Funniest Quotes You've Heard

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #340 on:** August 06, 2010, 11:00:51 AM

The Simpsons: Mr. Plow episode

Homer "Mr. Plow" Simpson just plowed the snow in front of the Retirement Castle.

Abe Simpson: We're free! We're no longer prisoners. We can go anywhere we want!

...

...

...

Abe Simpson: I'm cold and frightened.

Everyone walks back inside.

Adder · **Reply #341 on:** August 14, 2010, 09:31:00 PM

Another one from Tremors 2: Aftershocks.

Earl Bassett: (about the detnator) Set that like I showed you.
Grady Hoover: How stupid do you think I am?
Earl Bassett: (thinks) Catch me on that one later.

Almaron · **Reply #342 on:** August 14, 2010, 09:49:21 PM

"The Goodies" Kung Fu Kapers (The episode that actually made a guy die from laughter)

Scene: Bill is telling Tim and Graeme about his time spent learning the ancient Lancastrian Martial Art of Ecky-Thump.

Bill:...our Grand Master, and eh, he was grand. He spouted such wisdoms as;
Grand Master: There's nowt wrong wi'out what mitherin' clutterbucks don't barley grummit!

MrDrake · **Reply #343 on:** August 15, 2010, 07:05:41 AM

Fry: Professor, isn't it time for your nap?
Professor Fransworth: Yes damnit! Shut up! *falls asleep*

Leela's Father: No beer until you finish your Tequila!
- Futurama

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #344 on:** August 16, 2010, 10:22:27 AM

The Simpsons

Mr. Burns: Smithers, is it wrong to cheat in a million-dollar bet?

Smithers: Yes sir.

Mr. Burns: Let me rephrase that; is it wrong if I cheat in a million-dollar bet?

Smithers: No sir. Who shall I kill?

MrDrake · **Reply #345 on:** August 16, 2010, 08:04:21 PM

Scientist: Damnit man, I'm a scientist, not an English tearcher! Now....inject this man with some science!
- Dragonball Z Abridged

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #346 on:** August 17, 2010, 11:26:10 AM

The Simpsons: More Mr. Burns and Smithers

*Mr. Burns is watching the security camera footage of Homer eating doughnuts*

Mr. Burns: Look at that pig stuffing his face full of doughnuts on my time! That's right keep eating... little do you know that you're drawing ever closer to the poison doughnut! *Chuckles evilly* There is a poison one; is there Smithers?

Smithers: No sir. I discussed this with our lawyers; they consider it murder.

Mr. Burns: DAMN THEIR OILY HIDES!!!!

MrDrake · **Reply #347 on:** August 17, 2010, 06:11:47 PM

Vegeta: *singing, while stealing Frieza's Dragonballs* I've got a lovely bunch of Dragonballs
There they are a sitting in a bunch
One star, two star, all big as my head
Give 'em a toss, a planet across
That's how Vegeta wins, buh-bye *flies off*
- Dragon Ball Z Abridged

F-14 Ace · **Reply #348 on:** August 18, 2010, 01:35:10 AM

From Animaniacs: I saw this one on the Nostalgia Critic's countdown of naughtiest Animaniacs moments.

Dot: I found Prince!

Yakko: No no no! Fingerprints!

Dot: (thinks for a moment) I don't think so...

A naughty quote from the Spider-Man 2 video game:

Quentin Beck tries to shoot Spider-Man with a laser but the laser malfunctions.

Quentin Beck: What? The laser is overheating? (banging on the control panel) You stupid machine! Work! Work! Come on! Work!

Spider-Man: Problems with your laser, beck? I hear there are pills for that now!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #349 on:** August 19, 2010, 01:33:07 PM

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

*After Scott finds out that Roxie Ritcher is Ramona's 4th Evil Ex*

Scott: You and her?!

Ramona: It was just a phase.

Roxie: Just a phase?!

Scott: You had a SEXY phase?!?!

Ramona: It meant nothing! I didn't think it would count!

Roxie: It meant nothing?!?!

Ramona: I'm just a little bi-curious.

Roxie: Well honey... *cracks knuckles* I'm a little BI-FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F-14 Ace · **Reply #350 on:** August 19, 2010, 06:56:30 PM

This quote from Monty Python's "Crunchy Frog" sketch.

Inspector: … Now what about this one, number five… it was number five, wasn’t it? Number five: Ram’s Bladder Cup. [beat] Now, what sort of confectionery is that?

Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram’s bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue, and garnished with lark’s vomit.

Inspector: Lark’s vomit?

Mr. Hilton: Correct.

Inspector: It doesn’t say anything here about lark’s vomit!

Mr. Hilton: Ah, it does, at the bottom of the label, after “monosodium glutamate.”

Inspector: I hardly think that’s good enough! I think it’d be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label: “WARNING: LARK’S VOMIT!”

MrDrake · **Reply #351 on:** August 21, 2010, 03:23:28 AM

Dr. Evil: That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE!
- Austin Powers

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #352 on:** August 25, 2010, 11:15:41 AM

Scott Pilgrim vs the World

Wallace: What's with his outfit?

Random Dude: Yeah, are you a pirate?

Scott: ARE you a pirate?

Matthew Patel: Pirates are in this year!

MrDrake · **Reply #353 on:** September 06, 2010, 02:33:14 AM

Gaia: Ortega! Mash! Launch a Jet Stream Attack on that Mobile Suit!

Ortega: He evaded the Jet Stream Attack? Impossible!
- Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2

StarfallRaptor · **Reply #354 on:** September 06, 2010, 02:53:02 AM

Kamille: Kamille's a man's name! AND I'M A MAN!!!!

MrDrake · **Reply #355 on:** September 06, 2010, 04:58:25 AM

Ray: Don't make me light my butt!
- The Princess and the Frog

Animeboye · **Reply #356 on:** September 06, 2010, 05:40:39 PM

Zarbon: Lord Frieza, we've found a note!

Frieza: Let me see that! *holds up note slightly*...It just says "Dear Frieza" and it's a picture of a butt!

Zarbon: ...Can I see it, Lord Frieza?

MrDrake · **Reply #357 on:** September 06, 2010, 10:04:20 PM

^ lol, that's awesome as usual XD

Patrick: *holding a piece of paper that his parents had sent him* Look what they sent me! *hands paper to Spongebob*
Spongebob: *gasps, seeing that it's a picture of a music note* A note!
Patrick: Yeah! But look on the other side
Spongebob: *turns it over, revealing the letter B* A letter!
Patrick: And it came with this *hands Spongebob the real note/letter from his parents*
- SpongeBob SquarePants

I can't recall the exact wording of the obove scene, but it was to that effect regardless XD

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #358 on:** October 14, 2010, 05:24:18 PM

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

*Stephen Stills is freaking out over how they'll play*

Stephen Stills: How are we supposed to follow this? We're not going to win! We're not going to sign with G-Man! We'll never play opening night at the Chaos Theatre. *Turns attention to Scott* DAMN IT SCOTT WILL YOU PLEASE JUST STOP STANDING THERE YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!!!!!!!

MrDrake · **Reply #359 on:** October 23, 2010, 03:37:53 AM

Yzma: *about how to get rid of Kuzco* How should I do it? Oh I know, I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea, then I'll put that flea into a box, and then I'll put that box into another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives *laughs* I'll smash it with a hammer!
- The Emperor's New Groove