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The Land Before Time: Far Away Home

Caustizer · 415 · 77239

Caustizer

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Prologues are always out pretty fast, but also they are short and laden with spelling mistakes  ;) .

I'm actually not impressed with this bit, since I had planned on characterizing Cloud a bit more since you won't hear too much more about him until Sky is done his story (whenever that might be).

Originally, I was going to have more lines of dialogue in Eybron's Story as told by Cloud, but I wanted to publish it before exams hit and I got too busy. There was a part I had planned on where the children reacted to each part of the tale and asked important questions, but ultimately I didn't have time to do it.

I'm still really interested in your interpretation of Eybron Sky, and I hope that inbetween studying you can find the time to make a sketch or two  :smile.  I'm not hoping for miracles here, just interested in what you think he looks like.


Caustizer

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No news on the first part of Act IV (assume for it to come after this week of exams) but I have placed all of Sky's pictures for the first three acts on the very first tread so that they are properly displayed for anyone who first reads my story.


Caustizer

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Been very busy with exams and all, but I'm glad it's finally over so I can concentrate on other things now... like Far Away Home!  :smile

I have the skeleton of a chapter at the moment, and I know what is going to happen its just a matter of typing it into being.  That particular point is one  that is causing the delay at the moment because I am so busy preparing for summer.  No rest for the weary I suppose.

EDIT: Looks like it's going to be a Ruby&Glide/Eybron chapter, but that could change if it doesn't fit.  :angel


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Part I: Awakening


Ruby felt a flowing, pleasant warmth covering her entire body.  The water was passing around her like she was a mere rock in the ocean, and making its way down to someplace else in a timely, uninterrupted fashion.  It reminded her almost of the mud baths back home in the Great Valley, where it was so relaxing one could spend all day there without a care in the world.  With a bit of an effort the fastrunner opened her eyes, unsure of what she expected to see.  The result was a deluge of bright sparkling lights, the likes of which she had never seen before.  Snapping back to life, she rose from where she had been laying and brushed back her frill, which was soaking wet.

“Wha… where am I?” she said out loud as she gathered her thoughts and observed the scene around her.

This place was probably the most unique and awe inspiring sights ever conceived in the past world, and it was a direct result of the tailings of the Whirlpool.  The cavern was massive but well lit, and sparkled with an almost tropical glow that made it seem like they had dropped into a natural paradise.  The air, as well as the water in the cave-wide pool was warm and pleasing.  In the middle of the pool in which Ruby rested sat a large column of descending water, which rotated and churned as it fell from the roof into the hot spring pool.  Apparently, the disaster that was the Whirlpool had a happy ending after all, as it ended up in this cave of wonders.  Ruby looked around in awe for a few moments, before rising slowly to her feet.   Droplets of water trickled off her feathers and her face and dripped into the shallow pool that she had been formerly lying in.

“Up already… it’s about time,” mocked Glide snidely from a nearby shoreline.

“Hey,” called out Ruby with a smile as she turned, “Glide… you’re okay!”

“Yeah,” muttered Glide as he shook out his wings, peppering the nearby rocks and walls with droplets, “no thanks to any of you hatchlings… If I hadn’t saved your skin I would still be up on the surface with the rest of the wingtails.”

“But…where is everyone else?” asked Ruby with concern.

“Over here drying ourselves out of this downright nasty stuff,” commented Gentry from a different side of the pool as he started clearing off himself and Chomper of greenish blue algae that had covered their skin from being in the pool.

“I’m glad you’re okay Ruby,” said Chomper as he looked up eagerly as Ruby waded to shore, “I was afraid you might not make it through the turning water.”

Ruby stepped onto the hard gravel shore, and hugged Chomper once more as he came to greet her.

“I’m glad you’re okay too,” replied Ruby with genuine care.

Ruby had over the past couple months become a very important figure for Chomper, and in some ways he almost regarded her as a sister that he never had.  There was no way to say how glad he was that she survived the Whirlpool, as it had been quite scary even for him as a sharptooth.

“What about Cera,” commented Ruby as her and Chomper separated, “and Thylo… are they both okay?”

“Hah,” interjected Glide as he crossed the water with a swift flap of his mostly dry wings, “those two are so reckless and headstrong they put me to shame.”

Ruby, Chomper, and even Gentry all looked up at Glide in surprise, who had just admitted for the first time that he might be flawed.

“Really… I would never have guessed,” commented Gentry smugly.

“Hey, shut up before I decide to pulp you,” reconciled Glide in embarrassment, but it was only half serious and was silly enough to cause Chomper and Ruby to giggle.

Glide crossed his arms in displeasure.

“If you’re done egg-stealer… could you please tell them where the others went before you all drive me off the deep end?”

Gentry pulled himself together after a moment.

“The threehorn and the annoying one left a while ago… not all sure where they went but they –”

“We’re back!” declared Cera triumphantly as she entered the cave and the conversation, “and I think we have found a way out… come on!”

The gang took Cera’s lead, and proceeded after her and Thylo into the caverns ahead.  With the water gushing in from above and flowing out at the other side of the cave at a torrential pace, it was the only logical option.

Chomper was getting really sick of all this dark, dank caves.  The sharptooth was eager to get back outside and breathe the fresh air again, so long had all of them been underground.  On top of this he was hungry too, as his growling stomach constantly saw fit to remind him.  It was so much that it was all he could think about, even occasionally getting a primal urge to take a snap at the one in front of him who happened to be Ruby.  Trying to take his mind off it, he focused on something else.

“So what do wingtails eat?” asked Chomper over his shoulder, hoping Glide would answer.

“Anything,” responded the black wingtail swiftly.

There was a bit of an edge to his voice that clued Chomper in that he must be hungry as well.

“Okay… but if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?”

“Water swimmers,” said Glide as he licked his lips, “a few of the brown ones would make my day.”

“Hey I remember having those,” piped up Chomper, “back when me and Ruby first met.”

Glide raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

“The runner?”

“Yep,” answered Chomper with a smile.

“Hmm,” the wingtail mumbled as if he was just registering the fact that they all had names.

“Wait a minute, you don’t know who everyone is… we haven’t introduced ourselves,” mentioned the little sharptooth, “I’m Chomper, and the threehorn up front is Cera.”

“Cera,” repeated Glide with a snort, “and the other two?”

“Uh…”

Poor Chomper couldn’t remember the names of their new friends.   With so much that had happened over the past few days, it had slipped to the back of his mind.

“Gentry at your service mate,” said the egg-stealer as the single-file group rounded a corner, “the annoying one is Thylo.”

Thylo turned around in anger.

“Hey you’re annoying too! With your funny voice and funny colour and we never know what you’re saying half the time and you’re really mean all of a sudden and I don’t feel like arguing because I’m hungry and you…”

Cera sighed and rolled her eyes, shooting an urgent glance at Ruby hoping she would find a way to end the argument.  Unfortunately, the fastrunner just waved in their direction dismissively… sometimes it was best to let these things solve themselves.  

In truth Ruby’s mind was else ware, and she was thinking about far more serious things then a small argument.  She thought about that evil wingtail, and how he had treated her so cruel the day before.  He was mean and heartless, and thanks to her help he wiped an entire valley off the face of the earth.  She knew it wasn’t her fault, and yet she couldn’t help but blame herself for what happened.  And all those wingtails… they looked at her like she was vermin and she didn’t understand why.  All of them except that one…  Ruby didn’t know her name but that wingtail was so kind, she would never forget that.





