Quest for the Mask of Life

[Caustizer]

I think your plot weaving is becoming better with each chapter you present, as now we are starting to see the Gang do things on their own. This makes things more interesting then when the Toa or the others are the ones driving the story and the gang feels like they are just being dragged along for the ride.  Incorperating Littlefoot's mother actually kind of made sense when you think about the object they are pursuing and the defenses it must have around it.

It's a shame this story is not going for the Fan Fiction nominations this year, since I would have given it a good review there as well.   Doing the original story instead will mean I'm going to have to go back and read it all again to remember what happened, which with all thats going on in real life I doubt I'll have enough time to do.

[Pangaea]

My sincerest apologies for one of the most ridiculously long delays I’ve ever forced you to endure, and for failing to keep you informed as to the reason for it.

First, a few words on the updates to Chapter 16: I think all of the changes you made definitely improved the chapter, the best addition surely being Zaktan’s insight into the nature of Piraka alliances. Not only did it provide a much better rationalization for the Piraka’s wanting to help the Toa fight Hakann and Thok, but I thought that it made them much more interesting as it revealed the background for some of their villainous tendencies. However, I still think you should have gone into just a little more detail with Zaktan’s level of awareness inside the cocoon (something like: “Zaktan had been fully conscious inside the cocoon and had been able to hear the entire conversation”) and his release from it (“the earthen cocoon shattered, and the condensed ball of particles that made up Zaktan’s body expanded and shifted back into his usual form”). I’m pretty sure Caustizer brought this up alreadyóand I may be biased because I’m a highly visual person and am obsessed with descriptivenessóbut I find that it makes a story much more engaging to read if you help the reader visualize exactly what’s going on in a given scene. (Sorry; have I brought this up before? I’m getting dÈj‡ vu here.)

Now, Chapter 17…

I thought you did a pretty good job building some suspense in the opening scene of the chapter; showing the gang waiting for the outcome of the Piraka/Toa battle without even being able to witness it. One thing I wasn’t clear on, however, was why Cera was so bothered by Zaktan being the Piraka who convinced the gang to stay behind.

Another possible result of the explosion they had seen earlier was a giant hole in a nearby cliff and led downward in a seemingly endless tunnel.

This is a rather awkward-sounding sentence that could use some revision. Namely, the sentence speculates on the cause of the damaged landscape being viewed by the characters before said devastation is actually described. This makes the sentence sound like it is being narrated by an external observer (like a news report following a natural disaster), rather than from the point of view of a group of individuals who are witnessing it firsthand and in realtime. Basically what I’m getting at is that you should have logical flow: the visual details should be described first, as the characters first lay eyes on them, before going into speculation regarding their origins, as the characters realize what probably caused them. (In other words, first describe the hole in the cliff, and then state that it must have been caused by the explosion from before.) This is a good rule of thumb to follow whenever you are describing something from a character’s point of view. Also, if the explosion you’re talking about is the one that the gang, the Toa, and the Piraka witnessed in the last chapter, then perhaps you should specify that (“earlier” could be misinterpreted as referring to the explosion they had heard in the distance at the beginning of the chapter). Finally, “and” should definitely be “which” or “that”.

Something that’s been bugging me a little bit is that this is at least the third or fourth time in this story (as far as I can recall) in which a group of Bionicle characters have forced the gang stay behind while they headed off to do battle, free allies, or what have you, and neither the readers nor the gang get to witness any of it, or learn much about exactly what transpired. As a reader, I would feel more fulfilled if, for instance, one or more of the Toa were to mention what happened during the battle: how the Piraka defeated them; what their “final attack” was; how they managed to defeat all of the Toa so easily without any apparent defeats on their side, etc. Nuparu’s offhand mention that one of Thok’s attacks caused him and Kongu to crash-land is a step in the right direction.

“I'm glad you and your friends stayed away from all of this, Littlefoot. No Matoran could have survived this, not even one with the luck of Takua.”

I think it would make more sense if Hahli said “no dinosaur”. I think you could get rid of the part about “the luck of Takua” if you don’t think the implied phrase “a dinosaur with the luck of Takua” sounds right.

Of the six Toa Inika, Jaller was currently in the best shape, not doubt thanks to his mask power allowing him to avoid the most damaging part of the final attack.

Should be “no”.

“What about Axonn or the Toa Nuva?” asked Chomper.

I feel like this should be “and”.

“Can we please stop talking about destiny and get the Mask of Life before the Piraka do?” asked Cera impatiently.

Oh, how I loved this line. How many times have we wished that a character would say this sort of thing during a similar scene in a movie?

Cera ignored Petrie and said to Littlefoot, “You can count me in.”

“Me too,” said Chomper, stepping forward.

“So are we,” added Ducky, who was currently riding atop Spike.

Ducky’s line doesn’t really fit with what the others say. Maybe “And us” or “Us too”, instead.

“Me have ever-bad feeling about this,” said Petrie uneasily.

“Petrie, you always have an ëever-bad’ feeling every time we go underground,” grumbled Cera.

Another line I really liked. I think this is another callback to Quest for the Energy Stones, too; specifically, Petrie’s discomfort with traveling through subterranean places like Onu-Koro.

The scene with Littlefoot’s mother came as a real surprise to me, and I have to say, it’s one of my favorite scenes in the story so far, and without a doubt the most poignant. The part where Ceraóin the gentlest and most considerate way possibleóreassures Littlefoot that what they saw was not his mother’s real ghost, was just incredibly touching to me.

“If you really are my mother... you would know what it means to save others. Just a few minutes before you... died, you not only save my life, but Cera's as well. I quickly learned that I should always give help to anyone who needs it, even if they are not a Longneck like me. And right now, those Toa need all the help they can get. If you really are my mother... if you really do know how important it is to help others... would you really refuse to help someone who is trying to save everything they know of?”

“Save” should be “saved”. Also, the two lines I have highlighted in blue are a little too similar, I think. Finally, there’s something bugging me about the use of the word “would”. I don’t think I can call it a mistake, but just to give you some food for thought, would it sound better if it were “should” instead?

Finally, you’re free to post that next chapter you were so excited about. Sorry again for making you wait so long.

P.S. Caustizer, just in case you didn't know, it is true that the deadline for submitting stories for the Fanfiction Awards is a week from today, but the deadline for voting isn't until the end of the month. That still gives you almost three weeks to read Chronicler's first fanfic. Is that time enough? (Or is your life this month even crazier than mine? :blink:)

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Thanks for the suggestions for chapter 17. Regardless how long it may take you, I always appreciate your helpfulness. I'm glad you thought the scene with Littlefoot's mother was very moving, because that's what I was aiming for. Prepare to see more scenes like that in the next chapter. Also, I think there's a misconception I should clear up. The chapter I'm excited about is the next one I'll be writing (chapter 19), not the one that has already been finished and was ready to post (chapter 18). The reason I'm excited about that chapter I'll be writing now is that the readers will get to meet one of my favorite Bionicle characters.

Caustizer: Yes, this is the point in the story where the gang decides to see the action for themselves rather than stay away like they are told to. This was how I had intended from the beginning for this story to go this way. If you think this makes the story better, wait until you see what happens much latter on.

Prepare for even more moving scenes in this next chapter.

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Chapter 18
Strange Obstacles

The gang continued to walk down the stairway in silence. After their encounter with the first obstacle in the form of Littlefoot's deceased mother, their spirits weren't exactly at their highest. Despite their worries about what would happen next, they were still determined to follow the Toa Inika.

The gang went around a bend in the staircase and gasped in fear at what they saw. Standing in their way was a pack of Fast-Biters: six of them in total. The Fast-Biters never made any noise or moved very far, but they certainly had their eyes on the seven young dinosaurs.

The first reaction of the gang was to scream and run away, but that lasted for only two seconds when Cera stopped as she realized something. “Guys, wait!” she shouted.

The others stopped and turned to face her in surprise. “Why you no quick-flee?” asked Petrie.

“Don't you get it?” said Cera. “Those guys are nothing more than the next guardian of this tunnel. They're trying to scare us out of here so that we don't get to the Mask of Life. If we want to catch up to the Toa, we will have to get past those Fast-Biters.”

“But how?” asked Chomper.

The gang never got a chance to figure out such a plan. The Fast-Biters immediately began to charge up the stairs. The young dinosaurs definitely wanted to get away from the Fast-Biters, but were also hesitant about going back up the stairs. Even though the stairway was a few bios wide, there still wasn't much room for them to move around in.

“Look out!” shouted Littlefoot as he and his friends jumped out of the way of the first Fast-Biter.

The Fast-Biter stopped and turned around after he passed right by the kids. Then he charged back down the stairs to try catching them again.

Littlefoot saw an opportunity and decided to take action. The Fast-Biter was focused on Ruby, so he failed to see Littlefoot jump in his way at the last second. The Fast-Biter tripped, flew harmlessly over Ruby, and then fell down the stairs. That Fast-Biter collided into two of the other Fast-Biters on the way down, but the other three managed to avoid him and kept on going.

One of the remaining Fast-Biters also ran right by the kids as they jumped out of the way. When this one headed back down, he focused on Ducky and Spike. At the same time, another Fast-Biter was coming up the stairs towards them.

Ducky looked from one Fast-Biter to the other and screamed, “Spike! Do something!”

Spike looked back and forth between the two Fast-Biters, whose jaws were now wide open. Finally, he decided to take advantage of what little space he had available and jumped to the other side of the step he was on.

Instead of biting down on the Spiketail, the two Fast-Biters bit down on each other's necks. They had applied the pressure from their jaws simultaneously and, as a result, they both dropped dead.

The last Fast-Biter seemed oblivious to his fallen companions as he continued to charge up the stairs.

“Don't worry, guys, I got this one,” boasted Cera. She then charged down the stairs directly towards the oncoming Fast-Biter. Just as she had hoped, Cera moved too fast for the Fast-Biter to react. As the Fast-Biter began to bring his head down, she slammed into his legs, sending him soaring into the air. When he came back down on his head, a loud crack was heard. The Fast-Biter never moved again.

Cera, along with her friends, looked around in shock at what had just happened. Sprawled out along the steps nearby were the dead bodies of three Fast-Biters. Further down the stairs, they could see the other three Fast-Biters, who were also as still as death.

It was Littlefoot who finally broke the silence. “This has never happened before,” he said in shock. “Of all the times we've ever been chased by Sharpteeth, we've never... killed any of them. Either we got away or they got hurt and gave up. I don't understand howó” He stopped short when he saw what was happening to the last Fast-Biter that was killed.

The Fast-Biter gradually faded away, revealing that it was a disguise of whose body it really was. It only took a second for the true identity to be revealed. The gang gasped in shock at what they saw.

“Matoro?” said Ruby quietly. The gang looked back and saw the other two nearby Fast-Biters were now Hewkii and Nuparu. They then looked down the stairs and saw the rest of the Toa Inika, all of whom were now dead.

“That even more bad-worse than Fast-Biters,” said Petrie in shock, summing up what everyone was now feeling. It was bad enough thinking that they had killed just a few random Fast-Biters, but it was even worse to see that they had been tricked into killing their own friends. They were too saddened to question how it had happened. It wasn't long until they were all sobbing at this tragic loss by their own hands.

As Chomper sobbed, he was unintentionally sniffing the air. After as few sniffs, his eyes snapped open in surprise. He realized something wasn't right. He walked up to Matoro's body and sniffed it heavily.

When Littlefoot noticed Chomper, he was perplexed by what he saw. “What is it, Chomper?” he asked. This brought everyone's attention to the little Sharptooth.

Chomper took a bit whiff of the body. Then he said in surprise, “Nothing.”

“What do you mean, ëNothing!?’” asked Cera, misinterpreting what Chomper had said. “We just killed the Toa, and you think it's nothing!?”

“No, I mean I smell nothing,” corrected Chomper.

Spike grunted as if to say “Huh?” Everyone was no longer saddened, but now confused.

“If this is a real body,” continued Chomper, “then my sniffer should be telling me what it is. This is not a Toa, not a Fast-Biter, not even a Piraka! I smell nothing but normal air!”

“But if the Toa are not here, then where are the Toa?” asked Ruby.

Chomper walked around on the steps as he sniffed the air some more. He finally said, “I think they just kept going down the stairs. Follow me.”

The gang followed Chomper as he led them down the stairway, past the “bodies” of Jaller, Hahli, and Kongu. After going down a few more steps, Chomper sniffed the air again.

“They did keep going!” exclaimed Chomper. Everyone was relieved that the Toa Inika had continued going down the stairs and thus were still alive, but were still confused by something.

“If the Toa kept going down these steps, then whoó?” asked Ruby, but stopped short when she and her friends turned back to see what was up the stairs. All six bodies had now vanished without a trace.

“They are gone!” gasped Ducky.

The gang stood in silence, trying to process just what was going on. Once again, it was Littlefoot who broke the silence. “I think Chomper is right,” he said. “The Toa did keep going. As for what we fought and... killed, they really were nothing. We only thought they were real ó I think they're called illusions or something like that.”

“All of that fear, all of that sadness, all of that confusion, just to find out that it was all nothing,” said Ruby quietly.

“This place is playing tricks on us again!” exclaimed Cera. She then turned to the darkness further down the stairway and shouted, “Nice try, but you're not fooling us again!”

“Come on, let's keep going,” said Littlefoot as he continued to lead his friends down the stairway. “And next time we run into something, let's try to be more careful. Those Fast-Biters may not have been real, but we must not walk away from this without learning why we shouldn't get carried away in a fight.”

Littlefoot's words echoed in the minds of his friends. For most of their lives, they only knew how to run away from danger, not fight it. Although no one got hurt in that fight, it served as a powerful reminder to the young dinosaurs of what could happen whenever they would have to fight an enemy.
________

After walking further down the stairway, the gang entered a small chamber that was barely lit by dark red lightstones. Understandably, this place gave everyone the creeps as they stepped inside.

“This place spooky,” said Petrie nervously.

“Welcome, travelers,” a voice boomed from every side of the chamber, causing the young dinosaurs to stop in their tracks. Petrie panicked and quickly hid behind Cera's neckshield. “You seek the Chamber of Life... but first you must pass through the Chamber of Death, for truly both are intertwined.”

“Who are you?” asked Littlefoot.

The voice continued as if nobody had spoken up. “For millennia beyond count, the Mask of Life has been hidden in this place, waiting for destiny's call. It is a Kanohi both wonderful and terrible in its might. And the price to wield its power of life... is death.”

“The way that voice is talking to us gives me a bad feeling about what we have to do next,” said Ruby in worry.

“Seven of you stand ready,” continued the voice. “If you wish to pass through this chamber, one of you must die. Decide ó now.”

The gang gasped at hearing this. They had never seriously thought about the idea of dying. After all, they were still very young. None of them were ready to die just yet.

“There has to be another way!” exclaimed Littlefoot.

“Seven of you stand ready,” repeated the voice. “If you wish to pass through this chamber, one of you must die. Decide ó now.”

“No way,” declared Cera. “We've already run into two things that turned out to be fake. This has got to be another one of them! Let's just keep going.” She then proceeded to leave the chamber through the exit on the other side. However, once she got to the exit, she suddenly felt like she had run into a wall. Confused, she tried again to walk through the exit, but was blocked again. Undeterred, she ran back a bit and then charged towards the exit. Once again, she slammed into the invisible barrier and failed to make it through.

“I don't think that voice wants us to go that way until we do what that voice wants us to do,” said Ruby in concern.

“Let's try going back,” suggested Littlefoot. “I'm sure we can find another way.”

The gang turned back to the entrance of the chamber just in time to see a massive stone slab come down and block the entrance, cutting off the only other exit.

“Oh come on!” snapped Cera. This time, she chose not to try her luck breaking through that barrier.

The voice spoke again. “Two choices have you ó renounce your pursuit of the Mask of Life, and you may leave as you came, never to return. Or choose one of your number to die, so that the rest may pass. There are no other pathways open to your tread.”

The young dinosaurs looked at one another, lost on which option to take. Was simply following the Toa Inika really worth letting one of their closest friends die?

Then again, if the Toa did come this way, then they had to make this choice, too, thought Littlefoot. We didn't see them come back, which means they did pass through here... and let one of their own die. If they were willing to make such a sacrifice, can we do no less?

For a second, Littlefoot considered choosing himself to be the one to die, but hesitated to make the commitment. He understood why it had to be done, but wasn't sure if he was the right choice. After all, he was considered the leader of his group. He was the one who always kept his friends together, no matter what. What would happen to them if he was suddenly gone forever? His thoughts were cut off when someone else spoke up.

“I'll do it,” said Chomper as he stepped forward. “If one of us has to die... it should be me.”

Ruby gasped, fully aware of her responsibility to take care of Chomper. “Chomper! No!” exclaimed Ruby. “I won't let you do this!”

Cera looked up at the chamber ceiling and said to the mysterious voice, “Whoever you are, we did not agree to this!”

“Yeah, Chomper is one of our best friends!” agreed Littlefoot, also talking to the voice.

“Guys!” shouted Chomper, bringing everyone's attention back to him. He then held his arms out as if to show his friends who he was. “Look at me! I'm a Sharptooth! We may be friends now, but it won't last forever. We're all going to grow up some day, and when that happens to me... I will have to eat other dinosaurs, just to stay alive every day! I would much rather say goodbye to you forever by doing this than to grow up.”

“Chomper, you don't have toó” began Ruby, but was cut off by the booming voice.

“The choice has been made,” said the voice. “The price will be paid.”

Before anyone could react, a beam of light shone down on Chomper. It took less than a second for his body to vaporize, leaving nothing but the empty beam of light.

The rest of the gang stood in silence. It took them a while to realize what had just happened. Chomper, one of their closest friends since the day he hatched, had simply ceased to exist. Once it finally hit them that Chomper was gone, all of them were so saddened by the loss of their close friend that tears quickly formed in their eyes. Ruby was so overcome with emotion that she fell to her knees and held her face in her hands as she sobbed.

I can't believe he just did that, thought Littlefoot in shock. He let himself die for us... just because of what he was. I never thought he would ever do something like this. But then... could any of us have done what Chomper just did?

Soon after Chomper had disappeared, something amazing began to happen within the beam of light. At first, it seemed like nothing more than some dust beginning to swirl around. As the dust began to spin faster and faster, a definite shape was starting to form. The young dinosaurs stopped grieving and began to watch in awe at what was happening. As more and more of the dust gathered with the beam of light, the shape turned out to be Chomper's body. Eventually, all of the flying dust had gathered to fully recreate Chomper, without any damage to his body.

Chomper looked around in confusion as the beam of light faded away.

“It is done,” said the voice. “This one has died and been reborn, and so the price is paid... the debt is settled. For it is not the cold fact of death that matters, but the willingness to die for one's cause. This one had the courage to accept destruction so that his comrades could live, so final death will not be his this day. You are free to pass on.”

Ruby immediately rushed over to hug Chomper as she cried in happiness. “Oh, Chomper! I am so glad that you are alive and not dead!”

Ducky looked back at the entrance to the chamber and pointed out what she saw. “Look!” she happily exclaimed. “The rock is gone! It is, it is!”

Realizing what that meant, Littlefoot headed for the exit on the other side of the chamber. He stopped at the exit, then stepped right through like there was nothing in his way. He then turned back to his friends. Without a word, they continued their trek down the underground stairway.

“See? I told you it was another fake,” gloated Cera.

Littlefoot simply rolled his eyes at this.
________

After many more minutes of walking down the stairway, the gang entered another chamber. Unlike the rest of the stairway, there was obvious evidence that something had happened here very recently. Specifically, every surface of the chamber was coated in smooth, mirror-like ice.

