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rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #80 on: June 11, 2019, 04:43:15 PM »
Thanks for the reviews, everyone!

Anagnos: Indeed, the valley is having the classic argument between isolationism and interventionism. This debate, already complicated in our time due to multiple instances in history where either option would have been preferable to the other, is further complicated by the role of the pack. They are both heroes for their past actions and accomplices to the killers of some of the valley's own. In the end the valley's decision of neutrality is probably better than some of the other options.

As for the slower pace that was noticed by me as well. Though this chapter and the last one were slower-paced, I do hope that everyone enjoys the payoff for this deliberate slow development in the chapters to come. With so many factions and character arcs to arrange in an organic way, a slower pace from time to time is the price that is often paid.

Thank you for your recent reviews and kind words. (: I hope that you enjoy the latest installment.

Sovereign: You are quite right in your suspicions about the last chapter being the calm before the storm. Although this new chapter did not really have much action in terms of battles and such, I think it is kind of obvious that the new events here will directly lead to the unleashing of new hostilities. The events in the valley during the last chapter is kind of an echo of what happened here, though with an opposite effect. The valley and the fastbiters, due to their differing mindsets and ways of life, were almost equally unanimous for opposite decisions.

I am also pleased that you liked the Datum-Orchid conversation. I had intended for Datum to be a bit different than his father in terms of his manner of preventing cultural contamination. Despite the younger rainbowface being a bit more loose with what he reveals through his words, he is actually a bit more strict in keeping some of their important secrets confidential. Only time will tell, however, as the generations go on if the rainbowface line will be able to prevent future instances of "cultural contamination". That being said, new cultural contamination will not be a thing in this story. So you don't need to worry about Datum showing people how to make bows and arrows or anything like that. :p

Thank you for the kind words and the in-depth review. (: I hope that you enjoy the final act as it slowly develops over the months and (considering the slow update schedule) years to come.


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #81 on: June 11, 2019, 04:45:53 PM »
Chapter 29: The New Alliance

The meeting of the fastbiters enters full swing as old allies meet in the shadow of the looming war. Though some have already experienced the terrors of battle, for others the war provides opportunities for earning a pack name and reputation.  All the while the packs must confront what this war may do to them and their leaders.


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

Anagnos

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #82 on: June 12, 2019, 03:32:33 AM »
I’d say that this chapter would be very fitting to the phrase, the calm before the storm. We witness the meeting between the fastbiter packs, their plan to engage Wrok and get some payback while at it for all the horrible things done to them. Personally, what I liked the most about this chapter was the gathering of different fastbiter packs as we have yet to see something quite like this. It was rather interesting to explore all the different dynamics of these packs in this way. I’d imagine that even if a majority (if not even all of them) highly respect Seeker and even maybe fear him little for the strict reputation he and his pack have achieved not only with Red Claw and Calin’s demises and the circumstances that led to those particular deaths, but with their recent actions as well over the years. I’m certainly not saying that they cannot be hospitable when the situation calls for such action. We have to remember that in a world like this you have to always be on your guard. Even when in presence of supposed allies.

Things in the Mysterious Beyond are seemingly escalating into a more of a critical direction every day and I doubt that Wrok will be satisfied with what he has already claimed as his own. Then of course we have Questor too, while he is not the biggest threat (at least yet) I do not see him staying on the sidelines for long anymore. I belive that the previous chapter gave clear implications that whatever he is planning currently will no doubt cause more pain and misery to everyone who have chosen to join this fight. I could see that the fastbiters and hidden runners would make a temporary alliance with each other to fight their common foe. And Wrok would more than likely create even more likely enemies with his assaults against others.

The approaching battle will determine who lives and who dies. Naturally, not everyone is going to survive the coming ordeal, so it only reinforces that everyone must do their very best in order to survive and fight another day. One battle isn’t going to mean the end of the, dare I say, war. But the first battle will set the groundwork for the future engagements.

