Jokes and Gags

Petrie · **Reply #80 on:** January 11, 2005, 08:09:16 AM

They missed a semi-colon too.

No parking; doctor's cars only.

Nick22 · **Reply #81 on:** January 12, 2005, 03:27:25 PM

I get it. Here's a joke. A guy stops at a stop sign, and suddenly a police car pulls up and takes him away. The stop sign said Stop and Arret. you figure it out

Nick

Petrie · **Reply #82 on:** January 12, 2005, 04:28:17 PM

Are we pronouncing "Arret" as the French would or air-ret, if they had no idea otherwise?

Nick22 · **Reply #83 on:** January 12, 2005, 05:36:56 PM

I don't know.

Petrie · **Reply #84 on:** January 13, 2005, 08:16:54 AM

The only thing I can think of is pronouncing it "ah-rett stop" as in "a rest stop" so did the guy think the sewer was a toilet or somthing?

:

Nick22 · **Reply #85 on:** January 13, 2005, 03:40:07 PM

I was thinking more of "Stop you are under arrest."

:
Nick

Littlefoot1616 · **Reply #86 on:** January 13, 2005, 09:20:44 PM

On the subject of funny signs and notices. I saw this notice in a Chinese restaurant that had been closed due to a little accident. The sign read...

"Apologies for closure! Kitchen on fire until further notice!"

Sounds a bit worrying! LOL!

How long do they plan to keep this fire for?! It was supposed to read:

"Kitchen WAS on fire! CLOSED until further notice!"

Petrie · **Reply #87 on:** January 13, 2005, 10:52:38 PM

Sort of like:

A vase is being sold by my mother with a cracked lip.

Nick22 · **Reply #88 on:** January 14, 2005, 02:02:33 AM

Good one Arvens.
Nick

Littlefoot1616 · **Reply #89 on:** January 21, 2005, 07:00:01 AM

Hey guys!
Just got this email from a friend entitled "Things you should never say to a cop!" I think it's more of an American gag and some might of heard these before but here goes:

>> 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my
>> beer. (OK in Texas )
>>
>> 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar
>> detector wasn't plugged in.
>>
>>
>>
>> 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
>>
>> 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to
>> keep up with me. Good job!
>>
>> 5. Are You Andy or Barney?
>>
>> 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good
>> physical condition to be a police officer.
>>
>> 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
>>
>> 8. I pay your salary!
>>
>> 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer
>> only gave me a warning, too!
>>
>>
>>
>> 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just
>> so one of us does.
>>
>> 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I
>> know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
>>
>> 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes
>> look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond
>> with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you
>> been eating doughnuts?"

Nick22 · **Reply #90 on:** January 21, 2005, 01:17:54 PM

Yep , those are definitely American jokes.
Nick

Malte279 · **Reply #91 on:** January 29, 2005, 01:37:21 PM

This is not exactly a joke, but still a pretty funny entry in an English dictionary of 1755, I came across studying history of the English language at the university (please keep your fingers crossed for next wednesday's exam).
This is how they defined the word "Oats" in Samuel Johnson's dictionary of 1755:

Quote

A grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.

Petrie · **Reply #92 on:** January 29, 2005, 11:53:11 PM

Quote

>> 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes
>> look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond
>> with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you
>> been eating doughnuts?"

Typical stereotype.

Malte, that is one odd definition there.

:

Nick22 · **Reply #93 on:** January 31, 2005, 10:45:16 AM

An Odd definition, but still a funny one.
Nick

Petrie · **Reply #94 on:** February 06, 2005, 11:27:59 AM

Definition:

debate - what you put on the end of the fishing hook
divorce - what the Jedi's use
ice cream - what you do if you slam your hand in a car door :blink:

I just randomly thought of these...

Malte279 · **Reply #95 on:** February 06, 2005, 02:04:16 PM

That's something I ought to show our phonetics Prof!

Nick22 · **Reply #96 on:** February 07, 2005, 10:23:37 AM

Good ones Arvens!
Nick

Petrie · **Reply #97 on:** February 07, 2005, 02:18:37 PM

Some more I came up with:

liquor - a perverted being :blink:
amen - the reason for "hymns"

cheetah - well at least we understand why this cat only wins in about 1 out of 7 chases for food to survive

:

Nick22 · **Reply #98 on:** February 07, 2005, 02:41:13 PM

: Those are pretty bad Arvens

But still funny.
Nick

Petrie · **Reply #99 on:** February 07, 2005, 02:43:40 PM

At another board (no longer around) I was known to having a very dry sense of humor and a horrible pun maker.