After almost an hour in the complete dark the group of them encountered a cliff-face which led directly down into another underground pool.  The runoff from the Abyss Lake above flowed into the subterranean basin to be filtered before finally leaving to flow down the Farwalker Gorge and eventually into the ocean.  There were tons of protruding rocks in the pool revealing that apart from the volumes of water passing through it was still shallow like the last one.  These ended up catching Chomper’s eye.

“Is it just me, or are those rocks down there moving?” mentioned the sharptooth in bewilderment.

Everyone else turned towards the source and looked closely over the edge, trying to make out the sight in the partial darkness.  Sure enough, the rocks were moving… at least some of them were.  There were living creatures down there.

“Well, you don’t see that every day,” commented Cera in disbelief.

Glide was suspicious, and sniffed the air testingly.

“Shell swimmers,” the black wingtail stated with a slight bit of contempt.

“Wow…they’re so pretty!” said Thylo in wonder as she gazed down at the sea turtles milling about their business.

Gentry snorted.

“Until one snaps at your toes for his next meal… nasty creatures they are.”

Strangely, that thought only made Thylo admire them even more.

The reality was that this cave was known by the Sea Turtles as Spring Cove, and it was where they would come to nest every year following the cold times.  They were migrating creatures by nature and seldom stayed in one place for long, continuing on their cycle from the Dawn Valley up the coast past the Mysterious Island and up the river into Spring Cove for the breeding season.  When summer came around, they would depart once more and set out for the warm seas where they belonged.

“They could be friendly,” suggested Ruby, “you would never know until you know from asking them.”

Cera silently debated on what to do next… to ignore them and carry on or to stop and ask for directions out of this blasted cave.

What would Littlefoot do?” thought Cera to herself.

After a moment of thought, Cera concluded that if anything, he would probably ask for the help just to make a new friend…

“Okay,” concluded Cera, “lets see if they know a way out of this cave… what’s the worst that can happen?”

“We get eaten…” mumbled Gentry, but nobody was close enough to hear it.

Before they reached the bottom of the path, Ruby jumped ahead and blocked the path bringing them all to a halt. She looked a little bit worried.

“I don’t know how to say this so it is said right, but Chomper I think you and umm…”

The black wingtail hadn’t introduced himself yet, so Ruby didn’t know his name.

“Glide,” muttered the black wingtail in annoyance, driven to an edge by the blisters on his feet.  Being a creature of the air, even one with his robust physique would struggle with having to spend so much time walking.

“Chomper, you and Glide should stay here.  We don’t want to scare them away.”

The young sharptooth looked disheartened, but agreed.

“Alright… just wave when you want us to come out.”

Without another word, Ruby and Cera, Thylo, and Gentry all rounded the bend to were the sea turtles had gathered.

“Hmm, some friends you have sharptooth,” commented Glide with displeasure as he crossed his arms, “Bah… wingtail kids would never be allowed to deal with racially sensitive matters like this in the Feral Forest.  Where are your parents?”

It was a rhetorical question for sure, since Chomper knew Glide had heard all about his parental situation back in the prison cave.  Now it was best to just sit back and wait, and hope for the best.





All eyes turned to the group of young dinosaurs as Ruby, Cera, Thylo and Gentry revealed themselves to the gathered sea turtles.  Most of them had been eating, talking with one another, playing, or even getting some sleep on a land that was thankfully free of natural predators.  There was at least a hundred hard-shells watching the group with mixed looks of either concern or curiosity.  Ruby, who had some experience being the centre of attention, decide to speak first.

“Hi,” she said nervously with a friendly wave, silently remembering the last time she was in the company of potentially dangerous creatures, “Me and my friends are lost, and we were hoping that you could help us become not lost anymore.”

There was a sea of whispers amongst the cavern.  After what seemed like a minute, one of the older turtles spoke out.

“Tell us strangers, how is it that you have come down upon us?”

“Well,” answered Cera, “we were pulled down here by the angry water and it somehow dropped us in this cave.  Listen, we are really tired and hungry and we just want to go home… do you know the way out?”

Again, there were more muddled whispers as the turtles discussed the matter amongst themselves.  Many of them seemed sympathetic, demonstrated by their frequent glances in the landwalkers’ direction.

“Very well,” answered the old one, “one of our own can guide you to the surface, provided there is one who is willing.”

“Kepsla can do it,” suggested another male from the other side of the cavern, “my son knows of the landwalkers and would be more then happy to assist.”

Kepsla groaned as his dad volunteered him for the unsavoury task.  Surely though, he had a good reason for sending him so the turtle obeyed.

“Yes dad.”

The shell swimmer slipped into the water, and swam underneath coming up right next to Ruby and clamouring onto the shore.  Nearby, Thylo had got into a bit of a splashing game with group of young turtles who looked nearly as happy to have found a new friend as the spiketail did.  It was distracted, and Gentry ended up getting splashed mutlitple times by accident.  He wasn’t too happy about it either.  As the business concluded, the gathered sea-turtles went back to their usual business and everything became much less awkward for the gang.

“Hi, I’m Kepsla,” said the young turtle, “follow me and I can lead you out.”

“Thank you Kepsla,” replied Ruby with a smile, before turning back towards the way they had came, “Chomper, Glide… it’s okay you can come out now!”

Unfortunately, the fastrunner didn’t even think about what was going to happen next, and as Glide and Chomper stepped into a beam of light from the cracks in the ceiling all hell broke loose.

“WINGTAIL!!!” shouted one of the turtles in alarm, before sucking back into his shell.

All around the room shell swimmers rapidly retreated into their shells, slipped into the water, or dove under the surface in panic.  Thylo’s new friends squeaked in fear and dove under the water to meet their parents.  Soon the entire place was silent, save for the spiketail’s giggling.

“Ha-ha, scaredy eggs scaredy eggs!” she taunted light heartedly.

Ruby’s mouth had opened in mid sentence, and now remained open in surprise.  She held a finger to her chin in puzzlement and concern.

“Oops.”



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The fight at the Sonicron had inflicted a heavy toll on the wingtails of the Feral Forest, and everywhere one looked they could see it.  As the day passed and the night came on the trees were full of cries of grief and anger.  Among the dead were mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers.  Like almost all birds wingtails had a song, but it was only during times of great emotional outpouring that they actually did sing.  The wingtail’s song ringed through the forest, so much that even the sharpteeth prowling the woods below noticed it and listened.

Cinceel and the two remaining elders were at the Elders’ tending to their wounds, along with a fair number of others who were injured.  The place had become something like a hospital, with all those who knew about health and aid gathered in a single location.  It was busy, but the three of them had managed to reserve a private corner as was their right as councillors.

“What are we to do Cinceel,” asked Theanol the green wingtail with concern, “Tenebron and the others are lost, and the forest floor is overrun with sharpteeth.”

The female elder ignored him for a moment, tending to other matters.

“That’s enough dear… I’m fine,” she said quietly to her daughter, who had been busy licking the bloody gash on her mother’s side.

