February/March Fanfic

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[Goldenwind]

Read up to Chapter 2 so far. Really like how the story is going espically with how Sierra is having to deal with "Brat". XD    I'll post my thoughts when I finish.

Update: Wow this story was amazing! I really like how you gave some backstory behind Sierra as I liked the flyers in movie 7.  I laughed when I saw you incorporated the yellowbellies in the story and how Pterano just dealt with fruit being tossed at him. I really liked it from beginning to end! 

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[Anagnos]

Hey there. Allow me to offer my congratulations for joining our tidy fanfiction group on the forum. We always appreciate new authors joining our ranks and I can see you're already off to a rather decent start. I'm a stickler for serious and lighthearted stories, but there is a spot in my heart for whimsical ones as well. Your story is part of the latter category and I'm glad I gave it a shot.

It is interesting you decided to go with Sierra for this prompt and the ''what if'' characterization you implement upon him, while slightly out of character for him as the flyer has no qualms about harming children, and that no doubt expands to abandonment as well, was still fascinating to see. Backstory for a character, especially villain at that, can never be overstated by how important it is not for the universe as a whole, but for the fanbase as well. While the idea is not my cup of tea, there's a certain level of creativity and innovation you put into this story from start to finish, and for that I applaud you.

As in every story, there are almost always parts that don't make sense or seem too unlikely to happen in real life. My first point was already mentioned in the paragraph above, so I will not go into detail about that. The Berry Valley scene was one that caught my attention in regard to possible continuity errors; I believe it was said that the yellowbellies first entered the aforesaid valley in the 13th film lead by the gang, so this would present certain issues on that. However, this may not be a big issue as it has been a long time since I watched the movie and the point I just made can be completely wrong. Take my words with a grain of salt.

Characterizations are a huge thing for me and I was glad to see that Sierra didn't just become a different person from canon to make this story work, props for that. Though, there were times when his character started to seem a little bit incorrect when dealing with the hatchling. One last piece of advice before I close this review, I noticed that you changed the story's title at least once and I'd advise you to pick one name and just stick with it, even if you disagree with it later as this can confuse people. I'm also a fan of one-shot stories, which basically in this situation means that I would've liked to see this as one story, not individual chapters. But it worked fine in the end, and that's what matters.

Your writing style is already rather polished and with more experience, you'll soar into highs at a good pace. For now, this was a good story that explored a well written villain involved in a very unique situation. additionally, don't worry too much about not being able to post this story to FFN. Just be sure to check you cross post it eventually as that is required. Good job.

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[OwlsCantRead]

I actually like the juxtaposition between what we expect from a flyer like Sierra and what eventually became of him. The struggle between caring for a hatchling who leeches of you to eventually becoming the mask is heartwarming, and I think you sell it by having his obstinance over the baby and frustration over its persistence grow on him, despite his character. It is interesting to see different shades of a character, and I find character studies to see different sides of them fascinating in general, so good job, though I admit I think Wings is a bit nondescript for a name in the end.

Also, you can label your story as complete and add character tags on the site.

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[OwlsCantRead]

I think the presence (or absence) of character development/growth is what can make (or break) a story, so I try my best to incorporate that into my writing when I can. Earning your approval sure makes me happy, as I've been starting to read your fics and I really like your writing style!

This makes me very glad and joyous to hear. Rhombus' fics were one of the reasons I started writing so gaining his nod of approval was the equivalent of that for me. Don't worry, fic community (like fanart community) is tight-knit and exceedingly nice at giving concrit. And yes, introspective character development is what I'm fond of writing, and also to read.

Although "Wings" is a pretty generic sounding flyer name, I had a reason for choosing it, and that reason was the fact that Sierra had been keeping the hatchling around to serve as his wings while he was grounded. I also felt the word carried a bit of a character-growth metaphor regarding being uplifted. Admittedly, though, I probably could have invented a better name if I wasn't finishing this story on the last day to turn in the prompt.

Insert flight-based pun here.

I did add modifiers to my story on the fanfic site...are you saying that's a feature here, too? Sorry, I'm confused.

No, no, I meant the fanfiction site. I think... they weren't saved? When I looked at the archive I didn't see it labelled with character tags or the Complete tags. When posting a story (or Managing Stories in this case) you can select/change a stories' status (inprogress to complete) and add in 4 characters that would show on the fanfic archive story page.

[Sovereign]

I’d also like to welcome you into the realm of LBT fanfics. It’s always nice to see someone join us and as Anagnos said, you already seem to have a good idea on how to do good stories. The idea here is certainly an original one and one that could almost be counted as a crack fic. Sierra certainly is as far from a fatherly figure as you could just imagine. Even if there were certain rather dubious characterizations in this story, you still did a rather good job in portraying this deep change within the previously-evil flyer.

The first chapter was at the same time amusing and emotional. Sierra’s clear unwillingness to care for the child was very tangible but it was also good to that he has a small flicker of decency deep within him. Even then, it isn’t easy to imagine him accepting Brat’s company even in this situation as we’ve seen a very different side of him in the film.

The next chapters were also quite funny with Sierra trying to come to terms with his new role no matter how difficult it is for him. Their journey to the Berry Valley was an especially funny idea even if it’s true that there are timeline problems involved with that subplot. The ending to this story was likely the best part of this story as Sierra’s change of heart was both expected and one that makes the flyer more likable than before.

Now, you could have released this as one story as the chapters were really short and I personally prefer any sub-10k word story to be in one piece but that’s just me. You could also have kept the plot more coherent and character-driven though I understand you wanted to take a different path. Even then, this was a pretty good first LBT story and one that did quite a good work on character-development. There could have been some room for improvement but good job nonetheless.

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[rhombus]

First of all, I would like to welcome you to the fanfic community.   It is always a welcome thing to see a new author join our community and based upon this enjoyable initial story I am sure to look forward to your future offerings.

The use of Sierra in the role of an adoptive father is, I must admit, not a possibility that I would have seen as likely before reading this story.  The Sierra of canon was not afraid to hurt or threaten children and actually had an almost sociopathic disregard for others, or, at least, that is the impression that I got from the seventh film.  This story, however, forces us to challenge this perception by seeing another side of this flyer.  At first his mannerisms against the child is exactly what we would expect - annoyed and angry.  This even manifests as trying to abandon the child a few times, leading to the child humorously and stubbornly following his beloved Dada.  

But it is here, after an unfortunate dream and Sierra's aborted attempt to leave the child to its fate, that we get to see the underlying reality of Sierra's mindset.  He was the victim of an abusive father and being forced to fend for himself early on.  Out of necessity and survival he had to become the cold flyer he is today.  And when he hears the child calling for its "Dada" he knows that he cannot be as worthless of a father as his own father was to him.  A commonality now established between the two, Sierra now resolves to do the best that he can... and also to give the flyer a more suitable name.

Though this story was not without a great need for suspension of disbelief, considering what we know about Sierra from canon sources, it does allow us to see another side to a character which was not given much depth in the series.  I do enjoy character pieces like this as it allows for an exploration of the characters in a way that the films simply would not allow.  For an initial fanfic, it certainly is a promising beginning.  I look forward to your next story. 

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