I'm so unsure...

[Karmarsi]

First I'd like to apologize about not being on...

I've officially found that my family hates me. They find me the fault-doer, the hated one, the mistakes. They don't feel for my feelings at all or anything. but that's just the start.

My mother expects me to be perfect for one. She wants me to be thin, be popular with many ( appearently hollow ) friends. She wants me to be a cheerleader, be in all sports she wanted, etc. She goes very often "why can't you be like my friends child you stupid bitch?!". At least I didn't have a child at 15 or 16 and be abused b the dad...
She's always making me do everything, she won't move a musclefromwhen she wakes to when she sleeps. She just yells and abuses. She expect me to be a slave.
"Open the door windows, open the windows, get me a drink, reinstall ESET, clear my cookies, get the mail, give me money" etc etc. She even expect me to marry a blue eyed, brown hailed, rich man. she's positively racist along with all of my family and wants to pick who for me to marry. She calls my bet friends filthy and calls me... well not good terms where women sell themselves.

My sister, who is 10, is much the same. She'll bite, punch, yell, kick, cuss and rip and tear at me. I live in costant fear and sadness because of it. I don't even have my own things - She's always stealing them and trying to claim my hamster ( poor nugget ) as her own while I bought one for her. ( surprised the poor guy isn't dead yet ). She always screamed demanding things such as to make a frozen computer unfreeze and to make her food and such.

And my fiance and I are still troubling to find an apartment. We've been trying for a couple years but no luck. No one will really help, one who tried ( he won the lottery in his country twice ) couldn't because he's not yet 18. It saddens me because each day that passes lets me know it's one less day with him. It's really tough not being there snuggled to him, having fun, laughing and playing and enjoying our days away until we are in heaven together... Hope I won't fall through a cloud

I'm also starting to hate my drawing abilities. My character isn't well known nor is my art and it makes me want to drop it all. all in all I feel I'm no used to many people. Guess I just need people to talk to

[Malte279]

I wish I could be of help. This sounds really bad
Of all the luck I had in my life I think having a loving, caring, and supportive family (notwithstanding my parent's divorce) has probably been the greatest. What little advise I can give is not to let yourself be talked into thinking of yourself the way they do.
What other influences have there been in your life if you think your family is racist? Who has been important for you to develop your personal consciousness and view of the world?

[Karmarsi]

I wish I could be of help. This sounds really bad
Of all the luck I had in my life I think having a loving, caring, and supportive family (notwithstanding my parent's divorce) has probably been the greatest. What little advise I can give is not to let yourself be talked into thinking of yourself the way they do.
What other influences have there been in your life if you think your family is racist? Who has been important for you to develop your personal consciousness and view of the world?

I don't think I understand the question, friend.

[Adder]

If my mom was ever like that, or called me a bit**, I would report her for child abuse, especially since she is getting physical with you, atleast that is what it sounded like. No offense, but from what I read, it sounds like she dosen't care for you very much, which is what a mother should do.

[Mumbling]

I'm sorry for you Karmarsi! I honestly wish I could be of some help at least. I can say one thing though, your drawings are really good. Even if they are not well known, you should not stop doing something you enjoy. You don't make art for others, but for yourself.

The way your mother and sister talk to you frightens me as well. I hope it is not that way 24/7? I've been through a pretty bad period with my dad a couple of years back, and I remember finding it horrible. If they are talking your down, make sure to always remember you're more than that. Be glad that you're not as skinny as some others, that you're not a dumb cheerleader who gets pregnant at 16. Honestly, you've got all the right to be proud of yourself! If your mother is really disliking you for not becoming who she wants you to be, she should perhaps listen to the quote 'children are not colouring books, you cannot colour them with your favourite colours'.

I hope I can do something for you.. If you ever feel the need to talk, you can always send me a pm or an email.

[Petrie.]

Kar, Malte was asking if you had a positive influence anywhere in your life, anyone who can see the good inside of you, regardless of what your family is telling you.  I don't know how old you are, but by the sound of it, you're not over 18 otherwise you'd leave your family in a heartbeat and try to make something work with people who care.  Are there any social services in your area who can provide support to you or your family?

[Caustizer]

I'm afraid my mere text can't help you, but if you want to feel a bit better you should listen to this song:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vhgxKxcuKI

[Cancerian Tiger]

At nineteen years old, I wouldn't have put up with that s*** <_<.  Since I don't like to tell others what to do, here's what I'd do if I were in the same situation:

Land two full-time jobs or at least one full-time job and one part-time job, find my own place by myself or with a trustworthy mentor, and tell those jerks to screw off.  Blood-related or not, if the family won't show ya the love and respect that ya very much deserve, they don't deserve your time and attention until they can get their act together and behave like true loving family members.