As her daughter rubbed her nose briefly in affection and departed, the venomous elder addressed her compatriot’s question.

“We stand at a crossroads Theanol,” she said with a brief rustle of her wings, “now more then ever we need a strong leader to watch over us during these trying times.”

“Who do you have in mind?” asked the green wingtail expectantly, hoping he was the one.

Cinceel sighed… this was not an easy choice to make.  She turned towards a guard who had been watching them from a branch away.

“Find Eybron,” she commanded, “tell him he is needed in the Elders’ Tree at once.”

“As you wish,” the dark blue female replied, and she left to obey.

Theanol scowled his displeasure at the thought.

“I don’t like this at all… Eybron is unstable and I personally think that he is also –”

“We don’t have a choice Theanol,” interrupted Cinceel with authority, “he knows the most about our new enemy – from experience – and for all his flaws he is working for the best of our people.”

Having no alternative, Theanol nodded his head slightly in agreement.

He had a bad feeling that this decision was not going to end well… for any of them.



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Serris

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Prologue:

I like how you opened it up in the "present" with the "story time" element.

I absolutely LOVE this part:
Quote
The fourwing pointed far into the distance, where the Smoking Mountain was puffing the usual haze of ashen smoke into the air. Xavier gulped nervously... maybe the Smoking Mountain could do the same thing to them as the Black Mountain did to the Verdant Valley.

...

Xavier had a nightmare that night. He dreamt that he was playing with his friends, and then suddenly he was all alone. The sky turned a devilish red, and started to call out in fear trying to warn the Great Valley. The Smoking Mountain billowed and burned, and released massive cloud of fiery red ash. As he watched, the conflagration shaped itself into a face... an evil wingtail that he had imagined to be Eybron. In a booming voice, it laughed at him.

The transition from reality to nightmare was very well done.

The game of toss-the-seed added an interesting glimpse into the lives of the children and it made the chapter a little more varied.

The ending is pretty good and gives a nice transition to the "core" of the story.

Part I: Awakening

I like the imagery in the first paragraph. It adds an element of contrast; the relaxing atmosphere of the mud pools in the Great Valley contrasting with the dangerous atmosphere of being in an unknown area.

Admittedly, I found this part a little weird:

Quote
An image of Littlefoot popped up in her mind, instructing her on what to do next.

“You’re asking for help?” the longneck said cynically, “what kind of leader are you anyway?”

I have to admit, Ruby's "diplomatic incident" with the turtles added an element of humor to an otherwise dark chapter.

I like the ending of this chapter. I have a feeling that Eybron will make a bad situation even worse.

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Caustizer

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Quote from: Serris,Apr 26 2010 on  06:42 PM

Admittedly, I found this part a little weird:

Quote
An image of Littlefoot popped up in her mind, instructing her on what to do next.

“You’re asking for help?” the longneck said cynically, “what kind of leader are you anyway?”

 
I did as well... so I have removed it.  :angel

Sometimes I get carried away when I write these up and don't structure my ideas properly.


Sky

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Sweet! A new chapter is up!  :D
Hmm... Glide is softening a bit in this one and it seems the turtles are afraid of wingtails too...uh..wait, do wingtails eat turtles in your story?

And speaking of turtles, it's nice to see Kepsla again! :DD


Caustizer

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Quote from: Sky,Apr 28 2010 on  12:40 PM
Do wingtails eat turtles in your story?
 
Wingtails eat anything  :lol


Pangaea

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Sorry about the delay in reviewing this chapter. :oops I had some schoolwork that I urgently needed to complete, so I didn’t even have time to read this chapter until tonight. On the plus side, it gave me motivation to get the work done. :p

Didn’t Glide and Star’s parents die from being sucked into the Whirlpool? (Evidently they weren’t as lucky as the gang.) If so, maybe Glide should show some kind of (*struggles to find the right word, fails* :bang) emotion for having gone through the same experience and lived.

So glad to see a cameo by Kepsla! :DD (As I was reading the part where the shell swimmers are first introduced, I was thinking, “Ohh, I hope Kepsla shows up!”) I don’t suppose he recognizes Ruby? (He was, after all, the one who found her after she was washed down the river to the Dawn Valley in Rise of Storm Tide.)

I like it that Cera’s taking on a leaderly role of initiative and diplomacy. It shows character development on her part, and it’s a refreshing change from all the complaining and smart-alecky attempts to arouse other characters’ irritation that she’s been doing previously. :yes

I also felt a peculiar, unprecedented feeling of sympathy for Cinceel in the last part of this chapter. She’s previously come off as acid-tongued, callous, officious and generally unlikeable; here she has a much more tender (if brief) moment with her daughter, and also seems much more level-headed and reasonable, even if proposing Eybron as the wingtails’ new leader is a risky move whose outcome will probably prove consistent with Theanol’s intuition (though I’m guessing that none of the elders, not even Cinceel, are aware of just how awful Eybron really is).

By the way, about how many elders were there to begin with (before the sharptooth incident)?

Of course, I’m also wondering what’s going on with Sky, Ali, Petrie, Spike, Ducky, and Littlefoot, but I suppose we’ll check in with them in the next chapter, eh? I can’t wait! :smile

Nitpicking time! :p

Quote
Snapping back to life, she rose from where she had been laying and brushed back her frill, which was soaking wet.
Is Does “frill” refer to the crest on Ruby’s forehead, or the feathers behind it? Her crest is bony (with a possible covering of keratin), so it’s not the kind of thing that could be brushed back (unless she was simply brushing her hand over it) or soaked in the manner of hair (“dripping wet”, maybe), and if you were talking about the feathers on her head, you might as well use that description (or substitute “feathers” for “plumes”, if you prefer) to avoid confusion, since I think you already called her crest a “frill” in previous chapters.

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This place was probably * the most unique and awe inspiring sights ever conceived in the past world, and it was a direct result of the tailings of the Whirlpool.
Did you mean to say “one of the most...”? If so, you should insert those words here.*
Also, while I find the first part of the sentence to be very poetic, it’s a little strange sounding. As I understand it, “the past world” refers to the world above, outside the whirlpool, and the cave is so spectacular that it would be difficult to envision it if you had never seen it (like a vision of the afterlife or something). You might want to consider tweaking this sentence a little, specifically the “ever conceived” bit (to something like, “that could have ever been conceived”, “conceivable to those [in the past world]”, or simply “conceivable”).
Finally, this is something of a pedantic technicality, but “unique” means “one of a kind”; there are no degrees of uniqueness, so formally, you cannot call something “most unique”.

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The cavern was massive but well lit, and sparkled with an almost tropical glow that made it seem like they had dropped into a natural paradise.

Quote
The air, as well as the water in the cave-wide pool was warm and pleasing.
I think this comma should be removed, or otherwise an additional one should be added after “water” (which I personally think would slow down the sentence more).

Quote
Ruby had* over the past couple ** months* become a very important figure for Chomper, and in some ways he almost regarded her as a sister that he *** never had.
*Commas here.
**While people often leave it out in everyday spoken usage of this phrase, formally there should be an “of” here.
***I’m pretty sure you need a ”had” here.

Quote
“What about Cera,commented Ruby as her and Chomper separated, “and Thylo… are they both okay?”
The comma should be a question mark, and “her” should be “she”. Also, I think it would make more sense for “commented” to be “asked”.