This was a very interesting chapter indeed. As I have said previously, good things are worth waiting for and I believe I am not the only one when I say that no matter how long it might take for the next chapter to be finished, the outcome will no doubt be outstanding. I hope this review actually made sense, because I like to go in-depth with my input as much as I possibly can. I will be looking forward for the following chapters very much so. Once again, nicely done! :)

Sovereign

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #83 on: June 13, 2019, 03:16:28 PM »
Yep, it’s quite clear this story has moved into its next phase as the time for confrontation is quickly approaching. I was rather taken aback by the swift jump into this part as I hadn’t expected things to escalate this quickly even if it shouldn’t have been surprising after the latest events. This chapter laid a quite nice tone for what is to come even if it itself was quite heavy on dialogue and it mostly set the stage for what’s to come which isn’t a bad idea for the first chapter of an act.

In many ways, we saw many of the former plotlines come together here and it’s quite nice to see the characters finally reunite with each other before those momentous events. The dialogue itself worked very nicely here and it’s clear that the characters are ready to united behind one cause. Even then, I couldn’t help but smile a little at the thought of Littlefoot acting as the leader of united sharptooth packs. Now there’s a sight we don’t see every day. And it seems that some of his new followers realize the absurdity of it as well by reminding each other of his old name. :p

It was great to see the characters prepare for the inevitable in their own ways and the calm before the storm, as Anagnos put it, hangs heavily upon our protagonists. I just hope all of them, especially Littlefoot, are up to the challenge as there will be many decisive events in the sight soon enough. I must say that this chapter felt a bit long for the relatively few events in it but it’s of course clear that there is need for a proper buildup for the next installments.

Even then, I’m sure there will be many surprises on the way as it’s highly doubtful that there will be one or two battles and that’s that. I’ll look forward to seeing what will happen after those skirmishes as it’s more than clear Wrok and Questor won’t be helpless before this assault. Overall, this was a good opening for the new act. :smile



rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #84 on: August 06, 2019, 08:01:17 PM »
@Anagnos  You are quite right about your thoughts on the last chapter. Though the storm might not have struck yet in the form of a battle, the rainbowfaces have now been ambushed and skirmishes are breaking out at the site of the coming battle. All the while each faction is pursuing its own interests without a full appreciation of the larger picture. Thus we are left with a situation where the path to hell is paved in good intentions. Rest assured that the action will continue in the next chapter. (:

@Sovereign Thank you for the detailed review as always. I have already addressed some of what was said in Anagnos's review, but I will confirm that this act is going to be quite a bit more involved than a few battles. In fact it is looking like there might be another 16 or so chapters coming in this mammoth act. I just hope that it will not take us 3 years to finish it all. :p

As for the slowness of the previous chapter, that was partially by design. There are numerous side characters that needed to be named and characterized and the events of the previous chapter provided a convenient opportunity to do so. The general slow down also provided a nice opportunity to reset the pace going into the coming cataclysm. The beginning elements of which are being presented at the end of this chapter.


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #85 on: August 06, 2019, 08:01:27 PM »
Chapter 30: Hidden Skirmishes

The storm clouds finally begin to crack with the deafening reports of thunder. As Seeker's makeshift army travels to distant lands, the hidden runners and the denizens of the Mysterious Beyond await with excitement and concern for the coming escalation in the bloody conflict. All the while, schemes are at work behind the scenes. Though such hidden skirmishes may yet be unseen they will have repercussions all the same.


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

Anagnos

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #86 on: August 07, 2019, 11:23:53 AM »
You definitely weren’t lying when you said that this chapter would feature some of that sweet action that was missing from the previous chapters and it is quite nice to get into this kind of environment once again. In fact, I’d wager that is what this tale needs to become even greater. Now you could call me hungry for violence or such, but I generally enjoy those kind of stories better. Not saying that there’s anything wrong with one or two chapters of non-violence. That is actually a rather good idea to give the reader a bit of respite before diving deeper into the world of action and violence.

What can I say about this chapter? On one hand it seemed that the plot was moving pretty slowly forward, but on the other hand, we end the chapter like how you always seem to do. Cliffhanger. Now, I’ve got nothing against cliffhangers, as they make the story more interesting to read next time, in my opinion at least. But a continuous streak of them can sometimes hurt the story far more than give profit. Despite that, I think it worked perfectly here and I really don’t have any major complaints about it, so you don’t have to worry that it’s getting dull or something like that.

