The Land Before Time: The Unthinkable

metadude1234 · **on:** March 19, 2009, 01:21:00 AM

this is a start for my new fanfic.....

If you want to find out more read the story!!!

metadude1234 · **Reply #1 on:** March 19, 2009, 01:27:44 AM

here it is

metadude1234 · **Reply #2 on:** March 19, 2009, 01:27:54 AM

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metadude1234 · **Reply #3 on:** March 19, 2009, 01:39:41 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #4 on:** March 19, 2009, 01:50:25 AM

the rest is on its way!!!

Nick22 · **Reply #5 on:** March 19, 2009, 02:02:47 AM

just a few points. When swearing, use (expletive) instead of the word. Next, when you've already posted part 1 there's no need to post part 1 again whe posting part 2..its redindant.. other that thats its not bad for your first go around. try and build up tension though with your posts..

metadude1234 · **Reply #6 on:** March 19, 2009, 02:45:17 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #7 on:** March 19, 2009, 02:53:12 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #8 on:** March 19, 2009, 02:55:49 AM

i'll start working on my next story soon!!!

hope you liked the story

and yes i no there lots of spelling errors in the story

thanks for reading my fanfic!!!

metadude1234 · **Reply #9 on:** March 19, 2009, 03:34:05 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #10 on:** March 19, 2009, 03:38:36 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #11 on:** March 19, 2009, 03:53:50 AM

metadude1234 · **Reply #12 on:** March 19, 2009, 04:23:38 AM

Serris · **Reply #13 on:** March 19, 2009, 04:18:59 PM

I have to admit the plot can be very workable but please work on your grammar and spelling. Also, don't use ellipses so much. Your story was almost unreadable.

Also, your story went by far too fast to build up any tension.

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #14 on:** March 19, 2009, 04:24:05 PM

That fanfic was alright.

metadude1234 · **Reply #15 on:** March 19, 2009, 05:08:47 PM

soz about my fanfic it was similar to a dream i had when i was younger
(it was based on my dream)

NeoGenesis005 · **Reply #16 on:** March 19, 2009, 07:15:12 PM

who would have thought a Jet would fall from the Sky

Nice one.

metadude1234 · **Reply #17 on:** March 19, 2009, 07:19:13 PM

Quote from: NeoGenesis005,Mar 19 2009 on 06:15 PM

who would have thought a Jet would fall from the Sky Nice one.

it was just part of the plot where a Defence force pilot goes back in time to stop the future from crumbling and going into chaos......

we all know how that turned out

(he died)

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #18 on:** March 19, 2009, 11:51:15 PM

Just a quick note fighter pilots are in a lot of air forces are officers.