The Gang of Five
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Funniest Quotes You've Heard

The Chronicler

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Here's a few funny quotes from Top Gear (the American version on the History Channel).

Adam (seeing Rutledge wearing what used to be an inflatable alligator): You could not had pick a more ridiculous outfit! (he sees Tanner arrive, who is wearing a hazmat suit and gas mask) Apparently I was wrong.


(after Rutledge's car breaks down and he has to push it through the streets of San Francisco)
Adam (over the radio in his car): Hey, Tanner? Remember that victory dance he did after winning the push race? Well now he can do it uphill in an alligator suit.


This one comes from a different episode.

(Rutledge and Adam are practicing a racing video game, while Tanner is practicing the real deal on the real track)
Adam: How do you think Tanner is doing?
Rutledge: I'd have to say he might be struggling as much as we are.
Adam: I sure hope not. (his virtual car slams head-on into the wall and flips over) 'Cause he'd be dead.

"I have a right to collect anything I want. It's just junk anyway."
- Berix

My first fanfiction: Quest for the Energy Stones
My unfinished and canceled second fanfiction: Quest for the Mask of Life
My currently ongoing fanfiction series: LEGO Equestria Girls



Spartanguy88

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Spiderman: Edge of Time
*Present Spiderman has just destroyed a massive robot prototype that Future Spiderman was fighting*

Present Spiderman: There's nothing left here to trash. Are you still there?

Future Spiderman: For the most part.

Present: Did they turn into something else? Like, I dunno... kittens?
*Future Spiderman is now surrounded by dozens of man sized robots*

Future Spiderman: Yeah... Small. Metal. Robotic. Killer Kittens.

Present Spiderman: Aww...


MrDrake

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Peter: *singing to the Jaws theme whilst swimming with a shark fin on his head*
Hehehehehehehe
I'm half shark, and half Peter
Don't come near me or I'll eat you
Hehehehehehehehe

- Family Guy

Jaws: Rawr!
Fisherman #1: Stop eating out boat Jaws!
Jaws: Rawr! I'm goona eat your boat, then I'm gonna eat you guys! Rawr!
Bigger Jaws: *not far from boat* Rawr!
Jaws: Oh my god, what was that!?
Fisherman #1: It's Bigger Jaws!
Jaws: *unenthusiastically* Oh my god, now we have a common enemy, now we have to work together.....
- Bigger Jaws (Family Guy)


Spartanguy88

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The Simpsons
*Homer is skiing uncontrollably down a slope*

Homer: Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said...

*In a thought bubble next to Homer*
Instructor: If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is-
*Scene in thought bubble switches to Ned Flanders in a slim ski outfit*
Flanders: It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. NOTHING AT ALL!

Homer: Gah! STUPID SEXY FLANDERS!!!!


MrDrake

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Lisa: I need a challenge!
*dog shows up and growls at her*
Lisa: I mean a mental challenge!
*dogs stops growling, shrugs and walks off*
- The Simpsons

Pinkie Pie: *after Twilight has told them all to be quiet*  And then I said "Oatmeal, are you crazy!?"
- My Little Ponny: Friendship is Magic


Spartanguy88

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Sealab 2021
*Captain Murphy is attempting to bend a metal spoon with his mind*

Stormy: Captain, it's not the spoon you wish to bend... but rather, the WILL of the spoon.

Murphy: You just bought yourself a ticket to pretzel town buddy!
*Murphy tries unsuccessfully to bend Stormy*
Murphy: ...Damn your non-metal body!


MrDrake

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Jack Sparrow: Where's that monkey? I need something to shoot
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest


Spartanguy88

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Red vs Blue

Simmons: How many snack cakes have you had today?

Grif: None.

Simmons: ...

Grif: Okay five...or more. Baker's dozen at most.

Simmons: Do you even KNOW how many there is in a Baker's dozen?

Grif: By my count... fourty-eight.


MrDrake

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Megatron: Soundwave! Energize the forcefields!
Soundwave: What forcefields?
- G1 Transformers


Spartanguy88

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The Simpsons

*During filming for the Radioactive Man movie, Wolfcastle is washed away in acid.*

Wolfcastle: My eyes! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!!
------------------------

Red vs. Blue
*The Reds are attempting to restore power to their base*

Sarge: It seems to me that Blue Base is online... We need to get someone over there, see how they did it. Simmons, that'll be you.

Simmons: Why me?

Sarge: I don't think Grif could possibly figure out how electricity works. I'm not even certain he knows what it is.

Grif: The man's right, I have no idea.

Simmons: *sigh* Whatever.

Grif: No, seriously, I have no idea. I always thought it was some kind of invisible magic.

Simmons: Shut up.
------------------------------
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
*Pinke Pie and Spike are broadcasting the Running of the Leaves*

Spike: You know Pinkie, these two ponies (Rainbow Dash and Applejack) have a bit of a grudge match they're trying to settle. Trying to prove who's the most athletic.

Pinkie Pie: Yes, and "grudge" rhymes with "fudge."

Spike: Yes, it...does...what?

Pinkie Pie: And I like fudge. But if I eat too much fudge, I get a pudge, and then I can't budge.

Spike: So...no fudge...?

Pinkie Pie: Oh no thanks. I had a big breakfast.

Spike:  :blink:


MrDrake

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The Riddler: Congratulations Batman, you figured out how to open a door

***

Two-Face: Two guns bitch!