I can say one thing about Chronos and Logos’ new predicament, though. This outcome wasn’t exactly what I had in mind initially when Questor begun his schemes, but I guess this is just another lesson about to always expect the unexpected to happen at any given time. I don’t think their stay with Questor will be a kind one, as the hidden runner in question seems to be planning something very malicious that could potentially even hurt everyone in some way or another. If he knew just how important and smart the rainbowfaces really are, the consequences would be very catastrophic.

All in all, very decent chapter from you, and concerning about the review question, I would personally be okay with either option. Whatever works best for you. Love to see what you’ll come up next time! :PAli

Sovereign

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #87 on: August 08, 2019, 03:08:59 PM »
There were some very interesting developments in this chapter. While the ending has obviously the most widespread implications, the previous scenes were highly interesting as well. All of the plotlines were advanced nicely and it’s also clearly there will be lots of actions in the chapters to come.

I’ve really liked Penol’s journey and her part here was quite intriguing too. The way you described the mating rituals was at the same time quite funny as well as illuminating on her current circumstances. It’s good to see that she’s having more acquittances within her new herd even if her situation seems very threatening even now. It’s also great to see her start thinking about her own life and which path she wants to take. Even if her current plans seems set in stone, it’s quite clear her deeds will be highly impactful in the not so distant future.

Petrie and Ignis’ conversation signaled that things will get serious soon. It seems like the flyer surprised her with his news of a swift assault upon Wrok even if the course of action for both of them was clear for a long time. Even then, a major battle is upon both of them, at least if the last scene doesn’t change everything. At the same time, it looks like things are turning into ever more dangerous direction in the Valley as well.

About the ending, the thought of the rainbowfaces serving Questor is a terrible one and it’s almost clear that this will change everything in the grand scheme of things. Even if the rainbowfaces manage to avoid revealing everything to him, it’s clear they’ll provide him with some new techniques or strategies that will give him the decisive advantage in any confrontation. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he made his move while Wrok and his enemies are fighting each other…

As I said, this seems like a real gamechanger. Even Wrok may soon find that he stands no chance against his elusive rival and even if it might be a stretch to suspect that he’s ally with the Pack and their allies, it’s likely that Questor will be at least as threatening a villain as he is. Nice job with this chapter as always! :DD



rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #88 on: October 13, 2019, 02:38:13 AM »
@Anagnos  I do indeed agree with the need for the action to return to this story. Though it is the nature of this story to be a slow build we are certainly in the thick of the action now. I can also certainly see the point about not overdoing cliffhangers, though I do have a bit of an addiction to them as you have probably noticed. :p This current chapter ends on a similar organization of tone as is my custom (to end on a moment of tension and uncertainty) though in the context of a situation that is known. Though the question of what the pack (and Mender's healers) will decide to do now will be of some importance. Dodger has just now witnessed his own side inadvertently perform an atrocity that is reminiscent of what his allied hidden runners went through in act 1. Now everyone will have to come to terms with what has happened as they prepare for further bloodshed on the horizon.

@Sovereign  I am glad that you enjoyed the initial Penol scene and did not see it as superfluous. In many ways that scene sets the stage in presenting her mindset going forward as she tries to determine her place in this confusing and treacherous situation. At the same time as she is wading into the pool of grey morality, both Ignis and Spotter are practically swimming in it. Which has led to the situation at the end of this current chapter and the disturbing implications of having things come full circle with the destruction of a (admittedly smaller) hidden runner pack as a mirror image to how Verant got into this war in the first place. I look forward to your thoughts on the new developments. :)

Oh, and @LBTlover247 and @Sovereign I will read and review your new chapters tomorrow. I have been incredibly busy with work and have just now been able to catch up on my own writing.  (So now is the cue for someone to post more chapters of their stories on Monday so that I can fall behind again  :lol )
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 02:43:37 AM by rhombus »


Go ahead and check out my fanfictions, The Seven Hunters, Songs of the Hunters, and Mender's Tale
Mender's Tale.

rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #89 on: October 13, 2019, 02:40:30 AM »
Chapter 31: Symmetries

As the hidden runner conflict escalates within hidden runner territory, the fastbiter super-pack finally begins its assault on their hated enemy.  However in war not everything is as it seems, and sometimes the echoes of the past can scream louder than the shouts of the present.


