Quest for the Energy Stones

[The Chronicler]

Yeah, I'll admit, that chapter was probably a little rushed. I'll make sure to add more detail once I get around to editing it. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

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Chapter 50
A Way Home

The two battles had lasted for just over half of the day. Word of the victory quickly reached the six villages. In each village, their Turaga asked everyone, Matoran and dinosaurs, to come with them to Kini-Nui to celebrate.

Once everyone arrived at the Kini-Nui temple, the Turaga asked the two groups of the battle to tell of their heroic actions earlier that day. The gang was proud to hear that, when all hope had seemed lost, virtually every defense force in the valley had come to the rescue. Everyone, especially the families of the gang, was just as proud when they heard how the gang had fought the battle beneath the temple.

When the gang mentioned how they had used the Energy Stones to defeat Makuta, the Matoran were just as amazed as the dinosaurs were. To the Matoran, the gang had seemed to have used the same elemental powers possessed only by the Toa. Clearly, these Energy Stones were very special.

After the two stories had been told, the Turaga stepped forward and made an announcement. “I and the other Turaga have decided that today's battle and the search for the Energy Stones that made it possible deserve to be recorded on a wall of history,” announced Turaga Vakama. “As for who will be the one to record these events, that decision shall now be made by the Turaga and herd leaders of the Great Valley.”

The decision was quick and unanimous. Everyone agreed that Takua should be the one to record these events, as he was the only Matoran who always stayed with the gang the whole time.

Turaga Vakama turned to Takua and asked, “Will you accept the honor to be the Chronicler of these events?”

“Yes,” replied Takua. “I would proudly accept such an honor.”

With that decision made, Turaga Onewa tapped Vakama on the shoulder and whispered, “I think we need to discuss what should be done with the Energy Stones.”

Turaga Vakama agreed and said to the gathered crowd, “We would appreciate it if you could wait a moment while we discuss something of importance.”

The crowd agree and waited for the Turaga to finish their discussion between themselves.

When they were finished, Turaga Vakama turned to the crowd and announced, “I and the other Turaga have agreed that, in the event that the Matoran find a way to return to their home, the Energy Stones shall be left in this universe. It is clear that those stones can give anyone the power of a Toa, so we believe that it is best that we leave them in good hands that we know we can trust.”

With the gathering now over, everyone spent the rest of the day celebrating the victory. Some dinosaurs danced to the cheerful music that was played by some Le-Matoran. Other dinosaurs cheered as they watched some Po-Matoran play a few rounds of Koli. The elderly dinosaurs, including Littlefoot's grandparents, discussed many interesting subjects with the Turaga. Overall, it was a great day of celebration.
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The next day began on a rather sad note for Ruby. With the threat of Makuta gone, Ruby's family no longer had any reason to stay in the Great Valley. Ruby, along with her friends and a few Matoran, walked with her family until they reached the edge of the Great Valley.

“Are you sure you don't want to stay?” asked Ruby to her parents. “This is a much better place to live in than the place we have always lived in.”

“That may be true, but this place just isn't our home,” replied Ruby's father. “Besides, we have learned many things during our stay, and we feel that it is our duty to teach these lessons to the herds outside of the Great Valley.”

“However, this valley is such a great place that I think we might decide to visit this place every once in a while,” added Ruby's mother.

“That is a good thing for me to hear. A good thing to hear that is,” commented Ruby.

Once they arrived at the edge of the valley, the gang said their goodbyes to Ruby's family. Among the Matoran who also came to say goodbye were Takua, Kopeke, Hahli, and Hafu. Matoro couldn't come because he had work to do in Ko-Koro.

Hafu had been carrying something with him, but nobody could tell what it was because he had it covered with a piece of cloth. Before the final goodbyes were said, Hafu walked up to Ruby's family and said, “Before you leave, I would like to give you something. A special request from Ruby.” He removed the cloth to reveal a small statuette of Matoro. Ruby's family was rather surprised by this, but they accepted the gift anyway. “She asked me to carve this and give it to you so that you will always be reminded about who it was that had saved your lives.”

Ruby's father was sure that that was what Ruby had said to Hafu, but he wasn't so sure if she had been honest about that. He had been hoping that Ruby would have gotten over such feelings she had for Matoro, but perhaps his initial feeling about the situation had been true after all. Regardless, he remained convinced that she would eventually come to realize the improbability of such a relationship.

After a few final goodbyes, Ruby's family left the Great Valley. Most of the group then headed back into the valley. Eventually, Ruby and Hahli were the only ones who remained at the edge of the valley. Hahli put her hand on Ruby's shoulder and calmly said, “Don't worry about them so much. This is their choice, after all.”

“I guess you are right about that. Right about that you are,” said Ruby.

“Come on, let's get back into the valley.” The two of them then turned around and headed back into the valley.
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Takua and his friends arrived at Kini-Nui just in time to see Cera's father help a few Po-Matoran unload the last of a few massive blank tablets from a cart. They assumed that he had been hauling that cart from Po-Koro, where the tablets had been quarried.

The Turaga had mentioned during yesterday's celebration that they had decided to place the Wall of History in Ta-Koro. However, Takua was still banished from that village, so they decided to cart the massive tablets from the quarry near Po-Koro to Kini-Nui, where Takua would record the recent events on them. Once he was done, the tablets would be carted to Ta-Koro, where they would be erected to form part of the planned Wall of History. With the possibility of not only one day returning to Mata Nui, but also of the Toa arriving and truly defeating Makuta, Turaga Vakama decided to leave room for a lot more history to be recorded in the future.

Once the massive tablets had been unloaded, the Po-Matoran headed back to Po-Koro. As Cera's father also left, he said something about Tria being mad at him if he was late again, but the gang didn't quite hear most of it.

Earlier that day, Turaga Nokama had given Takua a Chronicler's Staff, which she had crafted a few days earlier, to etch words on the tablets. Since Takua was not officially entitled Chronicler, he was told to return the staff to Nokama when he was done with it.

Takua decided to start at the beginning of the day the villages arrived in the Great Valley. As Takua began etching words onto the first blank tablet, the gang watched with curiosity.

“What are you doing?” asked Ali. Since she had only recently met Takua, she was far less familiar with Matoran concepts than her friends were.

“I am recording all the events that have happened since the Matoran first arrived in this universe,” replied Takua. “In other words, I'm writing them down.”

“Why?” asked Ali.

“Because it makes it easier to tell these stories. Let me put it this way, instead of having to memorize every part of the story, you only need to read what is written here in order to tell these stories exactly the way they should be told.”

“So you're saying that you can tell people stories without having to remember the whole thing?” asked Cera.

“That's right,” replied Takua. “Of course, you have to write it all down first, and I think I could use a little help from you guys with a few parts.”

“Don't worry, Takua. Of course we'll help you,” said Littlefoot.

As Takua recorded the events, he spoke them aloud so that his friends, who still couldn't read, would know what part he was at so they could tell him anything that he might have missed or not known about. It actually didn't take them long to get through the events of the first few days.
________

A few hours later, Ali's herd arrived at the Great Valley. Ali was the first one to notice their arrival. “Hey, it's my herd!” she exclaimed in happiness. She then ran up to her mother while Takua and the gang watched her happily rejoin her herd.

“Nice to see you made it out of there alive,” said Takua to the herd.

“A few of us suffered some injuries in that battle, but we will recover,” replied the leader of the herd, the Old One. “Now, we only came here to find Ali, who we heard had safely escaped with you. We must get back on our migration routes, so we will stay only to get some lunch and then we will be on our way.”

Ali sighed. “I guess this means we won't see each other for a while,” she said to her friends.

“Yeah, I was hoping that you could have stayed for a while,” said Littlefoot. “But I guess Takua was right, they did know to find you here.”

“Speaking of him.” Ali turned towards Takua. “I just want to say thanks for everything you did. I'm very glad I could call you a friend.”

“So am I, Ali,” said Takua. “So am I.”

Once the herd was finished eating lunch, the gang said their goodbyes to Ali. The herd then left the valley through the pass near Saurus Rock. The Po-Matoran carvers had finished carving Saurus Rock only yesterday, but there was still all the scaffolding around it that had to be removed. One of the notable features of Saurus Rock was that ring of teeth around the neck, so the carvers decided to not only smoothen the surfaces to make it more noticeable but also replace the crude replacement tooth that had been left there by Littlefoot some time ago. They had carved a replacement tooth from the same type of rock that made up Saurus Rock and stuck it into place with mortar. None of the carvers believed in the superstition that damaging Saurus Rock would bring bad luck. They had even joked that by adding a replacement tooth that was very close to the original, they had erased all traces of bad luck.