“What happen here?” asked Petrie.

“I think we can blame that guy,” replied Cera, gesturing towards the large, yellow-armored figure who lay motionless on the floor near the exit on the far side of the chamber.

“I think that's another guardian,” said Littlefoot. “The Toa must have just defeated him so they could keep going, which might also explain all of this ice in here.”

“I wish I could have been here to see how Matoro and the others defeated that guardian,” said Ruby to herself, knowing that the presence of so much ice meant that Matoro must have played a major role in that battle.

“Quick, let's sneak by him before he wakes up,” Cera quickly said. Everyone nodded in agreement and headed for the exit, being careful to not get too close to the unconscious guardian.

After walking down just a few more steps, the gang finally left the narrow stairway and arrived at a vast volcanic plain. A wide river of lava flowed through the middle of the plain. The only features that stood out were what appeared to be two piles of rubble, one on each side of the lava river. There also appeared to be some kind of gateway near the rubble pile on the far side of the lava river.

“I think that's where the Mask of Life is,” said Littlefoot. “Within that opening on the other side of the lava.”

“But how do we get there?” asked Ducky, looking at the lava with uncertainty.

“I think there used to be a way across, but it looks like the only way across is now destroyed,” replied Ruby, pointing at the rubble pile on their side of the lava river.

“We'd better check it out,” said Littlefoot as he began to lead his friends to that pile of debris.

Once they got down to the rubble, they noticed that there was dust still in the air, meaning that whatever had once stood here had collapsed only moments ago.

“I wonder what happened here,” said Chomper.

Just seconds later, the gang heard some of the debris starting to shift. They turned to see a head poke out from underneath the rubble and saw that it was Toa Hewkii.

The Toa of Stone turned to his right and was surprised when he saw the gang. “Did you follow us again?” he asked irritably.

One by one, the rest of the Toa Inika emerged from underneath the rubble pile. Like Hewkii, they were all shocked and disappointed to see that the young dinosaurs had followed them into a dangerous place again.

The last to emerge was Toa Kongu. When he saw the gang, he grumbled, “About time you showed up.”

The other Toa quickly turned to Kongu. “You knew they were coming?” asked Hahli.

The Toa of Air sighed and tapped the side of his mask, reminding everyone of his ability to hear thoughts.

“Why didn't you do anything to stop them?” asked Nuparu.

“What was the point?” responded Kongu. “They would never listen to us, and I'm sure none of us are as dead-threatening as a Piraka. Besides, Littlefoot was right. There was no time to fight-argue. We had to quick-race the Piraka to the Mask of Life... and we lost.” Kongu lowered his head as he said that last part.

Hahli sat down on the ground and gripped her head with both of her hands. Due to how close they were to the Mask of Life, her mask power was giving her a very painful headache.

“Is that what happened here?” asked Littlefoot. “Did you fight the Piraka here and lose?”

“Not only that, but we also contributed to our defeat,” replied Nuparu. “The Piraka had set up an ambush on the bridge that used to stand here. I managed to shake them off with an earthquake, but it also weakened the bridge. As a result, when Kongu summoned a cyclone, the structure couldn't handle the strong winds and collapsed on top of us.”

“So I guess that means the Piraka got to the mask first,” said Littlefoot as he and his friends lowered their heads at this defeat.

After a few seconds of silence, Hewkii stood up and said, “You know, I'm getting really tired of losing to those guys... even when it's our own fault.”

“It is our own fault,” said Jaller as he also stood up. “We keep fighting like Matoran, trying to be honorable and merciful the way the Turaga and the Toa Nuva taught us.”

“Against the Piraka, we might as well be wearing signs that say, ëStomp us.’” muttered Kongu.

“Then let's tear the signs off,” said Matoro. “I agree with Hewkii. I'm sick of winding up flat on my mask.”

“The Piraka may have the mask now, but they won't have it for much longer,” said Ruby with confidence.

“Yeah, but there's only one problem we've got,” said Cera, looking across the river of lava. “How are we supposed to get there if the bridge is gone?”

“Simple, I'll make a new one,” replied Hewkii. He focused his elemental power for a second, then he raised his axe, bringing forth a long slab of stone that erupted from the ground. Then he pointed his weapon at the far side of the lava river, making the massive stone slab arch over and slam its free end into the riverbank. The crude but strong bridge had taken only seconds to complete.

Kongu chuckled and said, “Who needs bridges when you've got a stone Toa-hero?”

“What about them?” asked Nuparu, gesturing towards the group of young dinosaurs.

Jaller thought about it for a moment, then said, “We'll let them come with us. If they faced the same challenges we did just to make it this far, I don't see a reason why we should stop them.”

“Don't worry, Jaller,” assured Littlefoot. “We'll try to stay out of the way while you fight the Piraka, and if you need any help, we'll be right behind you.”

“Let's go,” said Jaller, pointing his sword towards the gate. “And when we find them, we fight hard and we fight dirty. The Piraka have a long history of beating Toa. Well, it stops with us!”
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Read and review, as always. An epic battle will take place in the next chapter, and you'll get to meet someone who is a favorite among many Bionicle fans.

For any of you who are wondering, here is what that last guardian looks like:
Umbra

[Caustizer]

I really like what you did for this chapter.  Having an almost entirely gang-focused part kept and held my interest throughout the whole thing.  Good Work.

Having not read this story before in the original version, I was genuinely happy with how the 'challenges' were structured though the manner of death for the three illusionary fast-biters did seem a little bit off (unless the ward was intended to shoo away outsiders and then destroy itself).

Keep up the great chapters, as I am seeing notable improvements with each one that you publish.

Now that Pangaea's back he should be checking in soon as well.

Caustizer.

[Petrie85]

Really great job with this chapter. I also enjoyed where you're going with this. It's really great.

[The Chronicler]

Normally, I would wait until after I've made corrections to the latest chapter before I post the next one. However, I think three weeks is long enough to wait for such an epic chapter as this one. Everyone, it's time for you to meet one of my favorite Bionicle characters: Vezon.

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Chapter 19
The Chamber of Life

“Ready?” asked Nuparu, his laser drill aimed at the locked gate.

“As ever-ready as can be,” replied Kongu, tightening his grip on his laser crossbow.

“Ready for anything,” said Cera, speaking for her friends.

“All right, let's crash the Piraka's party!” exclaimed Hewkii, before swinging his laser axe against the massive gate. That, combined with his elemental power weakening the surrounding rock, was enough to loosen its hinges.

All it took was one shot from Nuparu's weapon to blast the gate open.

Once the gateway was wide open, the Toa Inika charged inside. The young dinosaurs followed right behind them. However, they had gone only a few steps before they all suddenly came to a stop. Beyond the gateway was a large chamber that was almost entirely surrounded by lava channels, but that's not what made the group stop in their tracks.

Everyone had been expecting the Piraka to have set up another ambush. Instead, all six Piraka lay scatted about the chamber, unconscious. There was also something else inside the chamber. Standing at the other side of the chamber was a giant spider-like Rahi with red and black armor, red eyes and massive fangs. Riding atop this monstrous beast was what appeared to be another Piraka. Unlike the six other Piraka, this black and silver armored Piraka had no spine or spikes, and wore a torn black cape. In his right hand, he held a weapon that appeared to be a spear. He was also bound by a chain around his left wrist to the creature's neck.

The mysterious Piraka seemed excited when he noticed the group of Toa that had just entered his lair. “How wonderful, more company!” he exclaimed. “The Piraka were amusing guests, but they break so easily. Are you made of sterner stuff? Of course you are. You're Toa, even with those very strange masks.”

“Who are you?” demanded Jaller. “And how do you know who we are?”

“I am Vezon, of course, and I know the same way I know everything ó the mask tells me,” replied the strange Piraka, turning his head around so that everyone could see the back of it. Fused to the back of Vezon's skull was what appeared to be a Kanohi mask. Some of the Toa and young dinosaurs also caught a glimpse of an empty pedestal at the far end of the chamber. Without a word, all of them had reached the same conclusion: The Kanohi mask that was fused to Vezon was the Mask of Life itself!

“Oh, not directly,” continued Vezon, “but when I bring my attention to it, my eyes begin to act strangely. You see?”

Twin beams of red light suddenly shot from Vezon's eyes to the floor in front of the group. In the gleam of those beams, the group saw the Toa Inika struggling in a fight against the large Rahi while the young dinosaurs watched helplessly from further back.

“Future sight,” continued the seventh Piraka. “I can see things ó most things ó before they happen. Not quite as much fun as making things explode with a glance, but hey, I take what I can get. They call it the Mask of Life, but it might as well be a Mask of Death. Ask anyone who has tried to get their hands on it.” Vezon then turned his attention to the creature he stood atop of. “In a few moments, we'll have even more for the lava, won't we, Fenrakk?”

The giant spider Rahi, Fenrakk, hissed in response, dripping some of its acidic saliva onto the floor. The rock sizzled as it was covered in the acid.

Vezon turned his gaze from the Toa to the gang and smiled. “And what do we have here? An audience!” he happily exclaimed. “Go ahead, kids, have a seat, grab a snack, enjoy the show. You're going to love it, trust me.”

“Something tells me that won't be the case,” muttered Littlefoot in concern.

Toa Hewkii had had enough and was ready to fight. He grabbed a nearby stalagmite and snapped it off of the floor. He then pointed the blunt end ahead of him and threw it at the wall behind him. Thanks to the Toa of Stone's mask power, the projectile deflected off the walls two times before it headed for Vezon's head. Vezon saw the incoming object at the last second and moved just enough so that it hit his shoulder. Surprisingly, he had almost no reaction to the impact.

“Like to throw things, hmmm?” said Vezon quietly. He quickly yanked on the chain and Fenrakk slammed one of its forelegs onto the ground, sending large chunks of stone flying up into the air. Vezon caught one that was about as wide as his torso and threw it at Hewkii. The Toa of Stone easily dodged it.

Toa Matoro made the next attack by hurling icicles at Vezon. Vezon made no effort to dodge. When he was struck, he actually seemed unfazed by the attack.

Nuparu summoned a giant earthen fist and slammed it into Vezon. The Piraka took the full force of the impact almost willingly. When the dust eventually cleared, he was seen to be still standing atop Fenrakk. Amazingly, he didn't seem to be hurt at all.

Jaller made the next move and fired a jet of flame from his sword to the ceiling of the chamber, causing large chunks of rock to rain down upon the Piraka. Vezon effortlessly smacked away any rocks that came near him. Still, his armor showed no signs of damage.

Hahli and Kongu nodded to each other and simultaneously struck Vezon with their elemental powers. Hahli unleashed a torrent of water, while Kongu sent forth a mighty gust of wind. It was hard to see what was happening until the two Toa ceased their attacks. Vezon still stood upright and unharmed. The huge grin on his face was enough to show how amused he was, rather than injured.

After a light chuckle, Vezon asked, “All done? It's my turn.” He yanked on the chain again and Fenrakk charged forward at an incredible speed. The Piraka also showed off incredible strength by striking Toa Jaller with the flat side of his spear with enough force to send the Toa of Fire flying across the chamber.

Nuparu acted quickly with his mask power and caught Jaller before he would have slammed into the rocky wall.

Toa Hewkii tried to strike Fenrakk from behind, but one kick from the giant Rahi was enough to fling him across the chamber and almost into the lava.

The gang could only watch in horror as the Toa Inika struggled in battle. It was hard to tell what was happening, but they did notice that the more the Toa tried to strike Vezon and Fenrakk, the stronger those two seemed to strike back. They certainly wanted to help, but had no idea what to do. How could they succeed where the Toa failed?

All six of the Toa were soon weakened to the point where they were down on the ground, but still conscious. Vezon yanked on the chain again and brought Fenrakk to a halt. “Poor Toa,” said Vezon in mocked pity. “Relying so much on your strength and your weapons and your elemental powers, and not any one of them will do you any good here. Watch.” Vezon grabbed a nearby rock and slammed it against Fenrakk as hard as he could. He then repeated the process two more times. Fenrakk showed almost no signs of being affected by the attack. Vezon smiled and continued, “The power of motion. Any blow is only as strong as the motion that delivers it, and I feed on the energy that fuels that motion. When you strike me, when I strike you, I get stronger. Oh, and I shared my power with Fenrakk here, of course. It's only polite.”

“Of course! Now it makes sense!” exclaimed Littlefoot in realization. “If hitting him only makes him stronger, then we need to find some way to stop him without touching him.”

Littlefoot's friends immediately realized how impossible this idea seemed to be. “But how are we going to do that?” asked Chomper.

When Vezon caught a glimpse of Chomper ó and his sharp teeth ó he got a sinister idea. “Hey, little purple guy!” he shouted, immediately getting Chomper's attention. Vezon then calmly asked, “What do they call your species?”

Chomper hesitated for a moment. Considering that he was suddenly the focus of Vezon's attention, it was easy to understand why. “I'm... I'm a Sharptooth,” he replied nervously.

“A Sharptooth, hmm?” thought Vezon aloud with excitement. “That sounds like a very deadly creature.”

“But I would never hurt anyone!” Chomper quickly added. “I'm a nice Sharptooth, maybe even the nicest one in the world!”

“Oh yeah?” countered Vezon, pointing his spear at Chomper. “Well, I see another Sharptooth in this chamber. And he's a mean one!”

“Where!?” asked Chomper, looking around in panic.

“Right here!” answered Vezon as some strange energy crackled around the head of the spear. A bolt of energy suddenly shot from the tip of the spear towards Chomper.

Chomper was paralyzed in fear, so he could do nothing as he watched the strange energy head right for him. When he was struck, it was unlike anything he had ever experienced. It felt like his body was literally being ripped apart. It was all over in a split second. Chomper fell to his hands and knees. He felt exhausted and in great pain. He took a moment to catch his breath.

“Get up, weakling!” someone suddenly shouted.

Chomper turned to see who had said that, but was thrown to his back by a sharp kick to his side. He groaned in pain as he tried again to see the stranger. As soon as he realized who it was, Chomper gasped in shock.

Standing over Chomper was another Chomper. However, the look on this Chomper's face was nothing short of pure evil.

“Come on, you can get up,” continued the other Chomper, showing no remorse at all as the first Chomper slowly stood up. “After all, you are me, and I am you. That sounds confusing, doesn't it? We can make it easier if there was just one of us. Maybe I should die ó no, no, I've got that wrong. Maybe you should die!” And with that, the other Chomper raised a clawed hand and scratched the first Chomper across his muzzle. The first Chomper shouted in pain.

The rest of the gang gasped at what they just saw. Ruby turned to Vezon and exclaimed, “What did you do!?”

Vezon proudly held up his spear and answered, “It's called the Spear of Fusion. This is not any ordinary spear, oh no. It does more than stab people. I can use it to fuse two beings into one ó which is how I ëconvinced’ Vezok and Reidak to attack the other Piraka ó or I can use it to split one being into two. How can it split someone in two, you ask? Well, what you see is two bodies, but it's still just one mind. What happens is that mind gets split in half and put in separate bodies. One is all kind and caring, while the other...” The other Chomper violently scratched the first Chomper again. “... is a vicious psycho!” After a brief evil laugh, Vezon finished by excitedly saying, “Isn't it fun to see what happens when you split somebody into two beings and have them fight each other?”

Cera was downright disgusted. “You're insane!” she exclaimed.

“Why thank you,” said Vezon as if he had just received a complement.

Cera's jaw dropped at the further craziness she was witnessing. “Okay, he's beyond insane,” she quickly muttered to herself.

While Vezon was distracted, the Toa were able to recover a little from their defeat. Jaller, still in pain, slowly stood up and exclaimed, “We... didn't come all this way... fight all of these fights... only to lose!”

Vezon just grinned and said, “Don't be silly. Of course you did. Do you know how many have tried to get their hands on this mask over the millennia? And do you know what happened to them? I'll give you a hint: the lucky ones only went mad.”

By this time, the rest of the Toa Inika were back on their feet, albeit still weakened. “If the mask is so terribly dangerous, why did the Piraka want it so badly?” asked Hahli.

“Because they're fools!” exclaimed Vezon.

“Yet they thought they could get it,” said Matoro. “Or... someone thought they could.”

“Smart, smart, smart,” said Vezon happily. “Isn't he just as bright as a new Kanohi mask, Fenrakk? It will almost be a shame to shatter him into ice crystals, won't it?”

“So somebody put them up to this?” asked Nuparu. “Who? Why?”

“No way to guess who did it, but I think I know why,” answered Jaller. “You risk death a hundred times trying to make it to the Mask of Life, and evidently you risk worse by actually getting it. The Piraka were expendable. If they died trying to carry out their mission, it would be no great loss, and whoever gave them the idea to do this could just try again with someone else.”

“Not if we get the mask,” said Hewkii as he raised his laser axe, ready to fight again. “So let's swat the spider and take it!”

“Haven't you learned you can't defeat me?” laughed Vezon. “All you can do is amuse me.”

“Then loud-laugh this off, you lunatic,” said Kongu as he summoned a cyclone around Vezon and Fenrakk. Its wind speeds were great enough to suck the air out of their lungs, considerably weakening them. He couldn't keep it up for very long, but it was enough to do the job. The Toa of Air then turned to Hahli and said, “Your turn, Hahli.”

The Toa of Water nodded and called upon her elemental power to remove all of the moisture in the air near the Piraka and his pet.

As if being dehydrated and short of breath wasn't bad enough for Vezon and Fenrakk, Toa Matoro decided to make things even worse for them by quickly dropping the temperature around them. The freezing cold weakened them so much that they could now barely stand.

“Give it up, Vezon,” said Jaller. “You heard what Littlefoot said. We don't have to hit you to hurt you.”

Vezon simply shook his head in response. Fenrakk began to pound its right foreleg on the stone floor, slowly at first. It seemed unimportant, until the pace of the Rahi's pounding began to speed up.

“The impact!” exclaimed Jaller in realization. “Fenrakk is using the energy behind its blows to the floor to restore its strength!”

As soon as those words were spoken, Fenrakk was already back to full strength and charged ahead at the Toa. Hahli and Matoro were caught off guard when they were struck by one of the Rahi's legs and slammed into a nearby wall. Fenrakk went for Kongu next, but Nuparu activated his mask power, grabbed Kongu, and carried him just far enough to evade the attack.

While the battle was happening, the gang was watching another one in horror. In fact, the fight between the two Chompers seemed more like a one-sided pummeling. The evil Chomper was doing all of the kicking and scratching. The nicer Chomper, who was now covered in deep cuts and scratches, made no attempt to fight back at all. It wasn't that he didn't want to fight, but rather he just couldn't! Being attacked like this for seemingly no reason at all would usually be enough to make him want to fight back, but for some reason, the urge just wasn't there. The nicer Chomper didn't ó no, he couldn't ó feel any anger at all, just hurt and confusion at what was happening.

Ruby couldn't take it anymore. “We can't just stand here and do nothing!” she exclaimed. “We have to turn the two Chompers back into one Chomper!”

“How do you expect us to do that?” asked Cera skeptically.

“I'm afraid there's only one way,” answered Littlefoot. “That weapon Vezon has can both split and fuse. If we use it again on those Chompers, it will turn him back into just one Chomper.”

“Are you sure that will work?” asked Cera, just as doubtful of this idea. “How can you be sure we won't end up making more of them?”

“That would be very bad. It would, it would,” added Ducky.

Spike nodded in agreement.

“We don't know how to use that weapon, but Vezon knows how to use that weapon,” replied Ruby.

“Sure, like he's going to suddenly be a nice guy and undo what he did,” said Cera with sarcasm. “Didn't you see how funny he thought it was to split Chomper?”

