A bit annoying that this is only on fanfic.net, oh well
Prologue: Well, the prologue certainly makes you wonder what kind of story it is going to be. An unknown child meeting a mysterious talking biter who chases a kid only to spare and tell him a story sure is that sort of introduction that just makes you curious
*goes on fanfic.net*
Chapt1: After the prologue I thought this would be mostly OC-based. Now to read about a casual game of our beloved dinosaur was.. unexpected
Apparently, Cera's dream had a deeper, almost foreshadowing meaning. Albeit by accident, Chomper bites Ducky (
*enters rage mode* 
) and a too familiar scenario (which seems to be popular among fanfic writers as of late
) evolves. Now the challenge will be to stand out with your story
The scenario you went with is probably even more probable than the scenario Sovereign chose with his story. A simple accident during a game and all trust is gone. I think in terms of having the characters act in character, you've done a great job. Littlefoot had always been the most trusting and supportive of Chomper, while Cera's doubt had always been the most drastic. Spike would obviously stand up for Ducky no matter what and Ducky/Petrie always seemed to be somewhat undecided on the matter. Petrie displays that here too while Ducky, influenced by pain and anger, takes a lot closer to Cera here which, under these circumstances, is also believable for the swimmer. Chomper seems to know he has messed it up, reacting accordingly, while Ruby takes her responsibility.
Overall, very good 1st chapter & Prologue, curious to see where this is going
EDIT: Moar reviews
Chapter 2 was a little less hectic but nonetheless progressing the plot nicely! I'm glad to see that Cera is taking a less confronting approach to solve matters and come to a conclusion with Littlefoot.
Ruby meanwhile confronts Chomper with the facts
Chomper is still child enough to seriously consider redeeming himself though.
And... the rainbowfaces are messing with the order of the world
Chapter 3 now:
Well, I've been sleeping over that review simply because there's one thing I'm not sure how to confront. And I think I should go for the more honest version here.
While the sheer mess and chaos that erupted in this chapter were all well portraited, there's still this lingering feeling that I've read this same setting before in the Seven Hunters and it simply doesn't surprise me anymore (plus I consider rhombus' The Seven Hunters story the high bar end of fanfiction writing so that doesn't help either
)
I know rhombus has been co-working on this and I see a slight increase in writing quality overall in comparison to "This is growing up" here but maybe you guys shouldn't have taken the same setting, the same scene, just slightly amended, for this story
One more thing I find a bit funny is the parent's behavior. They seem far too composed. If I saw that happen, I think my mind would just... snap
:
Oh well, still more than curious to see how that scene in the prologue came to be
Chapter 4:
Well... I don't know why but for some reason I don't warm up with this. All I feel is rage against the Rainbowfaces. I know, silly but you really did not portrait them in a likable way. From a story POV this is the most logical path to follow, to not resolve matters easily, but I'm not liking it for some reason.
Chapter 5: I do not really understood what you were trying to gain with that threehorn story. If there's no big importance in the present which I believe applies then it is usually best not to include it. It mere confused me, what were you trying to pinpoint? And I also wonder how others' opinions are? I typically skip reviews on ff.net when I'm reading on my phone (which is 95% of the time I read).
Chapter 6: well, suddenly a really long chapter!
Although I think staying consistent in chapter length somewhat is always recommended. I know I have quite the variety in my chapters but that is usually because I am looking for the best, most exciting moment of just a moment that concludes a scene nicely. To be fair, you did find such a point and I shall credit you for that
Also, this was the first chapter that I found to be enjoyable through and through! It's still very similar to TSH albeit one needs to admit that rhombus went with the most logical approach in his story which you are obviously trying to stay true to. Nothing wrong with that I guess
I do see what you are trying to do different in this chapter and you did not disappoint when you promised it in the previous chapter. The way I see it, the main change is relying on the fastrunners and not Chomper's parents to learn what needs to be learned and, whether I like the curse or not on an emotional level, it does add an interesting twist and a huge challenge to it
As for the gang, I wish you had dwelled on the moment they decided to eat and the process of Chomper teaching them more although I'd understand perfectly if the story is not meant to be too lengthy
Well, that was a good chapter for sure
And chapter seven at last...
I kind of saw that scene coming after the implementations Ruby's parents made in the previous chapter. You handled the whole scene pretty well, Chomper's grief was unmistakable and the little fight with Littlefoot a very good idea to do.
I'm surprised this story is still ongoing btw. Since I don't read on ff.net usually, I would probably miss future updates there though :/