I know what it's like to have problems with relatives.  Your mother sounds like the father I have a nonexistent relationship with, and in the last few years I've had a strained relationship with my sister as well.  She acts just like our father .  Both of them think they're better than everybody else and do not hesitate to insult me, talk to me like I'm an idiot, and even do the "Why can't you do this?" or "Why can't you do that?" talk , and it took me until I was an adult to finally stop 'em in their tracks.

So, like Iris said, I'm here to talk if ya ever need to.  Just PM me .

[Karmarsi]

Ah. The only one I really have now is my fiance. He tells me of the good things of me and how things will change once he has and partment and comes to get me. ( Also, I'm over 18, I'm 19 )

Sadly it is 24 / 7, or close to it with it only ending during before and during bed. But sometimes they haunt my dreams.

I'd truly would get a job but my mother refuses to let me. She thinks I'm too stupid. She thinks I won't make it through college. At least I graduated high school, she didn't.

[Adder]

Why is she so mean to you? Why would she call you stupid when she's the one that failed high school?

[Mumbling]

You may not have a job? That's pure bs. Do you have a car or some way to get to a job in case you had a job? Just go for it and tell your mom to go away. It wouldn't hardly be fair if you couldn't even have the chance to take care of your own.

[pokeplayer984]

At this point, being homeless would be a better choice for you.  At least then you won't have to put up with them.

And have you tried calling the police or does your "daughter of a b******" mother (Pardon my language, but I have ZERO sympathy Karmarsi's so called "Mother" right now.) have them around her finger as well?  If so, then that's a problem because she can make you look like the bad guy in the end.

Maybe your fiance can help.  Does he have any relatives that you can live with for the time being?  Surely any one of them would be better than the pricks you're living with.

[Karmarsi]

At this point, being homeless would be a better choice for you.  At least then you won't have to put up with them.

And have you tried calling the police or does your "daughter of a b******" mother (Pardon my language, but I have ZERO sympathy Karmarsi's so called "Mother" right now.) have them around her finger as well?  If so, then that's a problem because she can make you look like the bad guy in the end.

Maybe your fiance can help.  Does he have any relatives that you can live with for the time being?  Surely any one of them would be better than the pricks you're living with.

We've tried. His mom and dad said yes then changed their mind when the date came up, then his aunt offered and changed her mind as well.

I have no car, I don't got a license or anything. My mother does manage to twist things as if i done it when she talks to the family. Anyone remotely on my side is my grandmother, but I refuse to get her into this, I care for her too much

My mother hates me because I turned out nothing like she wanted. Thin ( ok so I'm a lil tubby, I don't got a sagging belly, heck I got a firm but and a big bust and hips >.> maybe she's jealous? ), popular, into sports ( she forced me into softball for most of my life ), etc etc. She wants me to be like her friend's daughter.

[Nick22]

I would try and find a college , since you deserve to see how far your talents can take you. It is clear that your parents are not the loving supporting type. if I was in your situation, i'd move out at the soonest opportunity, and let fate guide me from there.. Normally, I'd say that family is one of the few things you can count on, but in your case Karmarsi, this is not the case. once you leave, you should not look back..

[Saft]

..I am not very good at this...advice and sympathy has never really been good..but karmarsi..you need to try to find a way to get out of this home.  If you could live with your fiance and his family that may be an option.  
Also, try not to think of your sister harshly just yet...siblings are often strange when their older sibling is subjected to a lot of problems by their mother or father (I have (had) a similar situation with my own mother who for many years called me a ''pyscho'', ''spaz'', ''freak'' quite daily, although she is a little better now), they tend to try to get on the parental ''side'' so they are ''safe'' from them...(sister did the same until she also became on the receiving end).  
I am not saying that may be the case with your own sibling...I could be wrong..she could be a nasty individual but because she is ten years old..I do not think that is the case.

Sorry, i do not know what else to say except your mother should be grateful that you are your own person and not a clone of others, that you haven't gotten pregnant at an early age, that you've completed your education and are on a higher form, that you are healthy.  She should be glad for the daughter that she has got and not for the one that she wishes for.  For that, she is pathetic and like many other mothers who do this, will always be sad and lonely individuals for the rest of their lives whilst you will be a happy and popular individual.  

Unfortuantely i do not take my advice when I say this sort of thing given that I have (had) been in a similar situation with my own mother but remember there is always a path of light ahead.  It may seem far and often times impossible but do not allow the darkness of your mother's abuse (and your sister's subsequent copy abuse) to get to you that much.  It is really hard and it is hard to break out of the long effects but there is always some form of hope and happiness as a reward at the end.  

Yeah, that didn't help much.  Other's will be better at giving advice and I highly suggest you to consider it and try to aim towards it.  Good luck.

[Pangaea]

I’m not very confident in my abilities to offer advice and comfort, but darn it all if I’m not going to try.

First of all, I’m so sorry about the way your family is treating you. Your mother has no right to choose what you can and can’t do. You’re going to have to be self-sufficient someday, and it’s your mother who’s stupid if she’s trying to prevent that.

