Funniest Quotes You've Heard

Daddytops2009 · **Reply #120 on:** March 06, 2009, 02:47:02 PM

Bolt: You're ridiculous! I will super-bark you out of that tree!

NaNaNa · **Reply #121 on:** March 06, 2009, 06:40:27 PM

Flight of the Conchords:

Murray: So Bret, what's your song going to be about?

Bret: Mine's about epileptic dogs

Murray: Epileptic dogs? And Jemaine?

Jemaine: Mine's about dogs with epilepsy

Murray: So both of you are making songs about epileptic dogs

Jemaine: Yeah

Bret: That's right

Murray: Well either way its going to be tough. Now all the big bands, they keep their political statements on one side and their music on the other. That way they don't end up alienating half their fanbase. Like for example, if you were to write a song that was, say, anti-aids, you would be alienating all your pro-aids fans

Bret: How many people do you know are pro-aids?

Jemaine: Yeah, no one's pro-aids

Murray: Well I'm sure theres some people. (speaks on intercom) err Greg, come in here for a second (Greg enters)

Greg: Yeah?

Murray: Greg are you pro or anti aids?

Greg: ...Uhh, anti

Murray: Ok, thats one for anti, Greg could you go around a take a quick survey as to who's anti-aids?

Greg: Ok. (shouts out to the hallway) anyone anti-aids?

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #122 on:** March 12, 2009, 08:26:47 PM

BF: Bad Company (Again)

Haggard: Hey Sweetwater, you keeping an eye out for those trucks?

Sweetwater: You know that greed is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, right?

Redford: So is killing people.

Sweetwater: Uh, no; actually you're thining about the Ten Commandments. The Seven Deadly Sins are: Greed, Lust, Wrath-

Redford: Sweetwater... just shut up.

Sweetwater: Absolutely Sarge.

812558 · **Reply #123 on:** March 12, 2009, 09:08:45 PM

Family Guy

Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #124 on:** March 14, 2009, 02:06:05 PM

Left 4 Dead

Louis: These tunnels should take us back outside and towards the town.

Francis: And how the hell would you know that?

Louis: Interesting true story: In 1975, the local township-

Francis: You know, I just realized I don't care.

812558 · **Reply #125 on:** March 19, 2009, 03:13:34 PM

They Live

I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick A$$, and I'm all out of gum

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #126 on:** March 19, 2009, 08:28:39 PM

Kung Fu Panda

May not be 100% correct

Mantis: It's hard to find your nerve points underneath all of this-

Po: Fat?

Mantis: Fur. I was going to say fur.

Po: Sure you were...

raga · **Reply #127 on:** March 19, 2009, 08:40:29 PM

"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government"

monty python rules

Dark Pterano · **Reply #128 on:** March 20, 2009, 11:11:44 AM

From the new Del Taco ad.

Shrimp for brains!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #129 on:** March 20, 2009, 03:04:13 PM

Left 4 Dead

Zoey: So, do you guys think one day, all of this will end?

Bill: I'll see peace on Earth even if I have to murder every last one of these animals with my bare hands!

Louis: That's what I'm talking about!

Francis: Damn straight!

(Gets me pumped every time I hear it)

Kor · **Reply #130 on:** March 20, 2009, 06:53:18 PM

Dinosaucers (forgot which episode, & the exact line)

Genghis Rex to his Tyranno underling Ankylo: "Use the brain not in your tail."

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #131 on:** March 20, 2009, 11:27:24 PM

A couple of quotes from "Liar Liar"

:

About Mr. Allen:

Miranda: "Well, what do you think of him?"

Fletcher: "He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious b******, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking."

(A moment passes and Mr. Allen starts laughing. The other board members follow his lead and start laughing also.)

Mr. Allen: "That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard! You're a real card, Reede! I love a good roast! Do Simmons!"

Fletcher: "Simmons is old! He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife! You've met her at the Christmas parties! She's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard! And you, Tom! You're the biggest brownnose I've ever seen! You've got your head so far up Mr. Allen's a**, I can't tell where you end and he begins!"

Mr. Allen: (roaring with laughter) "Priceless!"

(Fletcher continues with every member)

Fletcher: "You have bad breath caused by gingivitis! You couldn't get a porn star off! Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway! I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime! Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! S***!"