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Chomper was getting really sick of all this dark, dank caves.
Should be “these”.

Quote
In truth Ruby’s mind was else ware, and she was thinking about far more serious things then a small argument. She thought about that evil wingtail, and how he had treated her so cruel the day before. He was mean and heartless, and thanks to her help he * wiped an entire valley off the face of the earth. She knew it wasn’t her fault, and yet she couldn’t help but blame herself for what * happened. And all those wingtails… they * looked at her like she was vermin and she didn’t understand why.
”Else ware” should be “elsewhere”, “then” should be “than”, and “cruel” should be “cruelly”.
*Insert “had”.

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“Okay,” concluded Cera, “lets see if they know a way out of this cave… what’s the worst that can happen?”
Should be “let’s”, with an apostrophe.

Quote
“Hmm, some friends you have* sharptooth,” commented Glide with displeasure as he crossed his arms,
*Comma.

Quote
There was at least a hundred hard-shells watching the group with mixed looks of either concern or curiosity. Ruby, who had some experience being the centre of attention, decided to speak first.
”Was” should be “were”, and “decide” should be “decided”. Also, just out of curiosity, did you deliberately call them “hard-shells” here instead of “shell swimmers”? It seems to me that the former could be a term for turtles in general, while the latter is specific to sea turtles. If this is what you had in mind, perhaps you could expand this part of the sentence to “of the (aquatic/flippered/swimming) hard-shells”, to imply the relationship of the two terms and show that it is not simply an example of inconsistent or alternative terminology, though this is in no way necessary.

Quote
Nearby, Thylo had got into a bit of a splashing game with group of young turtles* who looked nearly as happy to have found a new friend as the spiketail did. It was distracted, and Gentry ended up getting splashed mutlitple times by accident.
I’m a little unclear on the proper conjugation of “got”, since it is a word that my writing teachers always discouraged me from using, but I think in this instance it should be “gotten”. Also, “It was distracted” is confusing, as it’s not clear who or what “it” refers to, and why you are using “distracted”. Did you mean to say, “She was distracted” (referring to Thylo), or, “It was distracting” (referring to the game, for the other characters), or something else? (The first possiblity makes the most sense to me.) And “multiple” has a typo.
*Comma.

Quote
Surely* though, he had a good reason for sending him* so the turtle obeyed.
*I would write this sentence with commas in these places, but that might be just me.

Quote
As the business concluded, the gathered sea-turtles went back to their usual business and everything became much less awkward for the gang.
You use “business” twice here. I would suggest changing the first usage to “meeting”, “exchange”, “conversation”, or something of the like. Also, this is just an opinion, but seeing as you have already established the shell swimmers to be sea turtles, I think you might as well continue to refer to them by their LBT name, rather than alternating between terms.

Quote
“Ha-ha, scaredy eggs* scaredy eggs!” she taunted light heartedly.
*Comma.

Quote
The wingtail’s song ringed through the forest, so much that even the sharpteeth prowling the woods below noticed it and listened.
The apostrophe in ”wingtail’s” should be after the ës’, and I’m pretty sure “ringed” should be “rang”.

Quote
Cinceel and the two remaining elders were at the Elders’ tending to their wounds, along with a fair number of others who were injured.
The Elders’ what? :confused I think something’s missing here.

Quote
“What are we to do* Cinceel,” asked Theanol* the green wingtail* with concern, “Tenebron and the others are lost, and the forest floor is overrun with sharpteeth.”
This comma should be a question mark.
*Commas.

Quote
“We stand at a crossroads* Theanol,” she said with a brief rustle of her wings, “now more then ever we need a strong leader to watch over us during these trying times.”
Quote
“We don’t have a choice* Theanol,” interrupted Cinceel with authority, “he knows the most about our new enemy – from experience – and for all his flaws he is working for the best of our people.”
In the first quote, ”now” should probably be capitalized.
*Commas.



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.


Caustizer

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Didn’t Glide and Star’s parents die from being sucked into the Whirlpool? (Evidently they weren’t as lucky as the gang.) If so, maybe Glide should show some kind of (*struggles to find the right word, fails* :bang) emotion for having gone through the same experience and lived.

I hadn't forgot about this, but I wanted to cut down on the banter in this chapter in order to keep the plot moving forward.  Part of Glide's character is that he does not brood, but rather silently observes the moment watching for threats.  Much of the cynicism he uses is a shield to hide his true feelings, which up until this point has only really been broken once (when he first met the gang in he bottom of the cave).  Glide is very much like a 'bodyguard' in the sense that when he is tasked to protect someone (like Star from his uncle, or the gang from his sister) he takes it very seriously.

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So glad to see a cameo by Kepsla! :DD (As I was reading the part where the shell swimmers are first introduced, I was thinking, “Ohh, I hope Kepsla shows up!”) I don’t suppose he recognizes Ruby? (He was, after all, the one who found her after she was washed down the river to the Dawn Valley in Rise of Storm Tide.)

Kepsla has not yet had a chance to speak to the gang, so you'll have to wait to find out  :angel

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I also felt a peculiar, unprecedented feeling of sympathy for Cinceel in the last part of this chapter. She’s previously come off as acid-tongued, callous, officious and generally unlikeable; here she has a much more tender (if brief) moment with her daughter, and also seems much more level-headed and reasonable, even if proposing Eybron as the wingtails’ new leader is a risky move whose outcome will probably prove consistent with Theanol’s intuition (though I’m guessing that none of the elders, not even Cinceel, are aware of just how awful Eybron really is).

Cinceel has switched roles now from becoming the main opposition to suddenly being the one in power.  It was a shocking change for her, as she really enjoyed argueing and getting her opinion across but she didn't necessarily want any of the others dead.

Also, did you notice that Theanol is the same wingtail that did the FAH interviews?


Pangaea

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Quote from: Caustizer,Apr 30 2010 on  05:48 PM
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Didn’t Glide and Star’s parents die from being sucked into the Whirlpool? (Evidently they weren’t as lucky as the gang.) If so, maybe Glide should show some kind of (*struggles to find the right word, fails* :bang) emotion for having gone through the same experience and lived.
I hadn't forgot about this, but I wanted to cut down on the banter in this chapter in order to keep the plot moving forward.  Part of Glide's character is that he does not brood, but rather silently observes the moment watching for threats.  Much of the cynicism he uses is a shield to hide his true feelings, which up until this point has only really been broken once (when he first met the gang in he bottom of the cave).  Glide is very much like a 'bodyguard' in the sense that when he is tasked to protect someone (like Star from his uncle, or the gang from his sister) he takes it very seriously.
Well, not so much an open expression of emotion (i.e., one that is apparent to his companions), but maybe a short foray into his thoughts, like you do fairly often in this story to show the perspective of a certain character without any dialogue.

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Also, did you notice that Theanol is the same wingtail that did the FAH interviews?
I thought the name sounded familiar, but I completely forgot that it was the name of the FAH interviewer. :blink:



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.


Caustizer

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Just an update on Far Away Home.

There is so much I want to put into the story, as you all could see when I split the second act into two parts.  It could easily become five acts with all the plans I have, but alas I mean to finish this fan fic by the end of the summer so I must keep on track and not go shoving in unnecessary material.

