The Gang of Five
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The Land Before Time: Far Away Home

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Caustizer

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Part III: Journey through the Caves


The river ran through the wide caverns like a snake through the tall grass, and everywhere the subtle echo of flowing water reverberated amongst the stone.  It was a highly familiar scene, but strangely Ruby found it quite calming as she jumped from rock to rock being careful not to slip.  The current had carried Kepsla the shell swimmer far ahead as he said it would, so the fastrunner and the gang behind her were forced to catch up as swiftly as they could.  The process of navigating treacherous underground caves had become something of a science to them now, with Ruby jumping ahead to see how far it was to the next ledge or rock with Gentry and Cera following shortly after.  Thylo was just as eager to attempt long leaps over the river, but after she nearly drowned a few times the group decided it wasn’t such a good idea.  Glide was bringing up the rear, and got stuck with the duty of tossing Chomper and Thylo across the gaps too large for them to jump themselves.  Both the sharptooth and the spiketail thoroughly enjoyed this part of the trek, but Glide made no attempt to hide his displeasure and often muttered things about ëbabysitting’ or ëhatchlings’ under his breath.





A few hours earlier the group had awoken from an undisturbed but uncomfortable sleep to see Kepsla already slipping into the water, ready to guide them onwards for the day.

“It’s kinda rough in this next part,” the shell swimmer commented, “the fast water is going to push me down pretty quick, so you’ll all have to meet me at the bottom.”

“Ugh,” moaned Cera as she dipped her foot testingly, “more fast water…”

“Second that one,” added Gentry with a sigh.

“What’s the matter threehorn,” taunted Glide as he brushed off his wings, “afraid to get a little wet.”

That struck a nerve.  Cera still had hard feelings about when the two wingtail kidnappers had tossed her into the lake and shattered her previously untouched ego.  As far as she was concerned, this Glide was as good as one of them and his comment set her off.

“I’m not afraid of anything!” shouted Cera back, “and I’m definitely not afraid of you… don’t make me teach you a lesson you won’t forget!”

Glide’s eyes narrowed and he uncrossed his arms, cracking his knuckles.

“Try me.”

“Cera,” interrupted Ruby in an attempt to diffuse the situation, and she directed Cera away from the black wingtail, “maybe we should get going so we can keep going to get out of here.”

Cera pushed her away with her horn.

“What is wrong with you?” the threehorn demanded, “he’s one of them!  All he wants is to keep us down here like the rest of those freaks!”

“But then why would he go through all that to rescue us, shera mate?” added Gentry as he poked his finger at her for emphasis.

The threehorn shot him a glare that clearly said ëyou’re next’.

“Well because… because…” Cera stammered, “…because they want to eat us!”

Thylo laughed at the absurdity of the accusation, and she wasn’t the only one.  Chomper giggled while Gentry snorted, but covered it up as a cough as he tended to do.  Cera rolled her eyes at their response, and for a moment there was silence as they were all reminded about how hungry they were.  Sure they had fed on some kinds of cave moss and had lots of water, but every single one of them craved a more sustaining meal.  The night before Glide had caught a frog, and Kepsla had gasped in fear and retreated into his shell so he didn’t have to see the wingtail crush it’s bones with his jaw.  In an act of unforeseen kindness, the black flyer had given it over to Chomper who was nearly going mad from his hunger.  It had been a unique moment at the time.

“I for one think he’s nice,” asserted Chomper as he stuck up for his friend.

Glide smiled at the praise, but only briefly before his face returned once again to his signature neutral expression.





Ruby’s remembering of the morning was interrupted by a sudden rush of air.  It was not the speed or the intensity of the wind, but the smell that caught her off guard.  The scent was fresh and new, just like what one would sense in an open meadow.  They were nearing the outside!

“Hey… hey,” called back Ruby to the rest of the group which was lagging slightly behind, “up ahead… I can smell the smell of green food, we’re almost there!”

Along the line there were sighs of relief, and they quickened the pace.  After ten minutes there was a shining of light and a notable increase in temperature.  Ruby found a solid ledge next to the river and broke into a run, skipping over loose rocks and obstacles with an agility only her kind could hope to achieve.  When she finally crested the underground ridge that was the source of the light, it was so bright she had to cover her eyes.  Soon the others joined her and faced the same harsh glare.

“Wow,” commented Chomper in wonder, “it’s beautiful.”

The cavern that extended before them was gaping and wide, and resembled more of an enclosed canyon then a cave.  In the roof, blue sky was visible and the sun was shining through, reflecting off strange flat rocks and illuminating the entire place brightly.  The location was about the size of half a football arena, and everywhere the ground teamed with life.  The river they had been following rolled down a brief set of rapids before emptying into a small pond that filled the bottom of the chamber except where brilliant islands of grass and leaves sprouted from it’s waters. Even along the massive canyon walls patches of green flared out all the way to the top.  Clearly this was the best they could have hoped for – a near paradise.

Ruby, Cera, Gentry, Chomper, Glide, and Thylo could only gape in wonder at the dream-like quality of where they stood.  The spiketail was the first to wiggle free of the spell.

“I can’t believe we found so much green food!” she cried in joy, “And I was so hungry but now there’s so much to eat I’m not sure what to go for first and I…”

Gentry clamped her mouth shut gently with his fingers, and shushed her with his other hand.

“Slowly now… don’t want to go filling our ears again,” the egg-stealer commented with a laugh.

Thylo might have been annoyed, but she was too excited about the new source of food that she just dashed on forward, and ploughed into the nearest bush with enthusiasm.  The sounds of her munching soon filled the air around, though nobody could actually see her head.

Glide suddenly spread his wings wide, stretching them out and preparing for flight.  One of them clipped Cera on purpose or by accident, and she yipped and jumped out of the way.  Before the threehorn could respond, the black wingtail had taken off and was soaring around the cavern looking for prey to catch.

“Oh boy,” urged Chomper eagerly. “come on Ruby lets go get some water swimmers!”

“Maybe later,” answered the fastrunner, and she glanced over where Kepsla was sunning himself on a rock, “…I have something I need to do first.”

“Okay,” sighed Chomper, and he set out towards the river.  Hopefully he could catch one on his own.

With the sharptooth’s departure only Ruby, Gentry and Cera remained.

“I gotta craving for some eggs-stuff,” stated Gentry as he licked his lips, “mind… it looks like I’m gonna have to settle with the green stuff.”

Cera suddenly realized that she had missed the big opportunity to lead, and jumped to it.

“Okay everyone,” she said loudly, “let’s all go eat.”

It was a little late though, as Gentry and Ruby were already leaving.

“Hrmm,” grumbled Cera as she looked around and became aware of this fact.





Kepsla was laying on a nice hot rock, and his eyes were closed.  This must be what shell swimmers did during their spare time, surmised Ruby as she approached.  There was a small puddle in her path, and as she stepped lightly in it the splashing sound awoke Kepsla.

“Hi,” said Ruby nervously.

She was never really good at introductions, or at least she was more careful about them now that she had suffered from a bad one.

“Oh hey,” replied Kepsla with a yawn, “I see you guys made it safe and sound… Rozzy would be glad you didn’t get swept up again like last time.”

A cold tingle crept up Ruby’s spine as she suddenly realized exactly where she knew the shell swimmer from.  During the Storm Tide, she had been swept up by a rampaging river and she nearly drowned, but thankfully she washed up on shore down the gorge.  She had passed out, but not before she called for help from two others who were nearby – Kepsla the shell swimmer and Rozzy the egg stealer.  Rozzy was Ozzy and Shira’s son, and he hated his parents enough to detest it when they made him show her around the Dawn Valley… the place where she had landed.  What started as a passive resentment turned into friendship, respect, and finally love.

