Be Yourself

Tails_155 · **on:** October 20, 2007, 11:20:05 PM

BEFORE I START: I only want your feedback if it is honest, any corrections are welcome, any edits are accepted, don't just say "that's good" to say it, I've witnessed peoples works (not necessarily on this forum) that were not necessarily _good_ yet people say "it's great" if this is no good, feel free to say it, remember you're the reader not me!

AMENDMENT: THIS IS NOT A STORY: It is more likened to free-verse poetry than a story

Now, ONWARD!

Quote

20 October 2007

Be Yourself

One day I came across a group of people sitting together at a bench, they had obviously been friends for quite some time and seemed like a great groupe of people, so I joined them. I learned a little about each of them while I was there, but I got to know each of them better after that. They all varied in personality, yet their unity was astounding, they were always together. The group of people all had basically the same routines each day, they all went to school together, they even shared many classes. The whole lot liked the same music, they all were seemingly conformist in public, but in private they were all quite different.

If people are interested I will continue, I will release this paragraph at a time, so if interest is lost I will have what I have up, and I won't have to write more

Manny Cav · **Reply #1 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:22:38 PM

I honestly didn't see enough or get a good introduction or background information to make a good assessment.

Tails_155 · **Reply #2 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:23:29 PM

yea, each person gets their own paragraph, this is just an intro to see if anyone is interested

I wasn't going to continue if it got no interest, though the entire idea is in my head, and I'll post it up here ? by ? this is it's debut

but I promise by the end you'll know plenty about everyone here

- and maybe not what you expected

if you want I'll add one of the people's ?s so there's at least an example of what I'll do

Manny Cav · **Reply #3 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:30:07 PM

Go right ahead.

Just don't bomb me with an entire story.

Reveal a little at a time. It'll be better that way.

By the way, I notice you're concern with stuff getting called great, and while I'd ask for examples, it's probably better for me just to state that I always try to give honest reviews. I normally do say it's great, but sometimes, I point out little errors, or even chew them out at times. So you see what I'm capable of....

Tails_155 · **Reply #4 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:31:22 PM

okay! 'erego!

Quote

Kit, very protective, of himself and his friends, he often took others' arguments into his own hands, he often would run into an argument between his friends and be the one to leave the most shaken or in tears, his friends, other than the group were the ones who most often fought, not that the group together didn't have their struggles. Kit was very insecure, he often would boast his achievements because he always feared he wasn't doing anything good for anyone, or he would feel bad and hearing his accomplishments would usually make him feel better. Others often told him "Be yourself," like they knew what was best, he was himself when he had the chance, but others would make him feel uncomfortable puting himself out as he was, so he had to create a faÁade that made him feel comfortable in public. He often worried about his closest friends, he shared his feelings, his hopes, his ambitions, and his care; I was shocked to find out so much about this kid, because he was so different in public, but I was so proud to find out that people could be like this.

Manny Cav · **Reply #5 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:34:01 PM

I notice that you're referring to yourself in third person. Are you referring to yourself or another "I"? If you are referring to yourself, is this actually real or fiction? It does sound detailed, like you've got a master plan already set.

Tails_155 · **Reply #6 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:35:07 PM

Kit is a person, thats all I gotta say to that

Manny Cav · **Reply #7 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:38:32 PM

Quote from: Tails_155,Oct 20 2007 on 10:35 PM

Kit is a person, thats all I gotta say to that

Err... you did it in the first paragraph also.

Tails_155 · **Reply #8 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:40:09 PM

oh, I'm explaining the group there, I joined the group, I just referred back to it, I speak in the first person, don't be confused by that

Manny Cav · **Reply #9 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:41:07 PM

Alright, I'll ask it simple: What is the name of "I"?

Tails_155 · **Reply #10 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:41:30 PM

I didn't name the narrator, it never came to mind

Manny Cav · **Reply #11 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:42:21 PM

Oh, so you're not actually in the story?

Tails_155 · **Reply #12 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:43:17 PM

hmm, do you want me to name the character, if so it'd be Terriusu Reynard, I just never named the narrator, the only problem with doing that is that I already named a character "Terri"

Manny Cav · **Reply #13 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:46:53 PM

Sometimes, it's best to keep an air of mystery about the story or narrator/whatever. You may be better off with a simple, mysterious "I".

Tails_155 · **Reply #14 on:** October 20, 2007, 11:49:11 PM

that was my plan sir

you'll learn more about this mysterious "I" later, take not I haven't edited a single word since you commented

I already cover a couple of these bases but it'd mess up the story to elaborate without sneaking the truth by

Are you the only interested reader? XD could just be the time of day I guess

Manny Cav · **Reply #15 on:** October 21, 2007, 09:20:02 AM

Quote from: Tails_155,Oct 20 2007 on 10:49 PM

Are you the only interested reader? XD could just be the time of day I guess

I'm wondering that, myself.

Tails_155 · **Reply #16 on:** October 21, 2007, 07:08:36 PM

Oh well, if there are any other readers please reply, so I can know that you want to read more

Quote

Miles was the biggest worrier, he always feared something would go wrong, he was a major pessimist, but he saw it as the reason he made so few mistakes. He is very smart in math and science, but he hates to show his work so he at times would get bad grades because he'd find the answer with no proceedure. He was rarely seen without a look of exhaustion on his face, he was often tired, sometimes just because. He was very expressive about his emotions, he was debatably depressed, but he was happy enough to know that he existed, that he kept it that way. People often told him "Be yourself," but he knew, if he was himself in public, he'd often be picked on for being so afraid all the time. He often kept his emotions bottled up unless someone confronted him and said "Hey, what's wrong?" He was quite implosive, he had once lashed out and stabbed a kid twice in the leg with a pencil because he wouldn't let his feelings out until it was too late.

For Manny

Malte279 · **Reply #17 on:** October 22, 2007, 06:27:39 AM

You wrote some interesting and colorful character descriptions so far. Interesting characters are essential to a good story, but so far I don't know anything about the story or plot you are intending to write which makes it difficult to answer your central question on the reader's interest.

Tails_155 · **Reply #18 on:** October 22, 2007, 08:26:14 AM

that's tough to explain, there's no traditional "story" it's a bit different

Manny Cav · **Reply #19 on:** October 22, 2007, 09:34:50 AM

Very interesting and detailed character development, but I'm curious to know what kind of "story", "writing", whatever you are planning on making. If there's not going to be a "story", then what is this going to be about? What's the finished product going to be like?