“Then we'll just have to trick him into fusing the two Chompers back together,” responded Ruby. Her expression brightened as she got an idea. “And I know how we can trick him to fuse the two Chompers back together! I'll need you.” She then grabbed Cera by her neckshield and pulled her along with her.

“Ow! Hey!” protested Cera.

Once she made sure that she was directly between Vezon and the fighting Chompers, Ruby wrapped her arm around Cera's neck and shouted, “Hey, Vezon!”

Fenrakk was about to stomp Hewkii into the ground when Vezon reined the giant spider to a halt. Vezon turned his attention to the pink Fast Runner.

“We've seen you split one of us in two, but we haven't seen you fuse two of us into one.” continued Ruby. “Well, I'm very fast, and my friend here is very strong. If you want to fuse anyone, you'll want to fuse us!”

Cera turned to Ruby in shock at what she just heard. “Have you lost your mind!?” exclaimed Cera.

“Don't worry, I know what I'm doing,” whispered Ruby.

Vezon though it over for a few seconds, then grinned the way only a being with no sanity like him would. “Hmm, now that sounds like a great idea!” exclaimed Vezon excitedly. He quickly pointed the Spear of Fusion at the two and fired another energy bolt.

As soon as the energy bolt was shot, Ruby pushed against Cera and shouted, “Run!”

Cera, realizing it was time to stop asking questions, did as she was told.

The energy bolt passed between the Threehorn and the Fast Runner and instead struck the two fighting Sharpteeth. After another flash of light, only one unscathed Chomper remained. Like last time, he was down on his hands and knees and was breathing heavily. This time, he recovered quickly and slowly stood back up. It soon became clear that his heavy breathing was not due to exhaustion, but intense anger. Chomper glared at Vezon and growled, “Okay... now I'm mad.”

Vezon was speechless for a moment as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. Finally, he simply smiled and said, “Oh, you guys are good.”

Realizing the opportunity presented by Vezon's distraction, Jaller decided to take action. He aimed his flame sword towards Vezon and began to concentrate his elemental energy into it.

Vezon quickly noticed the Toa's glowing weapon. He turned to the Toa Inika of Fire and shouted, “Go ahead! Sizzle me, shock me, you'll only make me stronger!”

Jaller smirked in response and said, “Who said I was aiming at you?” The Toa of Fire unleashed a blast of flame with lightning from his sword, which struck the floor beneath Fenrakk and caused the stone to turn molten. The massive creature was startled by this and backed up a bit. This wouldn't have seemed like such a bad thing if one of the lava channels didn't happen to be right behind Fenrakk. The Rahi lost its balance as its back legs slipped on the ledge.

Vezon looked back at the lava, then back to the Toa. Everyone had expected him to be terrified of this. Surprisingly, he grinned as he yanked on the chain, causing him and Fenrakk to topple backwards into the lava. They never even made a sound as they disappeared beneath the fiery waves.

Everyone gasped in shock at what they had just witnessed. Only Littlefoot dared to run over to the ledge to see where the Piraka had plunged. All he saw was nothing but sizzling lava. “He's... gone,” he slowly said in shock.

“Mata Nui preserve us,” said Nuparu quietly. “He... he did that to himself!”

“And he took the Mask of Life with him,” added Jaller. He then started walking towards the lava. “I have to go in there after it.”

“Jaller, no!” exclaimed Hahli as she tried to hold Jaller back. “You won't last more than ten seconds in that cauldron!”

Toa Jaller gently lowered Hahli's hand on him and said, “That's ten seconds longer than any of the rest of you would. With my natural resistance to heat and flame, maybe I can buy enough time to retrieve the mask and toss it to you. After that...” He turned to the Toa of Stone. “Take over as leader, Hewkii. Keep the team together and get the Mask of Life to wherever it has to go.”

The other Toa stared at Jaller as he turned around and walked up to the ledge where Littlefoot stood. Nobody said a word as the Toa of Fire prepared to sacrifice himself to retrieve the Mask of Life. Having spent much of his life in Ta-Koro, he was more than familiar with lava, especially what would happen to anyone unfortunate enough to fall in. He never forgot the sight of a helpless Rahi after it had stumbled into the lava near his village. He hesitated for a second when he glanced over at the young Longneck standing next to him. The poor kid shouldn't have to see this, he thought grimly.

“Wait!” Littlefoot suddenly shouted. “Look!”

Jaller followed Littlefoot's gaze towards that lava and couldn't believe what he saw. Floating on the surface of the lava was the Mask of Life!

“Quick! Grab it!” exclaimed Littlefoot.

Jaller quickly shrugged off the shock of what he was seeing and reached for the Mask of Life. His hand was about to touch the mask when it suddenly flipped over to reveal that it was still attached to Vezon's head. “Surprise!” shouted the very much alive Piraka.

Jaller and Littlefoot jumped back in shock. While everyone else couldn't see it for themselves, the all too familiar voice was enough to make their eyes widen.

“Don't tell me...” muttered Cera.

Everyone watched in horror as Vezon began to rise up out of the lava. The molten rock seemed to have had no effect on him whatsoever. Soon, the creature he rode atop also began to emerge, but it was not Fenrakk. It was something much more terrifying. The giant creature resembled a big Sharptooth with large wings on its back.

“Oh no, no, no!” exclaimed Ducky in fear.

“Oh yes, yes, yes!” retorted Vezon excitedly. The massive creature then swiped one of its clawed hands at Jaller, sending the Toa flying across the chamber. Jaller was knocked unconscious when he impacted the wall.

Littlefoot quickly ran back to his friends, fearing that he would be next.

Vezon looked around the chamber at everyone and asked, “Why so startled? Did you think that I had left you for good?”

When the giant Rahi opened its mouth, a powerful blast of energy was unleashed against the Toa, throwing them all to the ground. Littlefoot and his friends panicked and ran behind a nearby rock for cover. The powerful creature stepped towards the center of the chamber as the Toa, minus a still unconscious Jaller, slowly stood back up.

“Who is this, you wonder?” continued Vezon. “Where is Fenrakk? Well, my friends, this is Fenrakk... in a way. It is all part of the mask's curse. Defeat us however many times you like, and we will always come back more powerful than before. Should you drive my new friend here ó who I have named Kardas, by the way ó down to certain destruction, it will simply rise again in some worse form, and I will be right there with it.”

Vezon's bragging was interrupted when Kongu fired an energy bolt from his crossbow. Unlike Fenrakk, Kardas did react in pain to the physical attack. The beast responded by unleashing another blast of energy at the Toa of Air. Kongu was unable to dodge it quickly enough and ended up getting thrown into the stone wall so hard that he smashed right through it and into another chamber.

“Good Kardas,” cooed Vezon as he patted the Rahi on the back of the neck. “Nice devastating monster. Are you my favorite engine of destruction? Yes, you are.” He turned his attention back to the four remaining Toa. “Energy. Kardas produces it nonstop, so it's either release it by blasting you, or else go boom himself. Which do you think we would choose?”

“Me no like this,” muttered Petrie in worry.

Hahli fired a bolt from her energy harpoon, then followed it with a powerful blast of water with lightning. “And you're known for your good choices, aren't you?” taunted Hahli. “That's how you wound up a master of monsters!”

After being struck by both attacks, Kardas retaliated with another energy blast. Hahli was barely able to dodge the attack, which blew a large hole in the wall behind her.

“Now see what you're making him do!?” shouted Vezon. “I have to live here, you know!”

As Kardas began to charge forward, Matoro covered the stone floor in ice. The Rahi slid forward uncontrollably until it was slammed backwards by a powerful stone fist that was summoned by Hewkii. The Toa of Stone smiled and said, “Nice to have something to hit again.”

Toa Nuparu activated his mask power and began to fly around Kardas as it stood back up. He attempted to drive the Rahi back by blasting the surrounding ground with energy bolts from his laser drill. Instead, Kardas unleashed another energy blast at the Toa of Earth. Nuparu fell, but was caught by Hewkii before he would have impacted the ground.

“We all have to strike at once,” said Toa Hewkii. Jaller and Kongu were still unconscious, so only four of the Toa Inika would be able to unleash their final attack. The four Toa reached their weapons out and, as one, fired their pure elemental energy at Kardas. The massive creature roared and fired another blast of energy of its own. The two attacks came together in the middle, pushing against each other to reach their target. The Toa's attack had the upper hand at first, but it was eventually outmatched by the Rahi's unlimited energy supply.

Straining against their opponent's attack, Hewkii shouted, “Get down!” None of the Toa were able to move fast enough as they were overwhelmed by the beast's energy blast. In only a split second, the four remaining Toa had fallen.

“That's better,” said Vezon with a smile on his face. “Now, I wonder what the Spear of Fusion could do with the four of you? Or maybe I should use it on each of you alone, and see if I can split the Matoran you used to be from the arrogant fools you are now?”

Jaller had recovered just in time to see the outcome of the final attack and realized the danger his fellow Toa were now in. He glanced a little to the left and saw the gang still hiding behind that rock they had run to for cover. The young dinosaurs had been forgotten in the heat of the battle, and he decided it was time to change that.

Littlefoot, desperate to find a way to save the fallen Toa Inika, looked around and saw Toa Jaller as he took out the Zamor sphere that Axonn had given to him back at the stronghold. Jaller gave a quick nod to him. Littlefoot, understanding what the Toa of Fire was planning, nodded back in response. He then jumped out from behind the rock and, ignoring the protesting of his friends, ran to the center of the chamber as he called, “Hey, Vezon.”

Vezon lowered his spear and turned his attention to the little Longneck.

Littlefoot struggled to come up with something to say without sounding too suspicious. “Uh... How did you get the Mask of Life?” he asked. “I'm sure you went through a lot of trouble to get it.”

“Not as much as you might think,” laughed Vezon. “Besides, if I told you, I'd have to kill you.”

“You can do that after you tell me everything,” responded Littlefoot. “But I have to warn you, I ask a lot of questions.”

“So do I, but who's complaining?” said Vezon with a shrug.

“I don't know whether to call him very brave or just stupid,” whispered Cera to the rest of the gang.

With the primary distraction set in place, Jaller glanced around and saw Kongu stumble back into the central chamber through the hole in the wall. “I have an idea,” he whispered to the Toa of Air.

“Good,” replied Kongu. “I hope it starts with, ëMata Nui is just taking it easy for a while and he'll feel better. Let's go home.’”

“I need you to use your mask in a way you haven't before,” continued Jaller. “I'm not sure, but I think there's more to the Mask of Life than we know. Remember what Umbra said? It created the Protodax to guard it. Kongu, it may be that mask is capable of some kind of thought!”

“So it's evidently one up on you,” said Kongu, expressing his doubts. “Masks don't think.”

“This one does,” insisted Jaller. “Maybe not like we do, but... Use your Mask of Telepathy. Try to read the mask's thoughts and then project them into Vezon's mind. If you can distract him for a few moments, I think I know how to end this.” Jaller held up the glowing yellow sphere to show what he was talking about.

Kongu would have continued to argue, but he realized how limited his options were when he glanced at Vezon. The Piraka had his spear aimed at the other Toa and was speaking to Littlefoot. Still convinced the idea had no chance of working, the Toa Inika of Air triggered his mask power and concentrated on the Mask of Life.

Meanwhile, Littlefoot had succeeded in keeping Vezon occupied while Jaller had explained his plan to Kongu. Vezon had agreed to not kill him until after he finished telling the story about his life. Littlefoot knew the deal would give Jaller and Kongu plenty of time to carry out their plan, since Vezon loved to boast about himself.

“It all began when the Piraka decided to abandon their lives as Dark Hunters and strike out on their own,” explained Vezon. “They had heard rumors that Makuta had been killed, and decided to raid his lair for anything valuable. All they found was this spear, which Hakann carelessly handled by firing it at Vezok, which is where I come in.”

“Wait, you mean... you used to be part of Vezok?” asked Littlefoot.

“Yup, just like what happened to your Sharptooth friend here,” answered Vezon. Chomper growled angrily in response to this. “Except I ran off with the Spear of Fusion before anyone could use it again. I made it to Voya Nui before the others and came to this chamber much earlier than they did. The funny thing about the Mask of Life is that it curses anyone who touches it. As you can see, it cursed me by fusing itself to my head, fusing me to the back of an enlarged Rahi ó you knew it as Fenrakk, of course ó and giving me all of my other powers. I've been down here ever since, serving the will of the mask as its final and most powerful guardian of all.”

“What about all of the guardians you faced on your way down here?” asked Littlefoot. “You should know as well as the rest of us how hard it must have been to get past them.”

“Guardians?” laughed Vezon. “What guardians? My path to the Mask of Life was wide open!” Vezon grinned as he thought about what that meant to him. “It's almost as if the mask wanted me to have it.”

Right after making that last remark, Vezon's face suddenly fell. Against all odds, Kongu had succeeded in projecting the thoughts of the Mask of Life into Vezon's mind. The insane Piraka now knew what the mask really thought of him, and it wasn't pleasant.

“No!” shouted Vezon in both anger and sorrow. “I did everything you asked! I beat the Piraka! I beat the Toa! No one is touching you! No one is taking you from this place! Ever! And I won't be gotten rid of after all this! I won't!”

Littlefoot ran back to his friends, fearing that Vezon's rage might end up being directed at him.

Vezon quickly turned to Toa Matoro, who was just starting to recover with the rest of the Toa Inika. “So it wants you, does it?” hissed Vezon as he aimed his spear at the Toa of Ice. “Let's see if it still does when I'm through with you. You can be the ultimate chamber guard, Toa, once you are fused forever with the lava that courses through this chamber.”

Jaller had finally managed to retrieve his launcher by the time Kongu had unleashed the second distraction. Having no more time to waste, he quickly loaded the special Zamor sphere, aimed it at Vezon, and fired. The sphere struck its target, causing a strange blue glow to surround Vezon and Kardas as both of them suddenly stopped in mid-motion. Without stopping to figure out what had just happened, Jaller rushed over to the other Toa as they struggled to get back up.

“I'm okay,” said Hahli as Jaller helped her back to her feet.

“What did you do to them?” asked Ducky as she and her friends walked out from behind the rock.

“Are they... dead?” asked Nuparu.

“No,” said Jaller as he looked upon the face of Vezon, frozen in time in intense anger. “Something much worse ó they're still alive.”

“We have to get the mask now, while we can,” said Hewkii as he began to approach Vezon.

“Let Matoro do it,” Kongu suddenly said. Everyone looked at him in confusion.

“Why?” asked Hewkii. “What difference does it make whoó?”

“Just... just let Matoro do it, okay?” insisted Kongu.

Hewkii just shrugged in response as Matoro moved behind Vezon. The Toa of Ice reached into the strange energy field and grabbed the Mask of Life with both hands. Expecting some form of resistance, Matoro pulled with all his might. Surprisingly, the mask came off so easily that he actually fell backwards as he yanked it free. The Toa of Ice quickly stood back up and proudly held up the Mask of Life. “I've got it! I've got it!” Matoro shouted victoriously.

“Excellent, and we have you.”

The Toa and the young dinosaurs turned back to see the six Piraka were back on their feet and ready to fight. I can't believe we forgot about them! thought Cera, mentally kicking herself for not noticing their absence earlier.

“You have defeated Vezon and his monster,” continued Zaktan. “In gratitude, we will destroy you as quickly and efficiently as possible and take the mask. No need to thank us ó that is just the type of beings we are.”
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Read and review, as always.

Here are the images of everything first seen in this chapter:
Vezon and Fenrakk
Fenrakk (without Vezon)
Kardas Dragon (without Vezon)
The Mask of Life

[Pangaea]

I feel terrible about taking so long to review. I’m sorry; my life has just been insane lately and I’ve been either too busy or too exhausted to do much on the GOF. I’m also sorry that these reviews (mainly the second one) are somewhat shorter than usual; I’m having a really hard time getting my thoughts in order (and coming up with comments at all!) for some reason.

Chapter 18:

The fast biter battle was very well laid out; a good example of one of those easy-to-envision action scenes I commended you on in my review of your last story. I also must compliment you on your portrayal of the gang as feeling guilty after accidentally “killing” some of the fast biters; it felt like a realistic reaction for them.

I kinda would have expected the gang to be more surprised at the (apparent) presence of sharpteeth in the Matoran universe (though I suppose that was probably one of the things that tipped Cera off that it was a guardian test).

The “fast biters’” bodies becoming illusory images of the Toa’s bodies seemed rather strange to me (even if it was based on the official storyline), though I did like the way the gang discovered that they weren’t real (Once again, a keen sense of smell proves very useful to the gang in the Matoran universe).

The “sacrifice” test was another wonderfully done emotional scene. I’m glad you spent so much time on the gang’s reactions, hesitation, and consideration of who should be the one to die; it helps to convey how difficult the decision was for them. My favorite part, though, was Chomper’s volunteering to be the martyr; specifically, his reasoning for why it should be him. The way I see it, he demonstrated how much his friendship with the gang meant to him; that he would prefer to die young to help his friends than to reach an age where he would need to eat their kind to live. Such a bittersweet scene.

The one problem I had with that part is that not enough time or detail was spent on the scene of the gang grieving after thinking that Chomper was dead; basically it felt like Chomper was “resurrected” too soon for the supposed reality of his death to sink in and incite an emotional response from the reader. (Mind you, I’m referring to “time” as the amount of text dedicated to the scene, not the actual period of time from the characters’ perspective; I understand that the guardian would have no reason not to bring Chomper back immediately.)

By the way, I wonder how the Piraka got through that test, seeing as it required an act of selflessness; a trait that the Piraka are not known for.

The only error I caught in this chapter:

Petrie panicked and quickly his behind Cera's neckshield.

Should be “hid”.


Chapter 19:

I feel a little guilty that my review for this chapter is not especially positive. You borrowed A LOT of text to write it, and I was disappointed by the gang’s minor role in defeating Vezon, especially after everything they went through to catch up with Toa. I hate to say it, but I’m tired of seeing them so helpless in all the action scenes. Obviously they have the disadvantage of being small, young, fragile organic creatures, whereas their foes are typically large, protodermis-plated monsters with elemental energy weapons, so granted, their options for contributing to a battle scene are very limited. I’d just like to see them do something (preferably somethings) that makes the difference between success and failure for the Bionicle protagonists. Can non-biomechanical creatures use Zamor launchers? Maybe one of the gang could have fired the Zamor sphere that froze Vezon and Kardas. And even if their bodies are made of very hard armor, I would assume the Piraka and other enemies wouldn’t be immune to being knocked off balance from Cera or some other powerful member of the gang knocking their foot out from under them, or something.

Personally I find the theme of a character fighting an evil version of themselves to be a bit clichÈd, and I didn’t feel like that scene added much to the chapter besides giving the LBT characters some more things to do. I was also a little disappointed that Chomper never got to make use of the anger he felt towards Vezon once he was fused back together (though I’m not sure how much effect a sharptooth’s teeth would have on a Piraka; do they have any unarmored body parts?).

I will say that I found Vezon to be a rather entertaining character. His fawning over Kardas after he blasts Kongu, his complaint that the Toa were making him destroy his own home, and his response to Ducky’s “no, no, no!”, I found especially amusing. And I thought that your version of the reveal that Vezon was still alive after falling into the lava was a massive improvement on the original text’s.

I found only one mistake in this chapter as well:

Still convinced the idea had no chance of working, the Toa Inika of Air and triggered his mask power and concentrated on the Mask of Life.

Delete “and”.

[Petrie85]

Don't be sorry. Your life is more important than an online forum. And that chapter was great it had a good a nice plot to it.