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Mender's Tale.

Anagnos

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #90 on: October 13, 2019, 03:42:23 AM »
This was in many ways a rather emotional chapter, where the consequences of actions are presented in a very clear light. The implications of different packs in the war to come, although proven to be somewhat justified, have caused innocents to be drawn into it as well. It is quite clear that this uncertain path they must face now will lead to many calamitous circumstances to take place rather soon, judging by the tone of the most recent chapter.

The conversation between Staza and Pearl was a rather unexpected event, that despite the feeling of uncertainty managed to create a phenomenal and impactful sequence. Although, these two have barely spoken to each other over the course of the story, it was very intriguing to see how each of them reacted to the sudden and unexpected eventuality that was bound to happen at some point. Their views on the upcoming battle and emotions put into it really spoke volumes about their inner feelings on the matter, with the former disliking the fact that her mate is always taking unnecessary risks. Albeit that might be the right call in this scenario, the conclusion might be another thing entirely.

One can understand Staza’s frustrations about Verant leaving with the super-pack to confront Wrok and his forces, but in a war these things usually cannot be helped. Many have had to leave their families to protect them from calamities, and many do not ever return. Therefore, Staza’s anxiety is completely justified and very much understandable. However, one can also understand Verant’s need to carry out an important task in order to ensure a better future for him and his family in the hellish world they live in. It can also be interpreted as Verant’s way of returning the favor for what Seeker and his pack did for them in the past, which I very much sympathize with.

The dynamic among the super-back is certainly quite humorous at times, but what can you expect from bunch of children that have not seen a real battle up until this point? It is entirely conceivable that they would feel not only anxious, but a little bit of dread as their lives have been changed for conclusively with the recent developments. Albeit, many of them might be eager to learn new things, undoubtedly many of them will not return from the battle, as was hinted in the previous chapters. The pack doesn’t always appear to get along that well either, but that is abundantly clear as they have not spent that much time together yet, therefore not being comfortable around with each other quite yet. It will be an interesting development to follow for sure. Verant’s approach to the matter of providing the young ones with much needed support and guidance was what one might expect from such fastbiter as he. Albeit, some of their antics unwittingly cause some mild annoyance to rise over their inexperience.

I must confess that the ending part took me completely by surprise, as I was under the impression someone from their past would suddenly appear (Prowler), as the summary of the chapter hinted something like that would take place, the factuality is much more depressing and dismal than initially expected. All the while throughout the chapter, we are given brief hints about their adversary and their possible intentions. But all of that is promptly crushed when they figure out exactly whom they had killed on that very day; a pack of innocent hidden runners. To make matters worse, these hidden runners had eggs on the way, and without their guardians to provide protection and care, I do not see any other option other than putting them out of their misery before they are even born, as the pack really doesn’t have another option at this point. This was a nice chapter as always that presented very interesting plot developments and I look forward to how the plot develops from here. :)

Sovereign

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #91 on: November 05, 2019, 02:54:23 PM »
My apologies for the extremely delayed review but a lot has been happening lately. As for the chapter, it was a pretty a pretty solid one that moved the story forward. While it was rather slow initially, it did managed to create new drama and emotion as well and it was a very pleasant read overall. The ending was a surprise certainly and it was also a harrowing conclusion to this installment. I always love these kinds of reminders that even our heroes can do terrible things even if they didn’t mean it.

I quite the first scenes of this chapter as they brought the tension a bit downwards from the extremely warlike last installments and showed that even now, the characters still care most about their companions and children, rather than about this struggle. Staza and Pearl’s conversation certainly was a well-written one and one that underlined their distant but warm relationship.

