the imfamous Chuck Norris facts

jedi472 · **Reply #20 on:** April 27, 2008, 02:20:34 PM

Chuck Norris rocks!

Chuck Norris was originally supposed to be in Smash Bros, but every button made him do a 1-hit KO roundhouse kick.

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #21 on:** April 27, 2008, 06:40:57 PM

Chuck Norris always enjoys randomly choosing some random person to get roundhouse kicked.

jedi472 · **Reply #22 on:** April 27, 2008, 08:29:46 PM

If Chuck Norris was in the Land Before Time, the entire series would be him roundhouse-kicking sharpteeth to death. That, and life lessons.

General Grievous · **Reply #23 on:** April 28, 2008, 04:34:17 PM

The movie "Cloverfield" was loosly based on a time when Chuck Norris became angry while visiting New York City.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers and they became the Teletubbies.

TheNumberOneShmuck · **Reply #24 on:** April 29, 2008, 04:00:02 AM

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident, and still managed to walk it off.

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #25 on:** May 07, 2008, 01:09:19 AM

Davy Jones and the Kraken fear Chuck Norris.

action9000 · **Reply #26 on:** May 07, 2008, 01:40:53 AM

Quote

If Chuck Norris was in the Land Before Time, the entire series would be him roundhouse-kicking sharpteeth to death. That, and life lessons.

Nice

Chuck Norris found a way to the center of the Universe. 2 days later, dinosaurs went extinct.

F-14 Ace · **Reply #27 on:** June 20, 2008, 04:32:21 AM

1. When Chuck Norris breaks wind, it stays broken.

2. Chuck Norris swears he didn't have sex with your wife while you were out of town. No, Chuck Norris does not know why your children want to grow a beard and are obsessed with karate and delivering Texas justice. Chuck Norris thinks you are asking the kind of questions someone asks when they want a roundhouse kick in the face.

3. Chuck Norris's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Chuck Norris doesn't take **** from anybody.

4. 65 million years ago, Jack Thompson, the Florida lawyer on a crusade against video games and violence, tried to sue Chuck Norris for committing violent acts. However, he dropped the case after recieving a roundhouse kick to the face. Scientists speculate that this event may have caused the dinosaurs to become extinct as well. Scientists are still baffled as to how Thompson survived a direct hit from Chuck Norris though.

5. When Chuck Norris was taking a math test, instead of working out the equasions, he wrote "violence' for every answer and got a perfect 100. chuck Norris solves every problem with violence.

6. Chuck Norris once reunited a boy with his mother. His dead mother.

7. Chuck Norris keeps his freinds close and his enemies closer: close enough to drop with a single roundhouse kick to the face.

8. The Virgin Mary once saw an image of Chuck Norris on her grilled-cheese sandwich.

9. Chuck Norris only lets Jackie Chan live because he likes Chris Tucker movies.

10. When Chuck Norris wants a salad, he eats a vegetarian.

11. Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. He only eats animals after he puts them in a veitative state.

12. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee but it isn't because of his family history. The guy ate an freakin Indian!

General Grievous · **Reply #28 on:** September 14, 2008, 09:20:25 PM

1. Chuck Norris applies roundhouse kicks directly to Head-On's forehead.

2. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

3. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

4. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

5. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

6. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

7. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Delta Force marathon on Satellite TV.

8. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

9. Chuck Norris built Voltron for a highschool science fair project.

10. Chuck Norris once had a remote control fighter jet that could turn into a giant robot. Today, we know this transforming airplane as Starscream.

lbt/cty_lover · **Reply #29 on:** November 20, 2008, 04:10:11 AM

I have an iPhone app called "Chuckisms". It is just a collection of Chuck Norris jokes.