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Don't worry, I can assure you that my posting of chapter 19 without waiting for you on the previous chapter will be an exception, since I was just so eager to introduce Vezon (By the way, I'm glad you like him. ). I'm starting my next year of college in a few days, so my progress here will likely slow down a bit, so that should give you a better chance. Besides, I thought your reviews were short only because there were hardly any errors to point out, and that's hardly a bad thing.  

By the way, I wonder how the Piraka got through that test, seeing as it required an act of selflessness; a trait that the Piraka are not known for.

Remember from chapter 17, the gang followed the Toa, but the Piraka went down a different "blocked" path, which means they had to face a different series of guardians. The first one they faced was Irnakk (a boogeyman to the Piraka's species) who makes their worst fears become real. Zaktan defeats Irnakk by by overcoming his fear and turning it against Irnakk, revealing that it was all just an illusion. The second one they faced was based on trust (which we all know the Piraka don't have). They are each trapped and the only way out is by pulling a lever inside their prisons. The catch is that they all have to pull their levers at the same time for all of them to be freed, but anyone who pulls the lever first will be the only one freed while the others are killed. Zaktan and Avak try to get everyone out together, but Reidak selfishly pulls his lever, causing everyone (including Reidak) to be dropped into a flooded chamber. The Piraka barely make it out alive and manage to get the to volcanic plain first.

I was also a little disappointed that Chomper never got to make use of the anger he felt towards Vezon once he was fused back together

Don't worry, he'll get another chance a few chapters from now.

Petrie85: I'm glad you like this story so far, though I must ask what your thoughts were on Vezon. He's one of my favorite Bionicle characters, and I'd like to know what you think of him.

Here's the next chapter.

-------
Chapter 20
A Lost Victory

The Toa Inika raised their weapons. They may have been worn out from their battle with Vezon, but were still capable of fighting. Now that they had finally gotten the Mask of Life, they were willing to do whatever it took to keep it away from the Piraka. “How long have you been open-eyed?” questioned Kongu.

“We have been awake for some time now, of course,” answered Zaktan with a smile. “We just felt it made more sense for you to exhaust yourselves in battle for the Mask of Life. Now that you have it, we will take it.”

“You mean you'll try,” said Hewkii, tightening his grip on his laser axe. “And fail.”

Littlefoot and his friends slowly backed away in order to avoid getting caught in the battle that was about to begin.

Meanwhile, the effect of the special Zamor sphere on Vezon and Kardas had just worn off. Separated from the Mask of Life, the two were now so weakened that they both collapsed and slipped into unconsciousness. However, Kardas didn't want to go down quietly, so the beast unleashed one last blast of energy in the split second before it fell. The blast struck Matoro. It was so much weaker than the previous blasts that all it did was cause the Toa of Ice to stumble forward, but it was enough to cause him to drop the Mask of Life.

All six Piraka rushed forward, ready to fight among themselves for possession of the mask. After a few seconds of shoving against each other, they realized that the mask had never even hit the ground. Instead, it was hovering in midair between them and the Toa.

“What's going on?” asked Chomper.

Once everyone's attention was on the glowing Mask of Life, it suddenly zoomed out of the chamber through the gateway that had been blasted open by Nuparu. Without a word, everyone began a mad dash for the mask.

The Piraka had a head start, since they had been standing closer to the gateway than the Toa or the young dinosaurs. Toa Jaller knew they had to be stopped, or at least slowed down. “Hewkii!” he shouted, pointing at the Piraka ahead of them.

Hewkii nodded and summoned stone hands from the floor to grab all six Piraka. It wasn't enough to hold down Zaktan ó who simply dissipated his substance ó but Matoro acted quickly and froze the Piraka leader in a column of ice.

“That buys us maybe ten seconds,” said Hewkii.

“Then it will have to be enough,” said Jaller as he raced up the staircase with the other Toa.

“Come on, guys!” shouted Littlefoot as he and his friends followed the Toa out of the chamber. “Hurry!” There was no doubting that they had little hope of keeping up with the mask, but they all knew they had to try. After all, it was much better than the alternative of staying behind with the Piraka.

The six Toa Inika and seven young dinosaurs ran as fast as they could up the stairs. Nobody had bothered to count the steps, so they had no idea how much further they had to go.

Littlefoot was the first one to realize something different about the tunnel. “I wonder what happened to all the guardians,” he thought aloud.

“I think it's because they are guardians of the Mask of Life,” answered Ruby. “Their job must be to keep anyone out of this place, not to keep anyone in this place. And since we're all trying to get out of here, all of the guardians are letting us all out of here.”

“Good,” said Kongu. “One less worry-problem for us.”

No matter how fast the group ran, the Mask of Life always seemed to stay ahead of them. Matoro tried to freeze it to the walls, but the mask just smashed right through the ice like it was nothing. Hewkii tried the same thing with stone, but that too failed. Hahli tried to bring down the mask with a jet of water, followed by Kongu with a gust of wind. Both efforts also failed to do anything.

“We have to find out where it's going,” suggested Matoro. “I'll use my mask power andó”

“No!” shouted Jaller. “We're not leaving your body behind in here. Especially with the Piraka right behind us.”

Eventually, the Mask of Life led the group out of the underground stairway and back onto the surface of Voya Nui. They ran outside into a heavy rainstorm. Cera would have complained about it, but she was too tired to do so. Even though the Toa had done much more than the gang during the battle, they were much more physically fit. Jaller led the rest of the Toa Inika, followed by Ruby and the others with Spike slowly bringing up the rear.

The strangest thing about this unusual chase was how the speed of the Mask of Life seemed to change with the pursuers. Every time they lost view of the mask, it seemed to slow down until they had almost reached it. It was as if the mask wanted them to follow it.

Nuparu triggered his mask power and flew over the terrain to see where the mask was going. Petrie had been struggling to keep up, so he was relieved to see the Toa of Earth take up the chase by air. “I think it's leading us somewhere,” Nuparu shouted down to the others. “It's heading north towards Voya Nui Bay. I don't see any traps up ahead, though.”

“If you could easy-see them, then they wouldn't be very good traps,” grumbled Kongu.

The group continued to chase the Mask of Life across the barren interior of the island and through the rocky mountains until they finally reached the sandy coast of the bay. The mask hovered over the water, as if it was waiting for everyone to arrive. Once Spike finally rejoined the others, the mask plunged into the bay.

“Great!” exclaimed Cera sarcastically, still gasping for breath. “That's just great!”

Toa Hahli didn't waste any time to go after the Mask of Life. She ran out into the water and dove beneath the waves. Ducky ó who had been riding on Spike's back and thus was not tired like her friends ó ignored all of her past fears of big water and followed the Toa Inika of Water. At the same time, Matoro's body collapsed as he used his mask power to separate his spirit so he could keep an eye on the two.

At first, Ducky was able to dive down just as fast as Hahli as they followed the Mask of Life. Despite the darkness, the golden glow of the mask was very easy to spot. However, the pressure around them was increasing as they went deeper. Despite all her years of practice, Ducky knew her limits. She was forced to turn around and head back to the surface, silently hoping that Hahli would be able to reach the mask.

Back on the shore, everyone waited silently in hopes their friends would retrieve the mask. Suddenly, Ducky burst through the surface of the water, gasping for breath. Ruby and Spike ran out to help her back onto the beach.

“It is... too deep... for me,” gasped Ducky. “It is... it is.”

“What about Hahli?” asked Jaller in concern.

Matoro's body immediately stood back up, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. “Hahli's drowning!” exclaimed Matoro in panic.

At those words, the Toa rushed out towards the water. The gang followed behind uncertainly.

“How can we save Hahli if Hahli is deeper than even Ducky can go?” asked Ruby.

Jaller struggled to come up with a rescue plan. He had to admit that Ruby had a point. Before he could answer that question, he saw Hahli's body reach the surface. He immediately swam out and grabbed her. He feared that he might have been too late to save her, until her head was pulled above the water and she began to cough up all the water in her lungs.

Jaller was about to ask if Hahli was okay when he noticed someone else was holding her up. As they walked ashore, everyone gasped when they saw the stranger was a Matoran. Once they reached the beach, Hahli had already mostly recovered, but the Matoran collapsed for a mysterious reason. The gang rushed to the Matoran's side.

“Who are you?” asked Jaller. “Where did you come from?”

“No time,” gasped the Matoran. “Help us... city beneath the sea... help us or we're lost...”

“What city?” asked Hewkii. “What are you talking about?”

The Matoran's head fell as his eyes went dark. His heartlight also went out. The unknown Matoran was dead. Nobody said a word as the painful truth of this set in.
________

After silently grieving for the deceased Matoran, Hewkii decided to dig a grave. By the time he was done, Nuparu had found an appropriately sized rock and placed it next to the hole to mark the grave. As was customary of a Matoran burial, the Kanohi mask was removed and placed on top of the rock. Once the Matoran was properly buried, another moment of silence hung over the Toa and young dinosaurs.

“Mata Nui watch over him,” Matoro said solemnly.

“He sacrificed his life to save mine,” said Hahli. “That may make him a greater hero than any of us.”

“And he brought us more mysteries,” added Hewkii. “Who was this Matoran? What killed him? What city was he talking about? And why did the Mask of Life vanish beneath the waves?”

As Kongu looked out across the ocean, he shook his head and said, “Why do I deep-think we're all about to go for a swim?”

“What's the point?” said Cera, simply trying to state the facts. “Let's face it, that mask is gone. There's no way we can get it now.”

“But without the Mask of Life, we cannot save Mata Nui,” said Ducky worriedly. “Oh no, no, no.”

“There has to be another way,” said Littlefoot with determination. “There just has to be!”

“I think we all wish that were true,” replied Nuparu.

“Yes, as much as I'd hate to say it... I'm afraid Cera's right,” said Jaller, lowering his head in defeat. “The Mask of Life is now beyond our reach.”

“Maybe fate random-picked the wrong Matoran to be Toa,” wondered Kongu. “We failed.”

“No, Toa-hero, you succeeded,” said a familiar voice. “Now you just have to succeed again.”

The six Toa Inika and seven young dinosaurs quickly turned around. As the rain began to lighten, they saw some familiar figures walking along the beach towards them. The group was led by Axonn and the six Matoran who had avoided enslavement by the Piraka. Behind them were the six Toa Nuva, fully restored with their masks and weapons.

“Tahu! Gali! I can't believe it!” shouted Jaller in happiness.

“We were afraid you might be dead!” exclaimed Hahli. “It's so wonderful to see you. Now everything will be all right.”

Pohatu smiled and said, “Toa are hard to kill, you know that. Ask Makuta... if he ever gets out from under that door.”

“Our Matoran friends found us and freed us from the effects of the Piraka's Zamor spheres,” explained Tahu. “One even offered to forge a new Air Katana for Lewa. By the way, where are the Piraka?”

Jaller and Littlefoot ó speaking for their respective groups ó told the Toa Nuva about everything that had happened since the moment the Toa Inika arrived on Voya Nui. The Toa Nuva listened with full attention, just as the gang had listened to their story not so long ago. They were quite impressed by the bravery the gang showed in their determination to follow the Toa Inika on their way to the Mask of Life. The last part was what surprised them the most with the death of an unknown Matoran and the possibility that there was an entire Matoran city hidden at the bottom of the ocean.

“We were trying to come up with a way to follow the mask when you arrived,” finished Jaller. “But now that you're here, you can go with us.”

“Or maybe you would prefer to have us go back to Metru Nui?” asked Nuparu. He wasn't the only one who hoped that wouldn't be the case. After having experienced first-hand what it was like to be a Toa, none of the Toa Inika were willing to go back to Metru Nui for lowly guard duty.

Tahu turned to the other Toa Nuva. Kopaka nodded in approval, while Gali put a hand on his shoulder in assurance. Tahu then turned back to the Toa Inika and said, “I think, perhaps, it is we who should return to the city. Take your team, Jaller, and find the mask.”

Jaller had not been expecting an answer like that at all. “What?” he said. “But you are the Toa Nuva ó the most powerful of all Toa ó and this is your destiny!”

“It is our destiny to awaken Mata Nui from his centuries-long slumber,” corrected Kopaka. “You are fighting to save the life of the Great Spirit, which must be done before he can be returned to consciousness. And that, my friends, is your destiny ó not ours.”

“We came to Voya Nui to find the Mask of Life,” continued Gali. “We failed. If it were not for you six, we and the Matoran of this island would still be enslaved by the Piraka... or worse. Don't you see? Your very existence as Toa is a sign from the Great Beings that you were meant to find the mask and save Mata Nui.”

Jaller wasn't sure what to say. The Toa Nuva certainly spoke the truth: they had completely failed, while the Toa Inika had at least partially succeeded. The success of his team meant that perhaps they really were destined to be Toa.

“What about the Matoran here?” asked Hahli, looking towards Garan and the other Matoran present. “The Piraka are still on the loose. The villagers are still in danger.”

Nobody spoke up for a moment. The question did bring up a rather complicated issue. Unlike the Matoran of Metru Nui, the Matoran who lived here had no Toa for protection or Turaga for guidance. Although they had managed to get by just fine for centuries, the Piraka turned out to be too much for them to handle on their own.

Finally, it was Axonn who decided to speak up. “There is no need to be concerned,” he said. “I will remain on Voya Nui and see to the Matoran. We will rebuild our lives here, until destiny says it is time for them to leave.”

“Believe me, he'll make sure the Piraka think twice before they mess with us again,” said Kazi to Garan and the others.

Although he was pleased to see the Matoran would be protected, Jaller still couldn't ignore an even bigger problem. He glanced out at the water, thinking if there was even a point to continue this quest with the Mask of Life lost in such an unreachable place.

Axonn noticed this gesture and added, “Fear not, my friend. There is a way to reach the undersea realm, but the way is treacherous... and your destination is a place of death and despair. But if you are willing to make the journey, my axe can open the way for you.”

“We'll do it,” said Jaller, without even turning to look at the other Toa. He knew their answer would have been the same as his.

“Then meet me at the Matoran village in the center of the island,” said Axonn. “Your quest begins there.”

Littlefoot turned to Toa Jaller and spoke up. “I guess you'll want us to go to Metru Nui with the Toa Nuva, right?” he asked, sounding slightly disappointed by the idea.

Jaller turned to the other Toa Inika. All of them nodded in approval. Jaller turned to Littlefoot and replied, “Actually, we think you've proven yourselves enough to deserve a chance.”

The gang looked up at the Toa Inika in surprise.

“We won't ask you to go to Metru Nui for your own safety,” continued Jaller, “but we also won't ask you to come with us. Instead, we'll let you decide for yourselves. I'd warn you about possible dangers, except I think that will be unnecessary after seeing how you handled Vezon.”

Littlefoot eagerly turned to his friends and asked, “Should we go with them?”

Their responses were quick and unanimous. All six of them wanted to go just as much as the young Longneck did.

Littlefoot turned back to Toa Jaller and firmly stated, “We're going.”

Axonn nodded in understanding and said, “So be it. If that is what you want, then I shall not stop you.”

With no more questions left to ask, there was nothing left to do but for the groups to say their goodbyes before parting. The Toa Inika and Toa Nuva exchanged words of encouragement and assurances that they would see each other again soon. Meanwhile, the six Matoran turned to the gang to exchange some last words.

“It was nice to have you on our side,” said Garan. “You may not have offered much, but we truly appreciated your loyalty to the Matoran.”

“We're glad we could help you, too,” said Ruby. “We always look after our friends, and any Matoran is a friend to us.”

“You'll be going after the Mask of Life beneath the sea,” said Dalu. “If you do find a city down there, do you think you can do a favor for us?”

“What would that be?” asked Cera.

Piruk turned to look out at the water. “Voya Nui Bay wasn't always there,” he said. “There used to be land over there. We had built a village on that land.”

“Sadly, that land turned out to be too unstable,” continued Balta. “One day, it sank beneath the waves, taking the village with it. At lot of our friends went down with it. We all thought they had died... until now.”

“While we were searching for the Toa Nuva in the stronghold,” continued Garan, “we found some tablets with records of the history of Voya Nui written on them. One thing we didn't understand was that, according to some of those tablets, that village still exists, and the Matoran who lived there are still alive. If those Matoran are still alive... let them know about us. Tell them that we miss them and would like to see them again. Will you do that for us?”

The gang was silent for a moment. It was shocking enough to think that there might be a city hidden underwater, but it was even more surprising that the possible inhabitants of that city might have once lived side by side with the Matoran of Voya Nui. Regardless of this unexpected connection, the young dinosaurs knew there was only one answer they could give.

“Yes,” answered Littlefoot. “We will.”

“Excellent,” said Garan. “We'll tell everyone in the Matoran village about this so that we may reunite with our old friends we once thought were dead. Once again, we thank you for helping us, but we both know that it won't be easy to get there.”

“Stay with the Toa, and may Mata Nui protect you,” said Balta, offering some final words of encouragement.

Once everyone was ready to part ways, Tahu turned to those who would go after the Mask of Life and said, “Go now, Toa Inika. As Matoran, you showed courage and heart as great as that of any Toa. As heroes, you have proven yourselves worthy of joining the ranks of the greatest in legend. Your young friends have also proven themselves enough to have the chance to fight by your side. We will be waiting to greet you when you have fulfilled your destiny.”

The gang and the Toa Inika bowed in respect to the Toa Nuva.

Axonn turned to Balta and said, “Take them to the Matoran village. I shall be there after I discuss a few things with the Toa Nuva.”

Balta nodded. He and the other Matoran then began to lead the gang and the Toa Inika to the Matoran village.

Axonn and the Toa Nuva were the only ones remaining on the beach. Once the others were out of sight, Axonn turned to Tahu and said, “They are gone, but I do not need to be wearing the Mask of Truth to know you lied to them.”

Tahu never turned his attention away from where the others had gone as he answered, “Where we have to go, they can't follow. What we have to do, they cannot be a part of. And you know it.”

Axonn nodded. Having been around since close to the beginning of the Matoran universe, he knew things the Matoran didn't... and was also aware there were things that even he had no knowledge of. Reawakening the Great Spirit might turn out to be a long and complicated process. The Matoran universe was not as simple as one might think at first glance. “Do you think the Toa Inika and their allies will succeed?” asked Axonn.

Tahu turned away and sighed. He finally replied, “I think they can count themselves very lucky if they even survive.”
-------

Read and review, as always. Just so you're aware, updates will likely slow down for a while since my next year of college starts in a few days, but at least I'm glad I made this much progress this summer.

[Caustizer]

I read through this entire chapter and it started off pretty interesting.  The Mask of Life acted seemingly of its own accord forcing a drawn out chase to catch it.  The amount of additions you have made to the original text is pretty impressive, though I feel the adaptation is not as smooth as it could be.

This chapter was a very big 'Toa' chapter compared to some of the others with lots of characters arriving, speaking, and performing actions that are not part of the gang.  It seems like a trend for this story that when these chapters occur, things get confusing for me very quickly.  I have said this before, but you can keep your readers more interested in the story by watering down some of the more intense Bionicle Lore and disscussions between the original characters to keep the Gang of Seven more relevant to the story.

After the Matoran rescued one of the Toa and more characters showed up, I had to stop and think about what was going on as I tried to remember who everyone was, what they looked like, and more importantly where the story was headed.  Making an effort to describe the appearances and emotions of the Toa beyond the original story (which assumes the reader goes through the tale all in one go as opposed to one installment every one to two weeks) would make attracting reviewers easier since we can't be expected go back and read several past chapters to figure it out on our own.