Act IV parts will most likely be longer then their previous counterparts, but as a consiquence will take longer to make.  Part II is as of now almost half done.  There are at least three seperate pieces I need to put together into a single chapter, which has greatly increased its length and content.

In all likelyhood, it will be out around mid-next week but you never know... I could be inspired to finish it sooner  :lol

Without spoiling anything... you can all look forward to learning a bit more about the relationship between Prince Tyrus and Eybron at some point, and why such hated enemies might have reason to collaberate.

Caustizer.   :angel


Caustizer

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Surprise! The chapter is ready early, as I had some spare time.

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Part II: The Good and the Bad


Prince Tyrus was in a bad mood... not that he ever wasn't.  It seemed like more and more these days events were conspiring against him, and that there was some other mysterious force blocking him from achieving his ambitions.  As usual, the sharptooth took out his frustrations on his helpless prey - this time opting to break the neck of the swimmer he had caught and watch it bleed to death while he stood fuming in his thoughts.  As the swimmer tossed and turned about, bellowing in fear and pain as much as it could, Tyrus noted the strange satisfaction it gave him to torture such inferior animals.  It was his right to take life whenever and wherever he chose, and this pathetic empire of his father's creation went against that fact of nature.  Why should he rely on the works of 'trained' hunters and the scavengers who killed the weekly levy of each valley in Tyron's control when he was perfectly capable of feeding himself, without the need for others?  He was young, strong, and ready to take on any stubborn beast that got in his way... but recently that had only been his cowardly uncle Tharon, and through him his father.  Someday, he made up his mind, he was going to kill them both and take over the empire for himself... and when he did he would purge all the weaklings that had been picking off the great corpse.  Yes, if he was in charge everything would be different.

The sharptooth prince was hunting in the Coidal Springs, finding the locale to be both desirable for hunting unsuspecting dinosaurs as well as being highly unsettling to his temper.  Geysers and hot pools lurked everywhere, and although he had been lucky enough to pluck the now dying swimmer from a plot of sinking sand the next victim could very well be him.  Not only that, but the old burns on his face were starting to scar and every time one of the strange fountains burst he felt a fresh pang of anger and bloodlust.  Finally, he tired of the swimmer's moans and executed it swiftly with a slash to the already broken neck.  Within moments he begun to consume his prey and sate his hunger.

Very recently Tharon and his pack, along with Tyrus who had chosen to follow from a distance in his own fashion, had been ordered to move out to the Feral Forest under the Tyrant King's command.  Apparently, the wingtails were about to become a serious problem for the sharptooth and his domain and they needed to be dealt with quickly and brutally.  Tyrus had, through the royal grape vine, heard that the vile birds actually had some sort of 'weapon' apart from their teeth and claws that his father was worried about.  This had caught the prince's interest very keenly, and nearly four nights ago he had a meeting with a wingtail almost as vicious as himself, and the encounter had been anything but jolly...

...

Tharon and his pack of nearly forty lesser sharpteeth had nearly finished their scouting of the Feral Forest, and were accessing its viability as one of Tyron's new domains.   From a sharptooth perspective 'assessing' meant to look around for prey that could be bullied into meek surrender, which certainly wasn't the case here.  The forest was almost completely dominated by the wingtails – massive flyers that could challenge a fast biter one on one –  and they lived up in the trees far out of reach of any conventional attack.  Not only that but they were quite intelligent and the field scouts were reporting that they themselves were being watched by a specific group of wingtails, which seemed to be based on top of a hill in the upper part of the forest.  Any attempts to enter this place were met by shocking force, and even the preternaturally strong Stalkers had to humiliatingly run for their lives.

The Feral Forest was a puzzle unlike anything had Tharon had ever faced before, so he opted on the side of caution and instructed those under him to watch and wait, and to prey on any wingtails they could while they waited for a vulnerability to exploit.  Tyrus had grown tired of the senseless siege, and trekked down to the lake to get a drink.  Nobody dared follow him, as the last fastbiter Tharon had assigned to do so had met a bloody, violent death on the end of the prince's clawed foot.

"One would question your loyalty and devotion to the cause," commented the annoying sharpbeak Macaw as he swirled overhead, just out of reach of Tyrus' jaws.

"You mock me?" snarled Tyrus with more then a hint of rage.

"Of course not my prince," the flyer corrected slyly, "but one of any intelligence would see that you don't approve of your father's demands."

Tyrus growled in displeasure as he continued to make his way down to the Abyss Lake.

"Possibly, but what's it to you hatchling slasher?"

Macaw cringed at the insult.  Sharpbeaks were sometimes called 'hatchling slashers' to reflect the fact that their ideal prey was eggs and small babies.  They were almost universally hated for this, and apart from the few like him that served Tyron they were outcasts.

"Let's just say that whatever you are planning young prince, you can count on my assistance."

Tyrus flicked his nostrils in surprise.  He could see what was going on here.

"Well, when you go back to my father and tell him everything you hear you can tell him to execute and consume every last one of you sharpbeaks for your deception."

"No," Macaw squawked in fear, "I trying to get in favor with the next in line for the throne, which is you.  I am thinking about my future as well as your own."

Tyrus stopped walking and turned to face the sharpbeak.

"You know something I don't?" the prince inquired, but it was more of a 'tell me or else' statement.

"Your father is sick my prince... he is dying."

The sharptooth prince experienced a burst of excitement from the news... a feeling he hadn't felt for a long time.  Perhaps his time as a servant was finally nearing its end.

"Wingtails," squawked Macaw in alarm, "on the lake!"

Tyrus put the thought aside momentarily and turned towards the water which was a short distance away.  Wingtails only hunted at two times during the day from Tharon's information, and that was early in the morning and mid-afternoon just after the great circle peaked in the sky.  It was almost night time now, so seeing one hunting was quite unusual.

"Only one..." corrected Tyrus as the solo wingtail landed on the shore with his freshly caught water swimmer, "easy prey."

Without another word the massive sharptooth stomped forward towards the shore, charging his attack.  Macaw followed nervously behind, as wingtails were one of the few creatures that actually scared him on account of their dominance of the sky.  Should he be attacked by more then one of them, there would be nowhere to run.

Tyrus made no attempt to conceal himself as he thundered towards the wingtail, who calmly picked away at his catch.  As the sharptooth got no less than twenty metres away, the large flyer stood up to his full height and glared at him.  As a seasoned hunter, Tyrus could tell that there was no fear in those eyes… this wingtail that was less then a tenth his size was going to put up a strong fight.  The sharptooth liked a challenge, and with a vicious roar he charged and struck at the rocks with his teeth.  Unsurprisingly, the wingtail took to the air and screeched at him, circling low above.  Tyrus knew this would happen and leaped into the air, snapping at the white wingtail with his jaws.  The flyer dropped down swiftly to meet him, and went directly for his eyes… slashing just above his cheek.  It stung, and as Tyrus landed on his feet again with a boom he glanced up at the wingtail in rage.  The vile bird was still circling above, and looked to be coming in for another attack.  This wingtail was certainly a stubborn creature, and the fact that he couldn’t reach it to attack was getting on his nerves.  With a snarl, he leaped up into the air again and the fight continued.