Rozzy had saved her life twice, and Ruby could never forget it.  He was kind of mean at times, but he always came around and if he had been a fastrunner they would have been mates for sure.  The last time she saw him was as he walked away in the tow of his father, before his image was consumed by the pouring rain.  It was the main reason being around Gentry had been strange at first, because his species reminded her so much of her old friend and crush.

“Is he… still around and okay?” managed Ruby awkwardly.  She didn’t know what else to ask.

“Oh yeah,” answered Kepsla sincerely, “and he’s in love too… I saw him and his female friend the last time our families visited the Dawn Valley.”

Ruby felt a pang of jealously, and her facial expression betrayed it. Kepsla slipped back into his shell so only his nose was showing.

“Why are you mad?” he peeped, “was it me… did I say something?”

“No,” said Ruby reassuringly as she hid her emotions, “I’m glad he’s okay.”

Clearly Rozzy had moved on, and in that moment Ruby made up her mind to as well.

After all, there were plenty of water swimmers in the lake.





Chomper was usually pretty good at finding food, but this place seemed to be getting the better of him.  There were no stinging buzzers, or flying insects of any kind amongst the curious plant life living in the canyon.  After half an hour of fruitlessly searching, he gave up and tried to catch a water swimmer but found he was terrible at it.  As he smacked the surface of the pond in frustration, there was a small thud of landing feet nearby.

“Having trouble?” came the familiar voice of a black wingtail behind him.

The sharptooth didn’t bother turning around, and instead remained concentrated on his task.

“Yeah… these things are too quick to catch,” Chomper remarked as he tried again, “I don’t know how you and Ruby do it.”

“Perhaps you should go after more suitable prey…” Glide suggested thoughtfully.

This time Chomper did turn around, and he was just in time to see the wingtail put on a devilish smile and jerk his head towards Thylo.  The spiketail was so engrossed with eating that only her rear end was showing.  The sounds of her munching were just loud enough to be distracting.

“I can’t eat them,” said Chomper nervously, “they are my friends.”

“That is until your hunger turns you against them,” replied Glide, “you feel it already now don’t you?  The calling of your natural instinct to hunt.”

There was a moment of awkward silence as Chomper looked around to see if anyone else was listening.

“Why are you so mean all the time?” the sharptooth asked neutrally, more out of curiosity then in attack.

Glide crossed his arms and stuck up his nose.

“I’m not being mean, I’m being realistic.  Mark my words one day you’re going to wake up and find that water swimmers simply aren’t good enough.”

The black wingtail leaned forward.

“And when that day comes, you will forced to either kill… or die.”

Chomper looked down at the ground, and a tear welled up in his eye.

“I know,” he whimpered.

Glide suddenly felt a rush of guilt.  It was one thing to incite an adult but hurting a child was wrong, and it went against what he believed in.  As Chomper turned away to hide his emotions, the wingtail thought about taking back what he had said… but he couldn’t.  The only thing to do was to apologise and try to set things right, but that kind of thing wasn’t his specialty.  As hard as it was he had to give it a try.

The black wingtail took a few steps forward and sat down slowly.  He leaned his right arm on his knee, waiting for the right moment to speak.  The two of them were right next to the water, and as it calmly flowed by like it didn’t have a care in the world, the intensity of the moment slipped away.

“Sometimes I wish I could change too,” Glide admitted with a sigh.

Chomper sniffed and rubbed his nose.

“W-What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean… I wish I could’ve brought back my parents, and then maybe I could have lived a normal childhood like the others.”

“You lost your parents?” Chomper added with a tone of sorrow.

“I did…”

Glide picked up a stone and tossed it up in the air.  When it came back down he caught it handily, and with a scowl he tossed it out into the lake.  The stone skipped almost the entire way across before sinking to the bottom.

“…we did… my sister was just a wingling back then and she needed me.  I was like a father to her.”

There was a bit of bitterness in Glide’s tone, but nothing overwhelming.  It was clear that he didn’t think she thought the same of him now.  Chomper opened his mouth to ask another question, but just as he did a large flier swooped into the canyon-like cave from above.  He was pretty far away from them, but even from the distance the sharptooth could see that he was a wingtail and that he was a shade of blue.

“Wow,” commented Chomper, ëwho’s that?”

Glide didn’t answer. Instead, he snarled viciously.  That wingtail looked an awful lot like another one he knew….

The wingtail did a circle in the air, before curving his wings and diving into a fissure in the canyon walls above.

“Do you think it’s one of them?”

Chomper was referring to Eybron’s wingtails.

“I don’t know,” replied Glide finally, “but I intend to find out.”

“Wait,” interjected the sharptooth, “we should bring the others too… so we can stick together.”

Glide did not take his eyes off the fissure, and nodded his agreement passively.  In the next breath, Chomper had gone off to find the rest of the group and get them back together.


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The volcanic ash clouds still blotted out the sun in places, and it was proving very difficult for the Feral Forest to settle back into a normal routine as nobody was getting up on time thanks to the endless darkness.  As the first light shined through a gap in the sky, Star met with the other teachers and they made up their mind to start their classes again.  The wingtail children who did not suffer a loss in the family had been enjoying their time off, but now their parents were starting to have the urge to get rid of them again during the day.  As it would turn out, Star got the duty of teaching the first class in the morning.  It was glass-working, her specialty.

“Good morning everyone,” Star said as her thirty students sat and conversed in the trees at the edge of the Coidal Springs, her teaching place.

They all went silent, and waited for her to continue.

“Because of the recent events over at the Black Mountain, I’ve been thinking that we could go today to collect some samples for our work.”

There were strings of whispers that erupted from various parts of the group.

“But isn’t that dangerous?” said a girl wingtail from the back.

“Yeah, my parents don’t want me to go anywhere that death crater,” remarked another.

“That sounds so cool… we could see an entire lake of rock!”

“Children please,” interrupted Star, trying to get them to quiet down, “if you don’t want to go then I understand completely…  All I’m saying is that it would be an excellent opportunity for us to learn all about…”

Star trailed off as she noticed something odd.  All the students in the front row had backed away from her, some with looks of fright in their eyes.  Other young wingtails in the rear had taken off and fled altogether.

“… It’s not that frightening,” she said as reassuringly as she could, confused at her class’s reaction to the suggestion, “really it will only be a short trip, and I promise we will return in time for the afternoon feed.”

“Ah… you certainly have a way with children, don’t you my dear?”

Star whirled around at the sound of the voice, only to come face to face with Eybron.  The white wingtail had snuck up on her, and was almost close enough to grab her if he wanted to try.  He was quite dirty and unkempt for a wingtail, and there was a glint of insanity in his eyes that she had never seen before.  Surprisingly, he was alone.  Star concluded that he was the reason the children were so scared.

“It’s over,” declared Star boldly, “you have no more followers or power.  I humbly request you leave so I can continue with my duties.”

Eybron took a step closer, and brushed back his frill as if he was preparing for a date.  Star was getting nervous now, and backed away.

“I’m warning you Eybron… don’t make me hurt you.”

“So desperate,” remarked the white wingtail poetically, “and so violent.  Symptoms of another love lost beneath the… shall we say… burning desires of nature.”

Star stood her ground, and growled as if she was about to lunge at him.

