Jokes and Gags

Cyberlizard · **Reply #160 on:** March 07, 2006, 06:19:44 PM

Black?

Petrie. · **Reply #161 on:** March 07, 2006, 08:36:07 PM

^ That's what I was thinking.

pokeplayer984 · **Reply #162 on:** March 08, 2006, 04:54:28 PM

Red! After the heroes are through with them!

(If you don't get it, I can explain.)

Littlefoot1616 · **Reply #163 on:** March 08, 2006, 05:34:57 PM

LOL...oh dear pokeplayer

NewOrder · **Reply #164 on:** May 06, 2006, 01:08:24 PM

This is a classic from an old football player:

"Our team was on the edge of the abiss, but we did what we had to do, we took a step forward!"

Petrie. · **Reply #165 on:** May 07, 2006, 08:21:54 AM

^ :unsure: I think I missed the punchline on that one. Is that American football or soccer for just about everyone else?

F-14 Ace · **Reply #166 on:** June 30, 2006, 04:26:54 AM

Here is a funny joke!

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jo...keclintonoz.htm

Petrie. · **Reply #167 on:** July 02, 2006, 10:36:49 PM

They've been playing that line on Clintion since 97.

NewOrder · **Reply #168 on:** July 03, 2006, 10:59:57 AM

RogerRabbit:

Quote

I think I missed the punchline on that one. Is that American football or soccer for just about everyone else?

Hmm... soccer =p Didn't you get it? It's plain simple, when you are at the edge of a cliff the smartest thing to do is take a step back, but the guy said "we took a step forward", it's one of those sports bloopers

Petrie. · **Reply #169 on:** July 04, 2006, 06:19:26 AM

Oh..I misinterpreted what "abiss" meant. That's "abyss".

Ok, never mind it makes sense...though I don't know anyone that stupid.

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #170 on:** July 04, 2006, 05:55:32 PM

got this from the same website that f-14 ace showed it is called hillary gets some advice Hillary Clinton gets ellected president and is spending her first night in the white house The ghost of george washington appears, and Hillary says "how can i best serve my country?" washington says "never tell a lie." Ouch! says Hillary, I don't know about that one. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says"how can i best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "listen to the people." Ho! I really don't want that. On the third night the ghost of Abe Lincon qppears...Hillary says "how can i best serve my country?" Lincon, says "go to the theater."

pokeplayer984 · **Reply #171 on:** August 28, 2006, 12:33:38 PM

Okay, here's one straight from Jeff Foxworthy of Blue Collar TV:

Dating:

Jeff: The hardest thing about being single has got to be the dating stuff. Any guys in the room go out with a girl that forgot to tell you she had a boyfriend? That is information you need! That happened to me. I went out with this girl one time and we had a nice time. We went out to dinner and after dinner we came back to my apartment, and we were at my place for half an hour when there is a knock on my front door. I went out, opened the door and there is this 250 pound guy staring at me going, "What in the hell do you think you're doing with her?" And I looked him right in the eyes and said, "I'm cutting her damn hair and you're just going to have to wait, all right?"

---End Scene---

I know that was a little inapporpriate, but it's good for a laugh, right?

Littlefoot1616 · **Reply #172 on:** January 03, 2008, 08:12:04 AM

Here's a funny, if anything else slightly weird, phone service for those who don't quite feel right upstairs. Got it sent to me by a friend and felt it could give you guys your recommended daily dose of laughter

"Hello and welcome to the Mental Health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly,
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 FOR you,
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6,
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call,
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership,
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which button to press,
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter WHAT button you press coz no one will answer you,
If you are dsylexic, press 6,9,6,9,6,9,6,9,6,9,
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidgit with the hash (#) key until the beep........after the beep............please wait for the beep.......
If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later,
And if you have low self-esteem, please hang up now because all our operators are busy and cannot talk to you."

Don't ya just hate those automated hotline services?!

Ptyra · **Reply #173 on:** January 03, 2008, 05:49:59 PM

What snakes are best as math?

Adders

Petrie. · **Reply #174 on:** January 03, 2008, 11:05:33 PM

Those are both bad, ptyra and Littlefoot.

General Grievous · **Reply #175 on:** January 03, 2008, 11:18:01 PM

This one is priceless! I love what he said at the end!

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
My flight was being served by an obviously
gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he
served
us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend,
he came swishing down the aisle and told
us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to
announce that he'll be landing the
big scary plane shortly, so lovely people,
if you could just put your trays
up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

Petrie. · **Reply #176 on:** January 03, 2008, 11:22:49 PM

Pushy pushy.

: He needs some more wa-wa to cool down.

Littlefoot1616 · **Reply #177 on:** January 04, 2008, 08:55:52 AM

Oooooo....someone got verbally slapped!

f-22 "raptor" ace · **Reply #178 on:** March 22, 2008, 06:04:00 PM

You have two cows.

Google Earth
You have two cows. Unfortunately they are located within the 99.9999...% of the world where the resolution is so low you can't even see your cows pixels

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #179 on:** March 25, 2008, 10:51:59 AM

Whatdaya call a vegetarian with a bad case of diarrhea?

A Salad Shooter

!