LBT fan-fic

Jasper · **on:** August 15, 2009, 10:19:15 PM

So far I have gotten to chapter 2. I'm about to work on chapter 3. Boy it was difficult when I first started, but I managed to overcome it.

Plot: When the members of the decon (A very large group of various dinosaurs) all get corrupted and brain washed by someone in there own group they start attacking and killing the residents of the great valley. It's up to Littlefoot and his friends to find out who or what has corrupted the members of the Decon and why. Note: It took me over two months to think of a name for this group and yes after a while I did find a name I could use.

Here's a link. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/1/The_...Enter_The_Decon

Until then it's time to Enter The Decon's realm.

Jasper · **Reply #1 on:** August 19, 2009, 02:40:31 AM

Here is Chapter 3. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/3/The_...Enter_The_Decon

Jasper · **Reply #2 on:** August 20, 2009, 02:19:39 AM

Chapter 4 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/4/The_...Enter_The_Decon

Jasper · **Reply #3 on:** August 29, 2009, 03:06:57 AM

After a week of not posting any chapters here is Chapter 5. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/5/

I'm currently working on Chapter 6 right now. Expect that probably tonight or tomorrow night.

Jasper · **Reply #4 on:** September 06, 2009, 05:38:28 AM

Sorry I took a while as things were being a little rough, but here's Chapter 6 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/6/

Jasper · **Reply #5 on:** September 12, 2009, 03:04:08 PM

Chapter 7 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/7/

Chapter 8 will be on very shortly as it is finished I'm going through the process of checking it. Chapters will be on every week usually two or possible three chapters.

Jasper · **Reply #6 on:** September 12, 2009, 05:23:34 PM

Chapter 8 is now up, but Fanfiction.com maybe having some issues.

Jasper · **Reply #7 on:** September 13, 2009, 11:22:19 PM

Looks like I did chapter 9 at a very good clip.

Chapter 9 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/9/

Between Chapter 10-15 there's going to be a large scale battle taking place, which will show everyone either in action or getting hurt in some way.

Until then it's time for me to enter the decon.

Jasper · **Reply #8 on:** September 28, 2009, 02:58:07 AM

After several delays due to some school and some other issues that needed to be worked out, here's Chapter 10!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/10/The...Enter_The_Decon

Caustizer · **Reply #9 on:** September 28, 2009, 10:32:57 AM

One thing I've noticed is that there are lots of things unexplained in this story, namely what the decon actually is, what an alimon is, and how the residents of your valley know who Cj is.

One of the worst things a writer can do is to start a story assuming that the reader knows everything you do about it, and work from there. Things can get very confusing very fast.

Other then that try to start with the Gang in all of the LBT stories, because its a very healthy platform to begin building your story on. Everyone knows who Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, and Petrie are, so you don't need to explain them right away. From there you introduce your new characters, and build on that foundation.

Chapter 1 for example, features Lance, Cj and Ace (three characters we don't know and have never heard of) murdering an innocent swimmer out of hatred to the valley (we don't know why) and defeating Topsy without breaking stride (something not even a sharptooth could do). An alternative way you could have written this chapter - if I might make a humble suggestion - would have been to introduce the gang first, and then bring in your OC villians and describe them how the gang percieves them, which is the point of view the reader can relate to.

A few modest structural improvements and I can see this story being a good one.

DarkHououmon · **Reply #10 on:** September 28, 2009, 10:43:23 AM

The alimons are my species (I gave Jasper permission to use them). They're a race of fictional dinosaurs (and possibly aliens since I've played around with the idea of them being aliens instead of dinos) that look like sauropods but are carnivorous.

They've been used in a couple LBT fanfics. The role they played was..divided, since some were good and some were evil. There were two packs of alimons. There's the Rock Rangers, who act as guardians, hiding the valley's walls, and are the very reason sharpteeth can't get in the valley (they often don't live to see another day). The other pack is the Darkarians, who wish to take over the Great Valley and use it as their hunting grounds.

The alimons appeared in my story Out of the Shadows and they are also present in Keni's A Sharptooth's Heart II where they play a large role. They also do appear in Keni's Land Before Time: Battle Network, an LBT/Megaman crossover.

Caustizer · **Reply #11 on:** September 28, 2009, 10:58:11 AM

Do you have a picture of them, so I have a good reference?

DarkHououmon · **Reply #12 on:** September 28, 2009, 11:12:54 AM

I have 3 different ways of drawing them.

Their main current design:

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...nduelsketch.jpg They aren't happy here; they are angry. I was playing around with their expressions and was trying to make them seem less human by having the smile be something they'd do when they were angry, not happy.
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...limonsketch.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...blindalimon.png

LBT style:

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...kenicolored.png

Dino Squad style:

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...age7colored.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...oredcorrect.jpg
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u72/Inf...ge10colored.jpg

They originally were drawn with squared off muzzles like in the LBT style and Dino Squad style, but I recently started drawing them with heads more like theropods. But some things about them still remain the same.

1. They still look a bit like sauropods, with long necks and being four-legged.
2. They have dexterous front paws and can use them as hands.
3. The males have long feathers on the back of their necks while females have short, downy manes.
4. They can rear up on their hind legs (though this used to be something they could do effortlessly all the time, I changed it so that they can't do it very often due to it being strenuous or something).
5. They are intelligent.
6. They are pack hunters.
7. Since I have a hard time trying to make characters look different, I had the alimons be multi-colored, using color as their main way, other than scent, to tell each other apart.

The alimons went through several design changes over the years. I've been designing them since around...2000 I believe. Probably should still touch up on a few things here or there though.

Jasper · **Reply #13 on:** September 28, 2009, 05:15:04 PM

Quote from: Caustizer,Sep 28 2009 on 09:32 AM

One thing I've noticed is that there are lots of things unexplained in this story, namely what the decon actually is, what an alimon is, and how the residents of your valley know who Cj is.

One of the worst things a writer can do is to start a story assuming that the reader knows everything you do about it, and work from there. Things can get very confusing very fast.

Other then that try to start with the Gang in all of the LBT stories, because its a very healthy platform to begin building your story on. Everyone knows who Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Spike, and Petrie are, so you don't need to explain them right away. From there you introduce your new characters, and build on that foundation.

Chapter 1 for example, features Lance, Cj and Ace (three characters we don't know and have never heard of) murdering an innocent swimmer out of hatred to the valley (we don't know why) and defeating Topsy without breaking stride (something not even a sharptooth could do). An alternative way you could have written this chapter - if I might make a humble suggestion - would have been to introduce the gang first, and then bring in your OC villians and describe them how the gang percieves them, which is the point of view the reader can relate to.

A few modest structural improvements and I can see this story being a good one.

Thanks for the advice and I'll get to it right now.

Jasper · **Reply #14 on:** October 18, 2009, 01:15:34 AM

After taking a break from writing I have returned to writing.

Chapter 11

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/11/

Jasper · **Reply #15 on:** October 24, 2009, 10:26:55 PM

To make a quick note Chapter 14 and 15 will be a flashback on one of the antagonists and will be long too.

Jasper · **Reply #16 on:** November 07, 2009, 02:01:36 AM

Chapter 12

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/12/

Jasper · **Reply #17 on:** November 21, 2009, 12:11:47 AM

After long delays and being discouraged several times here is Chapter 13.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/13/

Jasper · **Reply #18 on:** November 25, 2009, 02:28:18 AM

Here is Chapter 14

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/14/The...Enter_The_Decon

Jasper · **Reply #19 on:** November 26, 2009, 02:32:14 AM

Here is part 2 to the flashback

Chapter 15

This chapter has now been updated.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5291867/15/