“And yet you continue to refuse my offers of courtship… you fight against the inevitable tide that is my love of you.  I demand respect everywhere I go… and I get it.  Such it would be for you too if you sat by my side, and stayed with me in my tree.  Tell me, why is it that for all I have to give you still refuse?”

Star continued her growling, and glared at him with hate.  Eybron could see his speech wasn’t penetrating, so he tried a different tactic.

“This is a wonderful group you have under your care here,” the white wingtail said with a casual glance in the direction of the students, “it would be a real pity if something were to happen to one of them under your watch.”

He was threatening the children… she had to do something.

“You want to know why I don’t want you Eybron?” she said boldly.

“Do tell…” replied Eybron with a devilish grin.

“Because I could never court a BLOODY MURDERER!”

Star charged at him, and aimed a blow directly at his head.  He was too fast however and caught both her arms in his iron grip.  It was painful, and she winced as he squeezed her wrists.  Eybron pulled her in close… so close she felt his hot breathe on her face.

“I always loved a female with a little bit of fight,” he whispered as he licked the side of her face.

“Let go of my niece Eybron, or you will have to deal with me.”

The white wingtail scowled, and let Star fall to the ground.

“Ah Sturgeon,” he remarked snidely, “finally decided to take an interest in your loved ones?”

Star’s uncle Sturgeon had showed up just on time, and he stood not alone but with two of his own friends by his side. The three wingtails had landed on the ground while the exchange between Eybron and Star was taking place, and the brown wingtail looked ready to fight.  

“I couldn’t stand by any longer while you tear my family apart Eybron… somebody has to teach you a lesson about good manners.”

“Hah… bring it on old fool,” taunted the white wingtail with disrespect, “you couldn’t hurt a water swimmer.”

The children had for the most part fled, but some remained and watched as the bitter scene played out.  So much action was going on in the Feral Forest these days it was tough for the more wary of them to keep up, so it was exciting to see things play out first hand.

The fight had nearly begun when another wingtail swooped in from the air.  He had an aura of authority that made all four flyers stop what they were doing to hear what he had to say.

“Are you the one called ëEybron’?” the royal guard said with a bored tone, like he would rather be somewhere else.

“Yes,” answered the white wingtail with annoyance.

“You have been summoned to the council of elders,” the green wingtail said, “they requested you immediately, so do not be late.”

“Of course,” growled Eybron as he waved the guard away like one would a pest.

The green wingtail did not move.

“They have also requested the presence of all teachers,” he continued, looking blankly at Star, “you have also been demanded immediately… do not be late.”

On that note, the royal guard departed.  Eybron spread his wings smugly and made haste to follow, as did Star albight a bit more reluctantly.

“This isn’t over Eybron,” remarked Sturgeon bitterly, “I’ll see to it you will pay for what you have done.”

As he flew away and rounded the trees Eybron made a mental note in his mind to kill that wingtail when he had the chance.  Sturgeon was an obstacle to his courtship of Star… and just like Sky he would need to be dealt with.


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Caustizer

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I've added the picture of Eybron to the first post, for anyone who hasn't seen it yet  :smile

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Pangaea

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Sorry for the slight delay. (Anyone else gonna comment on this chapter? :confused)

I felt like I was being teased (in a good way) by this chapter. :p After all the events of the previous chapter that I assumed would beget increased action, I was constantly expecting something dramatic to happen, only for it not to. Arguments between the characters; arrivals at new locations home to unknown creatures; fleeting appearances of potentially new characters. Even the last part with the wingtails, by far the tensest in the entire chapter, followed this pattern. The confrontation between Eybron and Sturgeon seemed set to escalate into a very ugly battle, only to be abruptly interrupted. This was in no way disappointing; on the contrary, it’s an example of exactly the kind of storytelling I enjoy: the kind that keeps me on my toes and feels exciting even when things are relatively uneventful. :yes

Quote
Thylo was just as eager to attempt long leaps over the river, but after she nearly drowned a few times the group decided it wasn’t such a good idea.
This made me laugh. I’m sorry if that sounds bad, but I just found the understatement of it all hilarious. :lol

Apparently Kepsla’s not much of a talker. He recognized Ruby and didn’t even mention it. He provided an interesting update on Rozzy, though. Poor Ruby; I hope she finds a mate eventually (though evidently she won’t in this story).

It’s pretty surprising that Chomper wouldn’t find any insects in the canyon. Normally, places with water and plenty of plant life are teeming with them. (They are Earth’s most abundant macroscopic land animals, after all.) Perhaps there’s a surplus of insectivorous creatures in the area?

Excellent job making Eybron feel like a creep (and a threatening and unflappableópun unintendedóone at that). That was also a very unnerving scene. I distinctly felt my adrenaline flow increase as I was reading that part.

It may please you to know that I really didn’t find that many errors in this chapter (or else I’m becoming less observant :unsure:); here are the ones I did notice:

Quote
The river ran through the wide caverns like a snake through the tall grass, and everywhere the subtle echo of flowing water reverberated amongst the stone. It was a highly familiar scene, but strangely Ruby found it quite calming as she jumped from rock to rock* being careful not to slip.
”Amongst” sounds really strange here, and I’m not sure if it’s grammatically accurate. I would suggest changing it to “against” or “across”.
*Comma.

 
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“What’s the matter* threehorn,” taunted Glide as he brushed off his wings, “afraid to get a little wet.
The punctuation marks at the end of both of Glide’s lines should be question marks.
*Comma.

Quote
The night before* Glide had caught a frog, and Kepsla had gasped in fear and retreated into his shell so he didn’t have to see the wingtail crush it’s bones with his jaw. In an act of unforeseen kindness, the black flyer had given it over to Chomper* who was nearly going mad from his hunger.
If Glide didn’t actually get around to chewing up the frog, then “didn’t” should be “wouldn’t”. Also, “it’s” should be “its”, and I think it might be more accurate to use the plural “jaws”.
*Comma.

Quote
The river they had been following rolled down a brief set of rapids before emptying into a small pond that filled the bottom of the chamber except where brilliant islands of grass and leaves sprouted from it’s waters. Even along the massive canyon walls* patches of green flared out all the way to the top.
”It’s” should be “its”.
*Comma.

Quote
“I gotta craving for some eggs-stuff,” stated Gentry as he licked his lips, “[COLOR]mind[/COLOR]… it looks like I’m gonna have to settle with the green stuff.”
Are there supposed to be any words before this one? If not, it should probably be capitalized, and maybe have an apostrophe in front of it if it’s a partial word or phrase (in the manner of “’em” being a partially spoken “them”).

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The wingtail children who did not suffer a loss in the family had been enjoying their time off, but now their parents were starting to have the urge to get rid of them again during the day.
Should be “had not suffered”.

Quote
Eybron pulled her in close… so close she felt his hot breathe on her face.
Should be “breath.”

Can’t wait for more chapters! :smile



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Caustizer

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I figured while you are all waiting for the next chapter of Far Away Home (at least I hope your waiting... nobody commented on the last chapter but Pangaea  :oops) I would include a bit of a change of pace.

Heres a preview of things to come in the next few chapters!



The next part is in progress, and is actually going to be a bit long since it really defines the rest of the Act and in fact the story.