By the time Ali's herd passed by Saurus Rock, the last of the scaffolding had been removed. Back in the valley, the gang looked in awe at the new Saurus Rock. The carvers had done a great job smoothing out all the surfaces. The most notable difference was the head, particularly because there was now a face on it. As Takua looked at the face on Saurus Rock, he couldn't help but notice that it looked rather similar to a certain friend of his.

After taking some time to appreciate the statue dedicated to the Great Valley, Takua and the gang went back to work recording the events of the search for the Energy Stones.
________

Takua decided to stop for the day at the part just before where the search for the Energy Stones was about to begin. The sun was setting and it was starting to get dark, even though he could have taken out his lightstone.

The gang was just about to leave to go to their nests when Takua noticed Matoro approaching them. “Matoro? What are you doing here?” asked Takua.

“And what have you been doing all day?” asked Ruby, who was concerned rather than angry. “I really wanted you to be with us when we said goodbye to my family.”

“Turaga Nuju insisted that I stayed in Ko-Koro today,” replied Matoro. “He said that he found a rather important prophecy and needed my help to decipher it. It turns out that it was a wise decision. I came here to tell you about that prophecy, now that we have deciphered it. It says, 'Seven days after the Master of Shadow returns to his world, the six villages will follow'.”

“What does that mean?” asked Chomper.

“I think the first part is referring to Makuta,” replied Littlefoot. “I think that, when we defeated him, all we did was send him back to his universe. The second part... I think it says that the six Matoran villages will also be sent back to their universe.”

“'Seven days after...' does that mean we only have a week before we go back to Mata-Nui?” asked Takua.

“I believe so,” replied Matoro.

The gang had mixed feelings about this revelation. They were happy to hear that the Matoran now knew they would soon return home, but they were also sad because Takua was one of their closest friends. They didn't want to see him leave, but they somehow knew there was nothing they could do about it.

Matoro turned around and was about to leave when Takua stopped him. “Wait!” said Takua. “I just want to know one more thing. After all that we have been through these last few days, what do the Matoran think of me?”

Matoro sighed. “I'll be honest with you, even though I am not part of this crowd,” replied Matoro. “Compared to your friends, most Matoran see you as nothing more than the one who simply tagged along. They consider your friends the heroes, but not you.”

As Matoro left, Takua simply stood there, thinking about what he had just heard. Finally, he said, “Well, I guess I should've expected that.”

“What do you mean?” asked Ducky.

“Think about it, you were the ones who actually found the Energy Stones, not me. You were the ones who stopped Makuta, but all I did was help a few other Matoran with guard duty. I shouldn't be surprised about this, but I guess I was hoping for something better.”

“Don't worry, Takua,” said Littlefoot. “I'm sure you'll get the respect of the Matoran someday.”

“Thanks, Littlefoot, but I have a feeling that won't happen unless I find another set of stones of great power that will save them, only this time on my own.”

“Yeah, like that'll ever happen,” said Cera, sarcastically.

“Yeah, well, you never know what destiny has in store for you. Anyway, it's very late and we should probably get some sleep. We only have about a week left before I have to leave, and the sooner we finish working on these records, the more time well will have to do anything we want.”

The gang agreed and headed back to their nests for the night.
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Read and review, as always. Just two more chapters left, not counting the epilogue.

[The Chronicler]

Usually, I would wait until I got some feedback on my previous chapter before posting the next one. However, I just finished the next chapter and I just don't want to leave you guys waiting. Here it is!

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Chapter 51
The Last Day

With less than a week left until the Matoran would leave, possibly forever, Takua and his friends worked as quickly as they could to record the events of the search for the Energy Stones. As the week passed by, the Matoran found out the hard way that the Great Valley had not always been the way they had seen it.

On day two, the day after the gang found out that the Matoran would soon leave, most of the snow and ice in the western part of the valley began to melt. Fortunately for the Ko-Matoran, the immediate vicinity of their village was spared of this meltdown, so they wouldn't have to worry about protecting the structures in Ko-Koro.

On day three, the lake in the eastern part of the valley began to dry up. To prevent Ga-Koro from basically becoming beached, Onu-Matoran miners volunteered to build a large barrier around the village to keep the water in. There was not much else the miners could do anyway, as there were suddenly no resources to be found in the Great Mine. Some other miners decided to take advice from Onepu and patch up the hole in the Great Wall that had been blasted away by Nuparu many days earlier.

On day four, the large lake of lava that surrounded Ta-Koro began to cool and harden. The guardsmen in control of the gates decided to leave the bridge raised. They wanted to make sure that, if the lava cooled to the point where the columns that formed the bridge just couldn't be raised or lowered anymore, everyone would still have safe access to the village.

On day five, rain fell in Po-Koro. Predictably, the Po-Matoran were quite panicked at seeing such unusual weather. Koli matches that day were canceled, while carvers used everything they could find to cover their works in a desperate attempt to protect them from the rain. On the other side of the valley, the problem was just the opposite. The jungle and swampland surrounding Le-Koro had been receiving a lack of rainfall. As a result of this drought, most of the plants in the area began to die and were being replaced by the kinds of plants usually seen in the rest of the valley.

Takua and the gang finished their work by the end of day five. The massive tablets were then carted off to Ta-Koro. The gang decided to spend the rest of that day telling Takua about the rest of their adventures that they had not yet mentioned to him.
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Day six arrived. As the day began, the Turaga each asked two or three Matoran from their villages to meet up with them at the Kini-Nui temple for a special meeting. On his way to the temple, Turaga Vakama encountered Takua and his friends and asked them to attend that special meeting as well.

Once everyone had arrived for the meeting, the gang recognized every Matoran who was there with them: Takua, Jala, Kapura, Maku, Kotu, Hahli, Kongu, Tamaru, Matoro, Kopeke, Huki, Hafu, Onepu, Taipu, and Nuparu. Every Matoran who had helped them in their search for the Energy Stones was here, and they were wondering why the Turaga would gather them for this meeting, but nobody else.

Now that everyone was here, the Turaga began their special meeting. “Fellow Matoran, we are gathered here to announce our plans for the events of today,” announced Vakama. “As we all know by now, tomorrow is the day we will return to our home universe. That day may have never been allowed to come, had Makuta not been defeated for the first time. Makuta's defeat, in turn, could not have been done, had it not been for the heroic actions of seven brave young dinosaurs, who now stand here with us.” He gestured towards the gang, most of whom felt they were getting a bit more praise than they actually deserved. “But their actions could not have been done, had it not been for the assistance of the rest of you. Therefore, the other Turaga and I believe that it is appropriate that we show them our gratitude by having all of you spend our final day with them the same way they would enjoy any other day.”

The other Matoran had mixed reactions to this announcement. “Are you sure this is such a wise decision?” asked Jala. “There are some guardsmen who still won't stop complaining about 'the babysitting duties they had to do', their words.”

“At least I don't have to babysit Tricia today,” mumbled Cera to herself.

“I think it's a great idea,” said Taipu, who was clearly enthusiastic about it.

“I suppose it's a reasonable way to show our gratitude,” stated Matoro.

“Come on, Jala,” pleaded Hahli. “Can't you just relax and have a good time for just one day? Please?”

Jala sighed and said, “Alright, but just for today.”

“Excellent! Now go on and have a good time,” said Vakama. “The rest of us will prepare for our departure tomorrow.” The Turaga then left to go back to their villages.

“So what do you guys want to do first?” asked Takua to his friends.

“How about we go to the Thundering Falls?” suggested Ducky. “I would like to play in the water. Yep, yep, yep.”

“Not the water!” exclaimed Hafu. “Anything but the water!”

“Relax, Hafu, you don't have to come in the water with us,” assured Takua. “You can just watch us from the shore.”

“Okay, I'll watch. But I won't be coming anywhere near that stuff.”

“I'll watch you guys, too,” said Huki. “But I doubt I'll be as far away from the water as him.” He pointed behind himself at Hafu, who then glared at him for that comment.

“Alright, let's go!” said Littlefoot. The group of seven dinosaurs and fifteen Matoran then headed for the Thundering Falls.
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When they arrived at the river just beneath the Thundering falls, the gang quickly jumped into the water. Takua and the Ga-Matoran were quick to follow. Some of the Matoran chose not to follow the gang into the water, either because they preferred to watch or simply didn't like water. The Matoran who chose to stay out of the water were Huki, Hafu, Kopeke, Kongu, Onepu, Jala, and Kapura.

