group, he was born in 1990, the rest were considerably younger, a couple were only 6 or 7, so he could be seen as the babysitter almost. Tim was the most enigmatic of the group, he didn't have just one personality. People often told him "Be yourself," but how could he? HE didn't even know who he was.


Manny Cav

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Strong developments, here. Real, defined personalities. However, I'll probably need to see a few more paragraphs before I grasp what's going on here.

Tim.... An eagle scout, eh? Born in 1990....


Tails_155

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may be a coincidence, I just write, remember "I" am a character too, but "I" speak in first person...
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I guess I should say a bit about me, giving information about all these people it seems only fair to match it with my own description. I've always been a listener, I like to know details about people, I like to learn who people are, not who they think they should be, so learning all I can about this group has been quite a treat. I usually keep confidentiality about peoples' lives, but these people all said it would be alright if I told others who they were. I learned I was a good listener when I was quite young, I wasn't a good listener as far as instructions go, but when it came to feelings, character, and beliefs, I always would take every note I could. People often tell me "Be yourself," but I can't be myself without others doing just the same. I try to know people so I can say the right thing when it matters, and I don't burn bridges that aren't already ashes.

and I do know others born in 1990 who are Eagle Scouts, so don't think it's impossible :p

and for the record, the Eagle Scout sentence was the first edit since I posted on the fora, I added it in homage of F-14 :p


Manny Cav

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So far, we've just got character descriptions. They're good descriptions, at that, but so far, they aren't being put to use. I'm still left hanging at what's to come of all of this.


Tails_155

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it is so hard hearing you say all this and knowing I can't explain it all... I'll give a "Further" comment when it's done...

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Terri, the music lover of the group, had very strong opinions about music, if he liked a band, you'd know, if he disliked a band, you'd know, if he LOVED a band, he'd try and convince you to buy their album, if he HATED a band, he'd drive you crazy for buying their stuff. He liked all types of music, country, rock, rap, jazz, if it was good, he liked it, if he saw it live, he'd usually like it more. People still often told him "Be yourself," because they didn't think this was truly him, however, they were wrong. He remixed, he had computer programs, plenty of songs to mess with, and he wanted a turntable badly. He played the drums, and he was better than he'd tell you he was, he didn't think he was very good, but he could play what he wanted to play usually.


Manny Cav

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Quote from: Tails_155,Oct 22 2007 on  05:02 PM
it is so hard hearing you say all this and knowing I can't explain it all... I'll give a "Further" comment when it's done...

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Terri, the music lover of the group, had very strong opinions about music, if he liked a band, you'd know, if he disliked a band, you'd know, if he LOVED a band, he'd try and convince you to buy their album, if he HATED a band, he'd drive you crazy for buying their stuff. He liked all types of music, country, rock, rap, jazz, if it was good, he liked it, if he saw it live, he'd usually like it more. People still often told him "Be yourself," because they didn't think this was truly him, but they were wrong. He remixed, he had computer programs, plenty of songs to mess with, and he wanted a turntable badly. He played the drums, and he was better than he'd tell you he was, he didn't think he was very good, but he could play what he wanted to play usually.
Pretty good, but I'm still seeing descriptions here. I'm sure it's annoying you as much as it is me, for you to know that your readers simply don't get it. My hopes are that these detailed descriptions are justa prelude at what's to come.


Tails_155

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I may be letting you down, but it'll not be the ending you're expecting... =\ =/

I can't keep hearing this and not explain why :( so I'mma jump

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Hip was the youngest, less than 7 years of age, still he was his own character, and you could tell right away. He was very loud in public, usually quite mischevious, but he had good intentions, whether the public knew it or not. He'd pick fights that didn't need to be picked, he'd usually express his emotions outright. He was blunt. He'd tell you what you needed to know, and he wouldn't soften it one bit, if you were lazy he'd say "you're lazy, go do something why don't you." He knew the others well enough to thell them "Be yourself" because he hated people hiding from who they are. He didn't show every facet to everyone though, he had guilt for those he picked on, and he was a great person-to-person leader, but he heated presenting to a group, because he felt like he was just talking at people. People sometimes told him "Be yourself" because his loud personality seemed as though it were covering something, but no one would know, because he wouldn't ever say.