A million thanks to Sky for making this picture for me, and the reason the background is white is because he is so busy I didn't want to pester him for a background  :angel

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Pangaea

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I’d just like to make a statement that I hope everyone who reads this story will see:

I could be wrong (and I kind of hope I am :unsure:), but the fact that so few people are commenting on this story besides me gives me the uneasy impression that my own lengthy and comprehensive style of giving feedback is deterring other members from posting their thoughts. My suspicion is that other potential reviewers see my posts (or even simply know that I am diligently and committedly leaving feedback on each chapter) and figure that there is no room for them to say anything helpful. And this doesn’t just go for Far Away Home, either. It seems that almost every fanart and fanfiction thread that I post in on a regular basis sees a decline in the number of other commenters once I start doing so. The Chronicler’s story, Quest for the Energy Stones, for instance, has not seen a single post by anyone besides its author and myself since I started posting reviews there. :o

I hate to think that I am inadvertently discouraging others from leaving feedback. In fact, the possibility makes me feel rather self-conscious, like I am “hogging” the position of reviewer. I as well as Caustizer would appreciate input from more readers than just myself.

Some authors and artists may be okay with getting limited feedback on their work, if the feedback they do receive is of very high quality. Many, however, probably prefer to have multiple reviewers, so that their work is being evaluated from several different perspectives. Receiving opinions from many different people better enables an author or artist to understand how he or she can produce work that appeals to a large audience.

Even if a comment is not especially long or informative, it at least tells the author or artist that his or her work is being viewed and (hopefully) appreciated by that person. Comments from many different people indicate a large audience, which in turn encourages the author or artist to continue working.

It seems to me that Caustizer is looking for quantity as well as quality of reviewers. No matter how good the feedback from any single individual may be, it’s still coming from just one person. And I know that he is concerned about his readers losing interest in the story, so comments represent verification for him that his audience is still present.

And as obsessively nitpicky and detail-conscious as my reviews may be, even I don’t notice everything. Serris, for example, has identified several typos and other errors in the chapters that I did not catch. I’m also not so good at noticing subtleties such as foreshadowing, or remembering specific events from prior chapters that may be referenced again. My reviews are NOT all-encompassing; there ARE gaps that can be filled in, and your posts will not be seen as insignificant merely because they are less thorough than mine.

Plus, I’d like to know if I’m the only one noticing certain details and patterns in the story, or if I’m just the editorial equivalent of a guy trapped in a cabin by a blizzard who starts to see faces in the knotholes of the furniture because he’s had no one to talk to for too long. If you have opinions that relate to and/or differ from my opinions, I’m interested to know (and I’m sure Caustizer is as well).

I would encourage everyone who is following this story (as well as other members’ works I have been reviewing) to post comments now and again, describing what you thought of the chapters, what you found interesting, any errors or inconsistencies you may have noticed that I didn’t, or even just to second one of my remarks. Both Caustizer and I would appreciate it. :yes



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Caustizer

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Thank you for your show of support Pangaea  :angel

I'm thinking that people have probably just moved on, since there is a ton of other LBT stuff out there to do as well.

I haven't heard from CT in a while, and Serris probably has his hands full with the Role Playing and Twilight Valley.

If it comes down to it I may just have to delay or cancel the story altogether due to lack of interest  :cry , but I doubt that will happen since the ending is so close and it's only going to get better from here.

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I'm still following Far Away Home, so I'm still here and interested.  The only thing that's been holding me back from posting is a lack of constructive words.  I don't want to cause anybody to have bad feelings here, so just know that I'm not annoyed by Pangaea's reviews.  It's just that he spells out all the areas for improvement so meticulously that I don't have anything else to add usually.  I don't blame him at all for his reviews.  I mean, who else on the GOF goes so far as to not only help out with grammatical errors but also go through the process of quoting lines from the chapter and highlighting where the problem area is?  His reviews are very helpful, and I don't want him to be discouraged from doing something that is very helpful to fanfic writers.

I hate to make a post with just the words "Great chapter!" or "Update soon!" since these sound like statments that are not well thought out and not constructive to the author.  If it does help to keep encouragement in finishing this fanfic, then I'll make sure to post in here more often.  Sorry if I came across as disinterested :neutral.


Sky

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Please, do not cancel the story!  :o I'm sure you know how I feel about Far Away Home. :cry
I try to comment after every chapter that comes out, but the only things I say are only "Great chapter as always!" or "Can't wait for the next chapter!", which aren't really helpful either. :unsure:
The only thing I can do, is to support Far Away Home with artworks. :neutral


Pangaea

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With all due respect, Caustizer, that statement of possibly canceling the story did come off as a little theatrical (like you’re desperately trying to get the silent readers to speak up). I don’t need to tell you how I’d feel if you went through with that. :p (I’d probably panic if you hadn’t said it’s not likely to happen.) However, I imagine that you might be less inclined to write the sequel you mentioned earlier if I remain the only reader who consistently posts responses to Far Away Home, and that is understandable.

@CT & Sky: Yeah, I understand what you mean about being reluctant to just post a simple exclamation of approval and/or anticipation for the next chapter. You’d be surprised how hard it actually can be for me to come up with comments on a chapter, even if I loved it. If my reviews consisted purely of proofreading observations, then they might be helpful for spellchecking purposes, but they wouldn’t provide much encouragement to the writer or express what I thought of the story.

I hope I’m not simply repeating what I said in my earlier post, but my suggestions for posting more in-depth responses to chapters include identifying scenes or lines of dialogue that you particularly liked or had a strong reaction to, or stating whether you agreed or disagreed with a comment from a previous reviewer (For instance, CT, I was interested to hear what you thought of Cera’s recent adoption of a leadership role in her group ;)). Basically, start with comment frameworks like the following:
Quote
ï “I laughed at the part when __________.”

ï “The scene where __________ was (insert adjective)!”

ï “The part where __________ reminded me of __________.”

ï “Like (insert name of previous reviewer), I thought that __________.”

. . . filling in the blanks with whatever is suitable. If ideas for comments don’t come to me right away while I’m reading the chapter, that’s pretty much how I think of things to say in my reviews (Likewise, when ideas DO pop into my head while I’m reading, they often fit into categories like the examples I mentioned). :yes

I hope some of that is helpful. :)



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Caustizer

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Although I would prefer quality reviews, a simple "great chapter" is always a hundred times better then silence.  It may not be intricate or well worded, but most importantly it tells me that you are still here reading it and that you are enjoying it.  To me, there is no greater satisfaction then that  :smile  When people are reading but not posting, I have no way of knowing and after a while start to assume the worst.

On a slightly more pleasant note, what do you all think of the picture Sky made for me posted above?

He always does such a good job on these, it almost feels like I am defacing it by adding quotations from a part of the story.


Caustizer.


Cancerian Tiger

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Actually, I like the quotes that were added to the picture.  There's something about the quotations that make the picture even more interesting.  I just can't pinpoint it :p.

Pangaea: Of course it made me happy to see Cera have some leadership time in Far Away Home :yes.  I honestly wish Universal would have her do this more often in the series WITHOUT havin' her screw up each time :bang.  Don't get me wrong, I really like the real Littlefoot's character, not the arrogant imposter they put in the TV series.  However, whenever I think about it, I do get tired of him always being the leader in the series.  If the others are not given more chances to be leaders, how will they grow to know good leadership?  That's just a pet peeve of mine :p.


Pangaea

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Quote from: Caustizer,Jun 9 2010 on  11:24 PM
On a slightly more pleasant note, what do you all think of the picture Sky made for me posted above?

He always does such a good job on these, it almost feels like I am defacing it by adding quotations from a part of the story.
At first glance, I think I didn’t realize that the picture was much different from Sky in the picture with Guido you posted at the very beginning of this thread :oops (Having since compared the two, I now see that this picture of Sky is very differentóand much better, in my opinion). I notice that it looks a lot like your Glide avatar, Caustizer, only it’s obviously a different wingtail wearing a more contemplative expression. I can’t get over how well Sky does eyes :wow (How appropriate, considering they’re one of the themes of your story).

