New untitled fanfiction

Adder · **on:** August 03, 2010, 04:50:27 PM

I am writing a new sixty chaptered fanfiction, I have yet to come up with a real title for the fanfictions.

But it isn't actually involved with Out of the Shadows, although there are multiple references to the events of it.

I am planning on using charcters from all thirteen movies it and the tv series in it.

I can't actually post hear do the amount of violent content and profanity in it. But I'll post links to the chapters and updates.

I am planning on writing 2500 worsd per chapter, which means it will have 150,000 words when its all done.

I'm hoping it will recieve alot more reviews than my other stories, which haven't been getting to many there for some reason, even Blood Ruby hasn't.

The actual rating is M for Strong Graphic Bloody Violence with Disturbing Gross Content and Language.

Chapter 1 is currently done with 2539 words, and I'm currently working on the second chapter of the story. But I deleted it from fanfiction.net until can come up with a good title for it, if anyone wants the chapters I'll send you a personal message with them in it.

But what you see in the rating is what's in it, nothing more than violence and profanity.

Don't ask me to post it hear, I'm not gonna break the rules of the site.

Also, can someone people hear help me come up with a good title for story? So people at fanfiction.net don't think I just stold Kacie's story title or idea.

Edit by Mumbling: No need to call your fanfiction exactly 'Out of the Shadows', I changed it to untitled fanfiction. Perhaps it would be best to do that on fanfiction.net too until you have found a better title

Serris · **Reply #1 on:** August 03, 2010, 05:21:10 PM

Eh, the intro is almost word-for-word, torn straight from Out of the Shadows.

Adder · **Reply #2 on:** August 03, 2010, 05:27:00 PM

Quote from: Serris,Aug 3 2010 on 04:21 PM

Eh, the intro is almost word-for-word, torn straight from Out of the Shadows.

I'll change it when I can think of something, I just read Out of the Shadows, so it was fresh in my mind, sorry. If I can think of something else, I'll change it soon. I had a feeling this would happen. Next time I right a fanfiction, I won't read anything else before it.

Campion1 · **Reply #3 on:** August 03, 2010, 05:34:13 PM

I might check this out. No joke.

Adder · **Reply #4 on:** August 03, 2010, 05:38:42 PM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 3 2010 on 04:34 PM

I might check this out. No joke.

Well, if you do. I'm warning you now, there's a bit of language and alot of blood.

Campion1 · **Reply #5 on:** August 03, 2010, 05:45:29 PM

Quote from: ScratteLover3,Aug 3 2010 on 04:38 PM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 3 2010 on 04:34 PM
I might check this out. No joke.
Well, if you do. I'm warning you now, there's a bit of language and alot of blood.

I've watched people die on tape. (Don't ask) I think I can handle fictional blood and violence.

Cancerian Tiger · **Reply #6 on:** August 04, 2010, 12:34:43 AM

Next time I'd better remind myself not to fill up on food right before I read something as gory as having your belly ripped open. I just about fried my laptop with partially digested homemade pizza

.

Campion1 · **Reply #7 on:** August 04, 2010, 01:20:05 AM

So scrattelover, I'm reading the first chapter right now and I notice that there are a few things that may need improving... Would you mind if I wrote a review on fanfiction for the chapter? I can tend to get very honest in what I write, but I don't aim to offend.

Adder · **Reply #8 on:** August 04, 2010, 07:55:42 AM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 4 2010 on 12:20 AM

So scrattelover, I'm reading the first chapter right now and I notice that there are a few things that may need improving... Would you mind if I wrote a review on fanfiction for the chapter? I can tend to get very honest in what I write, but I don't aim to offend.

Sure. You can review. Just click "review this chapter" at the bottom of the page.

Adder · **Reply #9 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:16:03 PM

I just uploaded a longer version of the first chapter with the fixes Campion1 suggested I should do.

For some reason he also asked what's with the gore and profanity?

It should show up in a half hour, it's still 192 words shorter than what I want. But it's ALOT longer than before.

Campion1 · **Reply #10 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:20:17 PM

Apparently I think fanfiction ripped the last few words from me for some reason. I basically said Topsy would slap Cera if she said anything like that, or something.

Please explain the "fixes" I meant

Adder · **Reply #11 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:23:58 PM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 4 2010 on 04:20 PM

Please explain the "fixes" I meant

The part where you suggested changing "blood red eyes staring at her" to "saw two massive eyes sharply leer at her"

Campion1 · **Reply #12 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:35:53 PM

Quote from: ScratteLover3,Aug 4 2010 on 04:23 PM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 4 2010 on 04:20 PM
Please explain the "fixes" I meant
The part where you suggested changing "blood red eyes staring at her" to "saw two massive eyes sharply leer at her"

I came up with that line in under 5 seconds. It's not professional in any way. I would just like for you to see that you're kinda making the characters act unlike themselves, and that there are a few errors in the story.. The overall direction is ok, but it needs some tuning. I'm not one to dictate though. They're just suggestions.

Adder · **Reply #13 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:37:50 PM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 4 2010 on 04:35 PM

Quote from: ScratteLover3,Aug 4 2010 on 04:23 PM
Quote from: Campion1,Aug 4 2010 on 04:20 PM
Please explain the "fixes" I meant
The part where you suggested changing "blood red eyes staring at her" to "saw two massive eyes sharply leer at her"
I came up with that line in under 5 seconds. It's not professional in any way. I would just like for you to see that you're kinda making the characters act unlike themselves, and that there are a few errors in the story.. The overall direction is ok, but it needs some tuning. I'm not one to dictate though. They're just suggestions.

Well if you notice any more goofs, its fine if you post here or review to tell me. So what are the other errors and thins that need tuning?

Campion1 · **Reply #14 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:48:02 PM

Quote from: ScratteLover3,Aug 4 2065 on 04:23 PM

Well if you notice any more goofs, its fine if you post here or review to tell me. So what are the other errors and thins that need tuning?

I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for the review, I used up all the characters I had available. (10,000 max) PM me the link whenever your new version is out, and I'll look at it. And, just for fun, I might draw some comparisons between this and the movie Alien later.

Adder · **Reply #15 on:** August 04, 2010, 05:55:03 PM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 4 2010 on 04:48 PM

I might draw some comparisons between this and the movie Alien later.

I never seen the alien movies, so I didn't know the line: "Get away from her you b******" is from the alien movies.

Campion1 · **Reply #16 on:** August 04, 2010, 06:06:04 PM

That's a shame.

Here is my review if anyone wants to see it: http://www.fanfiction.net/r/6203627/

Campion1 · **Reply #17 on:** August 05, 2010, 02:57:23 AM

I'll send you this thing in PM

Adder · **Reply #18 on:** August 05, 2010, 07:28:44 AM

Actually Campion, you should probaly copy all this and send it to me in a message and change what you wrote to "never mind" cause pretty much everything in that is against the site rules.

Adder · **Reply #19 on:** August 05, 2010, 07:46:53 AM

Quote from: Campion1,Aug 5 2010 on 01:57 AM

Quote
Littlefoot cuts in, "Calm down Cera, I know your mad, but you already tried to kill him once, remember, and you already died once. So don't do it okay? I don't want to lose you again. It was hard enough having to lose you once. I've already lost Shorty twice, and I have a feeling we won't get him back either."
... WHAT!?!?

If you read Out of the Shadows, then you'd know what that's a reference too.