   Trey was also very blunt, blunt and ambitious, he'd speak the truth, even if he sometimes would hide from the truth himself. He'd often have some plan you'd never expect would be doable granted the timeframe, and he didn't have much luck with assistance, as people would promise to help and most would be lying, but his friends were always there for him. He was a great leader, even if he hated large amounts of power, he feard the work would be overwhelming. He was quieter in public, part of why so few people would help, he didn't speak well to groups, and he regreted this very much. People often told him "Be yourself," because he rarely even was anyone in public, he hid from the world unless something needed attention. He was inspiring with how much he hoped for, and how much he would work if it was truly needed, however he often saw small and medium value assignments as unimportant and would blow them off.

   Drake was very sentimental, he collected items that had meaning, or rarity. He didn't sell, he would buy, or he would trade, and he was a cutthroat trader too, if he wanted something "ten times out of nine I'd get it" (sic) he'd say. Everyone laughed at such a bizarre statement, as even he knew it couldn't be true, plenty of trades fell through his grasp, though his record was great. He was very attached to those he knew, and those who knew him, he'd be the first to be homesick, he'd be the first to miss a friend, and he had no problem cuddling up to someone he loved. People often told him "Be yourself," because he was very distant and cold to those who he didn't know, he rarely trusted people he didn't meet on a one-on-one basis. He wouldn't trade online, unless it was for online materials, such as video games, because he didn't like the thought of sending money to someone if he wasn't certain they'd send whatever he was buying to him. He is a writer, though he doesn't like to write about just anything, when he starts writing about something, if there's a word range, he either falls far short, or doubles the required length. He is the one people turn to for spelling and defining, he knows words like few he knows do, and when he writes passionately about something, he doesn't stop until everything is on the table.

   There was Zak, spelled as it is, he was the one with the political opinions, he was strong in them, and he stuck to them, but he wouldn't tell you his opinions unless you asked, or something truely outraged him. He wasn't for public religion unless the person who was hearing about it asked the speaker, he couldn't stand religious protests, because they always ended up harassing a group of people in a way that a non-religious person or group would be thrown in jail for, he saw it as a double-standard. He was for gun control, he was for abortion as long as it wasn't repetitive, he believed the court should be able to order someone to not have any more children, or create any more, because some people are just too irresponsible. He was completely against censorship, he figured, if he didn't like what he was hearing or seeing, he'd just stop hearing or seeing it, no reason to stop others from hearing or seeing it. He didn't understand bad words, he always wondered what made something bad, "it isn't the word, it's the user" is what he'd tell me. People often told him "Be yourself" because he didn't convey much personality, he just seemed to speak his politics, and not his personality.

   Then there was John, he was often picked on by others outside his circle of trust because he was the most feminine, and apparently there's something wrong with that. He had several times where he thought of ending it all, but he had friends who talked to him, and even when he didn't, he knew he had friends to live for, lives to live for, things to live for, so he never took the "easy" way out. He was very caring, he'd be there if you needed someone to talk to, and because of this, his friends felt obligated to do the same for him. He was very empathic, and he'd cry if he needed to, he wasn't afraid to cry in public, and I always thought that was the strongest thing about him. I never once heard anyone tell him "Be yourself," because when he was around, he was who he was, he acted as he thought was needed. He had a lot of emotional baggage, and plenty of guilt, as we all do, but he would express it. He is an artist, he is meticulous, and he enjoys art done well, and can see art others see as garbage, but he can find the artistic side of it, he likes bright colors, most notably oranges and yellows, he likes their warm, happy feeling, because it helps him think of good times.

   There was also Ray, he was the strongest physically, when he showed up, he was usually helping with physical labor. He had raked a couple yards, he'd mow a lawn, he'd help lift things. But he was also the strongest when it came to pain, he could endure troubles, he could deal with loss, he often surpressed things, and had no episodes from them, everyone wondered how he did it. He was the quiet one, he rarely said more than "yes," "no," or "we'll see," and even these things were sometimes replaced with nods, or shrugs. People often told him "Be yourself," because he never really expressed a character, he never seemed to show emotion, and no one knew why. He seemed humble, he didn't boast much, and when he did, it was fairly subtle, I wish more people were like this at times. I wish I were more like that at times.