The picture’s fantastic on its own, but it doesn’t have a whole lot of relevence to the story (besides representing one of its chief characters) without the quotes. (By the way, I noticed that the corner of the ëP’ in the third speech balloon seems to be cut off.)

So they’re traveling west to reach a valley of salvation, eh? Sounds familiar. :p

I can't tell you how excited I am for the next chapter. :DD

Quote from: Cancerian Tiger,Jun 10 2010 on  11:31 PM
Pangaea: Of course it made me happy to see Cera have some leadership time in Far Away Home :yes. I honestly wish Universal would have her do this more often in the series WITHOUT havin' her screw up each time :bang. Don't get me wrong, I really like the real Littlefoot's character, not the arrogant imposter they put in the TV series. However, whenever I think about it, I do get tired of him always being the leader in the series. If the others are not given more chances to be leaders, how will they grow to know good leadership? That's just a pet peeve of mine :p.
Yeah, same here. My thoughts exactly. :rolleyes

See, you did a great job expressing your thoughts on an aspect of the story right there! You should share your opinions on the chapters like that more often. :yes



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Part IV: The Grand Creator


It was nearly night time when the group reassembled at the bottom of the Echo Canyon Cave, their desires for sustenance and fresh air all taken care of.  The night sky shone in from the narrow fissure opening above giving the illusion of both entrapment and protection.  The stars were visible, and Ruby noted that it was the first time she had seen them since the eruption after what happened at the Sonicron.

The runner sat on all fours with her stomach on the ground, swirling her finger pleasantly in the sand out of both boredom and a desire to pass the time. Tomorrow they planned to investigate who that mysterious visitor Chomper had mentioned was, and whether he was one of Eybron's wingtail's or not.  Anyone in the Feral Forest who had seen them enter the Whirlpool would probably think they died since they had not come out, so to see a sentry here so soon would be very unusual and alarming indeed.  Fed up with the dirt, Ruby glanced up to see what everyone was doing.

Gentry had found some sort of fruit, and was trying with frustration to peel the skin off so he could get to the juicy inside.  The egg-stealer bashed it repeatedly on a rock, before flopping onto his back and attempting to force it open by pulling it apart with his arms and back feet.  All he succeeded in doing was causing the entire plant to explode, covering him with orange juices.  Thylo giggled, and Gentry wiped his face off angrily.

"Okay then little-laugher, let's see you give it a try."

The egg-stealer kicked one of the oranges he had picked over to where Thylo was sitting, and she peeled it open almost immediately by biting down on the skin and pulling it off.

"Bah, spiketail's luck," scoffed Gentry.

Ruby turned towards the river bank, where she saw Chomper asleep on the ground amongst a pile of fish bones.   Earlier that day after her conversation with Kepsla, she came down to help the sharptooth again by catching him some water swimmers.  Secretly she was getting annoyed that he couldn't find food of his own without her help, but there was a part of her that also knew that if she didn't do it his appetite could make him dangerous.  Admittedly she sometimes had desires to eat meat, but it was more of a subtle craving then a raving desire to kill.  Fast runners were scavengers by nature, much like egg-stealers, so just like the leaf-eaters killing for food did not come natural to them.  Disturbed by the thought, Ruby tilted her head towards the black wingtail.

Glide was a mystery to her.  He rarely spoke unless spoken to, and always looked like he was angry even if he wasn't.  There were times when he was mean, but he was also stern and responsible.  In Ruby's mind actions speak a lot louder then words and Glide certainly had proven himself through this means.  As the fast runner watched the wingtail stood vigil on top of a rock next to the river, swishing his tail back and forth lightly.  Ever since they had spotted that other wingtail he had been staring at the cliffs above, expecting an attack any moment.  Perhaps it was a bit of paranoia, but it could very well end up saving their lives.  Despite his unpleasantries, Ruby found she actually enjoyed his company.

Cera came trudging up as the fast runner was deep in thought, and Ruby jumped a bit when she realized the threehorn was there.

"Hey," whispered Cera, "stay quiet."

"What is it?" inquired Ruby in a similarly silent tone, confused as to what it was for.
Cera looked around uncomfortably.

"We need to talk," she said.

A few minutes later the fastrunner and the threehorn had climbed a rock plateau on the side of one of the canyon walls, and the view was gorgeous.  From the vantage point they could see the entire cavern-valley including their resting place.  Their friends were visible only has shadows except for Glide, who stuck out like a black stain on the rock under the twilight.

"So why are we talking up here, when we could be talking down there?" asked Ruby sincerely.

"Because," asserted Cera, "I don't want anyone to hear us."

Ruby looks a little bit uncomfortable about the prospect of keeping things like this from their friends, but otherwise was curious as to what the threehorn would have to say.

"Ooo," groaned Cera, "why is that thing still with us anyway?  We're out in the open now, so he can just fly away and leave us alone."

Ruby sighed... Cera was going on about Glide again.

"Because he's our friend," answered the fastrunner, "and friends stick together."

"Okay," admitted Cera, "he has done some good things... but don't you think he is.... I don’t know... a little creepy?"

Ruby glanced down at Glide, who was scanning the top parts of the wall where Chomper said the wingtail had landed.

"Maybe, but that's on the surface Cera.  Deep down I know he's just as nice as we are."

"Hah," snorted the threehorn, "I think he's spying on us."

Ruby looked confused.

"Spying on us?" she questioned, "but why... he hates the other wingtails."

"What if it's just an act?" suggested Cera, "we don't know anything about him... he just dropped down from the sky one day for no reason and became our friend."

Ruby turned away nervously, and looked down towards their resting place again.  Glide had rotated and was staring at her blankly. She found it to be a little bit unnerving, even from such a distance.  Maybe Cera was right... maybe he was spying on them for their kidnappers.  Ruby shivered at the thought, and her body reminded her suddenly of how tired she was.  They could rest today, and think about it more tomorrow.

..

Ruby's deep sleep was suddenly interrupted as air refused to pass through her mouth.  She opened her eyes in shock, realizing that she was being grabbed again.  The world was still blurry but they had a hold on her beak and were keeping it clamped shut.  She struggled and tried to scream, but it only came out as a constricted hum.  As everything came into view, she found she was staring straight into Glide's face.  He had grabbed her!

"Shhh," the wingtail whispered as he make a silencing gesture with his finger in front of his mouth.

He suddenly turned and glanced towards the lake, and in the process let her go.  He did not seem to have acted maliciously, but impolitely instead.

"…Listen."

Ruby rubbed her eyes a few times and briefly shook the sleep out of her body. The first thing she noticed after getting up was the strange sound that had filled the air.  She stood up next to Glide as he too noted the strange sound, and came to the conclusion that he in fact wasn't kidnapping her.  Minutes rolled by as the noise continued, drifting across the river and through the canyon as if it was the wind itself.  It was an odd whistling sound, but it was pleasing and calming to her ears and she felt compelled to sit in silence and listen.  The pitch rose and fell a few times in near perfect unison, and at times was either jolly and high or sad and low.

"What is it?" asked the fast runner in wonder.

"I don't know," responded Glide with a scowl, "but we are going to find out."

"Just us? ... but what about the others?"

"They will be whole until we get back," asserted Glide, "...come and get on my back, we are going for a short flight."