At first, most of them were simply swimming around. After a few minutes, Tamaru climbed out of the water and began climbing a nearby tree. He walked along a large branch and grabbed a nearby vine. He then swung out on the vine across the water. “Tree-swinger!” he shouted as he let go of the vine and hit the water with a big splash. Everyone in the water laughed in joy as he resurfaced.

Inspired by Tamaru, the gang and a few Matoran decided to try jumping into the water in their own creative ways. Nuparu decided to observe each jump and point out what he thought was impressive about each of them. Some of them were rather simple, while others were quite creative. Takua attempted a back-flip into the water, but ended up hitting the water in a belly-flop.

Taipu got out of the water and went a few meters away from the edge of it. “Make way!” he shouted as he ran towards the water with a big grin on his face. “Rock splash!” He jumped into the air and held himself into a fetal position as he hit the water, creating a massive splash.

Much of the splash hit Cera, which greatly irritated her. “Hey! You're going to pay for that!” she exclaimed as Taipu resurfaced. She then smacked her tail across the water, sending a splash at Taipu.

Taipu chuckled and said, “Okay, let's play it your way.” He then smacked his arm across the water, intending to splash Cera. But his aim was poor and he ended up splashing Littlefoot.

“Alright, game on!” exclaimed Littlefoot, before smacking his tail across the water and splashing Taipu. Soon enough, everyone in the water was splashing each other and having fun with it.

As this was going on, Huki looked back and asked, “Are you sure you don't want to come any closer?”

Hafu was standing much further away from the water than the others. He was busy etching a drawing into the side of a tree. “No thank you,” he replied. “I'm not going anywhere closer to the water. Especially with that splash-happy Onu-Matoran in there.”

Tamaru burst out laughing at the mention of the word “splash-happy”.

Petrie was flying around above the water to avoid being splashed. He then flew towards Kongu and landed on top of his head. “Why you no go in water?” he asked.

“Le-Matoran aren't exactly fond of water,” replied Kongu.

“Tamaru Le-Matoran and he in the water.”

“He's an exception. He's a good swimmer, far better than any other Le-Matoran.”

“It's true,” admitted Tamaru as he swam by on his back.

Meanwhile, Maku sighed and said, “I sometimes wish Huki would at least try to get into the water every once in a while.”

Cera was nearby and happened to hear this. “Don't worry, I'll get him in the water,” she said. “Just keep him distracted for me.” She then climbed out of the water and hid behind a nearby bush.

Maku wasn't sure if she could agree with Cera's methods, but she decided to go along with it for once. She swam to the edge of the water and said, “Huki! Over here!”

Huki noticed Maku and walked over to her.

“We're supposed to be having fun today,” said Maku. “Would you please come into the water with us?”

“I don't know,” replied Huki. “You know I'm not a good swimmer.”

Suddenly, Cera jumped out from behind the bush and charged at Huki, knocking him into the water. He flailed his arms and legs around and shouted, “Help! I can't swim!”

“Relax, Huki, the water's not that deep here,” said Maku.

Huki stopped flailing around and stood on the bottom of the river. The water only went up to his waist here at the edge of the water.

Cera then burst out laughing and exclaimed, “You should have seen the look on your face!”

“That's it, you asked for it,” said Huki as he climbed out of the water and approached Cera. She was still laughing a lot, so she had no idea what he was doing until it was too late. Huki picked up Cera and shouted, “Threehorn away!” He then tossed her out into the water. When she resurfaced, she saw Huki laughing at her. “Now who's laughing?”

“How about that? Soaked by a Po-Matoran!” said Cera.

Everyone else couldn't help but laugh at hearing such an ironic comment.
________

Once everyone was done in the water, Cera wanted to get even with Huki and decided to challenge him to a game of Koli.

When Huki heard this, he simply laughed at the idea. Hardly anyone was surprised by his reaction. After all, he was the Koli champion and almost never lost a game of Koli.

Cera wasn't going to let this hold her back. She decided to make things more interesting, and asked Littlefoot and Spike to also play.

Huki accepted the challenge and asked Hafu to set up a simple Koli field. Since the young dinosaurs would probably break their feet trying to kick a Koli ball, Huki agreed with his opponents to play with those lighter seeds.

While Hafu was setting up the Koli field, Huki decided to practice his Koli skills with the seeds, just to make sure he was as prepared as he could be. As he was practicing, Takua whispered to him, “Don't be so overconfident, Huki. I've played a few rounds of Koli with them and, believe me, you'll find it to be quite challenging to play against any dinosaur.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” replied Huki.

Once the Koli field was set up, Huki, Littlefoot, Cera, and Spike quickly took their positions in front of their goals. Takua threw the seeds onto the playing field and the game was on.

At first, Huki dominated like he always did. He managed to score a few points in the first minute of the game. Then things started to change. He managed to block one seed that was kicked towards him from Cera, but at the same time Littlefoot smacked another one with his tail, sending it flying passed Huki and into his goal.

Nearly every Matoran was very surprised at what they just saw. “Did he just score a goal against Huki!?” exclaimed Hafu. “Nobody's ever been able to do that for years!”

“Can't say I didn't warn him,” commented Takua.

As the game went on, Huki was very surprised by how much he was struggling. Eventually, despite going into overtime, he managed to beat Cera by one point. Although he had won, he was very exhausted. “Whew... that was the toughest game of Koli I've ever played,” he said, breathing heavily. He decided to sit down on a nearby rock to rest. Maku decided to sit next to him to help him relax.

Once he was finished resting, Huki wanted to see if he could beat the gang at one of their games. The gang decided to play toss-the-seed with the Matoran. They described the rules to Huki as being similar to Koli, except there were only two goals but more than one person to a team. Also, catching, throwing, and running with the seed were also allowed.

All of the Matoran agreed to play at least one round of this game, so the gang picked who would be on their teams. The first team was Littlefoot, Ducky, Spike, Ruby, Takua, Kapura, Kotu, Kongu, Matoro, Hafu, and Nuparu. The other team was Cera, Petrie, Chomper, Jala, Maku, Hahli, Tamaru, Kopeke, Huki, Onepu, and Taipu.

Once everyone confirmed that they knew all the rules, the game was on. Huki was quick to snatch the seed. He ran for the goal and had a clear shot. But right after he threw it, Kapura suddenly went to the goal and intercepted the seed. Huki and a few of his teammates quite angry about this.

“No fair! Cheater!” shouted Cera.

“Hey! No special skills!” exclaimed Huki.

“It was never specified whether or not I was allowed to use my skill,” replied Kapura with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, well, not anymore,” Huki quickly stated. He then snatched the seed from Kapura's hands and tossed it into the goal, showing that he decided to ignore Kapura's interception. “Score one for my team!” He held his fist up to Cera, who returned the gesture by lightly hitting it with her front foot.

As the game went on, each Matoran showed their own way of playing this kind of game. When Kongu was passed the seed to him by Nuparu, he ran towards Cera, stepped on her back and jumped up from there, giving him a clear shot towards the goal. Hafu tried to run for the goal like Huki did, but Kopeke stuck his leg out and tripped him, causing the seed to fly out of his hands. Taipu then kicked the seed so hard that it flew by everyone before they had a chance to stop it from going into the goal. Matoro and Ruby did a very good job of working together as they scored another goal for their team.

Everyone had agreed at the beginning of the game that the first team to score seven goals would win. The score was now tied at six, so the next goal would win the game. Jala had the seed, but he was blocked in all directions. He then noticed Petrie flying overhead, so he tossed the seed to him. Petrie grabbed it with his feet, but he lost his grip on it after a few seconds. Takua caught the seed as it fell, then he ran towards the goal. Huki, Onepu, and Kopeke quickly moved to block him from scoring a goal. However, he noticed that Littlefoot was open, so he tossed the seed to him. Littlefoot smacked it with his tail and scored the winning point.

Everyone congratulated each other for such a well played game. It was already late in the afternoon, so Takua suggested that they spend the rest of the day by having the Matoran tell the gang about a few interesting events from their lives.
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When dusk arrived, the Matoran decided that it was time to head back to their villages, so they all said their final goodbyes to them. Some didn't have much to say, while others had a lot more to say.

Besides Takua, Matoro was the last one to leave. Just before he left, Ruby hugged him and said, “I will miss you so much, Matoro. Miss you I will.”

“Uh, Ruby? You do realize your friends are watching, right?” asked Matoro.

Ruby let go of Matoro and realized that he was right. Embarrassed, she asked, “You won't tell anyone about this, right?”

“Don't worry, I'm excellent at keeping secrets.” Matoro then said goodbye to everyone and left for Ko-Koro.