   Last, but by no means least, there was Iggy, he was the nostalgic one, he wasn't too old, but he often would remember and want to watch shows others saw him as too old for. Others would sometimes make fun of him for being childish, he didn't care, he figured if people didn't think about their better times, they'd all go insane. He didn't express emotion too much, usually because he would use his memories to do that for him, but people rarely caught that. People told him "Be yourself" because they figured the nostalgia was all a ruse to hide his true self, but it wasn't that's just who he was. He had items from all the things he used to like, and still liked.

   After sitting and getting to know all these people, and all their differences, it was so strange to see them all accept each other, get together, and not judge the others for their ways, age, skin color, or ability. We all would meet, most often at night, before we went to bed, we'd get to know each other better, and talk about our problems. We would commonly spend an hour or more doing this, but the thing that always caught me as strange, was that we were all one person, or rather, I am all of them, so when people tell me to "Be yourself" it's harder than you think.

now, seeing as you obviously wanted more, I'll try and make some scenarios where this will be of value, sorry that this was what it was in the end, but I personally liked the idea, maybe I can show how each would react in different situations


Manny Cav

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I haven't read it yet so as to not spoil myself, but what I was beginning to expect was, literally, a story based on descriptions, where the character descriptions ARE the story. You're real good at that, so you may want to consider going into even further detail and writing longer stories. However, to every artist or writer their talents.


Tails_155

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well I never intended on calling it a "story" it's why I kept calling it a "thing" or a writing, story didn't suit it


Manny Cav

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You know, this reminds me of LBT fans and their fear of revealing their LBT passion when necessary, like when someone asks them, not being themselves. It really annoys me when stuff like that happens, where someone tries to be something they aren't, or tries to cover up what they are, like, or believe in.


Tails_155

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well... I have to say

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Kinda a spoiler, but replying to Manny, wait until you've read tho!_I can't make these faÁades not me, each one is me, in a different scenario, I wouldn't call any of these characters "not me" I made these perhaps to defend myself at different times, but they are all me_


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Quote from: Malte279,Oct 22 2007 on  05:27 AM
You wrote some interesting and colorful character descriptions so far. Interesting characters are essential to a good story, but so far I don't know anything about the story or plot you are intending to write which makes it difficult to answer your central question on the reader's interest.
That's my current assessment too.  The character descriptions are wonderful, but without any meaningful plot or setting to put the story to, there's not much to go on.  What is the setting or plot exactly?


Tails_155

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like I said, I never intended for it to be a "story" I think of it more as free verse poetry, there's not a story, there's what I posted =\ =/ you took it to be a story

I can make it into a story, but I have yet to make a scenario for it


Malte279

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Perhaps I have an idea of your situation regarding this story as I too have been planing on a story for ages, have many concepts ready for it, but would have a very hard time trying to define an actual plot between all the ideas involved in the story. Though the situation is definitely not the same as yours (for once I don't have any clearly defined characters for that story I'm planing) there may be similarities in this difficult situation of being unable to talk about a plot in spite of the many concepts prepared for the story.

There are many characters you have described so far who seem to have one or two (or more) features we know from members of our community here, while I don't see any character as a direct model of a GOF member. You mentioned the homage to F-14, are there other characters partly inspired by GOF members or is it just a coincidence?


Tails_155

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I dunno, you'd have to point them out


Petrie.

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The only match I see is maybe Terri is like Tim.  The rest don't match people here from what I can see and what I already know.  Nobody matches me.


Tails_155

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read the whole thing ;)