Mr. Allen: "I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!"

Fletcher: "Good! I'll see you later, d***head!"

And, at the tow truck joint:

Fletcher: "You scratched my car!"

Motorpool Guy: "Where?"

Fletcher: (indicating with his hands) "Right there!"

Motorpool Guy: "OH... That was already there."

Fletcher: "You - -LIAR! You know what I am going to do about this?"

Motorpool Guy: "What?"

Fletcher: "Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain eight hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway! So what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!"

Motorpool Guy: (tossing the keys to Fletcher) "You've been here before haven't ya?"

These are just too funny

!

Nick22 · **Reply #132 on:** March 21, 2009, 02:59:15 AM

Jim Carrey can be very funny... I especially liked the Family Guy episode where Carter (Lois' very wealthy dad) forces Peter to perform as the Fletcher character for his amusement...

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #133 on:** April 01, 2009, 10:42:37 AM

The Simpsons

*Homer is in the bathroom, shirtless, with a face drawn on his gut*

Homer: Mr. Stomach, are you hungry? (Makes gut "talk") I'm always hungry; now make with the pizza fatso! (Homer chuckles to himself) You're the stomach...

*He makes it look like his gut is biting a slice of pizza. He then turns around and sees that Bart has been watching him the whole time. He puts the slice of pizza down and walks over to Bart*

Homer: ...I have to do this for work.

*Closes door*

Absolute favorite Homer Simpson moment

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #134 on:** April 07, 2009, 01:45:58 PM

Kung Fu Panda

*Po has just served soup to the Furious Five*

Mantis: This is really good!

Po: Oh no. You should try my dad's Secret Ingredient Soup. He... actually knows the secret ingredient...

Viper: What are you talking about? This is amazing!

Crane: Yeah, you're a really great cook.

Mantis: I wish my mouth was bigger!

Monkey: Tigress, you've got to try this.

Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can survive months at a time living off of nothing but the dew of a single ginko leaf; and the energy of the Universe.

Po: ...I guess my body doesn't know it's the Dragon Warrior yet. I'm gonna need a lot more than dew, and Universe juice...
-------------------------------------------------------------

Po: Wow, the Furious Five! You're so much bigger than your action figures. Except for you Mantis, you're about the same.

Mantis: ... <_< ...

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #135 on:** April 30, 2009, 12:11:51 AM

*Rush Hour 3*

Carter: "Way to go, Crouching Tiger! Whip out that hidden dragon!"

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #136 on:** May 05, 2009, 10:16:47 AM

The Simpsons

*Homer is going downhill on a pair of skis. He tries to remember what to do in a situation like this...*

Ski Instructor (In thoughts): If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is-

Ned Flanders (In thoughts, wearing a skin tight ski suit): It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!

*Homer snaps out of it*

Homer: Guh!!!! Stupid sexy Flanders!

LMAO

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #137 on:** May 05, 2009, 10:42:37 PM

A quote from Nostalgia Critic's review of Godzilla: "Woah a lighter i've seen giant radioactive lizards the size of the kingdome but a lighter? That gets my attention.'

Vaan360 · **Reply #138 on:** May 06, 2009, 11:31:56 AM

From an episode of "House" that I resaw today:

Cameron - "You din't got shoot for being in pain! You got shoot for being an idiot."

House - "Some think the two are connected"

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #139 on:** May 07, 2009, 03:18:45 PM

Red vs Blue: You Had Me at Halo

Grif: Apparently he's (Caboose) upset because it's Valentine's Day.

Simmons: It's what?

Grif: Valentine's Day... Valentine's Day? The day we celebrate love? And romance? You know, girls?

Simmons: Oh, oh- oh yeah, right, yeah, duh, I totally know about that day. I celebrate that day all the time. With all kinds of ladies.

Grif: You don't have to try and impress me.

Simmons: Oh you just don't know any of them and uh, I didn't talk about it because you know, that wouldn't be cool.

Grif: Yeah I'm sure. So why didn't you know what Valentine's Day was?

Simmons: Oh I just didn't understand what you said.

Grif: Well what'd you think I said?

Simmons: Valentine's... doy?

Grif: Ah yeah, I can see how that would throw you off.