The gang noticed that Takua was the only Matoran who was still with them. “What about you, Takua?” asked Littlefoot. “Aren't you going to go home with the other Matoran?”

“I don't know,” replied Takua. “I mean, I think I probably should go with them, but I'm not sure if I want to go with them.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Chomper.

“You guys are the best friends I've ever had. I don't want think about the possibility of never seeing you ever again after today.”

The gang then heard someone approaching them. They turned around and saw Turaga Vakama nearby. “Turaga Vakama, why are you here?” asked Takua.

“Just some last minute business to take care of,” replied Vakama. “Littlefoot, may I speak with you in private?”

Littlefoot wasn't sure what Vakama wanted to talk to him about, but he agreed. The two of them left and headed down the path Vakama had taken to get here. Once he was sure they were far enough away that the others couldn't hear them, Littlefoot asked, “What is it that you want to talk to me about?”

“I have a feeling that what I am about to tell you might be very emotional for you,” said Vakama. “First of all, I have a very rare ability to have visions of the future. I may have not always liked having such an ability, but I have since grown used to it. What I'm here to tell you is that, earlier today, I had another vision. I spoke with an adult Longneck who claimed to be your mother.”

At the very mention of those words, Littlefoot was struck with a painful reminder. His mother had been dead for years, and although he knew she would always be with him, he felt that he would never be able to speak with her again. If what Turaga Vakama was saying was true... He just had to hear more about this vision Vakama had. “What did she say?” he asked.

“She said that she was very proud of your efforts, to this day,” continued Vakama. “You managed to make friends with different kinds of dinosaurs, including a Sharptooth, something that had never been done before. She was especially proud of you and your friends when you found the Energy Stones and used them to defeat Makuta.”

Littlefoot felt tears running down his cheeks as he listened. He trusted Turaga Vakama as much as any other Matoran would, so he knew that what he was saying must be true. Although he didn't hear her voice, he knew that it was his mother who was speaking to him through Vakama's vision.

“She also told me that, although you have just completed your first legend, it will not be the last. There are many more challenges that lie ahead, and you must be prepared for them. You and your friends must remain united, and you must follow your duties.” Vakama placed his hand on Littlefoot's shoulder. “Your destinies are far greater than you can possibly imagine.”

After a few seconds, Littlefoot wiped away the tears from his face and said, “Thank you, Turaga Vakama. That means a lot to me.”

“You are welcome, young one. Now let us rejoin your friends. I have one more thing to tell you all.”

Littlefoot agreed and the two of them headed back to the clearing where Takua and his friends were waiting.
-------

Read and review, as always. Just one more chapter and the epilogue left to go, and then I'll finally be finished!

[Pangaea]

I guess this’ll teach me for taking so long to review a chapter.

Here's my review for Chapter 50:

The first part of this chapter felt kind of short on detail. I suppose many parts of it would be awkward and/or difficult to describe more thoroughly (the battle stories especially), but the Turaga’s announcements regarding the Energy Stones and giving Takua the role of unofficial Chronicler could have been put into dialogue, and I would have liked to have seen it.

I liked how you did the scene with Ruby’s family leaving. I thought you gave good and plausible reasons for them wanting to go. (It’s still unclear why Ruby is remaining in the valley, but there’s not really any need to go into that.)

"That is a good thing for me to hear. A good thing to hear that is." commented Ruby.

The period should be a comma.

With the possibility not only of one day returning to Mata Nui, but also of the Toa arriving and truly defeating Makuta, Turaga Vakama decided to leave room for a lot more history to be recorded in the future.

Should be “of not only”.

Now that the massive tablets had been unloaded, the Po-Matoran headed back to Po-Koro.

Present-tense sentence. Change to “once”.

I can’t remember if the gang has been acquainted with Matoran written language before, but I liked how Takua explained the concept of recording stories in writing to them. (If they aren’t familiar with writing yet, wouldn’t they have asked about what it meant to record history when the Turaga announced it?)

About a few hours later, Ali's herd arrived at the Great Valley. Since they had only wanted to retrieve Ali, they planned to stay in the valley only for lunch. The gang was sad to see her go, but they knew that she wouldn't have been staying for a while anyway.

”About” is definitely redundant, given the ambiguity of “a few hours”.

I’m guessing you didn’t want Ali’s goodbye scene to feel like a rehash of the scene in which Ruby’s family left, but I still think you should have gone into more depth. Ali hasn’t even really done much in the story since the gang brought back the last Energy Stone, and has thus felt like more of a tagalong than an acting character. I think her departure could be improved if you described the moment her herd arrived, and included dialogue in the scene when she leaves. I did, however, like how you took the opportunity to insert a description of the Po-Matoran’s completed renovation of Saurus Rock.

I feel sorry for Takua at this point. Evidently the rest of the Matoran aren’t aware that he found the tablet that led them to all the Energy Stones in the first place.

I had hoped to post a review tonight for Chapter 51 as well, but I’m getting tired, and I have a big day tomorrow, so I’m afraid it’ll have to wait for now.

[Pangaea]

Sorry for taking longer than expected. Here's my review for Chapter 51:

This was a very good chapter. Nice and descriptive, and with much more emotion (especially towards the end) than usual. Chomper and Spike were sort of left out, and I was kind of disappointed that you didn’t go into greater depth when the gang bid farewell to their Matoran friends, but overall I was satisfied.

The descriptions of the Matoran village locations reverting to their former environmental statesóand the respective tribes’ responsesówere interesting, and I felt like they drove home the certainty that the Matoran would return to their own universe.

Some other miners decided to take advice from Onepu and patch up that hole in the Great Wall that had been blasted away by Nuparu many days earlier.

I could be completely wrong, but I can’t help but feel that that “that” should be a “the”. Maybe it’s just that it causes the sentence to sound like someone is speaking, and referring to the hole in a scene that is presently taking place, rather than a more ambiguous past-tense description. (Am I even making sense? )

Maybe it’s just because it had been so long since I read the chapter in which Ta-Koro was first described, but I had forgotten that its bridge was not raised and lowered in the manner of a drawbridge, but rather rose out of the lava lake in columns. It might be helpful to readers who similarly do not remember such details from so long ago in the story (and are thus confused as to how the lava lake is essential to the bridges mechanics) if you included a brief allusion to how exactly the bridge works. For instance:

They wanted to make sure that, if the lava cooled to the point where the columns that formed the bridge just couldn't be raised or lowered anymore, everyone would still have safe access to the village.

Hafu’s reaction to Ducky’s suggestion for the first activity of the day gave me a chuckle.

Tamaru then burst out laughing at the mentioning of the word "splash-happy".

”Mentioning” should be just “mention”. Also, while not a mistake, the use of “then” is a little superfluous.

"It's ture," admitted Tamaru as he swam by on his back.

Typo. Should be “true”.

So Po-Matoran aren’t negatively affected by water in any way; they’re just afraid of it because they can’t swim? That’s interesting to know.

"Uh, Ruby? You do realized your friends are watching, right?" asked Matoro.

Should be “realize”.

Another well closed chapter. The conclusion builds anticipation.

[The Chronicler]

I'll be honest with you, Pangaea, I though you would describe your thoughts on the last part of that chapter. I tried to make it seem like a rather emotional scene and I would like to know how I did. Anyway, Here's the next chapter.

-------
Chapter 52
Departure

Littlefoot and Turaga Vakama rejoined Takua and his friends. As they arrived, Cera asked Littlefoot, “What did you and Turaga Vakama talk about?”

“It's best that you don't ask,” replied Vakama. “It's... very personal.”

Littlefoot nodded in agreement.

“Now, before I return to Ta-Koro, I have one more thing to inform all of you about.”

“And what might that be?” asked Takua.

“Takua, in order to ensure that you return to Mata Nui with the rest of us, you will be allowed back into the village, but only until after we have returned tomorrow. I know, it will probably be tough to say goodbye to your friends, but I am certain that you will make the right choice and return with us. I expect to see you in the village before I turn in for the night. Farewell, young ones.” Vakama then turned around and began heading back to Ta-Koro.

The gang was silent for a moment, thinking over what Vakama had said. Finally, Chomper asked, “Are you really going to go back to Mata Nui?”

“I think I should,” replied Takua. “Turaga Vakama usually knows what's best, and I've always trusted him. Also, he came all the way here from Ta-Koro, just to tell me that I will be allowed back in the village to make sure I go back with the rest of the Matoran. For him to do all of that, there must be a big reason why he wants me to go back with them.”

After a few seconds of silence, Ruby said, “Well, you never know what destiny might have in store for you.”