Eybron and Tyrus fought in upwards of ten minutes, neither one willing to give an inch.  It was a complete stalemate, with the white wingtail barely able to hurt the massive sharptooth while the prince continued to miss as he tried to place the killing blow.  Eventually Eybron settled into a tree, panting hard as he caught his breath.  In the clearing by the lake below, Tyrus was equally tired and hunched over slightly as his nostrils thundered with incoming and outgoing air.

“Slasher,” snarled Tyrus, “get down here and speak for me!”

The sharpbeak obeyed.

“You fight like a sharptooth wingtail,” commented Tyrus, “you are indeed a worthy opponent.”

“I make sure to train,” breathed Eybron, “so when I finally meet a sharptooth, I can kill him.”

“Hah, you and your puny ilk don’t stand a change against the might of my father, Tyron.”

Eybron brought his hands together and tapped the ends of his fingers in rapid succession, as if he had struck a glorious note.

“Ah if it isn’t little Prince Tyrus… you’ve grown up quite a bit since we last met.”
Tyrus’ eyes narrowed slightly.

“How do you know me wingtail… when have we ever…”

“I’m sure you remember who I am… unless you had forgotten this…”

Eybron slipped a small object out from underneath his wing and held it up towards the moonlight.  Tyrus could make out its shape, and he was indeed familiar with it… it was the Occular!

“You’re the thief,” snarled Tyrus, “the one who stole it from me and my father!”

“One and the same,” confirmed Eybron with a sly smile, “I see you inherited your father’s intelligence.”

“When I get to you, you’ll eat those words wingtail.”

The white wingtail frowned, and slipped the Occular back into his wing.

“Let’s not be so hasty… though we have our differences, I believe we can ultimately serve one another.”

“Serve?” repeated Tyrus, “your squawking is not making any sense.”

“Simple,” replied Eybron as be began to casually inspect his nails, “we both need something the other possesses, and should we come to a deal we would both benefit.”

Tyrus bared his front teeth slightly.

“Explain.”

“I’ve been watching you young prince,” started Eybron, “and I can see that you intend to rule for yourself… no sharptooth of such status could remain subordinated for long.  I also see what a certain wingtail has done to your complexion, which is a wound that runs far deeper then anything I have ever done.”

The sharptooth prince growled slightly and looked away towards the lake, where he could see his own reflection and how it had changed.  Perhaps this wingtail spoke some truth.

“So, what are you implying flyer?”

Eybron stopped inspecting his fingers, and turned towards the sharptooth with a dominating expression on his face.  In any other situation, Tyrus would have taken it as a challenge and attacked.

“I have the means to do two things for you… on first wing, I can stamp out the one ëSky’ who is responsible for your… tragedy… and on the second I can remove your father and family to make way for the next generation.”

It was devious, but quite appealing to Tyrus at that moment.  After all, that was two out of his three major goals solved.  There had to be a catch.

“And in return?” snarled the sharptooth prince.

“You will forfeit your claim over the Occular,” answered Eybron with authority, “and provide me with Sky’s current location so I might enact our ëpunishment’.”

“What makes you think I know where he is wingtail?”

“I happen to know that either you or the agents of your father are tracking him at the moment, and I’m sure all it would take is a word for you to get your claws on that information.”

It was true, admitted Tyrus grudgingly to himself.  With but a word, he could check up amongst the sharpbeak messengers on Redgar’s location.  The fastbiter had been tracking Sky as part of something his father was doing, but the prince had never asked what.  All that mattered to him was that his command of the pack was terminated, and that infuriated him.  Now, he could strike back through an unlikely ally.

“Alright flyer,” agreed Tyrus with a bit of spite, “we have a deal.”

Eybron smiled gloweringly… it was a face of intellectual victory.  The sharptooth prince knew enough about sharptooth politics (or whatever primitive form passed for it) to see it was an untrustworthy expression.

“Tell me, how do you plan to kill my father?  You are but a single flyer against the might of an army.”

“When dawn breaks,” answered the wingtail ominously as he spread his wings to take flight, “it will come from the sky.”

Tyrus had no idea what that meant, nor did he care.  If all went well, soon he would be on top of the world and nobody would be able to deny him his rightful place as ruler of the land.


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The bubbling moan of a dead land covered the landscape and echoed amongst the molten rock and superheated mud that slowly cooled in the glow of a blackened sun.  Everywhere ran the ominous, choking smell of volcanic ash and sulfur and apart from the flowing wind there was no warmth or comfort to be found here.  The rocky wasteland of the Steppes had been irreversibly changed into a toxic charnel of death and despair, not unlike the Valley of the Mists the group passed through so long ago.  The sky was a mixture of blackish-grey clouds and a fiery red glow as dawn broke.  The conical spire in which the gang had taken refuge had been melted down to nearly half its previous size by the pyroclastic current, and no life stirred here at all apart from one tiny disturbance.
A rock on the side of the spire facing away from the volcano bulged slightly and then fell from its place, tumbling down the cliffside briefly before coming to a halt down below. Out of the now empty rock face emerged the head and body of a sooty and tired spiketail.

“Look, Spike made us a way out,” proclaimed Ducky, “he did, he did.”

One by one the entire group pushed their way through the small opening and into the outside.  First was Spike, followed by Ducky, Ali, Littlefoot with Petrie on his back, and finally Sky.  Every one of them looked dirty and bruised especially Petrie who was cradling one of his wings, which appeared to be broken.  Sky was so covered in black, dusty ash that he could have been mistaken for Glide in different circumstances.  Once the children had all gotten out of the way, the blue wingtail flapped his wings and shook vigorously to get all the dirt off his feathers.

“Well, that was certainly an adventure,” stated Sky with a bit of amusement, “albight one I do not wish to repeat.”

Littlefoot turned and shot him a dirty look, before glancing with concern at the flyer on his back.

“Petrie, are you alright?”

“Ooo… me hurting so much,” the flyer replied, holding his broken wing tightly.

“It’s okay… we’re going home now,” the longneck said, “come on guys… let’s go.”

“But Littlefoot, we do not know the way, no no no,” said Ducky sadly, “the sky fire changed everything.”

“We will find a way,” replied Littlefoot defiantly, “just like we always have…”
Sky opened his mouth to speak.

“…without you!”

A dark cloud came over the group like a shadow of things to come.  Dissent was in the air.

“We are far from home, farther then we ever ever have been,” mentioned Ducky, “Sky knows the way, he can show us.”

Spike nodded his head in agreement.

“Fine,” shot Littlefoot in anger, “then you can stay here and die with him!”

Ducky gasped, and Spike growled.  This was so unlike Littlefoot, their best friend, to talk to them this way. Sky looked sad at the confrontation, but did not say a word.

“Come on Ali, it’s time to go home,” asserted Littlefoot, but with a note of caring.
Ali stopped licking the dirt of her skin, and glanced sorrowfully back and forth between Sky and Littlefoot.  She had a choice to make.

“Okay,” she said in submission, and she made to follow her friend.

Without another word, the two longnecks left.  Having no choice but to stay on Littlefoot’s back for fear of further damaging his wing, Petrie could do nothing but simply go along for the ride.  He wanted to believe that Sky was working for the best of them, but everything that had happened recently had really hurt his impression of the great flyer.  He had suffered the same way once, back when his uncle had done bad things and gotten in trouble with the adults, and from the looks of things it had happened again.  Why were the other flyers so mean? The answer he did not know… maybe Littlefoot and the others were meant to be his only true friends.