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20 October 2007
Be Yourself

   One day I came across a group of people sitting together at a bench, they had obviously been friends for quite some time and seemed like a great groupe of people, so I joined them. I learned a little about each of them while I was there, but I got to know each of them better after that. They all varied in personality, yet their unity was astounding, they were always together. The group of people all had basically the same routines each day, they all went to school together, they even shared many classes. The whole lot liked the same music, they all were seemingly conformist in public, but in private they were all quite different.
   Kit, very protective, of himself and his friends, he often took others' arguments into his own hands, he often would run into an argument between his friends and be the one to leave the most shaken or in tears, his friends, other than the group were the ones who most often fought, not that the group together didn't have their struggles. Kit was very insecure, he often would boast his achievements because he always feared he wasn't doing anything good for anyone, or he would feel bad and hearing his accomplishments would usually make him feel better. Others often told him "Be yourself," like they knew what was best, he was himself when he had the chance, but others would make him feel uncomfortable puting himself out as he was, so he had to create a faÁade that made him feel comfortable in public. He often worried about his closest friends, he shared his feelings, his hopes, his ambitions, and his care; I was shocked to find out so much about this kid, because he was so different in public, but I was so proud to find out that people could be like this.
   Miles was the biggest worrier, he always feared something would go wrong, he was a major pessimist, but he saw it as the reason he made so few mistakes. He is very smart in math and science, but he hates to show his work so he at times would get bad grades because he'd find the answer with no proceedure. He was rarely seen without a look of exhaustion on his face, he was often tired, sometimes just because. He was very expressive about his emotions, he was debatably depressed, but he was happy enough to know that he existed, that he kept it that way. People often told him "Be yourself," but he knew, if he was himself in public, he'd often be picked on for being so afraid all the time. He often kept his emotions bottled up unless someone confronted him and said "Hey, what's wrong?" He was quite implosive, he had once lashed out and stabbed a kid twice in the leg with a pencil because he wouldn't let his feelings out until it was too late.
   The next person of the group was Tim; Tim was everyone, he was the loudest, he was the quietest, he had a faÁade for every person he met. He is an Eagle Scout. However, Tim could hold a grudge like no other, once he was convinced he didn't like someone, it took a grotesque amount of effort to change his opinion. Tim had several dogs, and had lost one, he would never forget that dog, he loved him so much. Tim was the oldest of the group, he was born in 1990, the rest were considerably younger, a couple were only 6 or 7, so he could be seen as the babysitter almost. Tim was the most enigmatic of the group, he didn't have just one personality. People often told him "Be yourself," but how could he? HE didn't even know who he was.
   I guess I should say a bit about me, giving information about all these people it seems only fair to match it with my own description. I've always been a listener, I like to know details about people, I like to learn who people are, not who they think they should be, so learning all I can about this group has been quite a treat. I usually keep confidentiality about peoples' lives, but these people all said it would be alright if I told others who they were. I learned I was a good listener when I was quite young, I wasn't a good listener as far as instructions go, but when it came to feelings, character, and beliefs, I always would take every note I could. People often tell me "Be yourself," but I can't be myself without others doing just the same. I try to know people so I can say the right thing when it matters, and I don't burn bridges that aren't already ashes.
   Terri, the music lover of the group, had very strong opinions about music, if he liked a band, you'd know, if he disliked a band, you'd know, if he LOVED a band, he'd try and convince you to buy their album, if he HATED a band, he'd drive you crazy for buying their stuff. He liked all types of music, country, rock, rap, jazz, if it was good, he liked it, if he saw it live, he'd usually like it more. People still often told him "Be yourself," because they didn't think this was truly him, they were wrong. He remixed, he had computer programs, plenty of songs to mess with, and he wanted a turntable badly. He played the drums, and he was better than he'd tell you he was, he didn't think he was very good, but he could play what he wanted to play usually.
   Hip was the youngest, less than 7 years of age, still he was his own character, and you could tell right away. He was very loud in public, usually quite mischevious, but he had good intentions, whether the public knew it or not. He'd pick fights that didn't need to be picked, he'd usually express his emotions outright. He was blunt. He'd tell you what you needed to know, and he wouldn't soften it one bit, if you were lazy he'd say "you're lazy, go do something why don't you." He knew the others well enough to tell them "Be yourself" because he hated people hiding from who they are. He didn't show every facet to everyone though, he had guilt for those he picked on, and he was a great person-to-person leader, but he heated presenting to a group, because he felt like he was just talking at people. People sometimes told him "Be yourself" because his loud personality seemed as though it were covering something, but no one would know, because he wouldn't ever say.