Ruby didn't really like the idea of flying, but she also didn't want to know what would happen if she decided not to go.  That and she was curious about what could possibly be making the pleasing noise.

..

The horizontal fissure in the cliff wall led to a small cave that was surprisingly well lit for such a dark night.  Ruby was getting tired of adventuring through caves, but in this one there was a somewhat personable, inviting quality that made her comfortable inside.  Apparently Glide felt so too, and he relaxed just after the pair came in for a smooth landing.  The strange sound continued to play, and it reverberated off the walls in a cordial melody that appeared to be coming from deep within.

"Stay close," Glide warned as he sniffed the air and darted his gaze around, looking for potential threats.  

Ruby only half listened, as she was so intent on finding the source of the disturbance.  With two bounds she was already into the cave, forcing Glide to hop into the air and flap vigorously to catch up.

“What did I just say…” the wingtail muttered.

The two of them soon reached the end of the tunnel, and the intensity of the moonlight coming from within caught them both off guard.  Ruby shielded her eyes with her arm, while Glide landed and did the same.  The room came into view as their eyes adjusted to the sudden suffusion of light, and the setting began to reveal itself.  The dome-like cavern was illuminated by bright beams of moonlight that bounced off the walls in a radiant splendour that was as beautiful as it was unnatural.  It was not real light, but instead a reflection from a shiny coating that covered the rocks on the ceiling in certain places.  Amazingly, the only source they could see of this strange light was a hole in the roof that seemed to be lighting the entire cave.  The floor dropped off shortly in front of where the fastrunner and the wingtail were standing and gave way into a cold clear pool of water.  In the centre of said pool was a large rock spire that poked out like a thorn, peaking with a small plateau.

On top of the rock-spire bathed in the unnatural moonlight was a navy blue wingtail… the same one that they had seen enter the previous day.  He was sitting alone with his back to them, and his echelon shaped tail flicked from side to side as he held a clear glass rod horizontally to his face.  Ruby could tell that this was the source of the strange sound – the wingtail was making it.  As he played the glass flute, his fingers randomly rose up and down coinciding with changes of pitch and rhythm.  Thankfully, he hadn’t noticed them yet.

Ruby wasn’t really sure what to make of him.  Apart from that caring female at the Sonicron incident she hadn’t met a nice wingtail anywhere in her travels, so it made her nervous approaching this new one.  On the other hand though, anyone who makes music that serene and beautiful can’t be that mean.  A quick glance to her right told the fastrunner that Glide was preparing for a fight, so it was up to her to provide a good introduction.  She was having to do it so much lately, Ruby was actually getting pretty good at it.

“Hello,” greeted Ruby firmly, “that sounds really pretty...”

The wingtail ceased his musical course, and lowered the glass flute without turning around.  Glide tensed up, ready to spring if he attacked.

“I’m glad you like it,” responded the wingtail courteously as he slowly turned around, “I admit the Cordifier is one of my more sensually pleasing creations…”

The navy blue wingtail had completely turned around to face them, yet his eyes were solely on his musical creation instead of the fastrunner and black wingtail in his midst.  He appeared to be examining it for something neither of them could see.

“Ah that’s it!” he said in excitement, “the tone was a bit high thanks to the flaw within the fourth to right hole causing it to vibrate in harmony with the second to left hole, a problem easily fixed by a slight amount of stonic calibration…”

Glide raised an eyebrow, and glanced over at Ruby who hadn’t understood a single word of what the wingtail just said either.  She shrugged innocently, and Glide turned back to the navy wingtail who was still talking without even looking at them.

“But wait,” he said to himself, “perhaps the real flaw is in actuality inside the core vibrational flux intake that-”

Glide cleared his throat loudly, interrupting the wingtail’s reverie and causing him to look up at them for the first time in the encounter.

“Ah yes guests… I had forgotten.”

The navy wingtail leaped into the air, landing close by the runner and her guardian with barely a sound.  Both Glide and Ruby jumped back a step, still unsure if they could trust the newcomer.  The fastrunner opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her by raising his hand.

“Since you both have entered my home unannounced, allow me first to introduce myself.”

The navy wingtail reached into his wing and pulled out the oddest glass instrument that Ruby had seen so far.  It was two circular lenses – each similar to the Occular in size and shape – held together by a long tube of glass that separated them by a few inches.  He placed the trinket on his nose so it fit perfectly behind the horn-like crest that all wingtails had and was in front of both his eyes.

“Pardon, but my vision is not what it used to be,” stated the wingtail as he noticed the looks of shock and wonder on both their faces.

“Who… who are you?” asked Ruby.

The wingtail smiled smugly, and bowed deeply careful to not to brush his wings on the dirty ground.

“I am Aizon, Master of light, sound, sight and most importantly… glass,” recited the navy wingtail like he enjoyed saying this, “like my great grandfather Benzon and my fathers I also bear the title: Grand Creator of the Wingtails.”

Impressive, even by Glide’s standards.

“Welcome to my humble home.”

Aizon pushed a nearby shiny rock, and suddenly the entire cavern was illuminated even brighter then before.  Looking around, Ruby could see that the shiny stones were actually mirrored plates of glass that were reflecting the light from above.  The design and arrangement was absolutely ingenious, directing light where previously there would have been none.

Now that the cave was fully lit up, the pair of them could see a collection of roosts adorning the walls, each one holding strange creations of glass that neither one had ever seen before.  In some places water was being channelled through clear tubes and into other parts of the cave, while other places contained rows and rows of small figurines depicting dinosaurs of all types, and possibly some invented ones.  To someone like Glide who was into shiny objects, this place was near heaven.

“Wow,” remarked Ruby as she took in the whirl of wondrous objects that beheld her.

“Yes yes it is lovely isn’t it?” affirmed Aizon, “but I believe it is now time for you to introduce yourselves to me.”

Ruby took a moment to gather her thoughts, and then proceeded.

“I’m Ruby… a fastrunner.  I come from the Great Valley, but the Great Valley isn’t where I really come from.  My friends and me have come a long way, and we are lost.”

Aizon nodded briefly and turned to Glide, who didn’t say anything and just glared.

“That’s Glide,” cut in Ruby, “he’s our friend and he’s keeping us safe.”

The navy wingtail seemed to fall back into thought, and for a minute or two did not respond.  Finally he seemed to reach a conclusion and piped up.

“Ah so you two are the ones that participated in Eybron’s interesting experiment with my great-grandfather’s sound projecting device?  How exquisite,” stated Aizon with an excited clap of his hands.

“Tell me everything… how long did she vibrate?… what was the pitch?… how loud did you scream?.... how-”

A quick glance around told Aizon that perhaps these weren’t the most popular questions to ask.  Ruby had started shaking, while Glide was growling loudly at the mention of his hated foe’s name.

“… a sensitive subject I presume?”

“What do you think?” butted in Glide aggressively, “that white wingtail is responsible for far more misery and death then anyone else!”

The black wingtail poked Aizon in the gut with the end of his finger.

“And it’s your fault he could do it in the first place!”

Aizon rubbed his hands and recomposed himself.

“That might be true, however you are incorrect about one very important thing… as cruel as his methods are you must see that Eybron is not the worst being in our world.”

Glide scowled.

“Then if you’re so smart… who else is there that could match that backstabbing murderer?”

A look of horror crossed Aizon’s face very briefly, an unusual expression for one so intelligent and in control.

“Could it be…” he whispered, “that you do not know?”

Glide and Ruby looked at each other, confused at what the navy wingtail was talking about.  Not waiting for an answer from them, Aizon pushed through with his hand on his head in thought.  Reaching the tunnel that led out of the cave, he turned around and addressed them.