Keep writing... I can tell your on the home stretch

Caustizer

[Pangaea]

Oh, curse me; has it really taken me eight weeks to post a review? Rrrrrrrrrgh! It’s probably meaningless by now, but I’m sorry. I’m not the reviewer I used to be. (Chronicler: I’d rather not waste space and irritate people ranting about my lateness here, so PM me if you want to know why I took so long.)

I regret to say that I can’t come up with many comments for this chapter other than the one I’m sure you’re sick of hearing by now: that I didn’t think the gang were involved enough, and that their presence in the chapter felt rather negligible. However, this time I’d like to expand on that criticism, as I believe I’ve identified a major reason that this is such a frequent issue for me. As I see it, this story so faróand I mean no offense by thisóhas essentially been a plot lifted from the Bionicle canon with the LBT gang inserted. This means that no matter the level of involvement the LBT characters have in the events of the story, the outcome will always be more or less the same as they are in the original, official work. Granted, if the reader knows nothing of how the story will play out (i.e., they haven’t seen the “source material”), they still might manage to enjoy it. However, as long as the cast of the story consists of all of the original Bionicle characters with the gang added in, there is only so much the latter will be able to do to influence the plot. Rather than having their own roles in the story, they are forced to share roles with the Bionicle characters. And since the original version already had a considerably sized cast (mostly consisting of “six-packs” of characters who are together much of the time: the Matoran freedom fighters, the Toa Nuva, the Toa Inika, and the Piraka), that makes it very difficult to allocate dialogue and actions equally among the characters so that all of them maintain a role and a presence in the story. I’m hoping that this is only true of the first part of this story (since I know you have a lot more to tell), and that the storyline will soon segue into one more of your own design, with hopefully fewer characters for the gang to compete with for the spotlight. Your first fanfic demonstrated that you are capable of writing a Bionicle-themed story with original elements (namely the Energy Stones), and I am looking forward to seeing more of this.

My favorite original bit in this chapter was probably Ducky’s attempt to help Hahli retrieve the Mask of Life by diving into the water after her. I liked how it emphasized just how deep Hahli was diving, that such an accomplished and capable swimmer as Ducky had to turn back first.

But the Matoran wasn't saying any more. His heartlight stopped shining and his eyes faded to black. He was dead.

I don’t recall it ever being explained previously in either of your stories what heartlights are. It was easy to conclude that they are indicators of a Matoran’s lifeforce, much like a heartbeat (an assumption I confirmed by checking the Bionicle wiki). So this isn’t a particularly major oversight, but perhaps it would have been a good idea to have a brief explanation in some prior part of the story.

If this chapter marks the last appearance of Balta, Dalu, Kazi, Velika, Garan, and Piruk (the Matoran the gang met when they first came to Voya Nui), then I think there should be a scene where they get to interact with the gang one last time, exchanging a personal farewell.

Another unresolved matter: What happened to Brutaka? There is no mention of him in this chapter, not even by Axonn.

However, Kardas didn't want to go down quietly, so the beast unleashed one last blast of energy in the split second before it had fallen.

Should be “fell”.

After a few seconds of shoving against each other, they realized that the mask * never even hit the ground.

*Insert “had”.

Eventually, the Mask of Life finally led the group out of the underground stairway and back onto the surface of Voya Nui.

It’s probably redundant to have “eventually” and “finally” in the same sentence. I’d remove the latter.

Again I apologize for making you wait so long for such a paltry review. Sadly, I have reason to doubt that my reliability and quality as a reviewer will improve any time soon.

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: Many times, I've mentioned that there would be many chapters with little original material, but I've struggled to explain why I'm writing like this. I think your explanation of this frequent problem is the best I've ever heard. Even I never thought of it like that, but now it makes sense to me. And you're at least partially right, the gang's involvement in the plot will improve, but maybe not as much as you're hoping at first. (For example, in the next part, the Toa will allow the gang to go with them, unlike the first part. The gang will get even more involved in the third part, but the reason for that is something I came up with, so it's a spoiler.) As for the part about Brutaka, that's explained in the next chapter.

Caustizer: As I already mentioned to Pangaea, this is only the first of five parts that I've finished for this story, though I'm hoping at least most of the other four parts won't be as long as part one.

This chapter marks the end of part one of five. I couldn't come up with a lot of ideas, so that's why it's shorter than most of the other chapters.

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Chapter 21
Preparing for the Unknown

The rain had completely stopped by the time the group of Toa and young dinosaurs arrived at the Matoran village. As they entered the village, the formerly enslaved Matoran gradually emerged from their huts and, upon seeing the Toa Inika, began to cheer their arrival.

Garan raised his hands to silence the growing crowd. He spoke to the villagers, “Quiet everyone. I understand everyone's appreciation for what these heroes have done for us, but their journey is not yet over. They may have saved Voya Nui, but now they have to save the entire universe. To do that, they will need an item of great power, the same one the Piraka had intended to find, but has now been lost to the sea. There is a way for them to retrieve it, but the path must first be opened.”

Balta turned to the gang and the Toa and said, “I suggest you wait outside the village for Axonn. I'm sure you would like some time to yourselves before you leave.”

“I agree.” Garan turned back to the crowd and continued, “In the meantime, let us gather in the center of the village. I have a few more announcements to make.”

As the Matoran headed for the center of the village, the gang and the Toa Inika turned around and headed back to the edge of the village. After all they had been through recently, a little time to relax seemed like a good idea.

“So...” began Littlefoot, “what do you think is next for us?”

“I honestly don't know what to expect,” admitted Matoro.

“But there is one thing we can be sure of,” added Cera. “If we're going to get that mask, we're going to have to go underwater, and let's face it, some of us aren't going to like that.”

“Couldn't agree more,” responded Hewkii with a shudder.

“That may be inevitable, but maybe there is a way down without getting wet,” said Jaller. “Perhaps that's the path that Axonn has offered to show us.”

“I guess we'll just have to wait and see,” said Chomper.

“Me just hope nothing evil-bad down there,” said Petrie worriedly.

“In this universe, that's just too much to hope for,” replied Hewkii.

“I agree,” added Nuparu. “At the very least, we should hope that we can take on anything that might stand in our way.”

“I also hope that if we do find any Matoran down there,” added Ruby, “those Matoran will help us find the Mask of Life and not turn against us.”

“Yeah, I remember how the first meeting between the Toa Nuva and these Matoran went,” said Cera. “The Matoran attacked because they thought the Toa were a threat, like the Piraka.”

“So as long as they're not in any quick-danger from Makuta-beasts, we should have no worry-problem getting them on our side,” concluded Kongu.

“If they really do exist down there,” said Hahli. “I still feel bad for that one Matoran who saved me,” she added sadly.

Jaller put a reassuring hand on her shoulder and said, “Don't feel so bad, Hahli. I know it's sad to think of what happened to that Matoran, but I don't think you were at fault. His last words were a warning to us. If you hadn't been in the water, he still would have come to us and possibly still suffered the same fate. You should be glad that he took whatever little time he had left of his life to save yours.”

Hahli looked up and felt more at ease as she stared into his eyes. It was no secret by now how much they loved each other, despite the fact they were now Toa. Through all of the struggles, both physical and emotional, she was glad to have someone like Jaller to always be there for her.

“You know,” Nuparu suddenly spoke up, “I think I know what might have killed that Matoran.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Hewkii. “Was he attacked by something?”

“Not necessarily,” replied Nuparu. “Let's assume for a moment that there really is a city at the bottom of the sea. Now let's assume that Matoran came from that city. If he were to have swum from down there all the way to the surface, that could have been lethal for him.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked Ducky.

“You may have noticed how much the pressure increased as you swam deeper, right, Ducky? Well, based on what I've heard from experiences by some Onu-Matoran in the mines, going the other way can be an even bigger problem. For example, if someone stayed at the bottom of the mine for some time, then quickly took the elevator all the way to the top level, he would be overcome by what I call pressure sickness. Usually, it's nothing worse than severe dizziness, and I've never heard of a case being lethal. That Matoran probably came from a much greater depth than I have ever known, not to mention that water pressure is far greater than air at a similar depth.”

“So what you're saying is that he could have died just because he swam to the surface too quickly?” asked Matoro.

“Precisely,” answered Nuparu.

“Wow, Nuparu, you sure do know a lot about all kinds of things,” praised Chomper.

“It comes from experience,” said Nuparu to the little Sharptooth. “Maybe I can give you a few lessons after all of this is over with.”

“That would be great!” exclaimed Chomper excitedly.

“Anyway, if what Nuparu said is true, then that Matoran must have had a good reason to come and warn us as soon as he could,” said Littlefoot

“Perhaps he was under attack,” Jaller speculated. “Or worse, maybe the entire underwater city was under attack and he tried to find help.”

Kongu sighed and muttered to himself, “So much for finding a happy-safe village.”

“Well, I still think we won't have any problems convincing them that we only want to help them,” assured Littlefoot. “All we have to do is tell them what we did for their friends up here.”

“What do you mean ëtheir friends?’” asked Hewkii.

“Sorry, I forgot to mention what Garan and the others just told us,” replied Littlefoot. “That city used to be on Voya Nui, but it sank a long time ago, and everyone there was thought to have died.”

“You mean the Matoran of Voya Nui and those that might live in the underwater city once lived together?” asked Hahli.

Littlefoot nodded.

“I guess that makes things a lot easier, then,” remarked Hewkii.

“Regardless, we should be prepared for anything,” warned Jaller. “They might not be friendly to outsiders, or might not even remember Voya Nui at all. My point is that with the stakes this high, we can't be too careful with anything.”

“I just hope those Matoran can find the Mask of Life before something else does,” said Cera.

“Me not want to think what that something else could be,” added Petrie worriedly.

Spike nervously nodded in agreement.

“But if something unfriendly does find it, we'll just have to take it from their dirty hands,” said Hewkii.

“Right, because that's what Toa-heroes do,” boasted Kongu. “We quick-save Matoran from danger.”

“Only this time, it's an entire universe of Matoran whose lives depend on us,” added Matoro.

“And wherever you must go and whatever you must do to save this universe, we will always be there to help you save this universe,” said Ruby.

“Yeah, you can count on us!” assured Littlefoot.

“We certainly appreciate your help,” said Nuparu. “I just hope we can overcome whatever might stand in our way on this journey.”

“We will have to do everything we can,” said Jaller. “The fate of the Matoran universe is in our hands.”

“What if we do not succeed?” asked Ducky.

Jaller was silent for a few seconds before he finally said with determination, “We must succeed.”

If it had not been obvious to any of the young dinosaurs, it certainly was now. If Mata Nui couldn't be saved, the entire Matoran universe would die, and they might end up getting caught in the destruction with everyone else. For Toa and dinosaur, failure was not an option.

“Look!” exclaimed Chomper. “Here comes Axonn!”

Everyone looked in the direction Chomper was pointing and saw Axonn approaching them on his own.

“Where are the Toa Nuva?” asked Hahli, noticing their absence.

“They have already begun their journey back to Metru Nui,” answered Axonn, not telling the whole story of what they would be doing instead of simple guard duty.

“Before we go anywhere, I forgot to ask you something,” said Littlefoot as Axonn passed by. “What happened to Brutaka?”

The question made Axonn stop in his tracks. Everyone felt tense for a moment as they waited for him to say something. “When you stopped Hakann and Thok,” explained Axonn, “and returned Brutaka's power to him, I was left with no choice but to battle him, even if it had to take all of eternity for one of us to be victorious. I eventually gained the upper hand when I destroyed the vat containing the virus, robbing him of the substance that had made him stronger. Once I had defeated Brutaka, I was hoping that I could bring him back to our side, but... the Order of Mata Nui had other ideas.” He let out a sigh of defeat. “He has been banished to the Pit.” Axonn resumed walking before anyone could question him further. The group had no choice but to just follow him.

It wasn't long until the group reached the center of the village, where all of the Matoran of Voya Nui had gathered. Their meeting was silenced as they watched their heroes arrive.

“Stand aside, Matoran,” said Axonn as he unlimbered his axe. “This is the beginning of your journey, Toa, and Mata Nui will help see you through to the end.”

Axonn raised his axe and swung it down at the ground. He pulled his axe out and swung it at the ground again, and again, and again. Within a short amount of time, he had cleaved a large pit in the ground until he reached a layer of white stone, marked in one spot by a symbol that resembled the shape of Voya Nui. He climbed out of the pit and threw his axe at the marking in the white stone, smashing a large hole through the rock layer and revealing an underground passage beneath.

“You route lies through there,” said Axonn as his axe returned to his hand. “It is a long maze of tunnels known as the Cord. It will take you to the city beneath the sea and the Mask of Life... but take care, Toa and young ones. The ocean is home to many wonders and many dangers... to figures of great courage and some so evil that even the Order of Mata Nui could do nothing but banish them below.”

The Toa stood at the edge of the pit, followed uneasily by the gang. Nuparu decided to go first. He climbed down the side of the pit and jumped into the hole. The noise of his feet hitting solid ground not too far away was reassuring to everyone else. “It's okay, guys,” he called up to the others. “It's not that far of a jump.”

One by one, the rest of the Toa Inika followed the Toa of Earth into the unknown. Cera, trying to prove her bravery to her friends, was the next one down. Although everyone was hesitant at first, the rest of the young dinosaurs eventually followed.

Littlefoot was the last one to go. He climbed down the pit and stopped at the edge of the hole. Before taking the final leap, he looked up at the surrounding Matoran and said, “Don't worry, everyone. We won't let you down.”

As the Matoran cheered at this promise, Littlefoot took the leap into the darkness below.
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Read and review, as always. The next few chapters, in terms of how I write them, are going to be rather unique. You see, there was supposed to be another Bionicle book that explained what happens to the Toa Inika during their journey beneath Voya Nui, but that book was cancelled. As a result, the only canon material I have to go by are the basic events that happened. I'll have to come up with the details and dialogue myself. Once I can find the time to write them, this should be interesting.

[The Chronicler]

No reviews? I'll admit I'm not putting as much pressure on you guys as I did previously, but I was kind of hoping someone would say something over the past 6 weeks. Especially since the next 2 and a half chapters are going to be nearly entirely original material, due to a cancelled book. I'll just post the first of these chapters and see what you think of it.

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Chapter 22
Down the Cord

The group of six Toa Inika and seven young dinosaurs had been walking through the winding tunnel for only a few minutes and they were already isolated from the light of the entrance. Toa Jaller was able to light the way with the flame he had summoned to cover his sword. Although Axonn had warned them that they would be going through a maze of tunnels, they had yet to see any diverging paths, and they hoped it would stay that way for a while.

“Stay together,” cautioned Jaller. “We don't know what's down here, so it's best we stay alert.”

The gang huddled together in the middle of the traveling group, making sure they had Toa on all sides. “I sure hope this is worth it,” muttered Cera.

“There's no doubt that it will be,” responded Nuparu, who was walking at the front with Jaller. “Mata Nui's life depends on us getting that mask.”

“I still don't get why that one mask is so important to this universe,” continued Cera.

“Trust me, little Threehorn, you'll never understand the Mask of Life,” said Kongu, who was guarding the rear with Hewkii. “At least, not like I do now.”

“I'm just glad we got the mask away from Vezon,” said Matoro. “I don't know what he'll do next, but at least he won't be anywhere near as powerful as he was before.”

Chomper clenched his fists at the very mention of the seventh Piraka. “I still hate him for what he did to me,” he grumbled.

“So, Chomper... what was it like to be split in two?” asked Littlefoot, hoping to understand why the little Sharptooth was holding so tightly to such a grudge.

“You do not have to answer if you do not want to,” assured Ducky, understanding that it would be a sensitive subject. “Oh no, no, no.”

“No, you guys need to know,” replied Chomper, reluctantly. “He may not have the mask, but he still has that spear, so he can still do something like that to us.”

“Let's just hope he doesn't decide to quick-follow us down here,” added Kongu.

Chomper took a moment to compose himself, since it was indeed a sensitive subject for him. “It felt... strange,” began Chomper. “Since I'm now fused back together, I remember what it was like to be both of them. The nicer one never stood a chance against the meaner one. It's not that the nicer me didn't want to fight back, but that I just couldn't. That urge to fight and protect myself... it just wasn't there anymore. It felt like half of me was just... missing.”

“What about the other half?” asked Cera. “What was the meaner Chomper like?”

Chomper shuddered at merely thinking about it. “Madness,” he replied. “Just madness. I do not want to ever be like that Chomper.”

“Don't worry, little guy,” assured Hewkii. “You can count on us to make sure that doesn't happen again.”

Chomper looked up and smiled at the Toa of Stone. He was glad to have friends like the Toa Inika.
________

A few minutes later, the group was still walking down the same dark tunnel. Suddenly, everyone heard a faint noise, like something relatively small and metallic hitting the stone that made up the tunnel walls. “What was that?” Cera quickly asked.

The six Toa Inika immediately raised their weapons and started to look around for the source of the noise. The gang stood close to the Toa.

Chomper sniffed the air a little in hopes of figuring out what could be nearby.

“What is it, Chomper?” asked Ruby.

“I don't know,” answered Chomper after a few more sniffs. “There's something down here, but I don't know what it is.”

Ducky was feeling very nervous and began to slowly back up. Suddenly, a long narrow object flew through the air right in front of her nose and embedded itself in the nearby stone. Ducky screamed as she jumped back from the near miss, then ran back to her friends huddled in the middle.

The Toa turned to where Ducky had been and saw a crude spear stuck into the stone wall. They heard more of the faint clanging noise, before a few more spears flew through the air. All of the Toa had dodged at just the right moment to avoid every one of those spears.

“Who's there!” demanded Jaller, holding up his flaming sword in anticipation of a battle. “Show yourselves!”

Finally, a creature stepped forward enough so that everyone could see it in the light of Jaller's flame. It was definitely a thing of nightmares. It had a long mouth full of sharp teeth, a hunched back, and a long tail. Its appearance could only be described as a horribly disfigured Fast Biter. In its clawed hands, it was grasping a crude dagger and another of those spears. It was currently showing an expression of pure hate. Its glowing red eyes were filled with madness at an unimaginable extreme. Whatever this thing was, one thing was clear: it wanted them dead.

“Whaó What is that thing?” asked Littlefoot nervously.

The creature immediately threw the spear in its hand, but Jaller was able to deflect it with his sword.

“I don't know,” replied Jaller, “but one thing is certain: it's not friendly.”

Terrifying as that creature was, it was not alone. A few more creatures like it stepped out of the shadows. Their tight grips on their spears and daggers showed that they were ready to fight.

“Correction: they're not friendly,” added Hewkii.

As the creatures charged, Jaller shouted, “Get back, kids!” Littlefoot and the others did as they were told without hesitation.

Not wasting any time to make sure the young dinosaurs were okay, Jaller unleashed a blast of flame that was aimed at the ground in front of the creatures, hoping to spook them off. It had no effect at all.

Hahli stepped forward and unleashed a torrent of water at their foes. The creatures were thrown back and off their feet, but resumed their attack just as quickly.

Next, Hewkii and Nuparu combined their elemental attacks to bury the creatures with stone from above and earth from below. They didn't stay buried for long. They quickly pulled themselves out from beneath the rubble and resumed their attack.

Meanwhile, Chomper noticed something in the air and sniffed it to get a better idea what it was. His expression showed that things were about to get worse. “There's more of them coming!” he exclaimed.

Matoro heard the warning and decided to take immediate action. The creatures were about to throw their weapons when the Toa of Ice froze them all on the spot.

“Hey! It was my turn!” complained Kongu.

“You heard what Chomper said,” countered Matoro. “There's more coming, so we'd better get out of here fast!”

“He's right, let's go!” ordered Jaller. The others didn't hesitate to follow the Toa of Fire as he ran further down the tunnel.