   Trey was also very blunt, blunt and ambitious, he'd speak the truth, even if he sometimes would hide from the truth himself. He'd often have some plan you'd never expect would be doable granted the timeframe, and he didn't have much luck with assistance, as people would promise to help and most would be lying, but his friends were always there for him. He was a great leader, even if he hated large amounts of power, he feard the work would be overwhelming. He was quieter in public, part of why so few people would help, he didn't speak well to groups, and he regreted this very much. People often told him "Be yourself," because he rarely even was anyone in public, he hid from the world unless something needed attention. He was inspiring with how much he hoped for, and how much he would work if it was truly needed, however he often saw small and medium value assignments as unimportant and would blow them off.
   Drake was very sentimental, he collected items that had meaning, or rarity. He didn't sell, he would buy, or he would trade, and he was a cutthroat trader too, if he wanted something "ten times out of nine I'd get it" (sic) he'd say. Everyone laughed at such a bizarre statement, as even he knew it couldn't be true, plenty of trades fell through his grasp, though his record was great. He was very attached to those he knew, and those who knew him, he'd be the first to be homesick, he'd be the first to miss a friend, and he had no problem cuddling up to someone he loved. People often told him "Be yourself," because he was very distant and cold to those who he didn't know, he rarely trusted people he didn't meet on a one-on-one basis. He wouldn't trade online, unless it was for online materials, such as video games, because he didn't like the thought of sending money to someone if he wasn't certain they'd send whatever he was buying to him. He is a writer, though he doesn't like to write about just anything, when he starts writing about something, if there's a word range, he either falls far short, or doubles the required length. He is the one people turn to for spelling and defining, he knows words like few he knows do, and when he writes passionately about something, he doesn't stop until everything is on the table.
   There was Zak, spelled as it is, he was the one with the political opinions, he was strong in them, and he stuck to them, but he wouldn't tell you his opinions unless you asked, or something truely outraged him. He wasn't for public religion unless the person who was hearing about it asked the speaker, he couldn't stand religious protests, because they always ended up harassing a group of people in a way that a non-religious person or group would be thrown in jail for, he saw it as a double-standard. He was for gun control, he was for abortion as long as it wasn't repetitive, he believed the court should be able to order someone to not have any more children, or create any more, because some people are just too irresponsible. He was completely against censorship, he figured, if he didn't like what he was hearing or seeing, he'd just stop hearing or seeing it, no reason to stop others from hearing or seeing it. He didn't understand bad words, he always wondered what made something bad, "it isn't the word, it's the user" is what he'd tell me. People often told him "Be yourself" because he didn't convey much personality, he just seemed to speak his politics, and not his personality.
   Then there was John, he was often picked on by others outside his circle of trust because he was the most feminine, and apparently there's something wrong with that. He had several times where he thought of ending it all, but he had friends who talked to him, and even when he didn't, he knew he had friends to live for, lives to live for, things to live for, so he never took the "easy" way out. He was very caring, he'd be there if you needed someone to talk to, and because of this, his friends felt obligated to do the same for him. He was very empathic, and he'd cry if he needed to, he wasn't afraid to cry in public, and I always thought that was the strongest thing about him. I never once heard anyone tell him "Be yourself," because when he was around, he was who he was, he acted as he thought was needed. He had a lot of emotional baggage, and plenty of guilt, as we all do, but he would express it. He is an artist, he is meticulous, and he enjoys art done well, and can see art others see as garbage, but he can find the artistic side of it, he likes bright colors, most notably oranges and yellows, he likes their warm, happy feeling, because it helps him think of good times.
   There was also Ray, he was the strongest physically, when he showed up, he was usually helping with physical labor. He had raked a couple yards, he'd mow a lawn, he'd help lift things. But he was also the strongest when it came to pain, he could endure troubles, he could deal with loss, he often surpressed things, and had no episodes from them, everyone wondered how he did it. He was the quiet one, he rarely said more than "yes," "no," or "we'll see," and even these things were sometimes replaced with nods, or shrugs. People often told him "Be yourself," because he never really expressed a character, he never seemed to show emotion, and no one knew why. He seemed humble, he didn't boast much, and when he did, it was fairly subtle, I wish more people were like this at times. I wish I were more like that at times.
   Last, but by no means least, there was Iggy, he was the nostalgic one, he wasn't too old, but he often would remember and want to watch shows others saw him as too old for. Others would sometimes make fun of him for being childish, he didn't care, he figured if people didn't think about their better times, they'd all go insane. He didn't express emotion too much, usually because he would use his memories to do that for him, but people rarely caught that. People told him "Be yourself" because they figured the nostalgia was all a ruse to hide his true self, but it wasn't that's just who he was. He had items from all the things he used to like, and still liked.
   After sitting and getting to know all these people, and all their differences, it was so strange to see them all accept each other, get together, and not judge the others for their ways, age, skin color, or ability. We all would meet, most often at night, before we went to bed, we'd get to know each other better, and talk about our problems. We would commonly spend an hour or more doing this, but the thing that always caught me as strange, was that we were all one person, or rather, I am all of them, so when people tell me to "Be yourself" it's harder than you think.