As for the latter parts, it’s of course true that the Pack simply cannot take any risks with strangers and in that way, Verant’s hunt is a justified one. Even in the middle of what would become a terrible tragedy, it was a good idea to put some humor into the mix as it made the plot move forward more smoothly and it made the tale feel more nuanced as such scenes often do. When it comes to the ending, yeah, it was a dark one. The hunt was clearly a mistake and as a consequence, Verant and the others killed a bunch of innocents and as Anagnos pointed out, they’ll most likely have to do the same to the eggs.

Even if this chapter didn’t really advance many plotlines, it did make us see another side of some of our heroes: that they can be just as bad as Wrok or Questor if the circumstances are right and that’s a message I really approve of. Overall, this was a rather short but interesting installment that provided us with more insight about our characters. I hope that I and Anagnos are wrong about what’s to follow but this chapter was a very good one.



rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #92 on: December 12, 2019, 02:29:47 PM »
Sovereign: I can hardly fault you for a delayed review after my multi-week delay in reviewing your latest chapters. :p I am glad that you thought that the previous chapter explored the darker side of the 'good guys' in this war. Ultimately casualties are unavoidable in any war, and the perspective of who is a friend and a monster is often a subjective one based upon where one stands. I do hope the current chapter does not make things drag too much with its slow build, but I think that the plot it lays out is going to be very important for what develops next. In any case I look forward to your thoughts. :)

Anagnos: Thank you very much for the detailed and insightful review. :) I must admit that I had a good deal of fun writing Pearl's side of the conversation with Staza, as both mothers confronted the realities of the world they find themselves in. I felt it was important to show what this war is like for those that stayed behind, and to show another perspective on the conflict. This desire also extended into showing the reality of what transpired in the battle. Ultimately no one is omnipresent and we must all do our best to navigate our lives in a way that best suits the greater good, as we see it. But when people do not agree on what the greater good is, or have differing ideas on how to achieve it, that is where conflict resides. In the next chapter we will see the aftermath of the egg situation, and the super-pack's plans for the conflict ahead.


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Mender's Tale.

rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #93 on: December 12, 2019, 02:33:10 PM »
Chapter 32: Capptured Attentions

While the pack deals with the aftermath of the battle, those who are not on the battlefield still have their own stories to tell. From the rainbowfaces dealing with their captivity, to the children finding trouble in a world that has no shortage of it, each group is trying to deal with their predicaments.  But, all the while, plots continue to stew in the background...


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Mender's Tale.

Anagnos

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #94 on: December 14, 2019, 03:02:43 AM »
The opening scene with Chronos and Logos being captive by Questor’s hidden runners was a rather sad change of pace from the usually bright and joyful rainbowface duo that we’ve come to know and care for. This situation likely will turn only worse once they reach their destination, although the hidden runner’s plan for the two of them remains rather mysterious and their aims likewise unclear. It really fits their characterization, not to let fear control them, and I was very glad to see that development happen.

The next sequence presents a very interesting outlook into Questor and how exactly his pack mentality works. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it definitely was not the aforementioned hidden runner to act so friendly instead of ruling with an iron first as I had initially surmised. Although, this may very well be a facade to hide his true intentions from not only his adversaries, but from allies as well whom might one day oppose him, so it is comprehensible that he would keep his true personality hidden for now. A rather devious tactical move from someone who has been designated as a brute in the past, and this only proves to make his character more interesting in my eyes.

But one of the more humorous sequences in the entire chapter was no doubt Gyors and his siblings attempt to spy on the other children, which failed miserably in the end. All of this is simply in a good-will and has absolutely no markings of a conflict and I was very much pleased to see you go for this development between the children and how they behave with one another. Simply but, the whole sequence was a very good comic relief from the perpetual tension in the air. And let’s be honest, Gyors’ inner thoughts on the circumstance was simply too hilarious to ignore.

