Funniest Quotes You've Heard

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #400 on:** March 30, 2011, 08:41:51 PM

The classic Tootsie Pop ad

Boy: Mr. Turtle; how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?

Mr. Turtle: I never made it without biting. Ask Mr. Owl.

LATER ON...

Boy: Mr. Owl; how any licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?

Mr. Owl: Let's find out. *Takes Tootsie Pop and starts licking it*

Mr. Owl: LICK One. LICK Two. LICK Three. CRUNCH!!! *Hands Tootsie Pop stick to boy* Three.

Boy: <_<

F-14 Ace · **Reply #401 on:** April 04, 2011, 02:20:11 PM

THIS!
THIS! Warning: Contains language! Picard seems to have lost his cotton-picking mind!

Allicloud · **Reply #402 on:** April 04, 2011, 03:08:52 PM

From the Rifftrax verion of The Fellowship of The Ring:

Aragorn: Frodo's fate is no longer in our hands

Mike: For some reason, it is now in our elbows.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #403 on:** April 05, 2011, 05:19:56 PM

Red vs. Blue

Donut:...I'm on this awesome diet.

Sarge: You're still on that high fat/low fiber liquid diet where you drink nothing but bacon grease?

Donut: Nah, that was just a fad.

Sarge: What's the new one?

Donut: I only eat foods that begin with vowels.

Simmons: That sounds really hard; what did you have for breakfast?

Donut: Eggs and Oreos. And for lunch I'm having asparagus... and Oreos.

Grif: Holy crap, I've been on that diet for years. I had no idea I was so healthy! I even cut out the eggs! And I don't even know what asparagus is.

Allicloud · **Reply #404 on:** April 12, 2011, 05:38:50 PM

Guy 1: (packing fridge with Bud Lite) And we are set for the party!

Guy 2: But how are we gonna stop people drinking them all?

Guy 1 pulls a lever on the wall and the fridge rotates into the wall

Guy 2: A secret rotating wall...dude, you're a genius.

(guys 1 and 2 fist-bump. Camera pans to other side of the wal to reveal another apartment with another guy taking all the Bud Lite out of the fridge)

Guy 3: GUYS, COME QUICK! The magic fridge is back!!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #405 on:** April 15, 2011, 02:35:39 PM

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Ramona: What kind of tea do you want?

Scott: There's more than one kind?

Ramona: We have... Blueberry, Raspberry, Ginseng, Green Tea, Green Tea with Lemon, Green Tea with Lemon and Honey, Liver Disaster, Ginger with Honey, Ginger without Honey, Vanilla Almond, White Truffle, Blueberry Walnut, Constant Comet, and... Earl Grey.

Scott: :blink: ...Did you make some of those up?

MrDrake · **Reply #406 on:** April 15, 2011, 07:30:35 PM

Chief Wiggum: *arresting Homer* Homer Simpson, I am placing you under arrest for the attempted murder of Mr. Burns

Homer: D'oh!

Chief Wiggum: That's what they all say, they all say d'oh
- The Simpsons

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #407 on:** April 18, 2011, 01:16:56 AM

Spiderman: Shattered Dimensions

Electro: I have become a being of pure energy!

Ultimate Spiderman: WITHOUT PANTS!!!
--------------

Deadpool: Listen webby; I can't have you swinging around in your bunny pajamas breaking my cameras. You're gonna have to tangle with my army... And by army, I mean production assistants; And by production assistants I mean unpaid interns; And by unpaid interns I mean my fans. You're gonna have to tangle with my fans!

Ultimate Spiderman: ...Lamest. Super-villain. Ever.

Animeboye · **Reply #408 on:** April 21, 2011, 12:53:49 AM

DBZ Abridged

Super Kami Guru: So, Dende...sucks about your family.

Dende: We've gone over this!

Super Kami Guru: But do you know who also lost his family? ...Batman.

Dende: I don't know who that is!

Super Kami Guru: ...See? This is why we need TV!!!

Dende: Why?

Super Kami Guru: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dende! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dende! Dende! Dende!

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #409 on:** April 26, 2011, 07:51:27 PM

Ghostbusters

Ray: You know, it's just occurred to me that we haven't really had a completely successful test of this equipment.

Spengler: I blame myself.

Peter: So do I.

Ray: Well, no sense worrying about it now.

Peter: Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

Ray: ...Yup. Let's get ready; switch me on.

