Funniest Quotes You've Heard

[Pangaea]

I've got another Three Stooges quote (this one from "Dizzy Detectives"):

Moe (to Curly): Next time you handle a gun, shoot yourself in the head.
Curly: I'll make a note of it. (Takes out a pencil and a pad of paper) How do you spell 'head'?
Moe: B-O-N-E, head. (Hits Curly)
   

[Spartanguy88]

More Family Guy


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzwWGPDkSqw&feature=channel

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Tom Tucker: Hello, I'm Tom Tucker.

Diane Simmons: And I'm Diane Simmons. The top of the news: Quahog is suffering it's worst heat wave in centuries.

Tom Tucker: That's right Diane; we now go live to Ollie Williams with the BLACK-U-WEATHER report. How are you beating the heat Ollie?

Ollie Williams: SWIMMIN' HOLE!!!!!!

Tom Tucker: Thanks Ollie.

[Spartanguy88]

Too good to pass up...

FAMILY GUY

Brian: Okay so we roll the dice, and then we have to yell "Yahtzee" really loud.

Stewie: At the same time?

Brian: Yeah, and you have to flap your wrists like this. *Flaps wrists*

Stewie: And you'll do it too?

Brian: Of course, that's how it's done.

Stewie: Okay.

Brian: You ready?

Stewie: You gonna do it with me?

Brian: Oh yeah.

*Brian rolls dice*

Stewie: YAHTZEE!!!! *Flaps wrists at same time*

Brian: Gay.

Stewie: YOU SUCK!!!!!!


   

[Pangaea]

I’ve got two more stooge quotes to share, and then I’ll move on to MythBusters:

From “Three Missing Links”:

Larry: What’d ya wake me up for?
Curly (to Larry): Ya snore like a roarin’ lion!
Larry: I do not! I stayed awake all night last night to see if I snored, and I didn’t!


...and “False Alarms” (in which the stooges are firefighters):

Fire Chief (to the stooges): You’ve dissed fires, slept through alarms, been late for duty, and broken every rule in the book. We’re through; you’re fired! And if this was the army, I’d have you shot at sunrise!
Curly: But ya couldn’t do that, cap’n! We don’t get up that early!

[Spartanguy88]

The Simpsons

Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?

Homer: Washin' my fat-guy-hat honey!
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Gun Seller: Well you'd probably want to see the accessory kit: Holster.

Homer: Oh yeah...

Gun Seller: Bandoleer.

Homer: Baby...

Gun Seller: Silencer.

Homer: Mm-Hm...

Gun Seller: Loudener.

Homer: Aah...

Gun Seller: Speed Cocker.

Homer: Ooh! I like the sound of that.

Gun Seller: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.

Homer: Oh I don't need anything like that...yet...

[Cancerian Tiger]

TMNT II:

Mikey: "Ahh!  Ninja pizza!"

Donnie: "Ninja pizza?"

Mikey: "Pizza that vanish quickly without trace!"

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Ralph and Leo (as they charge at Foot fighters with a pole): "Step right up to the bar, boys!"

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Donnie (as he hog-ties a Foot fighter): "Yeehaw!  Yeeeeeeehaw!  Woooooo!  Ninja Cowboy!"


TMNT III:

Kenshi (upon waking and seeing Mikey): "Ahhhh!  Kappa!"

Mikey: "Kappa?  Cappuchino?  Love the stuff, makes me hyper!"

[Paradise Bird]

Buzzsphere
I think its a trap
Should we go?
Lets walk into the trap!
Ok!

[Spartanguy88]

Red vs Blue *Edited for language*

Simmons:   You may be asking yourself 'what is fire?' If you're asking that, it's because you're an idiot. You probably also ask things like 'What am the sky?' and 'How does eat food?' Even cavemen knew what fire was.
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Simmons:   So, what do you do if you're caught in a fire? We've assembled a quick list of tips to remember if you ever find yourself in a raging inferno.

Sarge: Step 1: panic. Any modern scientist will tell you that fire requires an oxygen environment to burn. That same scientist will also tell you that the human body expels carbon dioxide with every breath. So screaming and panicking will rob the flame of its vital nutrients, thus putting it out.
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Sarge: One of the largest fires in American history was at an old girls' private school. But the flames were extinguished when that dude from Twilight showed up.

[Over and Under]

luigi: Eh, tell 'im I wanna root beer float  
Adventures Of Super Mario Bros 3 Up, Up, And A Koopa

[Spartanguy88]

Family Guy -Boat Race Scene

Carter: Loser!!

Peter: What did he say?

*Carter tosses to Peter a cell phone, then calls him*

Peter: Hello?

Carter: I said you're a loser.

Peter: ...Who is this?

[Almaron]

Kenny Everett: (Old British Comedian, Now Dead   . Look him up)

THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN KREMMEN!

