Okay you guys are asking for it, I am triggered. Let's do this!
The following message is something my proofreader wrote yesterday when he learned about Rhett month actually being a thing and there is no way I could word any better what he has put into text quite masterfully. Please do enjoy, it matches my opinion to the max! (PS: to those on discord who have been playing CAH with us, yes this is Anonymous Critic's message)
Mini rant: He doesn’t deserve a month. He’s a one dimensional villain who exists purely to be a love rival to Littlefoot and a poor one at that. I’m not against creating characters with a specific purpose in mind since Ali was made to be Littlefoot’s love interest, but she still had a character of her own that could have been developed if the writers had any idea how to properly use her. Rhett on the other hand is a rival first and a character second. That could potentially work for a villain except, since he doesn’t pose a legitimate threat in any meaningful capacity, his entire existence is predicated upon the degradation of Ali so his one character trait works. Dedicating a month to him is almost insulting given how if Ali was allowed to be her proper self again, instead of that cheap imitation from the TV series, then he’d be nothing more than a nuisance with no reason to exist. Rhett is founded on contrivance, made to be a rival for the love of a girl who logically would have no interest in him considering their complete incompatibility. Creating a character that relies entirely on those around them being OOC, especially my favorite, is incredibly lazy and shouldn’t be rewarded with a month.
Uhh, Amen
Now with this matter settled, since I obviously can't do anything about it, I'll just have to go along, I guess. I've thought about how to sabotage this and the only thing that comes to mind is the following. While I say sabotage (and I mean it), it's up to your interpretation whether this is actually a contribution or not
Now without further ado, I shall present...
30 ways to kill off RhettApril has 30 days so there will be 30 short stories in which Rhett will end up dying in some way or another. Since I skipped yesterday by that definition, there will be two stories today.
Enjoy it or reconsider how your Rhett praise makes others feel because I'm merely turning the tables a liiiiittle bit here
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1. Cliffs are dangerous One day, Ali's herd passed by large crack in the ground, possibly a tragic by-product of the countless earthshakes rampaging their lands every so often. Rhett was excited when he saw the crack. A plan forming in his flat head, he started to approach the pink longneck girl.
"Hey Ali, let's check this awesome crack out!" he exclaimed full of anticipation. There was something he definitely wanted to show Ali - after all he still hadn't managed to win the girl with his sheer awesomeness so something had to be done about it. Ali halted in her gentle walk, looking over to the crack too as if she had only just barely discovered its very existance.
"Oh, well, I guess it's fine," Ali replied with a neutral expression. "Just don't get too close to the edge."
Rhett smirked internally. If Ali was worried about him falling off, then it must mean that she actually loved him, right?
"Sure, I'll get away from the edge after I've taken a good look at the whole thing!" he announced boldly, running ahead until he stopped right at the edge if it.
"Rhett, no, it's dangerous!" Ali called, increasing her speed to catch up with Rhett.
"Aww don't be a scare-dy egg, Ali. Look how
brave I am, standing right here on this e..."
That was when Rhett realized something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Suddenly, the floor below him started cracking, small pebbles dislodging from the rock he was standing on.
"See, see I TOLD you!" Ali cried, entering a mad sprint to reach Rhett in time. "Get off that rock!!!"
"I KNOW, okay?!" Rhett shouted rather angrily. This stupid rock had entirely ruined his chance to impress Ali and now it was about to fall into the crack he meant to inspect. Anger rising up within the beige-coloured longneck, he flexed his muscles and prepared to...
*crack*Before Rhett got a chance to leap, the small ledge he was standing on broke clean off. Uttering a yelp, Rhett tried to jump anyway but his face smacked into the rock wall. Over Ali's terrified screams, he had to watch helplessly as his body started obeying to gravity as it slid at first, then tumbled down the impossibly steep cliff, all of while screaming as the sharp rock tore is skin open. Finally, he felt himself being tossed into free-falling. He could hear Ali's desperate screams for a very long time before, finally, the bottom of the abyss began to approach with rapid speed. Before Rhett could consider any last words, his body smacked into unforgiving rock and he knew no more.
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Not enough? No problem, today is a special day! Two deaths for the price of one!