*Spengler powers up Ray's pack and it gives off a loud noise. Peter and Spengler back as far away from it as possible*

MrDrake · **Reply #410 on:** April 26, 2011, 08:22:38 PM

Super Kami Guru: Nail!!!! Take his coat!!!!

Frieza: I don't have a coat

Nail: *calling to Guru* He doesn't have a coat sir, and I believe this is the guy that's been killing our race

Super Kami Guru: *after a pause* Nail!!!! Don't take his coat!!!!
- DBZ Abridged

Belmont2500 · **Reply #411 on:** April 27, 2011, 04:15:27 PM

Robot Chicken:Jaws Parody:

Quint: For that you get the head, the tail, the who damn thing.

The Shark(in dusguise): I say we let him go!

Redwall The Abriged Series:

Janine from Ghostbusters: Hello Ghostbusters.

Cluny The Scourge: Is this an actual business?

Janine: Yeah we're serious.

Cluny: I need your help.

Janine: You do?

Cluny: I've been having these nightmares.

Janine: You have? What's your address?

Cluny: And then I hung up.

Cheesetheif: Why Chief?

Cluny: We have no address, WE LIVE IN A FOREST!!!

Cheesetheif: you don't mean..

Cluny: Yes, we must find another way to call....Ghostbusters!

Another from Redwall:TAS:

Matthias: I'm gonna be a great warrior!

Martin The Warrior's Ghost: That'll happen the day Brian Jaques decides to turn Redwall into a video game.

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #412 on:** April 28, 2011, 10:59:54 AM

Ghostbusters
*Peter finds the Slimer ghost and contacts Ray over the radio*

Peter: Come in, Ray.

Ray: Peter, I saw it! I saw it! I saw it!

Peter: It's right here Ray. It's looking at me.

Ray: He's an ugly little spud; isn't he?

Peter: I think it can hear you Ray.

WeirdRaptor · **Reply #413 on:** April 30, 2011, 03:37:33 AM

What? No, "He slimed me"? Tisk tisk.

Hmm? Just about everything that comes out of Bruce Campbell's mouth in Army of Darkness.

"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #414 on:** April 30, 2011, 10:27:44 AM

^Fine, but only because you asked SO NICELY...

Ghostbusters

Ray: Venkman! What happened?! Are you okay?

Peter: He slimed me...

Ray: That's great! Actual physical contact! Can you move?

Spengler: Ray? Ray? Come in please.

Peter: I feel so funky...

Ray: Spengler, I'm with Venkman. He got slimed!

Spengler: That's great Ray! Save some for me.

MrDrake · **Reply #415 on:** May 01, 2011, 07:41:29 AM

Patrick Star: It's called the Ugly Barnacle. Once there was an Ugly Barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end

SpongeBob: *upset* That didn't help at all
- SpongeBob SquarePants

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #416 on:** May 05, 2011, 05:42:39 PM

Portal 2

Cave Johnson: When Life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade... make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I don't want your damn lemons, What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it decided to give Cave Johnson lemons! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!!!!

Long live Cave Johnson

MrDrake · **Reply #417 on:** May 05, 2011, 06:04:24 PM

Ah, another Cave Johnson fan XD

Johnny Cage: *going down line of fighters* I'm going to take you out, and I'm gonna take you out, and I'm gonna take you out, and I'm gonna take you out.... *realizes it's Sonya Blade* ....to dinner
- Mortal Kombat 9

Saft · **Reply #418 on:** May 13, 2011, 05:21:47 PM

From The Simpsons:

Bart: ''Dad are you licking toads?''
Homer: ''I'm not not licking toads.''
Homer licks the toad...

In the Labyrinth:
Sarah: That's not fair!
Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

Spartanguy88 · **Reply #419 on:** May 13, 2011, 05:47:06 PM

Portal 2
FUNNY WHEATLEY MOMENT

Wheatley: Most test subject do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been in there for quite a lot longer; and it's not out of the question that you may have a VERY minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed; alright? Or if you do feel alarmed, try to hold onto that feeling; because that is the proper reaction to being told that they have brain damage. Do you understand what I'm saying? Any of this make sense? Just tell me, just say "yes."

SCREEN SHOWS: PRESS "A" TO SPEAK// THE PLAYER JUMPS INSTEAD

Wheatley: Okay, what you're doing there is jumping... uh, you just jumped. But never-mind, say "apple." Apple.

SCREEN SHOWS: PRESS "A" TO SAY APPLE// THE PLAYER JUMPS AGAIN

Wheatley: Okay you know what... that's close enough.