- Batman: Arkham City


Spartanguy88

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MLP: FiM

Rainbow Dash: Now, what have we learned?

Fluttershy: Lots of control.

RD: Good.

FS: Screaming and hollering.

RD: Yes, and most importantly?

FS: Passion.

RD: Right! So now that you know the elements of a good cheer, let's hear one.

FS: (Very softly) Yay.

RD: You're gonna cheer for me like THAT? Louder.

FS: (Same tone) Yay.

RD: Louder!

FS: (Same tone) Yay.

RD: LOUDER!!!!

FS: (Takes deep breath, then in same tone) Yay.

RD: *Groans and falls over*

FS: ...Too loud?
--------------------------------------
Red vs Blue: Reconstruction
*Simmons is hacking into Command's network on info on the Blues*
Sarge: What're you finding out, Simmons?

Simmons: Looks like all the Blue records are here, I just don't have the access to delete them. I'm trying to work around that right now.

Grif: Ooh, try hacking the mainframe.

Simmons: This isn't a mainframe system.

Grif: How 'bout cracking it, would cracking it work?

Simmons: Grif shut up! Stop making suggestions when you have no idea what you're talking about.

Grif: Well, if you want help-

Simmons: I don't want help.

Grif: Maybe you should explain what's going on, and I could make an educated suggestion.

Simmons: Ehducated? Okay, fine. This computer is a dedicated interface with a highly developed security protocol. The information we are accessing is stored on a separate database with its own dedicated hardware. That system has its own distinct layer of security. From what I can tell, the two systems verify their identities by trading randomly generated two thousand fifty six bit encryption keys. I'm tryin' to spoof one of those keys right now. So, Grif. I'm all ears. Any suggestions?

Grif: Oh yeah, I've seen that before. You should try uploading a virus to the mainframe.

Simmons: Jesus.

Grif: I find viruses that feature a laughing skull tend to work the best.

Simmons: Shut the (CENSORED) up and let me work!


MrDrake

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Hostage: *about The Riddler* So, why don't you just give him what he wants?
Batman: Because he's insane
- Batman: Arkham City

Homer: Can't murder now, eating
- The Simpsons


Dash The Longneck

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FIM



(Apple Bloom clucks like a chicken)

Scootaloo: What are you doing?

Apple Bloom: Calling out to the chicken

Scootaloo: That's not how you call a chicken.

Apple Bloom: Then show me how to do it.

Scootaloo: I don't need to show you, that's just not how to do it.

Apple Bloom: You just won't do it because you're chicken.

Scootaloo: I am not.

Apple Bloom: Wait, now I do know how to call a chicken. "Scootaloo....Scoot....Scoot... Scootaloo

Scootaloo: That's so funny I forgot to laugh

Apple Bloom: You also forgot how to call a chicken.

*Sticks tongue out*


Spartanguy88

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Kung Fu Panda 2
Tigress: I hope this turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water.

Po: This plan is nothing like that plan.

Tigress: How?

Po: 'Cause this one's gonna work.


MrDrake

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Scootaloo: Wouldn't that be cool to have that as a cutie mark?
Apple Bloom: "Cool", if you were actually victoryful at something
Sweetie Belle: That's not a word!
Scootaloo: What are you? A dictionary?

Sweetie Belle: It's not chaos you dodo!
Scootaloo: Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of!
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic


Spartanguy88

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MLP: FiM

Rainbow Dash: When we get to Appleloosa, you think we'll have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?

Pinkie Pie: What tree? You mean Bloomberg?

Rainbow Dash :(Sarcastic tone) No, Fluttershy.

Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy's not a tree, silly!

Twilight Sparkle: What's going on?

Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy's a tree!

Rainbow Dash: I do not think she's a tree! I was just--

Twilight Sparkle: Did you say she was a tree?

Rainbow Dash: No! Well, yes. But not exactly--

Twilight Sparkle: You know she's not a tree, right?

Pinkie Pie: She's not a tree, Dashy!

Fluttershy: I'd like to be a tree...

The Simpsons

"I know I'm not normally a praying man; but if you can hear me please... save me Superman!"
-Homer Simpson-



Dash The Longneck

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Quote from: MrDrake,Nov 4 2011 on  03:44 AM
Scootaloo: Wouldn't that be cool to have that as a cutie mark?
Apple Bloom: "Cool", if you were actually victoryful at something
Sweetie Belle: That's not a word!
Scootaloo: What are you? A dictionary?

Sweetie Belle: It's not chaos you dodo!
Scootaloo: Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of!
- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Which episode was that in? I missed the hilarioty of the episode in question.


MrDrake

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That was the first episode of the 2nd season.....where the CMC fight and release Discord by mistake.

Bart: And Homer went beserk when he [Mr. Burns] couldn't remember his name
Homer: *loudly* BESERK IS RIGHT!!!

Marge: Homer, use your indoor voice!
Homer: *yelling* I DON'T HAVE AN INDOOR VOICE!!!
- The Simpsons


Spartanguy88

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The Simpsons
*While filling out a form*
Mr. Burns: Let's see, social security number: 000-00-0002. Damn you Roosenvelt... Cause of parents death: Got in my way...

*The Simpson family is having dinner in Mr. Burns' dining room at a large table*

Lisa: Mom! Bart's making faces at me! *Looks through binoculars, but can't see Bart clearly* I think...

Homer: LOOK HOW LOUD I HAVE TO YELL!!!!!!