Your mother should stop bemoaning the daughter she wished she had and be proud of the one she’s got. She sounds to me like a selfish, abusive, ungrateful, hypocritical control freak who doesn’t deserve to be the mother of such a wonderful person. I don’t expect that I’ll ever be a parent, but if I were, I would much rather have a child who was kind, sensitive, and artistically talented than one who was thin, shallow, and excelled at sports. :-_-:

I also think it’s wonderful that you’ve found a “soul mate” who loves you and makes you happy, and with whom you are obviously deeply in love with. Don’t let your mother ruin that either.

Finally, PLEASE do not think badly of your drawing skills. You are an amazing artist (honestly, I wish I had your talent), and you should not give up making artwork. I still hope to see you create some LBT fanart.

I wish you the best in finding a job, getting into college, escaping and/or standing up to your mother and sister’s abuse, finding a place to live, and improving your self-esteem. I hope your life gets better overall very soon. And if you need an outlet for your stress, or just someone to talk to, my PM box is open anytime as well.

[Ptyra]

They disrespected you, so you disrespected them. Get. Out. And STAY out. Heck, when you marry your fiance, move out of state if you can and don't share the information. Don't even tell them when you have a kid because they DON'T deserve it. Heck, college will be a really good route to slapping them hard in the face...then kicking them. Don't think colleges will take you because your mom wasn't in college? Pfff. Colleges LOVE kids who are first-gen college students!

Have you ever tried talking to your mother? I can imagine she would have been a total *insert lots of interrogatory stuff here* if you did. You have GOT to tell her that YOU run your own life and not her.

In the mean time, report her to child services for goodness sake!

[Karmarsi]

I have tried to talk to her but she's in denial. Each time I cry from pain she calls me immature and believes I'm just pmsing. I must be 24/7 then. She believes my art will get me nowhere sadly, and rather would want to just force me into softball ( man the leg power I got from that. ) I got near a 3.0 average on the grading scale ( out of 4.0 ) and she still believes I'm low in the list of being picked. she won't even help me find a vet tech college. She wants to force me to be a nurse.

I do plan to not let her around my children. I plan to be nothing like her. I won't be abuse, I'll love and try to help my children. Walter and I have already chosen names for our children when we have a family. Rose and Jake plan to be the names of the sweet things. We are moving to NJ, we're looking for places there. Most of his family lives there and we adore each other. I was planning on inviting my mom to the wedding, but now I dunno. she does have the other "perfect" daughter ( who's worse than me. Getting in trouble every day at school and stuff ).

[Nick22]

My Advice karmarsi is to go to college anyway, and do what you want to do. A 3.0 should be good enough to get you into a good college. Your art is very good, you should keep doing it. It may not be a career when all is said and done, but as long as you enjoy it, you should keep doing it. You do not have to be a nurse if you don't want to.. I'd suggest you stay with his family for awhile, and talk to them about colleges you could attend..

[Cancerian Tiger]

Yeah, I kinda know how that feels.  I had a 3.5 GPA in high school, and my father would always get on my case about not having a 4.0 and then brag about himself having a 4.0 in high school.  Difference is, he was too lazy to go to college.  Ironically, he told me I was too stupid for college.  Distortion at its best .

Then, when I started college, I was going for nursing.  I changed my mind after a year and changed my major, and he still tried to get me to be a surgeon.  A brain surgeon, at that.  He had tried to talk me into it for years even though I told him every time it's not what I wanted for myself.  He didn't have any say in the path I chose for myself.  I worked full-time all throughout college and supported my education.  On top of that, he never once supported me throughout pre-school through high school (he almost didn't even come to my graduation but the family made him come), so he had no right to tell me what to do with my life and he knew it .  

I think he just wanted me to be some unemployed housewife and never make anything of myself.  I don't think he could accept that I'm a progressive, career-oriented, nonstereotypical female.  I see this in how he supports my sister who gave up her dreams of college (she dreamed of being a civil engineer) for a guy who went to school but discouraged her from doing so.  She spends all day cleaning house and doing "housewife duties" and he comes home from work and sits his lazy a** down and expects her to wait on him <_<.  On top of that, they have a baby now and he's even too lazy to help out with the baby half the time.  The more I hear about it, the happier I am I chose my own path.  Believe me, it's worth going against your doubters/haters just to prove 'em wrong .

As for the whole 3.0 thing, a great place to start is at a community college.  This is a way to build up a higher GPA to get into universities.  There are community colleges allover the place it seems, and I'm sure they've got plenty in NJ.  It's cheaper, and depending on your intended field of study, there could be lots of grants and scholarships.  If your fiance and yourself are trying to get on your feet and find a place to settle down and have to worry about finances and seeking employment, a community college can work in your favor.  Then, if ya feel like it, there's always the option of transferring your credits to a university.  Just ask the academic advisor for a list of courses and credits that qualify to transfer to whatever university you'd like to attend.  

I hope this advice helps .