“I need you both to come with me… there is something you need to see.”





Two hours after the first meeting, Aizon had led Glide and Ruby into a clearing far outside the canyon where their friends were calmly asleep into the unknown lands beyond.  It was dazzling, but also terrifying for Ruby to be up this high and she had to hang on tight to Glide’s feathers so she wouldn’t fall off.  The black wingtail didn’t like it one bit, but he held back saying anything and bore the burden without mention.  Finally Aizon landed in a medium sized tree amongst a forest far from anywhere the fastrunner had ever been, and Glide obliged by landing next to him.

As Ruby slid off onto the thick branches, the black wingtail gave a sigh of relief.  She was heavy, and it had taken a considerable effort on his part to get them this far.  He grumbled to himself that whatever the ëGrand Creator’ intended for them to see, it better be worth it.

“Keep your eyes on that clearing young runner,” Aizon said in a hushed tone as he pointed to a particularly desolate patch of earth a hundred meters away, “and keep your voice down… there are beings here who would consume us in a second.”

Silently, Ruby wondered what they could possibly be… were there sharpteeth here?

“This forest lies on the border of a place once called the ëOasis Valley’,” continued Aizon in a serious manner, “but very recently it has acquired a new name… Fang Valley.”

As if on queue, a hornbill emerged from the mists and entered the clearing.  He staggered about, as if he had just been awoken and still hadn’t gained his bearings.  As the two wingtails and Ruby watched, he stumbled about and then finally fell to his knees.  

Something wasn’t right here.

“We have to go help him,” Ruby suggested urgently, “he looks hurt.”

Aizon ignored her, and continued to watch along with Glide.  A moment passed, and then Ruby saw dark shapes emerge from the sides of the clearing.  A flash of red eyes and a vicious white tooth told her that they were sharpteeth.  The hornbill was surrounded!

“Watch,” insisted Aizon, “and remember.”

The hornbill collapsed entirely, and Ruby looked on in terror as his doom fell upon him.  He didn’t even let out a cry as the sharptooth butchered him, and tore apart his carcass.  As the terrifying ordeal continued, tears starting running down the fastrunner’s cheek and she had to stop herself from openly crying.  Instead, her stomach churned and she thought she was going to be sick.

Out of the blue, Aizon grabbed her.  Ruby looked back at him in surprise before realizing that she had been about to fall off the branch… he had saved her.  She could see the look of sorrow on his face as well, and he gently wiped a tear away from under her eyes.

“Every seven great circle rises it happens,” he said in lament, “the denizens of this valley sacrifice one of their own to appease their rulers.  It has been going on for so long now that the dinosaurs here have become inured to the reality in front of them, and just before they are due to be sent to die… they are fed sleeping herbs to eliminate the pain.”

“B-but… why?” sobbed Ruby.

She didn’t understand who could be so cruel.

“Tyron,” responded Aizon, “his sharptooth empire needs to be fed, and in order to do that they defy nature and make it their slaves… subjugating leaf-eater vallies as they see fit and convincing them the only way to save themselves is to die slowly… one dinosaur at a time.”

Aizon’s expression hardened, and Glide looked on in hate as the sharpteeth wrapped up their cleaning of the corpse.

“But what can we do to stop them?” asked Ruby, who had now regained her composure.

“Not we,” answered Aizon, “…you.”

The navy wingtail placed a hand on her shoulder, and Ruby realized that she had found a wingtail whom she could admire.

“Tyron now holds the Sonicron, the fruit of my great-grandfather’s legacy.  Should he discover how to do what Eybron did with you… none of us will be safe.”

Aizon turned towards the horizon, where the sun was just coming up.

“We wingtails can only do so much alone… if we are to prevail against Tyron, then we will need help.  The jungle runners of the Abyssal Jungle have been our enemies for generations, and yet now we need them as allies if we are to win through.  They will not listen to me, or any other wingtail in the world…”

The navy wingtail turned back to her and smiled.

“But I pray they will listen to you.  Your fellowship of friends is stronger then any inter-racial bond I have seen yet and I have absolute confidence that with all your help we may break that hatred that divides us.”

Aizon hardened his expression again.

“Will you do it Ruby… for all of us?”

It didn’t take much thought for the fastrunner to know exactly what she needed to do.  Now their journey would have a purpose… their pointless march into the unknown would bare fruit and help a race in dire need.

“I’ll do it,” said Ruby… and she absolutely meant it.

Impressed with her conviction, Aizon pointed towards the direction they had come from.

“When you return you will need to follow the river up into the jungle.  Once you reach the mouth of the river, seek out the one known as Siak.  She will help you find the jungle runners, and hopefully gain their trust.”

“But… how will I know her when I see her?” asked Ruby.

Aizon chuckled to himself, as if it was some sort of inside joke.

“I trust that you will have no issues identifying her on sight.  She is…. hard to miss.”

And on that note, the group of two wingtails and the fastrunner headed home to the canyon, driven on by purpose once again.


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Cancerian Tiger

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So, it looks like one adventure leads to another :).  It'll be interesting to see how Ruby's interaction with the Junglerunners goes :yes.

I do share Cera's view that Glide is kinda creepy.  I'm not sure, but he just seems weird in a not-so-good way :blink:.


Serris

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Caustizer, sometime I promise to "deep review" all the chapters that I missed while I was working on Twilight Valley and a chapter of Cornova's story PokÈ Wars: The Recrudescence.

Poster of the GOF's 200,000th post

Please read and rate: Land Before Time: Twilight Valley - The GOF's original LBT war story.


Sky

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That was a great read!  :lol:
So we have a new character, the Great Creator, Aizon.
Never thought of wingtails wearing glasses :p (reminds me of my old avatar. Could it be that it inspired you somehow? :lol).

As you might already know, I can't wait for the next chapter.  :)


Pangaea

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I was so excited about this chapter that my adrenaline started flowing when I first saw that it had been posted. :smile

This whole chapter focused entirely on a single group of characters. I don’t think you’ve ever done that before! :wow (not counting the subdivisions of Parts III and IV in Act III). This was also another example of a chapter whose (excellent) quality did not depend on the level of action in it. :yes

I love that you delved a bit into the lesser-known side of Ruby’s dietary nature early on in this chapter, portraying her as having an inclination to eat meat, but not one that she would satisfy by hunting dinosaurs. When you say that fast runners are scavengers, I assume you mean that they prefer sources of meat that are easy to acquire in general (fish, shellfish, insects, and possibly hatchlings and small animals), rather than strictly carrion and eggs.

I also really like how you introduced the character of Aizon. He’s a little . . . peculiar, but I’ve already become rather fond of him. :yes

Speaking of Aizon, you described his tail as being shaped like an echelon. If you’ll pardon a stupid question, what would that look like? :oops

You know, Sky’s old avatar was exactly what I thought of when Aizon first put on his glasses. :lol Actually, considering their expertise in glassmaking, it’s not that surprising that wingtails would figure out how to use it to correct failing vision, inventing glasses and monocles. (Imagine a wingtail with a monocle! :lol)

Boy, would I love to see what the inside of Aizon’s home looks like. I’m guessing it would be extremely difficult to depict artistically, however.