Takua thought about what Ruby just had said, and it occurred to him that it was probably more truthful than she realized. “I think you're right, Ruby. You guys may be the best friends I've ever had, but maybe... Maybe my destiny doesn't lie with you, but with the Matoran.”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Littlefoot.

“I honestly can't see why not. After all, you're the ones who found the Energy Stones. All I did was help you along the way, just like all the other Matoran who helped us. Everything that happened over the past few weeks, that was your story. I'm sure I'll find my own, someday.”

“It is so sad to think that we may never see you again. It is, it is,” said Ducky.

“Yeah, I hate to think about that, too.” Takua then came up with an idea. He took off his backpack and dumped its contents on the ground. “I want to give you guys something to remember me by, so I want you to have all of this.” He then quickly grabbed his lavaboard and put it back in his backpack. “Except for that.”

“Why not?” asked Cera.

“Three reasons: It was a special gift to me from Turaga Vakama. None of you are skilled enough to use it properly. And I honestly don't see any reason any of you would want to use it.”

“Good point,” said Petrie.

Ducky picked up the lightstone and said, “I think I will take this. Some of my brothers and sisters are scared of the dark. They are, they are. I think this will help them sleep better at night.”

Spike licked Ducky to show that he approved of this idea.

Ducky giggled. “Spike thinks this is a good idea, too. Yep, yep, yep!”

Ruby picked up the flute and said, “I don't know if I will be interested in trying to play this, but I guess I'll take it since I am probably the only one of us who is able to try to play this.”

“But me wanted it,” whined Petrie. “It remind me of sing-song Le-Koro.”

“Don't worry, Petrie, you're more than welcome to borrow it anytime you want,” said Chomper.

“Really?”

“Of course you can,” replied Ruby. “We don't have to use this to remind us of good times.”

“I guess that just leaves me with this,” said Cera as she grabbed the canister that contained the heatstone. “I did find the Energy Stone of Fire. Heat and fire are pretty much the same thing, right?”

“I guess so,” replied Littlefoot. He then noticed the only item left was the throwing disk that had been given to them at the beginning of the search for the Energy Stones. He turned to Takua and pointed at the disk with his foot. “You can take that back. I don't think any of us will need it anymore.”

“I guess I'll give it to Jala,” said Takua as he put the throwing disk in his backpack. “The Ta-Koro Guard will probably need that more than me.”

“Are you sure you don't want these things anymore?”

“Don't worry, those are things that I had collected during my many travels across Mata Nui,” said Takua. “I'm sure I won't have any problems finding replacements for them.”

“Thanks, Takua. I just wish we could also give you something to remember us by.”

“I don't think that'll be necessary. Remember, we wrote all those records for the Wall of History. I can always read over those records again so that I'll always remember you.”

“But those records are in Ta-Koro,” said Cera. “Aren't you still going to be banished from there?”

“They can't banish me forever. I promise you that, as soon as I get back to Mata Nui, I'll do everything I can to regain the trust of the Matoran.”

“I hope that you do regain their trust. I do, I do,” said Ducky.

“So do I, Ducky. So do I.” After a few seconds of silence, Takua sighed and said, “Well, I guess this is it.” He put his backpack on. “Oh, I almost forgot to mention something. After we leave tomorrow, take a look at what the other Matoran left in the place where Littlefoot introduced me to the rest of you.” He then began walking away while looking back and waving to the gang. “Goodbye, guys. I hope we can see each other again, someday.”

“Goodbye, Takua,” said his friends at once.

“I hope we can see each other again, too,” added Littlefoot.

Takua then turned around and headed down the path to Ta-Koro.

The gang continued to watch Takua until they couldn't see him anymore. By that time, it was late in the evening, and their parents were calling them home. Nobody said anything as they headed back to their nests. They were very sad to see a very close friend leave their world and possibly never come back.

As Littlefoot laid down in his nest that night, he couldn't help but look at the tree where Takua had slept for the past few weeks. It felt strange not seeing Takua there anymore. Despite his sadness, he eventually managed to fall asleep.
________

The next morning, every dinosaur in the Great Valley gathered at the Stone Circle in the center of the valley. Nearby, the Kini-Nui temple was still there, but everyone knew that it would soon be gone, along with the six villages.

The gang stared at the temple, knowing that once it was gone, it was possible that they would never see Takua ever again. Some of them had considered going to Ta-Koro for one more goodbye, but since they had no idea exactly when the Matoran would leave, they didn't want to take any chances and accidentally end up going to Mata Nui with the Matoran. Their families were more important to them than a single friend.

Everyone waited for about an hour. Finally, the departure of the Matoran began the same way their arrival had. Seven large beams of light appeared, coming from one point in the sky. One of those light beams shone directly on the Kini-Nui temple. The light beams grew so bright that everyone had to cover their eyes. After a few seconds, the light beams grew dimmer before fading away completely. Everyone uncovered their eyes and saw that the temple was no longer there. The Matoran had returned to their home.

Now that the event was over, the dinosaurs left the area to continue with their lives. Eventually, the gang were the only ones left there. They continued to stare at where the Kini-Nui temple had once been, thinking about their friend, Takua.

After many minutes of silence, Petrie asked, “Now what?”

A few seconds later, Littlefoot suddenly remembered something. “Wait a minute, Takua said he wanted us to see something after he left!” he said. “He said it was in that clearing where the rest of you first met him. Come on, let's go see what it is!”

The gang followed Littlefoot as he headed for the clearing where he had first introduced Takua to his friends.

When the gang arrived at the small clearing in the forest, they were amazed at what they saw. It was a large rock that had clearly been carved. Its basic shape was a dome. Carved onto the top of the dome shape was a Pakari mask, the same type of mask that was worn by Takua. Facing away from the center of the dome in equal directions were the heads of seven dinosaurs. But these weren't just any dinosaurs, they were them. This carved rock appeared to be a statue dedicated to them. The most notable feature of this statue was that, below each of their respective heads, placed inside a slot, was each of the Energy Stones they had used.

“How did this get here without us noticing it?” asked Cera.

“Do you think Takua asked a Po-Matoran to carve this for us?” asked Chomper.

“I don't think it really matters how this thing got here, or who made it,” replied Littlefoot. “I think what this shows us is that the Matoran will always remember us.”

“Right,” agreed Ruby. “We might not see each other again, but at least we will always remember each other.”

“Will we really not see Takua ever again?” asked Ducky.

“To tell you the truth, I think we will see him again, someday,” replied Littlefoot.

“What makes you say that?” asked Cera.

“Our search for the Energy Stones was our first legend, but I have a feeling that it won't be the last. I think that we will soon face a much bigger journey than anything we've ever been through. But for now, let's just enjoy our lives while we still can.”

Everyone agreed with Littlefoot. As they left the clearing, they all took one last look at the statue with the Energy Stones. They were now confident that, one way or another, they would again meet their friend Takua, someday.
-------

Read and review, as always. All I have left to write is the epilogue and I will finally be done with this.

[Pangaea]

I'll be honest with you, Pangaea, I though you would describe your thoughts on the last part of that chapter. I tried to make it seem like a rather emotional scene and I would like to know how I did. Anyway, Here's the next chapter.

I’m sorry I disappointed you. Unfortunately, one thing I’m not very good at is describing my reactions to emotional scenes in stories, movies, etc., because most of the time, I simply am not affected emotionally by such scenes (not on a conscious level, anyway). It’s hard to explain, but that’s basically why I didn’t go into more depth; I’m a poor evaluator of the effectiveness of emotional scenes. I thought you did a good job, and I liked how the scene connected this story to the original LBT movie (In both canon and fanfiction, I feel that the events that began the LBT series are too often ignored), and merged the spiritual elements of that film with the prophetic elements of the Bionicle series.

As for the new chapter, it was another good one. I was half-expecting that Takua would remain in the dinosaur universe with the gang. (I sort of figured that his decision would be influenced by Vakama.) It hadn’t occurred to me that if Takua did leave, the gang would have to say their goodbyes to him the night before, because he would have to be in one of the villages when the Matoran left. I also felt like there was a strong sense of finality to Takua’s departure, such that you would think that he was never coming back.

Takua thought about what Ruby * just said. He then realized that what she * said was probably more truthful than she probably realized.

Quite a bit of repetition in these two sentences. The second “probably” is completely redundant, and should be removed, and I think one of the “realized”’s should be changed as well (e.g., the first one to “it occurred to him”, or the second one to “knew”). The word “had” should be inserted at the locations of the two red asterisks (*). I think you could combine these sentences and get rid of one of the “what (Ruby/she) * said”’s. Perhaps something like this:

Takua thought about what Ruby had just said, and it occurred to him that it was probably more truthful than she realized.

