Funniest Quotes You've Heard

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #200 on:** February 07, 2010, 03:33:22 PM

^I just watched that last night!

Red vs Blue

Sarge: *On radio* This is Blood Gulch Outpost Numb- wait... Simmons, what's the name of this new place we're in?

Simmons: Vahalla.

Sarge: Vahallagangelcallit... thingy... hello?

MrDrake · **Reply #201 on:** February 07, 2010, 03:42:41 PM

Hehe, I've got to watch the movie again myself, and Red vs Blue, nice little series indeed XD

Pirate: You're not dead
Pintel: No....he shot me *points to Barbossa*
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Jack Sparrow: I've got the key
Davy Jones: No you don't *shows him the key*
Jack Sparrow: Oh, that key

Jack Sparrow: *walking Scarlett and Giselle to the Black Pearl* Granted, it tends to list to port, and has been on occasion known to frighten young women. But I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
Scarlett: *seeing a dinghy instead of the Pearl* Is that it? The Black Pearl. Not very big.
Jack Sparrow: Love, that is a dinghy. My vessel is magnificent and fierce and huge-ish. And gone. Why is it gone?
Giselle: *sees a ship in distance* Is that it there?
Jack Sparrow: Yes, there it is! Why is it there?... It's much larger up close

Jack Sparrow: You know, for all that pirates are clever-called, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things.
Gibbs: *nods* Aye.
Jack Sparrow: I once sailed with a geezer lost both his arms and part of his eye.
Gibbs: What did you call him?
Jack Sparrow: *pause* Larry
- Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Ptyra · **Reply #202 on:** February 07, 2010, 04:04:16 PM

^ AHEM!

Barbossa: (about Tia Dalma) Take this fish's wife the the brig.
Pintel: Hello, Mrs. Fish.

MrDrake · **Reply #203 on:** February 07, 2010, 04:52:42 PM

lol

Dr. Evil: Cool! You mean I actually get fricken sharks, with fricken laser beams, attatched to their fricken heads?

Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen

Nigel Powers: Easy peasy, lemon-squeasy. What, is this your first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes; You try to attack me, one at a time, and I knock you both out with a single punch. Ready? Go!
*Dr. Evil's henchmen do exactly as he predicted*
Nigel Powers: Judo chop. Judo chop.
Dr. Evil: Oh, he's good.
Henchman Sailor: *approaches warily*
Nigel Powers: Do you know who I am?
Henchman Sailor: *nods*
Nigel Powers: Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?
Henchman Sailor: *nods again*
Nigel Powers: I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
*henchman falls down*

Japanese Man 1: RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!
Japanese Man 2: It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not.
Japanese Man 1: STILL! WE SHOULD RUN LIKE IT IS GODZILLA!
Japanese Man 2: Though it isn't.
*Japanese Man 2 Winks at Camera; both scream and run away*

Austin Powers: Mole! Bloody mole! We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole! But there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole
- Austin Powers in Goldmember

Ptyra · **Reply #204 on:** February 07, 2010, 04:55:46 PM

Ahhh, the mole. Ah, Dr. Evil's so dirty with describing the submarine XD

Warning, profanity, now that we're talking about Austin Powers
Austin: This coffee smells like sh!t!
Basil: (sees where he got the 'coffee' from) It IS sh!t, Austin.
Austin: Oh, so I'm not the only one.

I support Michael York's "Eeewwww" face X3

MrDrake · **Reply #205 on:** February 07, 2010, 05:08:08 PM

Ah yes, I remember that one, lol

Austin Powers: *after destroying Britany Spears Fembot* Ooops! I did it again baby!

Steven Spielberg: So Austin, what did you think of the new movie?
Austin Powers: I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest film maker around, is making a movie about me, very shagadelic baby, yeah! Having said that, I do have some thoughts
Steven Spielberg: Well my friend here, thinks it's fine the way it is *shows an oscar* (or something like that....it's a small golden man

)
- Austin powers in Goldmember

WeirdRaptor · **Reply #206 on:** February 07, 2010, 05:58:40 PM

That's an oscar, alright.

Anyway, hmm. My favorite quote:

From Spaceballs: Just about the entirety of the dialogue that's uttered on all the scenes that take place on the bridge of the villain's ships, actually...

MrDrake · **Reply #207 on:** February 07, 2010, 11:50:41 PM

Ah, thanks XD

Patches: Any questions?
Peter: Yeah, is this nessecary?
Patches: Nessecary? Is it nessecary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter: No
Pathes: No, but I do it anyway, because it's sterile, and I like the taste
- Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #208 on:** February 08, 2010, 08:42:11 PM

Family Guy

Lois: I do have some good news... in that contract you signed, you got to keep the corporate plane!