They had run for only a few more seconds when Nuparu suddenly spoke up. “Two paths up ahead,” he observed with his night vision in the dark tunnel ahead. “We'd better choose fast: left or right?”

The group came to a stop in front of the two tunnels. They both looked the same on the outside, and it was way too dark to see where they led. With those disfigured creatures right behind them, they didn't have much time to choose.

“I say we go this way,” Cera quickly said before taking the tunnel on the right.

“Cera, wait!” exclaimed Littlefoot, but it was too late to change the Threehorn's mind.

“Too late,” muttered Kongu as he followed Cera. Still in a sense of emergency, everyone else soon followed.
________

“Ugh, how the Karzahni did we end up in this mess?” asked Hewkii, irritated.

The tunnel they had chosen to take seemed fine at first, but as they walked further, it began to wind around and take all kinds of sharp turns. Even worse, it just kept getting smaller and smaller until, eventually, they had reached a point where they just couldn't go any further. They were now literally stuck with their bodies contorted in all kinds of awkward angles.

“Don't look at me. I'm not the one who decided to start order-giving without second thoughts,” grumbled Kongu, who was on his back with his shoulders wedged between the floor and ceiling, which had suddenly gotten much lower at this point along the tunnel.

“Hey, I didn't heard anyone else coming up with a plan!” retorted Cera, who had somehow managed to get her neck stuck between two rocks in a way that left her body dangling. Her neckshield prevented her from falling through the gap.

“Actually, Cera, you really didn't give anyone a chance to come up with another plan,” pointed out Chomper, who was sitting on a small ledge ahead of Cera where the floor had gotten too steep for him to climb any further.

“That is right, Cera. It is, it is,” agreed Ducky, who was sitting on a similar ledge just below Chomper.

“Though you have to admit, we were kind of in a rush,” said Littlefoot, who was stuck behind Cera because, due to his size, he couldn't fit through the gap in the rocks. His head and neck were sticking out through the gap, while the rest of his body felt squeezed. Despite their problems, he and his friends had managed to make it further than the Toa Inika, even though it wasn't by much distance.

“Right, we were more worried about getting away from those... whatever those things were, and not as worried about getting lost or stuck like this,” added Ruby, who had wedged herself between the floor and very low ceiling in her attempt to follow Chomper and Ducky.

“Ruby right,” agreed Petrie. Although he was capable of going further along the incredibly narrow tunnel, he was too scared to leave the group.

“Besides, those two tunnels looked the same to me,” finished Cera.

“Well, maybe if you had taken some advice from someone who knows about tunnels, we wouldn't be stuck in this predicament in the first place!” exclaimed Nuparu from the back of the group, frustrated that it was simply too risky to just blast a new tunnel with his weapon. He was stuck with torso forward and his legs up.

“Everyone, just relax!” demanded Jaller, who was stuck behind Kongu with everything but his legs in positions that left his movements very restricted. “Obviously, we can't keep going down this tunnel. We'll have to backtrack and take the other tunnel. Petrie, fly back and make sure the path is still clear.”

“Me no know about that, but me go quick-look,” replied Petrie uneasily as he flew past the Toa and back the way they came.

Meanwhile, everyone tried their best to back out of the positions they were stuck in, but for many of them, it was proving to be extremely difficult. “You know, Jaller, I think we can count ourselves lucky if we can even move at all,” said Hahli, who was stuck on her back with her legs down and her arms up. She was right behind Jaller and ahead of Hewkii.

Within seconds, everyone faintly heard the familiar noise of spears striking stone. That was immediately followed by Petrie's panicked screaming as he quickly flew back forward through the tunnel, stopping only when he grasped tightly onto Nuparu's arm. “No good! Evil-bad monsters back there!” he quickly blurted out in panic.

“Great!” shouted Hewkii, slamming his weapon against the stone floor in frustration. Unlike the other Toa, he had some room to move his arms around in, even though the rest of his body was still wedged between the floor and low ceiling. “Can't go forward, can't go backward, we're stuck here!”

“I wouldn't be too sure of that,” said Chomper. “If it was a Sharptooth back there, he'll eventually give up to find easier food. Those things can't wait for us back there forever, right?”

“I suppose that makes sense, Chomper,” said Jaller, “but just to be sure... Kongu, use your mask power on those creatures.”

“Anything to keep my mind off of this view,” grumbled Kongu. In front of his face was Spike's rear end, the result of Spike getting stuck ó for not the first time in his life ó in a passage too small for his massive body.

As he closed his eyes, all Kongu could “hear” at first were the thoughts of the gang and the other Toa. He concentrated on the direction where he thought those creatures might be. After drowning out the thoughts of the others, he managed to pick up something else. As he focused on that particular mind, he was quickly horrified by the amount of savagery he was being exposed to. After gathering only what he felt was the most important information, he immediately broke contact. He gasped as he opened his eyes. Seeing Spike's posterior again, he said, “Okay, I stand corrected.”

“What did you find?” asked Matoro, who was between Hewkii and Nuparu and was stuck with his torso down and his legs bent forward.

Kongu shuddered at thoughts he had just been exposed to. The minds of those things were even worse than Vezok's mind, and that was saying something. “I don't think they'll quick-leave anytime soon,” replied Kongu. “They are ever-desperate to hunt us all down, and I mean to the death.”

“Why would they want to do that?” asked Littlefoot. “We never did anything to them.”

“They call themselves Zyglak,” added Kongu.

“Oh... now it all makes sense,” Hahli quietly said to herself.

“What did you say?” asked Jaller.

“I've heard about the Zyglak, but I wasn't sure if what we saw was really them.”

“Oh really?” asked Cera. “How do you know all of this?”

“I was the Chronicler when we returned to Metru Nui. Turaga Whenua once showed me around the ruins of the Archives in Onu-Metru. I found a lot of old tablets, and figured they might hold some valuable information, so I read as many of them as I could in what little available time I had. One of them described the Zyglak tribes. They were created back in the early days of this universe. Actually, they were never meant to exist in the first place, for they came into being from the same material that made the Krana.”

“What are Krana?” asked Littlefoot. He had heard of them, but was struggling to remember everything the Toa Nuva had told him and his friends a few days ago.

“They're mask-like creatures that power the Bohrok,” answered Jaller. “Back on the island of Mata Nui, Makuta once unleashed a massive swarm of them that would stop at nothing to destroy the entire island.”

“Anyway,” continued Hahli, “while the Krana were created to serve a purpose, the Zyglak were an accidental creation, and therefore the Great Beings had no use for them. The Zyglak were shunned by all the other species. Eventually, they grew to despise the Matoran, who they believed had taken what they thought should be their place in the universe. They have been out for revenge against the Matoran and anyone associated with the Great Spirit ever since.”

Everyone was silent for a few seconds to process the shocking information. Finally, Ruby said, “Well, I guess that means we really are not going anywhere, because those... Zyglak... will never let us go anywhere.”

“What do we do now?” asked Ducky in fear.

“That does it!” exclaimed Hewkii. “I may not endorse cheating, but in this case, I'll make an exception.” The Toa Inika of Stone raised his laser axe and prepared to strike the stone on his right.

“Wait!” shouted Hahli, making Hewkii freeze his movement. “Remember, we could be underwater by this point. If you smash the wrong wall, we'll all drown.”

“Honestly, Hewkii, there's a reason you haven't seen me try to drill through this rock,” added Nuparu.

Hewkii slammed his weapon down on the floor for a third time and shouted, “Great! Now I can't even smash my way out!”

“Actually, Hewkii, maybe we can,” said Matoro. “The trick is to know which wall to smash. I'll be right back.” He then triggered his Kanohi mask power, separating his spirit from his body so that he could freely observe the tunnels in the Cord without being restricted by the stone.

Hewkii looked back at the limp body of the Toa Inika of Ice and muttered, “I hate it when he does that.”

Less than a minute later, Matoro's body jerked as if he just woke up, signaling that his spirit had come back to his body. “Don't smash the wall, Hewkii,” he warned. “There's water on the other side.”

“So much for smashing our way out,” said Cera as she rolled her eyes.

“But you can smash the floor,” continued Matoro. “There's a big, wide tunnel on the other side.”

“Good enough for me,” said Hewkii with enthusiasm. He raised his laser axe as he began to focus his elemental power into it. Finally, he brought the weapon down with all of his force onto the stone floor. The floor was quickly reduced to rubble, sending the Toa Inika of Stone plummeting into the tunnel beyond. He soon hit the floor of the other tunnel. As he stood up, he muttered to himself, “That's the last time I'll listen to Cera if this is where the other tunnel led to.”

“Brace yourself, Matoro!” shouted Nuparu. Hewkii looked up just in time to see part of the ceiling blow apart, followed by Toa Nuparu and Toa Matoro falling into the tunnel. As the Toa of Earth stood up with a smile on his face, he held up his laser drill and said, “Now that's what I call breaking and entering.”

Matoro rubbed his head as he stood up. “Yeah, but think we should try something different to get the others out,” suggested the Toa Inika of Ice. “The kids aren't as tough as we are.”

“Not a problem,” said Hewkii as he raised his weapon. He focused his elemental power on the stone ceiling, causing it to gradually rip open. After Hahli, Jaller, Kongu, and Spike had fallen through, Matoro and Nuparu ran over to catch the rest of the group as they fell, making sure they had a soft landing.

After Nuparu set her down, Cera exclaimed to Hewkii, “A little warning would have been nice!”

Spike, realizing that he might be sitting on something, stood up and turned around to face Kongu, still on his back. The Toa of Air glared at him and muttered, “You never make life easy for anyone, do you?”

Toa Jaller stood up and reignited the flame around his sword. The light from the flame showed the tunnel to be much more spacious than any other they had come across so far.

“Much better,” said Ruby as she stretched out her limbs.

“This tunnel is much much better. Yep, yep, yep!” agreed Ducky.

“It good to be out of that ever-cramped twisty tunnel,” added Petrie.

“But still, shouldn't we do something about this?” asked Littlefoot, looking at what was left of the smaller tunnel. “What if those... Zyglak are able to follow us?”

“Don't worry, I've got it covered,” said Hewkii, already preparing to put his elemental powers over stone to work again. Everyone stood back as the rubble was raised off of the floor and stuffed into the opening of the smaller tunnel, blocking off the path the group had taken. “There. Now they won't suspect that we broke out.”

“Let's hope it stays that way,” said Jaller as he began to walk in the same direction the group had been going in the other tunnel. The others soon followed him. Despite their hopes, this was only the beginning of the hazards they would face in the Cord.
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Read and review, as always. Considering the canon events I have to work with, the next chapter should be even more interesting than this one.

Here are the images of everything first seen in this chapter:
Zyglak

[Pangaea]

Once again I am compelled to tell you how sorry I am for my horrendously undependable reviewing habits. I am also sorry that you have not received any other reviews in the past month and a half (I can’t help but feel like you’re relying on me for all your feedback, and which makes me feel even worse for failing to provide it. )


Chapter 21

I’ll admit I was a little thrown by the characters’ visit to the Matoran village at the beginning of this chapter, because for some reason I had interpreted the ending scene of the last chapter as the gang’s farewell to the residents of Voya Nui. After rereading it, however, I don’t know why I thought that. (Maybe it was Tahu’s parting line to them. I keep forgetting which character is whom, and I think I forgot that he was a Toa Nuva, not one of the Voya Nui Matoran the gang befriended.)

I liked the way you had Nuparu explain “pressure sickness” to the others, and why it would have killed the Matoran who came from the underwater village. (So it’s possible for creatures?) Personally, I’d imagine that the gang would have a little difficulty grasping the concept that air exerts pressure (as in Nuparu’s mine analogy), but I agree that water pressure is something they would understand fairly easily, seeing as they’ve all been acquainted with it at one time or another.

No offense, though, but a lot of the other lines in the conversation, however, felt a little bit awkward…clichÈd…repetitive…like conversations we’ve heard several times already. Most of the lines in the following segments felt this way to me:

“So...” began Littlefoot, “what do you think is next for us?”

“I honestly don't know what to expect,” admitted Matoro.

“But there is one thing we can be sure of,” added Cera. “If we're going to get that mask, we're going to have to go underwater, and let's face it, some of us aren't going to like that.”

“Couldn't agree more,” responded Hewkii with a shudder.

“That may be inevitable, but maybe there is a way down without getting wet,” said Jaller. “Perhaps that's the path that Axonn has offered to show us.”

“I guess we'll just have to wait and see,” said Chomper.

“Me just hope nothing evil-bad down there,” said Petrie worriedly.

“In this universe, that's just too much to hope for,” replied Hewkii.

“I agree,” added Nuparu. “At the very least, we should hope that we can take on anything that might stand in our way.”

“Regardless, we should be prepared for anything,” warned Jaller. “They might not be friendly to outsiders, or might not even remember Voya Nui at all. My point is that with the stakes this high, we can't be too careful with anything.”

“I just hope those Matoran can find the Mask of Life before something else does,” said Cera.

“Me not want to think what that something else could be,” added Petrie worriedly.

Spike nervously nodded in agreement.

“But if something unfriendly does find it, we'll just have to take it from their dirty hands,” said Hewkii.

“Right, because that's what Toa-heroes do,” boasted Kongu. “We quick-save Matoran from danger.”

“Only this time, it's an entire universe of Matoran whose lives depend on us,” added Matoro.

“And wherever you must go and whatever you must do to save this universe, we will always be there to help you save this universe,” said Ruby.

“Yeah, you can count on us!” assured Littlefoot.

“We certainly appreciate your help,” said Nuparu. “I just hope we can overcome anything that might stand in our way.”

“We will have to do everything we can,” said Jaller. “The fate of the Matoran universe is in our hands.”

“What if we do not succeed?” asked Ducky.

Jaller was silent for a few seconds before he finally said with determination, “We must succeed.”

I can’t explain why I thought these parts of the conversation sounded triteóit would be that it’s just me. It just feels like there’s already been a lot of scenes like this just before the characters take on a dangerous task or enter an uncertain situation, where similar things are said (sometimes stating facts that should frankly be obvious to the readers and the characters). Out of the above excerpts, Hewkii’s line, “But if something unfriendly does find it, we'll just have to take it from their dirty hands” stands out to me as being a lot better than the others, maybe because it has more “personality”; it feels distinctly like something that character would say. Most of the other lines could be switched to more or less any other Toa or dinosaur in the scene (for several, it wouldn’t even matter which of the two universes the speaker came from), and there would be no discernable difference. I think I may be drifting slightly from the subject I was originally commenting on, :unsure: but what I’m saying is that in conversations like this one, you have a lot of different characters speaking, but apart from the ones who have specific overall speech patterns like Kongu, Petrie, and Ducky, there’s almost no difference between the ways different characters speak. One could just as easily imagine a line spoken by Littlefoot as being spoken by Jaller; the dialogue doesn’t do much to reflect the varying personalities of the characters. This isn’t to say that everything Cera says has to sound overtly stubborn, surly, or impetuous, or that all of Ducky’s lines have to include one of her catchphrases, but I think the dialogue in this story would be a lot more interesting if the characters’ lines reflected the subtle differences in speech habits everyone has. For instance, even if two characters have a “perfect” standard grasp of English, there are bound to be slight differences in their respective vocabularies; words one character will use that the other won’t. It helps be to imagine each line being spoken aloud in the voice of the character in question, to see if the words being used sound “right” for them. This may be even more important for your Bionicle characters than for the gang. For anyone reading this story who hasn’t seen the movies, I’m guessing it’s very difficult to discern differences in the Bionicle characters’ personalities and identities from their dialogue alone (Kongu’s Le-Matoran speak notwithstanding); it certainly is for me. Of course, it’s one thing for me to suggest this to you as a means of improving your story; it’s infinitely more difficult to actually implement it in your writing. I just thought I’d bring it up. Sorry if I’m putting excessive pressure and criticism on you and your story. :unsure:

The rain had completely stopped by the time the group of Toa and young dinosaurs had arrived at the Matoran village.

Remove “had”.

“Let's assume for a moment that there really is a city at the bottom of the sea. Now let's assume that Matoran came from that city. If he were to have swam from down there all the way to the surface, that could have been lethal for him.”

Should be “swum”.

I almost forgot; I’m impressed by how little text you borrowed for this chapter. And I like the way you reworded the paragraph about Axonn’s digging of the pit.


Chapter 22

I really liked the opening conversation in this chapter. This one felt a lot more “real” compared to the last one I critiqued, and was so much more entertaining. Cera, Ducky, Littlefoot, and Chomper’s lines had so much more life to them. (Honestly, reading those two conversations consecutively within a short time frame was like taking a breath of fresh air after stepping out of a musty cellar. Character-distinctive speech traits in dialogue make that much difference, at least to me.)
 For some reason I couldn’t help but chuckle at Littlefoot’s line, “So, Chomper... what was it like to be split in two?”. Oh, poor Chomper. His explanation of what it was likeóhaving separate memories from two different versions of himselfówas excellent as well.

“I don't know, but one thing is certain: it's not friendly.”

Who was it, specifically, who spoke this line?

A few more of those creatures stepped out of the shadows.

There’s something about the use of “those” that doesn’t feel right here. I would change the highlighted portion to “creatures like it”.

I liked how you cut from the scene where the group chooses a tunnel to the point where they’re all stuck. There was also something refreshing about seeing the group getting in an argument. Beforehand, there’d hardly been any disagreements among them, unless you count the Toa ordering the gang to stay behind, and after so many conversations with pretty much everyone agreeing on their next course of action and their dedication to the cause at hand, this scene contributed some much-needed variety to the group dynamic. The descriptions of the characters’ positions were also quite amusing hilarious, and helped a lot in visualizing the scene.

“Though you have to admit, we were kind of in a rush,” said Littlefoot, who was stuck behind Cera because, for his size, he couldn't fit through the gap in the rocks. His head and neck was sticking out through the gap, while the rest of his body felt squeezed.

I would change “for” to “due to”, and “was” should be “were”.

“Honestly, Hewkii, there's a reason you haven't seen me try to drill through this rock,” added Nuapru.

Typo in Nuparu’s name.

I hope you don’t mind me thinking out loud a little, but at first I thought it was a little odd that the Zyglak didn’t try to follow the group down the tunnel, since they must have known they’d be trapped. Then it occurred to me that if they had followed, they would have risked becoming stuck themselves (how big are the Zyglak, by the way?), and if the Toa had tried to fight back in the enclosed space, they might accidentally breach the walls of the tunnel and drown them all (though maybe the Zyglak didn’t know about the water outside any more than the gang did). By simply blocking the way back and trapping them there, the Zyglak would ensure that their victims either suffered a slow, torturous death wedged in the tunnel, or that they would eventually try to return the way they came, allowing the Zyglak to kill them themselves. Fortunately for the gang, they apparently didn’t take breaking into the subjacent tunnel into account.

Overall, I enjoyed this chapter a lot. (I daresay it’s one of my favorites so far, if not my most favorite.) It was extremely entertaining/funny, I found the Zyglak very interesting, and I love that it was entirely original material. I hope you write more chapters like this.

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: I guess chapter 21 ended up being more like a filler chapter, since I didn't want the scenes at the end of chapters 20 and 21 to be on the same chapter. Next time I end up with a chapter like that, I'll focus more on quality than on reaching some minimum length. I'm glad you liked chapter 22, but I have a feeling you'll like the next one even more.

Here's the next chapter, featuring the return of one of my favorite Bionicle characters.

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Chapter 23
Failed Revenge

The group of Toa and young dinosaurs continued their journey down the Cord to find the Mask of Life. The massive tunnel had now shrunk to an average size ó still comfortably large, but small enough to keep everyone cautious. After narrowly escaping the Zyglak, nobody knew just what else could be hiding in the twisted tunnels.