Everything that happened over the past few weeks, this was your story. I'm sure I'll find my own, some day.

It may not matter how accurate Takua’s grammar is, but technically, “this” should be “that”. Also “some day” should be one word.

I liked each of the gang’s explanations for choosing their respective mementos from Takua, but I also noticed that this was the only part of the farewell scene that was not expressed in dialogue. I feel bad for being constantly on your back about this sort of thing, but this is another scene that would benefit from being rewritten in greater depth.

On an observational note, it looks like only three of the gang actually got to keep anything. Not enough keepsakes to go around, I suppose, though Ducky could share the lightstone with Spike; the same for the flute with Ruby and Chomper (who are probably the only ones who would be able to use it anyway). This is something else that could be addressed if you expanded this part of the scene: which of them get a souvenir to keep and which of them don’t? (By the way, I assume Cera also got to keep the canister the heatstone was stored in, sinceóif I remember correctlyóit’s too hot for a dinosaur to touch without getting burned.)

After a few seconds, the lights beams grew dimmer before fading away completely.

I can’t tell whether you meant to say “lights’ beams” or “light beams”, but as far as I know, either one is a grammatically appropriate revision.

A few seconds later, Littlefoot suddenly remembered something. "Wait a minute, Takua said he wanted us to see something after he left," said Littlefoot. "He said it was in that clearing where the rest of you first met him. Come on, let's go see what it is.

I don’t think you need any further indicator that it is Littlefoot who is speaking, so I would either change this to “he said”, or remove it entirely. I think there should also be an exclamation point at the end of the first sentence.

But these weren't just any dinosaurs, it was them.

I’m not completely sure of this, but I think this should be “they were”.

Your description of the statue was very good (it made it easy to envision what it looked like), but there was one detail that confused me: the slots containing the energy stones were described as being in front of the carvings of the gang’s heads. Does this mean that each slot is located below its respective head?

The most notable feature of this statue was that, in front of each of their respective heads, placed inside a slot, were the Energy Stones they had used.

This sentence seems to alternate between describing singular and plural subjects. I would suggest modifying it to one of the following:

The most notable feature of this statue was that, in front of each of their respective heads, placed inside slots, were the Energy Stones they had used.

The most notable feature of this statue was that, in front of each of their respective heads, placed inside a slot, was the Energy Stone each of them had had used.

The most notable feature of this statue was that, in front of each of their respective heads, placed inside a slot, was each of the Energy Stones they had used.

"To tell you the truth, I think we will see him again, some day," replied Littlefoot.

Everyone agree with Littlefoot. As they left the clearing, they all took one last look at the statue with the Energy Stones. They were now confident that, one way or another, they would again meet their friend Takua, some day.

Should be “someday” (one word).

Everyone agree with Littlefoot.

Should be “agreed”.

I thought this was a pretty conclusive final chapter; I’m wondering what you’re planning to do with the epilogue. My prediction: it’ll be from the point of view of the Matoran, and possibly set the stage for a sequel.

[The Chronicler]

Just so you know, the epilogue is intended to be more like a brief summary of the events that happen to the Matoran after the events of the final chapter. It's mostly similar to the Bionicle canon, except for that parts that mention the events of this story.

-------
Epilogue

Immediately after the event, the Matoran took a good look beyond their villages to see if they had actually returned to Mata Nui. Once they had confirmed that they had indeed returned home, Takua's banishment from Ta-Koro was reinstated. He ended up spending the next few weeks living on a beach near the village, even though he continued to travel around the island like he always did.

One morning, Jala came to Takua and told him that Turaga Whenua had an important task for him to do. Little did anyone know that it was the beginning of Takua's own quest for stones of great power: the Toa Stones. Once these stones had been collected and brought to Kini-Nui, they would summon the Toa to the island, so they could begin their quest to awaken the Great Spirit, Mata Nui.

Journeying across the island, Takua managed to find each of the Toa Stones. Onua's Toa Stone was hidden in a small section of a cave system deep within the Great Mine. Gali's Toa Stone was hidden at the top of the coastal cliffs just south of Ga-Koro. Pohatu's Toa Stone was guarded by a Nui-Jaga, which Takua managed to defeat. Lewa's Toa Stone was hidden inside a large tree in the jungle near Le-Koro. Kopaka's Toa Stone was buried under a deep layer of snow in the drifts outside of Ko-Koro. And Tahu's Toa Stone was hidden inside the largest volcano on the island.

When Takua finally arrived at Kini-Nui, the six Turaga were there and told him that, in order to summon the Toa, he had to place the Toa Stones in the sand pit at the center of the temple, just like the Energy Stones. Takua did that, but the result was different from the Energy Stones. Once the Toa Stones were in place, beams of energy shot straight up into the sky from each of them. Takua was unfortunate enough to be caught in one of those beams, which threw him high into the air and resulted in him slamming into the beach near Ta-Koro. He survived, but the impact gave him a severe case of amnesia, causing him to forget everything, including his name.

Despite having lost all of his memories, Takua managed to fulfill his promise to the gang and eventually regained the trust of the Matoran. He did this by helping the villages when they faced major problems or disasters. He rescued Turaga Nokama and the Ga-Matoran when they were trapped inside a sunken hut, as a result of a Tarakava attack. He discovered that an epidemic in Po-Koro was caused by a new type of Koli ball, which turned out to have been stored in a cave with infected masks. He helped Onu-Matoran miners regain access to a Lightstone mine that had been cut off by a lava flow. He helped the Gukko Force rescue Turaga Matau and many other Le-Matoran who had been captured by Nui-Rama.

Because of these selfless actions, Takua was officially entitled Chronicler. One of his first tasks as Chronicler was to gather a group of Matoran to protect Kini-Nui against the Rahi, while the Toa battled against Makuta. Once the temple was secured, Takua voluntarily found another way into Makuta's lair, so that he could personally watch the Toa defeat Makuta, allowing him to later record those events. After the battle, he came across a giant nest of insectoid machines called Bohrok and barely managed to escape. Finding himself on the same beach where his journey had started, Takua was informed by Turaga Vakama that, due to his brave and selfless acts, he was finally welcome back in Ta-Koro.

Continuing his role as Chronicler, Takua helped the villages in their defense against the Bohrok swarms. It wasn't until after the Toa had stopped the threat of the Bohrok for good that Takua finally got the opportunity to read what had already been recorded on the Wall of History. By reading over the events of the quest for the Energy Stones, he was finally reminded of all the great adventures he had on a far away world with seven young dinosaurs, whom he had considered the best friends he ever had.
-------

Read and review, as always. Yes, I am planning a sequel, but I won't give out any details until after I've replaced each chapter here with their corrected and improved versions. If you want to see them, just take a look at what I have on fanfiction.net, so far.

[Pangaea]

Congratulations on finishing your story! I have to say, as crossovers go, this one was pretty well done.

To be honest, I was a little disappointed that the epilogue did not contain a scene from the (Ta-)Matoran’s perspective as they arrive back in Mata-Nui (much as the prologue described the villages disappearing from Mata-Nui and the events immediately beforehand). I think this would have bookended the story well. Maybe you could still add one when you update the epilogue. The other, summarized events could simply remain as they are.

I imagine that the sequel, if you do make it, will refer to the events described here, which is one reason you mentioned them. Also, considering that if the epilogue had only described the Matoran returning to their own universe, the story would have ended with of Takua being kicked out of Ta-Koro again. So this was a pretty good choice for a conclusion. You showed that, despite being generally considered only a tagalong on the quest for the Energy Stones, Takua managed to become eminent in his own right. And despite the tragedy of Takua losing his memory (which I assume is based on a canon event), you managed to close the story on a nostalgic note.

Okay, proofreading . . .

Little did anyone know, it was the beginning of Takua's own quest for stones of great power: the Toa Stones.

Should be “know that it” (though I’m not certain, “know it” without a comma may be acceptable as well).

Pohatu's Toa Stone was guarded by a Nui-Jaga, which he managed to defeat.

Perhaps you should specifically say “Takua”.

He rescued Turaga Nokama and the Ga-Matoran when they were trapped inside a sunken hut, due to a Tarakava attack.

The comma is unnecessary, and I think “as a result of” might sound better and be more appropriate than “due to”.

He helped Onu-Matoran miners regain access to a Lightstone mine that had been cut-off by a lava flow.

Should be two separate words, with no hyphen.

Finding himself on the same beach where his journey had started, Takua was informed by Turaga Vakama that, due to his brave and selfless acts, he was finally welcomed back in Ta-Koro.

Should be “welcome”.