Peter: *Gasps, then leaps up in the air* YEAH!!!!

-Pause for about five seconds with no one moving, like it's the last shot of the episode...-

Lois: ...Peter how are you doing that?

Peter: *Stuck in the air* I don't know Lois I'm scared...

Lois: Well come down.

Peter: I can't... call someone.

Lois: Well, who should I call?

Peter: I don't know; Police, fire department... scientist! Call the scientist!

Lois: Okay you kids stay here with your father I'm gonna go call the scientist! *Runs off*

Peter: ...Am I gonna die...?

MrDrake · **Reply #209 on:** February 09, 2010, 03:29:00 AM

lol, nice one XD

Carter: *to Peter who is naked* Why are you naked in my house?
Peter: Why aren't you?
Carter: *after a pause* You're alright Griffin
- Family Guy

Ptyra · **Reply #210 on:** February 12, 2010, 05:08:59 PM

Michal York on the "Logan's Run" commentary: (As we get 'flashed' by Jessica) Ooh, Jenny (Actress of Jessica), I had forgotten that shot!

MrDrake · **Reply #211 on:** February 12, 2010, 07:30:51 PM

Gun Shop Owner: *trying to take gun off Homer* Sorry, but the law requires a 5 day waiting period, we've got to run a background check
Homer: 5 days? But I'm mad now! *gun is taken off him* I'd kill you if I had my gun
Gun Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you don't
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #212 on:** February 13, 2010, 02:06:37 PM

-South Park-

Cartman: Stan don't you know anything about physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.

2007excalibur2007 · **Reply #213 on:** February 13, 2010, 02:25:04 PM

From Arby n' the Chief (a Halo 3 machinima):

Master Chief (after joining an online match in Halo 3): "omg, stupid f***ing snowbound. <_< veto dis s*** you a**hole!

(speaking very fast) goddammit every1 press x dis map is f***ing gay if u dun press x it means ur gay f***ing press x u f**g**s press it mother****** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f***!!!"

(excuse the poor spelling and the profanity overboard lol, but that's really how it went

)

Saft · **Reply #214 on:** February 13, 2010, 10:04:25 PM

Perhaps not exactly humorus but I do love these quotes:

In season eight of the Simpsons there is an episode called ''The secret war of Lisa Simpson'', where she joins the army after Bart get's into trouble and needs severe discipline that the Simpsons take him to Military school to hopefully put some discipline in him (at least).

The quote comes about when the family tricks Bart into believing he's going to Disneyland instead:

''Military school! You lied to me!"-Bart
"Well, I'm sorry if you heard disney land but I distictively said Military school."-Homer.

MrDrake · **Reply #215 on:** February 13, 2010, 10:26:03 PM

Stan Lee: *trying to get into a wedding* I should be on that list, I'm Stan Lee
Receptionist: Yeah, nice try
Stan Lee: No really, I'm Stan Lee *is escorted out*
- Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #216 on:** February 14, 2010, 12:43:42 AM

Ace Combat 4 Shattered Skies

RADIO FAILURE!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #217 on:** February 15, 2010, 01:15:38 PM

Mass Effect 2

Shepard: I assume everything is going well up here?
*Joking around with Joker and EDI*

Joker: We're just having an argument over personalization of the work space.

EDI: Cerberus regulations are clear Mr. Monroe: Personalization does not include grease on my bridge cameras.

Joker: It's just mad that all of it's footage of me looks like a dream sequence.
---------------------------------

Joker: It was... until this thing started questioning my every move... it won't let anything slide.

EDI: You were deliberately falsifying maintenance reports Mr. Monroe.

Joker: Not falsifying, tweaking. I always wound up on task times, just making me look good when we come under.

Shepard: Harmless self promotion. EDI can ease off on that.

EDI: Very well Shepard.

Joker: Yeah, go power. I win.

Shepard: Joker...

Joker: Right, right. No hard feelings, good game.

MrDrake · **Reply #218 on:** February 15, 2010, 03:37:16 PM

Phil Ken Sebben: I can build that house by the lake and run around naked all day, ha ha ha, dangly parts
- Harvey Birdman: Atourney at Law

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #219 on:** February 15, 2010, 09:31:28 PM

Tony Hawk's Underground (XBox game):

Story Mode character (to grumpy fat security guard): "What's your problem, Bacon Bits? Wake up on the wrong side of your mother this morning?"

AND

Guest Character in Moscow (to SM character as they're about to clear a castle wall): "Oh, yeah. Don't get shot."

Bam Margera (watching tanks drive by after the stunt): "Ohhh, tanks!"

Tony Hawk's Underground 2 (XBox game):

Bam Margera (after two drunk guys pulling him on a skateboard crash into some bushes): "Whadaya know?! My BMW! My Boozed-up Moron Wagon!"