Nobody said anything until Littlefoot, Ali and Petrie were out of earshot.  The atmosphere was so gloomy it was like the unspoken pact between all of them had died along with everything else in this desolate land.  Sky sighed and sat down on a rock, resting his head on one of his hands in depressed thought.  He had started the journey with eight children under his care, and now he had failed six of them - only two remained.  He had tried so hard to keep them safe, and to keep at bay the sharpteeth that had been hounding them the entire journey but in the end none of it had worked.  He didn’t deserve to be the guardian of these children, and he certainly didn’t deserve to be a father.  Perhaps the children and even his beloved Star would be better off if he was just a set of bones on the ground, stripped of all burdens and significance.  Maybe his hatchlings would grow up away from his mistakes, and make a better life of their own – it was the least he could do.

Spike trotted up to Sky, and hummed at him in inquiry.  Sky wasn’t in the mood to answer, though the sweeping motion of his tail betrayed his feelings of sadness and regret.  Much to the blue wingtail’s surprise, Spike nuzzled his hand and licked one of his fingers.

“Do not be sad,” said Ducky with assurance, “Littlefoot is very hurted inside… he has suffered very much more then any of us.  Once he calms down and turns nice again, he will realize how much he needs you… how much we all need-did you.”

It was a shockingly mature thing to say for one so small, but Sky wasn’t convinced.

“What does it matter… you children would have been much better off if you never met me at all…”

Ducky jumped up on a rock directly in front of where Sky was sitting, and standing on it she was almost as tall as he was a few feet away.

“Oh no… remember when you save-ed us in the Land of the Mists?”

“That was pure chance,” answered Sky, “if it hadn’t made such a loud noise, then…”

“What about when you pulled Petrie out of the nasty bush… he talks about it so much.”

“It was nothing you kids couldn’t have done on your own,” insisted Sky with embarrassment.

Ducky was nearly yelling now, and demonstrating her points with wide sweeps of her arms.

“And then the sharptooth… if you hadn’t stopped him he would have eat-ed us for sure!”

“I got lucky,” countered Sky, though he looked a bit better, “if that shooting water hadn’t gone off when it did…”

“You rescued my friends from the sharpteeth in the forest, and even saved-did that mean wingtail who kept trying to hurted us!”

“Well… maybe… I…” stammered Sky.

The swimmer was right… he had done many mighty things.  Perhaps, he was more of a hero then he thought he was.  Spike started rubbing the wingtail’s hand with his nose, and Sky scratched briefly under his chin.  It was enough to make the teacher smile.

“Spike likes you, and he is a good friend knower… he is,” added Ducky.

“Alright,” proclaimed Sky as he stood up, “thank you for your help Ducky… from here on I swear that I will get all of you children back together again, and return you home to the valley you belong.”

Ducky beamed at the announcement.

“But first, we will need to catch up with Littlefoot and the others,” stated the blue wingtail.

“Yay, we’re going home to the Great Valley!” Ducky shouted, and Spike looked equally excited.

“Let’s not be too hasty,” lectured Sky with a wag of his finger, “there are many dangers here in this burning wasteland, so we will need to hurry.”

Driven by the wind of inspiration, the wingtail, swimmer and the spiketail set out at last on their quest to make things right, and turn around all the misfortunes that had fallen their way.  Their time was now, and nothing short of another volcano could slow them down.


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 Littlefoot and Ali walked for nearly fifteen minutes, neither one of them bothering to say a word.  With Sky and the sharpteeth out of the way, the environment was their greatest enemy now and it seemed to drag them down wherever they stepped.  There was burning ash and lava everywhere, and one false move could result in severe burns and even losing a limb.  The two longnecks trudged forward at a breakneck pace, and Ali was starting to fall behind.

“Wait up Littlefoot,” she said desperately as she tried to catch her breath.

The longneck ahead of her stopped, and after a minute or two she had caught up.

“I’m so tired,” she complained, “it’s so hot… and I’m thirsty.”

But Littlefoot wasn’t listening, as he was busy watching an unmoving dark shape on the ground ahead of them.

“What is it?” asked Ali with concern.

“I think it’s a sharptooth,” stated Littlefoot with uncertainty.

Petrie started shaking, and slipped off his friend’s back onto the ground.
“We stay away… very far away,” the flyer insisted in fear.

The fast biter was almost completely black, his skin almost completely burned away by the searing heat.  Redgar had been lucky, as he was just quick enough to reach the small gully to be shielded from the worst of the pyroclastic cloud.  As for where the rest of his pack was, there was no trace… the heat must have incinerated them.  Soon it wouldn’t matter though, because he was dying and he knew it.  A fresh, new scent hit his nostrils and he opened his eyes just in time to see two young longnecks only a short distance away.  He tried to get up and give chase, but his body wasn’t responding… all he felt was pain.

“He looks really hurt,” commented Ali with concern, “maybe we should help him?”

The injured sharptooth growled at them and showed his teeth.

“Alright,” answered Littlefoot, and the longneck carefully stepped forward, “we’ll give him all the help he deserves.”

Suddenly and completely unexpectedly Littlefoot roared at the sharptooth and dashed forward, connecting his foot with the side of Redgar’s head.  The fastbiter snarled weakly, before giving up trying to fight back altogether.

“You think you can hunt us down and get away with it?” shouted Littlefoot as he drove his foot into Redgar’s neck again, “…you killed my mother!"

The longneck beat on the fastbiter relentlessly, so much that Ali couldn’t watch.

“… You killed my father!”

Redgar bleeding now from the freshly opened wounds.

“You are responsible for every bad thing that has ever happened to me… EVERYTHING!”

The episode was so dramatic, and so brutal that Ali started to cry.  It was just too much to bear.  Petrie just stared, like he was seeing his friend in a way he had never seen him before.  Littlefoot was acting like a sharptooth himself.

At last the longneck decided to finish it and reared up, driving both of his front feet onto Redgar’s skull.  It wasn’t enough to break it, but it knocked him out cold on the spot.  He would never wake up.

“There,” said Littlefoot as he turned back to his friends and wiped the blood off his feet on the rocky ground, “we put him out of his misery.”

Ali was crying openly now, hanging her head low.

“What?” asked Littlefoot harshly, “he deserved it!”

“…Nothing deserved that,” whispered Ali.

All at once, the male longneck realized what he had done.  He rushed forward and rubbed the side of her head affectionately.  He expected her to back away, but she didn’t.

“I’m so sorry Ali,” he whispered.

The two of them embraced for what seemed like a whole minute, before they finally parted.  Ali sat down and wiped away the water from her eyes.  For the first time Littlefoot turned to address Petrie, who had born witness to the whole thing.

“Sorry about that Petrie, I just don’t know… what came over me.”

Petrie frowned, and rubbed his sore wing nervously.

“Me think… me want to go home.”

“Yeah,” said Littlefoot with a bit of guilt, “me too.”