By the way, what kind of dinosaur is the hornbill supposed to be? (I’m assuming it’s different from the present-day bird called a hornbill. :p)

Again, you did an excellent job highlighting Tyron’s cruelty in this chapter. Aizon, however, strikes me as a bit suspicious himself. I suppose perhaps his scientific interest in the Sonicron got the better of him, but still, I’d expect him to be more concerned and sympathetic to the damage Eybron caused with it. Then again, maybe just I’m paranoid, suspecting everyone of being a potential villain. :rolleyes

One more thing: If the title of “Grand Creator” is passed down through Benzon’s family, who’s going to succeed Aizon? Does he have a descendant somewhere?

On to proofreading:

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The night sky shone in from the narrow fissure opening above* giving the illusion of both entrapment and protection.
*Comma.

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Tomorrow they planned to investigate who that mysterious visitor Chomper had mentioned was, and whether he was one of Eybron's wingtail's or not.
Should be ”wingtails”, with no apostrophe.

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Fast runners were scavengers by nature, much like egg-stealers, so just like the leaf-eaters* killing for food did not come natural to them.
Should be “naturally”.
*Comma.

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Ever since they had spotted that other wingtail* he had been staring at the cliffs above, expecting an attack ** any moment.
*Insert comma.
**Insert “at”.

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A few minutes later the fastrunner and the threehorn had climbed a rock plateau on the side of one of the canyon walls, and the view was gorgeous. From the vantage point they could see the entire cavern-valley* including their resting place. Their friends were visible only has shadows except for Glide, who stuck out like a black stain on the rock under the twilight.
Should be “as”.
*Comma.

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Ruby looks a little bit uncomfortable about the prospect of keeping things like this from their friends, but otherwise was curious as to what the threehorn would have to say.
Should be “looked”. Actually, given that the rest of the sentence appears to be written from her perspective, “felt” might be an even better replacement.

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Ruby glanced down at Glide, who was scanning the top parts of the wall where Chomper * said the wingtail had landed.
*Insert “had”.

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"Spying on us?" she questioned, "but why*... he hates the other wingtails."
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“What did I just say*…” the wingtail muttered.
*Question marks.

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On the other hand* though, anyone who [COLOR]makes[/COLOR] music that serene and beautiful [COLOR]can’t[/COLOR] be that mean.
Should be “made” and “couldn’t”. Optionally, you could also add “she thought” (or something similar), preceded by a comma, at the end.
*Comma.

I’m being extremely nitpicky here, but I couldn’t help but remember this line from Act III, Part IX:
Quote from: Caustizer,Apr 3 2010 on  08:11 PM
Gentry raised an eye line, since dinosaurs don’t have eyebrows.
Then, in this chapter, you have this line:
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Glide raised an eyebrow, and glanced over at Ruby* who hadn’t understood a single word of what the wingtail ** just said either.
Is this soemthing you would need to change, or does wingtail plumage grant them the privilege of having eyebrows to raise? :p
*Comma.
**Insert “had”.

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Two hours after the first meeting, Aizon had led Glide and Ruby into a clearing far outside the canyon where their friends were calmly asleep * into the unknown lands beyond.
”The” should probably be “their” (or could even be removed entirely). Also, it looks like something is missing from here*. Judging by the text that follows this section, I’m guessing you would have described Ruby climbing onto Glide’s back again and him and Aizon taking off.

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As if on queue, a hornbill emerged from the mists and entered the clearing.
Should be “cue” (a prompt). “Queue” refers to a waiting line, a sequence, a curl, or (in verb form) to arrange into one of the above.

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“Tyron,” responded Aizon, “his sharptooth empire needs to be fed, and in order to do that they defy nature and make it their slaves… subjugating leaf-eater vallies as they see fit and convincing them * the only way to save themselves is to die slowly… one dinosaur at a time.”
”Vallies” should be “valleys”, and I think “slaves” should be singular.
*Insert “that”.

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Now their journey would have a purpose… their pointless march into the unknown would bare fruit and help a race in dire need.
Should be “bear”.

I’m really, REALLY excited for the next chapter. :smile (No matter which group it follows, I’m aching to see what happens next. :DD)



Pronounced "pan-JEE-uh". Spelled with three A's. Represented by a Lystrosaurus.


Caustizer

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Quote from: Pangaea,Jun 14 2010 on  11:59 PM
Speaking of Aizon, you described his tail as being shaped like an echelon. If you’ll pardon a stupid question, what would that look like? :oops






 
Aizon's echelon tail looks similar to a whale's tail, but with a bit more of an edge like the echelon you might see on a street sign.  I was trying to think about what kind of tail a really smart wingtail might have (Sky is much better at that then me) and this was the best one I could come up with.


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By the way, what kind of dinosaur is the hornbill supposed to be? (I’m assuming it’s different from the present-day bird called a hornbill. :p)

The hornbill is not the bird, but one of the generic dinosaurs that we see very often in the Great Valley but never contribute to the story.  The idea for this scene was to introduce a race  that nobody really mentioned or cared about in the movies so the scene is more remembered as a 'sacrificed dinosaur' then a 'sacrificed longneck' or 'sacrificed threehorn' etc.

I think Isis did a good drawing of the generic valley dinosaurs on Deviantart, thats the artist that did the Therzinosaurus.

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One more thing: If the title of “Grand Creator” is passed down through Benzon’s family, who’s going to succeed Aizon? Does he have a descendant somewhere?

Aizon currently doesn't have a mate, mainly because he is 'married to his work' so to speak, but that's not to say he won't find someone who shares his interests at some point. I don't want to focus on this in the story however, since there are enough characters to account for as it is. :angel

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Pangaea

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Quote from: Caustizer,Jun 24 2010 on  03:44 PM
Aizon's echelon tail looks similar to a whale's tail, but with a bit more of an edge like the echelon you might see on a street sign.  I was trying to think about what kind of tail a really smart wingtail might have (Sky is much better at that then me) and this was the best one I could come up with.
So . . . sort of a broad ëV’ shape?

Quote
The hornbill is not the bird, but one of the generic dinosaurs that we see very often in the Great Valley but never contribute to the story.  The idea for this scene was to introduce a race  that nobody really mentioned or cared about in the movies so the scene is more remembered as a 'sacrificed dinosaur' then a 'sacrificed longneck' or 'sacrificed threehorn' etc.

I think Isis did a good drawing of the generic valley dinosaurs on Deviantart, thats the artist that did the Therzinosaurus.
Is this the picture you're talking about? If so, I'm assuming the “hornbill” is the Lambeosaurus the blue-green dinosaur in the center. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Oh, and I can add that name to the LBT Glossary, too. ;)

Quote
Aizon currently doesn't have a mate, mainly because he is 'married to his work' so to speak, but that's not to say he won't find someone who shares his interests at some point. I don't want to focus on this in the story however, since there are enough characters to account for as it is. :angel
Well, if the Grand Creator has to be a descendant of Benzon, then Aizon had better either take a mate or find a blood relative suitable for the position eventually, or he'll be the end of the line. :p



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I haven't forgotten about the next chapter of Far Away Home, but unfortunately it is still not close to being finished.  Part of it was the excitement and drama of the Awards, and the other part is the exceptionally high number of family and friend events I have had to attend in these past two weeks.

Since I don't have anything new to post, I might as well give this thread a bit of substance.

As of now Far Away Home has about 8 Parts remaining including the Epilogue at the end.

The 'Far Away Home Marathon' I've been talking about will take place during the last three Parts 11, 12, and 13 so you all don't have to wait to find out the end of the story once it gets really good.  For spoiler reasons I will not be giving out the Part names  :smile

Part V is looking like it's going to be about Littlefoot and Sky, with possibly a bit of Eybron in there.

Caustizer.