Becoming friends with other species, especially ones you consider your food source, is not exactly easy as we have seen in the past to what that can lead to. However, the exchange between the children is easily one of the most delightful things in the entire chapter. And once the initial distrust and carefulness is over, they quickly become rather taken with one another. Although, try to get the threehorns and the more stubborn fastbiter children to say this out loud. I also liked how it was Sauria who was the first one to approach the other children. Guess bit of Seeker has rubbed on her? :p

However, this is where the chapter begins to take a dark turn once the body of the previously murdered dinosaur is found in the river. This poses some rather interesting developments in the valley’s own situation with staying neutral in the conflict, as this could potentially force the valley to reconsider their earlier decision on the entire matter and potentially join the fight to retaliate. As of now, the perpetrators of this atrocity remain in the dark, but it will likely not end well for them if the valley decides to enact an investigation to figure out what exactly happened. It might force them the act sooner than they would have liked once they’re caught or if they somehow manage to explain it so that it doesn’t reveal them.

I really enjoyed the game the children played together, as this is another example of despite the growing conflict around them, they are simply just children caught in the crossfire trying to enjoy life as best as they can. I couldn’t help but feel ecstatic over your ability to make writing interesting and humorous at the same time, which shows exactly how detailed your capability is in these matters. And from the sidelines, we see Staza’s reaction to this development. While it may not be easy to accept food as friends, I feel like she understood the need for friends in this case, no matter what species they may be.

And in the final scene, Chronos and Logos make plans to escape from their captors, albeit this includes the factor that the former must stay behind to cover his mate’s escape and warn the valley of this new development with the hidden runners. This scene was a clear testament to what deep affection between partners can cause a person to do for their significant other, and Chronos is more than willing to accept any outcome that awaits him. I will definitely look forward to how this story develops from here. There are so many interesting developments happening all at once that it is kind of hard to keep track of them all. Nevertheless, a splendid chapter! :)

Sovereign

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #95 on: December 15, 2019, 03:07:07 PM »
This installment was rather interesting to read as it contained several important if subtle plot developments. At the same time, we see new developments in the grand picture while also witnessing the birth of new friendships. It’s always good to see them being balanced in stories like this even if I felt like certain scenes seemed to drag on a bit.

The rainbowfaces’ situation is rather threatening and they understand the situation perfectly as well. Their knowledge could provide Questor with great power and help him wipe off his competitors with ease. It was only to be expected that they’d try to escape even if only Logos managed to get away. It remains to be seen what happens to her mate but Questor would be rather foolish to kill him now and ridding himself of his knowledge in the process. Questor himself is simply preparing for the inevitable conflict and gaining new allies and that scene was a good way to show that his threat is growing by the day.

About the other major focus, you did a good way of showing the children of the different kinds of getting to know each other, no matter the odds against them. It indeed shows that the ongoing war simply fails to kill their spirits and mood to the same extent as their parents’. Now, it was pleasant to read but I got the feeling those scenes were too long and made this chapter less intense than it could have been. About the development in the Valley, it will certainly offer interesting possibilities for the next chapters.

Overall, this was a good chapter even if it offered relatively few shocks. If I were to offer one piece of criticism, it’s the recent lack of major shocks that would result in a major and dramatic plot twist. Of course, the way you build the plotlines is more impressive than shock value but I’d still say the latter is needed a bit more often. But that’s just my opinion and I’m sure you have something great in mind yourself. Nice job as always!



rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #96 on: March 17, 2020, 10:50:07 PM »
Thank you for the reviews, guys!

Sovereign: Thank you for the feedback on this chapter. :) Though the current chapter probably did not provide much is grand shocks, rest assured that we are now entering into the culmination of the plot points that have been developing in a slow build until now. In many ways the chess pieces have been set and now it is time to see how they fall.. As always, I look forward to your thoughts on the new chapter. :)

Anagnos: Thank you very much for the detailed review. I must admit that when confronted with such a detailed review, which goes in-depth into the scenes and their implications for the plot as a whole, I am sometimes left with uncertainty as to how to reply. What I will say, however, is that you have clearly understood the implication of the latest developments. Between the rainbowfaces being unwilling to be used as pawns by Questor, to Questor's plots for the future, to the dark plots coming from withing the valley itself, to the kids being kids, each action creates an interwoven web which will have implications later on. As such, I eagerly look forward to your thoughts as this story continues to develop. :)

I will have the next chapter posted in the next few hours.  :bestsharptooth


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Mender's Tale.

rhombus

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #97 on: March 17, 2020, 11:00:18 PM »
Chapter 33: Mistakes Realized

There is more than one way to make an omelette, but don't let Mender hear you say that! After a little mistake leads to the death of innocents, the healer pack is left with a delicate situation. Meanwhile, Seeker must come face to face with the consequences of his mistakes. Meanwhile, the children learn that secrets are often easier to make than to keep...