Before they continued onward, the longneck took one last look up at the sky where the great circle should have been.  Instead, there was a blackish-grey ball illuminating the brackish sky with a fog-like haze of light.  For the rest of his life he wouldn’t forget it… nor what he forget what happened here.  It was the day that, for a single moment, he had gone from the good to the bad and killed another living being.  He knew that if she was still alive, his mother would never forgive him.

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Sky

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Never thought it'll come THIS early! :^.^:

Nice and very interesting chapter. A refreshing view of the bad guys. :yes
It was quite an interesting view of Littlefoot being really fierce. Never thought to see him like this...

A very enjoyable chapter as always.   :)


Pangaea

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Whoa . . . Pretty grim chapter. :o Excellent work establishing a “low” point in the story (equivalent to the gang’s separation following Littlefoot and Cera’s fight in the first movie).

Good work making Tyrus even more villainous. I’d previously thought he’d seemed kind of tame compared to Eybron, the Stalkers, and (implicitly) Tyron. Seeing him take satisfaction in watching his prey suffer really pushed him over the threshold of irrevocable immorality most of the other villains had already crossed. (Although, if he had broken the swimmer’s neck, wouldn’t it have been unable to thrash around afterwards? Or are they intended to be something like the death spasms of a beheaded chicken?)

Poor Petrie :( . . . Looks like he’s not going to save the day with his flying skills anytime soon. I hope he still gets a big moment of his own at some point.

I might be more generous (for lack of a better word) than some in regards to atypical character behavior, but I think I could just barely envision Littlefoot acting the way he did in this chapter if he was a little older than in the films (as he is in this story) and extremely agitated and distraught. Telling his friends that they can die with Sky might be stretching it, though. He’s walked off saying, “who needs friends anyway?” before, and leaving them without a word, but I can’t imagine him saying something like that.

EDIT: Just in case that didn’t come out quite right, Littlefoot’s behavior in this chapter definitely came as a shock to me, and it certainly goes beyond anything I would normally expect of him, but I don’t think it is totally without precedent (Littlefoot effectively abandoning the others when they suggest taking a different route to the Great Valley in the first movie, and later coming up with the plan to kill Sharptooth) or impossibly out-of-character for him.

Great to finally see Ducky get a moment in the spotlight. (I hope it won’t be the only time.) Having her provide moral support and keep the group together is a great way to involve her in the story. :yes

The two things in this chapter that bamboozled me a little (NOT that I want out-of-story explanations for them) are Macaw’s statement that Tyron is dying, and the fact that Sky is evidently taking the gang back to the Great Valley. Is the Tyrant King going to be almost dead before we even see him? And has Sky given up on his intended business up north? (I’m still unclear on exactly what it his reason for returning home was; don’t tell me unless it’s already been revealed.)

Okey-dokes . . . corrections:

Quote
The sharptooth prince was hunting in the Coidal Springs, finding the locale to be both desirable for hunting unsuspecting dinosaurs as well as being highly unsettling to his temper.
Either delete “both” or change “as well as being” to “and”. Also, I’m not certain, but it is possible that “to” should be “for”.

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"Possibly, but what's it to you* hatchling slasher?"
*Comma.

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"Well, when you go back to my father and tell him everything you hear* you can tell him to execute and consume every last one of you sharpbeaks for your deception."
*Comma.

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"No," Macaw squawked in fear, "I * trying to get in favor with the next in line for the throne, which is you. I am thinking about my future as well as your own."
*Insert “am” (unless Macaw’s language slips into “Petrieish” when he is frightened :p).

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Should he be attacked by more then one of them, there would be nowhere to run.
Considering that, as a sharpbeak, Macaw’s preferred mode of escape is probably flying, not running, I think you should change this to “flee”.

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“How do you know me* wingtail**when have we ever…**
I think “when” should be capitalized.
*Comma.
**Question marks. (In the second instance, it should go after the ellipsis, to indicate an unfinished question.)

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“What makes you think I know where he is* wingtail?”
*Comma.

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First was Spike, followed by Ducky, Ali, Littlefoot with Petrie on his back, and finally Sky. Every one of them looked dirty and bruised* especially Petrie* who was cradling one of his wings, which appeared to be broken.
*Commas.

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“Do not be sad,” said Ducky with assurance, “Littlefoot is very hurted inside… he has suffered very much more then any of us. Once he calms down and turns nice again, he will realize how much he needs you… how much we all need-did you.”
If “need-did” is supposed to be past tense (“needed”), then Ducky’s grammar is correct here. If it is present tense (“need”), then Ducky wouldn’t add the ungrammatical suffix. Also, not a mistake, but you do have the option of changing “suffered” to “suffered-ed”.

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It was a shockingly mature thing to say for one so small, but Sky wasn’t convinced.
Considering that size can easily be age-independent, and doesn’t necessarily have a bearing on maturity, perhaps “young” would be a more appropriate word choice.

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“What does it matter*… you children would have been much better off if you never met me at all…”
*Question mark.

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“You rescued my friends from the sharpteeth in the forest, and even saved-did that mean wingtail who kept trying to hurted us!”
Personally, I would spell this “saved-ed”.

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“Wait up* Littlefoot,” she said desperately as she tried to catch her breath.
*Comma.

EDIT:
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Redgar * bleeding now from the freshly opened wounds.
*Insert “was”.

Again I apologize for taking so long with this review. Life interferes, y’know? :rolleyes: I’ll be sure to be more prompt with reviewing the next chapter.



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.


Caustizer

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For my reviewers, I have an important query regarding an event in the next Part but I do not wish to spoil it by posting it here.  If you would like to help by offering your opinion or perhaps give a suggestion of your own, then please send me a Personal Message so I can elaborate.

I've been writers blocked for over a week with this, and though I have the rest of the story well planned out this particular segment was one I had known was going to be difficult.

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Caustizer

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The Far Away Home marathon is nearly upon us!  Sometime in the next two months I will be posting two or three chapters in a row, as a reward for those of you who continue to review week after week. :celebrate

I am well aware that this will bring the story to a close quicker, but I have plans to continue writing and some ideas for a sequal have formed in my head.  :angel

Keep reading and posting your opinions!  I want to hear from everyone who is following the story, both on positive and negitive points.  :smile

As for Part III, it should be up prior to or during this coming weekend.

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What? WHAT!? A sequel!?  :blink: :wow :celebrate
That is such AWESOME news!  :lol: I can't wait for the next chapter to be up!  :DD


Pangaea

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In a row? Meaning how much time between posts? A day? A few hours? A few seconds?

That's a lot of writing to do, too. Are you planning to write 2–3 chapters and post them all at once, then write another 2–3 chapters and repeat, or post each chapter as soon as you finish it, while writing chapters at an extremely rapid pace?

Personally, I don't mind waiting a day or two between chapters. In fact, I think I'd prefer to have the excitement of reading the story prolonged and intensified by being given time for anticipation to build. That would be a better reward for me (not that I need one; reading and reviewing a story this awesome is its own reward :smile) than having a bunch of chapters posted in front of me all at once. Unless part of the reason for the rapid-fire posting is that so many plot twists and revelations will be occurring at such a fast rate that the only reason to have breaking points will be to prevent chapters from being unreasonably long, or to deny us time to ponder the events of each chapter and guess what happens next. :p

By the way, great to hear that there'll be a sequel! :DD It means I won't be out of work once this story is over. :P:



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.