The Other Stone of Cold Fire

[StardustSoldier]

(Decided I was no longer comfortable sharing this publicly, but you are welcome to PM me if you would still like to read it.)

[StardustSoldier]

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[StardustSoldier]

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[Sovereign]

It’s certainly a surprise to see three stories from you in the same day. This one is pretty intriguing as thus far it has been rather similar to the film. It’s a good twist to have Ducky see the Stone this time around as it creates more opportunities for something new in the later parts of this story.
Things have started to move forward quite quickly and many questions hang heavily in the air.

For example, it’s quite a coincidence that the Stone again landed on the Threehorn Peak and that the rainbowfaces are once again involved. Does this mean that this stone is actually real and that this time it actually holds the powers Pterano thought the first one would have? That seems to be a possibility right now and it would certainly hold some interesting possibilities.

However, I think there would have been potential for more in these first chapters. Most of the events have thus far been handled very quickly with relatively little tension or conflict between the characters. That’s a bit underwhelming as the Long Night proved you can do decent descriptions and thought analyses when you want to. However, this story still has established an interesting premise and it should be exciting to see in which direction you’ll go from now on.

[RainbowFaceProtege]

Well, the title of this story caught my eye.

I definitely enjoyed what you've written so far! The journey to find this other stone keeps seeming more ominous the more it follows the Gang's path to the first stone. It's as if you're warning that with everything being so eerily similar to the previous journey for so long, it's bound to hit the Gang hard when a change finally shows up...and when that change is revealed in the last sentence you posted, what a cliffhanger to leave us on!

For the most part, your characterization of everyone was very accurate. (I was happy to see that my personal favorites were as cryptically mysterious as ever. ) The only thing I'm going to nitpick over is how Cera began sobbing when she thought Spike was gone. While Cera would no doubt be upset if she lost any of her friends, I think this would manifest itself (at least at first) in a different way. She seems to be the type who would shout and kick things instead of breaking down and crying, or at least I don't think she'd let herself cry in front of anyone else. As a nitpick, however, this criticism only applies to a few sentences in a story where everyone is otherwise very well written.

I'm new to your fanfiction continuity, so I was unfamiliar with Pyra, but I'm assuming she's one of Cera's sisters from the first movie. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

In a nutshell, kudos for a job well done on this intriguing story so far! I'm anxious to see where this goes next!

[Anagnos]

The similarities between this story and the film cannot be overstated. Throughout the story thus far, the feeling of this being yet another version of the film's events start to fade away little by little, even if the premise is principally the same with disparate developments. Instead of having Littlefoot witness the spectacle yet again, the decision to pass down the opportunity to Ducky is a bit more original and seems to be the central point of the story as we can only hypothesise what this will mean for the swimmer in question.

Though, largely it felt like something crucial was absent from the story. The chain of events up until this point were concluded rather swiftly without much progress being made with the characters and how they feel. This is evident in the narrative when it feels like we jump from place to place and the idea seemed rather lost. Furthermore, originality in these types of stories is an essential component to make it feel original, and I was glad to see this happen in the story. It will be interesting to learn where Ducky will find herself in and what that could mean for the story.

[rhombus]

This story opens up as many questions as it answers thus far.  This time we are presented with another Stone of Cold Fire and, like the first time, it is witnessed by one of the gang.  Though this time it is Ducky... and rather than the grownups being informed the kids have decided to trek off on their own.  From that point on the story seems similar to the film, but divergent in a way that is sometimes difficult to explain, though it does seem that Ducky is being the proactive one in this adventure.  The warning from the rainbowfaces this time also sets another, more ominous, tone than the seventh film.  All of this makes the reveal of the stone and Ducky's envelopment by the vortex take on an even more serious undertone.

I do eagerly look forward to what this Stone of Cold Fire has in store for Ducky, though I do want to mention a few things about the narrative thus far.  Though the events that have been depicted make sense to me, and the characterization of the characters seems spot on, I do think that things seemed a bit rushed in these first five chapters.  It is not a critical fault, but it is one that I felt that I should mention.  Your response to the February prompt shows your ability to make truly awesome descriptive illustrations of the scenery through your words and, even if it might delay the posting of chapters somewhat, I think that level of description can do a lot for the pacing of a story.

I look forward to what you have in store for the gang next.