All of the six Toa Inika held their weapons at the ready, anticipating the threat of an ambush. Toa Kongu was using his Kanohi mask power to scan for the thoughts of anyone besides his teammates. Eventually, he managed to detect something. They were sinister thoughts, and the being they belonged to was approaching the group.

“Hold it, everyone,” said Kongu as he immediately stopped walking. Everyone stopped and turned to face Kongu.

“What is it?” asked Jaller.

“We're being quick-followed,” answered Kongu.

“By who?” asked Littlefoot, cautiously.

Kongu didn't respond. Instead, he quickly turned back and fired his laser crossbow, resulting in a brief clanging noise. Everyone immediately looked back and saw a certain seventh Piraka, looking down at his weapon on the ground.

The Piraka glanced at the group before reaching down to pick up his weapon. With the spear back in his grasp, he turned his attention back to the others. “Surpriiiiiise!” he exclaimed in a sing-song voice. “I'm baaaaaack!”

“Vezon,” growled Chomper, his fists clenched tightly in anger.

“What are you doing here?” demanded Hewkii.

“I'm here to take back what you stole from me!” responded Vezon, before Kongu fired his laser crossbow again, shooting the Spear of Fusion out of his hand. Vezon glanced at the Toa Inika of Air before picking up his weapon again.

“If you want the Mask of Life, then all I can say is tough luck!” taunted Cera. “We don't have it right now.”

“Ah, but you know where it is, right?” responded Vezon. “Why else would you be in a place like this?” He then raised the Spear of Fusion threateningly. “Now tell me where the mask is, and nobody gets turned into a monster.”

Kongu fired his laser crossbow again, shooting the spear out of Vezon's hand yet again. This time, Vezon glared at him and exclaimed, “Stop doing that!”

“I will... if you turn around and quick-return to Voya Nui,” said Kongu.

Vezon picked up the Spear of Fusion, yet again. “Not likely,” he smirked.

“Don't you realize the odds are against you, this time?” said Matoro. “Without the Mask of Life, you'reó”

The Toa Inika of Ice was cut off by Vezon suddenly tackling him. The seventh Piraka then grabbed his head and slammed it against the wall of the tunnel. “You stole my mask!” he exclaimed, before slamming Matoro's head against the wall again. “You took away my powers!” He slammed Matoro's head again. “And made my pet run away, too!” Immediately after slamming Matoro's head a fourth time, a large chunk of the wall flew off and slammed into Vezon's face, sending the Piraka to the floor.

Ruby ran over to Matoro and asked, “Are you okay, Matoro?”

Matoro rubbed his head as he muttered, “I'll be fine.”

Toa Hewkii looked down at Vezon's unconscious body sprawled out on the floor of the tunnel. “There, that shut him up,” he said with satisfaction.

Nuparu patted the Toa of Stone on the back and said, “Nice work, Hewkii. That'll show that pest why he shouldn't mess with Toa after losing his powers.”

Littlefoot ó who had also checked to make sure Matoro was okay ó looked back and saw Chomper with his hands on the Spear of Fusion, trying to pry it out of Vezon's hand. “Chomper? What are you doing?” he asked the little Sharptooth.

Chomper's expression remained as furious as ever. “I'm going to make him pay for what he did to me,” he replied. Being so little, he struggled to even lift the weapon off the floor.

Ruby turned her attention to Chomper. As his caretaker, she felt that it was her duty to talk him out of such madness. “Chomper, you don't have to do this,” said Ruby. “Vezon is already defeated, so that is something you should not have to do.”

“Besides, Vezon already knows what it's like to be split apart,” reminded Littlefoot. “Remember, he used to be part of Vezok.”

“He's right, Chomper,” added Hahli. “There's nothing to be gained from turning that weapon against him.”

Chomper stood still for a moment, debating in his mind whether or not he should follow his friends' advice. Despite his intense hatred of the seventh Piraka, he concluded that they were right. Vezon was already down and out; there was no need to be vengeful and mutilate his body. Reluctantly, he let go of the spear.

With that issue over with, Jaller pointed his sword down the tunnel and said, “Now let's get out of here before he wakes up.”

Everyone silently agreed and began to follow the Toa of Fire. Hahli had only gone two steps when she suddenly felt someone grab her ankle and throw her backwards, away from the group. The others looked back to see Vezon tackling Hahli before holding her in front on his body as a hostage.

“Too late, Toa!” taunted the seventh Piraka. “I'm already set for round two!”

“Get your hands off her!” demanded Jaller.

“And why should I?” questioned Vezon. “After all, this Toa has a mask power that can take me to the Mask of Life.”

Having dropped her weapon when she was thrown back, Hahli struggle to free herself. “If that's all you want, why don't you just take my mask and run off!?” asked Hahli, hoping for a way out of this situation unharmed.

“Ah, but where's the fun in that?” continued Vezon. “I have my eyes on more than just your mask. I'm also in need of some new powers, and I know just how to take them.” He then spun the spear in his hand so that it was now pointed at himself, as well as his hostage.

Jaller quickly realized what Vezon was trying to do. If Vezon fused himself with Hahli, he would gain her mask power and elemental powers. Jaller glared at the Piraka and exclaimed, “You wouldn't dare!”

“Watch me,” mocked Vezon. Before he could make another move, he was suddenly hit in the head by a large rock that was hurled at him, sending him down onto his back. Hahli immediately dove for her weapon and rejoined the others.

“Yeah!” cheered Hewkii. “Two points for Hewkii!”

Vezon quickly jumped back to his feet. “Ten points for Vezon!” he retorted as he began to power up the Spear of Fusion. He then felt some added weight on the spear, causing him to lose his balance and fall over. Once he stood back up, he saw what the problem was: the spear and his entire right arm now had a thick coating of ice, courtesy of Toa Matoro. “What an inconvenience,” he muttered.

As soon as Vezon turned his attention back to the Toa, Toa Kongu unleashed a large gust of wind that sent the Piraka flying back through the tunnel. Once he finally came to a stop, Vezon jumped back to his feet again and ran back to the Toa. By the time he was only a few bio away from them, he was brought to a sudden ó and painful ó stop when Toa Nuparu thrust forward a wall of earth. The impact sent the Piraka hard onto his back. Despite all of the pounding he just took, Vezon was able to remain conscious ó though he could do little more than groan in pain on the ground.

“Jeez, does that guy not know when to give up?” said Cera, saying what was on everyone's minds at that particular moment.

As he watched Vezon slowly stand back up, Jaller knew he had to come up with a plan. Cera's right, Vezon certainly doesn't want to go down without a fight, thought Jaller. With the Zyglak possibly behind us, we can't afford to waste any more time stopping just one Piraka. He may not have many powers left, but he still has that Spear of Fusion. I have to get it out of his hands, and make sure he doesn't get it back.

Once Vezon was finally back on his feet, he shook his head to clear away his dazed state. He looked down at his still-frozen arm before slamming it against the wall of the tunnel, shattering the ice. Vezon tapped his chin in thought as he said, “Hm, now where was I? Oh yes! Now I remember! Okay, Toa, time toó”

“Drop it!” shouted Jaller, pointing his sword at the Spear of Fusion, where he began to concentrate his elemental power.

Vezon quickly felt the spear in his hand begin to heat up. Within seconds, the spear had gotten so unbearably hot that he was forced to let go of it. “YEOW!!” he shouted, shaking his hand around in pain. “Hot! Hot! Hot!” He then jumped back as the spear was suddenly engulfed in flames from Jaller's sword.

“This weapon will never harm another being again!” declared Jaller as he continued to fire a jet of flame directly at the spear on the ground. Eventually, the Toa of Fire ceased the inferno. All that was left of the Spear of Fusion was a pile of ashes.

“Noooooo!” shouted Vezon as he fell to his knees. “The last of my powers! And it's gone! Gone!”

“How pathetic,” muttered Cera as she and her friends watched the Piraka sob over the remains of his weapon.

“Nice work, Jaller,” said Chomper with satisfaction, looking up at the Toa of Fire. “Now he'll never be able to do bad things with that spear ever again.”

“Too bad he's now stuck without things Vezok has, like his sanity,” said Littlefoot, starting to feel a little sympathetic for the now-powerless Piraka.

“Oh yeah?” threatened Vezon as he stood up and began to slowly walk towards the kids. “How about I show you what having no sanity can do to you!?”

Hewkii immediately grabbed Vezon by the neck and shoved him against the wall of the tunnel. “Enough with the insanity,” he said with mild annoyance. “You've said it yourself: You're powerless. You're nothing. What can you possibly do to stop us?”

Vezon struggled within the tight grip of the Toa Inika of Stone. “Hm, I don't know. Maybe you should ask them,” he said casually with a glance to the side.

Hewkii and the others turned to see who Vezon was talking about, and immediately wished they hadn't. Standing in the middle of the tunnel in the direction the group had come from were a few Zyglak, armed and ready to fight.

“Uh-oh. They followed us,” said Littlefoot, his voice filled with dread.

“And they're not going anywhere until we're all dead,” finished Matoro.

“In that case, they can start with this one,” said Hewkii, before flinging Vezon towards the Zyglak.

Vezon landed right in front of the Zyglak. He looked up to see spears and daggers pointed at his face. He immediately jumped to his feet and held up his hands in defense. “Whoa! Hey! You don't want to hurt me! I'm on your side!” he quickly pleaded.

The Zyglak gave him questioning looks, as if it wasn't a response any of them had expected.

Vezon quickly realized things were starting to turn in his favor, and he intended to take full advantage of it. “That's right! I despise Mata Nui!” he continued, as if to advertise himself. “But they...” He gestured towards the group of Toa and young dinosaurs. “They worship him with their very lives. If there's anybody in this tunnel that you should kill today, it should be them, and not me.” Vezon crossed his arms in satisfaction, confident that these savage creatures would fall for his wit and charm.

“Us doomed,” said Petrie flatly with pessimism.

The Zyglak looked at one another before finally making their move. Two of them reached forward and grabbed Vezon by the arms.

“What? Hey!” exclaimed Vezon as the Zyglak began to drag him away. “I said take them! Not me! Them! Not me! Not MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

As the Zyglak vacated the tunnel, the others could only stare in shock at what they just witnessed. “Didn't quick-see that coming,” said Kongu.

After a few seconds of silence, Hewkii finally suggested, “Let's run away before they come back.”

As one, everyone quickly turned around and rushed further down the tunnel.
________

Once again, the group was forced to come to a stop when they encountered another divergence in the tunnel. “Which way do we go this time?” asked Ducky.

“Well, going right turned out to be bad last time, so let's go left,” suggested Cera, already starting for the left tunnel.

“Oh no you don't!” exclaimed Hewkii as he grabbed Cera by the tail and roughly dragged her back to the others. “We're done taking orders from you,” he scolded.

Cera glared at the Toa of Stone and said, “Okay, Mr. Rock Head, which way do you think we should go?”

Ruby stepped in between the two and said, “Cera, Hewkii, please don't fight. Just because we don't know which way to go doesn't mean we need to fight each other over how we decide which way to go.”

“She's right, let's not waste any more time than we have to,” said Jaller. He turned to Matoro and said, “Use your mask power and scout ahead.”

“And make sure you can put us on the ever-quickest path,” added Kongu.

Matoro looked down the tunnels reluctantly before replying, “Okay, but if the Zyglak try to attack, grab my body and just run. I'll be back in a few minutes.” He then activated his mask power, releasing his spirit and causing his body to fall limp to the floor.

Everyone waited patiently for Matoro to return. A few minutes later, Matoro's body was reanimated, so they immediately assumed that he had returned from his scouting mission. “Which way, Matoro?” asked Jaller.

Matoro said nothing. He simply pointed toward the tunnel on the right.

“Ha! Told you so!” gloated Hewkii.

Cera simply looked down in frustration as she followed the others down the tunnel.

After walking just a few steps, Ruby looked up at Matoro and asked, “After we walk through this tunnel, what is the next tunnel we will have to walk through?”

Matoro seemed to ignore Ruby's question.

Hewkii glanced back at Matoro, then turned to Kongu and said, “Not much of a talker now, is he?”

Kongu turned back to Matoro as they continued walking. “Come on, has our ice friend suddenly become a real Ko-Matoran?” he joked. His face fell when he got no response. He turned forward and said, “I'll take that as a yes.”

Hewkii elbowed the Toa of Air and said, “I'm serious.” He glanced back at Matoro before turning his attention back to Kongu. “Something doesn't seem right.”

Littlefoot overheard the conversation, so he turned to Matoro and asked, “Are you okay, Matoro?”

Just seconds after that question was asked, the entire tunnel was suddenly plunged into darkness. “Light, please!” exclaimed Kongu, who assumed that Jaller's flame had simply gone out.

“My flame is on,” replied Jaller. “I can feel the heat, but... I can't see a thing.”

“Me, neither,” admitted Nuparu. “Something tells me this isn't natural.”

Everyone suddenly heard Hahli scream. “Someone just took my mask!” she exclaimed.

Everyone began muttering to each other as they began to panic. However, Hewkii was starting to see a connection between all of the strange things that were happening. The only problem was all of the noise that was now surrounding him. “Everyone, quiet! Quiet! QUIET!!” he shouted, finally bringing silence to the frightened group. “I think I know what's going on here,” he continued. “I just need toó Whoa!” he tripped over something and fell over.

“That was me,” admitted Cera. “Sorry.”

Hewkii stood back up and began to feel his way through the complete darkness. “Okay, let's see... That's Ruby right there, so that means... Aha! There you are!” Hewkii grabbed the being in front of him and shoved him back until he slammed into the wall of the tunnel.

The noise caught everyone by surprise. “What was that?” asked Chomper.

Hewkii ignored the little Sharptooth. “Quit hiding behind the shadows!” he exclaimed to the person he had pinned to the wall. “I know I've got you!”

“Who do you have?” asked Littlefoot.

A few seconds later, the cloak of shadows was lifted from the tunnel. Thanks to the light from Jaller's flame, everyone was now able to see who it was that Hewkii had pinned to the wall: Toa Matoro.

To say that Ruby was shocked by this sight would have been a huge understatement. “What are you doing!? Put him down!” she shouted, trying in vain to pull the Toa of Stone away from Matoro.

“Are you sure you got the right guy?” asked Cera with uncertainty.

“Oh, I'm sure of it, alright,” replied Hewkii. “Just look at what's in his hand.”

Everyone looked down and saw, in Matoro's left hand, Hahli's Kanohi mask.

“Matoro, how could you?” asked Hahli, devastated that her teammate would do such a thing.

“No!” exclaimed Ruby, now crying almost hysterically. “That can't be Matoro! The Matoro I know would never do what you're saying this Matoro just did!”

“You're right, Ruby,” said Hewkii, before turning to glare at the Toa of Ice in his grasp. “This is not Matoro.”

Kongu began to slowly back away as he said, “Okay, am I the only one here not going mad-crazy?”

“Relax, Kongu, I think it all makes sense now,” replied Jaller. “Matoro's Kanohi mask power can only separate his spirit from his body. It doesn't ensure that they can come back together. His spirit could still be scouting the tunnels up ahead, as we speak.”

“But if that's not Matoro's spirit inside his body... whose is it?” asked Littlefoot as he and the others slowly turned to look at who they had thought was Matoro. Everyone was getting a bad feeling about what the answer might be.

Once everyone's attention was focused on him, “Matoro's” eyes turned red. “It seems you are not as incompetent as I had expected.” he said. His voice was definitely not Matoro's, but one that was more dark and sinister.

Hahli gasped. “I... I recognize that voice,” she said in shock. “It's Makuta!”

The gang gasped in shock. They had encountered Makuta once back in their universe, so they knew who he was. Even though they had emerged victorious on that encounter, the gang still felt great fear at being face-to-face with him again.

“Wait, hold on!” exclaimed a very confused Kongu. “I thought he was crushed-flattened by that big door to Metru Nui!”

“Oh, you wish that were true, don't you?” replied Makuta through Matoro's body.

“Then how did you survive?” asked Nuparu.

Makuta chuckled before replying, “If I could be killed that easily, I would have been dead thousands of years ago, and many times over. All that door did was destroy my armor. Let's just say my species has evolved beyond the need of a body like this one.”

“If you don't need that body, then why don't you just leave it right now!?” said Hewkii, threateningly.

“I have my reasons,” Makuta simply said.

“Have you been following us this whole time?” asked Cera, finally working up the courage to say something to the Master of Shadows.

“In a way, yes,” replied Makuta, “though you may not have recognized me back at the Piraka Stronghold.”

“You mean... that virus the Piraka used to enslave the Matoran... that was you?” asked Nuparu.

“Kongu did say that stuff was alive,” Littlefoot pointed out. “I just never thought that it could have been Makuta, except... without a body.”

“I'd like to see this pest bodiless again,” taunted Hewkii to the “Toa” in his grasp.

“Matoro” glared at Hewkii. “You might want to reconsider your choice of words, Toa,” he said. Dark energies began to crackle in his right hand, ready to strike.

Hewkii moved quickly and managed to pin “Matoro's” right wrist against the wall in a painful position. “You might want to reconsider your choice of a body, Makuta,” retorted Hewkii. “You may be the Master of Shadows, but you're occupying a Toa's body, and you should know how easy it is to destroy one.”

The gang looked at each other in concern. “Uh, Hewkii, you're not really thinking about destroying Matoro's body... right?” asked Ruby, worriedly.

“The young one brings up a good point,” said Makuta. “No matter what you try, I will still be able to escape death. What do you have to gain from killing this body?”

“Only what you have to lose,” Kongu suddenly spoke up. “I have to admit, your mind is like an ever-strong fortress, but thanks to my mask power, I was able to quick-find one important fact: You need Matoro. Your ever-cluttered mind can't tell me why, but you need Matoro alive.”

“And if we destroy Matoro's body, we lose Matoro himself, and you lose a valuable key to your plans,” finished Jaller.

Hewkii grinned as he stared threateningly at Makuta in Matoro's body. “So you can leave under your own power, or we can force you out. What's it going to be?”

Nobody said a word. It was now a tense stand-off on whether or not Makuta would take their threat seriously. After more than a minute had passed, Makuta finally said, “Very well. You win this round, but this won't be the last you'll see of me. My plans are already laid out, and ultimate victory will be mine.” With those parting words, his red eyes went out and Matoro's body fell limp. Makuta was now bodiless again.

Now that Matoro's body was empty again, Hewkii loosened his grip and carefully set it down on the floor. Hahli also reached over to retrieve her mask.

“What now?” asked Petrie.

“We wait for Matoro to come back ó the real Matoro,” replied Jaller.

“Should we tell him about what happened to his body while he was away from his body?” asked Ruby.

“I don't know,” responded Cera, “how would you feel if you left your body for a while and later came back to it, only to find out that the biggest bad guy in the world had been using it for a few minutes?”

“I see what you mean,” said Ruby, looking down.

“Still, he's going to wonder why we're now in a different tunnel,” Nuparu pointed out.

“We'll just blame it on the Zyglak,” said Hewkii with a shrug. “It's as good a reason as any.”

Hahli, with her Kanohi mask back on, began looking around to find Matoro's spirit. “Well, at least he won't find out on his own,” she said. “I don't see Matoro anyó Oh, wait! Here he comes.”

Just seconds later, Matoro's eyes suddenly opened before he sat up on the ground. He looked around in confusion and asked, “Why did you guys go without my advice?”

“The Zyglak followed us again,” lied Jaller. “We managed to hold them off long enough to escape down this tunnel.”