By reading over the events of the quest for the Energy Stones, he was finally reminded of all the great adventures he had * on a far away world with seven young dinosaurs, who he considered the best friends he ever had.

I think this should be “whom he had”.
*Insert “had”.

Again, great job! If you do write another story, I’ll have you know that I’ll be happy to review that one, too.

[The Chronicler]

After two and a half years, I am now officially finished with this story! I have just spent the entire afternoon editing every single post in this topic to feature the finalized version of each chapter. If you have already read this story, but not the finalized version you see on fanfiction.net, then I highly recommend that you read through it again. Events in some of the chapters have been significantly changed.

As for the sequel that I'm planning, read the preview I wrote in the "author's notes" chater at the end of my story on fanfiction.net:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5630224/55/Que...e_Energy_Stones
Why am I waiting until fall to get started on it? It's because I'll be going to college, and I'm not sure how much of my free time that'll take up. I would much rather wait to start than to start immediately and then unintentionally leave you on a cliffhanger for four months.

Of course, the finalized version could have never been done without Pangaea's help. To show you my thanks, I would like to reply to all the questions you had for me in those reviews you had PMed to me. The best way to do that, in my opinion, would be for you to post them here in this topic, because I think it would be a good idea to let the other see what you had to say. (Besides, the main reason I asked for those reviews to be PMed to me was because my story was still in progress and didn't want all those reviews to create such a huge interruption in the story. Now that it's done, you can post as much as you want to.) Don't worry, go at your own pace. You don't have to do it marathon style like I did with my final improvement on this story.

[Pangaea]

Congrats once more! I’m very glad to have been of service. I’m afraid I haven’t read through the entire story again to observe the changes, but from what I have seen of the sections I have skimmed, they appear to be huge improvements.

Many of the questions I posed in my reviews have either been already answered or rendered no longer applicable, as they regarded plot holes that your editing has resolved. (Having examined the changes to chapters 31, 33, 35, and 40, I can say you did an expert job filling these gaps. ) In fact, before I realized that you wanted me to post the complete reviews I had sent you (not just the questions), I read through the updated chapters so that I could weed out those questions. My plan was to post (and, for the more recent chapters, repost) the questions that had remained unanswered, to spare you the trouble of having to read through them all and tell me which ones were now addressed in the story.

I’d be happy to post the reviews in full, so that the feedback I left on the chapters is shared, but I could also easily edit them so that they do not include the proofreading comments and/or already-answered story questions. Or I could simply highlight the questions that you have not yet answered. Would you prefer any particular one of those options?

[Caustizer]

Congradulations on finally finishing the story!

I think I'll have to make the time to read this at some point in the future.

[The Chronicler]

Thanks, Caustizer. I think I'll take this opportunity to let you know that I've been reading you're fanfics for a while. I just never left any comments because I couldn't think of what to say. :unsure:  (That's why I rarely leave comments for anything. )

Pangaea, what I was thinking was that you not include the proofreading comments, but leave in everything else. (After all, what's the point of pointing out an error that isn't there anymore? ) Comments like "this scene was interesting", or "what that guy said was funny" should definitely be included. I think it would also be a good idea to include any questions that you still have.

[Pangaea]

Pangaea, what I was thinking was that you not include the proofreading comments, but leave in everything else.

Sounds good to me. What do you want me to do, though, about questions and comments on plot holes and other story mistakes that you have since fixed? (Should I include them but mark them as resolved, or just leave them out?)

Fortunately, the prologue and the first eight chapters don’t really any of these, so I can post my reviews for them right here and now:


Prologue:
From the start, you’re doing a very impressive job of portraying and describing the Bionicle world such that even readers who are unfamiliar with it (such as myself) can understand how it works.


Chapter 1:
While this probably wouldn’t matter much to readers on the GOF, your introduction to the LBT world is far less comprehensive than that of the Bionicle World. Perhaps you should consider adding more to the introduction of the LBT characters (describing their home, what kinds of dinosaurs they are, etc.), so that Bionicle fans who don’t know much about LBT can enjoy the story as much as LBT fans who don’t know much about Bionicle. On the other hand, seeing as the story is set chiefly in the LBT world, I suppose readers are somewhat required to have a degree of familiarity with LBT, so maybe there’s not much point to it.


Chapter 2:
I was impressed by the vivid, detailed descriptions of objects and scenes in this chapter. The Stone Circle meeting scene felt sort of...anemic, given the lack of dialogue, but other than that the chapter was very good.


Chapter 3:
Again, a very strong point of this story that manifests itself in this chapter is how reader-friendly it is to people who are unfamiliar with Bionicle. Your description (from Littlefoot’s perspective) of Takua is excellent, and Takua’s explanation of the different types of Matoran is also very helpful.

You should also be proud of yourself; I didn’t find a single grammar-or-tense-related error in this entire chapter (hence the brevity of this review ).


Chapter 4:
Cera seemed rather conspicuously absent from the first part of this chapter. (Considering her habit of speaking her mind on almost every occasion a decision is made among the gang, I would have expected her to have said something when Littlefoot invited the others to meet Takua.)

I found the scene where Takua falls out of the tree (again!) to be very funny. That was also an ingenious (and amusing) way to introduce and explain the concept of Matoran masks (again helping those readers with limited knowledge of the Bionicle world).

I also thought that the way you had the LBT characters introduce themselves in turn to Takua (and Takua’s responses to each) was very good. (I especially loved the part where Takua thought twice about commenting on the number of Cera’s horns after she gave her introduction. )


Chapter 5:
Another very well-written chapter. Both Takua and the gang’s meeting scenes were very good.


Chapter 6:
I think what I liked most about this chapter was your description of Littlefoot’s sleep story, which, despite its length and complexity, was easy to understand and visualize.


Chapter 7:
Another error-less chapter, and again, one that explained numerous aspects of the Bionicle Universe very clearly and comprehensively. I particularly liked the part where Grandpa Longneck suggested that the Matoran let their children play with Littlefoot and his friends, which confused some of the Turaga because Matoran don’t have children. It was a brilliantly executed illustration of the fact that there are major differences between the Matoran and the dinosaurs; differences that either group might not be immediately aware of, and it made the meeting between the two groups feel that much more realistic.


Chapter 8:
Once again, I could find nothing to edit! I really liked this chapter, as it was fun to watch (if you’ll pardon the choice of word ) the gang acquaint themselves with artifacts from the Bionicle universe, and learn their purposes. (In any well-executed crossover fanfic, that’s always something I enjoy.) The hide-and-seek scene was also quite funny.

My one complaint at this point is that so far, Spike has had hardly any presence at all in the story since the scene in which the gang met Takua. I suppose he’s a challenge to write for, considering that he doesn’t speak, but you mention him so rarely that it’s easy to forget that he’s even there. If you could just toss in a slight mention of him every now and then (nodding in agreement to a decision; uttering a questioning grunt when confused by something; or simply nudging another character or object), I think that would be an improvement.


P.S. Having trimmed away the proofreading comments that comprised the bulk of most of the reviews, it’s only now that I realize how little I had to say about some of the chapters. :blink:

[The Chronicler]

I think it would be a good idea to include those questions that have since been answered. I think it'll help people who haven't read the finalized version have a better understanding of what exactly has been added.

Chapter 1: Yeah, I guess when I wrote that chapter I thought there wasn't much point to describing the LBT universe. Most likely because this whole story takes place in that universe, so any descriptions would probably come up on their own where necessary. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but that's the best way I can explain this. :unsure:

Chapter 2: I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that, but I guess I just couldn't come up with any dialogue for that scene that would make sense.

Chapter 4: You know, I never really thought about having Cera act that way in the first part of the chapter. It just never occurred to me. :unsure:

Chapter 8: Yes, I think we all agree that Spike's muteness is a major reason why it's often hard to specifically include him in a story. Based on my experience, it seems the only way to include everyone in the details, including Spike, is to have the gang separate, like I did for the search for the Energy Stones of Ice and Earth.

Yeah, I'm a little surprised by the shortened reviews, too. But hey, at least you had something to say for at least most of the chapters, and I'm perfectly fine with that.

[Pangaea]

Chapter 2: I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that, but I guess I just couldn't come up with any dialogue for that scene that would make sense.

Oh dear. Another instance of me confusing people through my strange use of language. Sorry.

Basically what I meant was that because the events of the meeting scene at the Stone Circle scene contained no dialogue, it felt weak and insubstantial. Whereas the Matoran (at least Takua and the other Ta-Matoran) have a scene where they discover that their surroundings have changed, and discuss what they should do about it, we don't get to see how the dinosaurs react to the sudden changes in their valley. Here is the section of text I am referring to:

The gang soon arrived at the Stone Circle. The grown-ups were already there and discussing what had just happened. There was something different nearby. A strange-looking rock had appeared near the Stone Circle. It looked like a rocky hill with shallow slopes and a level top. There were also four columns of rock, one at each corner of the level top, and stone steps on each of the four slopes.