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2. Don't jump over a crack, or you'll definitely break your neck!On a sunny day, Littlefoot and his friends were playing with Mo in the water. Recently, they had discovered a new game to play which they had dubbed "Toss Mo". The concept was quite simple. Two ponds in the Valley were quite close to each other, separated by a field of pebbles and small rocks. Littlefoot and Ali stood on each ends of the pond, acting as a ramp to launch Mo high enough to make it all the way across much to the swimmers' enjoyment and the landwalkers' amusement, admittedly. Very rarely, Cera, Spike and Ruby had to rush in to "catch" Mo and, slowly, they were becoming really good at this new 'sport'.
One longneck, however, viewed this new activity with a grain of salt. Rhett couldn't play with Ali ever since that stupid game was introduced since the girl would rather partake in it instead of hanging out with him. Why wouldn't she just play Rescue with him instead? Wasn't it so much better than propelling a stupid colourful swimmer into the air while watching him squeal like an idiot? No, that was not Rhett's kind of humor, not at all! Frantically, while fuming some distance away from the main activity, he was searching for a way to bribe Ali's attention until he finally found a solution! Determined to show her how awesome he was, Rhett got to his feet and approached the group.
"Hey, that game looks like fun, I wanna jump too!" he announced loudly as he entered the scene. Eight confused eyes were suddenly directed at him and he could swear seeing the threehorn rolling her eyes at him and the flyer facepalming but Rhett didn't mind. His eyes were on Ali who was on the left pond while Littlefoot was on the right pond. Naturally, Rhett chose the one Littlefoot was standing at, approaching with a glee grin.
"What the spiketail are you up to, Rhett?" Littlefoot wondered in confusion. "You can't jump from pond to pond, it's quite a drop you know?"
"Oh yeah?" Rhett said arrogantly. "Maybe YOU can't but I'm definitely better and stronger than you so I can make it. Just you watch!"
Without further ado and ignoring all warnings the gang was offering, Rhett walked to the edge of the pond. There was roughly a longneck length he could utilize to pick up speed before reaching a solid rock to lift him off. From this perspective, he couldn't see how far he had to jump and, if he could, he would have probably developed secondary thoughts but Rhett's stupidity knew no limits when he was about to brag to Ali so the boy flexed his muscled and began to sprint. Faster and faster he ran and his confidence grew by the second. With a feeling of euphoria and ecstacy, Rhett rammed his legs into the boulder with all he got, catapulting himself to amazing heights. There was no doubt he was capable, even Cera had to admit that, but even this amazing, testosterone-laden jump wasn't nearly enough to get the longneck all the way across. Naturally, nobody had positioned themselves to catch the longneck in case of emergency because, hands down, nobody
could catch a longneck of Rhett's build even if they honestly tried. To make matters worse, Rhett's hindlegs had given him such a boost, that the longneck's rear began to overtake his front. As is in slow motion, Rhett was tilting mid-air, all the while slowly losing altitude, then quickly losing altitude while facing the floor head-first.
*crash*With an unsettling mixture of flesh meeting rock with the unpleasant addition of an audible bone cracking upon the impact, Rhett came down at last. He had only made it across half of the distance, landing in the middle of the rocky area inbetween the ponds head-first. After everyone was done screaming in fear, Littlefoot was the first to dare look what had happened to Rhett. He needn't get close to the body to know that Rhett's stupidity had taken his young life. Rhett's neck was bent by 90 degrees, his eyes still open but empty aside from an expression of fear forever itched into his lifeless orbs. Littlefoot didn't know what to feel; the whole situation was simply too surreal! One moment ago that idiot had been talking and now he was...
"Well..." Cera finally offered drily. "I was always right about longnecks being inferior to us threehorns. Our necks are tougher than... this." No one laughed but no one cried either. There was only an awkward silence until Littlefoot broke it at last.
"Well, so this happened. Let's just... go home for now. Nothing we can do, right?"
"Yeah, let's go home," Cera replied drily and everyone else nodded in mute shock before heading to their respective homes, leaving Rhett's lifeless body behind. Only weeks later, it would be found at last as nobody ever dared to mention this incident to their folks nor did they ever play that game again.
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Ducky out, see y'all tomorrow with a new story *popcorn eat*