When Chuck was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck.
Chuck can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
In a tagteam match, Chuck was teamed up with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre the Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
One time, Chuck accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks; Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck.
Chuck can build a snowman out of rain.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1 CRhK (Chuck Roundhouse Kick).
Chuck played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck can touch MC Hammer.
The Sherman tank was originally called the Chuck tank until Chuck decided that it wasn't tough enough to be assosciated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has ever been bad enough to be named after Chuck.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Chuck's glare will do the same.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck."
Chuck has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in all 50 states.
Chuck floats like a butterfly and stings like a Tomahawk missle. At Mach 3. In the face.
Chuck talks, you listen!
Chuck IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
Chuck and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesomeness cannot be contained in a single building.
A man once asked Chuck is his real name was "Charles". Chuck did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #30 on:** November 20, 2008, 11:13:26 AM

These are a hoot thus far! I came up with a few of my own:

1. Jason Voorhees tried to run from Chuck Norris, but Chuck caught up to him by walking and kicked him into the next galaxy.

2. When Freddy Kruger invaded Chuck's dreams, Freddy got so scared he died of cardiac arrest.

3. Osama Bib Laden can run but he can't hide, 'cuz nobody can outsmart Chuck.

4. Chuck is not just a black belt. He holds the Guiness record of being a millionth time black belt. Top that, Jackie Chan!

5. The Great Valley mountains don't protect our pals. Chuck patrols the perimeter and kicks the crap out of any sharpteeth who dare challenge him.

6. By the time an Irish man has chugged a pint of Guiness, Chuck has dried out the entire brewery!

7. Chuck never needs weapons. His fists are weapons of mass destruction.

8. Why haven't violent video games been censored? The FCC pees their pants when Chuck glares at them.

9. The Taliban and Al Queda dare not mess with Chuck. He can knock them all into space with one punch!

10. Billy Blanks was once a pupil of Chuck but was dropped when he broke his foot by trying to break a board and screamed like a little girl.

11. Bill Gates thought he was the king of computers, only to find Chuck had him miserably defeated without the abuse of capitalism.

12. Why has Godzilla been MIA? Chuck launched him back in the ocean and boarded his headquarters up with steel 2X4s!

13. Why has no one seen Bigfoot for ages? Chuck shaved him bald and embarrassed him into seclusion by making him have a tea party with Barney!

14. Atlas holds the world on his back. Chuck holds it up with his pinky and spins it the way Michael Jordan does a basketball.

15. What makes the oceans keep making waves? Chuck playing with his rubber ducky while taking a bath.

16. Chuck once blew a big poot. Hence, the jetstreams were created.

17. California has an earthshake whenever Chuck gets pissed off at a customer service clerk and slams his fist on the countertop.

18. Chuck can lap around the world in half the time Sonic the Hedgehog can.

19. When at home, Chuck likes to dance in his boxers while singing, "Everybody was kung-fu fighting! Huh! Yuh! Yet I was faster than lightning! Huh! Yuh! I dare anyone to fight me! Huh! Yuh! 'Cuz I know I can beat them! Huh! Yuh!"

20. Chuck has received many film offers, but turn them down 'cuz he says the martial arts skills in the scripts suck and are something the Teletubbies can barely do!

Whew! That's it for now. Hope ya like 'em

!

Littlefoot Fan · **Reply #31 on:** November 21, 2008, 06:57:13 PM

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. The only thing fear itself has to fear is Chuck Norris.

Littlefoot Fan · **Reply #32 on:** November 21, 2008, 08:15:02 PM

Here's some more random ones.

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1. The scar on Cloud's left arm wasn't geostigma, it was from when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him.

2. Chuck Norris does not plug into The Matrix, The Matrix plugs into Chuck Norris.

3. Chuck Norris cannot hear your pleas for mercy because sound waves are afraid of Chuck Norris.

4. Beyond the Great Valley is the Mysterious Beyond. Beyond the Mysterious Beyond is Chuck Norris's House.

5. Chuck Norris once went to hell, but was sent back up after Satan issued a restraining order against him.

6. Chuck Norris does not get stuck in quicksand, quicksand gets stuck in Chuck Norris.

7. Chuck Norris keeps his freezer at absolute zero temperature.

8. When Mr. Threehorn goes to bed at night, he has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

9. Chuck Norris does not have sugar with his coffee, he has coffee with his sugar.