The grown-ups told the kids not to go near it, since they had no idea what it was. Someone who had seen the large beams of light, like everyone else, had also noticed how this strange rock came to be there. He saw one of those light beams hit the ground nearby. When it had faded, that rock was just there, as if it had magically appeared.

What I would have personally done is start the same way you did, with the gang arriving at the Stone Circle and seeing the adults already there, but as they approach, they overhear specifically what the grownups are saying about the beams of light and the Stone Circle's mysterious new centerpiece. Then I would have the gang see the Kini-Nui Temple (whichóI forgot to mentionóyou described very well), and show their reactions to it. Perhaps one or more of them would approach it, and then be warned by their parents. Then they just stand by and listen to the individual who had witnessed the Kini-Nui's arrival.

EDIT: I couldn't come up with the right word at one point while I was writing this post, so I left a blank space (______) to remind me to get back to it later. It didn't work, and I posted the whole thing without filling the space. Fixed now.

[Pangaea]

Sorry; forgot you were waiting for me to post. Here is the next batch of reviews I wrote:


Chapter 9:

I’ve already said this several times, so you’re probably getting sick of hearing it, but you did an excellent job in this chapter of describing the Matoran world such that even someone who was unfamiliar with Bionicle would have a good idea of how it worked.


Chapter 10:

This is a relatively minor point, but I like how you observed at the beginning of the chapter the peculiarity of the fact that, being creatures that are created and (presumably, since I know virtually nothing about Bionicle) do not reproduce, Matoran have genders at all. I think if you hadn’t said that, a lot of readers would be confused by the fact that Ga-Matoran are female, and wonder why that was. The statement “Only the Great Spirit himself would know why there were male and female Matoran” was a brilliant inclusion.

I liked the addition of the part where Ruby helps Hahli with the net. As helpful as it is for those readers unfamiliar with the Bionicle world to learn about it through the gang’s eyes, their visits to each of the villages would quickly start to feel repetitive and monotonous if they didn’t interact with the inhabitants while they were there.

Just one question, though: if the Matoran don’t eat, then why do the Ga-Matoran bother catching fish?


Chapter 11:

There are several details in this chapter that I would like to compliment you on.

For starters, I really liked Ducky’s reaction when Takua told the gang about the Po-Matoran’s dislike of water:

"Why do they hate water so much?" asked Ducky, who could hardly believe such a fact.

It was another great way to illustrate how alien certain aspects of the Matoran’s lifestyle appear to the dinosaurs, especially from the point of view of one who can’t imagine life without water.

Speaking of which, I also commend you for remembering that concepts like bartering and stone-carving are unfamiliar to the LBT dinosaurs, and factoring that into the gang’s introduction to the Po-Matoran. If they had reacted otherwise (as if the concepts weren’t strange to them), I don’t know if even I would have noticed. :

I also enjoyed the scene in which the gang meet Hafu. Even before Cera commented on Hafu’s obvious pride for his work (an amusing statement on its own), I was thinking the same thing about him.

Finally, I’m glad that you were able to keep the story fresh by having the gang first explore the village and learn about everyday Matoran culture, and only meet the Turaga at the end of their visit.


Chapter 12:

I only just realized as I was reading this chapter how quiet Petrie’s been in previous chapters. I’m glad to see him finally get some speaking time in this one.

One slight problem I have with this chapter is the scene where Takua introduces the gang to Taipu. He greets the gang very politely, and yet Cera is irritated by him. I think it would make more sense if she was initially ambivalent towards him, and only started to dislike him after she was forced to admit that he was stronger than her.


Chapter 13:

I don’t have much to say on this chapter, though I enjoyed it a lot. It’s good to see Petrie get more lines, and his statement that he likes tree-speak and wants to learn it (not to mention Cera’s reaction) was hilarious.


Chapter 14:

This was another chapter I liked, due to the uniqueness of the Matoran introduced. I liked how you mentioned that Takua already knew everything about the Matoran that the gang learned, but let them hear it from them instead of explaining it himself. (It makes it more interesting for the readers, too.)

[The Chronicler]

Chapter 10: You're correct, Matoran do not reproduce. It has never been revealed how they are actually created, so I obviously had to leave that part vague in my story. Another thing I left vague was how Matoran absorb their energy, since they don't eat like we do. I left it vague because I didn't know the answer myself at the time I wrote that, but I managed to find the answer a few months ago. If I remember correctly, they hold their source of energy (usually food like berries or fish) and with the right concentration simply absorb the energy. Although they could absorb the energy through their mouth, they don't do it because they consider it "savage" and "uncivilized" if you know what I mean.

Chapter 12: I tried to take your advice there, but I just couldn't figure out a way to do it accurately. I guess it seemed better to me the way it was.

[Pangaea]

If I remember correctly, they hold their source of energy (usually food like berries or fish) and with the right concentration simply absorb the energy.

Do you know what happens to the food itself? Does it just sort of disappear? And if so, does the whole thing vanish, or just the edible parts? (I'm envisioning a Matoran holding a fish or apple, absorbing the energy, and leaving a skeleton or core in its hand. )

Although they could absorb the energy through their mouth, they don't do it because they consider it "savage" and "uncivilized" if you know what I mean.

Interesting. So how do they view the dinosaurs, who can only acquire energy by ingesting food through their mouths? Do they consider them "savage", "uncivilized", or "primitive" because of it?

[The Chronicler]

For that first question, I'm not exactly sure. I read it a while ago and I can't seem to remember some details. Also, I seriously doubt I would be able to find that information again because I also can't remember where I read it.

For the second question, I never really thought of that, but I just came up with an answer that I think would make sense. While consuming energy through the mouth is optional for Matoran, it isn't for dinosaurs. The Matoran probably understand that dinosaurs have to consume their energy only though the mouth, so they accept it. It's for beings for which it is optional, like Matoran, that doing such a thing would be considered savage and primitive.

[Pangaea]

Sorry; didn't mean to take so much time to get back to this thread. Here are the next seven reviews:


Chapter 15:

I like it how you described each of the LBT character’s opinions on the Matoran. I also enjoyed the conversation between Ruby and Hahli.


Chapter 16:

The scene where Takua gets thrown by the (unseen) Tarakavaóand the way he subsequently suggests to the gang that they all fleeómade me chuckle.


Chapter 17:

I’m afraid I don’t have much to say about this chapter, besides my by-now repetitive compliment of how you well you are integrating Bionicle concepts into the LBT universe.


Chapter 18:

I liked Littlefoot’s response to Takua’s question of how many times the gang has visited the Mysterious Beyond. I also like how you ended the chapter on a cliffhanger.


Chapter 19:

Retrospectively, the effect of the fast biter’s bite on Takua isn’t too surprising, but the way you built up the atmosphere to make the reader expect the worst made the scene hilarious.


Chapter 20:

This was one of my favorite chapters so far. Your descriptions of the action sequences made them easily to visualize, and as such they were extremely enjoyable. I also loved the humor in this chapter. One scene in particular stood out:

Takua started bravely walking towards the Fast-Biters and said, "Stand aside, I'll deal with them."

Suddenly, Redclaw appeared from behind the cliff and stood behind Screech and Thud. Redclaw then let out a mighty roar, terrifying everyone.

Takua stopped in his tracks and said in a nervous tone, "Okay, Fast-Biters are one thing, but that big guy... yeah, now I'm terrified." Takua then turned around and ran away, screaming. Everyone else did likewise. Redclaw and the Fast-Biters quickly gave chase.

That gave me the biggest laugh I think I’ve had so far while reading this fanfic.


Chapter 21:

I have many things to compliment you on about this chapter. For starters, although I had read your fanfiction previously, I had not known (or maybe I just hadn’t remembered :unsure:) that the Energy Stones were a concept you devised yourself. I must say I was very impressed. The elemental nature of the stones seems to me to be very appropriate for Bionicle, and you could’ve fooled me into thinking that you had drawn the concept from the canon series (though, given that I don’t know that much about the Bionicle canon, perhaps that’s not saying much). Anyway, I’d like to congratulate you on not only merging two fandoms with considerably more success than I’ve seen in crossovers elsewhere, but also providing an original and creative plot that works well with both universes.

I also thought that Takua’s conversation with the guard was funny, and the explanation of the tablet and the energy stones was very well articulated.