New Fanfic idea!!!

metadude1234 · **on:** April 13, 2009, 06:55:51 AM

ok i have an idea for a new fanfic that will be part of a series

plot:

The gang are about 17 years of age and Chomper has met a female sharptooth called sally and Chomper and sally have set off looking for a place to live because sally couldn't speak flat-tooth very well and cera would constantly tease her.

Chomper would defend her by giving a low growl at cera to make cera aknowledge not to mess with sally.

Chomper runs into a rival sharptooth named Scarry because he had lots of scars from battles he had preveously lost. Scarry and chomper battled over sally but Chomper lost when scarry ripped chompers flesh open at his leg.

Sally was taken away by Scarry and Chomper was left there bleeding everywhere on the ground while he made a desperate attemt to try and get sally back but he fell over and fainted.....

that's all so far

Malte279 · **Reply #1 on:** April 13, 2009, 07:20:25 AM

Not quite in canon with LBT as we know it. It is not "normal" for a Sharptooth to live in the Great Valley (for all we know Chomper is a huge exception accepted only because he is as young and small as he is) and at age 17 Chomper could hardly life on insects only anymore.
Also it sounds like you mean for Sally to be a Damsel in distress kind of character. Doesn't she have any say in whom she wants to be with? And would she allow herself to be just "taken away"?
I think there are some more aspects you should consider.

metadude1234 · **Reply #2 on:** April 13, 2009, 07:52:31 AM

i may as well quit on doing this fic because it wouldn't work out right because i didn't intend for sally to be a damsel....i intended for sally to just go with Scarry because she though that he was stronger than chomper.

DarkHououmon · **Reply #3 on:** April 13, 2009, 09:21:18 AM

You don't have to quit on the fanfic. Just make some modifications. It's not unheard of for a writer to make several changes to their story during and/or before the course of writing.

LBTFan13 · **Reply #4 on:** April 13, 2009, 01:08:47 PM

I agree. Just because something doesn't seem to work at first doesn't mean you should give up on it immediately. Great things are never easy to accomplish. They take lots of work. You have a nice idea, but maybe you could modify it a bit. Here are some suggestions I thought of when reading your plot description.

1. Give more development bewteen Chomper and Sally. It is true, Chomper is a huge exception because he is so small and young, but Sally would probably not be so welcome in the valley. It would make a lot more sense if Chomper tried to hide Sally from the others and Cera found out and threatened to reveal her. That would cause conflict between her and Chomper and would give him a motive to leave the valley to find a home for Sally.

2. The description you had of Scarry tearing flesh off of Chomper's leg seems a bit too graphic in my opinion. I realize I probably shouldn't say anything about violence because there is some violence in my Revenge stories, but violence can only be tolerated at a certain level. Instead of describing it the way you did, try toning it down a little. Scarry could scratch or cut Chomper's leg and it would still give the image without the extensive violence.

3. If you intended for the story to end this way, then completely disregard this last suggestion, but I think the ending would be too depressing if it just stopped with Chomper losing Sally. Maybe after the battle if Chomper tried to win her back it would keep the pace of the story moving. It's always a bad idea to have a high action or suspenseful part in a story and then just stop it without really expanding on it further. If you want, you could even end it the way you thought of, but make it like a cliffhanger to lead up to another story. This would leave countless possibilities for you to work with.

These are just things I thought of, but then again it's your story so you write it however you please. If you need help or any more suggestions you can always ask me or anybody else who has written a fanfic. You have a great idea, you just need a little work on it. I hope you decide to stick with it because with a little work you could have a great story on your hands

metadude1234 · **Reply #5 on:** April 13, 2009, 06:22:04 PM

thanks for the tips!!! i will try to modify this to be more like LBT instead of all the gore (flesh of chomper leg getting ripped off)