“Well, at least you picked the right tunnel,” remarked Matoro as he began to stand up. “The other one wasó Ow!” He grabbed his right shoulder as he suddenly felt an awful pain in it, as if his right arm had been twisted in a way it shouldn't have been. “Okay, who was responsible for carrying my body?”

“That was my fault,” admitted Hewkii. “Sorry. I tend to be a little careless when I'm running for my life.”

“Well, let's just hope I don't have to use my mask power again,” said Matoro as he tried to shrug off the pain. “Alright, follow me.” He began to lead the group further down the tunnel.

Hoping to get a real answer this time, Ruby turned to Matoro and asked, “After we walk through this tunnel, what is the next tunnel we will have to walk through?”

“Somewhere up ahead, we need to take the tunnel on the left,” answered Matoro. “Further on, we need to take the one on the right. After that, well... I guess it doesn't matter which way we go. All of the tunnels start to weave through one another.”

“Something tells me things are about to get bad-worse,” grumbled Kongu.
-------

Read and review, as always. Don't worry, you haven't seen the last of Vezon. He'll show up again later on in this story, though it won't be for a while.

[Pangaea]

Whether I need to say it or not, I’m sorry for the ridiculous lateness of this review. This was definitely a pretty good chapter, though for some reason I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as the last one (Sorry to disappoint you, Chronicler :unsure:).

Cera glared at the Toa of Stone and said, “Okay, Mr. Rock Head, which way do you[II] think we should go?”

I loved this line. It’s hilarious to hear Cera using a Toa’s elemental nature as the basis for an insult.

The Toa Inika of Ice was cut-off by Vezon suddenly tackling him without warning.

Should be “cut off”, with no hyphen.

Nuparu pat the Toa of Stone on the back and said, “Nice work, Hewkii. That'll show that pest why he shouldn't mess with Toa after losing his powers.”

Should be “patted”.

Standing in the middle of the tunnel in the direction the group had come from were a few Zyglak, armed and ready to fight.

Should be “were”.

“Us doomed,” said Petrie pessimistically.

My other favorite line in the chapter. I especially liked it because I imagined Petrie saying it in a flat voice, rather than the shrill, panicked tone he usually uses when confronted with disaster. (I suspect that’s what you intended.)

“What? Hey!” exclaimed Vezon as he began to be dragged away by the Zyglak.

I’m not certain that this sentence is grammatically incorrect, but it sounds strange to me. Personally, I would change it to “as the Zyglak began to drag him away”.

You're ever-cluttered mind can't tell me why, but you need Matoro alive.

Should be “your”.

I’d be really interested to know why the Zyglak made the decision to take Vezon instead of the gang; did they go for him simply because he was a closer and easier target, and they still considered him an enemy on principle of being associated with Mata Nui (even if he claims to hate him), or is there a more complicated reason for it? I can imagine there being much more to the Zyglak and their backstory than what has been revealed so far, though I sadly doubt we’ll be seeing anything like that (I admit that I’ve already read a little more of the Bionicle Wiki than I probably should have if I’d wanted to avoid spoilers for this story ).

The scene where Matoro is possessed by Makuta was another particularly notable scene in this chapter. In some ways I thought it was well done; I certainly wasn’t expecting Makuta to be the culprit. I think it could have been even more surprising, though, if the possession hadn’t been hinted at before the characters noticed something was wrong. Also, seeing as the LBT gang had had a memorable encounter with Makuta themselves in your last story, I think they should have reacted a bit more to meeting him again. On a different note, I have the suspicion that not telling Matoro about Makuta possessing him is going to come back to haunt the gang in one way or another. :unsure:

Good luck to you on writing the next chapter, Chronicler, and let’s hope that I can clean up my act a little by then, eh?

[The Chronicler]

Pangaea: To tell you the truth, I'm actually kind of glad you took a while to review that chapter. Nearly three months, and it was only last week that I finally finished writing the next chapter. It's not as long as the last few, but I've just not had a lot of free time lately to actually do the writing. In addition, the Bionicle Wiki had some issues about two months ago, where nearly all of their content disappeared. Fortunately, none of it was permanently lost, though there's still a lot left to re-upload, including many of the images I was hoping to link to for future chapters, (I don't need any for this chapter, but I will for the next chapter) so I'll need to be patient for that, as well.

Sorry for taking so long, but now I finally have the next chapter done. The gang and the Toa are about to enter a new region.

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Chapter 24
Running from Zyglak

The further the group went down the tunnels of the Cord, the more anxious they were to reach the end of it and get out. Of course, since they were heading to a place that was underwater, “getting out” was going to be a bit of a problem. With all of the trouble they had encountered so far, none of them had had the luxury to even think of a plan for what they would do once they got there.

For now, all they had were Matoro's directions. It wasn't long until the tunnel split in two directions again. Matoro reminded everyone to take the one on the left, so another needless argument was avoided.

The group had just reached the next divergence in the tunnel when they faintly heard the now-familiar noise of spears striking stone.

“Oh no!” exclaimed Littlefoot in panic. “They found us again!”

Everyone looked back in time to see three Zyglak come around a bend in the tunnel and charge at them. While the Toa stood their ground, the young dinosaurs turned forward and began to run further down the tunnel.

“Go right! Go right!” shouted Matoro.

The gang, who were about to unwittingly take the left tunnel, skidded to a halt and rushed into the right tunnel, silently thanking Matoro.

Toa Hewkii took immediate action and brought down parts of the stone ceiling onto the Zyglak. The creatures quickly shrugged it off and continued advancing.

“Mata Nui, what's it going to take to stop these guys?” wondered Hewkii, starting to lose his patience with the Zyglak.

“I don't think there is a way,” answered Nuparu. “We may have to just keep going and hold them off on the run.”

“Either way, we need to stay with the kids and make sure they're okay,” said Jaller, already beginning to follow the gang down the tunnel. The rest of the Toa soon followed. As they ran, one of the Toa would occasionally do whatever they could to at least stall the Zyglak to keep them away.

At one point, Hahli tripped. As she tried to get up, one Zyglak jumped towards her and managed to grab onto her leg. Hahli screamed as she felt a burning sensation all over the area of contact on her leg.

Toa Kongu moved quickly by pinning down Hahli with his weapon and unleashing a large gust of wind, hurling the Zyglak back up the tunnel.

Jaller, Ruby, and Cera rushed to Hahli's side. “Are you okay?” asked Jaller.

Hahli winced as the burning pain continued to take hold. “I forgot to mention their skin contains a virus that destroys organic material,” she said. “It spreads through contact, so it doesn't take much for it to start slowly killing you.”

Jaller and Kongu glanced down at Hahli's leg and saw the acid-like virus slowly eating away at the flesh. “There must be a quick-fix to this!” exclaimed Kongu, not wanting to lose a fellow Toa Inika.

Jaller sighed. There was a solution he knew of, but he also knew Hahli might not like it. “Please forgive me for this,” he said as he pointed his sword at the injured leg. He then scorched the affected area with a brief but strong flame. Hahli shouted in pain, but it was thankfully short-lived.

“What did you do that for!?” asked Cera in shock.

“If there's one thing fire can do to heal, it's destroy an infection,” replied Jaller. “I made sure everyone in the Guard knew of this, in the event of a worst case scenario.” As he looked down at Hahli's injured leg, he said to her, “I know it looks bad, but at least it shouldn't get any worse.”

“At least he was able to destroy that virus before it destroyed you,” added Ruby.

Hahli rubbed her injury and said, “Yes, that's true, though I don't think I'll be able to keep up with everyone.”

“Here, I'll help you,” said Jaller as he let Hahli put her arm around his shoulders so he could help her up to her feet. They knew the injury was going to slow everyone down, but at least they would be able to keep moving.

“We'd better quick-flee!” exclaimed Kongu, using his mask power. “They're coming back!”

As he helped Hahli limp her way down the tunnel, Jaller turned to Matoro and asked, “Which way do we go from here?”

Toa Matoro just shrugged and said, “I don't know. The tunnels just go all over the place from this point on.”

“But what are we supposed to do?” asked Chomper. “Now there's three tunnels in front of us.”

Jaller, Hahli, Kongu, and Matoro went around the next of many turns in the tunnel and saw what had made the rest of the group stop. Sure enough, the tunnel now diverged in three directions.

Hoping for a quick solution, Cera asked, “Hey, Matoro? Do you know if any of the tunnels come together again at some point?”

“I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did,” answered the Toa Inika of Ice. “I lost count of how many intersections I found in the area in front of us.”

“Then let's just go our own ways,” suggested Cera. “I don't think it matters which way we go, anymore.”

“And end up lost-wandering?” asked Petrie in shock. It was no secret how much he hated tunnels, but the idea of getting separated from his friends in a place like this simply terrified him.

“I think Cera's suggesting that we split up,” explained Littlefoot. “It'll force those Zyglak to have more ground to cover, and as long as we each stay with at least one Toa, we should be fine.”

A crude spear suddenly flew through the tunnel and struck the stone wall just inches away from Nuparu's head. The Zyglak were now right behind them.

“Run now, talk later!” exclaimed Kongu as he quickly dashed into one of the tunnels. The rest of the group soon followed, splitting up into three equal groups. Nobody cared where their tunnel would take them, as long as it was away from the Zyglak.

Just as Cera had hoped, the tunnels did cross through one another in a countless number of ways. Groups frequently split up, merged, and split up again as they attempted to lose the pursuing Zyglak.

Chomper struggled to keep up with Ruby, Spike, and Ducky before falling through a hole in the floor, landing him in front of Jaller and Hahli. “Coming through,” he muttered as he stood back up and continued running. The two Toa then resumed their relatively slow pace.

Kongu tried hopping into an adjacent tunnel through a hole in the wall, but it was only big enough for him to fit his head and one arm through. “Come on!” he shouted in frustration. Right behind him, one of the Zyglak threw his spear at Kongu, but barely missed and instead smashed through the rocky wall and caused the hole to widen a bit. “Thanks,” said Kongu. He then kicked the Zyglak in the face and leaped through the hole, somersaulting along the floor once before regaining his footing. He may have not thought about that Zyglak virus, but at least the fact that the bottom of a Toa's foot is entirely armor meant that he didn't have to worry about it anyway.

Hewkii and Nuparu ran down separate tunnels, but when the tunnels merged, the two Toa collided head-on. Not wasting a moment on some cutting remark, they quickly got back on their feet and continued down the next tunnel.

Littlefoot was in a tunnel with such a low ceiling that when he saw a hole in it, he able to stick his head up through it. Looking forward, he saw Matoro rush right past him, over his head. Littlefoot looked back to see a crude dagger flying towards him. He screamed as he ducked his head to avoid the lethal projectile.

Eventually, all six Toa Inika and all seven young dinosaurs came back together into one group. They looked back and saw the group of Zyglak was right behind them. Not only that, but it seemed even more Zyglak had joined the fight, doubling from three to six in total.

Toa Hewkii decided to simply block off the tunnel by using his elemental powers to rip off a long slab of stone from the wall and rotate it so that it sealed off the passage between his group and the Zyglak.

“Did it stop them?” asked Ducky.

After a tense moment of silence, the stone barrier began to crack. The group could hear a series of dull impacts coming from the other side. Within seconds, the stone barrier crumbled, followed by numerous Zyglak as they used their own bodies as battering rams against the stone. Once a few of them had made it through, they immediately hurled their spears and daggers at the Toa and young dinosaurs, forcing the group to duck and dodge.

Toa Kongu looked up at a crude dagger embedded in the stone where his head had been just seconds ago. “Just once ó just once! ó I'd like to take a trip-walk without someone trying to kill me!” he exclaimed.

Cera dodged another flying spear. “You have no idea how many times I've had that thought before!” she exclaimed.

Jaller let Nuparu carry Hahli for a moment so he could focus on the Zyglak. As the group continued running down the tunnel, Jaller briefly turned back and hurled a blast of fire from his sword at the charging Zyglak. It didn't work as much as he had hoped, doing little more than forcing them to momentarily slow down. Even worse, more Zyglak were coming in through every side tunnel behind the group. We can't keep doing this! thought Jaller, as he continued to dodge every spear and dagger that was thrown at him. We need to get out of these tunnels now!

“I hear water up ahead!” Hahli suddenly shouted.

The group listened carefully over the noise of the Zyglak's weapons and they were barely able to notice the sound of rushing water. Considering where they were, that could only mean nothing but bad news. They came around yet another bend in the tunnel and were stopped dead in their tracks by what they saw. There was a large gap in the stone wall, allowing tons of seawater to gush into the tunnel. Going any further down the tunnel was out of the question, as it was already completely flooded up ahead.

“Anybody have a Toa canister in their pack?” asked Hewkii. Not waiting for an answer, he continued, “Didn't think so. We might have stronger lungs than most, but that's a lot of water out there.”

More spears and daggers flew through the air and embedded themselves into the stone wall right behind the group. The Zyglak were closing in on them, fast.

“And that's a lot of Zyglak back there,” said Ruby, fearfully.

“Looks like the last one in the pool is skewered meat,” added Nuparu.

As if things weren't bad enough, the entire tunnel started to shake violently. The stone began to crack all over the place, fragments fell from the ceiling, and the gap widened even further, allowing even more water to rush through. This wasn't like a typical earthquake, however. The way the walls of the tunnel seemed to shift, it was more like something was trying to crush the tunnel from the outside. The tremors were enough to make even the Zyglak stop and look around at what was happening.

“Let's move!” ordered Toa Jaller. “We'll take our chances in the ocean.”

“Hold on,” said Hewkii. “I like a challenge as much as the next Toa, but ó Toa of Stone, remember? Even with a few lessons in my Matoran days, I still swim like a stone.”

The shaking intensified; enough to make the tunnel start to bend and warp like a tree branch. For once, the Zyglak were afraid. Looking at what was happening to their home, they would be fools to not feel terrified. Dropping their weapons, the Zyglak rushed back up the tunnel in panic.

“Whatever's out there can't be worse than what's in here,” replied Jaller. “I'll light up my sword even further. If I can get it to burn hot enough, it'll stay lit underwater. Follow my light ó and let's hope we can find an air pocket.”

The Toa Inika of Fire took a deep breath and dove through the gap in the wall. One by one, the rest of the Toa followed. With the tunnel around them collapsing, Littlefoot knew he and his friends had no choice but to follow the Toa.

“Me no know about this,” said a very nervous Petrie as he watched Littlefoot dive into the water, followed by Ducky, Spike, Ruby, and Chomper.

“Fine, you can stay here, but I'd much rather drown than to get crushed by this tunnel, or stabbed by those Zyglak,” stated Cera, before taking a deep breath and diving into the water.

Petrie looked around worriedly, realizing he was now all alone. The tunnel shook again, forcing him to make up his mind. “Wait for me!” he shouted, before he, too, took a deep breath and dove into the water.

Being a Swimmer, Ducky was very familiar with water. However, she quickly noticed that something wasn't right with this water. Instead of being refreshing and relaxing as she liked it, this water somehow felt like something that could bring pain and misery to anyone who dared to touch it. It was almost as if there was something... evil about it.

It wasn't long until the Toa and young dinosaurs saw what had been causing all of the damage and shaking in the tunnels. The light from Jaller's burning sword revealed a massive, eel-like creature with its body wrapped around the long and narrow column of stone that the group had just swam out of. Until now, they had no idea what the Cord looked like from the outside. For some reason, the creature was trying to crush it within its massive coils. Suddenly, the creature stopped squeezing and turned to the beings that had just come out of the Cord. It had noticed the light from Jaller's sword. The creature unwrapped itself from the Cord and started for the group.

Everyone's eyes widened in shock. Whatever this thing was, it intended to make a meal out of them. With the limited amount of air in their lungs, there was little they could do to stop this beast, but the Toa weren't going to let that stop them from trying.

Suddenly, everything turned white. A light so bright and intense that covering their eyes did virtually nothing to guard against the incredible illumination. The light was accompanied by waves of energy that began to affect their bodies. The pain was so great that they were forced to open their mouths and risk drowning. The monstrous creature, which was caught off-guard just as much as the others, was repelled by this strange phenomenon before any harm could come to it.

As all of this was happening, the group also heard a voice in their minds. Actually, it was more like an expression of an emotion. Somehow, they knew it was the Mask of Life, and it was calling for help.

How can we help the Mask of Life if we can't even help ourselves? thought Ruby, straining against the intense pain. We don't even know where the mask is! We can't even survive underwater!

It ended as suddenly as it had begun. Gone was the light, the waves of energy, and the pain. The six Toa and seven young dinosaurs floated silently and motionlessly in the water. To any outside observer, they would have appeared to be as good as dead.
-------

Read and review, as always. Yes, the next few chapters are not going to be mostly original for a while now, at least until the transition between this part and the next part. Hopefully, this part won't be quite as long as the first part.

[Caustizer]

It unfortuneately seems like Pangaea has left the Gang of Five for a while, so I suppose I'll have to make up the gap.  In my opinion this chapter is somewhat short, but it is apparent that your writing style has been developing quite a bit since I last reviewed this story.

These Zyglak must be quite mighty to be able to break through solid stone in such a short length of time.  If they are that physically powerful, what need do they have for primative weapons such as daggers and spears?  Either way I felt the gang was well integrated into the chapter, and by this point their presence seems quite seemless.

At the very end, was the white and painful light an intervention from an outside source or was it the eel shocking them? That part wasn't quite clear from the text.

Good luck and keep posting these chapters as you finish them,

Caustizer

[Mumbling]

This wonderful piece of work has been submitted to the fanfiction awards 2012. If you're reading this fanfiction, please cast your vote and review here!

[Pangaea]

I should think that at this point that any apology from me for my complete and utter failure as a reviewer would be rather meaningless. I don’t think there’s anything I can say to make up for it, so I’ll just let inform you right now about how ashamed I am of my performance and get on with my much belated review.

With all of the trouble they've encountered so far, none of them have had the luxury to even think of a plan for what they would do once they got there.

“They’ve” should be “they’d” or “they had”, and “have had” should be “had had”.

“Thanks,” said Kongu. He then kicked the Zyglak in the face and leaped through the hole, somersaulting along the floor once before regaining his footing.

Not an error, but when I read this, I couldn’t help but think, “Is it really a good idea to kick something that can spread a flesh-eating virus on contact?” Or are Matoran feet non-organic, and the virus can’t spread from them?

The series of short paragraphs describing what happens to various members of the gang after they split up and run down the splitting and converging tunnels was a great addition, providing some very enjoyable visuals and exciting scenes.

Cera dodged another flying spear. “You have no idea how many times I've had that thought, before!” she exclaimed.

Unneeded comma. Also, I loved this line.

It wasn't long until the Toa and young dinosaurs saw what had been causing all of the damage and shaking in the tunnels. The light from Jaller's burning sword revealed a massive, eel-like creature with its body wrapped around what could only be the Cord.

I found this description to be a little bit confusing. Eventually I came to the conclusion that the Cord is like a giant air-filled stone straw, and the eel is constricting a section of it, causing it to spring a leak, through which the gang has just exited. If this is correct, it might be easier for readers to understand if you described them as having swum out of the Cord into the open sea and were now looking at the walls of the Cord from the outside.

I’m guessing the mysterious light source was either the Mask of Life or something from the Matoran community at the bottom of the ocean. Whatever it was, I’m guessing it was painful to the gang because it was intended to repel the eel, and had to be extremely powerful in order to do so.

Assuming you haven’t given up on this story, I encourage you to keep writing, with or without my reviews. Honestly I think that you’re a good enough writer that my feedback doesn’t make much difference in the quality of your chapters, so you shouldn’t keep your readers waiting on my account.