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Mender's Tale.

Sovereign

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #98 on: March 19, 2020, 04:37:22 PM »
I quite liked the main point of this chapter. Even if the Littlefoot we know is long gone, we concretely saw here that Seeker still isn’t close to becoming just another cruel sharptooth leader and the way he tries to make amends for his mistake was pretty interesting to read. The situation is clearly a disgusting one for everyone involved but even then, Littlefoot isn’t going to give up his honor even in this campaign. That tells a lot about his character and once again affirms the distinction between the good and bad leaders in this story.

The first part of this installment was a pretty good look on how the children are doing even if it didn’t exactly move the plot forward. I quite like their antics and gives us some reprieve from their parents’ dead serious reality. Those scenes always have their place in this fic even if I’d prefer them having more weight on the story as a whole.

As for the main part of this chapter. Littlefoot and Mender’s argument was very well done. As I said, I especially liked the former’s sudden willingness to admit his flaws and try to both explain his situation and also try to make things better in the few ways that still are available to him. Seeing him actually saving the eggs was one look into the old Littlefoot and again showed that in a way he’s the same dinosaur he’s always been.

That being said, the next battle is on the horizon. It was a good idea to have this unfortunate incident before the real escalation for the reasons stated above but it also remains to be seen where we’re coming from here. It’s more than likely there will be losses on all sides soon enough and I look forward to seeing how the campaign will develop in the chapters to come.



Anagnos

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Re: Mender's Tale
« Reply #99 on: March 21, 2020, 04:49:34 AM »
Conditions among the pack threaten to reach the boiling point in this chapter. In their mind, what they are doing is not only necessary to ensure their place in existence, but to secure a peaceful life for future generations without the chaos raging all around them, encircling them at every opportunity like a famished scavenger desperate for salvation. However, they also acknowledge the inevitable outcome that they may not survive this struggle without losing themselves to the darkness, and ultimately lose the sight of what makes them special and unique. This determination not to fall prey to the lunacy that plagued them before this present conflict exhibit that while their actions may have changed, deep down, they are still the same dinosaurs they once were.

While others are occupied with life and death, we have a brief chance to see how things are progressing elsewhere. The anticipated banter between Staza and the children in regards to their short-lived liberty with the leaf-eater children progressed slowly, albeit in a very fitting manner. Although this jovial company they’ve enjoyed up until now will have to be put on a hold for now, I found it rather interesting to see that despite their obvious divergence in anatomy and behavior, you can easily mistake them as lifelong friends having a laugh. The sharpteeth don’t need to give the valley any more reasons to be peeved at them, so this spectacle is now suspended for the time being.

In view of of the recent unfortunate tragedy reminding of its presence upon the pack, the conflicting outlook on life from both Littlefoot and Mender did not do much to ease the tension between the allied forces in this new newfound issue. The former’s stance in this was a moment that truly showed how the brown fastbiter feels about their current position; they are at war, and non-combatants will always perish in the face of of an all-out war. He may still be the Littlefoot we know, but these circumstances are bound to change something in every single one of them, and it may not be for the good. All of them have done unspeakable things to stay alive, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a chance to come back from it. The first step to fix a mistake is to recognize there is one, and this was a department the sharptooth did not fail in.

Cynnil and Mender’s exchange turned out to be a real eye-opener. Each side was very adamant to get their point across without being hostile. The safety and future of the unfortunate eggs are paramount to them both, which is something neither is willing to dismiss. One can clearly see how everything is taking its toll on all of them, especially the way it affects Mender in particular. The relationship the two healers share is one that is not only brilliantly written, but one that is a wonderful part of this universe. Whatever differences they might have are not important right now as they face the uncertain future together. Things will only start to get worse from here on out, and the foreshadow that one of them may not survive the forthcoming doom, will have everlasting impact on the other.