I tried a story, I'm not too happy with how it came out, but I'll post it all the same...

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October 28
Still Waiting

This is based on the group's struggle with friends disappearing.

One night while I was asleep I received a message from a friend, J.R., who I trusted very much, and I'd be there for in a second, saying that the people of his niche, where we met, were becoming highly superficial, and that he was going to restart from the beginning, and leave his 'current' life behind-that he was leaving the online community where we met- and with an unanswerable farewell, he was gone. Later, when I met with the group, and told them about what happened we struggled to understand why he would leave without a form contact-if he trusted me enough to tell me and only me goodbye, why wouldn't he give me a way to contact him that didn't have connections to the niche? I was rather distraught finding out what had happened.

All of the people in the group had talked with J.R., and they all hurt knowing he was gone. Just because someone doesn't meet someone face-to-face hardly means that s/he won't be hurt when they go their separate ways, it was a hard reality to get used to, J.R. had been there for me every time I had problems, and he'd be the first to try and cheer me up.

First to respond, and in a way that seemed unnatural to him, was Hip, who said "Good riddance, if he's going to leave like that then we won't miss him!" He knew deep inside that this was not true, and he struggled to not shed a tear, he hated crying in public, he said it brought disappointment to other people, and he didn't want others to be sad just because he was.

Ray kicked a rock with an obvious air of anger around him, but he stayed quiet, because he didn't have anything to say, he couldn't believe someone he'd conversed with numerous times, someone he saw as a true friend, could just disappear...

John seemed so lost in thought, and so distant that no one thought to disturb him, no one knew whether he was thinking, or whether he was just stunned by what had happened.

Drake started playing the music J.R. had made a year or so ago, Terri had helped produce the music J.R. had made, so the group had numerous samples of music, some of which maybe no one else had, even J.R. since his computer crashed. Drake also pulled out the pictures that he had of J.R. and sighed.

Terri was visibly taken aback, he just couldn't imagine losing someone of such great potential to something so simple as people becoming superficial, J.R. had said that he didn't understand why all the people who worked hard went unnoticed while people who did nothing became popular overnight, something everyone wondered from time to time, but all the same, Terri couldn't see how he could leave without any way of contact, surely just because one group bothered him, he wouldn't leave everyone would he?

All of a sudden John spoke up, startling al of us. "Wait! What about his pages he has that aren't related to that niche?" We all looked at him rather confused, all of us could only remember him having niche-related pages, then John continued, "Well, it may sound crazy, but his MySpace wasn't technically related to it at all..."

We didn't really give it mind at first, we all thought of it as still being too related, but I went home and looked at the page, thinking it was in vain, but I realised something, his girlfriend may still be on, and maybe I could contact him through that... but before I got very far with that I noticed something, something unfamiliar to me, his friends... only I and one other friend were at all related to that group... it wasn't really connected at all! I sent out a message, figuring I'd take a chance. A couple days went by... still nothing, I'd basically given up, then one day, about a half a week later I receive a reply... explaining in full detail what had happened, it seemed to me a bit extreme that he'd leave over it, but all the same I respected his decisions, he said he'd keep in touch. I felt better after getting this news, and I sent him a reply with a couple plans... I have yet to receive anything after that...


Manny Cav

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Reading and reviewing fanfiction at midnight is not a good idea, so I'll wait until tomorrow. However, from what you said, it appears that warping something into something it wasn't meant to be may not be a good idea. You need to do what you're best at. :yes


Manny Cav

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I've just now read it. It did kind of seem that it was made of something that it wasn't meant to be made from (your original "story"), and it didn't seem quite as well written. It seemed like some of the sentences were overly long, with the occasion lack of proper commas, periods, etc. I have to ask, though, how interested are you in writing stuff like this? Is this something you plan on continuing or improving upon?


Tails_155

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I write free verse as I feel it, but other than that I don't normally write, I figured I'd try that because it seemed requested, so I went with a real situation, I don't really do as well with plot construction