Carla: What are you doing, Captain?
Kremmen: Well, my little cosmic cutie-pie, I'm completing this I.Q. test for the Advanced Space Technology Course. Here's a tricky little question. "If it takes five men fifteen hours to build a brick wall, how long would it take ten men?"
Carla: To do what, captain?
Kremmen: To build the wall, Carla.
Carla: What wall is that, captain?
Kremmen: The brick wall.
Carla: But isn't the wall already built, captain?
Kremmen: How do you mean?
Carla: But I thought you said that the five men already built the wall?
Kremmen: They did, Carla, but now ten men are gonna build it.
Carla: I don't get it, are the ten men going to build another wall?
Kremmen: No, Carla, it's the same wall.
Carla: Well, why would they want to do that? Didn't they like the way the five men built the wall?
Kremmen: Carla, this is a hypothetical wall.
Carla: You said it was brick!
Kremmen: It IS brick, you stupid space-nymph! What we're trying to find out is if it took five men fifteen hours to build a wall, how long would it take ten men?"
Carla: Well, what were the ten men doing when the five men were building the wall in the first place? I mean, why didn't they help build the whole thing, it could have been done in no time!
Kremmen: Carla, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall!
Carla: Which wall is that, captain?

[Belmont2500]

from Back To The Future:

*Marty Mcfly appears in George Mcfly's(young) room dressed in a radiation suit and plays Van Helen music to wake him up*

George Mcfly: Who are you?

Marty(in radiation suit):*plays Van Helen music again* Silence earthling, my name is Darth Vader,I'm an extraterrestril from the planet Fulcon(not Falcon).

George looks at a sci fi magazine and sees that the character on the cover looks just like the "Darth Vader" character standing in front of him, I've gotta say this has to be the best Star Wars referance in a film.  

[Spartanguy88]

Kung Fu Panda

*After the Five return to the palace defeated by Tai Lung*

Tigress: We thought we could stop him...

Shifu: He could have killed you!

Mantis: Why didn't he?

Shifu: So then he could send you back here and strike fear into our hearts. But it won't work!

Po: Uh... it might. I mean, you know... a little. I mean I'm kinda scared...

[Cancerian Tiger]

Ooh, ooh!  I've got some!

"Big Daddy"

Julian (during court): "He taught me to pee on a building and that Styx is the greatest band in the world and they only got a bad rep because most critics are cynical a**holes."

and

Delivery Guy (during English lessons): "Fish?  Pony?  Hip?  Hip-hop?  Hiphopanonymous?  Damn you!  You give him the easy ones!"

[MrDrake]

From Up:
Russel: *about Dug* Can we keep him, please, please, please!?
Carl: No
Russel: But he's a talking dog!

From Night at the Museum 2:
Kamunrah: *after the Birdmen retreat back into the Underworld* Well, this is awkward.....

Ivan the Terrible: What now?
Kamunrah: You know, I'm not quite sure, I suppose we should start by watching him die *in regards to Larry*

Amelia: Admit it, you haven't been able to take your cheaters off my chassis since we met
Larry: I literally did not understand a single word you just said

[Spartanguy88]

Brutal Legend

Eddie: Bring on the impalement.
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Eddie: Do you ever wish you could go back to when the music was... real?

Roadie: Like the 70's?

Eddie: Earlier, like the... Early 70's.

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Eddie: I think I read somewhere that killing nuns was bad luck. I better get out of here.

[MrDrake]

Up

Young Ellie: I'm going to South America, it's like America, but south

Chowder

Mung Daal: *after Chowder had put poison into his Burple Nurples* Why did I even keep the poison in there? *sees giant rat walk on by* Oh, that's why

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Chowder: Pepper spray? That sounds delicious *is sprayed in the face with Peper spray* I was wrong! I was horribly, horribly wrong!

[Ptyra]

Animaniacs
(Wakko is the only one playing Bingo)
Scratchinsniff: Oh nein!
Wakko: O-9? BINGO!

[Cancerian Tiger]

From TMNT I:

Raphael (while chasing Casey Jones): Get back here!  I'm not finished with you!"

*Shot of NYC shows on screen*

Raphael's voice: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!"

Love that scene !  I could forsee Cera doing that if someone pisses her off and she can't catch 'em .

[MrDrake]

Austin: *to the mole* Mole! Bloody Mole! We're not suppose to talk about the bloody mole! But there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I wanna chop it off, and cut it up and make some guacamole

Austin: Nice to mole you, meet you, nice to meet you mole, don't say mole, I said mole
- Austin Powers in Goldmember

Unicorn: Charlie
Charlie: What?
Unicorn: We're on a bridge Charlie!
- Charlie the Unicorn

Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Unicorn #2: Hello?
Unicorn #1: Ring ring
Charlie: *angrily: You have a bad connection!
- Charlie the Unicorn 3